- Member Since 6th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 7th, 2014
Shadow Eclipse
Originally an editor for a friend of mine and he eventually convinced me to start writing. (Overwhelming Light)
Shadow Eclipse
Joined 6th Dec, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First!
Clopfic, self insert, and an 11-2 like/dislike ratio? Impossible!!!
....*click*
12-2...Continue
Hmmm... Good, very good. I shall await more.
I'm honestly not very sure what to make of this. A blatant self-insert I can live with and overall it's written decently but the second chapter is basically a giant wtf moment for me.
Not trying to be a hater but truly senseless plot devices such as this just come off as very bad to me. Overall your writing is good, and as a first attempt at any kind of story (let alone clop) it isn't terrible. My advice would be to give a bit more thought to the direction you want the story to go in first. Yes Twilight Sparkle is a fictional being but her personality and character has been established. Her actions were way too out of character for me.
Again, not trying to be a dick. Just offering an opinion. I can't upvote it myself but i don't feel it deserves a downvote either.
Terrible...
Thank you everyone for the comments and feedback so far. I will continue to work on this and will be using all of the feedback I've received thus far.
it is an over used topic 2nd person +sex with mane six but the way the intro was written made it seem more interesting, now I haven't read this yet, but I might soon so I have nothing more to say for now
~Dread The Darkness
"tries to keep it a secret from his best friend, Kel."
I like it.
awesome
At first I was like: Ahhh. Self-insert. Then I was like: Yep. That was worth it.