As a changeling, Lumi's life was simple: go to work, train a new changeling, and meet a new human to feed on. However, mysterious changelings deaths have her investigating to keep the peace between species. Set in the Gentlemanverse
Well, in my case, I like the story as much as the clop parts, an integrating them makes the fic better in my opinion, so no problems for me, anyway, it took a while but the chapter came at last , now waiting for the gryfings.
First, there was no doubt in my mind he was attracted to me. It could have been because I looked like somepony he knew, and had most likely been intimate with.
Lucky bastard!
Even Mother—before she deemed me useless—regaled me with her first feeding, calling it her First Conquest, where she drove her asset to the brink of insanity.
Sex never sounded less sexy.
“I don’t think Shaun is ready for that yet. After all, feeding is all about enjoyment.
Whoa! whoa! whoa! Is Lumi going to be getting Silverfly to jump in on Lumi and Shaun's horizontal bedroom acrobatics? Yikes! I'll make sure I don't have any beverages nearby when this next chapter comes out. Perhaps a gallon of brain bleach too.
I know some of you are far more interested in the story itself, and probably hate the cloppy parts.
Speaking just for me, I am way more into the story then the clop. The clop in Ch. 1 kinda weirded me out to be honest. In fact I dare say if it were anyone else writing this story, I'd ignore it forever. The idea of changeling sex is just too weird, and the depictions I've seen on derpibooru make me sick to think about. I'm here for the world-building and learning about how the changelings fit into this universe, and seeing cool spy stuff.
Next chapter is pretty much the clop chapter, but that's found in the very end. I noticed that a on this story, I don't isolate the clop parts, but try and incorporate that in the story proper. I don't know if that's good or bad. I know some of you are far more interested in the story itself, and probably hate the cloppy parts. Some want more cloppy parts than story. Then there's my target audience that like it like this.
You blend it well without taking anything from the story. If people have an issue with it, it's their issue, not yours. I assume this is a short chapter because it was cut from the next one coming? Just a thought.
Yes, the clop is cringe-worthy - at least because of how changelings approach their 'partners' - but just think of how juicy the drama will be when Shaun finds out he was just a resource. (Even if he has wormed his way into Lumi's heart by that point.)
Hmmm.....given that Lumi is about to leave on her investigation, I find myself wondering when she'll get caught. Will Shaun notice Silverfly and start asking the kind of questions that only someone who sees life as one big story would ask? Or will he catch on to something while Lumi's away.
Honestly? this is fascinating. Sex is biological, and you're doing a story with a ton of biological information. It happens, and they're both consenting adults (though I have a feeling that Shaun's going to find out the truth within the first twenty chapters of the story. And yes, I know that leaves it open to him having already figured it out)
Considering who tells that particular story, we can either believe it, or she's just being delusional.
Whoa! whoa! whoa! Is Lumi going to be getting Silverfly to jump in on Lumi and Shaun's horizontal bedroom acrobatics? Yikes! I'll make sure I don't have any beverages nearby when this next chapter comes out. Perhaps a gallon of brain bleach too.
You do know how Changelings here operate, right? They take the meaning of sharing very seriously.
Actually, the chapter is the average of what I'm aiming for, and because the next part is pretty much 'the date night' chapter. I felt separating the two chapters would make a more cohesive next chapter. Then again, I've been a bit absent on the writing game, so I could be shooting hot air out of my ass.
While true, the TMI point will pop up if I cross that certain line. Maybe I'm unconsciously mixing the clop and non-clop parts to ensure that even if the reader does not want to read 'that shit', at least they'll be entertained by the non-'that shit' parts.
Or I'm just forcing them through the whole thing, hammering them to liking it.
Never really did find the point of pointless fetish fuel . That's good for 5 minutes of video. Maybe that's why I like erotica literature than porn vidz.
You were looking at a showroom vehicle, right? I want your money "problems."
They take the meaning of sharing very seriously.
Shaun: "Wow, Lumi, you're amazing. I need five, then we... then we... Whew!" Lumi: "Alright, just let me get something to drink." Shaun: "Oh, good call! Get me something too!" Lumi heads out and then slips right into the closet where Silverfly is. Lumi: "Alright, time to learn kiddo. You've seen my form. Do it. You've got some water to get for the man." Silver: "Bwuh?!" Lumi: "Nothing like 'hooves on' experience!"
(I was going to make a joke about 'dicks in' experience, but...) *flees for the hills*
Small thing... 'discretely' would mean 'in distinct small pieces,' as in 'Rather than try to solve the whole problem at once, we broke it up into pieces and solved each discretely.' 'Discreetly' is 'with discretion.'
But let me put it this way: For em, at least, you will never reach the TMI threshold. You just can't. I can speak of the effects of cadaver-devouring bacteria on a living human being while eating anything (provided that the 'anything' in question isn't something I naturally detest) and remain utterly composed. Well, maybe chortling a bit, but that's because people make the funniest faces during these conversations.
Maybe it's my Aspergers speaking, but I just don't know why anyone has any problem with that sort of thing. It's just talking and biology. Why is that so 'gross'?
You were looking at a showroom vehicle, right? I want your money "problems."
Hate to break it to you, but almost every car that came out in the past 10 or so years were showroom vehicles. Over here, at least. When you buy it, put a small scratch to it, or break it in, it transforms from showroom vehicle to a very cool new car. Five months later, it's just your normal car.
While I'm pining for that showroom car, though, I am looking through the second-hand car stores looking for either a pick-up or another Toyota sedan. Something newer so I won't get bogged down by having to sell a old car cheaply.
Leaning towards a pick-up though.
As for that situation, it's actually close to what Lumi would do. XD At least, have Silverfly keep a close watch as long as she doesn't get too overexcited.
... by overexcited, I mean she does a Wrestler's entrance with the closet door and scaring the crap out of Shaun.
5094135 You had the opportunity and you chose not to. Disappoint.
Even with the limited time we spent together, I felt something—a connection, if I have to be cliché—that made us comfortable with each other.
Even an experienced can slip up at get too close.
I'm still gonna hold onto the theory that when Shaun finds out Lumi's a changeling, after the initial shock and drama plays out, that he won't mind so much. But of course that's just a theory
5093882 I thought of another possibility, though I don't think it's quite as likely as the other two. Since you've developed Silverfly so much, she has to be significant, most likely either because she's the one that gets them caught or because she dies. And I really don't want it to be the second one, so I'm voting for her being the weak link that gets them discovered.
But the other possibility I came up with was Lumi revealing herself willingly. If she gets in trouble during her investigation and can't make it back to the cluster, she might take shelter with Shaun, since he basically told her back in their first conversation that he really doesn't have an issue with changelings. And since her other options are getting caught and killed and likely giving away her cluster, getting caught and interrogated by the Royal Guard and definitely giving away her cluster, or revealing herself to a politically neutral friend, the choice is a relatively simple one.
*Crash* Shaun - "Uhhh, Lumi, honey, a bug-horse pony-thing just fell out of my closet and now it's masturbating on the floor behind us." Lumi trying to stay cool - "It's, um, it's just a changeling. They do that. Just keep going; it'll go away when it's done."
(I've gotta' stop trying to write your story for you, but the impending scenario just has too much potential for silly.)
5093942 To answer your question from your response to someone else: you are a cat; underneath that adorable, fluffy exterior beats a heart of almost pure evil. Hope this helps.
5095283 And this is where we find out that Shaun has a secret fetish for being watched while having sex.
You do know how Changelings here operate, right? They take the meaning of sharing very seriously. For the Hive! XD
That Pinkie Pie song from "Over a Barrel" has just taken up residence inside my head next to the insect on insect on man sex.
It hasn't been a good day.
Seriously though Shachza is right, the opportunities for a disaster of epic, and hilarious proportions when Shaun finds out what's going on is going to have me glued to my chair!
I want this investigation to end with Lumi using Shawn's massively successful story about a changeling hive in Fillydelphia under the rule of a tyrannical queen from far away (that she had the other hives help promote) as a way to arrange a private affair with the Princesses, where she makes the argument for the continued existence of the changeling race by revealing everything she knows about the changelings as another Purge looms on the horizon. In the end, she co-opts the paranoia and fear of the pony race with the help of the Princesses and conducts a surgical strike on Queen Chrysalis with Equestrian might as a way of eliminating her influence and providing a scapegoat for the ponies so tensions dissipate.
That's all. Who's actually behind the murders is unimportant, but Flutterbat should be the answer.
5094896 Pfft, can't take visuals with it... c'mon, look up Fungus Gnat Larvae migrations while eating anything that resembles them. It's awesome to imagine your jell-o making a steady break for it.
I cheer for your updates I think it's a good choice to not isolate the smut. While yes, some like it while some don't, I think as it is an important but natural part of the events in the story, the story itself progresses more smoothly if it is treated as such. Thus it should not be treated as a bigger deal than it actually is in the story. Though that is my opinion. If some followers take offence, you could include a small notice at the beginning of the chapter, or some such.
5101667 They go up and over it, like an adhesive wave of living goo.
Or under it.
Or around it.
And if you check the videos from actual wilderness channels, you'll see that they propagate the movement from the back to the front, the opposite of most mammalian, icthyiod, and avian group movement (which starts from the front, to clarify for others looking at this message and not entirely sure what I meant.)
Frankly, I think they should've been made into a pokemon already, as a Bug/Psychic type in a manner similar to Exeggcute, with a whole group of individuals working as one.
Misborn are foals that were born out of a herd. Basically, illegitimate children. It's a nasty side of Equestrian culture. I probably could have put something here, but I didn't want to sound repetitive to those that read Gentleman for Mares. Wonder if I should put a vote whether to add it or not.
I don't really care for a story that I'm reading to be chopped up, because there's a sex scene in it. I suppose I don't mind there being some warning added after the chapter's been written, saying something like, "Yar! Here thar be sex! Beware! Take care!".
I am thoroughly enjoying this story. I like the characterization, watching their... relationship develop is an interesting one. The dialogue is particularly enticing, with well incorporated body language making it quite a treat to read. The tradecraft is strong in this story, and above all else I have to applaud you for that - I lovereading about characters who are tangibly proficient at a job, and Lumi absolutely shines in that regard. On your latest author's notes, I must say I'm looking forward to the next chapter, and that I think you are perfectly within your rights as an author to not point out when... well, sex scenes will be, necessarily. You tagged the story with "sex" and "mature", the audience has (well, should have, but you can't help that) been adequately informed that a sex scene is something that could appear within the story. Unless it's a tonal break from the rest of the story (it certainly isn't, shaping up to be a major plot point) I feel that incorporating it naturally is for the best.
Well, in my case, I like the story as much as the clop parts, an integrating them makes the fic better in my opinion, so no problems for me, anyway, it took a while but the chapter came at last , now waiting for the gryfings.
Lucky bastard!
Sex never sounded less sexy.
Whoa! whoa! whoa! Is Lumi going to be getting Silverfly to jump in on Lumi and Shaun's horizontal bedroom acrobatics? Yikes! I'll make sure I don't have any beverages nearby when this next chapter comes out. Perhaps a gallon of brain bleach too.
Speaking just for me, I am way more into the story then the clop. The clop in Ch. 1 kinda weirded me out to be honest. In fact I dare say if it were anyone else writing this story, I'd ignore it forever. The idea of changeling sex is just too weird, and the depictions I've seen on derpibooru make me sick to think about. I'm here for the world-building and learning about how the changelings fit into this universe, and seeing cool spy stuff.
You've certainly sold me on the story alone.
You blend it well without taking anything from the story. If people have an issue with it, it's their issue, not yours. I assume this is a short chapter because it was cut from the next one coming? Just a thought.
Spoilers, boss! XD. Naw, but happy to see you up and running again, been longing for an update.
5092192
Yes, the clop is cringe-worthy - at least because of how changelings approach their 'partners' - but just think of how juicy the drama will be when Shaun finds out he was just a resource. (Even if he has wormed his way into Lumi's heart by that point.)
I'm part of your target audience and I like it like this. ;)
Hmmm.....given that Lumi is about to leave on her investigation, I find myself wondering when she'll get caught. Will Shaun notice Silverfly and start asking the kind of questions that only someone who sees life as one big story would ask? Or will he catch on to something while Lumi's away.
Well, consider your target audience reached!
Really interested in how this develops, more when you can good sir.
Honestly? this is fascinating.
Sex is biological, and you're doing a story with a ton of biological information. It happens, and they're both consenting adults (though I have a feeling that Shaun's going to find out the truth within the first twenty chapters of the story. And yes, I know that leaves it open to him having already figured it out)
Personally, I could live without the clop parts, but I allow for them as inextricable parts of the narrative and not just pointless fetish fuel.
5092034
Honestly, it'll be a while. I put two chapters of CR first before going to Feathered Heart. Basically, I'm half-way there.
5092192
Considering who tells that particular story, we can either believe it, or she's just being delusional.
You do know how Changelings here operate, right? They take the meaning of sharing very seriously.
For the Hive! XD
5092226
Actually, the chapter is the average of what I'm aiming for, and because the next part is pretty much 'the date night' chapter. I felt separating the two chapters would make a more cohesive next chapter. Then again, I've been a bit absent on the writing game, so I could be shooting hot air out of my ass.
5092814
Secret.
5093383
While true, the TMI point will pop up if I cross that certain line. Maybe I'm unconsciously mixing the clop and non-clop parts to ensure that even if the reader does not want to read 'that shit', at least they'll be entertained by the non-'that shit' parts.
Or I'm just forcing them through the whole thing, hammering them to liking it.
Hmmm... am I unconsciously or deliberately evil?
5092247
Eh, you know. Life. Love. Money problems. Everything that makes the world go round.
5092557 5093173
Or I'm an evil bastard that just indoctrinated you?
Oh. I'm taking this "Am I evil or not" angle too far, aren't I?
5093615
Never really did find the point of pointless fetish fuel . That's good for 5 minutes of video. Maybe that's why I like erotica literature than porn vidz.
5093942
You were looking at a showroom vehicle, right? I want your money "problems."
Shaun: "Wow, Lumi, you're amazing. I need five, then we... then we... Whew!"
Lumi: "Alright, just let me get something to drink."
Shaun: "Oh, good call! Get me something too!"
Lumi heads out and then slips right into the closet where Silverfly is.
Lumi: "Alright, time to learn kiddo. You've seen my form. Do it. You've got some water to get for the man."
Silver: "Bwuh?!"
Lumi: "Nothing like 'hooves on' experience!"
(I was going to make a joke about 'dicks in' experience, but...)
*flees for the hills*
Small thing... 'discretely' would mean 'in distinct small pieces,' as in 'Rather than try to solve the whole problem at once, we broke it up into pieces and solved each discretely.' 'Discreetly' is 'with discretion.'
5093942
Your answer: Yes.
But let me put it this way: For em, at least, you will never reach the TMI threshold. You just can't. I can speak of the effects of cadaver-devouring bacteria on a living human being while eating anything (provided that the 'anything' in question isn't something I naturally detest) and remain utterly composed. Well, maybe chortling a bit, but that's because people make the funniest faces during these conversations.
Maybe it's my Aspergers speaking, but I just don't know why anyone has any problem with that sort of thing. It's just talking and biology. Why is that so 'gross'?
5094135
Hate to break it to you, but almost every car that came out in the past 10 or so years were showroom vehicles. Over here, at least. When you buy it, put a small scratch to it, or break it in, it transforms from showroom vehicle to a very cool new car. Five months later, it's just your normal car.
While I'm pining for that showroom car, though, I am looking through the second-hand car stores looking for either a pick-up or another Toyota sedan. Something newer so I won't get bogged down by having to sell a old car cheaply.
Leaning towards a pick-up though.
As for that situation, it's actually close to what Lumi would do. XD At least, have Silverfly keep a close watch as long as she doesn't get too overexcited.
... by overexcited, I mean she does a Wrestler's entrance with the closet door and scaring the crap out of Shaun.
5094320
Thanks dude. I'll check that out and correct it.
5094348
I would probably find no problem with it, unless someone starts hammering me with images that coincidentally look like what I'm eating.
5094135 You had the opportunity and you chose not to. Disappoint.
Even an experienced can slip up at get too close.
I'm still gonna hold onto the theory that when Shaun finds out Lumi's a changeling, after the initial shock and drama plays out, that he won't mind so much. But of course that's just a theory
5093882
I thought of another possibility, though I don't think it's quite as likely as the other two. Since you've developed Silverfly so much, she has to be significant, most likely either because she's the one that gets them caught or because she dies. And I really don't want it to be the second one, so I'm voting for her being the weak link that gets them discovered.
But the other possibility I came up with was Lumi revealing herself willingly. If she gets in trouble during her investigation and can't make it back to the cluster, she might take shelter with Shaun, since he basically told her back in their first conversation that he really doesn't have an issue with changelings. And since her other options are getting caught and killed and likely giving away her cluster, getting caught and interrogated by the Royal Guard and definitely giving away her cluster, or revealing herself to a politically neutral friend, the choice is a relatively simple one.
5094896
*Crash*
Shaun - "Uhhh, Lumi, honey, a bug-horse pony-thing just fell out of my closet and now it's masturbating on the floor behind us."
Lumi trying to stay cool - "It's, um, it's just a changeling. They do that. Just keep going; it'll go away when it's done."
(I've gotta' stop trying to write your story for you, but the impending scenario just has too much potential for silly.)
5093942
To answer your question from your response to someone else: you are a cat; underneath that adorable, fluffy exterior beats a heart of almost pure evil. Hope this helps.
5095283
And this is where we find out that Shaun has a secret fetish for being watched while having sex.
5095283
That sounds hilarious...
5093882
That Pinkie Pie song from "Over a Barrel" has just taken up residence inside my head next to the insect on insect on man sex.
It hasn't been a good day.
Seriously though Shachza is right, the opportunities for a disaster of epic, and hilarious proportions when Shaun finds out what's going on is going to have me glued to my chair!
This is going to be good, I can't wait!
5095283 "Alright people move along, there's nothing for you to see here!"
I want this investigation to end with Lumi using Shawn's massively successful story about a changeling hive in Fillydelphia under the rule of a tyrannical queen from far away (that she had the other hives help promote) as a way to arrange a private affair with the Princesses, where she makes the argument for the continued existence of the changeling race by revealing everything she knows about the changelings as another Purge looms on the horizon. In the end, she co-opts the paranoia and fear of the pony race with the help of the Princesses and conducts a surgical strike on Queen Chrysalis with Equestrian might as a way of eliminating her influence and providing a scapegoat for the ponies so tensions dissipate.
That's all. Who's actually behind the murders is unimportant, but Flutterbat should be the answer.
5094896
Pfft, can't take visuals with it... c'mon, look up Fungus Gnat Larvae migrations while eating anything that resembles them. It's awesome to imagine your jell-o making a steady break for it.
5095865 I'm up for Flutterbat being used for something other then awkward shipping. I second this motion!
5095217
Options, guesses, choices... XD
I'll be honest though, Silverfly came out as a very happy surprise.
5095283
roflmao, 'it'll go away when it's done'.
5095503
Ah. My evilness has been recognized.
5095865 5100190
Heh. Which reminds me, I do have to establish what parts of season 3 and 4 I'm going to include in the GMverse.
5095877
Huh. That was cool. What would happen if, let's say, a stick blocked their path?
I cheer for your updates
I think it's a good choice to not isolate the smut. While yes, some like it while some don't, I think as it is an important but natural part of the events in the story, the story itself progresses more smoothly if it is treated as such. Thus it should not be treated as a bigger deal than it actually is in the story.
Though that is my opinion. If some followers take offence, you could include a small notice at the beginning of the chapter, or some such.
5101667
They go up and over it, like an adhesive wave of living goo.
Or under it.
Or around it.
And if you check the videos from actual wilderness channels, you'll see that they propagate the movement from the back to the front, the opposite of most mammalian, icthyiod, and avian group movement (which starts from the front, to clarify for others looking at this message and not entirely sure what I meant.)
Frankly, I think they should've been made into a pokemon already, as a Bug/Psychic type in a manner similar to Exeggcute, with a whole group of individuals working as one.
Aww, I was hoping the human was a little hard to get. Looks like he is a one date hooker.
so happy this popped up
5117125 or so she thinks
5206508
Misborn are foals that were born out of a herd. Basically, illegitimate children. It's a nasty side of Equestrian culture. I probably could have put something here, but I didn't want to sound repetitive to those that read Gentleman for Mares. Wonder if I should put a vote whether to add it or not.
I don't really care for a story that I'm reading to be chopped up, because there's a sex scene in it. I suppose I don't mind there being some warning added after the chapter's been written, saying something like, "Yar! Here thar be sex! Beware! Take care!".
I am thoroughly enjoying this story. I like the characterization, watching their... relationship develop is an interesting one. The dialogue is particularly enticing, with well incorporated body language making it quite a treat to read. The tradecraft is strong in this story, and above all else I have to applaud you for that - I lovereading about characters who are tangibly proficient at a job, and Lumi absolutely shines in that regard. On your latest author's notes, I must say I'm looking forward to the next chapter, and that I think you are perfectly within your rights as an author to not point out when... well, sex scenes will be, necessarily. You tagged the story with "sex" and "mature", the audience has (well, should have, but you can't help that) been adequately informed that a sex scene is something that could appear within the story. Unless it's a tonal break from the rest of the story (it certainly isn't, shaping up to be a major plot point) I feel that incorporating it naturally is for the best.
As usual, <3 for your pony tech headcanon.
5117125 11 chapters in come on that not hard my ass.