Playing her Heartstrings

by BowserFan16

Dinner, and a Sunset

"Ha Ha Ha!!!!" laughs Lyra. You find her laugh one of the cutest things about her.
"Yeah, and then I was like SON, I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE BATTLING WITH APPLES!" you say in a Bill Cosby voice.
She laughs even harder, as do you. This is the most fun you have had in weeks.
finally she calms down as you guys get your food.
after you eat, she says something that makes your heart beat faster.
"how do you think this day is going?" she asks.
"I think this day, is going great!" you say
"I'm glad, she says. "There's one thing I want to do though..."
"and what would that be?"
___________________________________________________________________

After Dinner, you are lyra are sitting on a bench looking at the beautiful sunset.
"Hey..." Lyra says in a nervous voice.
"Yeah?" You reply.
"I have had a crush on you for a while now, and this has been the best day ever, and I was wondering what do you think of me? I've been really curious, all day, and...
Kiss her you Idiot!!!
I was just wondering mph mph...
at that moment, your lips are locked with yours, your eyes are closed, and you feel warm inside.
after a few seconds, you break the kiss, open your eyes, and you see lyra with a smile on her face.
"does that answer your question?" you ask.
She kisses you again, this time you feel more than warm, you feel fuzzy, magical almost. this kiss lasts a few second more than your last kiss, and it is a bit more passionate than the first one.
She breaks the kiss, yawns and cuddles with you, digging her head into your chest. You feel different. you feel a feeling that you've never felt before. you feel happy, loved, a warm fuzzy feeling flows throughout your body.
This is the start of a beautiful relationship...

Author's Note:

that took 3 days to write my first fanfic! YAY!!!!! hope you liked it!

Comments

[FicusCat]

Lots of missing capitalization.
The story have no pacing at all, with minimal descriptions.
The characters are bland.
The chapters are way too short to build anything in them.
And we lack crucial backstory ( why he is human, why an angel, etc... )

[Twyra]

for your first fanfic, this is going very good, but there are lots of punctuation, capitalization mistakes but its nice so far.

[qohdqihdoqifhoeifheowifh]

As much as I like fics with Lyra in 'em, I have to give this one a downvote. Maybe before continuing this story, you could take a look at some of the rules of writing? I think that they would do you wonders. As for the description part, you'll just have to keep working on it. You'll get better if you take your time to get better, by learning how to be better.

[BowserFan16]

2565916 Yeah first one, kinda blank on ideas, but thanks! I appreciate the 4/5 rating!

[BowserFan16]

2565904 Hey thanks dude! appreciate it!

[RAJULIO]

I have to say it was quite a cute short story. It's only about one thousand words, I don't know why people are expecting so much. Good job!

[BowserFan16]

2568529

Hey thanx dude Brohoof*

[Crewe]

For your first fanfic, this was pretty good, it was short though

[Pyromaniacal Panda]

Uh... you said, and I quote "your lips are locked with yours"

[Madzoroark]

A human with a cutie mark... This idea intrigues me! Please continue.

[Madzoroark]

2705506 how would you even do that?! XD

[Pyromaniacal Panda]

3982615 That is a good question. Clones? Hmm...