You are a guardian angel human, you grew up in cloudsdale, your cutie mark is shield and swords on your left arm. your the head chef at the hot hooves cafe', run by your friend caeser. Lyra has had her eye on you for quite a while... what will happen?
Note* ITS MY FIRST DAMN FANFICTION EVER, I KNOW ITS NOT PERFECT!!!!!!!!
but thanks for the advice though, its really appreciated.
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Lots of missing capitalization.
The story have no pacing at all, with minimal descriptions.
The characters are bland.
The chapters are way too short to build anything in them.
And we lack crucial backstory ( why he is human, why an angel, etc... )
for your first fanfic, this is going very good, but there are lots of punctuation, capitalization mistakes but its nice so far.
It's good...but seems a bit rushed... 4 outta five.
As much as I like fics with Lyra in 'em, I have to give this one a downvote. Maybe before continuing this story, you could take a look at some of the rules of writing? I think that they would do you wonders. As for the description part, you'll just have to keep working on it. You'll get better if you take your time to get better, by learning how to be better.
2565916 Yeah first one, kinda blank on ideas, but thanks! I appreciate the 4/5 rating!
2565904 Hey thanks dude! appreciate it!
I have to say it was quite a cute short story. It's only about one thousand words, I don't know why people are expecting so much. Good job!
2568529
Hey thanx dude Brohoof*
For your first fanfic, this was pretty good, it was short though
(Reads authors note) Good god, the author is starting to rage! Every pony take cover!!! D:)
Uh... you said, and I quote "your lips are locked with yours"
Gotta agree with Shadows, but still a nice first fic.
I find it sweet and not knowing much on Lyra's profile in the show keeps her open to fanfic ideas like this.
hey its okay to have a blooper from the mario series, you'd be amazed at how many crossovers he gets anyway, and from reading the word guitar I instantly knew the main character was a human.
A human with a cutie mark... This idea intrigues me! Please continue.
Don't let your head explode here! You'll get cerebellum everywhere!
2705506 how would you even do that?! XD
3982615 That is a good question. Clones? Hmm...