When Rainbow Dash returns Twilight's copy of Daring Do someone else finds the book as well... But who are they, and what do they want? Twilight needs to find out. And fast.
Chapters (3)
Khroam
Joined 13th Feb, 2012 ·
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Well, this is my first fanfiction that I am not too ashamed to publish (I say that, but this has yet to be moderated!). At the moment it isn't really much worth talking about, but it will start to get more interesting soon. I really hope to get some comments, a few happy readers, that'd really make it worth while. If you could provide me with a few pointers on pony speech patterns, I'd be very grateful. I think that just about covers it.
Happy reading!
--Khroam
Well, short chapters but the concept is actually really cool. I didn't find too many errors, but then again, things like that don't bother me so I tend to skip-em. Aside from that, I think a 4 star because of the (Really) short chapters, Hope to read more though.
Hmm. I actually don't find you writing skill to be bad at all. And the story sounds very interesting so far. I encourage you to do what comes naturally. My only criticism is i got stumbled on one part. Try wording it different, something like: Oh my God... I have twilights copy of Daring Do! So then that hair on page 200 must be Rainbow Dash's! I couldn't take it! The realization made me want to yell!
Thank you so much for the reviews, it means a lot. On the subject of chapters, I was considering having it as a single continous piece, then gave up
. So the chapter system may seem a bit rushed, if you have any suggestions though for improvement to that - don't hesitate to ask. @sh1v3r Ok, agreed, I'll change that bit. Thanks once again for the comments, it really helps.
--Khroam
P.S Considering changing the title, I don't really like it.
A: Can I do that?
B: Should I do that?
C: What should I change it to?
So I just baked up this little number today. For the benefit of anyone reading, I think that it's best just to forget the chapters, and treat them as uploads, I will sort the chapter problem out once I've finished the piece. Pinkie promise.
and I did just feel I had to get some bottled ideas out. Any comments or criticism welcome and encouraged as usual - they are my fuel!
In other news, this felt a little rushed to me
Happy reading!
--Khroam
220992 Well, I dont know about yours being rushed, but aside from that, I thought It was fine. again though, I may not be as picky a reader as many others. Only thing that still gets me is the length. 500 words is, like a half minute read for me.
aside from that, keep it up.
219295 Ah, uh... How about.. Shit, I don't know. Hm.. Multiverse diary? I couldn't say. The notebook, I don't know, im horrible at titles, you give it a go! xD
And yea, you can just edit story.
As for how to make it so you can increase chapters? Try holding off a few days, work multiple chapters, and then piece them together. 500 a pop, work three chapters a week, that's 1500 words, bit low, but honestly most people are low considering I read stupid fast.
That was the fastest I've ever received a comment on anything. Ever. I will do my best to make the work I provide you with longer.In other news, I got a second star review, quite a low one, I gather. I haven't a problem with that, but please do tell me why you didn't like my work so I can make amends. I won't be offended
but seriously, do tell me. Kintra, thanks once again for your time, it means a lot that you like what I throw together! 
Have a great day everyone
--Khroam
Yikes! Re-reading my last post it makes it look like I was talking to you (Kintra) about that review. I wasn't , just in case you did think that! That cleared up, I... have nothing else to say.
--Khroam
(Well that was embarrasing)
222725 You should use the reply function so that it tells me when you are talking to me! I didn't realize you had said anything back! But yea, I knew you weren't talking to me. But unfortunately don't expect people to tell you WHY they didn't like your story. There are a lot of people who read rate and leave. Its kinda rude, but ive got 10 thumbs down and only one person who ever told me why. Which generally summed up was. "OH another HIE you suck" and stuff.
But yea, I'm not too worried about it. If you enjoy writing, stick to it no mater what they say! I know my story wouldn't be where it was if not for the fact that im addicted to my own little world.
226378
Like that? And also what you said about your own little world, I'm just like that. I have several alternate Ponyvilles, alternative game time streams, popular novel alternative endings running around my head all the time. They are great, I love 'em all to bits. (I may add that I tend to be in most of them in one way or another, but what can you do, human nature).
--Khroam
227080 Don't feel bad, I also tend to insert myself, or a character ive made. It just makes it that much more interesting.
And yes, Like that!
I see you found an editor. ha ha, im sorry i wasnt of much help.
the improvements that were made have definately made this a quality story
keep it up. I like the direction in which this is going. I just posted a new story, but carrying out conversations, thats not quite my forte. 
read it and give me your thoughts. i need some feedback. please?
Alright, here's some constructive criticism. First things first, your chapters are way to short. Try to maintain at least 1500 to 3000 words a chapter. Secondly, first person is okay sometimes, though it's not my favorite. Secondly, I noticed sometimes you would have multiple speakers per paragraph. That can get really confusing really fast. Lastly, try describing scenes better. As a friend once told me, imagine that the reader has no idea what the situation is, and you have to tell them everything.
Keep writing, you'll only get better! ^_^
233820
But thanks once again for the review!
Hey, thanks! I'll keep that in mind for the continuation of this. I was writing something but then my computer suddenly remembered something, it hates my guts. So, I now have to re-write a thousand words worth, and am failing to find the time.
--Khroam
P.S Need a new laptop, any ideas?