• Published 5th Aug 2013
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The Legend of the Titans - Silent Bob



In the depths of the Everfree Forest, an artifact older than life itself activates, bringing forth five, resting heroes of old. Though they don't remember much, they still remember who they are. The question is, however, are they still needed?

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Chapter I: Born from Black

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CHAAAINNNNG – CLACK! CHAAAIIINNNNG – CLACK…

CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA….

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Twenty Years Later - The War on Chaos

Two Thousand Years Before the Coming of Nightmare Moon

Far Beneath Canterlot…

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CHAAAINNNNG – CLACK! CHAAAIIINNNNG – CLACK…

CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA-CHIKA….

TING-TOCK-TOCK-TOCK-TOCK-TOCK-TOCK-TOCK…

The sounds of gears and machinery filled a massive stone room, echoing off its walls and into the ears of its sole occupant. The mask-clad figure stood at one of its walls, busy scraping a series of complex mathematical equations into it with a single, steel-clad hoof. After a moment, he stopped, before relaxing his chest slightly.

His ear was perked upward following the sound of echoing hoofsteps. However, he soon dismissed it, before continuing with his work, even when the origin of the noise moved right behind him.

He was a stallion Earth Pony wearing an old set of golden armor. Essentially, a normal looking, though archaic soldier. However, he had two distinct features: his strange, black eyes which seemed to consist of smoke, rising up out of their holes, and his casual, though slightly... off voice.

He chuckled. "You know, Slade, I know you like pulling the whole mysterious badass act, but if someone wanted to, they could have-"

Slade quickly shook his head. "I can recognize your hoofsteps easily, Captain Black. I knew it was you."

"Even with all the noise?" he asked.

He shrugged. "It's essentially music to my ears at this point."

"Oh-?" he smirked. "Alright, then tell me this: what if I wanted to? Are you sure you can trust me enough to keep your back turned on me?"

...

"Hmmm?"

Slade narrowed his eyes. "A scorpion may sting a turtle, even if it dooms itself in the process," he sighed. "But will it sting another scorpion without proper... motivation?"

"You're sure about that?" he grinned. "What about a scorpion without a soul?"

"I've explained this to you before," Slade said calmly. "You do have a soul. It's just been... redirected a bit."

"You know what I mean."

Slade gave a groan. "Then I'd invite you to try, if I weren't a little busy at the moment..."

At that, Captain Black gave an annoyed grunt, before moving next to the masked assassin.

"What are you busy with, anyway?" he asked.

"Busy work," Slade muttered dismissively. "Do you have something to discuss with me?"

The demon-like pony shut his eyes, sighing deeply.

...

"Bad news?"

Captain Black took a deep breath. "Yeah- plan's gone bad."

Slade froze at this, narrowing his eyes in thought, before shrugging. "So it did. How?"

"Take a guess," Black chuckled. "Who's been leading the war effort against Discord for such a long time?"

Slade paused for a moment, his mind plunging briefly back to the past.

"EEEP! THOU ART MAD!"

"LET US HIE, THEN!"

Slade actually chuckled yet again. "It always comes full circle," he said in a bemused tone.

"You're not even angry?" Captain Black said, more sarcastically than anything. "And here I thought you'd actually show some emotion for once!"

"..."

Captain Black rolled his eyes. "You knew this would happen, didn't you?"

"Yes: it was apparent that the Black Orb didn't have the same effect on Discord as it did for you after the first year or so..."

"Probably missing the catalyst," Captain Black shrugged. "I had just got done dealing with ole Clover the Clever's little tumble at the time. Doesn't mean much to me now, though."

"Exactly," Slade nodded. "Discord was vicious in a few ways, oh yes, but his antics were still too... what's that word- trollish? - to tip the balance as far as we wanted." He gave a grunt. "The artifact fluctuated slightly, however, and I gained a slight bit more insight into its functions. I've actually begun to detect a pattern..."

"What kind of pattern?"

Slade gestured towards his calculations. "There seems to be regular events that... pique its interest - every thousand years or so."

"Are you serious?" Black asked, raising his eyebrows. "Oh wait - stupid question. The only time I've ever seen you crack a joke, even gallows humor, is when you're talking about your future plans or whatever."

"..."

"Ah."

"One thousand years from now, Captain Harness..."

"You could just call me, Black, you know..." he grunted.

Slade chuckled. "Doesn't have the same ring to it."

Black's eyes widened as he grinned in anticipation. "Now I know you're onto something good..."

"Indeed," Slade nodded. "Every thousand years - I don't know why - but every thousand, there is always something that goes horribly wrong in these lands. It's quite punctual, really. For instance: one thousand years ago there was a terrible winter. Equestria actually came to be because of it. A thousand years before: a dragon horde ravaged the land. However, one thousand years from now, there is going to be a another cataclysmic event. I don't know what, but I know it will rock the foundations of Equestria, and a force of good will switch sides."

Black shrugged. "Sweet. I'll bring the chairs. I guess it'll be enough to activate the artifact?"

"Possibly... possibly..." Slade mused. "But I want more than that... it will have to wait another millennium."

Black raised an eyebrow. "You really put the long in long term, you know that? What the hell are we supposed to do until then: play chess?"

"I have a few ideas," Slade shrugged. "You don't have to be a part of them, if you don't want. But I could use you..."

"Huh? For what?" Black asked.

Slade raised his hoof. "The first part of my plan involves waiting for the second great coming of cataclysms, or series of them, I believe. We will... assist with this endeavor. This should be enough to activate the artifact for a substantial period of time. However - I'm not sure it will be enough to accomplish what I want."

"And that is...?"

Slade narrowed his eyes. "I need you to spread something for me. All over Equestria, all over time... all legends have a beginning, and in this world: this one will begin with you. It shall be their beacon."

Black narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about? Who's beacon?"

Slade gave another, sinister chuckle. "Let me tell you a story, Captain Harness."

Black gazed at him in shock, before letting loose a sinister cackle. "Oooooh hell yes. This... really is going to be good, isn't it? I'm all ears."

"Good," Slade nodded, before slowly sitting down. "Listen closely, Captain Black. You'll need to hear every detail...

Our story starts a long, long time ago. It is about five heroes who stood up against the face of evil... and who will one day do so again. Do you understand what I'm saying? It is a tale of past and future. A legend that will ring for two millennium."

He smiled behind the mask, a strange twinkle in his eyes.

"This... is the Legend of the Titans."


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1900 BCNM...

The Lair of Slade

Slade sat on a stone throne, not bothering to face his accomplice who stood behind it, gazing into the darkness of the former's lair.

"One hundred years, Captain Harness," he said calmly. "Eight-hundred seventy-six thousand hours. A lifetime to the fortunate, but only infancy for our kind. In fact, it's two lifetimes for me. So - how does it 'feel'? Is it a gift or a curse? Are you... 'bored', yet?"

Captain Harness stood stoically. "Somewhat - but the longer I live, the shorter the days are... maybe in a thousand years they'll be what a second is to me now..."

"Not if you keep yourself... occupied," Slade said smoothly. "How goes your battle against the traveler?

"Annoyingly," Black mumbled. "He won't give me a year to breath anymore... I have a feeling he's trying to reawaken something in me... but unless he's looking for a good time, if ya know what I mean - I can't give him anything."

"Still tenacious with that libido of yours, hmmm?"

Black nodded. "It keeps me sane - but it's losing its touch..."

"That is why, as I've told you, you need to focus on your little conflict. Embrace it."

Black scoffed safely. "Not everypony's a genius, Slade. It's not often fun to go up against a - and I hate to admit it - a smarter mind."

"Perhaps," Slade mused, in a bored tone. "But don't forget the favor I've asked of you..."

Black nodded. "Working on it..."

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He gave a longing sigh. "Working on it..."

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1750 BCNM

'The Iron Gullet'

Canterlot...

"And so the Titans had scored their first real victory against the Man with the Metal Mask," Black said dramatically in front of a group of enthusiastic, fellow soldiers, his eyes looking normal for now. "To them, it was no longer a test. It was genuine! He had them all in the palm of his hands -" he coughed slightly. "Er, hooves... yet they had managed to claw their way out. The power of friendship had seized the day! And maybe... even the power of love."

He gave a wink to his audience.

"Hehehe," a bat-pony giggled, slurring out her words. "Starfire and Robin are soooo cute together! It's the best part of these stories of yours, Blacky!"

"Pfffft - Beast Boy and Raven all the way," another said, sticking her tongue out.

"What?!" another cried. "They don't even have any chemistry! Polar opposites don't always work, you know. She'd probably want to slit his throat the first week in bed with him! Cyborg would be a better fit!"

"Hehe, maybe literally, right?"

As the trio got into a heated argument, the only male bat-pony at the table rolled his eyes. "Friggin' shippers..." He then glanced at Captain Harness. "So, what happened next, Captain?"

He cleared his throat. "Well, Slade went underground a bit after that... quite literally. For his next target was a bit more... down to Earth, you could say?"

1400 BCNM

The Crystal Caverns

A Half a Kilometer Below Canterlot

Captain Black and a suited pony glared daggers at one another in a ring of crystals and rock.

"Let me tell you a little story, traveler, or should I call you: the Doctor!" he snarled, surging towards him in the form of a smokey cloud. "Not everyone who switches sides gets a chance for redemption!"

The Doctor gasped, ducked the smokey pony projectile, and whipped out his sonic screwdriver. "Just listen to what I'm saying to you! You were once a noble warrior, I know this! The Black Orb... it's corrupted your mind - you can be-"

Captain Black giggled as he appeared behind him. "Hehehe... don't lie to me - why don't you just enjoy my company for once?! We could just keep it to cuddling!"

At that, Black smirked, darted forward, and swung horizontally with a smokey hoof in the form of blade.

The Doctor gasped, ducking it. "Don't try to change the subject!"

"Oh - that's right," Black chuckled, now circling around him. "Well, since we're back on said subject: have you ever heard of a little girl called Terra?"

The Doctor's eyes widened. "How do you-?"

Black grinned. "Oh, Doctor. I'm surprised you know yourself: though I suppose it makes sense. Still: I know quite a few things you'll never believe! HOOOOHAHAHA!.!.!"

He galloped forth, and the two battled long into the eventide.

1150 BCNM

Office of Special Operations

Canterlot

Captain Harness, now with a new outfit, a new look, but the same attitude, conversed with a fellow officer.

"... So she was saved?"

"That she was," Captain Harness smiled. "In a way, that is... She was killed, of course, stuck as stone: just like Discord. But she had saved the city."

"Amazing," the officer blinked. "You have a knack for writing fantasy, you know."

"It's not fantasy, beautiful," Captain Black grinned. "It's just something that happened a long, long time ago..."

"Yuh-huh," she said, rolling her eyes. "You don't need to go and try that gimmick to keep ponies hooked, Black. It's good enough on its own. And hey! You never said what happened to the Man with the Metal Mask..."

"Oh, he was dead," Captain Black shrugged. "Boiled alive in a pool of lava."

The mare winced. "Ouch - that sucks," she pouted. "He was a pretty good villain..."

Black raised his eyebrows, slowly smirking.

"I didn't say he was dead for good, you know."

The mare blinked. "Huh?"

900 BCNM

The Royal Throne Room

Canterlot

"Of course I know who you are," Princess Celestia muttered, her voice bitter and distraught. "I've been watching you for months! However, the scary thing is that you seemed to have been infiltrating my military for eons!"

Captain Black raised an eyebrow. "So, you figured it out, huh?"

"You might have well have just worn a different mustache every hundred years," she spat. "And you probably should have been twirling it... You're far too corrupted not to be."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Black grunted. "And what happened to the whole 'thou' and 'thy' thing?"

"It left with my sister!" she hissed. "She was the one who always insisted it was to continue to be used. I don't want those painful memories anymore..."

"What are you so angry at me for, though?! I'm not the one who made her have a dark magic fetish!"

Celestia narrowed her eyes, before flapping her wings, and hovering towards him with venom in her eyes. "You're either a fool or have a card in your mane to be speaking with such disrespect towards her!" Her look of menace became a wicked glare. "We'll find out soon, however..."

Black gave a groan. "Is this how you treat your military officers? As punching bags?! Immortal or not, I don't deserve this kind of-"

"Do you think I care about that?" Celestia growled. "No, Captain Black - I know more than just of that. I know what you did... you've claimed countless lives: you were the reason Discord acted so vile! Why we had to lock him in stone! And you even managed to kill the Doctor!" She gave a growl. "Yet worst of all... I know who you work for..."

His eyes widened. "W-What?"

"The Man with the Metal Mask. He who came back from the dead in what I believe to be a universe before this one. One who almost helped almost end their world... And one does not belong here."

Captain Black's eyes widened. He began to turn about, ready to flee-

"HALT!"

- Only for Celestia to surge forward, capturing Captain Black in a ball of fluctuating, yellow energy.

"Where is he?!" she snapped.

"Let me go! I'm not working for him!"

"Yet you tell a lot of stories about him," Celestia grunted. "And his foes, these... Titans. Curious though: you mention a prophecy that he's supposed to be beaten by them in the future? I want you to tell me how you know this! Who made this prophecy? How?!"

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"Hm?!"

Black gritted his teeth, before a smirk slowly slithered on his face. "You're smarter than I took you for, Princess. Though still, you're immortal. How about you wait and find out?"

"I have ways of making you talk, you know," Celestia snarled.

"And you'll use them?" Black said, cocking his head in curiosity. "Give me a break. Your soul is pure. You wouldn't harm a killer unless he was stabbing someone. And thanks to your little bubble, that opportunity isn't available for me at the moment..." He grinned wickedly. "But it could be... if you let me go. For mine is a little less... white. Always has been. Always will be. Just like the Masked Man... Hehehe... HAHAHAHA.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!.!.!.!.!"

Celestia gritted her teeth, before shouting towards one of her guards:

"You!"

"Ma'm?!"

"Prepare to take this mongrel to the dungeons!" she growled. "Captain Black Harness: you don't deserve your rank nor did you ever. Perhaps you were once a noble warrior, but the Black Orb has permanently corrupted you. From now on, you are stripped of your title and your former life. May you dwell peacefully on what you've done." She tilted her head. "Take him away!"

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290 BCNM

The Lair of Slade

Deep Beneath Canterlot

"So... Captain Black is really gone," Slade mused, bringing a hoof to his chin.

A new accomplice, a yellow mare wearing a metal outfit, and with the strange, shadow-like eyes of Captain Black nodded. "He appears to have escaped the Canterlot dungeons, but his current whereabouts are unknown. It's like he just... disappeared."

"A pity," Slade said, stone cold as usual.. "Despite his promiscuous attitude, he was decent company..." He then gave a deep sigh. "And unfortunately, he had something you don't, my dear..."

She nodded, an annoyed look in her eyes. "How long will I have to rest?"

"Not too long..." Slade said, before walking over to his throne of stone. He flicked a small switch on its side, and soon after, a viewscreen flickered on before him. Upon it was the image of a ball of swirling lights: the artifact. "Its beginning to show the signs it did before... Then my fun in this strange new land will really begin."

The figure smirked. "And mine as well."

"And when they come," Slade continued, as a thousand red, glowing eyes flickered to life in the shadows of his lair. "I will once again be two steps ahead of them."

Author's Note:

Aye, I know this chapter is a bit disjointed, but I had a hell of a time thinking how I was going to do the whole time skip thing. Hope it turned out decently. Captain Black Harness, if those haven't realized, is a Captain Jack Harkness expy. Same character, much different backstory pretty much. Obviously stated, since he's kind of evil for a long bit. He's not a main character in this, but I plan on writing another story after this one (or during) involving his history. But for now, he's going to be a pretty mysterious character who pops up from time to time. It's just sort of a tradition of mine to include him in most, if not all my stories, even if it's just a cameo or mention.

Look for the next chapter in one or two days. Hopefully, it'll be easier to write once the Titans join the fun.