A science victory, that’s all William van Oranje ever wanted for his fair Dutch people. But, as political relations between Japan and Equestria crumble, and several other nations are beginning to pick sides, it seems obvious that a war is coming. Pressured to pick a side of his own, William decides to take a road normally not taken and try to negotiate peace between the nations. Inviting Princess Celestia of Equestria and Oda Nobunaga of Japan to the wonderful city of Amsterdam, William firmly believes that he can personally coerce the bumbling tyrants to not declare a world war that would possibly tear the planet apart. Unfortunately, peace and tranquility are a hard to acquire gift when dealing with absolute twits.
Chapters (4)
I like it! Sweden is my favorite civ! Keep up the good work!
t.qkme.me/3pw66n.jpg
Oh, the immaturity of these rulers—so much like the rest of us players.
CC:
Minor errors, the only thing to note here is the dialogue:
'Tis correct.
Nope.
Identifiers and sentences following pieces of dialogue are rarely, if ever, capitalized. Also, the above was inconsistent.
Wow, diplomacy is dead, at least between these two leaders. And, of course, just when William thinks he's gonna steal the win, someone's gonna jump him from behind when he's out of position, or worse use nuclear missiles (missiles, not bombs; missiles are by far the more devastating weapons) on his cities.
3090348 I've been quite sure if to capitalize them or not. I've seen it both ways so I just decided to do it the way that looked the prettiest. Thanks for clearing it up though
3090344 Thanks dude!
And who knows, maybe Gustavus Adolphus might make a guest appearance...
3090414 Thankfully I've never had to deal with that warlike of nations before. Normally, I just have some nation denounce me and tell me to watch my back. Then again, I've never played a game with someone like the Aztecs or Germans. Either way, I'd hate to live in the world that William's stuck in. Well, except for Equestria being on Earth, that's freaking amazing!
3090296
Thanks dude, I'm happy to see that you're interested! 
I haven't seen another Civ 5 fic before, but I think I'm gonna go look for one. Thanks for that!
This is a list. Commas will be your friend.
Standard practice uses italics, not bold, to show emphasis.
Missing comma after "He". the "being the wise and and easily bothered ruler" bit is parenthetical information, and parenthetical information always takes commas before and after in these constructions.
You don't say
? The first problem with this is your use of parenthesis. Don't use parenthesis in narration. The information should either be excluded (in this case, I'd advise that), or included in a parenthetical construction using commas, as I mentioned above. The second problem is your decision to include this information. First off, to anyone with any experience with the game this will be obvious; anyone who doesn't know the game is going to be a bit confused as to why these people are coexisting in the first place. The decision to include this information breaks immersion completely. This reads as though this is a situation you came across while playing with mods. That's fine, but there is no reason why you need to have things play out in this fic in exactly the same manner they did in your game. Instead, you should ask yourself what the story needs. If you think the inclusion of the Papal States would serve to confuse the reader, why not change it to a Civ that wouldn't?
>Do you mean "former friends"? Though, if you do, that makes the rest of the sentence make no sense.
>Somehow I doubt Mr. van Oranje would consider them "his buddies".
A comma goes after "in" in this sentence. Names, when speaking to the person you're referring to, are always considered parenthetical and thus take the same commas I mentioned twice above.
Two errors here. The period after "Lavatories" should be a comma, and the "S" in "Spat" should be lower case.
Awkward word choice, I feel.
The "even larger and more leather" part is parenthetical information. Commas
!
Missing comma after "princess", the "D" in "Declared" should be lower case; and lastly I think the reason why she'd have trouble would have more to do with being a pony than being either "magical" or "a princess".
The exclamation mark should be a comma, as well as the period after "Oda"; the "W" in "Would" should also be lower case. It is all one sentence.
Comma should go after "Please", which should also be lower case. You seem to run into problems with parenthetical information often.
Comma missing after "leader".
At this point I'm going to stop transcribing errors I notice. If you have any questions regarding any of the grammar rules I'm citing, feel free to ask.
In any case, rough grammar aside, I did enjoy this
. I'd consider getting an editor to help, if I were you; and there are plenty of resources available. Don't stop writing
!
Outside of quite a few grammar errors, this is a great start. Poor William, having to deal with two overgrown children...
(Also, I know it's a technicality and all, but Oda Nobunaga never became shogun. He was a major daimyo [one step below shogun], did the bulk of the work unifying Japan, and probably would have become shogun had he not been assassinated. Then again, rulers in Civ V are apparently immortal gods who live and wield unchecked power for thousands of years at a time, so whatever.)
awesome story bro
Alright, you've got my interest. Immature rulers where the game rules of Civilization are actually real?
Yeah, I'm watching this.
Great story keep writing!
I like this concept. And the characters, I don't even care if Celestia seems terribly OOC.
Please have a fave, I'm going to need it to keep up.
3090745 the mods comment was obviously a joke. the papal states have god on their side.
3091865
Ahuh. It's probably just that I'm really quite tired, I had to reread it at least 5 times to get that
. In any case, you still use commas for parenthetical information. Thanks for pointing that out, don't know why I missed it
.
And then Gandhi showed up and nuked everyone.
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/civ1.png
Friggin' Gandhi...
3091444 Thanks for the support! I was trying to make her the tyrannical tyrant that she's portrayed by in several green text stories. I may have goofed in this chapter, but I'll try better next time. Thanks for commenting and faveing, your help goes a million miles and back!
3091016 I was worried someone might catch the shogun bit. I quickly read over his history to try to be at least semi-accurate and I read that he readied Japan for the three hundred year shogun rule. I needed some identifier to put him on the same level as the Princess, and the shogun seemed to be the closest thing. Either way, thanks for commenting! It goes a long way!
Also, would you say that the grammar significantly hinders the story? If so, I'll go back and edit it today.
3091029
Thank you, Communist Dash! But really, thanks for the comment, it goes a long way!
3091366
Thank you for the compliment, it really does help!
3090583
I usually play on King difficulty, and the game almost always spawns someone else next to me, and they almost always decide to betray me after being friendly for a long time. Seeing as I am more culture and diplomacy based rather than military in this game, it's a problem. With nations that are good at making money, such as Venice, you can offset that by allying with a militaristic city-state, but that costs money, money that you could be using for your cities or for building units.
Whelp...that explains how Equestria gets her ponies...
3093630 Are you implying that Sydney practices *dramatic pause* horse trafficking?
3095878...yes.
3090560
Du är väldigt snäll
3098040 din välkomna!
3093160 youre welcome and as the ponyfacation mod tells us love is communism no dout celestia follows the path of order yes?
Also, both Celestia and Oda are out of character. A Japanese person would never say anything as ridiculous as he did at the end of the chapter, and Celestia wasn't the negotiator and kind person I know she is.
3121665 They were kind of meant to be out of character. You are right, I could have gone for a historically and show accurate story, but at what cost? It would have been far more boring for me and you, to write about to rulers realistically fighting. So for the sake of just having fun, I chose the ridiculous and unbelievable.
3117904 She started with order and will probably move into autocracy some day.
3130994
Freedom, Autocracy, and Order are now separate ideologies in Brave New World rather than policy branches, so you cannot be fascist and be communist at the same time.
3131541 I have Gods and Kings
3141470
Ah. That explains it.
3273006 Thank you! Yeah, it took longer than it should have, but I'm hoping to get the next part out quicker next time.
All I can do is giggle. Well done!
That was interesting. Like others, however, I don't understand the posturing of Equestria and Japan anymore. Someone or somepony is lying here, we believe. Perhaps they wished the other nations to thrash each other, in the interest of Equestrian and Japanese expansion into weakened nations.
Anywhooves, keep up the good story!
3273079 Aw crap...you got me on that one. I was going to include an explanation of this but I guess it totally slipped my mind. You know what? I'm going to go edit that in, just so a proper explanation can be given. Thank you for pointing it out!
3273589 Just fixed it. It's an explanation I accidently left out in the final product. Hopefully it will shed a tad bit more light into the situation.
3273075 Moustached Spike? The Rosen approves.
The war wouldn't be apocalyptic. For one thing, considering William is researching Industrialization, that suggests nukes haven't been reached yet. For another, they would probably be fought by Musketmen/Riflemen and cannons at worst, with Frigates and Ironclads duking it out on the water. Borders would shift, sure, but the complete obliteration of the human and pony races wouldn't happen.
3275875
... they were bored? That's... interesting.
By the way:
Superfluous comma after "fear" - consider removing?
Also, new thought, what is Willem Van Oranje doing with electronic communications before Industrialization? Or is the game interface considered truly separate from the technology tree?
3276521 Yeah, it is completely separate from the regular tech tree. I tried to emphasize this with having Oda not being surprised when a piece of modern day technology was introduced right in front of him. In my opinion, there has to be some way the countries are able to automatically communicate with another at completely random times. Also, on your opinion of boredom in the game, has it not happened to you before? Have you ever been aiming towards a science or diplomatic victory, and suddenly get the urge to invade someone for the lulz? It might just be me, but it's happened a number of times when I'm playing.
3288600
Not really. Our route is generally to out-tech everypony and then start stomping.
Of course, this is less viable for some civs than others, and leads to as many losses as wins (since we usually play as A Random Civ).
3276031 "NOT SO FAST!"
I never said that the war would be apocalyptic, but I can see how'd it be implied (all dat fan fair!). The major concern is: a destabilized political environment between the world. We can see this in the game with someone you went to war with very early on (say Classical Age) being on bad terms for pretty much the rest of the game. In terms of the time period, I've tried my best to keep the date ambiguous, but the quick reference to industrialization and the mention of musketmen did put some holes in that attempt.
3288658
****. Sorry.
3288661 All is good, friend!
3288623 Really? I normally find a handful of rulers I'm good with an just stick with those. Granted, that makes it less likely for me to change tactics. Wow, I think'd want to try a random civ next time...
3288667
Ok, still sorry, though. I'd thought everyone assumed what I did.
3288676
While it means we're not as good with any particular leader, Random Civ does help us learn a little more about playstyle variety.
Not that we're good at learning our lesson, we still try to force tech as cultural or warmongering nations...
3288680 I wouldn't be surprised if other people did. I've really built the thing up through the past two chapters, adding whatever drama I can. It feels necessary, makes things more interesting I guess.