Maud and Discord sitting in a tree n-o-t-h-i-n-g. That's what happens, nothing else to see here. But seriously, Pinkie Pie ends up calling her Sis down to Ponyville to have a little meeting with the lord of chaos. What could happen? (Not a Discord/Maud ship fic.)

"Cloud Nine: guard, pegasus, and not much else" these were the words he often used to describe himself in his head. For years he had followed a simple routine, wake up, eat, go to work, be bored at work, go home, wish other ponies talked to him, go to sleep. But with the sudden appearance of a being that he has no clue who, or what, is, everything changed

Note: added sex tag so nobody could complain about any dirty jokes or euphemisms I use.

Also added comedy tag 'cause apparently some people find my dreadful jokes amusing.

She was one of the best. Loyal, powerful, unbreakable. That was until the love burst ended the invasion of Canterlot. One of queen Chrysalis' personal guards, after flying over half of Equestria tossed by the blast, lands inside enemy territory. Crippled, and defenseless, can she fool the ponies around her long enough to sink her fangs into their necks? Will that even be an option? Is she even half as good as she thinks?

Unfortunately, with her eyes wounded beyond repair, she has to rely only on her ears to escape her predicament.

Cover is a beautiful fanart by CitreneSkys / PaintedSNEK
(Just a little experiment in a purely dialogue-based story. As usual, comments, criticism, suggestions, or anything really is encouraged if it's constructive.)

Semper Pie is one of Equestria's most honored and decorated soldiers. Protector of the innocent, hero of countless battles, champion of all ponykind. Even Shining Armor, ex-Captain of the Royal Guard, and Prince Consort to the Crystal Princess, looks up to this great stallion. Truly one of the best and greatest ponies to have ever served under the Royal Sister's banner.

Still, where did he come from? Where was he born? What has he done? Does he have any family? Why would he suddenly want to come to Ponyville?

And why, for the love of Celestia, does he specifically want to meet with the Element of Laughter herself?