I write pony fiction and I love it! Tell me what you think and you never know, I may use it!
Rainbow Dash has used the last of her free money for the month and is absolutely starving for some pizza, so she learned to make it herself. Now, with an urge to make pizza for her friends' get together, what will the end result be?
Written as part of Chaotic Note's writing challenge. I like to try for comedy, and I like to set the stage for something I may eventually write. I know I am not very good at comedy, but I went for it anyway!
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And so it begins.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2622187 Indeed, now to see if the story passes moderation! (I have no idea if it will, it is a pretty bad comedy that I wrote up at the drop of a hat...)
2622191
Then how in the hell do I see it?
~Skeeter The Lurker
2622288 because I didn't set a password and you got sent a link from me adding it to this group.
2622288 and now they approved it, already liking the extra mods.
2622332
Agreed on that.
~Skeeter TL
The part I enjoyed the most..
Haha, Twilight has a "hit"list
Overall, it was entertaining. You could tell it was quickly thrown together. But best of luck to you in the contest. I plan on entering a submission in a day or two's time.
2622365 yeah, I basically decided to just go for it. I do this a lot in many things, and I usually don't do that bad, though I know comedy isn't my strong suit. you never know though, I may throw together something in the future from this start.
2622373
You could definitely go somewhere with that "hit"list you brought into existence. I would love to see what you do with it. If you ever do., I would be honored to pre-read it for you.
2622389 alright, I do currently have something else I am doing, but I certainly would like to continue the idea at some time, probably not a comedy though, and more of Twilight and her hit list.
2622395
Well, you could continue it as a comedy. Make it a sort of series of chapters, each one being the comical interactions that leads to each name being crossed off the list.
2622417 It could be, though, I am certainly bad at comedy, any more then this and I would basically need a co-writer (which would allow me to work on two projects at once). Comedy is not my strong suit to write sadly...
2622422
Well, I would be your co-writer as a last resort if you ain't find anyone else. Comedy is not my strong suit as well, but if needed I'm sure we could come up with something for each name on the list.
2622436 Hmmm... maybe, well for now I will search for someone to write the story with, but perhaps a three person writing strategy wouldn't be too bad... I'll try and find a someone if you would like to join it for at least some proofreading.
2622446
I would be glad to. Just shoot me a message on here when I'm needed.
this was hilarious!!! i think this will be one of the top choices in your competition, and i wish you the best of luck!!! if you do decide to continue this story as Twilights hit list, or any other way, it will be at the top of my reading queue!!! (spell check on queue?)
2622417 yeah that definitely sounds like a great idea!! :D it would be interesting to see how Twi tricks each character differently
Pretty damn funny.
I knew there was the sex tag, but I didn't see that ending coming!
That pizza must have been like aphrodisiac, but times ten!
2622535 Glad you found it funny, can't believe I was actually able to write all of this from such a simple prompt, and that I would actually have people call it funny... guess that is just me though. I might end up continuing it if I can find an author who is good on the laughs to write the story with. Ah well, time for me to finish the story I am reading and get some sleep (2 AM here).
2622494
I think I may have sparked a series of sorts
What was in those spices that made them react like that, and where can I get some...
Not a bad story I can see Rainbow Dash doing something like that. Though I kind of see this as more of a slice of life or random story than comedy, but it still had some funny parts.
2622635 I didn't feel like tagging it 'Slice of Life' entirely because it feels like your best friend getting you horny through drugs doesn't entirely sound like 'Slice of Life' material to me
. I tried to write for the funny, but I am not that good with comedy.
2622635
The random tag seems more suitable then the slice of life tag, for the same reason as 2622655's, but I feel like the comedy tag is the most appropriate tag for this story.
2622710>>2622655
True the ending does kind of kill the slice of life tag.
2622655
Also it's not too big of a deal, sometimes the best method for learning/improving is trial and error, and it's a decent comedy fic. Definitely could be improved, but I wouldn't say it's bad in anyway.
We're having sex for pizza now?
Good Fuckidy Doo.
"Hey, can I borrow a video game from your house?"
"Sure, but you have to fuck me first."
2622597 i sure think (and hope) that ur right!!
2622655 i have ONE peice of advice for you... if u EVER get a comment from Darkentrophy... IGNORE IT!!! he does nothing but bash stories, even well written ones, probably because he feels sorry for himself for no reason and has nothing better to do with his life. on the other hand, i will always give constructive critisizm (if i have any) and try my best to help like Zangy :)
… Okay?
2623544
I'm really hoping it does, something like this, being completely random and not fully thought out (definitely mean that in a good way), can turn into a masterpiece. Of course it will have it's haters, but there will be plenty of others who really enjoy it.
2623345
Obviously you didn't catch onto Twilight making a note to herself to thank Spike for giving Rainbow the spices, meaning there was some kind of aphrodisiac within the spices. Please, make sure to pay attention to context clues before making a negative comment.
2623836
Is your ".......okay?" referring to the randomness of this story, or something else?
2624324
I find a way to make all my comments negative.
2624450
Well with that mindset, I cannot see how it is possible for you to have any friends at all. Unless, you just store all your "anger" and "hatred" up from your day to day interactions, and attempt to lash out at author's on the site. But truth is, according to your comment that started all of this, you made yourself look like a fool, because you attempted at making a negative comment without even actually paying attention to what you were commenting on.
Now, I have work that I have to attend to. Good day to you, sir/madam.
2624520
Hmm... I don't think you mean that.
Good luck with your work.
2624555 cmon guys, lets all get along! we all have at least one thing in common: we're bronies!! love and tolerate XD
2624555
I do mean it, I have not and will not wish a bad day upon someone that I do not know. Now if I knew you that would be a different story.
2624752
Love and Tolerate, all day, everyday!
2624863 Yes'm!! All day, everyday!!
2624337 The randomness of the finale
2627655
So I'm guessing you didn't like it?
2628210 Nah, I loved it! Just found it a bit sudden
Just as funny the third time around
Still can't wait to see what y'all do with the whole list thing.
This is good,
2820427 Thanks. There was going to be a sequel, but since I never found anyone willing to help me write comedy, it sort of fell apart. So unfortunately this is all there is, but I am surprised something I wrote and published on a whim like this did so well in the first place!
Well...
That escelated quickly.
What dark, saucey seceret are you hiding, Twilight Sparkle?
This was getting quite interesting and then.... Everyone has sex. Now I am far from apposed to clop, having more than a few in my favorites, but this one I had to give a thumbs down. You went from one place (Dash making a pizza and possibly screwing it up) to a completely and totally unrelated point. (Everyone had an orgy) And what really annoyed me was that everything that would possibly connect those dots was entirely 'off screen'. And then suddenly RD has a list of people she is trying to bang.
Then I go back and read the summary again to make sure I was reading the same story I thought I was, (RD runs out of money and MUST HAVE PIZZA, what will she do to get it?) and found that I was right. It DOES NOT relate in the slightest to any parts of the actual story.
Concept on your summary is interesting, was looking forward to it. Found out the story wasn't actually that, but starting off as RD tries to make her own pizza rather than pay for one. Ok, still sounds like it could be a good time. Tank is seeing her goof up and is trying to stop it. And then an orgy happened. OFF CAMERA (Yeah that still annoys the crap out of me.) Because it is all part of RD wanting to sleep with those on her list. .... The fuck happened? It was like 3 different stories got smashed together and all the parts that would connect them got torn out.
The fact that I can actually picture in my head a way to make this all connect is something that makes it stand out as so bad to me. It COULD have been something funny, sexy, and great. Instead we get 3 disjointed scenarios that could possibly be related but are never actually connected properly. I see the potential in your work, (good concept and overall good writing shown) but making something so very disconnected like this makes me very leery of trying to read any other of your work.
2908100 It was Twilight's list, it was a set of herbs Twilight put into Spike's spices. As for the other points, yeah, I know that it is very much wrong. I forgot to change that when I changed from the initial point, for that I apologize. As for the story itself, I know it is a mess. I wrote it in four hours, looked over spelling, then pretty much called it a day and posted it as an interesting read. As I said, was supposed to be about comedy, and the original idea was that she would discover she is out of spices, and end up doing various things to get them. This ended up being as funny as a small child getting hit by a truck, and the moon exploding. I do apologize for any inconvenience this story caused for you.
so twilight has a long list of ponies to fuck is that it?
3090727 with whatever means necessary to make it consensual!
Hey, I liked this, and I couldn't help reading the comments and thinking 'THIS is a series I would love to help write.'
Are you still up for it?
3437848 I am somewhat, but I gave up a while ago. Lost a lot of the ideas I did have for it and moved on to other projects. Mostly because this wasn't really that, good, per se. I guess I could give it a try again, just be aware I have two large projects going on so I have no idea how well this will go.