Chapter 1: Cutie Mark ShipFic Writers, YAY! (Jakeman160) PART 1
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were all out crusading for their Cutie Marks.
At the moment, they were trying to get their marks in hoof racing. Thus, they were moving quickly down the streets of Ponyville, while many citizens barely dodged them.
"Y'know, *pant* ah don't think we're gettin' any *pant* progress here." Apple Bloom said, as they finally stopped to catch their breaths. "Yeah, I have to agree with Apple Bloom.*pant* This isn't getting us *pant* anywhere." Scootaloo added. "Then *pant* what do we do?" asked a bewildered Sweetie Belle.
"Ah dunno. Maybe we can try writing a story?" Apple Bloom asked. "No way! That's, like, SO boring and uncool!" Exclaimed Scootaloo. "What if it had Rainbow Dash in it?" asked Sweetie Belle. "Hmm... maybe." Scootaloo replied. "Well okay then! Let's all head back to the clubhouse and start writing!" Apple Bloom said.
-After Reaching The Clubhouse-
"Okay, what will Rainbow do in the story?" asked an eager Scootaloo. "I was thinking we could make it like one of those Romance stories Rarity likes to read. We would make more bits if we sold it to adult ponies." Sweetie Belle said.
The crusaders all went to a shelf and grabbed some pencils and paper. As they sat the supplies down, they all thought of who Rainbow Dash would be best in a relationship with. "Who should we make Rainbow Dash fall in love with?" asked Scootaloo, as she thought hard.
The crusaders all collectively thought for a while, and finally Sweetie Belle came up with an idea. "How about we make her and a pony we make ourselves fall in love! He could be named Blaze or something!" She said. "No, cuz' Rainbow Dash likes mares, remember?" Scootaloo said. "Yeah, we need to come up with our own mare and ship them." Apple Bloom.
"What in Tartarus does "ship" mean?" asked Scootaloo. "Ah dunno, it just popped in mah head." Apple Bloom answered. And so, the crusaders once again proceded to brainstorm for their story. Just as they were about to give up, Sweetie Belle got the perfect idea.
"How about we make her love a mare named Starlight Speed, who loves flying at night. And for her Cutie Mark, she'll have speed lines under a cresent moon and stars!" Sweetie Belle excitedly said. "Hey, ah think that's pretty good! Great work, Sweetie Belle!" Apple Bloom complemented. "Yeah, let's start now!"
After that, the crusaders spent the rest of they day working on their story, right up until Luna's moon was clear and evident in the sky. "Okay, girls! I'll see ya'll tomorrow when we present our story to Twilight so she can get somepony to publish it for us!" Apple Bloom said. "Okay, see ya then!" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle answered in unison. All 3 fillies went home, sure they were going to get their Cutie Marks the very next day.
-The Next Day-
The Cutie Mark Crusaders once again met at their clubhouse, ready for presenting their story to Twilight. "Are ya'll ready?" Apple Bloom asked in excitement. "Heck yeah!" Scootaloo answered happily. The 3 young ponies then began the walk to Twilight's library, where they would find out if there story was good, or terrible.
----Here Is The Story The Crusaders Wrote:---- (Note: They are all bad writers, so their story is made bad on purpose!)------
Starlight Speed was walking down the Ponyville road to get groceries when she bumped into another pegasus pony. it was the extremely hot and cool Rainbow Dash! She blushed and stared into Rainbow's gorgeous eyes. They were brilliant Magenta, and were very deep and prettyish. To be frank, Rainbow was Hot. REALLY hot. Starlight Speed was starting to get a nosebleed at Rainbow's stunning Beauty when Rainbow Dash suddenly kissed her for, like, no reason. Her heart exploded in bloody butter-things. Then they got married the end.
By Apple Blomm,Sweaty beel, and Scootlooat. WRITR PONYS!
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-Back To The Crusaders:-
When they arrived at Twilight's library, Twilight was shocked to see they 3 fillies, to say the least. "What are you doing here, girls? PLEASE tell me you're not going to build another book fort, are you?" Twilight asked in worry. "Not this time, Twilight! Though that does sound like a good idea..." Scootaloo chuckled. "... Anyway, we actually wanted you to read this story we wrote! We're trying to earn writing Cutie Marks today!"
"Okay, then! Glad to see you're engaging in such nice activities these days, girls! May I see the story?" Twilight said. "Sure! No prob, Twilight!" said Apple Bloom as Twilight was given the paper that contained the crusader's story.
Twilight quickly read the story, a look of discust spreading across her face. The 3 younger ponies saw this and exchanged nervous glances. "Girls, may I ask the following: 1) What the hay? 2) Why are you writing such a thing at your age! 3) This is terrible anyway! How could you make so many mistakes!?" Twilight shouted.
The crusaders turned and ran out the door, tears of immense sadness in their eyes. They ran the way they came, and continued until they got to the infamous Everfree Forest. Once again alone, Twilight called out, "Girls, wait! I wasn't done talking, and I can help you!" But it was too late, as the crusaders had already left, and were far away from the library.
Me: Ooooh... Cliffhanger! Comment, Review And Enjoy! And Don't Forget To Look Forward To The Next Chapter Of The Adventures Of The CMC!
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Ah, another CMC choose-your-own-adventure story. Could be fun.
But, before I recommend anything for the CMC to do, I have some quibbles to bring up.
First and foremost, slow down! You move from one scene to another without developing, well, anything! Take some time to set the stage.
Also, while this isn't a wall of text, your formatting needs some work. A separate speaker means a separate paragraph. For example, this:
Should be this:
You'll notice that I added some extra details to this section. That's because there's another problem with this. Show, Don't Tell. Don't just tell us the Crusaders were out of breath. Show us them actually being out of breath.
I'll be back with my suggestion later. Right now, I think these problems should be addressed.
How about...
The Cutie Mark NINJAS!
MUAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
2757406 Thanks!
CMC Arsonists?
2763328 Heh heh
CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MYTHBUSTERS!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAY
I can tell this is gonna' be good.
Already is.
2781175 Thanks! I'll finish the second chapter tomorrow! In the mean time, do you know how to post links on your page? I'm new after all.
2781183 On top, above the text, you will see symbols. Hover your mouse over the one that shows thw word "Link". Then copy the URL into the corresponding window box that appears. The second window box that appears is to name your link. I hope this helped!
2782936 I was actually talking about posting link boxes in your profile and I already knew what you said, but thank you for replying and doing your best to help me out!
2783054 It works either way really. It should have a link button.
Cutie Mark Crusaders Scuba Divers! Yay!
2792292 Nice one, I might try that! I'll update again after I'm done with the Epilogue of my other story, Spike's Mares.
2792321
Mm 'k.