The Adventures Of The CMC

Adventure, Random. The Cutie Mark Crusaders Do Things To Earn Their Cutie Marks, Suggested By The Fans.

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Comments ( 15 )

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Metool Bard

Metool Bard #1 · Jun 21st, 2013 · 1 · ·

Ah, another CMC choose-your-own-adventure story. Could be fun.

But, before I recommend anything for the CMC to do, I have some quibbles to bring up.

First and foremost, slow down! You move from one scene to another without developing, well, anything! Take some time to set the stage.

Also, while this isn't a wall of text, your formatting needs some work. A separate speaker means a separate paragraph. For example, this:

"Y'know, ah don't think we're gettin' any progress here." Apple Bloom said, as they finally stopped to catch their breaths. "Yeah, I have to agree with Apple Bloom. This isn't getting us anywhere." Scootaloo added. "Then what do we do?" asked a bewildered Sweetie Belle.

Should be this:

"Y'know what, *pant* girls? Ah don't think we're *gasp* makin' any progress here." Apple Bloom said as they finally stopped to catch their breaths.
"Yeah, I have to *huff* go with Apple Bloom *puff* on this one." Scootaloo concurred. "This isn't *pant* getting us anywhere."
"So *pant* what now, girls?" inquired Sweetie Belle.

You'll notice that I added some extra details to this section. That's because there's another problem with this. Show, Don't Tell. Don't just tell us the Crusaders were out of breath. Show us them actually being out of breath.

I'll be back with my suggestion later. Right now, I think these problems should be addressed.

Ice Fire

Ice Fire #2 · Jun 21st, 2013 · · ·

How about...

The Cutie Mark NINJAS!

MUAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

ElderBrony

ElderBrony #3 · Jun 21st, 2013 · · ·

2757406 Thanks!

Rubix Cube

Rubix Cube #4 · Jun 23rd, 2013 · · ·

CMC Arsonists?

ElderBrony

ElderBrony #5 · Jun 24th, 2013 · · ·

2763328 Heh heh

LikeaBaws

LikeaBaws #6 · Jun 24th, 2013 · · ·

CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MYTHBUSTERS!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Icudeadnow

Icudeadnow #7 · Jun 26th, 2013 · · ·

I can tell this is gonna' be good.
Already is.

ElderBrony

ElderBrony #8 · Jun 26th, 2013 · · ·

2781175 Thanks! I'll finish the second chapter tomorrow! In the mean time, do you know how to post links on your page? I'm new after all.

Icudeadnow

Icudeadnow #9 · Jun 27th, 2013 · · ·

2781183 On top, above the text, you will see symbols. Hover your mouse over the one that shows thw word "Link". Then copy the URL into the corresponding window box that appears. The second window box that appears is to name your link. I hope this helped!

Comment posted by ElderBrony deleted Jun 27th, 2013

ElderBrony

ElderBrony #11 · Jun 27th, 2013 · · ·

2782936 I was actually talking about posting link boxes in your profile and I already knew what you said, but thank you for replying and doing your best to help me out!