This isn't where I belong. I left all this behind years ago, moved on with my life. But a mare from my past brought me back, and now she won't let me go. So I'm stuck here, trying to make the best of it with ponies that don't understand me, don't even like me. But when something moves in the darkness, and when things go wrong in the cold, dead night, they'll turn to me to try to set things right.

Why? Because once a police pony, always a police pony.
~~
This is a spin-off story to 'Why am I Pinkie Pie?!', and will contain spoilers for that story, but it's not necessary to read that story to understand this one.
Cover art by the talented Conicer
Need more Cinnamon Swirl? Merlos the Mad wrote a fanfic of this story!

There is now a side-story: A Hard Day's Nightmare Night

"My name is Lyra Heartstrings, and you will not remember me. You won't even remember this conversation. Just like with everypony else I've ever met, everything I do or say will be forgotten. Every letter I've written will appear blank; every piece of evidence I've left behind will end up missing. I'm stuck here in Ponyville because of the same curse that has made me so forgettable. Still, that doesn't stop me from doing the one thing that I love: making music. If my melodies find their way into your heart, then there is still hope for me. If I can't prove that I exist, I can at least prove that my love for each and every one of you exists. Please, listen to my story, my symphony, for it is me."

Cover pic by Spotlight: askspotlight.tumblr.com

Once upon a time there was a very lazy dragon who did not want to find a town to pillage.

So he decided to make one of his own.

Editors: Mitch H, Dlafrferg
Jake the Army Guy has done an amazing reading of this on YouTube
Excellent cover picture credit: Harwick on Fimfiction or Harwicks-art on Deviantart.com
Also, the Audio Project has done a reading of this and other stories on YouTube

She swore she'd left the life. She'd hung up her sunglasses and her rapier wit, trading it for a modest life of attempted world domination followed by a little redemptive pennance. But it was not to be.

With Equestria fallen to a second changeling invasion, and every one of their greatest heroes felled and imprisoned, it will fall to her to raise the mic and attitude once more.

The burn-meista is back.

Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns is famous across Equestria as a center of academic excellence. Only the best and brightest unicorns are offered places, selected by their academic merit, magical ability and passion for study. To make the admissions process as fair and reliable as possible, all candidates are given three exams by different teams of examiners, who then meet in private to decide which students are most deserving of a place.

Winner of the December 2014 Writeoff competition: Behind Closed Doors.

Screwloose, the notoriously screwy pony, has been getting better. She's been seeing a therapist, Dr. Hornwinkle, and he is pleased with her progress. She has been building relationships, fitting in, attending therapy sessions regularly, and speaking pony-speak instead of barking.

Dr. Hornwinkle suggests during one session that she tries dating, to see if she can finally integrate into pony society.

Alas, the pressure is too much and Screwloose suffers a bit of a relapse.

Applejack's life is turned upside-down after she suddenly inherits the full powers of a goddess. She insists that it isn't a big deal and that she's the same pony as always, just bigger. Meanwhile, everypony else starts making demands on her and placing expectations on the 'new princess'. When the constant stream of petitions and gawkers starts interfering with farm work, Applejack reacts a bit strongly. Luna, fearing the worst, is determined to rescue Applejack from corruption, further irritating the farm pony. Will Applejack accept her destiny, or is destiny what you make of it?

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria...

One week ago, Twilight Sparkle was crowned the fourth Princess of Equestria. Tonight, Ponyville hosts the 1003rd Summer Sun Celebration, and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna want a vacation. With two fine young princesses like Cadance and Twilight to take over for them, nothing could possibly go wrong.

(Title image hacked together from vectors by sakatagintoki117 and Chrome-MMVII.)

This is the story of a very ordinary pony's extraordinary day. Carrot Top and Derpy are good friends indeed, and sometimes friendship can lead to wonderful surprises. It can also lead to arguments, frustration, and general grumpiness, of course, and this story has all of those things as well. But mostly, this is a story about the day Carrot Top learned how to fly.

*****

Originally written for the Hearth's Warming Care Package contest. Many thanks to the contestants who commented on this story, to my EqD pre-reader, and especially to Sessalisk, for helping to polish this story to its present state. Cover art by the incomparable Elosande, used with permission.

Fanart here, courtesy of lalieri!

Audiobook here, courtesy of Deftfunk and Scribbler!

Now available in Spanish, courtesy of SPANIARD KIWI.