Rarity tries to save the lives of her friends so she goes back in time to a critical event and changes the outcome. Returning to the present she finds she has succeeded too well and has erased the ponies and the relationships that she held most dear to her. In addition, there is another version of her native to this new timeline. Unable to return to her own, how will Rarity deal with a world she willingly, but unknowingly, created?
Special thanks to Chimpso for editing this pile of grammar waste into something presentable.
Chapters (2)
You should seriously consider continuing this story. It's a great premise and has potential especially with two Raritys.
I vote that you continue it. You have an interesting hook, and there are a lot of places that it can go from here...
For example: Can Cloak-Rarity continue to exist in this alternate time, or will she eventually fade away? Is Twilight a Princess in this "present day" timeline? Can she reconcile with Rainbow Dash?
She could even murder Cadance at this point if she convinced herself that Cadance is supposed to be dead. I know I wouldn't trust cloak-rarity even though she did save the world.
You have about 50 different ways you could continue this story.
I think the premise alone is great. Usually it's a character from the core timeline traveling to the alternate. Here we have the reverse and she gave up everything to save everyone else.
There is a lot of potential here.
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Thank you all for all your kind words, encouragement and ideas. I'm seriously considering continuing the story now.
Thanks for taking the time to read!
No problemo, nice to see its doing well.
Nice work. This is an ambitious story with lots of good ideas. The opening seemed a bit strange - not clear what bits are 'alternative'... why is Rarity playing a time travelling adventurer?... but once it was all explained, I was hooked.
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Thanks! i was going for the "confused" presentation in the opening, i wanted the reader to wonder what the heck was going on at first before realizing the Rarity we're following is not the Rarity we know. Glad to see it came across the way i intended.
Very ambitious, I'd love to incorporate some of its plotline into my tale
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If you link in this story in the summary for where you got the elements then sure! by all means incorporate some of the plotline
Well she will need papers and a new social security number, probably Princess Celestia or maybe Sweetie Belle first.
I got TWO elder sisters now?!
Well Jewel will just have to RE-introduce herself and of course, who said she can't use the element of Generosity herself. But reslly, she'll need to fix papers and say she's Rarity from another timeline
Keep writing, this is a good idea and it is pretty well executed.
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I'm definitely planning to get back to this. Lot's of stuff in my life is getting in the way like school, but this story is always on my mind. I hope to get something out eventually.
Did this die?