He is basically the best guy there ever was and he must face the everyday philistines of Ponyville.
Chapters (2)
RoboCom64 Zelos
Joined 18th Jul, 2013 ·
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Tries to be comedy. Keyword is "tries". It didn't even get a chuckle out of me.
8331700 It's more of a cringe type of a thing, than an outright attempt at making a person laugh out loud.
Tf
I see potential here, but there is such a distinct lack of effort that it kind of spoils any real attempts at comedy. What this story needs more than anything else is effort. It also needs to be a bit less showy. It almost feels like it's a satire of itself. It kind of just slams you over the head with what it's trying to do and then continues hammering you with the overall joke for the entire chapter. As a result, it's not very funny, nor is it enjoyable to read.
I'm sure you could improve this if you put some effort into it. It is a genuinely interesting premise I'd love to see fleshed out.
8331822
Now that right there is something I just can't stand about critiques. Your criticism loses it's credibility once you start playing the "effort card". You have not a clue of whether or not the author did they're best/worst with their work. Claiming that they didn't at all is shameful, because there is a chance perhaps the author really did commit a lot to this piece of literature. For shame, TooShyGuy. For shame.
8332263
Fair enough. I'll try to refrain from using that word in the future.