• Published 1st Jul 2013
  • 2,404 Views, 36 Comments

Why - OfTheIronwilled



Seeing as Lightning Dust is now a reckless, self-centered pony who throws caution to the wind, Rarity wants to ask her what happened -- where the time went and why she changed. But she won't. Because Rarity knows what happened. Life happened.

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Didn't I?

Why(Didn't I?)

Lightning Dust sat in the corner of the playground around her, looking out at all of the other ponies as they played. Leaning down and resting her head against the dusty ground below her, she didn't see a pair of white hooves come near her until their bearer's magic was putting a scarf around her neck.

"Hello," she said as Lighting looked up to see her. "I just thought you looked a little cold... and maybe a little lonely.

Lightning didn't say anything.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Rarity. And you?"

Lightning didn't say anything.

"Ah... well, I guess it was good seeing you. And... for what it's worth, I'm sorry for what... happened. It must be hard."

"Ah, don't sweat it. My name's Lightning by the way."

***


***

Rarity smiled, out of happiness or just practiced hospitality she wasn't sure anymore. It was true that she liked to be as calm as absolutely possible under stressful situations such as these, as a lady knew that she was only a lady if she could keep her composure, but this was just too much for her to handle. There were several dress orders piling up, practically smothering her at this point of the day, and while she should have put up the "closed for business" sign hours ago, and shouldn't have been answering the door in the first place in order to work and not risk her sanity anymore, she found herself doing it. And with a smile on her face. She couldn't understand what compelled her to do it.

Maybe it was because because she recognized the way the pony on the other side knocked, or maybe because the voice that belonged to that pony should've been listened to years before. She wasn't sure.

The only thing that she was sure of, was that Lightning Dust was now flittering around in her doorway, smiling at her, a hoof held out for a bump. And really, even though she was sure of that fact, she didn't exactly understand it.

"Hey, Rare. I figured you'd be here -- thought I'd drop by if you were. How's it been hangin'? You know, other than the whole Academy thing."

She didn't understand anything, to be honest. Except for why she was then stepping aside and letting Lightning Dust into her home. That made sense. She had a reason for that.

***


***

Lightning "Dusty" Dust buzzed her tiny wings as hard as she could. Her eyes brightened as she lifted into the air slightly before her wings popped and ached, and she was sent crashing back into the tall grass, her face red and sweaty. She stayed there for a few seconds, puffing and panting, before her expression turned into a determined frown and she forced herself back up, pounding a hoof to the ground.

She had to get this right.

Lightning winced as she lifted her wings again, like she had for the last hour or so, and screwed her face up in pain as she started to flap them weakly. They were stiff, barely moving up and down no matter how much she tried; even when she started to lift up from the ground, they were still mechanical and odd-looking, like they belonged on a robot pony. Still, Lightning kept pushing, getting higher and higher up in the air, biting her bottom lip as she went.

She wasn't crying, though. Dusty never cried; she couldn't give everypony in town that satisfaction. Just because she was born on the ground didn't mean that she was a ground pegasus, and she intended to show Ponyville her stuff.

... After she learned to fly, of course.

Lightning's wings cramped up, but she still flapped them; she was actually hovering! Now just to move a bit forward...

She hadn't even lifted up a hoof before her wings locked up in their place and her body was being bounced up from the ground. Again. Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries...

She looked to the ground, putting a green hoof to her aching wings while her face stretched to a frown. For what felt like days on end, she had been doing this: hovering, trying to move, failing. Hovering, trying to move, failing. Over and over again. Many times she had gotten close, bobbing in the air with a grin before earning herself another bruise, but she never quite got it right. Every time, she ended up with her flank on the ground, frowning to herself. It was becoming a routine, really.

Only, this time, she smiled while her wings stung, and decided it was time to put her latest idea into action. Lightning looked back up to the edge of the Everfree Forest around her, scanning her eyes over the tree line until she saw a nearby one which looked like it had somewhat sturdy branches. She had seen the local birds; if this wasn't working, she would just have to go up to maximum and trust her natural instincts to kick in at the right moment.

Dusty arched her back, stiffly pulling herself up from the ground and brushing the dirt off of her forelegs. Trotting over to the tree, she put a hoof to the bark, buzzing her wings a little and pushing herself up to the lowest branch. Once she was on, Lightning kept climbing, one hoof after another, until she was as close to the top of the thing as she could manage, looking down to the ground which suddenly looked much farther away.

Her smile got bigger despite how much her wings hurt, and she opened them up while she balanced her way to the end of the branch. Looking away from the grassy ground she was about to be headed towards, and instead to the clouds in the sky, she took a deep breath...

And walked off.

At first, it was beautiful. She was floating through the sky, feeling free, the taste of sky on her tongue. She could even see the birds' nests littered around in all of the trees nearby. In fact, it wasn't until she had fell about halfway that she started to get scared; her wings were flapping, but she wasn't slowing down in the slightest. Everything slowed as the ground zoomed towards her, Dusty no longer remembering why she had walked off in the first place; all she knew now was that she was plummeting from a tall tree, the drop getting shorter and shorter, nothing she was doing working, nopony around to help her... she was going to get hurt badly, or land on her neck and die...

Her hooves shot out, flapping around wildly like her wings were at her sides. She let out a scream and clenched her eyes shut, her body doing flips in the air not of her own accord. Dusty couldn't tell which way she was falling anymore. Dusty couldn't tell where up was. She was scared. Somepony had to catch her. Anypony had to catch her.

She had to catch herself.

Lightning's front hooves skimmed the tree behind her, the sensation a tingle through her spine and forelegs. In return, Lightning gasped, her face turning up into a smile. Dusty flipped over as quickly as she could, flapping her stubby wings and shoving her body forcefully upwards and forwards as much as possible. This had to work. Had to. Nopony went near Everfree; if this didn't work, she would die. She would die, and die alone. This had to work.

Her hooves snapped backwards against the wood. There was a resounding, tiny 'thud' as the kick sent her a couple of feet ahead...

And then a few more...

... and then, suddenly... she was in the air, soaring off of the ground, a trail of lightning blazing behind her. And she had a smirk on her face.

***

Dusty smiled, her chest puffed out and her head tilted back haughtily as she trotted towards a small group of pegasus colts, all of them half-way through a game of knock-out. Only four ponies still buzzed around in line, most notably being Hoops, a stubby pegasus with basketballs as a Cutie Mark. Always Hoops. Hoops always won.

Lightning stepped forward when nopony was looking, snatching an airball between her hooves before the colt could get it back, and doing the same as Hoops' ball fell through the net above, effectively stopping their game; she couldn't hope to get a word in otherwise, as Hoops didn't have time for ground pegasi.

Unless, of course, it was a ground pegasus who got in his way and had earned their daily insults.

Hoops zoomed forward, his hooves clopping on the ground with a loud thud as he shoved his snout against Lightning's. She stared back at his icy glare, knowing she had a cocky, smug little smile on her face, and knowing that she deserved to wear it. Ground pegasus? Not anymore.

"What's wrong, Lightning Dirt," he cackled, the group of colts around him drawing closer and starting to form a tight circle. "Don't you know that only real pegasi are allowed to play with us?"

There was a resounding, echoing laugh from all sides. Dusty just shoved it off, still feeling the smirk tugging at her lips.

"Yep," she answered, pushing her snout forward and shoving Hoops slightly away in the process. "Wanna see what I got?"

Hoops pulled back from her touch, an eyebrow raised and his expression planted into a very confused, almost disgusted one. "What, you? I bet you can't even float, Lightning Dirt!"

At that, the smug little smile on Lightning's face finally exploded into a cocky laugh. She buzzed her wings as fast as possible, despite how much they ached and how tired her limbs were from climbing the tree earlier that day. Her hooves lifted from the ground, Dusty watching as Hoops' face turned from confusion to surprise before she looked to the sky. The clouds seemed to lower from their places in the blue above, and the wind picked up from under her wings while she slowly got higher and higher in the air. Once she thought she was high enough, and had decided that to prove herself, she had to do much more, she lifted her back hooves, pushing against the air and shooting forward, flying a straight line before stopping to(unknown to her), clumsily turn around. After doing this same thing a few times above the group of pegasi, not once looking down, she planted down in the very spot she had started in. Dusty was proud of herself.

Lightning looked around, but mainly at Hoops. For a second, everything was in stunned silence, nopony saying a word while Hoops slowly raised another eyebrow to match the first.

And then his lower lip quivered, and everypony in the tight circle burst out laughing.

"Y-You call that flying, Lightning Dirt?" Hoops gasped through laughs. "You can barely move in a straight line! I guess you are a ground pegasus, after all!"

Lightning's mouth and eyes popped open, her jaw nearly touching the ground and her ears flattening against her cheeks. She flew! She flew! What was the problem?!
Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries...
"Yeah," she heard a pegasus shout somewhere in the tiny crowd. "Any pegasus could do that!"

"What?" another pegasus shot back. "Any dead pegasus could do that. I bet she can't even stand on a cloud!"

Hoops didn't even push her down or offer anymore insults, too busy rolling around wildly on the ground. Lightning scowled at them, not that they were looking or particularly cared, pounding a frustrated hoof. Pushing out her chest as much as possible, she was fully prepared to prove to them that she could and give them a full show of her abilities, or even pummel Hoops into a bloody pulp. Anything to make him stop laughing. But she would never get the chance.

"C-Come on," Hoops stuttered, still chuckling. "Let's leave the ground pegasus where she belongs."

"How dare you!" Rarity hissed, her eyes staring menacingly into Hoops'. "Just because she was born some place other than you does not, and I mean does not mean that she has any less potential. Where exactly were you born, anyway?"

"Only Cloudsdale," Hoops answered. "Home of the Wonderbolts. Not that you would know, growing up in this little poor town."

"Oh?" Rarity said, feigning surprise and planting venom into her voice. She stomped a hoof. "Then I suppose you would know that Dusty's father was also a Wonderbolt?"

"What dad? Oh, yeah, he used to be. Forgot Lightning Dirt's dad isn't around anymore."

And then they all flew away.

***


***

Rarity also understood why, as soon as Lightning Dust had made her way through her boutique and had sat at her table before a glass of white wine, Rarity stared unwaveringly into her eyes, and fought off the urge to cry. It was such a long time ago, that memory, and yet it still pained her whenever she thought about it, and Rarity suspected that it hurt Lightning Dust as well.

Which was why, instead of going straight for the problem at hoof, she decided to beat around the bush, just a tiny bit, and fix the problem Lightning Dust was currently having. Rarity could easily see the way she slammed the drink set in front of her, her eyes showing a bit of disgust or dissatisfaction. It practically radiated off of her posture. It was expected, a bit, and this Rarity also understood why. This was an act of a bad hostess, and like giving Rainbow Dash juice instead of cider. It wasn't right.

"Would you like something a bit... harder, darling?" she asked, knowing full well what answer was to come.

Lightning Dust raised both eyebrows, a sly grin slipping onto her face. "Harder? Honestly Rare, I didn't peg you the type to keep hard liquor sitting around."

"You do realize, dear, that I am friends with not only Rainbow Dash, but a party animal as well? I need to be prepared for when the salt doesn't cut it."

Rarity allowed the thoughts of Lightning Dust to disappear from her mind as she then stood from her place at the table, once again, for not the first time just this very month, trotted to the back, to where Pinkie's stash was hidden. It worried her a bit, knowing that Pinkie often kept these things, but she knew fully well that her word stash actually meant her stash, and was meant only for the biggest of occasions. Maybe Pinkie would be angry for breaking into it, or for not wanting to explain why, which was understandable, but to her, this was a big occasion. This would be the only chance she got.

When Rarity got back to her table and began to fill Lightning Dust's glass with Pinkie's finest, she wasn't exactly surprised to see that her guest was gone. Not gone, though, as much Rarity could see her tail poking from another room, Lightning Dust looking into an unlocked box of gems.

"You still messing around with gems, Rare? ... Oh, you remember that one time Berry Punch or whatever was betting you couldn't find gems, so you did, right in front of her face? Gotta' admit, still pretty awesome." She said this while poking a hoof through the box in front of her, and while a shiver went up her spine, Rarity said nothing about it. The gems could always be cleaned later. Lightning Dust could not be talked to later.

"Yes, I suppose so," Rarity said, trying to approach the idea from Lightning Dust's level. "Though... I still do regret it. I made a mistake, digging those gems up directly below her, and she could have easily been hurt worse than she already was."

Lightning Dust looked up from the box, and walked over before taking her glass once again into her hoof. "Why would you regret it? She only twisted her hoof when she fell, and honestly, I think she deserved it. She shouldn't have dished out insults if she wasn't prepared to get hurt. She had to learn sometime or another."

Rarity didn't agree. She didn't wish to start an argument, however, and instead mumbled a muted "I see." before taking a sip from her own glass. "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter anyway; this is not about me, it is about you. So, dear... how have you been? I know you've been doing flight shows by yourself since... what happened."

Lightning Dust smiled, taking a drink herself, before closing her eyes. Rarity didn't know exactly why she closed them, perhaps to hide something or maybe because she was lying, but she did all the same. Rarity then found herself staring into her eyes once again, though now they looked cocky and smug. Believable.

"Yeah, I've been doin' shows here lately. Some time back, though, I managed to get a team together. They're not all that great, but -- hey -- they'll do good enough. We're doin' a show in Trottingham next; we're going to try a four-pony buccaneer blitz."

Rarity took a moment to imagine that, four ponies side by side, fire and lightning bursting off of them before trailing behind in a thick line. It could have easily caused a sort of fire if they got too low, and Rarity imagined that anypony unlucky enough to fall apart and into the blaze behind them would surely be scarred.

"Isn't that a little... dangerous, dear?"

"Well, yeah. So? It will also be awesome and wow the crowd. Besides, if any of the ponies on my team want to have a chance of getting into the Wonderbolts, they gotta be able to recover and fly in a team. Really, I'm helping them, and if they can't do it... well, why are they trying in the first place? It would be their fault."

***


***

Dusty buzzed through Rarity's house after being let in by her mother, mechanically going through hallway after hallway as if it was burned into her memory, before stopping in front of the door to Rarity's bedroom. It was firmly shut and locked, with a small sign with the word 'busy' elegantly painted on it hanging from her doorknob. Dusty tilted her head to the side, never having seen the sign before.

And decided to ignore it.

Lifting a hoof, she brought it down on the door, letting Rarity know she was there.

"Hey Rares, guess what?"

There was a moment of silence, just a faint buzz coming from the other side of the door, and then Dusty was tapping her hoof impatiently. Thinking that Rarity hadn't heard her, she lifted her hoof and knocked again, louder this time. Again. And again. And again.

Sighing, but putting on her famous wry smile, Lightning decided that Rarity was going to need a bit of persuasion in order to say hello for the day. Ignoring the sign and the fact that Rarity hadn't let her in, she nudged the door open, buzzing her wings and stiffly flying into the room; Rarity sat in the middle of it, at a table which she had pulled in from her "work room". Pieces of fabric floated around her, covered in a shimmering blue light, and a box filled with gems sat to her right.

Lightning Dust raised her eyebrows in surprise(Rarity never worked in her room... and where did those gems come from?) and stopped in her tracks for a second, before continuing on her way. Rarity could afford a quick break, couldn't she? This was a big day for Lightning, and it looked like Rarity had been working for a while anyway.

"Rare, did you hear me?" she asked, hovering in front of Rarity. "Check it out -- flying!" She stuck out her hoof for a quick bump.

Rarity stared past her, tilting her head wildly from side to side, trying to look at her fabric, and her fabric alone. "Yes, yes, that's good. Ah... Dusty, do you mind moving a little to the right? I can't quite see."

Lightning's ears folded back against her skull, and she pulled her hoof back. With Hoops and his gang, she could easily understand their response, but Rarity? She couldn't believe it -- sure, she had been engrossed in her work before, but usually Rarity would easily be drawn out by Lightning just saying hello. Did she not care? Did it not matter? Did she--
Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries...
Rarity was just busy. Just like the sign. Dusty just had to try harder to get her attention; she was entirely caught up in her work right now, that was all.

Lightning Dust smiled and placed her hooves on Rarity's cheeks. Squeezing them a bit and moving her hooves up and down, she said, "Hello? Rare? Flying? Me? Are you seeing this?"

Rarity flinched away from Lightning's touch, wiggling her head out of the way of her hooves before once again looking past her. "Yes, yes, wonderful," Rarity hissed, starting to get frustrated. She lifted a hoof and gently pushed Dusty to the side, once again sorting through the fabric and gems levitating before her eyes. "But the school play is tonight, and I have to get these costumes finished before it starts."

Lightning frowned, dragging a hoof over her own shoulder. She guessed Rarity wasn't happy to see her flying after a--

Turning her eyes to the costumes and dresses littering the room, she let that frown on her face turn into a confused one.

"Finished? Don't you think these look good enough? Pretty snazzy, if I do say so myself."

Rarity went rigid, her hair standing on end, finally noticing that Lightning was in the room. Lightning saw Rarity's eyes shrink into pinpricks from the side, before her head whipped around, her face sending Dusty a surprised, somewhat angry look. "Good enough? Good enough?! They can't be just good enough! What famous painting or sculpture do you know of got into the Louvre just because it happened to be good enough?!" Rarity smashed her snout against Lightning's, causing the pegasus to flinch. "No, they have to be fabulous! They must! They must!"

Lightning Dust held Rarity's gaze for a second, both of them just staring into each others eyes. Dusty fidgeted, her eyes darting around into the other's pupils. Rarity didn't look as much angry as she did frustrated, disappointed, and expectant... but Dusty could tell when she wasn't wanted. They still stayed in the same position... but eventually, Lightning put her eyes to the floor.

In turn, Rarity turned around, leaving Lightning sad and wondering why Rarity hadn't noticed she was a bit taller.

Dusty opened her mouth, ready to say something else, get Rare's attention... but decided not to. It wouldn't end well. She just lowered her eyes, her face stuck in a saddened frown; she touched down on Rarity's floor... and walked out of the room. She didn't dare slam the door behind her.

***


***

Rarity had let the earlier comment go, as she was not yet prepared to approach the subject at hoof, and had instead retired to sharing stories. She and Lightning Dust sat at the table, reliving days they had been through in the past and retelling the random misadventures they had had when the other wasn't present. It was nice, and Rarity suspected that Lightning Dust was enjoying herself, though when the time came, and everything fell into an awkward silence, she knew it was time to say something.

"Lightning, darling... why do you push yourself so hard?"

Lightning Dust gave her a confused look and a, "What do you mean?" in return.

"You have to push yourself so hard to impress an audience that you're willing to put their lives in danger. Why is that?" Rarity didn't mean to make it sound as if there were a hidden venom in her voice, but she could have understood if Lightning Dust thought so. She would have to lower her voice a bit, compose herself, act like a lady should. She didn't want to ruin her one chance.

"Well, you don't have to add all of those gems to your outfits, do you? I'm just doing what you do. I don't see what the problem is."

"Yes, well, when I add gems to my dresses, I don't endanger the lives of anypony and everypony around me."

Rarity knew that she had messed up horribly when Lightning Dust placed her glass back onto the table with a light clatter, and let it wobble dangerously back and forth before placing a hoof on it to steady it. She especially knew she had when she looked into the icy glare she was receiving.

"Listen, Rare, I have my own way of doing things, and you have yours. Alright? I don't know why my way of doing things is so horrible to everypony, but it shouldn't be. It's none of your -- their -- business."

It was too late.

"I wouldn't see why it wouldn't be my business, seeing as, because of your actions, I was nearly a beautiful little splat on the street."

She had to be hurtful. She had to get the point across.

Lightning Dust placed a frustrated scowl on her face, tired of hearing this same conversation yet again. Rarity could feel the guilt spreading in her chest and up to her eyes, but she knew very well that this talk had to be had again with her, personally, as she was the only one who knew. She was the only one who could see it. She could see it now, in fact, in her eyes. Amongst the anger and frustration, it was hiding, floating along in her irises and into her pupils.

"Didn't we just have this talk? You could've gotten hurt, but you didn't," Lightning Dust said, her voice a shout. "I don't get what's so wrong! I'm just pushing myself like any athlete would, and sometimes, ponies get in my way and I have to step on a few hooves to keep going. It's nothing personal... I just... what is it you want from me?! Why do you care?!"

She had to tell the truth.

Rarity was silent. She stared into Lightning Dust's angry eyes.

"I'm proud of you, Dusty," she muttered quietly, as to let it sink in. She saw Lightning Dust's eyes soften around the edges, the steam that had appeared there just a second prior disappearing to let in confusion and some hidden emotion in the back. And then decided that was her cue to continue. One chance. "When you were younger, dear, the only pegasus in your life who could ever teach you how to fly passed away, and after that point, nopony gave you the benefit of doubt. Critics were thrown your way, and you stood up to them, not letting their words get to you -- better than I've done at points, I'll admit. When ponies believed you wouldn't fly, you stood up to prove yourself to them. That is a quality of not only a good flyer, but also a good fashionista, and the lesson you learned should be known by anypony wanting to make a name of themselves. You are a relatively good pony -- while I will say your table manners need a bit of work, and you could do with being a bit less... brash -- despite what was given to you, and I am happy to say I am one of your friends... and I am proud of you. And I do not want to see you harm yourself."
Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries...

***


***

Once outside, Lightning slumped down on the door, sighed, and immediately knew she wouldn't be going back in. Not for a few days anyway. Maybe Rarity would want to see her later on -- they were friends, sort of, after all -- but she wouldn't want to see her flying again the way it was now. And that was understandable, really; her flying wasn't all that great. Maybe it was horrible... it probably was, like Hoops and the others had said. She thought that it was pretty good at first, but she knew now that it wasn't. It wasn't good enough.

Because like Rarity said, artwork never got into the Louvre, and ponies never got into the Wonderbolts, because they were good enough. They had to be fabulous.

They had to be the best of the best. Better than all of their competition.

...

So Lightning Dust smiled down at the floor and picked herself up off of it... because she decided that she would be. She would be better. She would be the best...

"You want fabulous, Rarity?" she asked, a smirk pulling at her mouth. "I'll show you fabulous."

...She would be fabulous.

She didn't even look down to see the Cutie Mark she knew had appeared.

***


***

Rarity expected, and perhaps, understood what she knew was to come. There were several things which could have happened then, all of them noted on a personal list in Rarity's head, and while Rarity didn't exactly like any of the possibilities... she was ready for anything.

Anything other than what happened next.

Lighting Dust didn't say anything.

But Dusty cried.

Author's Note:

10/18/13

Done a little bit of editing to prevent confusion with flashbacks. Hopefully it doesn't break italics...

Comments ( 36 )

I really enjoyed your story. Just the other day, I was getting an itch to write a Lightning Dust and this just took the winds out of my sails. Which is a good thing! I can't really say what this story made me feel. From what knew of Lightning Dust, I thought of her as the Rainbow Dash with no friends for her to consider or hold her back from her need to prove herself.

It feels a bit off beat, in a good way, to have be Rarity be the one to have such an influence on her. At first I thought she was telling her story to Rarity and Rarity in italics was talking about what she could have done. I think I had that idea, though disprove by reading more, that it had to do with something Rarity could have done. Because of the title, Why and the chapter, Didn't I?

Maybe if I ponder this story a little long, I could come up with the words to describe how I felt.

2742108

I... I haven't even submitted it yet... and yet I already have a like, favorite, and a nice comment...

Really, Calen, thank you. You really made my day today, you wonderful, wonderful thing, you. I was really feeling down about this story, to be honest. You know that thing where, right before you hit the submit button, you think your story sucks and will do horribly? I had actually fallen into a bit of that, and you just made me feel a lot better. At least now, if it does do badly, I know that at least one person liked it.

And knowing that feels nice. Thanks.


Oh, and... did you find this on the Grading Room? I wouldn't know where you would find it otherwise...

2742975
I'm glad that I could help. Yeah, I saw it in the grading room and felt curious. It's really good. How come you haven't published it yet?

2748297

I don't have a pre-reader or editor, sadly, and I was hoping to use the Grading Room to sort of replicate that, or at least tell me how well I could(maybe) expect it to go over. I gotta say, though... it's starting to get really hard to be patient. I know that with only one or two people in charge of the reviewing, and at least three people ahead of me, they're doing their best, but I'm starting to think it would be better to stop worrying and just put it out there now. Especially with that nice comment you gave me. I'm really not sure at this point -- I'll make my decision sometime soon, though, so... well, you may see this on the front page in a couple days, or you might see it in a couple weeks. It just depends on if and when my patience wears thin(I never was a patient person).

This was well written and original. Rarity's perfectionism influencing Lightning Dust was believable. "Dusty" as a ground pegasus was interesting.

Your narration is good and lacked the lavender unicorn syndrome, which is always a nice surprise after reading so many stories with 'cyan' everywhere.

Lightning Dust almost convincing herself her flying is poor after Rarity ignores her tugs at heartstrings, though maybe not as much as knowing what she turned into afterwards. Her calling her team 'good enough' nearly hurts when you realize just what these two words mean to her. And how scary Rarity was when she uttered those same words.

I liked many lines;

'Rarity smiled, out of happiness or just practiced hospitality she wasn't sure anymore,'

'Maybe it was because because she recognized the way the pony on the other side knocked, or maybe because the voice that belonged to that pony should've been listened to years before. She wasn't sure,'

'She didn't understand anything, to be honest. Except for why she was then stepping aside and letting Lightning Dust into her home. That made sense. She had a reason for that,'

'her face stretched to a frown,'

'until she was as close to the top of the thing as she could manage, looking down to the ground which suddenly looked much farther away,'

'she balanced her way to the end of the branch,'

'the taste of sky on her tongue,'

'his expression planted into a very confused, almost disgusted one,'

'Lightning's mouth and eyes popped open, her jaw nearly touching the ground and her ears flattening against her cheeks,'

'"Oh?" Rarity said, feigning surprise and planting venom into her voice,'

'Rarity also understood why, (...) [she] fought off the urge to cry,'

'This was an act of a bad hostess, and like giving Rainbow Dash juice instead of cider,'

'The gems could always be cleaned later. Lightning Dust could not be talked to later,'

'Rarity stared past her, tilting her head wildly from side to side, trying to look at her fabric, and her fabric alone,'

'Lightning's ears folded back against her skull,'

'she let that frown on her face turn into a confused one,'

'Rarity went rigid, her hair standing on end, finally noticing that Lightning was in the room,'

'leaving Lightning sad and wondering why Rarity hadn't noticed she was a bit taller,'

'She just lowered her eyes, her face stuck in a saddened frown; she touched down on Rarity's floor... and walked out of the room,'

'everything fell into an awkward silence,'

'Rarity didn't mean to make it sound as if there were a hidden venom in her voice, but she could have understood if Lightning Dust thought so,'

'Rarity knew that she had messed up horribly when Lightning Dust placed her glass back onto the table with a light clatter, and let it wobble dangerously back and forth before placing a hoof on it to steady it. She especially knew she had when she looked into the icy glare she was receiving,'

'It was too late,'

'She had to be hurtful. She had to get the point across,'

'She was the only one who could see it. She could see it now, in fact, in her eyes. Amongst the anger and frustration, it was hiding, floating along in her irises and into her pupils,'

'She had to tell the truth,'

'"I'm proud of you, Dusty,"'

'She saw Lightning Dust's eyes soften around the edges, the steam that had appeared there just a second prior disappearing to let in confusion and some hidden emotion in the back'

and

'Lighting Dust didn't say anything.

But Dusty cried.'

I found no typo.

2810698

Thank you very much for reading this, and for giving me that comment; it really means a lot to me. I'm glad you could find so much to like out of this, and hopefully I won't disappoint later down the line.

I found no typo.

[youtube=zPlwHoXUEYo]

I really enjoyed this, I think Lightning Dust is one of the better OCs, but no story really does her justice, making her a see-through character, I think this one could show some real intent behind why she pushed herself so hard, I think you portrayed Rarity well too, definitely in character from what the show shows us, I spotted no typos and it was a good story, after reading it once, I reread it to make sure I got the present scene with no flash backs, I think anything that makes me go back and read it is pretty good.
Really enjoyed it, up-vote and favourite. Keep writing, if you have more stories I'll check them out too.

2811420

Thank you so much for the like, favorite, and nice comment! I'll try to keep doing good and continue to write stories for you to enjoy!

if you have more stories I'll check them out too.

Oh... Oh my goodness, you have no idea how happy that made me! Really, just the fact that you would read this is wonderful, but the others too?!:heart: But, uh... I've got to say, this is probably my best story to date, so if you read my others, you might notice a slight drop in quality; that's really a good thing now that I think about it, knowing that I'm improving, but... just know that the others(in my opinion) aren't like this.

Afraid I can't leave to detailed of a comment from my phone, but I wanted you to know I really liked this story. Different take on Lightning Dust that was both well written and very believable. A most excellent job.

2819966

Oh, thank you!:pinkiehappy: I wasn't expecting such a positive reaction from everyone, to be honest, and you really made my day! Really, it doesn't matter how detailed the comment is; just the fact that you took the time to read, like, favorite, and comment means a lot to me.

Edit: My god, I just realized that you're the author of Aces High. Th-The author of Aces High... and the favorite.. a-and the comment, and-- *proceeds to hyperventilate*

2820002
I know that feeling well and you're very welcome. Keep up the good work!

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Why

Grammar score out of 10: 9.5.

Pros:

1. The premise was highly original and a great backstory for Lightning Dust.

2. I like how you broke up certain parts of the story to have it go back and forth between the past and present. It kind of felt like a movie.

3. Your showing vs. telling was at a very professional level.

Cons

1. The first paragraph when they first meet; is it suppose to be a flashback?

2. I noticed some areas when you didn't have brackets but didn't space them out. EX:

flying a straight line before stopping to(unknown to her)

3. You have some sentences that are a bit lengthy. I would recommend looking them over again and maybe trying to condense them or something.

Notes Section (how you can improve your fic, at the very least an elaboration of Pros and Cons section):

I really enjoyed reading this story. I remember back in December, shortly after watching "Wonderbolt Academy", Lightning Dust was starting to become a fan favorite one-off character like Gilda, Pipsqueak, or Queen Chrysalis. I suppose the reason why they are so popular is because they are seen only once and the fans are left with a huge imagination of their histories. You were able to provide Lightning Dust with a backstory that was very believable and something I might even consider to be head cannon. It certainly explained a lot for her overly competitive behavior.

Something I found very unique was your use of italics. When I often read stories, italics are generally used to describe flashbacks, but here you did this the other way around. I thought it was very refreshing and original to do it that way. However, the only thing I would look at is the beginning when "Dusty" and Rarity first meet. If this is a Flashback then it should be consistent in format with the other flashbacks, or it will just get confusing. The only other cons I listed were some minor errors but those are easy enough fixes. Overall, a very well done story. I enjoyed it very much and I actually think it's a shame that it's not getting more views.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: When Kindness Met Hatred

2838040

Thank you for the review! You brought up some very good points! As for the consistency between italics, it's sort of... complicated. If you look, you'll find a spot where italics are just thrown into the middle of normal text -- no line separating to show it's in the present or is part of Rarity's current story:

"How dare you!" Rarity hissed, her eyes staring menacingly into Hoops'. "Just because she was born some place other than you does not, and I mean does not mean that she has any less potential. Where exactly were you born, anyway?"

"Only Cloudsdale," Hoops answered. "Home of the Wonderbolts. Not that you would know, growing up in this little poor town."

"Oh?" Rarity said, feigning surprise and planting venom into her voice. She stomped a hoof. "Then I suppose you would know that Dusty's father was also a Wonderbolt?"

"What dad? Oh, yeah, he used to be. Forgot Lightning Dirt's dad isn't around anymore."

The beginning, where they supposedly meet, is supposed to be like this. In the beginning, you just assume that it happened in the past. Here, you assume it happened in either the past or future. They are based on assumptions.

Did Rarity actually talk to Dusty? Maybe. In the past? Maybe. Did Rarity actually stand up to Hoops? Maybe. When? I don't know. It was sort of an... experiment? I guess?

Yes, it seems strange. It is strange. At this point, I can't even follow my own twisted train of logic as to why I wanted it that way. Maybe I wanted to see reactions -- I don't know. This is why I don't like to write hyped up on sugar and sparkling juice at one o'clock in the morning.



Anyway, now that I'm done rambling... yeah, my sentences do tend to get a bit wordy at times, but I've been trying to cut down on it. Already, I've improved a lot in that regard, and I'll keep trying. As for parenthesis... are you supposed to put a space before them? Hm. The more you know.

something I might even consider to be head cannon

I enjoyed it very much and I actually think it's a shame that it's not getting more views.

Oh, thank you! My rambling is done now, so you should expect a review on your story soon.

I liked this, but I'm not good at that "glowy" stuff. (Something I need to work on, I guess.) So, since several people already gave you some "glowy" stuff, you get me jumping right in. :unsuresweetie:

I was able to follow your use of italics pretty well, once I worked out the rule. But I think you should do more to separate your use of "now" italics from your use of "past" italics. My first thought was to put the "now" italics in quote boxes -- easy enough, and similar to your current usage. I also thought of moving the "now" italics to sidebars, instead. I made a mock-up of that, with... mixed results. It re-ordered the ending, accidentally. Whether or not it's 'better'...

At first, I didn't notice your use of the refrain "Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries..." because you made it white. I'm gonna go back and read it again on a different setting, so I can see it. You might want to change the color on that, I might suggest [color=#7ae5cf] (the color of Lightning Dust's coat, according to the eyedropper tool in my paint program), which would make it look like this: Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries... I suppose whether or not to do that might depend on who's supposed to be 'thinking' it.

I don't remember Lightning's cutie mark off-hand. As I'm reading this, it sounds like you're having it appear right after coming out of Rarity's room. It gives a fascinating dual effect to the ending.

I'll probably be promoting this soon. (For whatever good my promoting it's worth.:ajbemused:)

2840156

Thank you for this! I have to say that your alternate version does look pretty nice, having it side-by-side like that. It looks pretty organized, and really, the only problem with it is what you've already acknowledged.

As for the line "Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries, Dusty never cries...", that's... actually supposed to be white. In fact, if you'll look, you'll see places where I moved it to where it wouldn't be seen. Some were just hidden at the end of sentences, but for some, that would create more than a full line of text. That would mean it would look like I had two spaces in-between paragraphs instead of one. People would think that it was an error of some kind, or they would scroll over it, thinking something was there. So I got rid of the space at some parts.

That being said... thank you so much for finding it! I really don't know whether anyone else has found it or not, but they haven't said anything, so... thank you! I didn't plan on that line being hidden forever, and someone finally found it. I still don't know if that means I'll be changing the color of it yet... but I probably will, eventually.

I don't remember Lightning's cutie mark off-hand. As I'm reading this, it sounds like you're having it appear right after coming out of Rarity's room. It gives a fascinating dual effect to the ending.

That made me laugh a lot more than it should have.:rainbowlaugh:

Anyway -- just look at you, making me sound like a little kid in a candy shop -- I've been waiting for someone to talk about her Cutie Mark too!:yay: Her Cutie Mark is a lightning bolt, with four stars under it. In this context, the lightning bolt is her, striking down her competition (the stars) and becoming the best of the best. Becoming fabulous.

I'll probably be promoting this soon. (For whatever good my promoting it's worth.:ajbemused:)

:fluttershysad: Oh, don't be so down on yourself. Even if you don't get many people to see it, your still promoting me, and that means a lot more to me than you know. Thank you, again.

Fantastic story. Always felt pity for lightning dust, especially being in her position more than once. I felt kind of shocked at the end of that episode, and lost a lot of respect for the mane six. This kinda redeems it, that and the dialogue was great, though the italics kind of confused me at first. Overall, it's great to see someone talking about the "bad guy" like this

2885650

To me, Lightning Dust never was a bad guy, the same way that Gilda and Trixie were never bad guys. They're just normal ponies/griffons who've had bad things happen to them. Thank you for reading this, and as for the commas* confusing you... don't worry, it was sort of supposed to do that.

To be fair though, Lightning Dust's punishment wasn't that bad. Think about it -- because of her negligence, six ponies nearly lost their lives. Like I pointed out in my story, she didn't mean to or want to, or even really grasp what she almost did, but she could have just as easily been put in jail or put on trial before being booted. Her punishment was harsh and made me feel bad for her, but given the circumstances... I think it was the best anypony could do.

Anyway, thanks for reading, commenting, liking, and giving me that favorite!




*Commas, really? I meant to say italics.

I did a little bit of editing to try to get rid of confusion... you know, if anyone else reads this. I probably should have done this earlier... anyway, I changed the italics up, and for those of you who are still confused about them, well... read the parts in bold and italics, and the read the title of the story. And I mean the full title, not just "Why". Then think about it and come up with your own conclusion.

This is inexcusable! You need more views for this masterpiece! :rainbowdetermined2: I'll help any way I can!

3849348

O-Oh, thank you! :pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy: That's extremely nice of you, and I really do appreciate the help! And while I'm here, thank you for the follow as well. This means a lot!

3849384 I'll try my best to get your story the appreciation it needs.

3849394

Well, I can't seem to find something that truly represents my mood. But this is close enough:

[youtube=EUVUDizeHoY]

3982687

I hear your applause and thank you. :twilightsmile:

This wasn't at all what I expected, and I'm rather pleased. This was a highly unorthodox depiction of Lightning and I can honestly say that I've never heard of someone friendshipping her with Rarity. Your style of going back and forth between the past and the present was very effective, surprisingly so, although there were times when I was very confused (especially when you went to bold text for Rarity's side of things).

From a continuity standpoint, this story raises a ton of questions. If Lightning and Rainbow never met, Lightning must have left Ponyville before Rainbow moved in; when and why? Did Rarity and Lightning stay in touch? If not, what caused the rift? If so, why hasn't Rarity mentioned her to her friends? Why didn't Rarity say anything to Lightning during the events of Wonderbolts Academy?

The creation of speculative opportunities is always a great thing in my mind. Finding myself curious, I have thrown a few more of your stories into my RiL for future consumption.

4764269

Thank you so very much for your kind words, and I'm glad that you enjoyed this :yay:. I've really been frustrated with my writing for a while, so really, this... kinda made my day :twilightblush:. Thank you for giving this story your time!

4765063
Frustrated with your writing? I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things improve for you in that vein soon, as I see some nice potential in this story.

It'll be a while before I get to them as I have over 140 stories ahead of them in my RiL, but I've added Pies, One Small Mistake and Child's Play to my RiL. I know exactly how it feels for a work to go largely unnoticed (case in point) and I'm hoping to find some undiscovered gems.

Typically I expect flashbacks or the such in italics, so it was a bit weird to see it reversed. That and the weird bold during the point where Rarity was talking during the flashback was weird.

As for the actual story, it was enjoyable. Rarity having a connection to LD is new and different. I only wished you went a little more into LD's backstory, it feels like a copy paste of RD's at times and after she leaves Rarity's boutique I feel like she would have come back at some point.

This is still a good story though, and I applaud the use of two odd characters together! :twilightsmile:

6389383

Thank you so very much. I don't know what else to say other than thank you for your review and your advice. It's a big help. :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

...
So. If I am guessing correctly, Rarity and Lightning Dust were one time friends. Lightning's dream was to become a Wonderbolt like his father, who passed away. She was teased mercilessly for her inability to fly. This made her decide she was going to prove them wrong by any means necessary. Yet, after got her cutie mark Rarity became too busy for her friend and put it in Lightning Dust's head that in order to get into the 'Bolts, she had to be 'fabulous'. I understand how this made her reckless and self-centered, but why did Lightning start crying? Why did what Rarity say cause her to break down?

7874231

The line, "I'm proud of you, Dusty," and the speech Rarity gave afterwards made Lightning Dust break down (and when she made Lightning cry, it was in the present. Everything else you mentioned -- which was all correct -- happened in the past). I understand that the italics can make this pretty hard to understand sometimes :twilightblush: Also, thank you for your comment!

7876145 But that doesn't answer WHY that made her cry. Why would those words cause Lightning Dust to breakdown? As for the italics, I'm used to the italics being the flashback, not the other way around.

7876186

Oh sorry, I read that question wrong (:facehoof:). Basically the idea was that Lightning Dust was doing all those things because she never got recognition from anypony, and she was desperate for validation. Her father had passed away at a young age, she was often bullied, when they were young even her closest friend had blown off her getting her Cutie Mark, and then she had been kicked out of the Wonderbolts. To hear Rarity say that she was proud of her was a big deal, because she'd never heard that from somepony she really cared about before. So, she broke down.

I wrote this story over 3 years ago, which is why that probably isn't as clear as it should be (and that also explains the italics being "backwards". Back in 2013 was when I was really trying to find a "style", and so I tried some experimental stuff in my writing. Some of it worked, some of it didn't).

This was lovely. Some great character work between two poorly represented ponies. And not a cliche in sight.

11319969
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

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