Hey all, just another brony looking to post up some fan fiction. Hope everyone enjoys.
When a tragic fire destroys everything an orange earth pony holds dear, she finds that not even friendship may be enough to comfort her. When a certain cyan pegasus shows her much more, will she be able to piece her life back together? And is her best friend hiding something else from her, something that could tear everything they have apart?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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very well done cant wait to see more and also (insert random happy comment) lol but really its nice and i hope things have a very happy ending keep up the great work
i liked it. A LOT
This is really sweet. Applejack's depression and Rainbow Dash's guilt over the fire read very powerfully, and the way they get together is believable and adorable. Well done.
I feel sorry for both of them, AJ for losing her home and Rainbow for how much she regrets it. I must say, this was very well done.
Nicely written. I think Applejack will likely get over losing her home eventually, but Rainbow Dash will be tearing herself up thinking about it. Interesting.
God I cant wait for the next chapter!!!!!!!!
Thank you for taking the time to wright this!
Very nice. I'm really enjoying this so far. Can't wait to read what will happen next.
That final bit at the end was perfect for this. Good job.
it's a really amazing story, I can't wait to see what picture the words will paint next.
Now that's what I call a well-placed cliffhanger.
11957
Exactly...CLIFFHANGERS!!!
Oh well, all will be revealed soon enough.
Nice work. And like the others say, perfect cliffhanger. Just to point out something however:
“Woah sugarcube!” Applejack was quick to say, “What’s allt his?”
“Oh thank Celestia your alive!” Dash was quick to cry out, tears swelling in her eyes.
Should probably get fixed. No worries, right?
Aaaagh, that cliffhanger. @_@;
^ WHAT THAT PERSON SAID
^ what that person said!
^ I guess what that person said too.
^ What they said
MUFFINS!
...What? I could hardly say "What they said!" again. That's no fun.
Anyway. This is very, very good. Well done, and keep up the good work! The only real critique I have is that you sometimes rush through the "background" paragraphs--anything that doesn't directly involve Applejack and Dash. Fleshing those parts out would increase the quality even more. Still, it's a solid fic with what I can only assume is an original premise, being relatively new to the fandom. (It works in my book!) Eagerly awaiting Part Five, and Dash, calm down. XD People only overreact to things like that in bad sitcoms.
WHAT THAT PERSON SAID
15000 I know what you mean about the background paragraphs, and I'll try to work it out in the following ones. I actually realized this a little while back, but I have plans to write another fic once this one is done, that will fill in some of the story of what characters other characters were doing during the course of this story, like Applebloom and even Granny Smith.
Thanks everyone for all the great reviews so far!
You know. I find it hard to believe that Mac would do that, He would roll up his sleeves and work harder then he ever had before.
I still like this story a lot. and want to see more of it. you are doing a good job.
Sorry I did this 2 times, but the one on chapter 3 was meant for chapter 4
You know. I find it hard to believe that Mac would do that, He would roll up his sleeves and work harder then he ever had before.
I still like this story a lot. and want to see more of it. you are doing a good job.$smiley
Hey all, hope you enjoy this chapter. I admit, it may feel a bit rushed, and I may go back and add and subtract a few things later, but give me any feedback on this chapter. Also, to whomever mentioned Big Mac's ahcracterization, I admit he may be somehwta OOC, but I tried to stay ture to him. My main line of thinking for him, as he says himself in thes tory is the well being of the Apple family, and if the orchard isn't well enough to make money for a while, then he is willing to move them soemwhere where they can. Anyway, I've rambled enough. Hope everyone enjoys!
I love it! Can't wait for the continuation! How many more chapters do you plan to write if you don't mind me asking?
I'd say at least 5, depending on how things work out and if any new ideas come up. I have a poitn I want to reach and an ending planned out, but after the chapters are done, I had originally come up with a couple different ideas for endings, so there will likely be at least two or three alternate endings I'll post once the story is wrapped up.
Again, you kill us with another cliff hanger! do you hate us or something?
over all I licked the chapter. and I am glad someone came up with a plane to keep the Apple family where the belong. Still say Macintosh would have never suggested leaving
cant wait for more!!
Still very good, I'm really liking how things are going so far still. Though I do notice a couple errors here and there, but that's to be expected I suppose. Don't hesitate to send me a PM on canterlot or on here if you need some pre-reading done.
Doing and awesome job, can't wait for the next chapter.
uh oh...this isnt going to end well
19856
No, no it isn't. That being said, at least Rainbow Dash didn't take the easy way out and point the hoof of blame at the pony whose inexperience created the storm cloud in the first place.
I think you need to have a closer look over your chapters before you post them because I noticed a lot of basic errors, words that didn't fit. (Out instead of Our. But I know how hard those kind of errors are to spot considering word processors don't flag them as wrong, despite them being so in the context of the sentence) Random uncapitalisation. (I saw a 'big Mac' once) Spaces in the wrong place. (there was a 'rolle dup' that I saw) Just simple things like that, it got a little annoying at times.
Despite that, what I've read so far is great story wise, it's a pretty interesting concept to see RD wrestle with her guilt over inadvertantly helping to destroy Applejack's livelyhood. Not to mention the plot twist at the end of this chapter, that's some tasty misunderstanding right there.
That last part...sucker punch to my heart good sir.
Oh no! D: This can't be good. :'(
I since a problem with RD and Big Mac soon...
I sense problems...
19887 sense*
19860
that's what I would have done. I would have turned around and called it a weather accident caused by a member of my weather team. As a manager the blame would still officially be on me, but as far as i would be concerned its the fault of the underling, and then i would have said "I should have watched my team more closely." But that's because I am a horrible person who can live with guilt.
I'll be going over this for errors when I have more time. This is what I get for forgetting to send it to my pre-reader first.
But thanks for the kind words so far everyone.
...You didn't just do that. No, no you didn't. Oh, yes, yes you did. OH, YOU DID! YOU'RE GONNA PAY!
Well then, you leave me no choice but to give this 5/5 for the perfectly placed cliffhanger and the upcomming applerage.
I'm not certain I caught all the mistakes but I managed to fix a large portion of them. Hope that makes reader a little easier on some. And my pre-reader Zev will be notified first when the next chapter is done
NO!!! Apple jack is way to smart for this!!!!!!!!! oh Celestia no, this never ends well!!! please Be smart AJ please!!!!
Just a total facehoof at the end there. I have been following this story and will continue to do so. Great work!
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what that person said!
And everything was going so well for everyone too
Well done!
Well anothe rupdate, and hopefully ther shouldn't be too many (hopefully not any) errors, as I got back with my prereader Zev. Hope everyone likes this one.
Oh no.. this is bad.
Keep 'em comin'! :D
uh oh
p.s. I LOVE THIS STORY
the plot thickens
I am all for Twilight and Rainbow ending up together,.!
But you have some real drama going on here, I feel so bad for Dash, she heart is being pulled apart and gagged all over Equestria! god I love this story!!!
Why do bad things keep happening?!
....but why do I love it.