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Part of the, Black Sun Ponyverse.
Luna and Octavia are busier than ever with the Grand Galloping Gala fast approaching.
Both of them have a long night ahead of them, and if all goes well should meet the next morning for breakfast. As per their normal routine. But with this being the first Gala for both of them, things may not turn out the way they planned.
A stuck up unicorn, and a hyperactive pink pony may complicate things even further.
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Title reminds me of Phantom of the Opera.
I shall read this fic after watching that movie several hundred times!
Luna... AND Octavia?
I hate to do this, but I have to read later as opposed to now. Sadface.
Stuff to write and people to talk to and whatnot.
Have a star
Vadram I loved this story and I want to thank you for adding it to my group if you have any other stories I would love to have them added.
Nice story, I liked it!
It's a downvote from me. I don't recall any specific errors, but the whole thing was just a non-event in my eyes.
I suppose it would be more specific to say that there's no story here. It's the definition of slice-of-life at its most basic: some stuff that happens in ponies lives. Further, the entire first chapter being a rehash of the Gala felt like huge waste of time, compounded by the fact that it seems to have no relevance to the second chapter at all. I can't find anything to care about here.
Dud.
-Scott
2790559
I'm sorry to say it, but I must concur with my colleague's statements.
Even so, I must encourage you not to let this bother you. Your writing in and of itself isn't bad at all (though I'd recommend a proofreader), and with some proper attention to plot you might be able to turn flops like this around.
As a slice-of-life, the story worked okay. As a romance, not so much. The message I got from it was "Look, it's the Grand Galloping Gala from a slightly different perspective! Oh-and-by-the-way-Luna-and-Octavia-are-together."
From this alone, I wouldn't vote it up or down. However, dialogue was a little flat, and there were quite a few misspellings, along with capitalization and punctuation errors, so I'm going to have to give it a downvote. I would recommend finding a proofreader. I also suggest in the future try to stay focused on the story you're trying to tell. Since this was entered into a romance competition, I have to assume you were aiming for romance, but only about a quarter of the story had anything to do with romance, and there was no development of the relationship whatsoever. They were just explaining what happened. A better story may have been rather than telling the story of them telling the story of how they met, perhaps you could have told that story yourself.
Also, be careful of past/present tense. Your first sentence led me to believe that it was a present tense story, then you switched to past tense.
cute idea but it feels very incomplete and the grammar is off in spots. You bring up this party for Fancy Pants and imply Blueblood wants to get in her pants and then completely drop it to focus on her relationship with Luna, which is also confusing because we're given very little explanation on why Octavia was there to begin with or why her story touched Luna more than anyone elses. Still a good fic and a thumbs up here.
"...their extinguished, and most of the time excentric guessed." I think your auto-correct was on crack. Otherwise, this story is starting off very well.