Chapter 3: First Threat
Starlight yawns as the sun tries to wake her from her slumber.
"Mommy turn down the sun.. Five more minutes." Starlight says puling the covers over her head.
Starlight opens her eyes to find her mother was gone and she was alone... again. Starlight gets out of her mothers bed and makes the bed with her magic. She begins her long trek through the castle which was strangely empty.
"Mooooooommmmmyyyyyy. Wooooooonaaaaa."
Starlight hears a shuffle echo through the castle.
"Mommy? Woona is that you?"
Starlight runs backward passing a few corners then jumps out into the open.
"Boo!"
Starlight stops. The room had the basic castle design but this one had a large staircase in the middle, but that wasn't the sight that took her breathe away. It was all the countless guards littered across the floor. Starlight runs over and tries waking one of them. He was a Pegasus standard gold armor plate and helmet. she pokes him. He groans.
"What happened? Wheres my mommy?!"
"Princess up there." He says pointing to the staircase before fainting.
Starlight rushes upward as fast as she can.
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Celestia struggled to stand as she was weak from the multiple hits by her attacker.
"You are a tough one aren't you princess?"
"Surrender now and I won't hurt you." Celestia slips falling slightly before regaining her struggled stance.
"Now I don't think your in the position to make demands."
Starlight reaches the top and tries the door but it was locked and covered in a purplish blue aura. She begins to pound on it.
"Mommy are you ok?!"
"Starlight go leave get far away from here!" Celestia yells.
"I didn't know the so called protector of Equestria is back. No matter she was never meant for such a task."
The assailant levitates Celestia off the ground in purplish blue magic and begins to choke her out.
"AT LAST I CAN FINISH WHAT LUNA COULD NOT!! AHAHAHAHA!" The Pony shouts.
All of a sudden the glass ceiling of the room shatters as Starlight comes striking down between the pony and her mother.
"Get away from her!"
Starlight gasps at the pony.
"N-nighty."
"Hello pretty girl nice to see you again."
"You're supposed to be gone! Mommy told me Woona was no longer scary!"
"Dear child I am no longer bound to that pathetic pony. I am now my own physical form!"
"Starlight please go get of here!"
"Silence!" Nightmare Moon yells slamming her hooves into the ground.
"Don't worry mommy I can take her."
Starlight prepares a battle stance.
"Ahahahahaha you little foal you really believe you can take on somepony who bested your own mother and your aunt!?"
Starlight charges forward at blinding speeds. Nightmare casts a single lightning bolt upon her but Starlight flips over it then jumps on Nightmare Moons head and into the air. She uses her wings to flip facing Nightmare and fires a large beam of magic at Nightmare.
"AH!" Nightmare says falling slightly.
Starlight uses her magic to allow her to stick to the wall and run around the room barraging Nightmare with bolts of magic. Starlight as the finishing blow jumps off the wall spinning forward. Starlight's tail begins to have a thin coat of crystal form around it. She then hits Nightmare across the head and lands then spins around slamming it into the side of Nightmare Moon causing her to crash through the wall and fall to the depths below. Starlight stands looking over the hole her face full of slight angry and sadness.
"S-starlight."
Starlight runs back over to her mother to tend to her. The Princess had slashes, cuts, and bruises all over her body. She also had a cracked horn and her wing was bent awkwardly.
"Don't worry mommy it will be ok."
The door crashes open as a mix of lunar and celestial guards fill the room. Starlight's horn glows as she prepares for another battle. Twilight comes racing in and sees Celestia in her current state.
"Princess!"
A doctor comes in after and begins his analysis on Celestia. Luna comes through the doorway her wing was bandaged as well as her right hoof and her horn. She walks up behind Starlight.
"Come lets leave the doctor to his work."
Starlight turns to Luna.
"I can help Luna please! I can help mommy!" Starlight runs and jumps but is stopped by Luna's magic.
"Mommy! Let me go! Mommy!" Starlight yells tears forming.
-5 hours later-
Luna lays outside her sisters hospital room on a blanket, a daring do book by her side and a sleeping Starlight under her wing. The doctor comes out lowering his mask with his magic.
"She'll live. She was in a poor state anymore abuse and she would not have lived to see another day."
Luna looks down at Starlight. The doctor kneels and puts his head to Luna's level.
"You can go see her if you like."
"Yes thank you doctor. Do you mind watching her?"
"Not at all Princess."
Luna walks in to see her sister laying in a hospital bed. Celestia turns her head to Luna.
"Luna."
"Hello sister."
"How is she?"
"She's tired but fine. She's asleep now."
"She saved me Luna."
"What?"
"Starlight saved me from Nightmare Moon."
"Nightmare Moon is back?! How?!" Luna asks frantically.
"I do not know but that is not important now."
Luna stops and calms back down.
"Luna please take care of her till I get back. I want her to be safe. She never asked for this."
"Of course sister."
"I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Goodnight sister dear."
"Goodnight Luna."
Luna leaves turning off the light. When she gets back out she finds that Starlight is sucking a pacifier and the blanket draped over her.
"She was having nightmares. We use the pacifiers to help calm foals who have them."
"Thank you. If there is anything you need please let me know."
Luna levitates everything into her saddlebags and the pacifier back over to the doctor.
"Please keep it."
Luna puts it into the saddlebag. She places the bags on and Starlight on her back. Luna begins her trek back to the castle where she lays Starlight down on her sisters bed. Luna puts the comforter over Starlight and gets into her own bed.
"Goodnight little one you deserve a good rest."
Luna turns out the light and goes to sleep.
3594582 Its ok its all I wanted was for ponies to point out errors. Could you post which chapter please?
3594912 it should say in my comment. Look up in the top of the comment. It should say the chapter
Oh, sheesh, where to start.....
First off, you may assume everyone has seen up to the season 3 finale. We know Celestial and Luna are sisters, and that they rule Equestria. If readers don't know this they need to get off FiMfiction.
Second, commas. They are magical.
Third, no caps. We know that Nightmare Moon uses the Royal Canterlot Voice. Instead of using caps, use words like "she shouted" or "she roared".
Fourth, cause and effect. A Wild Nightmare Moon Appeared randomly. Why? Knowing why certain events trigger is important for a storyline.
Fifth, keep things canon to the universe unless you SPECIFICALLY STATE that it's a parallel universe. Details are key for this.
Lastly, make sure the little princess has weaknesses. By weaknesses I mean a character flaw that cause a character to overcome an obstacle. Twilight had to learn the lesson of friendship to overcome her snootiness (for lack of a better word) in season one. Luna had to accept that after 1000 years, it would be difficult to regain her subjects trust and have fun with them during Nightmare Night. Everyone has flaws!
All in all, there's some minor grammatical errors, but I can see some improvement. Keep at it; I'm interested to read more!
3595675 first off I'll fix the nightmare moon shouting thing, Second nightmare moons appearance will be explained in chapter 4 during Starlight's training. Thirdly she does she is extremely prone to light good spells thanks to her nightmare magic and there is a secret in a equestria which could kill her in one blow, another one is she is extremely weak to the elements of harmony, she also emotionally attached to celestia so if anything happens to her she will be crushed. One more thing commas I am sorry about I was really tired during this cause I was doing a million things so I will fix them all again.