It's not often that you die.
Dustin and his friends were out celebrating Dustin's birthday when an accident cuts the celebration short. Instead of the cold embrace of Death, Dustin feels the warm embrace of a pony. He wakes up to find himself in Ponyville with the body of a pony, and his friends missing. Twilight thinks there's a reason Dustin is here, but all He can worry about is finding his friends.
Dustin will have to not only rediscover himself, but also learn a lot of new things about himself. The ponies who were kind enough to help them are not without troubles either. Can Dustin single-hoofedly straighten not only his life out, but others as well?
Of course not, that's what friends are for.
(This obviously took some inspiration from 'One Way' a fic that I haven't gotten around to reading yet, but I'm sure is great.)
This is pretty good. Though Fluttershy's little squee seemed a little inappropriate.
9263 Thanks, I usually do pour a lot of detail in my writing. I suppose I must of gotten lazy with the first chapter though, so I'll be sure to include a lot more juicy detail for you
9273 Did it? I suppose I didn't really think about it. I'll try to be more in character when I write.
Also, I'd really appreciate having a pre-reader. If anyone is up to the task just let me know.
i crave more detail. Keep at it
HEY!
That's my name!
That being said, I guess the story is kinda interesting, although I must admit, the idea has been done before. Dying and going to Equestria as though Equestria were heaven. I haven't read much of the other story, but it's something about being some numbered pony after one guy dies in a train crash... Also, his friends don't cross over either...
Hmmm...
Anyway, not sure how many other similarities carry over.
That being said, I guess I agree, this story could use some more detail. Actually, it could use a LOT more. Going into detail about emotion and atmosphere and surroundings is the only way that we can really get a feel for what's happening and what's going on. As it is it feels rushed and emotionless. I didn't feel sorry for the guy when he realized his friends were gone. I was saying to myself "wow this is moving quick..." Also, realize that your character... he doesn't act very human. I would think after DYING he'd act a little more shaken. Or is he shaken? I can't really tell since his emotions aren't conveyed very well. Also, I'd think he's be a little more broken up about his friends' deaths. He seems to brush it off pretty quickly.
All that said, the concept is still interesting and I guess I'd like to see where this goes, but a fair bit could be expanded upon or looked over.
9545
After re-reading it, I do realize I lacked a lot of detail. I'll do a re-write of chapter one this weekend.
9769 You'll do nothing, you're dead