Once, I was alone.
I felt neither sorrow nor joy at this. The presence or absence of others meant nothing to me. The universe moved in silence, and I drifted in its flow.
Then came the song.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 24th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
psychicscubadiver
"Gold for the merchant, silver for the maid / Copper for the craftsman, cunning in his trade / 'Good', laughed the Baron, sitting in his hall / But iron - cold iron - shall be the master of them all."
psychicscubadiver
Joined 24th Jan, 2012 ·
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psychicscubadiver · 5.9k words · 68 1 · 1.2k views
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nice
This was a very interesting read. The vague beginning actually had me believing that we were reading the birth of Celestia until I managed to put the pieces together. That Celestia and Sol sort of work together, instead of Celestia having control of the sun, was a very interesting notion.
I know it was a one-shot to fill voids of time when writing The Dresden Fillies, but I really can't help but wish that this was a full-blown fic of it's own. Keeping it as short as it is now required me to fill in a considerable number of the details, which I suppose is both a good and a bad thing. I like that you wrote it in a way that allowed me to bring in the missing details without any difficulty. That, alone, earned a thumbs up from me. The down side of that is that it did slow me down in a few spots while I tried to piece everything together.
Over all, I loved it! Solid 8.5 out of 10. I really hope this is a project that maybe gets a little more attention as you get more free time. I know it was just a one-shot, but one can hope, right?
You mad genius, you. It's original, emotional, and an absolutely wonderful read. I loved it.
Who even thinks of writing from the POV of the sun? And you even managed to characterize it really well within the short 2k-ish words of the story. Bravo.
There were a few minor errors here and there... like:
... but overall - as I said - this had me fully immersed all the way through. Thank you for writing it.
Allright, Everypony! Let's get this thing to the Feature Box!
This was a nice short read. Great job.
I don't think I have ever seen a story done from the point-of-view of the Sun or even seen one that Celestia speaks to them. You have done very well with this.
Under The Sun - Black Sabbath
Very nice. Well done
That is amazingly touching.
Well then. That was. . . different. It was a good kind of different though, well done.
highly enjoyable
Damn that's an awesome PoV.
Well bucking done.
Huh. Cool.
Wow, that fails to do it justice by a mile.
Dem feels...
A guess of what the song is: Hm-Hmd-Hm-HmHm-Hmt-Hmhm-Hmd-Hmmmm.... *sniff*
I can't take it anymore!
celestia/sol ship fic? is that... allowed to exist?
I think you wrote the mirror image of this song. It gives me the same feelings but in the reverse order. Which is all I ever wanted when I heard the song, really.
I really liked this fic. I want to put a period there because I think that was the most important thing to get out of this comment. This was fun and good and interesting. The emotion was poignant.
But.
You do know that stars die too right? I felt like the whole "Celestia will die" being a revelation didn't quite come off right because it's not like Sol is going to be around *forever.* I might have spun that more said that Celestia would not grow old with Sol. Because Sol too will grow old in the billion year future and I feel like he might think he'd finally found some one to share it with. If that's what you intended it came off more of Sol being upset or shocked that everything dies. Which didn't feel right.
2680491
I know stars die eventually. You know stars die eventually.
How would Sol know that? He's been around for three billion years and watched planets form. As far as he knows, he is eternal. He comes to believe that Celestia is too, partially because she has lived so much longer than the other voices, and partially because he wants it to be true.. He becomes upset when he discovers that she will die. Celestia is his only friend, and he's afraid of losing her.
That was a great story, the sun being alive is something I haven't seen before and it was very interesting to read a story from its perspective. I'll have to read more of your stories soon, good luck writing!
That was beautiful.
I love how we could eventually work out everything that was happening despite Sol's limited perspective.
This was wonderful and beautiful and and and...
God, I wish this was more than just a one-shot.
*FEELS BUFFER OVERLOAD*
.
.
.
*CRITICAL ERROR*
.
.
.
*TERMINATING HEART.EXE*
Wow...
This is awesome.
Like totally cool here dude.
^_^
^_^
^_^
^_^
I... I feel completely ashamed for letting this story languish in my "Read Later" list for this long. This was excellent. When Sol heard Celestia crying after she had to banish Nightmare Moon, I actually got a little choked up.
Freaking Fav'd.
This was a truly beautiful story!
What an extraordinary idea for a fic. This was awesome.
A sentient sun...well done...you deserve a moustache
*slow clap begins* Well done. *clapping intensifies*
This was beautiful.
Over 185 thumbs ups, and not a single thumbs down. I think that should say something...
That was really rather unique... I'm still not quite sure how to judge a sentient star as a character. I keep alternating between treating it as a fairy tale and a more literal story (at least, literal for the magic land of Equestria.) Still, made me think, and that's never a bad thing!
Very nice, very emotional. :)
This is a beautiful story. I feel like Sol is still something of an infant, due to his simple yet powerful emotions, which makes sense - Celestia slides into the motherly role in a lot of situations without really trying, and if she's the only person to ever actually talk to the sun then t's going to take after her.
There is one small problem:
This should read "The fewer words I used, the better."
Oh I LOVE this. I'm recording this. I do not care how many others do the same, I want to read this aloud. And I shall.
So, are you going to write Luna talking to the moon? ;)
This was beautiful and heart twisting. I loved it.
This was touching.
Even tough even stars (let it be a supermassive red giant or a 'tiny' yellow dwarf, like Sol) die at some point.
Thinking about life and death.... the more time you have to do it, the more inevitable the end seems.
Well done, and thanks for PresentPerfect for showing me this piece of art.
-Zeph
Sol is the sun, isn't he/she/it? The dark song was when Luna raised the moon the cover the sun just before she transformed into Nightmare Moon. The chorus of voices were the unicorns before Celestia.
Am I right?
Huh. Two Dislikes.
Their hand must have slipped as they fell into hell.
Maybe they were pushed.
Is it weird that I felt like Sol fell in love with his single singer after the silence of being hurled around by Discord? Her determination and drive in reaching out to him being the first steps of courtship with a being able to compare to him breaking through his silent fortitude... Each time she sung or talked with him making him fall more for her slowly, ever so slowly, as she outlasts all the other singers... Until he was trapped by the moons whispering song, before being freed of it to resume his duty with merely the sound of sobs and grief to greet him as he speaks for the first time to the one who he has fallen for in mirror to her own words so long ago... Then her revelation of her own time and ability to sing coming to an end bringing sadness and fear to one who cares for her in his own silent and stoic way... What do you mean it's just a star over a planet with life?
6367775
Will fix. Glad to hear you enjoyed it, writing Sol's perspective was a unique experience. Trying to hit that sweet spot between ageless and yet still learning wasn't easy but I'm happy with what I managed.
6368009
Send me a link when you do. I'd love to hear a dramatic reading of that.
6368026
I actually did think of a plot and even a title (The Whispered Lullaby) for a pseudo-sequel that was about Luna and the moon, but I doubted anyone actually wanted to see it. Chuckle, plus it isn't like my other stories haven't kept me busy. Though, given the amount of likes on your comment I may have to dust off the outline and find some time to write it.
6368297
Yes. You are correct.
6377709
Sol loves Celestia, that shouldn't be a doubt to anyone. However there are many forms of love, and even more ways to express them. I intentionally left it up to the reader's interpretation as to which kind of love Sol feels.
6378940 hey, I'd love to read that sequel if you dust it off. I do wonder if the Sun and moon talk to each other, and about their respective alicorns? And if the moon loves Luna the way Sol loves Celestia- it would be so interesting, as Luna was after all trapped in the moon for a thousand years, lol
You should move this stuff to the author's notes. (Except the disclaimer, which the rules say shouldn't be there.
The way this is written, it is the pattern that wishes Sol could do more. I think you should add an "I" here.
This is fantastic. The evocative language really helped the mood of the piece, and it is full of impressive little details. Great work!
Very creative idea, and I think it turned out beautifully.
Whenever I read a story, I usually experience it visually, to some degree - I see in my head the the characters and the setting. What made this form of writing really interesting to me is that I couldn't do that. I felt blind, and much like losing one sense gradually causes your others to become much more detailed, I was forced to relate to the story through stronger emotions and more nondescript thoughts than usual. It was a neat experience for me, so thanks for publishing this
There isn't much to say. I will simply agree with plenty of other reviewers and say this was beautiful and interesting.
It always fascinates me, the extreme variety of things this apparently simple show inspires people to write. You did very well. Have a like.
Literal song or magic being interpreted as such? Both could work though the latter seams more likely than Celestia singing all the . . . oops.
I can't believe I found this in 2017 via a spotlight on EQD, four years after its release. That should have happened sooner.
Anyway, good story!
How have I gone so long withou reading this? I only ever read your crossover stuff, while this gem was waiting for me? A mistake I won't make again, that's for sure.
I love how you slowly unveiled what was happening to the audience. No grand reveal simply stating the 7 W's (I hate exposition in most stories), allowing me to figure out what was going on. At first I thought it WAS Celestia speaking. Figured this was you painting her as some universal force given pony form or something. Only after the single voice mentioned how 'he' hurt you did it click for me. Very subtle.
And then watching them comfort each other through the years was beautiful. Not much more needs to be said on that, it was wonderfully sweet and fantastically written. Amazing, as I have come to expect Psy. Carry on.
How have I not read this yet? It was just... so beautiful, do evocative, so perfect. It took a bit to work out just what it was about, but once it clicked it just.... just...I have no words for how amazing this was.
; ~ ; I didn't quite see it coming, then it all clicked into place. You really nailed the emotional yanking in this <3
Chugging through my old reviews and filling in important gaps. In particular, where a story deserved a favourite and I didn't remember to give it. After what I said at the time, this absolutely qualifies!