I create ponies literature that is fueled by bottled tea and canned lemon tea. Yes these things exist.
Casting a new learned spell, Twilight and the Elements ends up in a city on another world, where flashy carriages rule the streets, big hair dominates the head, and a decade where greed is considered good thing.
With a psycho drug dealing killer and a two-bit backstabbing lawyer on their side, they must find their way back to Equestria
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hell yes Vice City BITCHES!!!
Girls, welcome to the City of Vices...
Aw Yeah! I'm so pumped for GTA 5 cuz I preordered it!
3173859 same here, only a week away
3174083 Yeah Boy!!!!
I await the next chapter!
This is actually pretty decent. The characters are nicely written, I like the idea of the ponies being separated and 'sent' to the most appropriate characters, and it's nice to see Tommy caring about something that's not money or business. Well, caring enough to consider doing something about it, at least. Tommy never really gives a fuck so...
Too bad it'll most likely never be updated...
On the negative side, you direly need to proofread it. There are so many mistakes that could be fixed by simply re-reading it. Forgotten words, non-conjugated verbs (just add -s, -ed or -ing), etc.
I know you wrote that English isn't your native language, but judging from your vocabulary, I'm pretty confident your English is good enough to properly conjugate verbs in the two simplest tenses.
Speaking of tenses, try sticking to one... you change from past to present every few lines, it's readable but kinda off-putting.
4806903
And there is where you are wrong
4808765 Really? Well I'm definitely
looking forward to it thenreading it right now.Oh shit. AJ, what did you do?
Get a proofreader if you don't have one already. That should be enough to fix most of the issues.
The story seems interesting enough, but is just butchered by all the grammar mistakes.