I woke up late in the morning again. A fringe benefit of inhabiting another pony’s brain was getting to sleep in while they got ready. By the time I came to, Dash was trotting through her house towards the bathroom.
[Hey.]
Morning, Dude! Isn’t this day off to a great start?
[I uh. . . what do you mean?]
Dash was acting odd, and I knew why. I just couldn’t figure out how my fun times in the bath tub with my female equine body translated to her cheery disposition.
Oh, just that I’ve got big plans today, and I’m so grateful to be back in control of my body to attend to some. . . personal needs.
[Okay, now you’re really worrying me. Is this about the bath tub?]
Don’t be ridiculous! It’s perfectly natural to wake up in an alien body of another species of a different gender and ignore the owner’s request not to stimulate her while in control of it.
She trotted into the bathroom and began to dig through the drawers looking for something.
[Shit, I’m sorry, it was just too much. . . I mean, maybe I was just reading your thoughts again!]
Nice try, Dude. I enjoy a good romp as much as anypony else, but I wouldn’t do it with another pony’s body. What you did was supposed to be private and intimate, not some freak show.
[Sorry, I thought you were okay with it; we were the only ones there. Didn’t you enjoy it?]
You’re right. I did enjoy it, despite your audacity, and that’s why I’m not mad.
[Wait, you’re not mad? Then what’s this really about?]
Oh, just that since you’re so comfortable in my body, now I can teach you about feminine hygiene.
That last statement had me worried, but not nearly as much as knowing I would be powerless to do anything but watch—and feel—whatever devious things were involved in feminine hygiene.
[Please tell me we’re talking about a normal bath, and not—]
Yep! Usually around this time every year mares become receptive to fertilization, beginning a cycle of estrus also known as heat.
[Oh god, you can stop! I know all about that!]
Maybe you know about the human reproductive cycle, but when you’re in control of my body, walking down the street winking—
[Why would I wink at stallions? I don’t want anything to do with them!]
Not that kind of winking. This is stuff you need to know!
[. . . Please stop. Please! What do I have to do?]
Shut up and let me put this damn tampon in.
I shuddered, or at least it felt like it, as I watched her pull a white object out of a wrapper. It was slender, long, and had small flowers printed on it as if that somehow made what was about to happen any better.
So, during her cycle a mare goes through several stages, some of them involving the shedding of. . . excess materials. Thus, from now on you’ll be keeping one of these in and changing it when it’s ‘full’ or every eight hours.
[I just. . . No! No man should have to do that!]
You’re not a man, you’re a guest in my body. A body which, need I remind you, you have been randomly taking over and calling your body! It’s so annoying when you go ‘me, mine, I, my,’ in my body. At best it’s our body.
[Okay, so I’ve gotten on your nerves calling it my body, and the bath tub thing was too far and kind of perverted, but this?!]
This is a perfectly normal part of being a mare. If I were you, I’d get used to it. For all we know, they’ll pull you out of me and turn you into a mare. A very horny and ugly one, if I have anything to say about it.
[Ouch, now you’re just being spiteful. They’ll find a way to send me home.]
Perhaps. Now, eyes front and center.
Dash had positioned herself in front of a mirror and put herself on full display to me. From this angle, without the excitement and hormones from the bath last night, it was not as enjoyable to stare at.
You just insert the tampon like this—
[Stop! That feels so strange!]
What? It’s not even halfway in. Grow some balls.
[Did. . . did you just. . . I’m so confused!]
Welcome to the club, buddy. Now a little further—
[LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, this isn’t happening! LA LA LA LA LA!]
—and pull the applicator back out.
I watched what was my first, and hopefully last, lesson in feminine hygiene in abject horror. Reading something in a textbook in school, and seeing it done to oneself, were very different. It all felt so foreign, and already I knew it would be like the itchy back you always get after a haircut. Now that the infernal contraption was in there, I knew it would be bugging me all day long.
[It’s so annoying.]
Good, I hope it does bug you all day long, Donny-boy.
[Great, more nicknames. Why not call me Susie or Mary?]
Eh, not as fun, Dude.
[Are we done here yet? And how the heck are you gonna get that thing back out?]
Easy, there’s this string to pull it out.
She demonstrated what she meant and I regretted it. This was a far cry from bath tub hijinks, at least in my mind. On the other hand, I sort of deserved a little payback for what I did.
Well, that’s all taken care of. What do you say we go get some breakfast?
[Do they serve bacon and eggs? Maybe some sausage gravy and biscuits?]
I’m going to assume you mean meat, in which case no. Some ponies eat fish, but I'm not in the mood for that right now.
[Do they serve any meat in this town?]
I think one restaurant near the hotel caters to Griffin visitors, but you are not, and I repeat not going to eat meat in my body. Understood?
[Whether or not I eat meat depends on whether or not you stick more things up my—I mean your privates!]
Ugh! You’re such a pervert. Just shut up and maybe I’ll go easy on you later.
[What’s later?]
Do you really want to know?
I pondered it for a moment and decided maybe a little peace and quiet would help us co-exist a little longer. After all, Twilight said we should try to stay separate, or hang on to our personalities, or something. I thought I was paying attention, but that egghead said a lot of stuff that sailed right past me.
Probably shouldn’t be reading my memories, Twilight sai—
[Yeah! I know what she said, I was just having trouble remembering it.]
She said to stop being a jerk. It was kinda nice of you to translate most of the gibberish for me. I swear, every time she starts to lecture us it’s Greek to me.
[That was you, not Twilight, that told me not to be a jerk.]
I continued to poke around in her brain discretely. The sensation of digging through memories was more like swimming than looking for files and folders. When I focused on it, her mind became a three dimensional space.
Inside this space was a labyrinth of interconnected thoughts and feelings. My ‘essence’, for lack of a better term, seemed to float in one corner of her mind, farthest from Dash’s ‘essence’. Near me were all my memories, connected to me, and they were easy to recall.
Farther away, I could ‘push’ myself through the invisible waters of her mind, reaching out to her recollections. Each time I did, pathways would form, connecting me to the memory I was seeking.
It was odd to be able to visualize something modern science had decided was almost unknowable. The human brain was still a mystery for all our advanced technology. Yet here inside of Dash, I was almost able to see her thoughts, recall events long past, and even witness instructions her brain was sending to her muscles.
Don?
The more I focused on it, the more I drifted away from the outside world. The vast webwork grew more clear the harder I focused on it. Hazy memories began to resurface. The smell of lilacs was connected to a beautiful spring day and a picnic with Fluttershy. The smell of ozone lead to a memory of an oncoming rainstorm.
Don!
I felt as if I was letting go, drifting toward the pleasant memories on Dash’s side of the network. The more I could see, the less I wanted to be stuck alone in my little corner of her world.
DON!
The web of memories vanished as I felt something hit the side of Dash’s head. After a moment I realized it had been her hoof, and recalled she had been trying to talk to me.
[Huh?]
Don, what the hell was that?
[What was what?]
You totally vanished on me! One second I could feel you, and the next you were just slipping away!
[I was just reading some of your memories.]
Well, don’t do it again, okay? You had me worried. For a second there I thought something horrible had happened, just like Twilight said!
[I’m sorry. . . I didn’t realize what was happening. Now that I know, I won’t do it again, okay? And next time I’m in control, if you see a labyrinth of memories, almost like a spider web, don’t explore it.]
Thanks for the heads up. Now, do you think you can not scare me like that while I finish breakfast?
[Breakfast? We haven’t left the house yet.]
Its been like half an hour. Just took me a moment to realize you’d slipped off to Narnia.
[That’s a human reference.]
Yeah? Well, you poking around is probably why I keep thinking of human stuff. Can we talk about something else? I hate worrying about things I can’t control.
[That’s a pretty wise statement coming from you. . . I mean, you’re wiser than you look. . . Wait, that didn’t come out right.]
Dash began to laugh and drew the attention of a few other patrons at the salad bar. Half a dozen tables sat outside in the sun, and a full plate of leafy greens sat in front of us.
You’re almost cute when you’re trying not to be an ass.
[Thanks, I think. . . So, please tell me that salad isn’t the main course. You guys at least have fruit? Pizza? Pasta? Something that’s not meat and not vegetables?]
Duh, but that’s a lot of carbs and I haven’t been doing my hourly morning workouts since you moved into my head, so we’re sticking to salad for now.
[Ugh, I hate vegetables.]
Oh, do you?
[Crap, I mean, I love them! I just love meat more.]
“Waiter!” Dash raised a hoof and beckoned him over. “This salad is delicious, could you get another ready? I’m still pretty hungry and this one is nearly done.”
“Of course, Miss.” The waiter left to get another salad.
“Yes, delicious indeed.” Dash smiled at Lyra, who was still giving her an odd look at her behavior. She then grasped a fork in her hoof using a technique I still didn’t quite understand, and took a large bite.
Leafy spinach and crunchy lettuce filled Dash’s mouth. She began to chomp on the vegetables.
Much to my dismay, they weren’t as horrific as I remembered. They almost—and I stress ‘almost’—tasted edible. There was a sweetness to them, perhaps the dressing, and they were so moist and fresh. The taste of the onion wasn’t offensive, nor did the garlic in the dressing make me want to cringe. Even the tomato seemed to perfectly compliment the other flavors when it burst open.
I thought you said you hated salad.
[I do, but this tastes different. On Earth, salad tastes like crap.]
Hmmph. Well, it’s not nearly as fun tormenting you if you enjoy it.
[Speak for yourself. I bet you twenty bucks a steak still tastes ten times better then these magic salads.]
Hah! I thought you hated when I explain stuff as ‘magic’. And now, this salad must be magic because you like the taste!
[That’s not what I mean! You just have different taste buds or something. I suppose that’s for the best, as all that salad and exercise has really toned your flanks.]
I felt Dash blush, and then take a large bite of salad to try and hide this fact from me. After a moment of chewing, she took a sip of water.
You. . . did you just compliment me? You find me attractive?
[Is that bad now?]
Why do you even like ponies? What happened to liking humans? Are the women that ugly on your planet?
[I don’t know. I like some humans, and the women are that ugly where I come from. I didn’t get out much. As for liking ponies, I don’t know. Part of me knows it isn’t natural, but another part, maybe it’s you, doesn’t find a problem with it.]
Yeah, well do me a favor and try to like ponies less. I don’t want you getting tempted to smack some poor mare’s flank as she walks by us.
[Deal. And, uh. . . he’s back with your salad. Are you gonna finish it?]
Dash smiled and thanked the waiter before picking at the second salad. I noticed it came with sliced eggs and croutons among the many vegetables. This time I paid more attention to which vegetables she was eating. I tried hard to remember how they tasted on Earth, and how they tasted here. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t quite recall how any of them had tasted.
As we sat and enjoyed the meal, I heard a pony walk up alongside us. “Dash, how wonderful to run into you!” Rarity said.
By the time Dash had turned to face her, I’d already picked up several memories about her. I tried to turn off my connection to her, but it was easier said than done. Memories of Gala dresses, Diamond Dogs, and the town drama queen flooded into my mind.
“Hey, Rare, what’s up?” Dash said.
“Oh, I’ve been looking all over for you. I have that. . .” Rarity glanced around and lowered her voice. “Special outfit you asked for.”
Dash almost choked on a bit of lettuce she had been chewing and started to blush. “I, uh—later! I’ll come by later and pick it up. Much later.”
“Come on, Dash, I haven’t even tailored it yet! We simply must get it ready in time,” Rarity whined.
[Not now! Didn’t Twilight talk to you?]
I chuckled as Dash spoke in my mind, and I felt myself moving her forelegs. I looked down at the salad, tossing one of the tomatoes in my mouth before pushing it away. “Okay, let’s go, Rarity.”
She smiled and levitated a few bits onto the table. “Marvelous, follow me.”
[No, Dude, don’t go with her! It’s not that kind of dress, and she takes forever to tailor stuff! Plus, she talks too much!]
A woman who talks too much? Preposterous!
[I’m serious, please. . . It’s private, just don’t follow her in. For me?]
Bah, where’s the fun in that? I didn’t want a tampon but I got one. Let’s go see what she made you.
[Ugh, fine. Mark my words, you’ll regret this. . . and not because of me. Oh no, what Rarity has in store is far worse than anything I could do.]
I laughed out loud at her threat and noticed Rarity looking at me with an eyebrow raised. “Oh, it was nothing, Rarity. Just a little joke from earlier. Say, have you seen Twilight?”
“Oh, not since before the party yesterday. Why, did you two have plans?”
Looks like somepony doesn’t know I’m a human yet.
“No, just curious. Say, have you been working out? Your flanks are so well-defined and white.”
Rarity blushed and bumped into me. “Hush, Dash, not in public. You always did love to tease everypony in town. At least now that you’re dating Soarin the rumors will die down a little.”
I followed Rarity into a building which I assumed was her store. As the door closed behind me, I noticed dresses and suits everywhere. Mannequins lined the inside of the windows and displayed her finest fashions, and in the corner she had a setup with mirrors I assumed was where she did her tailoring.
[And now you’re screwed.]
Huh? I thought I came here to embarrass you.
[There’s one thing you need to know about Rarity, one thing above all others if you value your masculinity or coolness: she makes the girliest outfits in Equestria.]
I chuckled as I followed Rarity over to the corner and stepped onto a small platform in front of the mirrors. “Okay, so what kind of frilly dress are you fitting Dash for today?” I said.
Rarity gave me a puzzled look with her head tilted. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just uh. . . nervous?”
“Well don’t be, darling, Soarin will absolutely love your outfit.”
“Wait, Soarin?!” I took a step back from her, bumping into one of the mirrors.
[Ahahahahah!]
As Dash continued to laugh, Rarity levitated a mannequin out containing the clothing in question. “Yes, it’s right here. You requested it when you started dating him.”
“Oh no, there’s been a misunderstanding! I left my oven on!” I muttered. “Someone has to feed Tank!”
Rarity set the mannequin down, but her horn continued to glow. I started to creep away from the tailoring booth she had set up. “Dash, I know how. . . uncomfortable you are being girly. Trust me, this is an outfit Soarin will absolutely die for.”
“Yep, but I changed my mind. We’ll work on this tomorrow!”
Rarity grinned mischievously, her eyes narrowing. “You did give me specific instructions to make sure you didn’t get cold hooves. After all, any stallion with a nose will be smelling that odor you’re putting off. You’ve gone into estrus, haven’t you darling?”
The shutters around the building began to close and I heard what could have been the door locking. I was starting to panic, and all because of that damn sexy outfit sitting in front of me.
[Haha, she’s right! Normally I’d be pretty embarrassed by this, but you’re even worse!]
“And the best cure for that itch is a nice set of lingerie and a handsome stallion,” Rarity chuckled and brushed her tail across Dash’s flank.
She’s a bit lacking in subtlety.
As Dash laughed at me—partly for ignoring her warning, and partly for what came next—I realized how red my cheeks had turned. They were burning from my blushing, and when I looked in the mirror they nearly matched the streaks of red in my hair.
“Dash, you’ve made your bed and you’ll have to lie in it,” Rarity said. She then chuckled, realizing her own play on words.
“So. . . what happens now?” I asked, continuing to back away until I bumped into the wall. I slid down onto my plot and leaned back. “Because I’m not liking where this is going.”
Rarity looked down at me and frowned. “You’re acting like a foal. Now get up and put on the maid’s outfit or I’ll do it for you.”
I shook my head and crossed my legs. “No.”
Rarity sighed. “This is for your own good. You wanted my advice on dating, and when Soarin mounts you, you’ll thank me.”
Oh god, please don’t let that happen.
[Haha, your attitude had better improve or I just might!]
Please, don’t joke like that! I’ll tell everypony about what you and that colt in flight camp did behin—
[Get outta my memories, dammit!]
I felt my hooves leave the ground and began kicking my legs around. Rarity had levitated me in her magic and set me down on the pedestal in front of the mirrors. I felt something at my hooves and looked down. She had actually tied a bolt of fabric around my back hooves to keep me from running.
“What kind of tailor shop are you running here?!” I shouted.
“Now, Dash, a lady does not raise her voice. Do I need to give you another lesson on your manners around stallions while I measure you for this outfit?”
[Yeah, Dude, make a smart ass remark. I dare you! Let her lecture you for an hour on manners!]
Quit being so cocky, you’re stuck here too!
[Yeah, but it’s a lot funnier from where I’m sitting.]
I sighed in defeat and lowered my head. “Okay, go ahead.”
“Now, since you’re being difficult I’ll have to dress you like a foal,” Rarity explained.
“But I’m not—”
“Uh uh, Dash. Give me your right leg.”
Rarity had levitated the maid outfit in front of me. My right foreleg was first to slide into its sleeve, and the left foreleg soon followed. Finally, she pulled it up over my head and down my neck. After only a couple moments, I was wearing a black silk dress.
The maid’s outfit covered my forelegs down to their first joint, likely the equivalent of an elbow. The tight, black silk ended in a frilly white lace. Already I had vowed never to set foot in this den of horrors again.
Rarity nudged my wings through the openings in the back and I felt a long string being drawn taut. It caused the dress to tighten up and cling to my ribs, causing the whole outfit to become form fitting. The dress ended just in front of Dash’s cutie mark, and I could feel it cling tightly to my flanks.
I shuddered. You enjoying this?
[Eh, I’ve been through worse. Your reactions are priceless though!]
And you look like a young mare from an adult film about to have sex with the pizza delivery pony.
[What?! I’d never! You take that back!]
Make me, sissy girl!
[Shut up! And to think I was considering being nice to you!]
If this is your idea of being nice, I think I’d prefer mean.
Bringing my attention back to Rarity, I realized something fuzzy was clinging to my hooves. At some point she had fit small silk socks to them which were a matching shade of black with small white flowers and vines near the top of them.
Rarity deserved credit for being skilled at her craft. She was levitating tape measurers, pins, needles, thread, and scissors around me all at the same time. I almost wished I hadn’t looked, because there were at least a dozen sharp objects in play at any given moment adjusting my dress. Just one wrong move, one attempt at escape, and she could cut me with any number of them.
I was trapped, so I let her continue her work. A low growl was the only protest I gave when she fastened a bonnet around my head. She adjusted it, did the buttons on my chest, and finally took a step back.
“Are we done here?” I asked, tapping a foot on the floor impatiently. “Seriously, Dash, I can’t believe you tricked me into coming here just to see me in a maid’s outfit.”
[Dude, you said that out loud.]
Rarity looked baffled as I spoke to myself. “Dash, whatever do you mean? You’ve been acting odd and talking to yourself.”
“Of course!” I complained. “You haven’t seen Twilight yet, so she hasn’t told you I’m not Dash! I’m a human, and Dash is stuck in here with me. She’s getting quite a kick out of it, too.”
Rarity shook her head and, surprisingly, loosened the cloth from my hind legs. “There’s only a couple more touches and you can go, there’s no need for pranks or lies. Besides, I know it’s you, Dash. You’re acting exactly like you always do when I need to fit you for a dress. You’re lucky I haven’t replaced that bolt of fabric with hoofcuffs to keep you still.”
“Great, so you and Twilight both own BDSM toys.” My words caused her to blush and look away.
[Oh no, Rarity, he doesn’t know yet!]
Rarity returned her gaze to me. “Is. . . her dungeon as good as mine?”
“What?! I was kidding! She kidnapped me and strapped me to this wooden board and had manacles and chains and everything! It was horrifying!”
Rarity moaned softly, and levitated out a pair of lace panties.
“What is wrong with you ponies?!” I shouted.
“Huh?” Rarity looked at me and at the panties. “Oh, this is the last part of your outfit. Are you going to put them on like a good filly, or am I going to have to punish you after this?”
“I just—you—Dash! It’s your turn, I don’t wanna play anymore,” I exclaimed. My pleas went unanswered as I stayed in full control of her body.
As Rarity closed in with the underwear I sighed and lifted my legs up one at a time. I felt them slide up my flanks and snugly attach to my female anatomy. My tail was pulled through a hole in the lingerie designed to keep them tightly in place.
Dash, of course, was laughing uncontrollably in my mind again. That must have been quite the freak show for her, knowing it was really a man being dressed up in a French maid’s outfit.
Your friends are all crazy. Seriously, the only normal one was Fluttershy and maybe Applejack, and if either of them have a dungeon I swear I’m flying straight to the moon and never coming back.
“You look lovely, Dash! Would you like to see it with a little makeup?”
I turned to face the mirrors and looked at myself. My jaw fell open as I took in the sight before me. It made no sense to wear socks, yet there they were on my—on Dash’s hooves. The more I thought of this as my body, the more my mind found ponies attractive. What my human self saw as slightly bizarre, the growing equine side of me saw as oddly erotic. The way they clung to my calves and softened my hoofsteps was incredible.
[Quit checking me out, you perv!]
But I—look at you! That maid’s outfit is incredible. It’s like a second skin, I can see every curve—
[PERVERT! That’s my body you’re ogling at. Show a little class!]
What, like you’re not enjoying the view? Go ahead and admit it: you’re hot.
[That’s not the point! Of course I look hot. I’ve got the best ass and flanks in Equestria! I can fly further and buck harder than any mare! Oh Celestia, now you’re making me get turned on!]
Hey, if I can’t find it sexy, then at least you can.
[Well you were Mr. Worried about our memories getting mixed up, and now you think it’s funny that you find ponies sexy!]
Actually, I find it sexy that they’re sexy.
Our argument was interrupted by the door to the shop clicking, then opening up. A small bell rang as a guest let themselves in, uninvited. Rarity quickly pulled the curtain in front of me and went to get the door.
“We’re closed!” Rarity shouted as she walked over.
“Rarity? I was looking for Dash, and Pinkie said she was here,” Twilight said.
She’s like a bloodhound.
[That’s Pinkie Pie.]
“She’s not here, and I have a customer here for an order of my evening wear. You will leave now and let my client have her privacy,” Rarity explained.
“Oh, but I could have sworn I saw Dash go in here,” Pinkie said. “And I can see hooves under that curtain!”
[Wait, that is Twilight and Pinkie?! Oh no, please don’t let them see me like this!]
What’s in it for me?
Rarity cleared her throat. “Please, come back later? If I see Dash, I’ll send her your way.”
“There’s something else, Rarity. Dash is having some problems right now,” Twilight explained. “She’s been possessed by some sort of alien, but it was some kind of accident.”
[One, I’d never live it down if they see me in lingerie! Everypony would think I’m some frou-frou schoolmare with a crush on Soarin. And two, they’ll know it’s really you dressing up like a French maid and I’ll tell them it’s all your idea!]
Not a very good plan, but I sort of deserved this mess for not listening to you. I’ll keep quiet, but we’re getting out of here after that and taking this ridiculous fantasy-wear off.
[Deal!]
The bell sounded as the door closed. Then the curtain swung open and I did my best to hide behind a nearby mannequin.
“So, Don, Twilight just explained you and Dash’s situation to me.” Rarity stood there frowning, but at least she was alone. Twilight and Pinkie had left.
“Heh, yeah, about that. . .” I fidgeted around in the silky dress, which was distracting me from rational thought. It was just too much to take in at once, and now I had an angry fashionista to deal with.
“I had no idea a male would find wearing a maid’s outfit so erotic. I suggest that the things we discussed here today remain private, or every single pony will know about this little stunt you and Dash pulled.”
[Hey, none of this was my idea!]
“Yeah, Rarity, Dash actually warned me not to come here. She knew it was for this. . .” I waved a hoof up and down the outfit, “ridiculous getup.”
“Ridic—ridiculous?!” Rarity huffed in anger and stomped a foot. “I’ve never been so insulted!”
“Whoa, back up! It’s actually really sexy and, uh. . . awesome! Yeah, we really like it, and I’d totally go have tons of sex in it but Dash won’t let me! I mean, I don’t want to!”
[Where’s a speeding train when you need something to jump in front of. . .]
Crap, what do we do? What do I say?!
“I’m onto you now, Don. You go running around laughing and modeling lingerie as poor Dash is stuck watching. Now, out with you! Don’t come back unless Dash is in control!”
Rarity began pulling the dress off me with her magic, somehow getting it all off of me without damaging it or knocking me off balance. She then used a bolt of fabric to smack my flank and chase me out of her store.
I stumbled out into the bright sunlight and looked around. Several ponies saw me exit the shop in a hurry and began to whisper to each other.
Well, that could have gone better.
[Yeah, but it could have gone much worse. Come on, I bet Twilight had something important to tell us.]
It better be good news or I’m going to punch somepony! I mean someone! Dammit!
Dash chuckled and I headed down the road towards Twilight’s house. I looked up at the sun and sighed. I still had a long day ahead of me.
3189931
Yeah, adult humor can be funny (and hopefully not scaring away too many potential readers...) And those bits are definitely fun to write.
3189330
Wait, you don't help jack off pens? Are you at least in the pen 15 club? This shatters my world views!
3189918
Please stop bullying me.
3189669
Yeah, Don's just a lot more willing to admit that Fluttershy is best cuddler. I bet at some point they shall cuddle again... who am I kidding, I'm the author and I demand it!
3188994
I would love to see it in print too, however, making money off Hasbro's IP may get me in trouble with "the man".
3190521 Penjacker is a word for one who practise the martial art of Penjack. Learn two China, faking retard.
3190589
Oh. I get it now.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pencak_Silat
I aporigize for offending you. Prease forgive me.
Okay, that was uncarred for ...
[dammit, I'm serious Kaidan, cut that shit out!]
Sorry, I had a little crisis of identity. Now that I know what your name means, it makes much more sense, and I will no longer mock or insult you. The rest of your countrymen will not receive such mercy.
[Yeah Kaidan is an asshole.]
Hey, I said sorry.
[Yeah right, he's totally gonna kick your ass now.]
This chapter...
...
...
I LOVE IT!!
Your proofreaders missed one:
The posessive pronoun is "its", without the apostrophe.
Also... could you settle on one consistent indicator for Dash's thoughts vs. Don's thoughts, please? The constant switching of whose thoughts are in square brackets and whose aren't makes it hard to follow the mental conversations sometimes. Maybe put Don's thoughts between { }s and Dash's in < >s, or put Dash's thoughts in blue, or something...
Aside from that, this is proving to be most amusing.
Kaidan. Kaidan. Kaidaaaaannnn.
You
Made
My
Fking day.
I was like, huh, nothing's going to be updated today, so I went and played some Blacklight.
After some rage and Machete One-Shotting, I came on to read some of Broken Blossom.
(Which your profile introduced me to, by the way )
(And I spent 15 hours straight reading the series )
Then I saw that star on my favorites.
And, damn.
This made my day.
Teehee! A maid outfit...lolololol. I bet Soarin will be reaaaalll appreciative.
Inb4 Don x Soarin. Totes gonna happen. I know you can't resist, Kaidan.
In other news, the integration continues...
3190646 Offering a counterargument, I think that Kaidan's current method of separating Dash's and Don's thoughts works just fine. He consistently puts the one who's NOT in control in brackets. And consistency is key.
Not only that, but sometimes I know there's about to be a swap in control because Dash's thoughts suddenly show up in brackets or vice-versa. Honestly, the two are such different characters it's usually not hard to tell them apart.
3190625
cdn.sheknows.com/articles/2013/02/morrissey-on-colbert.jpg
[Internally screaming]
Also, you're a bitch for actually changing it.
[Oh no, Rarity, he doesn’t know yet!]
Did you mean to write she instead?
I got drunnk and i read 2 chapters of your fic , and while i want more, you post chapter 5... I don't think i ever felt more affection to another human being. Thank you.
Edit: My girlfirend saw that comment so i need to change my statement. I hope you post another chapter of Private Moments or it's going to be a rough night...
Well this chapter was certainly something else. I did not read the clop but I think I can guess correctly on what happen. This back and forth between them getting back at each other can only last so long. The question is, when will they compromise and stop with there shinangins. Also, if your going to reply to a comment don't copy and past for the next chapter. When you do that I don't get a notification. Unless of course that's was your plan all along....
*saw the title*
Had to do it
I've been getting mixed results in my attempts at research, but it seems like the majority of what I found made no indication of bleeding during estrus. One result actually hinted that if the mare's urine was blood tinged - which would be inevitable given that the urethra opens inside the vaginal canal in horses - she should be seen to by a veterinarian.
I can only assume that you're purposely mixing human/equine features in a manner in order to further bother Don.
Is this the Friday chapter? It's Wednesday here.
Good thing we are reading it, not seeing it. Especially the fact Don isn't describing it in more detail is.... merciful.
Don is getting punished now, and a lot more is coming soon. He better get in some more victories in soon or this war will be a..... one horse race.
3190713
It DOES make it kind of hard to follow. I couldn't tell the brackets were an indicator until I read your comment. It's consistent, sure, but what does consistency matter if it consistently doesn't work?
3190849 Well it was only my opinion. I pick up on systems like that very quickly, so it works perfectly fine for me. I'm sorry
I'm a better readerthat the system doesn't work as well for others.I feel bad for Don. He doesn't deserve this crap from Rarity. Oh well.
Computer = GOOD
Rarity = EVIL, THE PURIST KIND (In my opinion.)
This story is sexually awesome!
Oh,did I say that?
But seriously,this story is pretty damn awesome and since RD is my favorite Mane 6 pony makes it even better
3190924
Yeah, but Rarity did just confess her BDSM dungeon to Don and flirt with him... Just remember she's a drama queen.
I can't find my scissors. Worst. Day. Ever!
3190646
It was originially going to be blue and red, but brackets were cleaner and showed up better on e readers (for all one of my fans I know only reads on them. I also have some colorblind readers, and it would look yucky.)
3190713
Is right and I could have used such feedback when I started. We all figured having the one not in control in brackets would make it clear. Though, I can see why having Dash always in brackets and Don always in <> would make it easier to follow.
That would also make it harder to tell if Dash or Don is control, and then it'd rely solely on whether the narrative was more third or first person at the time and other context anyway...
The whole system is balanced on a razor's edge, so I don't want to break it, but I'll keep working on the balance of inner dialogue, thoughts, and 1st/3rd person stuff. Heck, the pronouns are horrible enough. Is it my body, our body, Dash's body? Poor Don is just doing the only thing he knows and being possessive of her body.
3190849
I'll solicit some more feedback and see if the system can be improved, or at least add a foreword or something to better explain it. I've never written multiple viewpoints in one body before.
3190838
Haha, true. The small mercy he afforded you all. If you'd seen the things I've seen as a Nurse...
And this was Fridays chapter, but I wrote it today, so now I'm writing next week's chapter and cloptional side-story for Friday! You can't stand in the way of progress! Unless you're congress!
3190800
Yes, let's go with that... I did a little research into it, mostly in regards to frequency and length of the phases of their estrus. I didn't see that they bleed like we do, but I didn't see that they didn't... so, artistic license time 3190793
I think the most important, and merciful, thing us authors have done is allow female ponies to experience orgasm. Poor mares in real life are just used and discarded by stallions...
Then again, humans and horses are also two of the only mammals that have no penile bone (Baculum) which leads me to believe we have more in common with our furry pony brethren than is readily apparent.
Perhaps we should start a group to properly educate all bronies on proper horse anatomy.
3190793
Pretty awesome clip.
3191019 Cutie Mark Crusader Hoers Period Yay?
3191019
Aim to please
3190780
Not sure I follow... I just reply to comments, I don't copy and paste... hmm, what ever it is, I'm sure it's Knighty's fault.
They'll have a truce soon. Let's just say, Dash is going to have a decisive victory in addition to "shit getting real" enough that he backs off while they actually try to fix it. (And not 'fake try' so that Don can hit on her friends some more.)
Let's also say I know that all good things must come to an end. Shenanigans are no substitute for plot.
3190765
I meant Don doesn't know about it yet, though it is a tad confusing.
3190772
Good luck with the girlfriend. Did you explain you were only trying to explore the intimate feelings of a female during bath tub fun, or something? Anyway, I can't be of much help there as I only planned to write Twilight's Plant Problem tonight.
3190764
I thought you wanted me to correct it.
3190710
Thanks :D I'm having fun writing them and as a reader of my own collection of stories, I know how awesome an update feels. That's probably why fans of my Scootaloo fic are so sad, I managed Daily updates for nearly a month straight as an experiment. It's been 2 or 3 months now... anyway, you're safe in this story!
3190640
Thank you.
3191036
Cutie Mark Crusader Gynecologists, Yay!
Speaking of that, someone pointed something out I didn't know about the bath... and Dash may be paying her doctor a visit soon for a female wellness checkup. . . which means yet another experience no man should have to go through.
3191048 She already left so i change my previous statement againt, you are just amazing. And don't worry about it. Vinyl and Chocolatavia, here i come.
lol, great so far, Dache and I really like it.
~Well of course you do, but I don't know if I do yet.~
oh, get over it. it was your idea to copy this fic and create a device to hop into my head.
~......Touchè~
I think, if you were to update this story every day I got home from school, then I'd have to make a machine who's sole purpose is letting me throw money at my computer screen and having it arrive in your house.
Seriously, best day ever today.
-this fic updates
-other fav stories of mine update
-I got to draw a moustache and a goatee on myself in Theatre Artes.
This story continues to be hilarious.
and some of the women are that ugly where I come from.
There. Fixed it.
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/050/5/5/rarity_this_is_too_short_by_wicklesmack-d5vjvg7.png
soooooo is don slowly becoming more effemanite or more pony like
Love this.
Well done,
Good job,
thanks for taking the time to entertain us!
Keep going ^^
oh the side stories
God job bro!
I mean, poor don.
I was speechless for about a minute, then the first words to come out of my mouth were, "WHAT THE F***!?"
along with "HOLY FREAKING S***!" and "Oh God! My innocence!"
I'd have to agree with Dash.
3191048
•••Bunch of long ass replies.
•••Mine is only two words.
FFFFUUUUUUUU
Ha, oh man. This made work much more better.
Reading this chapter for me:
Tampon part:
Maid Dash scene:
And the rest of Rarity: from to
You made my day.
3191536
Sometimes I just don't have something funny or witty to say. Sometimes I just reply in pictures and meme's. It's luck of the draw. Just know I'll always love all my followers equally.
3191602
The tampon scene was supposed to play on the "creepy factor" for guys. Seeing how most guys have never seen one, let alone realized they can cause toxic shock syndrome and easily kill a woman in under 24 hours if misused.
3191527
Yeah, Dude is a hell of a nickname and the fact he doesn't like it makes it better.
Also, Susie, Mary.... Sue and Mary... Mary Sue?! Why has no one praised my genius? Oh wait, this already has more views then every other story of mine but my two raunchiest clops. That actually is VERY high praise.
3191495
Don better get his act together, or Dash my pay Rarity a conjugal visit in a certain side story and leave Don tied up and helpless.
Yes, this story has so much potential... I might not ever let them fix Rainbow Don.
3191419
It's all perspective. He's suffering, but he's also gone where no brony has gone before!
3191367
Updates! Updates everywhere! Friday us fans of the main story and the side story will have something to be excited about.
3191354
Thanks for thanking me for taking the time. Your tax dollars do pay my salary, so it's only fair I spend my time at work writing the pony stories you want!
3191324
A little column A, a little column B (both.) It's subtle now. Is his 'curiosity' in her lady parts his perversion? Or was Dash thinking about it and caused him to think about it? Does he find Fluttershy attractive because as a human he would have, or because Dash has feelings for her?
All this and more, next time!
3191310 3191215
Yeah, I was gonna say... you haven't seen the women where I'm at.
Let's just say, I'm in the military and leave it at that. Okay?
images.defensetech.org/wp-content/uploads//2009/11/female-driving-sub.jpg
If you looked at that and thought "Wow, she's so cute!" then you're clearly in the military and haven't seen a civilian woman in years. Though to be fair, she's a Naval 8 out of 10. On the civilian scale? Well... let's just say the fact she is the *only* woman on the sub gave her about 8 points.
(also, pony + maid outfit = winning.)
3191192
I've considered letting people donate me money, but then I'd feel weird.... I would prefer to have like, a super popular youtube channel and make money from adsense, or sell you guys some of my home-made RPG's and Starcraft 2 custom maps or something, you know? It feels more real then money for fiction...
Anyway, thanks for the sentiment, and if that machine ever gets built I'll be sure to write ten times as fast.
3191142
Yep. Remember that in ten chapters when Don is braiding Rarity's hair in the spa, while Aloe and Lotus condition his mane.
3191088
Not sure what's going on, but anybody who is sharing a body with a predator gets my respect. Don't vaporize me.
3191076
Woohoo! So many good ones to keep you entertained. Don't forget my all-time favorite clopfic, written for me by the amazing RainbowBob and TittySparkles.
3191796that my secret
I'm always excited
Being a man with no shame, Dash wouldn't threaten me with letting Soarin mount her (Something I would literally kill to avoid) while I was in her mind.
The reason why:
I would threaten to model her new maid outfit through all of ponyville.
The best part... She would know I would.
While I have no desire to wear womens.... well, anything.
I am the type to do so if it means getting revenge on someone.
I would do it with a skip in my step, a song in my heart, and a smile (One as seductive and lewd as I could muster) plastered across her face.
3191796
THERE'S SO MUCH MORE PONIES IN MAID OUTFITS. IT'S LIKE A BOTTOMLESS PIT.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/4/18/301485.png
rainbowdash.net/file/mushi-20111108T135845-xhwskpk.png
static4.fjcdn.com/comments/What+is+all+this+with+Luna+and+Celestia+as+maids+_e0dc8093ac06b9c21df7f2322e189b29.jpg
4.bp.blogspot.com/-Dl701iUW0zo/TsGTgV6b9UI/AAAAAAAAUNA/JvldSCagxKQ/s1600/84688+-+The_Great_And_Powerful_Trixie+Trixie+angry+artist+Zev+maid+plot+sadly_missing_necessary_detail.png
IT'S LIKE SHARKS WITH HUMAN TEETH, MAN!
3188934
YEah man, I read that too.
NOW UPDATE THIS!!!!
and Twilight's Dollhouse 2
In the dollhouse 2, I believe there will be an epic fight between Twilight and Lyra for the Element of Magic!!!
3191796
I know, just the result of me getting 3 hours of sleep last night. So yea, I'm tired, but fuck sleep!
3191796 lol, the Yautja is in MY body, I just have yet to create an image of Mythic.
3191796
Well, to be honest, I don't find the usage of tampons "creepy" as much as others do. Plus, you learn quite a bit of female hygeine through a few relationships. They were...informing at times.
3191048
What I mean by the copy and past comment is that when I replied to you in chapter four your reply to my reply was in chapter five. The annoying part is that is does not say my name just a bunch of numbers. I noticed your last reply out of curiosity there was no notification of any kind. Also because I like reading comments from other people.
3191796
TO THE LAB!
Hmmmm... This is either disturbing or humorous. Probably both.
[Help! I'm being blackmailed and i cant get out!]
Ignore that. This is actually a good HiE.
[Heeeeeelp!]
Shush! And I'm sure everyone will agree that we enjoy the rapid updates. Keep it up!
Kaidan, I love you man.
I'm not feeling this chapter. I mean, I get Don not liking the tampon, but I'd think he'd like wearing a maid outfit as Rainbow. It's not like he has any reason to think the "crossdressing" will affect his reputation and, as you've established, he likes mortifying Rainbow. He also seemed to be pretty comfortable being a mare; he didn't have a problem with masturbating in Private Moments. With his growing pony attraction I'd think he'd be taking any chance possible to ogle their body.
If you're trying to establish their personalities and perspectives are merging, well, I guess this is a subtle way of showing that, but you'll need to really pull it off in the next couple of chapters for it to not fall flat.
I also didn't really laugh this time. You've already used most of the jokes before and there wasn't really any clever word play or interesting situational irony to give the scenes palpable subtext. The best line was about Rarity's sex dungeon, but I was distracted by Don's behavior not making sense to me.
3191796
Regarding the example gal for military beauty, she is kinda cute.
Truth be told though, I've found many service women to be more up my alley than the civilian normalities.