thekuzin
Joined 5th Apr, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Agri_Yob · 25k words · 888 47 · 16k views
- Grape-drink · 9.8k words · 285 53 · 8.4k views
- Rustic_King · 9.8k words · 42 17 · 989 views
- Aetherpony · 13k words · 278 15 · 5.5k views
- Drakvan · 17k words · 297 18 · 4.7k views
- KarlGaks · 3.1k words · 38 8 · 1.4k views
- Omega Dracomancer · 6.6k words · 384 56 · 21k views
- Cereal · 4.1k words · 106 21 · 5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.184 seconds
Total duration
976 users online
165,292 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A fleur de lis x human story with a mature tag? Hell yes! I can't wait for more
2502714 And you sir shall get more along the way
data.whicdn.com/images/48904992/Now-you-have-my-attention._large.jpg
Fleur is one my favorite oc and to have a romance fic with her in it is AWESOME!!!!
Not a bad start. Ever since I
wrotestarted writing my Fleur x Human story, these seem to be popping up like weeds (not a bad thing, mind you).Hand-waving first-contact is
alwaysusually a good thing, considering this is a romance story, but I would suggest getting an editor to help you hammer out a few minor punctuation, syntax, and grammatical hiccups.That, and switching between second and third-person was a tad confusing, and a bit put-offish.
Other than that, best of luck!
Verrrrrrrry insterting story can't wait to read more of this.
I think the biggest thing you should look at is the transitions between 2nd person and 3rd person perspectives. We can't get in to the character of "you" if the story keeps breaking away to show what other characters are doing when you aren't around. In my opinion things like why Fluer was asking you to accompany her should be explained to you in your presence, not by a cutaway scene that you aren't privy to. That kind of change will also allow for more character interaction too!
TLDR version; pick either 2nd person or 3rd person and stick to it.
Ah, I always enjoyed the few Fluer x Human fics I've read.
This Time Lord will be keeping his eye on this one.
2503735
I can assume you've read my story, then?
2503818
You would assume correctly.
2503976
Don't hold back in your honest feelings about it, either. I know it sucks, but it's my first ever creative writing endeavor.
2504039
I won't insult in any way as to say it sucks. But I will spare a few words on it.
2503719 I can understand that one man, I'll try to do better on the upcoming chapters. Thanks for the input bro.
Eh, to be honest?
If the human (Anon?) blew Fleur off with a 'thanks, but no thanks', causing her to trot off in disbelief and annoyance at being rejected, I'd be more interested - especially if she kept shooting him intrigued looks in the meantime.
His character feels really...beta-like at the moment. Not all that interesting.
If you're going for the 'good things happening to the average guy' angle, it would work - if it wasn't set in a land of pastel coloured equines.
That's a game changer for many atypical storylines.
» Mike
Well you have my interest in this story. Fleur is one of my favorite background/one episode characters.
2504249
It's not just upcoming chapters. You might think about revamping your first chapter because that's the one that will get the most reads, and the one that will make or break your story for many people.
Good story, you got my interesting, but you should re read your chapter before publish them, you repeat words, constantly and where they didn't belong. So by a little careful there, beside that and the 2do, and 3rd person subject everything looks good, with the exception of one little thing.
Your character, said that every mare has make a mockery of him, in the past, that Fleur do the same, will not make him, I don't know, a little mad. I just saying a mare playing you for dump again, and assuming that you will cooperate in a heart bit, yeah I will be a little mad. You know what could make it more understanding, you put her a condition, to see if she is speaking the true, and to see if she is different from the others snobbish mares.
P.S: In this word Fancy Pants is her husband?
time for our friend here to visit RaRITY
2506088 Yeah I can see that, I Like the idea of putting her through a test or something like that, and as to your question at the bottom, no he's not her husband, Fancy pants is just her modeling agent.
2507124
Got it, and if you like I can suggest what test your character can make to see if she is true to her word
2506791
That's funny, I did that in my story...
read later when more chapters are added
2503493
What they said.
I can't say that I've read a Fleur de lis X anyone story. Time to change that.
i.qkme.me/3smm2m.jpg
oh i love Fleur de lis fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/121/2/2/fleur_de_lis__my_little_pony_by_dreampaw-d4y9fmv.jpg
2507156 oh, and was she kind to you?
2509803 I agree with you. Only other Fleur de Lis story I found was one where she pretty much cheated on Fancy Pants and whored herself out.
2511030 Yeah, but Rarity is better. Just my opinion here
2511263 oh yes rarity is lovely and i really like her nightmarity lookderpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDQvMDIvMDlfNTJfMDFfMzUzXzI4NjAyM19fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfcmFyaXR5X2FydGlzdF9nbGFuY29qdXN0aWNhci5qcGVnIl1d/286023__safe_rarity_spoiler-comic_cover_artist-glancojusticar_515833eea4c72dd83700106e_5158ad177f123b1fcd0002fb.jpeg
2511274 quite true. *looks at pic* Dayum, that is a good look for her. She looks more elegant that way.
2511259
Very.
I'd tell you more, but you could read my story to find out for yourself...
2511293 What's the name? I'll give it a look.
2511299
Wilted Flower
2511312 got it, thanks. I'll take a look at it when I get a chance.
2503493 Are you going to continue with your story anytime soon?
2512643
I'm in the process of polishing off chapter 5 as I write this comment. I finally got my motivation back, and with the help and input of my proofreader, it's on track to be published
2512652 AWESOME! can't wait to read it!
It's got its problems, but it has a lot of potential, too. Mostly it's little things like using incorrect or awkward wording.
I look forward to seeing how this will progress.
Woo moar
I won't say it's the best story I've ever read,but it's got potential; if you develop this into a full fledged romance I think it will be really rather good.
KEEP THEM COMING PLS
Star Wars may have taught the virtue that prequels are necessary and roper build-up takes, but my god, Hayden Christensen's acting needed work.
Crotch* not crouch.
Hmmm, I'm still curious about how he believe this one will be different? did the other 5 didn't give him an address? Also, his friend is not concern? He said he already have being dump 5 times, I will it though he will have his doubts, specially since we are talking about a super model. You know how the snobbish are in Canterlot, and Fleur sounds to be the highest of all the snobbish bitches after Blueblood.
I know she isn't but so far we have no proves that she is being honest. And our protagonist has more than one reason to not trust her…Oh well, I will blame that he was thinking with the other brain, hey he has being…what? 2 years without any intimate female contact? a guy has needs.
2538109
Why are you on every story I happen to be reading?
2550668
Because I hardly read anything other than m/f romance fics seriously that's all I read unless I find something interesting like the awesome new gears of war fic other than that romance is were you will see me.
2550743
I know that feel bro
Ha
global3.memecdn.com/Dear-Life-When-I-Asked-If-My-Day-Could-Get-Worse_o_101143.jpg
Please write more this is very enjoyable
2574211 That is Excellent!