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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss
Twilight has been diagnosed with a terminal disease and now has only one month left to live. After spending her entire life reading and learning Twilight decides to embark on a journey to grasp the beauty of the world.
Join Twilight in her final journey through Equestria.
I want to give credit and special Thanks to my awesome editor Jgame.
Cover art made by BlueRoseFriendship.
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Sir, you have many errors in this story, fix them.
2906991 You mean grammar errors?
@Zelos797...
1. You have a solid Sad story premise, but are heavily brought down by glaring technical errors.
2. Right off the bat, you have glaring spelling, typing, and grammar errors in your Title (Journey, not Journy) and your story Description, that alone loses you readers. This is compounded by the many, many spelling & typo errors in the story itself. You definitively need to find an editor &/or proofreader(s).
3. When a character thinks to herself, it is not in "quotations" as if speaking, but italics.
4. You need a spacing break for journal entries, or use a [.quote] section to separate from the story text.
for example, with some corrections...
These were the last words that Twilight has heard from her friends before departing from Ponyville. Strangely it was not a goodbye and not something touching or maybe even special. But for Twilight every word of her friends was special. She came to appreciate her friends more than ever before.
Twilight's Journal Day 2 Entry 2:
I never thought of how beautiful and peaceful these meadows can be. I bet Spike could see me from the library using the telescope. Today when I was on a High Hill I turned to Ponyville and waved my hoof in the direction of library for five minutes. It might have been dull and no one has probably saw it but it just makes me feel warm inside knowing that probably right there was my dear friend Spike watching and waving too and maybe even my other friends joined him too.
OR...
.
5. The quotations at the end of each are a good idea, just be careful in their use, careless/sloppy use of quotations can either confuse the readers or kill their interest.
6. I have to Down-vote you on the technicals, but if you manage to overhaul and fix things up, that may or may not change.
2907005 Hi. I really want to thank you for spending some time telling me your opinion. I really appreciate your words and they helped me greately. I want to thank you for stopping and not just disliking but telling me what exactly is wrong.
I honestly was too eager to poblish the story and had problems with my WORD so i decided not to edit this two chapters. It was silly of me. I have done some editing and followed your advices. I would REALLY REALLY aprecciate if you could read it again and tell me your opinion once more.
Thank you kindly, Zelos797
Okay..I don't know how to express how I feel about the story..
2912752 I am quite new to this so even if you didn't like anything I would like to know exactly what...please
Thank you kindly.
Hello everyone.....I have made some SERIOUS editing. I apologise for having so much grammar errors in the past. Please enjoy the story.
Thank you kindly
2912022 Here's a tip: if there's a squiggly red line under the word, right click it, and there should be a list of words in the pop-up menu. Pick the one that looks like the word you're trying to use. It'll definitely cut down on spelling errors, and even a few grammatical mistakes.
Of course, that only works if your computer language is in English.
2927817 Thanks for the tips but my computer's native language is not English.
2927823 Ah. Then it would probably be best if you got an editor. There are several groups here that are good for that, if you don't already have one.
2927829 Well I don't have an editor but I use sites that show you your grammar errors and fix them myself. Could you please tell me how exactly can I find an editor and how does it work. And also, do I have a lot of grammar errors? Did you like the story itself?
Sorry for so many questions
2927835 Haven't read much of the story yet. The idea is really good though, so I'm adding it to my Read Later. Right now I'm working on one of my stories, where a disease comes out of nowhere and destroys Equestria.
2927856 That sounds really awesome if done right
Thank you kindly
2927861 Heh, thanks. It's based off of my disease in Plague Inc. I'm shooting to make the story as realistic as possible, while being interesting at the same time. Don't know how I'm doing so far. I'm gonna have to re-read it in the mornin, after I get some sleep. It's 2:30 A.M. in Arizona.
2927868 Have a nice sleep
2927898 I'm used to going to bed at 5 a.m., so I'll probably be insomniac for a bit.
Hey, insomnia! That's a good symptom to use in the story...
whoa, i feel like i will end up crying if i continue reading it.
i will anyway, it would be to much of a waste to stop.
it seem you forgot the "r"
ok, here are some errors i spotted:
did you meant "quite"?
idem?
this one is all but sure (not being english and all), but the time used doen't feel right, maybe "fell" would be better?
this sentence (and the next two) doesn't seem to make sense. after, maybe i'm jsut stupid, but it has no logical link
though i said all this, i love your work so far
i found no errors in this one, you did a good job
and like always, good chapter
i really like the story, though i can't help but be worried for the end, did you already tough it? not done right, it could destroy the story
2930205 Hello dear Kork
. I am very grateful to you for finding my grammar errors. I want to let you know that I have corrected them. The last part which you didn't understand was just a bunch of leftovers from my editing
, but I have rewritten it. About the end.......I have a few ideas but I think it is a little too early to talk about the ending
. Also love your avatar.
Thank you kindly
The quotes hit me harder then the actual story if only cause they match so well.
2951185 Thank you very much
Just an question?
Since when is Trixie almost as powerful as Twilight?
The only reason she won the duel was because of the alicorn amulet, ignoring that, there is no indication that she is even an powerful unicorn(just one that is good at magic used for shows), hell when the Ursa Minor attacked, the magic spells that she used against it were nowhere as impressive as the ones that Twilight did.
I know in the story, it was to show Twilight doing an good action but it seems more an case of "I am dying, so i am going to replace myself with an more powerful version of myself that can far surpass me to make others wonder why i am the element of magic when there are LITERALLY unicorns with more potential than me just walking around on the streets"
3010538 That is a good question. First of all it is marked as an alternate universe
. And of course second. Yeah I think it may have been a little forced, so I rewrote this sentince to make it more realistic . Feel free to reread please
.
Thank you kindly for making my story better.
3010547
Sorry if i seemed rude but it just bugged me, anyway it is much better although i think Trixie still had to study to learn those spells, and she had to practice them in order to use them whenever she wanted and then had to practice using various spells in an sequence in order to perform the show(i just assume it is harder because most unicorns do not seem to do many spells one after another, or if they do it is the same spell like levitation or finding gems spell, so i assume it is hard to perform an spell and then immediately change into another spell) so i would say that she still praticed and perfected her magic more than Twilight realizes, still if Twilight says she has potential to far surpass the element of magic herself, who am i to argue.
3010578 You did not come off as rude. You came off concerned. And I really appreciate that when you don't like something in the story you say it. Others just read it, hate it, dislike it and leave.
It is always great to know how other people see your story
I reccomend that you read over Ezn's guide to grammer. It's slightly dull, but it should be required reading for this site. Link: http://eznguide.rogerdodger.me/
As for the story itself, it has potential just after reading the first two chapters. I enjoy the Doctor Seuss quotes, and how Twilight tries to hide her illness from her friends as she gives them a subtle goodbye. This could be an excellent sad fic with a proof reader and an editor to help make the dialogue go slightly smoother. If you want, PM me and I can try to be your proof reader/editor if you feel that you need help.
as beautiful as ever
i think you forgot to erase something when you posted the story
3433239 Oh! thank you ever so kindly
. Erased it.
isn't that quote supposed to be master Ooogway's?
beautiful as always. I'm curious how she will save a foal with her body in this state and nopony to help
your killing me here man
4367433 Well thank you. It actually been a WHILE since I was writing something seriously but i recently thought of actually continuing this story.
4367537 plz do i will admit this story got to me and that is a hard thing to do
Wow beautiful story hit me right in the feels. I don't know if you'll end up reading this but please do an updated chapter with a happy ending of twilight saving the foal and at least having a chance to say goodbye to her friends and family before she passes
10067721
Hehe, I wrote this thing years ago and kinda forgot about it all. But your comment did put me in a mood to cook up a quick epilogue. Thanks for reading, have a good day.
Why isn't there a tragedy and death tag?
What about tee foal twilight tried to save why are you so cruel you wait so long to update this heart renching story and then you end it like this
10249052
Cuz death is no tragedy, yo. It comes to all of us.