The beacon of life is fading, but it is only the natural cycle of all the things in this world, and it's unforgiving touch that afflicts us all. Twilight Sparkle has lived the past seven decades as a witness to life's wonders; her friends and family graced by her existence. But now, sitting at the bank of life's river, Twilight is left with only memories, memories that push the soul past the shells of morality, past the barriers of time and space. What is the end, can only set a new beginning, and with the grand finale of life, a moment recalls a serenity of hope back to the aged pony.
(A somber tale I felt I should express myself through an urge to commit to a work of my own talents.)
Chapters (1)
I do love critique, so swing away!
Something so emotional such as this completely defies my past character, so forgive me if I do not meet your standards.
I read that with my epic Alec Baldwin voice in my head. Lol
Pretty nice sweet and short fic you got here. Though it gets kinda cheesy at the end, no offense. I just can't imagine Celestia flat out bawling, not that she's not capable of doing so. She just seems a little more composed is all. And I'm not sure I agree with your decision to add a little music to read to. (though that doesn't really matter anyway) I just personally didn't find raindrop prelude the right track to go with it. I still liked the fic though!
Hi Distrance!
This is a very well written story. Your use of language is good, and you have a great vocabulary. I enjoy your more literary style of writing! I could vividly see what was going on in the story. Now I'm not a grammar expert (ask anybody that proofreads my stuff XP), but I didn't see any errors in your story.
The only place I had a problem was that as I read the story (with the nice music you provided
) is that I didn't feel the emotional pull that I was expecting to feel. I think the reason why is because when I read this story, I didn't "feel" that Twilight was in the story. As I read, I felt like I was given a very good view of what was going on at the surface, but I didn't get to "see inside" and feel the emotion that the characters felt. The really sad parts didn't feel as strong because of it. It felt like you were doing more "telling" than "showing" in your story.
This was a nice read and certainly worth a thumbs up. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I just want to help a really good writer become better.
If you would like more specific help please let me know!
Its..... its... Beautiful.
Some mistakes:
The light, it grows brighter and brighter with each day, within each moment it's gentle warmth graced the entirety of her body.
it's--> it is, it has.
its --> possessive form of "it".
It reminded her of her old friend, Fluttershy, who's own life she had watch deteriorate from the tragedy of Alzheimer's.
--> whose
Merely, the rest of time she spent in the tranquility of Ponyville, to which it's constant reminder of a once careless and fun-loving past stood to this day.
--> its
I like that Celestia carries a locket to remind her of Twi
im not really sure what to think, i liked it, i really did.. but it's all a little bittersweet.
Bleh..
Well done! you earned another Watcher atleast
This story reminded me immediately of one I did... or at least the beginning of mine. I guess sometimes I just don't know when to quit.
Check it: The Last Parade
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Similar minds breed similar tales
250048>>250034>>250021
I appreciate all the feedback I've gotten from this sad little story I had written upon whim. I've gone back and fixed some of the said errors, and I understand your complaints and queries.
All of this only helps me grow as a writer and only through trial and error can I get better.
Thanks!
Aw man...
As much as I hate Mane 6 death stories, this one was just pure beauty...great job.
I...I gotta go get some tissues now...
Mmm.
I see.
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Mmmm Indeed...
This fan-fiction is older than Father Time itself, and is kind of embarrassing imo considering how well I've improved.
That...was beautiful. Favorited!