Starting a Blaze

by Shadowbot739

Lungs, Who Needs em?

Cold. I woke up to a cold jail cell. The entire cell is made of stone, with a metal door leading out of the cell, but it is locked. The only other thing in my cell is a wooden bed. Since I had slept on stone before, I decided to set the bed on fire to keep myself warm. Focusing on a weak fireball, I failed to hear the door from behind me opening until I already sent the fire on its way.

Turning around, I saw another of those horse things. Unlike the other two I seen, this one is actually the right size. Its coat is pure white with a multicolored mane that seemed to blow in some wind that doesn’t exist. While the mane is scientifically impossible, well until you consider magic. I had to admit it was downright stupid to have a mane or any hair that long. After throwing my thought into the ‘burn later file’ I saw that the horse have wings and a horn. Oh and did I mention it seemed to be mad?

The horse thing spewed out a line of gibberish, clearly trying to communicate with me. I glanced at my belt for my translator, but it and my black hole bag is missing. Letting out a sigh I walk closer to the white horse.

“Without the translator I will never understand you. I’ll just assume you’re talking about how great you are and why I need to die” I deadpan.

The white horse gave a confused look when I gave my guess and walked out of the room. Since the door wasn’t shut, I followed it out of the cell. I had nothing better to do.

Beyond the cell is a stone hallway lined with doors similar to the cell I was just in. At one end there is a spiral stairway going up with two horses with horns in gold armor. The other end has a table with my black hole bag and translator device on it. The white horse is sitting near the table looking at me.

Deciding that it wouldn’t do me any good to blast the guards and run. I took the 4th best option. I walk to the table, picked up my device and then activated it.

“Now that I got my translator back, I can ask the one question that been stuck in my head. Where in the nether did you demons come from, and why am I in one piece?”

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Now thinking back to that, I remembered Qira saying something about them not being demons or something. I thought he was lying. All magical and metal constructs tend to either run from me or destroy themselves after a week with me. Although I didn’t quite know that at the time, it would explain why that old water elemental ran off into the Molten Core.
Now shut up, I rather not talk to myself. Why you think I keep you around? What is that? Ya think that talking to what is basically a corpse means I am crazy? Na, that doesn’t mean I’m crazy, it only means that my listener doesn’t run off.
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“We are not demons creature” The white horse said in a voice that would make a grown orc cringe

“Well I never seen a horse with wings, and the ones with horns are a special breed. Either this is some sort of fel magic, some sort of insane illusion of an old god, or... I suppose I could be dreaming” I list off.

“First of all, we are called Ponies. I can assure you this has nothing to do with any dark magic, unless you used some to get here”

“Old god illusion then”

“I do not even know what an old god is”

“In that case, I need to punch the bar keeper when I wake up”

The white… pony? Gave a large sigh and spoke in a calmer tone “can you just accept that this isn’t a dream?”

“This gotta be a drunken dream. There is no way I normally would dream about anything that involve bad negotiation or general negotiation in most cases”
The pony just sighed and muttered something about this conversation going backwards and then raised its(her?) voice a little “either you accept that this isn’t a dream so we can discuss your actions, or you’re going back into that cell”
“Prove that this isn’t a dream” I challenge.

“Gladly” the white pony lifted a hoof and slapped me in the face, sending me to the ground. Not that it was far away anyway.

“What was that suppose to prove?” I spoke while getting back to my feet.

“Pain doesn’t feel like that in dreams” the pony said with a smirk on its (her?) face.

“Blah. Alright I’m listening” I continued to rub my cheek.

“Good” The white pony’s face became neutral, “I am Princess Celestia, co ruler of Equestria and you are?”

“Uhh… wouldn’t that be a queen?”

“It is just how it is done here. Now please state your name”

“Fine.” If she is going to state some title I suppose I should. “I am Korrxx the Insane.” From the look of that face I think I should have went with flame keeper.

“Korrxx” Celestia said as if saying the name is bad luck, “do you understand why you are here?”

“Uhh… did I burn down another park?”

“Try again”

“My ex came from the grave to backstab me again?”

“No. Wait, what you mean again-”

“Demons?”

“There are no demons involved”

“Well I’m out of ideas. Unless, I’m going to be forced into slavery… for the 3rd time”

“We do not enslave anypony here or in your case, anyone. You injured one of my citizens, intentionally.”

“Whoa, whoa” I said while holding my hands up defensively. “Isn’t clear that you all made me think of demons?”

“I don’t see how you would draw that connection, but I can’t let you go for that. I’m going to assign a guard to you since you’ll never learn if you stay in the dungeons”

“So let me get this straight. You’re going to let me walk free, but only with some uptight guard following me around all day?”

“Yes”

“Great this will already be better than Qira. Well, that welding beam is going to be missed, and that 8 language translator. His nagging will not be missed, ‘take it slow, that’s highly explosive’ or ‘don’t poke the acid’” I ended with a mock of Qira’s voice.

“If your referring to the construct, it is in its own cell. Though it went dormant a few hours before you woke”

I would have said something if I didn’t notice that the hallway is starting to get really stuffy. Turning around I see smoke pouring out of the cell that I was in. As any sensible Goblin would do, I ran towards the fire and looked in. The bed is completely in flames and billowing smoke in all directions. I considered closing the door, but that is too easy. So I decided to throw frost lances into the fire.

It took over 70 lances to get that fire out, exhausting my mana. So I found myself on the ground breathing heavily. Seeing Celestia’s head appearing on the corner of my vision, I could only let out a grunt.

“I am starting to see why you are called ‘the Insane’. You first start a fire, left the fire alone and after that made it very difficult on yourself on an action that could have been simple” Celestia pointed out.

“Tired. Sleep. I sleep now.” I sputter out.

“I’m going to get a guard for you now. Don’t go anywhere”

Author's Note:

Comments

[Quarx Rylzma]

Lol. He starts a fire, then he puts it out. Sounds like Pinkie Pie.

[Shadowbot739]

3277998 Well he is insane. I mean who talks to a corpse and justifies it as not being crazy? Or is an undead? Who knows? Not even I do.

[Quarx Rylzma]

I'm an alien paladin and I don't judge undead at all. I just show them the light.