• Member Since 31st May, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 26th, 2017

BCCgb


Born and live in Bangkok, Thailand. Still studying.

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U-650 was on her eighth patrol in the North Atlantic when she is caught in a storm hunting an allied supply convoy. When the sub surfaces it is no longer in the North Atlantic but in a sea off the coast of Equestria.

This story was originally written by Lockheed. He had cancelled the project and passed it to me, so I will put this on hiatus until I could rewrite the whole thing.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 34 )

This reminds me of Das Boot and U-571. Ah the memories of those two great movies.

Speaking of which...

2837444
I hadn't watched U-571 in over a year and while I was watching it I had the idea for this. I hope that this goes over better then my last story because I have others planed that will intertwine with this one. A story within a story within a story sort of thing.

I'm a little disappointed the captain would surrender his men like that, and wouldn't they have someone on the ship watching all this happen? Still willing to give it a read as time goes on but i'm having trouble believing it.

Few things, first and foremost; the pacing is way too fast. You're not even 2k words in and they're being arrested by the Royal Guard. Just way too fast.

Second; you should start a new paragraph every time a different person starts speaking. When the Captain and Twilight were speaking the POV switched between them multiple times all in the same paragraph. It should be more like this:

"Who and what are you?" Twilight asked.

"I am Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise" Kirk replied calmly.

Very simple and not really great example, but you should get the point: start a new paragraph whenever someone else starts speaking.

Third; why are they being arrested? They have done absolutely nothing wrong, the Germans should be protesting the arresting and bringing that up. Another basic example:

"On what grounds? We have done nothing wrong!" The German Captain protested.

And finally; you went a little overboard with the accent. First, being that they're speaking German to other people speaking German there shouldn't even be an accent in writing. Second, I'm going to guess the ponies are speaking German because you made it seem like all the crew could understand them, not just the Captain, who would be likely to know English.


With that said; the plot is an interesting idea and the spelling and grammar is acceptable. But you really need to slow this down, like a lot. You can't really get in depth with anything and it seems highly implausible that both parties would act the way they did. (Again their reactions are hard to grasp in full because you're just going Way. Too. Fast.)

The number of people with an interest in German WW2 fighting vehicles AND ponies never ceases to amaze me.

2837520
Pacing is something that I never have been good at. My English teacher said similar things about the story's I had to write in her class but I plan on explaining the speaking situation in the next chapter. I'm not the best writer but they go slightly better in my head when I think of them. I just have trouble putting what is exactly in my head into writing so bear with me here. No promises about if it will get better but I'm hoping my writing will improve as the story goes on then I'll go back and edit these chapters.

2837580 I know that feeling, I've had it plenty of time with my stories; I know how to play it out in my head, but not what words to use to play it out on paper. I'll type something then re-read it over ten times tweaking it until I find it acceptable. Been working good for me so far.

Practice makes perfect they say, so in theory you should get better the father you go on. Good luck.

The pacing is way too fast, and the German sailors would not be acting like that.

Anyway, I'll track this to see where it goes.

Ok, on the matter of being arrested, it's hard to tell.

The Germans do seem to know they have better weapons and could resist arrest, but maybe they don't want to fight immediately, maybe the captain is being smart here. I know this is WW2 and in WW2 fics Germans are usually die-hard devotees, but during the war the Kriegsmarine was the least enthusiastic about Nazism of all the branches.

I'll see where it goes.

Well....that was interesting to say the least. I take it the Bismarck has been sunk by this point and brought to Equestria?

Dunno why, but I might go ahead and see where this goes

Why did you make the Germans surrender so easily? I just can't picture it happening, and Celestia has no right to imprison sailors from another nation whatsoever. :ajbemused:

The Geneva Convention was made in 1949, there should be no way your captain Hochstetter could know what it was unless he somehow when when to the future and then came back.:facehoof:

3043094
He is referring to the Geneva Convention on the relative treatment of Prisoners of War that was adopted in 1929. It was later revised and replaced during the 1949 conference.

O come on!!! That close to a battleship? They could have dived before they had time to point there guns!!! :facehoof: then they could have put a torpedo in its hull!!! :twilightangry2:

interestin...i am going to continue reading. :twilightsmile:

3043151 this chapter is not shitty at all..but you need a new name for the story :S

Maybe germans in equus? i dont really know you just need a new name :rainbowwild:

:rainbowlaugh: Hogan's Heroes references! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

3218172
Nice to know someone finally noticed those.

THATS where i have read this before

4756153 I am currently rewriting this at the moment. The whole plot will be rewritten because too many flaws are in the spotlight.

This is in honor of the angry German Napoleon named Major Hochstetter.

Also I would like to point out that the Kriegsmarine wouldn't surrender (disregard the final year of WWII)

5035475 Do you know that I took over this story from other author? I have yet to release any rewritten chapter. In other word, I haven't do anything to this fic, except from taking it over from Lockheed.

Dead Account, when Bissy was hit by the swordfish torp. in the first wave, the torp. belts managed to absorb the shock. A lucky hit only jammed the rudders.

Slow it the fuck down man, add some details (time, date, location, or just simple facts) and give the characters a sense of reasoning (I very much doubt that people will be as calm as this) and this will turn out to be a good, if not amazing story. The plot is there and all you need to do is fill in the details.:twilightsmile:

5775027 Wow wow YOU slow down. As I have stated: this story is under major rewrite. Since I've inherited it from the original author who had cancelled the story. What you've read is untouched by me.

5780650 I understand why your rewriting this story.:ajsleepy:

Can’t wait to see where this goes

10 years... This story will go down in history forever.

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