Cassandra and Rarity were sipping ginseng tea. It made Rarity feel especially privileged to drink this, because it was the fanciest tea in Equestria. Only the upper crust of society could even get on the waiting list for it, and even then it was 2 months for a single bag. But Cassandra always seemed to have some in the pantry, mysterious as she was about her sources.
Applejack came over, out of breath and stressed out. “Cassandra, ah have a problem” she said, “Ah saved Spike’s life and now he wants to be mah slave and won’t leave me alone.”
“Then what’s the problem?” said Rainbow Dash, coming down the stairs from the bedroom, “You’re always complaining about being poor and not having enough farmhands.”
“True, but in mah neck of the woods, slavery was abolished almost one hundred days ago.”
“I have an idea,” said Rainbow Dash, “why don’t you pretend to get attacked by timber wolves and have him save you? We can set it up really close to their territory to make it look convincing.”
“Why Rainbow Dash that’s a great idea!’ said Applejack
“That sounds dangerous” said Cassandra
Rainbow Dash sneered, “What’s dangerous about making a lot of noise in the Everfree Forest?”
Deciding to shift gears, Cassandra pondered for a moment then came up with an idea, “I could go to Canterlot and get us a Royal Order to dissolve Spike’s obligation. Equestrian law supercedes dragon codes”
“Ah don’t know what most of those words mean, but it sounds like it’ll take a long time” said Applejack
“I can fast track it because I’m Celestia’s long-lost sister” said Cassandra, “including travel time, it should take about 24 hours and 30 seconds.”
“That sounds boring” said Rainbow Dash, “you go do your egghead stuff and in the meantime we’ll do my idea.”
*********
24 hours and 31 seconds later, Cassandra was back with the Royal Order. She has strained a wing in flight, which is why it took her longer than expected. She spotted her friends hanging around near the Everfree Forest, with sticks and twigs littered all over the place.
“What happened here?” she asked.
“We tried Rainbow Dash’s idea, and Applejack got eaten by timberwolves” said Pinkie Pie.
“Oh well, I guess we don’t need this anymore” said Cassandra, giving the now-useless parchment to Spike. He stamped it “VOID” and then used his fire breath to send it back to Canterlot.
“Now, have you all learned your lesson about trusting my advice?” Asked Cassandra
“Yes” said the other five, hanging their heads in shame. In the background, Spike caught himself swooning over Cassandra
“Steady on now, Spike” he said to himself, “you love Rarity.”
Please keep doing this. It's like a comprehensive guide on how not to write fanfic.
Sorry, I didn't see the Snowdrop reference.
3220770 noooo
i represent jackassery
If this isn't featured soon for its enticing plot and rich dialouge, so help me Applejack is gonna die an eighth time.
3220782
Oh, um okay...
RIPTID3 represents the element of...JACKASSERY!
The reader can understand the plot, and the plot is alright, which is looking at the positive side. But there are a lot of downsides, like that the chapters as way to unoriginal, short, and hardly has any detail, plus make the OC less god-modding (I word I use to say "has too much powers" or mostly a Mary Sue). Like one of my OCs is the daughter of Princess Celestia, and she's snobby and thinks she's better than everyone, but she is extremely loyal and would stand up for anypony. See how I make her special, but gave her several flaws, too. Cassandra, in the other hoof (bad pony pun), has a bunch of powers, and her only weakness is that nopony trusts her, and that's hardly a weakness in my dictionary.
So you have too many things to make the reader think that this is a bad fic. I don't believe in bad fan-fics, I believe that the writer is just not developed enough. Keep those good things, and improve everything else. Make every chapter at least around 900+ words. Make sure the reader can get a clear image. Make everything original. Make the OC less god-modding.
Hope it helps!
~ Pinkie Shy
P.S. I'll be faving this story just to see your improvement. ;)
3220948 Why? That would ruin the point of the entire story!
I'm sure they learned a valuable lesson.
OH BOY!
THERE IT IS!
Yes.
It was about flower cutie mark and snowflakes, and you tell me cause I am blind.
Much lols were given.
I'M DYING