The Kitsune who's having a blast every minute of his day.
Diamond Tiara has lived most of her life without a mother and with one friend. How do you keep going when all you have is lies and a mask not knowing if dad has left you enough bits for you to buy dinner or if he will even be home before you are asleep?
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This earns 15 fluttershys and a pinkie pie
I really liked it!
So, *sniff sniff* lovely! I nearly cried ( ok maybe just a tear or two)! Please write more!!
Wow.
On a technical note, Apple Bloom's name is two words, and Silver Spoon is spelled without an s at the end.
2859507
thanks for letting me know by the way.
I've always had some trouble with that kind of stuff
Poor Diamond, she doesn't get enough love.
Well that was a nice read.
Except,
You've already been notified on the Silver Spoon thing, so i'll skip that.
But, Daddy's. 'Daddies' make it sound like she has more than one o.o xD
choose
Excuse my pickiness. But this was a nice story either way :3
I liked it, I really, really, did, except it really needs some heavy editing. Way too many grammar errors.
Also, I had a really hard time feeling the emotion between Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara in the final scene. Perhaps you could have added a little more realistic dialog?
2874037>>2874396
Wow.... I really need to work on my English skills and editing. Thank you both for the advice though and I will fix up any more mistakes I can find.
2875163
It's alright, we all need help with something, eh?
Just head on over to the Editor's group, get yourself one of more and you're golden
Sometimes even the best overlook things xD
1. I like the idea that behind Tiara never really having a parent around, so she acts out and bullies. It brings in a bit of motivation that we don't see in the show and is very interesting to think about more.
1. You bring up the fact the Tiara is home alone and this is meant to make the reader feel sorry for her, but after establishing this, you immidently make her into a bully again with no really remorse for her actions, and this made me not really feel sorry for her anymore. You try to keep the mood by showing Tiara confused about Sweetie Belle's generosity but this only ends up getting her even more mad for no reason and her character doesn't change.
1. I didn't really feel sorry for Tiara until the CMC refused to play with her and she really started to talk about her problems with herself.
2. I would've expected Sweetie Belle to have come down and help Tiara instead of Applebloom.
It took a little bit for me to get into the intended mood of the chapter but when I did, I really felt it. The unchanging character with the thoughts in Sugarcube Corner really messed up with you were going for in my opinion and this is what really hurt this chapter. What a character needs is a good DTA (Dialog, Thought, Action) that matches with everything about them or else the character fails to really impress the reader. I hope you continue with it because I can see this having a lot good things about it later on.
I will give this chapter a 8.5/10 for good conflict but also a poor DTA for Tiara, the main protagonist.
2958722
Thanks for the review.
2958777 No Problem
This is about as depressing as I thought it would be. Lyra gives you a hooves up.
So Tiara's mother left her? You treat her better than I do. DT doesn't get enough love, and I felt how empty her home is. Don't know if you were trying to do that or not, but good work.
I love stories like these. Have a like and a fav.
I loved the story! To bad there isn't more to it