3. New Pony Party
“That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, Dash! Why do you have chairs, doors, tables, and all sorts of things that seem to be made for humans?”
[What? They’re made for ponies. There’s no way humans lived here or we’d know about it.]
I sighed as I walked down a street in Ponyville. They all looked the same: dirt, colorful houses, smiling ponies. This could have been anything from the main street to the ghetto and I wouldn’t have known the difference. This town needed a little excitement—some entropy, and maybe a tornado.
We were on our way to Sugarcube Corner. Dash had promised that I would find food there that doesn’t contain vegetables. I was certain that as soon as she got control of the body back, she would eat a salad. She had clearly underestimated how much I hated them, and I don’t see the big deal about eating some pizza or pasta instead.
“Okay, chairs. You have to climb up on them and lean back and sit. Isn’t there a more pony friendly kind of chair?” I asked.
[Well, how would you design a pony chair then?]
“Uh, I’d shape it like a pony, duh.”
[That’s not an answer!]
“Doorknobs then. Who has hands around here?”
[Those are decorative, and they allow unicorns something to grasp with their magic. Pegasi houses don’t have doors. And on Applejack's farm, the doors don’t even latch closed.]
I sighed and looked up into the sky. The sun was beating down on me and I could feel a layer of sweat beneath my hair. It was humid too, which was just adding insult to injury at that point. I can deal with heat, but I didn’t need the air sweating for me. “Fine, this is an argument I’m not gonna win now. But just you wait, I’ll prove humans used to live in Equestria!”
I used my foreleg to try and wipe some of the sweat off my face. Instead, it would seem my entire coat of fur was damp. If Sugarcube Corner doesn't have central air conditioning then I’m going to strangle the proprietor of the store.
[Well, you’re clearly delusional then. I’ll buy that you’re some sort of alien who claims to be human, but until I see you back in your human body and get Twilight or somepony to prove it, I’m just gonna assume you’re some kind of parasprite that wrapped itself around my brain stem and took control of my body.]
“You realize you’re now describing my favorite sci-fi show?” I thought back to watching T.V. on Earth and realized how boring their lives must be here without it. “Each time our memories bleed together it worries me.”
[Why? Because of all the porn you look at on the internet? It’s not like stallions here don’t look at the Wonderbolt edition of Playcolt. They just have a little class.]
I shook my head. “Yes, it’s because I look at porn. It’s not that I’m worried pretty soon our brains will get mixed up like a bowl of soup, to the point they can’t pull me out. It’s like we know things we shouldn’t know before the other one thinks them.”
[Nah, don’t worry! Twilight always fixes everything. When she doesn’t, we have the Elements of Harmony. And when that fails, Celestia always seems to be exactly powerful enough to fix everything.]
“That’s very comforting. I’ll be sure to ask her to fix this when I meet her, because I’m sure it’s that easy.”
“Dash!” a voice shouted. I began to recognize it as it got closer. “Hey, Dash!”
I turned around and smiled, feeling many positive emotions coming from Dash. For the first time since she got stuck with me in her body, I could feel a warmer, happier side.
“Hey, Scootaloo!” I said. So, this is your little sister? How cute.
[She has a family, I’m just like. . . her hero, sister, and all around awesome role-model! You better not mess with her.]
Dash, when have I lead you to believe I’d mess with innocent fillies? I mean, of course I would, but I can tell this one is special to you.
Three fillies had gathered in front of me with mischievous smiles. “So, what are you and your friends up to?” I asked.
“We’re crusadin’ for our cutie marks!” a yellow filly said. I looked at her and smiled in pride, although I couldn’t recall her name. At least some of our memories were still separate. Each time I saw a pony and knew who they were without asking it felt wrong. If I can’t remember her name, I guess you can’t remember that pony I killed last night.
[What? You killed somepony?!]
I knew it! Quit eavesdropping!
[Eavesdropping? I’m trapped here watching this freak show whether I want to or not.]
“Dash, we need your help for our crusade,” Scootaloo said.
“Alright, how can I help?” I smiled and couldn’t help but feel a little happier myself. I guess children have that effect on people, so long as they aren’t your own hellspawn.
“Ah’ll show ya,” the filly said.
[Apple Bloom.]
Thanks, I’m sure it would have come to me.
I followed the three fillies behind a nearby house and halted, with my breath stuck in my throat. “What—is that a trebuchet?!”
“Yeah, do ya like it?” Apple Bloom said.
I took a moment to walk around it in awe. It was at least ten feet tall, and nearly larger than the house it was behind. I didn't know how they could have built it or moved it into town unseen. At the bottom was a large barrel full of rocks for a counter-weight. A series of ropes and pulleys were set up to allow it to be fired. Several watermelons were lined up against a nearby wall.
“Please tell me you built this for some kind of county fair.”
“No, we built it to see if we can get siege warfare cutie marks!” Scootaloo shouted.
“Cutie Mark Crusader Siege Warfare Specialists, yay!” the three fillies shouted in unison.
“Now, engineering cutie mark I might have understood. Pumpkin throwing contest? Sure, why not. But seriously? Your parents let you build a trebuchet to see if you had a talent at destroying fortified structures?” I looked at the three confused, young fillies.
“Well, we built a catapult and a ballista too.” Sweetie motioned past the trebuchet. “It’s a. . . science project!”
Sure enough, I spotted a catapult and a ballista. The catapult had clearly been made by Sweetie. It had been whitewashed and adorned with colorful pink and purple decorations and fabric. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought it was built out of a decorative table and only accidently had the capability to fling fruit hundreds of yards.
The ballista scared me. It reminded me of an elementary school project where we had been tasked with a similar goal. Each student built a device that was to fling a tennis ball fifty yards. To pass, you had to get it close to the goal.
Firing my own homemade slingshot made of two by fours and plywood was scary. Imagining this ballista firing without proper supports or cross beams like the trebuchet had was absolutely horrifying.
Scootaloo’s creation looked like it had been built on the spot, with large planks of wood driven into the ground to keep it from moving. The wood was splintered and bowing under the tension in a few spots, and it hadn't even been cocked yet! Nails jutted out from the sides. It had crosshairs, and flames—actual orange and purple flames—painted along the sides.
Most disturbingly, there was a skateboard in the groove and it appeared you could fire a pony just as easily as a piece of fruit.
Dash, tell me something: Is this considered normal around here?
[Is what considered normal?]
This! The trebuchet! Children building weapons for fun!
[What? Who hasn’t wanted to fling fruit hundreds of yards for fun before? Besides, it’s not like anypony is foolish enough to launch themselves out of one.]
I shook my head. Who am I to disagree? “Alright then, you want me to help you fire them I assume?”
“Actually, you need to be our spotter,” Scootaloo explained. “Fly up there and make sure the coast is clear. We’ve pointed them towards the Everfree, but you’ll have to make sure nopony gets hurt accidentally.”
I sighed, looking at the ballista—is that duct tape? She’s using duct tape to hold her ballista together.
[Well, you gonna spot or not.]
We both know I can’t fly.
[It’s like riding a bike while sharing the body of Lance Armstrong, and stealing all his memories, and ruining his date, and being an all around asshole.]
Still pissed off about Soarin? What am I gonna have to get forgiven for that?
[Let him bang you.]
No! Absolutely not, you’re disgusting! Just—just stop, okay?
I could hear her laughing in my head and knew from experience it was unlikely she’d stop laughing anytime soon. Deciding to take her advice, I took a deep breath and acted far more confident than I felt. I beat my wings, focusing on keeping them in sync. My eyes were closed as I got ready for liftoff.
Once I opened my eyes, I was probably a hundred feet in the air. My wings fold shut out of fear and a second later, I was flapping them panicked now fifty feet off the ground. “Holy shit, Dash, look! I’m doing it!”
[Yeah, the best flyer in Equestria is flying! Stop the presses! Pegasi can fly! Come on, Dude, you stole my memories; of course you can fly.]
Still on the stealing? Well, you stole my memories of my porn stash. I bet you’re back there right now fantasizing about the Japanese girl and the octopus.
[. . .]
I don’t blame you, it’s hot.
[Are all humans such perverts?]
Yeah, some just hide it better than others.
I heard a loud thud and a whistling sound as something rocketed through the air, nearly hitting me. My wings continued to flap on instinct, hovering me there. I watched as a large watermelon sailed towards the Everfree, falling short and crashing through somepony’s roof.
[Oh, now I see what you mean. These catapults could be dangerous!]
Stop the presses! Dash finally figured out weapons of war are dangerous!
[Hey, shut up or I’m gonna make that your third offense!]
Please, you haven’t even gotten me back for the first two. I’m not even sure you’ll have control of your body long enough to get any sort of revenge.
A loud thud filled the air and another missile soared past me. I looked down and saw the catapult. Most of the decorations had fallen off from the force of it being fired. I flew to the side and watched it sail straight through a window.
[Dude, we need to tell them to stop! This is almost as bad as the time they tried to be paramedics!]
Really? Because it’s a lot of fun from where I’m flying.
[Har har, laugh it up but when the angry ponies ask who was supervising them, they’re gonna tell them it was me!]
Somepony has their panties in a bunch.
[I don’t wear frou-frou panties! And stop saying somepony! It’s someone, right? Stop stealing my words!]
I was wondering how I had gotten my vocabulary mixed up when I heard something crack, splinter, and then explode. Down below, the arm of the catapult flew loose as the catapult tore itself apart. A chunk of wood flew through the air, embedding itself in the side of a nearby house.
Oh, this is priceless. Just one more, okay? I really wanna see that trebuchet in action. At least Apple Bloom knows which end of the hammer to use.
Apple Bloom started to prepare the trebuchet for launch. I didn't know everything about siege warfare, but I knew trebuchets were the best siege weapon of their time. They had the most power and range, and if the filly who built it was any indication, this one would easily reach the Everfree.
It was taking a while for her to get the watermelon ready for launch. I realized I wasn’t even thinking about flying. Hovering seemed so automatic, like walking. I decided to fly around a little and see if I had a good grasp of it. My wings felt shaky and I was able to control my direction and speed a little bit, though I wasn’t sure I’d have called that flying.
I lost sight of the trebuchet and I flew back towards where I thought it was. As I flew around I realized I’d lost sight of the three fillies I was supposedly watching. Finally, I saw the tip of the trebuchet as the arm flew forward. In the grasp of the sling was the largest watermelon I had ever seen.
Fuck my lif—
OOMPH!
I had felt it smack into my chest, and all the wind get knocked out of me. The world went black for several seconds and I lost all feeling. After what seemed like an eternity, I began to wake back up.
Something felt different—aside from the crippling pain and lack of breath. I tried to correct our rapid descent and realized I couldn’t move. I was still groggy, but managed to call for help.
[Dash, fly dammit!]
I—ooh. . .
There were several sharp pains in my side as I felt the wings flap. Dash seemed to be back in control of our body, and was quickly slowing our ballistic descent. Finally, she landed on her hooves, and began to examine herself.
[How did that not kill us?]
“Pegasi are very squishy, dude. Like, the bones are flexible so they don’t break that easily.”
[Is squishy the scientific term for it? You know what, I’m filing that with Pinkie Pie in the ‘shit I don’t care about’ pile. At least we’re alive.]
“WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!” a filly screamed.
Dash looked immediately into the air to find the source of the noise. Sailing towards us was Scootaloo, legs wrapped around a skateboard and flapping her wings like a hummingbird.
[What was that you said about nopony being stupid enough to strap themselves onto a ballista?]
She took to the air immediately and I focused on the feel of her wings and her memories of flight. Since I was a spectator again, the least I could do it try to learn a thing or two.
Dash quickly intercepted Scootaloo in mid-air. I don’t know if she was still out of it from the trebuchet nearly killing us, or perhaps just sore, but she collided with Scootaloo instead of catching her.
The familiar pain of the laws of physics correcting themselves shot through me. An object in motion remains in motion until colliding at terminal velocity with your ribcage.’
After several seconds I felt Dash hit something and stop moving. As I laid there I waited for her to get up, only realizing after a minute of trying to calm down that I was back in control.
Hey, Dash, you okay?
[Yeah, Dude.]
Guess what? I think blunt force trauma is a reliable way to switch who is in control! Isn’t this—I felt Scootaloo hug me and a sharp pain shot through my wing. Okay, not great but it’s a start.
[I don’t think we’ll be flying anymore for a day or two. I bet Twilight or that cute unicorn doctor could fix us up.]
Really? A crush on a doctor and a Wonderbolt. No stallion in this town is safe.
“Dash, that was so awesome!” Scootaloo yelled in my ear. “I bet I was flying fast enough to do a sonic rainboom!”
[Ha! Not even close.]
“Look, squirt, that’s enough siege warfare for today. I’ll teach you to fly if you promise not to launch yourself out of any more weapons, okay?” I said.
“Really?” Her eyes lit up and she smiled. “You're usually so busy, but you’ll find more time to teach me?”
[Come on, Dude, let’s sort out this alien situation first.]
“Of course I will! No more dangerous cutie mark stuff, and I’ll start teaching you as soon as my wings heal. You fillies nearly killed me!”
“Haha,” Scootaloo giggled. “Nopony ever dies around here except from old age.”
“Yeah, that’s physically impossible. Heart attacks, accidental falls, murder?”
Her eyes went wide and she gasped. “But. . . Dash, that’s horrible! Nopony has murdered another for hundreds of years!”
[Quit scaring her, Dude!]
You seriously expect me to believe ponies don’t die around here?
[Of course they do, you freakin’ idiot! But we don’t scare our fillies by telling them all about it!]
“Heh, sorry. I uh, hit my head pretty hard. Just run along now, okay? I’ll see you around but I’ve got some important stuff involving cupcakes to do.”
I patted her on the head and she seemed content to run off towards town. No doubt she was either going to launch herself again, or find a place to hide as several angry homeowners looked for the fillies who had launched watermelons into their houses.
Walking back into town wasn’t as bad as I thought. True to her word, Dash seemed to have a rather well-built body. Perhaps it was their anatomy and physiology, or maybe it was magic, but I could feel she hadn’t broken any bones. For all my schooling back on Earth, I couldn’t think of a single human, or even animal on Earth, that could take that kind of abuse without fracturing several ribs.
The smell of Sugarcube Corner reached me long before I could see it. My stomach began rumbling and I realized how hungry I was. Finally I would have something to eat that tasted as good as it looked.
After running down the road like a filly on a sugar high, I skid to a halt in front of the bakery. Going inside revealed several ponies in a large lounge, complete with party streamers, cake, punch, cupcakes, cookies, and. . .
Wait, why is there a party going on in a bakery?
[This is where Pinkie lives, and she’s throwing a party for the new pony, which is you. Remember?]
Haha, oh yeah, now I do. She’s probably going crazy trying to find me.
[Whatever you do, don’t mess with Pink—]
Her thought was ignored as I shoved the largest cupcake I could find into my mouth. I could barely close my mouth to chew it, and had to use a hoof to keep it all in. Finally, I made some progress as it began to dissolve in my mouth.
The sugary treat slid down my throat and already I was craving another. I caught an ugly orange pony staring at me.
[It’s Applejack you idiot. She’s probably wondering if I’ve finally gone insane, and she’s not far from the truth.]
I smiled and winked at her seductively—or at least I tried to be. Then, while she looked at me with her eyes wide in shock, I grabbed two cupcakes and shoveled them into my mouth. My sweet tooth as a human was pretty strong, but if I didn’t know better I’d say that Dash never ate a cupcake in her whole life. I felt so giddy with each bite.
[Slow down! Of course they taste good, but I hardly eat any. I’m an athlete! Say it with me: ath—lete. I have to eat healthy and exercise, or my flanks would be chubby and full of cupcakes.]
Sounds like your problem. This is your body, after all. As for me, I’ll be home free in a day or a month, and you’ll be stuck here with diabetes and thunder thighs.
[Did. . . did you just say I have thunder thighs?]
Not yet, but you will have thunder thighs after all these cupcakes.
The sensation of fury radiating off her reminded me that, at her core, Dash was a woman. I then realized that the last thing you should ever do to a woman if you value your continued existence, is to call them fat.
Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, okay?
[. . .]
Look, you can make that twenty to get even with me or something, just don’t throw me under the bus when we go see Twilight to fix this. You’re not fat, and you're way more fit than I ever was.
“Dashie! You made it!” Pinkie shouted.
Before I could turn to face her, she latched around my neck and hugged me. “Hey, Pinkie.” I grabbed another cupcake and ate it. Dash was already pissed off at me, the least I could do was enjoy some cupcakes.
“So, did you find the new pony? Did you?” Pinkie asked.
“Yeah, he’s right over there. You just missed him.” I raised a hoof and pointed across the room towards what looked like a kitchen.
“Thanks!” Pinkie vanished—not ran, I’m fairly certain I would have seen her run—and I saw her in the kitchen. Moments later she popped up right next to me with a frown on her face. “Nope, I must have just missed him.”
It took every ounce of strength to will myself not to ask how she did that. Odds were it would’ve involved a long explanation, a song and dance, or more examples of her supernatural abilities.
As much as she freaks me out, I bet we could have some fun with her.
[. . .]
I realized that insulting women was a good way to get some peace and quiet. Usually I have to listen to them for hours, pretending to care, only to find out they weren’t going to come back to my place for hot coffee anyway.
“Pinkie, look!” I pointed up the staircase. “There he went!”
“I’m on it!” Pinkie saluted me, then vanished as she sprinted up the stairs.
“So, my delicious little morsels,” I said to the platter of sweets. “You will tell me the location of the hidden rebel base. . . or I will eat all of you!”
“Uh, Dash, what are ya doin’ talkin’ to yourself?” Applejack said.
“Not now! Yes, not even Applejack can save you.” I reached down and grabbed a chocolate and strawberry cupcake, eating both greedily. I could feel frosting all over my cheeks and nose. Luckily my tongue was long, prehensile, and utterly amazing. If I ever made it back to Earth I could probably get a nobel prize for the scientific discoveries I made here. I wouldn’t—scientists are boring as fuck—but I totally could if I wanted too.
“Sugarcube, ah think it’s best if y—”
“Nope, no new pony!” Pinkie interrupted. “Ugh, this is awful! I can’t make my body stop twitching and it’s getting worse! If I didn’t know better, I would think it’s working its way up to a real doozy!”
“Maybe he’s in this cupcake. I’ll investigate,” I said. I ate another cupcake and felt my stomach starting to ache in protest. Looking back, I can’t recall how many cupcakes I had eaten. I’m pretty sure they’d be outlawed alongside heroin and cocaine back on Earth. These things were addictive.
“Hmm, if I baked him into a cupcake I would have had to cut him up into really tiny pieces, but even then, that’d mean I knew where he was,” Pinkie explained.
“I’m waiting for Twilight,” I explained, “or I’d help you look. The new pony told me he was hiding under one of the tables. Keep looking, you’re getting warmer.”
Pinkie bolted away, and the table clothes began to swish and swoosh as she darted between the various tables. I took this opportunity to finish the rest of the cupcakes on the platter. When I turned my head, Applejack was still standing there.
My mouth was still half full and I spat crumbs out as I spoke. “Whaf? Habn’t yu sheen uh mare whoosh kraven sugeer?”
“It ain’t polite to talk with your mouth full, Dash,” Applejack answered.
I finished swallowing the last of the cupcakes. “I said, haven’t you ever seen a mare who was craving sugar?”
“Ah don’t think ah’ve ever seen ya eat that many cupcakes.”
“And ah don’t think ah’ve ever seen a pony with a stick so far up their butt.”
Applejack’s eyes went wide and she frowned, not sure what to make of my insult. I could see her nostrils flaring and realized she must be counting to ten or something in an attempt not to hit me.
Say, Dash, does she have a temper?
[Why don’t you call her thunder thighs and see what happens?]
Well, if you’re gonna be a smart ass. . .
“Hey, thunder thighs, back off. You’re in the way of me and my cupcak—”
I never saw her hoof coming. To be fair, I had it coming, but I had no clue they could hit so hard. She watched as I turned my head back towards her with a big smile. Despite the force of the impact, I think she’d pulled that punch. Applejack looked like she was strong enough to have knocked me out cold if she wanted to.
After a moment I realized I was still in control. Perhaps that theory about blunt force trauma was wrong? Time to turn on the water works and get outta this mess. “Sorry, my date with Soarin ended. . . It—he left,” I cried. It wasn’t hard as she had really hurt my jaw.
“Oh, ah’m sorry sugarcube. Ah knew somethin’ was botherin’ ya, come here.” Applejack pulled me in for a hug.
My past sins forgiven, I returned the hug and marveled at how forgiving and trusting ponies around here were. If only people back on Earth could be this awesome, ready to set aside their differences and let the past stay in the past. My mind wandered until I finally realized I was wishing Earth was more like Equestria. I’ll take red meat and internet over world peace any day.
“Where are you?! Show yourself!” Pinkie screamed.
Applejack let go of me and we turned to face Pinkie. I rubbed my sore jaw and thought about the inevitable headache I’d have later today from all the abuse. That was when I realized it was no longer me rubbing my jaw. Once again, Dash had assumed control of her body, turning me into a passive spectator.
[Well isn’t this great. I didn’t even get to try the punch, cake, or cookies.]
You’ll be lucky if I ever let you near sweets again, Don!
“Get out here right now!” Pinkie yelled. “I can sense you! I know you’re in this room, dammit!”
[I think I really broke her this time.]
“Pinkie, calm down, sugarcu—”
“No!” Pinkie interrupted. From my vantage point within Dash, I could see her flat mane, and something else just beneath the surface. “I know he’s in here! Get out here, Don!”
[Shit, she knows my name! But—how—it. . .]
Told you not to mess with her. Things get weird when her hair flattens out.
I saw Twilight walk through the door, late to the party, and just in time to see Pinkie meltdown. “What’s going on?” she asked.
“Pinkie’s looking for the new pony,” Dash explained. “Pinkie, come here and let’s talk.”
“No! Everypony out, except the new pony! Watch the door, don’t let any new ponies out!”
All the ponies started to file out the front door. Applejack, Twilight, and Dash stood there waiting for her to calm down. I did my best to make my presence scarce in Dash’s head, as I’d just insulted one of her friends and made the other go bat-shit insane.
“Pinkie, it’s just us. No new ponies, okay?” Twilight said.
“He’s still here!” Pinkie began racing around the room, knocking tables over. “Pinkie Sense is never wrong! Come out, dammit! Why? Why do you hate me? I just want to throw you a party and be your friend!”
“Pinkie!” Dash yelled. In a burst of speed I didn’t know she was capable of, she leapt on her and pinned her to the floor. “Pinkie, it’s me! The new pony is stuck in my head.”
“Dash! This is no time for pranks,” Twilight scolded.
“Damn it, Twilight! I was trying to tell you at the library. During my date with Soarin a freaking human just popped into my head and got stuck there and I can’t get him out—or alien or whatever—but I need your help!”
“Really?” Pinkie asked. I could see her looking into our eyes with a spark of recognition. “It stopped! The twitching finally stopped!”
“Girls, seriously, this has gone far enough,” Twilight said. “I don’t know what kind of prank this is but it’s over.”
“This isn’t a prank.” Dash let Pinkie go and turned to face her and Applejack. “Something’s wrong with me and I wanted to tell you first, in private. I don’t want everypony to know I got some thing stuck in my head. What if it’s worse? What if I’m crazy, or I never get to join the Wonderbolts, or the human takes over my mind completely?”
[For what it’s worth I have no plans to take over your mind.]
“Twilight, ah think she’s tellin’ the truth. Ah know Dash, and she ain’t fibbin’,” Applejack said.
“Ugh, fine, I’ll cast a spell to see if she’s telling the truth and then you can pull whatever prank it is while my eyes are closed.” Twilight sighed in defeat and closed her eyes. Her horn began to glow purple.
Despite being a passenger in Dash’s body, I could feel the magic touching me—the human me, with fingers and toes. Somehow, amidst the purple aura surrounding Dash, Twilight had sensed me inside her for a brief moment.
[She did it!]
Twilight opened her eyes. Her pupils had dilated and gone wide in fear. I searched Dash’s mind for some explanation, but found none.
“She’s right—there’s something alien in there,” Twilight said.
“Thank you!” Dash exclaimed.
“I’ll get it out right away!”
Twilight’s horn began to glow and several interesting things happened. First all sense of sight, smell, and hearing vanished in a loud pop. Next I could feel my body being pulled through the eye of a needle, as my hooves reached out to step on a distant location. It wasn’t painful, yet I could tell I was being quite literally pulled between two distant points like a rubber band, and then released.
There was another deafening pop and the smell of sulfur. Dash shook her head and fought the urge to vomit as I watched events unfold. Twilight lit up her horn and I felt us slam against a table and metal restraints lock over our legs.
[Fuck! Who keeps restraints in a dungeon? She teleported us to a dungeon?! She’s gonna kill us! Or me! Oh god, HELP!]
“Calm down!” Dash shouted.
“I am calm. Don’t worry, Dash, I can fix this,” Twilight said.
[Shit! Come on, Dash, I’m sorry! Please, I’ll never be a smart ass again! LET ME OUT!]
I imagined myself struggling, or escaping, or somehow forcing control of her body back to myself. For all my fighting, all I accomplished was making Dash sweat. I could feel her panicking. My own emotions of fear were seeping into her, clouding her thought.
P-please, Don, y-you’re scaring me. I c-can’t think w-with you panicking, calm d-down, Twilight w-won’t hurt us!
Twilight pulled out several large metal tools and wires. I could hear something whir to life and lights flicker on, pointing directly at us. What had started as concern had quickly turned to fear, and then an overwhelming sense of impending doom. I could no longer control my emotions.
[She’s gonna cut our brain open! HELP!]
“Don’t kill me!” Dash screamed. She began to thrash wildly against the restraints, causing them to dig into her skin.
“Calm down, Dash, I won’t hurt you. But if you keep thrashing I’ll have to put you to sleep,” Twilight said. “This is routine, just like when I had Pinkie down here.”
“No! Not Pinkie too! How many did you kill? How many ponies?!” Dash yelled.
[This is just like the Saw movies! She’s gonna play a game and we’re gonna have to cut the key out of our stomach! Or maybe our eyeball!]
“No! I don’t want to play a game!” Dash shouted.
I felt some magic wash over Dash, ceasing her movement. Then there was a prick in our neck and Dash stopped moving. Within a minute, her eyelids closed, plunging us into darkness. Slowly I felt the effects of the drug on myself. I calmed down and lost focus as I drifted away to join Dash in sleep.
My last thoughts were of which benzodiazepine Twilight had used to sedate us, and how I even knew what that was.
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Twi is scary...
Loving this. "Cutie mrk crusader pyros!"
i'll give you some mustaches, here.
Wait is don going to get out of dashes body and start a relationship or will he stay find out next time on dragonb...... Wrong ending.
Yeah, there's a level of WTF that induces panic, Twi pushed him over that line.
Loving this story!! Keep it up
Another awesome chapter
Can't wait to see whats next!
oh man, twilight is losing it, poor dash and don. i hope this turns out ok for them
If anypony has thunder thighs it's Applejack. You don't do leg based farm work like that without getting ridiculously muscled quads.
eager for more
omg......this cliffhanger......now i really want the next chapter
Ooh, interesting. Silly Don cupcakes are for ponies.
damn it cliffhanger
Shit just got real...
That ending was awesome. I mean wow I could imagine Twilight doing some crazy look while revving a bone saw.
Awesome!
Can't wait for more!
Oh man this is getting good. Also, if you are a male and apprentice your life you do not call a women fat. That is the truth.
... Don likes Japanese Hentai.
Mmm... Tentacles...
START AT 2:27
Just say you never met me
I'm running underground with the moles
Digging holes
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to G-d it sounds like they're snoring
But if you're bored then you're boring
The agony and the irony, they're killing me WHOA!
I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot 'cause I'm in Hell
I'm not sick but I'm not well
And it's a sin to live this well
One, two, three, four!
* eyes roll out of head*
swagswagswagswagswagswagswa
KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GREAT AND POWERFUL GODDESS, PITIFUL TAU'RI!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/2/13/241866__safe_humanized_human_trixie_equestria+girls_artist-colon-pixelkitties_stargate_stargate+sg1.png
Was it tagged dark before? I rarely track dark stories, interesting anyhow
AND THIS IS WHY SIR ISAAC NEWTON IS THE DEADLIEST S.O.B. IN SPACE!!!
And now your number has co-- okay, I won't make this reference anymore. In this story. Maybe. No promises.
I got to do this. You can see my build in the corner of one of the shots.
i.imgur.com/7AMgzhz.jpg
Nice touch making Don afraid of what Twilight might do.
Why does that sound familiar?
…WAIT A SECOND…
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1237_Twilight_Sparkle_nope_nope_nope.gif
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8420-Abandon_Thread.GIF
partyvibe.org/forums/attachments/drugs/83497-if-your-england-get-da-choppa.jpg
more, MORE, MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy shit, he did it!
Cant stop laughing
Okay...
I'm sure Twilight's not actually going to hurt them (of course then there is that DARK tag there that I've been wondering about...), but the way she reacted to the situation did make it seem VEEEERRRYYY sketchy... I mean, she could have at least been more gentle with the restraints... or, you know, not used restraints at all.
3146871
There's an alien being inside of your best friend's mind.
You think it's dangerous.
You think you have the ability to get it out.
About as normal as you could get. Not sane, mind you, but close to normal.
You mother fucker!
You put a Cupcakes reference in here!
That's even more sick and twisted 'cause he's inside Rainbow Dash!
Manticore means man eater. Just an FYI.
3146929
Oh no, I understand freaking out a bit.
But again, and I quote:
Also, she didn't really explain what it was she was doing. She said it was like with Pinkie Pie, but that wouldn't really mean anything to them since they weren't there to see that. Doesn't help that they were panicking of course... but still...
3146970
This story is from Don's POV, unless I'm stupid, correct?
Therefore this could all just be Don overreacting and exaggerating due to not knowing what's going on.
Nevertheless, cliffhanger central.
3146980
Eeyup!
Hooray, a Stargate reference. I also think it is the best sci-fi.
That was the best laugh i've had all week
Kaiden, when I die of a laughter induced heart attack I'm making damn sure to leave it somewhere that is was one of your fics that did it.
This is just hilarious. Eventually, I'm expecting Don to pay for intentionally messing up Rainbow's life. But in the meantime, I encourage his behavior.
wow, he went paranoid there didn't he? that was pretty funny to read. I will continue to watch this and read it :3
3146068
Why? If everything turns out OK then there's no story.
3147589
cause twilight might kill don
then there is no story.
3147605
The story's called "Dash of Humanity". Say Don dies. Rainbow will still remember him and the memories he gave her. She will have a "dash of humanity" in her.
Plenty of story there, having her deal with the aftermath of a traumatic event like that.
So, again, I hope shit hits the fan as hard as possible.
I wanna take this cliffhanger, and stab it in the butt.
3147632
but i like don, hes funny
I'm watching you sleep, author!