Rainbow Dash gets mad at her own mistakes and takes it out on Fluttershy. After apologizing she realizes the extent of damage she caused. She promises to never hurt her again. They soon discover their feelings for each other.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I laughed so hard several times this chapter. First at pinkie's humour and the reaction it got and then pretty much all the way though the pegasus wings part. Poor Scoots...
It kinda sucked that Dash flipped Fluttershy off so harshly and I look forward to seeing the trip into town. It will be 'interesting'... I can't complain about it though, you did a good job with it and I found everypony to be engaging and believable the whole time.
I have no problem with the mature stuff as long as its kept to just Flutterdash. Oh and you set up for any such later scenes between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash well because of what Twilight said about Pegasi...
Keep up the good job
At first I was like
And then I was like
And then I was like
"they're"
This chapter should've been called:
The Dirty Picnic
Willing to bet 5k bits and some amps that it's sweetie bell
“Ha! Raspberries. A Fluttershy’s greatest weakness.”
It's super effective!
(They got wrists, right?) Well, they kinda do and kinda don't. I personally would just replace wrist with hoof. It reads better and means pretty much the same thing, and you don't have to have an immersion breaking parenthesis there.
Overall, I feel like the characterization is great, and I really like the way this is going. But, this needs a proofreader ASAP. The problems aren't even big flow breaks, or choppy sentences or any of the usual problems. You're just missing the simple stuff, like there, their and they're, to and too, and some of the other homophones. Also, something that should really be fixed soon, thoughts being italicized. Usually, if a character has internal monologue, their thoughts are in italics. (As I'm sure you know already.) Having them be in quotations with a thought tag afterwards is very confusing, and it reads poorly. This story could really shine if these problems were fixed, and I feel like there is so much wasted potential here.
Anyways though, I'm enjoying it so far. I'm glad that you made this feel like an organic relationship, and didn't rush it at all.
UGH!!!! WITH FREAKING and happening every five seconds I'm like,"JUST FK ALREADY!"
Easily the best fiction I've ever read 87/87's given... Am I doing this right, buck, just cut that all out that was horribl-
Wait this is still unfinished and there are what 27 of these with over 10,000 some words in each story?!?! Holy T NO THIS IS THE BEST FIC EVER