Chapter Thirteen: Phrike
Night Glider quickly regained her vigor over the next couple of days. Soon she was up to the task of moving about Celestia’s chambers and reminding her body of how to eat and so forth. Celestia would come into the chamber every so often and chat with Night, updating her on the current news and intrigue in the Unicorn courts. Most of this passed Applejack in a blur, only focusing in on a few moments and conversations, such as the one that was playing itself out in front of her now.
“Celestia, How can Queen Argent afford to humor such backstabbing nobles? Surely she could simply bring them in line like the pegasi do.” asked Night.
Celestia chuckled at her young protégée, “No, Night, each of the nobles has many ponies that are loyal to them alone, not to mention that some are quite powerful magi in their own right. The Queen on her own has maybe the power to crush one or two of the most powerful, but should she do so, then the queendom would be weak and defenseless against its enemies… Enemies like the pegasi. She is much better off using subtlety and mischief against them.”
“Then, where do you fit in? You surely have the power to bring them all in line.”
“I am not interested in ruling a bickering herd of unicorns, and I don’t think they would have me.” Celestia took a moment to swig from her stein. “Ahh, and anyways, I don’t like paperwork. I see myself as a protector of sorts, protecting the races from themselves and each other. The pegasi love me when I take their side. They shower me with praise and hail me as Sol Invicta and numerous other lovely epithets. Right now they haven’t forgiven me for thwarting their raid of Coltonville ten years ago, so, Sun-Nag I am.”
“Why do you live in Unicornia though? Isn’t that taking sides?”
“Yes, but I have a treaty with them. They have been experimenting with their control of the moon and wish my cooperation with the sun. It’s all very much over my head, complicated astrology. In return, they give me luxurious apartments and a nice pile of gold. All I have to do is follow the solar schedule they give me. No harm done in a few late days once in a while. It’s honestly been a nice vacation for the past decade or so.”
“That’s all you do!?”
“Aye! Grand, isn’t it?” Celestia grinned and quaffed the remainder of her drink.
***
Applejack interrupted Luna at this point. “Wuz she really that lazy?”
Luna grinned at Applejack, her eyes sparkling, “Yes, every bit. It can be hard to be ambitious for one’s self if one is immortal, and she was already ancient beyond memory even in those days. She was so much more fun back then too… But I digress, I’m telling thee this so thou canst know how I fell, and what once froze the heart of the very Sun.”
***
Over the next few weeks, Night slowly attempted to integrate herself into the unicorn court. The nobles had seemed pleasant enough at first meeting, but there was an undercurrent of disdain that ran through her interactions with them. It all finally bubbled to the surface when she accepted an invitation to dinner at Lord Heartstrings’ manor. Celestia had declined, not being fond of the stuffy pony, but encouraged Night Glider to go if she liked. “I can’t hold your hoof forever.” she’d said. Night had nervously arrived, fashionably late, at the small soiree wearing an expensive blue cloak that Celestia had purchased for her. The party was already in swing, and she could hear the laughter and merriment from outside. The hoofmare at the door let her in. As the timid alicorn entered, the room quieted immediately from a jovial roar to an expectant rustling. A rather flushed Lord Heartstrings stepped forward to greet her, a hoof thrown wide in welcome.
“And you must be the new-old-one we’ve been hearing about! What an amusing contradiction that is, yes?”
“Ahaha, yes. I can see how that is rather funny.” said Night, unsure how to react to the attention.
“Everypony can see how you are funny, my dear. Now, come take your place at this feast of proud unicorns!” He gestured at a small chair set at one end of the table.
“Th-thank you, I believe I will.” As she walked past her slightly tipsy host, he stumbled a bit and stepped on the corner of her cloak. The weak gold brooch at the front snapped off, letting the cloak fall behind her. She gasped at having thus been disrobed, her wings flaring out in embarrassment.
“Aha!” cried Heartstrings, “Perhaps you do not belong at this table of unicorns at all! Perhaps you are just a bull-headed pegasus under all that finery? I can understand why thou wouldst try to hide it. Thy own kind beat thee and left thee for dead. The filthy vultures don’t have any honor.” By this time the small crowd of nobles was laughing uproariously at her discomfort. Night cowered, unsure what to do or how to react. Seeing her thus in his power, Heartstrings continued mercilessly, physically poking at her to emphasize his points. “And what is this on thy flank? A cutie mark of the moon? Hah! It takes a hundred unicorns to muster the power to raise it. Thou must be a powerful magician indeed if thou hopest to wrest it from us. Here, a toast to thy power!”
He levitated a large glass from the table, in addition to the one already levitating near his head. “Here is thy glass,” He brought the cup over Night’s head and dropped it upon her. “What? Couldst thou not lift a single glass with thy magic? By what power dost thou propose to manage the skies? Mayhaps we could give thee proper motivation to try. Thy own mother cast thee out. I promise to cut her down as a favor to thee if thou canst shift the heavens. Simply touch the moon and I shall see her dead.” Night looked into her tormenter’s eyes at this. They were cold, hard and perfectly sober as they bored into her. She let out a tiny shriek of fear and ran crying into the night, the loud laughter of the party still ringing in her ears while the spilled wine mingled with her tears.
***
Celestia had been furious when she had heard, and swore to wage a war eternal against the despicable noble and his kin. After Night Glider had calmed down a bit she and Celestia had held a council of war to determine how to proceed. Celestia had given Night a crash-course in magic and crude animation. They sketched out their plans for the humiliation of the Heartstrings family in detail, but at the end, Celestia had frowned, unsatisfied. “It needs something more. These are all enough to drive a pony completely mad, but it needs a focus, something he can be truly terrified of…”
Night Glider looked up at her mentor expectantly. “Some sort of illusory monster perhaps? Something that lurks in the shadows after every prank? Something he can blame it on, but never find?”
Celestia grinned wickedly at that and glanced up at the vaulted ceiling. “I have just the thing, watch this.” She reared up on her hind legs and let out a burst of green flame from her horn that ran its way down her body. Her back straightened, making her massively tall, and her muzzle retreated into her face. Her back hooves grew a knobbly paw from the front and her forehooves grew little tentacles. Her face completely disappeared into blank whiteness while her mane and tail withered away into nothing. The now-hideous Celestia grabbed a black cloak from the closet and draped it about her shoulders menacingly. “What do you think?”
Night stared in horror before puking all over the floor.
Laughing, Celestia switched back to her normal self. “Haha! That will do swimmingly. The foal will be a gibbering wreck within a week.”
“Wh-what was that? And how did you do that?”
“Ancient magics, of a darker bent. It was something from my childhood, twisted of course to something more hideous. There were creatures, long ago, called humans. They were bipedal, tall as a minotaur. I was even friends with one. Her name was Megan. That was a creature from her nightmares…” Celestia trailed off, her mind lost in better times. After a moment, she shook herself and smiled wolfishly at Night. “Now! There’s a pony sleeping right now who does not deserve to sleep the sleep of the just. Let us relieve him of that burden.”
***
“Aw, come-on. Y’all can’t jest stop there!”
“Art thou sure? We were very unkind to him.”
“Eeyup, he deserved it. Ah wanna see him get whut’s comin’ to him.”
“Ok…”
***
It started simply enough. Two nights after the party a subtle glow of moonlight lit up the noble’s bedchambers as he was retiring to bed. Paying it no mind, he simply magicked the curtains shut. After a moment, he realized that the glow hadn’t diminished, except in the far corner of the room, where deep shadows were gathered. Slowly the light began to strobe across the room, and he caught a glimpse of something gaunt and white and impossibly tall standing in the darkened corner. Before he could make out its features, though, the room was pitched into complete darkness. Timidly he called out, “Hello?”
The dark answered him with a silence so profound that not even the servants downstairs could be heard as they prepared the house for the morrow. Whimpering, the noble cowered low in his blankets the rest of the night.
The next day, after a night of fitful sleep, he awoke to find his entire wardrobe missing. Not a scrap of clothing was anywhere. Grumbling, he headed down for breakfast in the nude. True, it wasn’t that scandalous, but it was disorienting when the hired help was better dressed than he was. Heartstrings gave his majordomo a stern talking-to about thieves and watchfulness and sat down to his morning oatmeal. Just as soon as he had lifted the first spoonful to his mouth and taken a bite, a massive, fuzzy, hoof-sized spider heaved itself from beneath the surface of his oatmeal and leapt upon the now-panicking Lord. It crawled wetly all over him as he and his servants tried to bat it off before it finally scuttled away towards the basement.
Morbidly curious, he walked over to the stairs and peered down them. Something scuttled in the dark. Finally he spotted the spider, a little shadow moving against the larger gloom. It scuttled into the middle of the room and onto a tall, motionless figure. A pale motionless figure. He slammed the door shut and hollered at his servants to head downstairs with lamp and knife to evict the stranger. When they got down there, the room was empty, all save for a little trail of oatmeal that wandered into the middle of the room and simply vanished.
The rest of his day at the palace of Queen Spira went smoothly, other than the quiet sniggers he got for walking about unclothed in court. With some trepidation, he headed home to find the house in good order. The mood at dinner was tense and somber. Every dish was carefully tested by the head chef before being placed in front of Lord Heartstrings. The complete lack of a surprise was terrifying, every moment he kept looking over his shoulder, expecting to see that thing again. He ate quickly and lightly, taking only a few bites of every dish offered to him. Finally, he excused himself from the table. Beckoning to his majordomo, he instructed that a servant be posted in his room all night with a candle. At that moment, all of the mage lights and lamps on that floor were extinguished all at once. The only light came from his butler’s horn as he held a dish in his magic. In a moment that faded also as the butler fainted clean away. His light had illuminated a strange, faceless figure beside him.
There was a mad dash for the stairs onto the second floor, ponies trampling each other in their haste to flee. Heartstrings lead the charge. The lights continued to vanish one by one, the darkness chasing him into his chambers. He slammed the door behind him, narrowly missing his majordomo as he also leapt inside. Outside it had started drizzling rain and the sky was thick with clouds. A flash of lightning lit up the outside. The fear-addled pony crept up to the window, peering outside. In the darkness, he could just make out a bundle of sticks tied into an effigy of a pony. It was wearing one of his shirts. He glanced about, to the side was another effigy, wearing his best hat and monocle. He looked back to the first. It was now joined by another, wearing a sash. Everywhere he glanced, more and more of these strange ponnequins appeared. Soon the yard was full of them. They sat there for a moment, gazing reproachfully at him across the yard. Finally, one of them rose into the air, was crushed by an unseen force, and immolated in a cool, blue flame. One after another they were lifted, crushed and burned, adding a ghostly, intermittent luminance to the yard.
Lord Heartstring’s mind had already broken. He stared numbly out at the burning array. Something else caught his eye. There. In the center of the yard. It was the slender beast. It stood there, heedless of the flames. It was wearing his finest jacket, ripped and warped to fit over the ghastly frame. Without inclining its blank head, it raised one hideous arm and pointed straight at him. Then, in front of his eyes, it vanished. A thud sounded behind him from the direction of his majordomo. He turned slowly. There it was, still pointing at him, the beast. Everything went black.
***
Applejack’s eyes twinkled, but she sat quietly after the vision ended.
“Applejack? Art thou alright? I knew it was too disturbing…”
Applejack turned to Luna, “Ah ain’t never seen somethin’ more beautiful happen to a more deserving pony in all mah days! Whut happened ta him afterwards?”
Luna smiled guiltily, “Well, he left the country the next day along with most of his household. The Heartstring name faded out of history for quite some time. Some of his descendants made it back to pony lands after the diaspora and unification. Celestia kept her vow, though.”
“Wait, her vow?”
“To wage an eternal war on them for my sake. No, it’s not what you’re thinking. She’s not vindictive enough to torture them for something their ancestor did. It’s a prank war. Ever since that day, the direct descendants of Lord Heartstrings have been plagued by occasional glimpses of strange, bipedal creatures that they can never catch. It’s silly and harmless, but she does it to remind me how much she cares, and how seriously she takes her word.”
“Heh, was that Celestia’s ‘rampage’? ‘Tain’t much in tha way a violent outbursts.”
“No, it was not. Her true wrath came soon afterwards though.”
There you have it. In one chapter I have given you Lazylestia, Trollestia, and Slenderlestia...
Yes, I know that Lord Heartstrings uses confusing double-speak, but that is intentional.
Super props to Quantum_Shift, he really helped with a sticky piece of dialogue.
See also: Relevant Blog Post
Finally, your comments are awesome. If you like/hate/are confused by what you are reading, let me know!
Huzzah! An update!
yay! new chapter
So that is why Lyra is obsessed with humans! I have no doubt whatsoever that Celestia would be genuinely surprised to see where her revenge has ultimately led!
th09.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/152/6/c/the_return_of_megan_by_csimadmax-d3hrt7g.png
Well....I hate that this fiction seems to be slowly descending into fan service....
We have Trollestia, Lazylestia and SlenderMan...did I mention how much I dislike Trollestia? And that's a sick thing she's doing to Lyra...really deviant.
Also, it seems like this story is being hijacked by the origin of the Princess'...and I don't know why you made them NOT be sisters. I really prefer them to be actual sisters.
Also, Celestia's being a real douche in these flash backs....
in the good aspects....it's written rather well...
I'm going to keep track of this, hoping it gets better, last thing we need is another The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo...two words:
Nymphomanic Cadence....
I really didn't mean this to become a rant, though, sorry about that
1646132 You've been planning this ;p
Lol slender man
Justice, I love it so much. I'm a little surprised Applejack didn't find it harsh though.
Poor Lyra too.
1646132
If someone introduced Humans into the FiM Canon and NOT as monsters, I would be ludicrously happy.
1646132
She brought a rifle, not six-shooters.
1646164
That's been continued in the writer's current fic, The God Squad. A piece of pure authorial awesomeness, if I do say so myself.
Speaking of authorial awesomeness, please, keep this up, Blue Print.
I approve of Evil Celestia
Yes, because having monstrous ghosts haunt an entire bloodline because grandpa was a dick... Actually strikes me as something Celestia would do.
1646430
Yes, TMSOOS is one of the funniest pieces in this fandom.
And this is awesome, author. Never stop being you.
1646132 My name is Phrike and I play Applejack as a jungler.
Sorry, it was just far enough from being too much of a stretch to resist...
Always happy to see Megan referenced in some way or another. :)
1646288
Can't a lady change her mind in what kind of firearms she wishes to use? Maybe using twin pistols is something she picked up recently and found she did better with them than she did with the rifle.
1646430 I'm sorry, but for me, making Cadence a sex-addict is disgusted and just all around gross...
1646563
Just read it. It is good.
1646083>>1646103>>1646134>>1646243 Yay!
1646129 Heh, in a way though, Lyra's fascination and Celestia's sasquatch-style haunting serves a purpose. In a roundabout way, it ensures that one of Celestia's oldest friends gets remembered, or at least her species.
1646132 I love that pic.
1646164 Well, thanks for being honest. To an extent, I agree with you. This story is getting sidetracked. There is a relevant blog post.
On the other hand, while I have never made a point of advertising it, this is my first ponyfic. For that matter, it's the longest piece of fiction writing I have ever attempted. I knew going into it that I would probably make mistakes in conveying what I wanted to. I am committed to the Luna arc at this point, to abort it prematurely would hurt the story more than to continue, and to rewrite what I have already posted would be a horrible sin. I hate authors who perpetually rewrite a half-finished story instead of just posting their best effort and seeing things through.
Finally, as to fanservice, I don't let fans, you or others, dictate what I write, and I never write anything that I don't personally think is good and enjoyable. I do, however, listen to honest advice, such as yours, and I take it seriously. Also, yes, TMSOS was gross.
1646259 Forget the humiliation. The guy threatened a girl's mother. Even if they are currently estranged, he got off easy.
1646278 For all the half-baked human in equestria fics that I have seen, only one or two have even tried to introduce them as a natural part of the setting. The Stranger and Her Friend is the best treatment I've seen of the idea. I recommend it highly.
1646288 I keep debating with myself whether or not I want to read that.
1646430>>1646506 I'll do my best!
1646474 Nono, this isn't Evil Celestia, just vengeful. Wait for the next chapter. She's different than you would expect.
1646495 If you think about it, her options are as follows:
1) Break a promise to her sister.
2) Actually terrorize the guy's descendants and make innocent ponies suffer.
3) Occasionally prank them lightly, keep the memory of a long-lost species alive, and keep her promise.
1646520 Hah, or should I say LOL? Megan would be best jungler.
1646532 Yeah, I like making shout-outs to the older toys and shows. A bit of history.
1646581 Well, thank you for being understanding.
I really didn't mean to sound rude.
And thank god I finally found someone who agrees with me about TMSOS
1646581
Interesting. Psychicscubadiver I believe is going to do a setting like that after he finishes his latest Dresden Fillies story, as shown in this blog.
It should be amazing.
I like the story so far, but I think it has lost a little pace, I would like AJ to wake up soon, and meet a friendly Mary May.
Also, it is obvious that AJ are going to become "Princess Gaia", I hope to see her coronation soon.
1646581
It is seriously good. Basically, the premise is that the princesses from Gen 1 are Celestia and Luna's parents (sorta), and in the 20-30 years since the rainbow-bridge broke, the entire history of Gen IV has occured, and Megan, Danny, and Molly have become mythical creatures to the ponyfolk. Twilight and RD reforged the connection by teleporting at the center of a rainboom, because dragon. And I haven't spoiled anything for you yet, as this is all backstory and chapter 1. :D
Doing the equivalent of dressing up as Bigfoot and messing with his descendants doesn't seem all that bad to me, a little unfair to them I suppose.
1646581 Not evil as in sun tyrant Corona evil but evil as in sending a flock of geese to say hi to Rainbow Dash when she's afraid of them evil.
Random human G1 reference go! Course it would be really awkward if a human just showed up one day and Lyra is all over the person and he doesn't know why.
1646495 It's something that I would do.
okay... slenderlestia is awesome. Good, clean, sisterly love that ends in somepony shitting themselves. A good, plausible tie-in to humans, one of the more plausible bridges into Equestria from Earth that I've seen. I'm now imagining a Lyra sidestory involving an odd, pale figure stalking her.
1646801 yeah, I, at least would make a terrible god (I play Old Testament style) but one would expect an ancient magic pony (who didn't evolve as an apex predator) to be a bit more merciful
I sort of like this interpretation of these two (Luna and Celestia). Friends part by fate and part by sympathy.
The G1 pony references raises more questions though. But come on, Slender Man isn't that scary just by physical appearance to make Luna puke (or was it something else?). He's scary (as shown) by being apparently everywhere and moving weirdly.
1646835 I guess she takes her promises seriously.
As for being a god I'd like to be the power behind the throne, not the one sitting on it.
1647091 when I say "Old Testament", I don't so much mean "ruling" as I do "smiting". Lots and lots of smiting
So Celestia knew Megan from Generation 1, who in turn was a frequent victim of Slender Man.
This is the best crossover idea I've heard.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-E_KSlkfJEvY/T9pxxdAvg2I/AAAAAAAADKI/ukA3IQIcsho/s1600/345fbdd4_Stephen-Colbert-Popcorn.gif
This chapter was great!
Nice to see some other sides of Celestia.
Slenderman! :D In Equestria no less. Is it good? VERY.
I just found this story and read them all.
Delicious, delicious world building! It's a bit rushed at the start, but just a bit, everything else is great!
The characters interacting, the world building, the scenes are well described. You know how to use them words well.
Twi and Rarity knitting was the kind of simple interaction that makes all the difference. It's a shame i can only upvote this once.
1646018 So is this your interpretation of why Lyra was obsessed with humans? Cause Slenderman resembles a human.
I thought a better reason for why Lyra believes in humans is that she's a huge mythology fan. Then again, if both of those were coupled together...
I would so love to see Celestia explain herself for these actions. "I was a thousand years younger back then! We all did crazy things when we were younger, right?"
1646018
I love Lazylestia.
Never liked the "ponies are post-human" approach, myself. Too dark and depressing. But meh, not too important. Poor Lyra, though.
1646018
Dear lord, slenderlestia, hoo rah. That was badass.
1646288
Those aren't six-shooters she's holding in that picture, They're semi-autos, more specifically, from they're looks, I would say they are Beretta 9mms.
--------------------------------
Anyways, another great chapter, although I never thought of AJ as much of a Prank lover, that seems more along the lines of Rainbow Dash or Pinkie. Then again, the jerk did deserve it.
Keep up the good work man. The only thing I could ask of you is if you could make the chapters a bit longer so I can enjoy your awesome writing skills more.
I've never really liked the idea of Humans in FiM, even as a Species that has long died out. It Takes away a degree of Seperation and somehow makes it less Magical. There's the possibility of become all about the humans, rather than all about the magical talking ponies. But I'm not complaining. It's your story and y'all should build the world the way you want.
1646619 I'd agree, I'm working on getting it rolling again. I tried something, it didn't work quite as well as I thought. Live and learn.
1646624 I'll put it on my list.
1646626>>1646649>>1646683>>1646801>>1646829>>1647396>>1647565>>1647576>>1647658 Yeah, it could be a little mean, but, then again, how many ponies can say they have been personally pranked by a goddess? Also, if you occasionally glimpsed a tall, thin being that went two legged, and you had a very similar being in legends, what conclusion would you draw? I don't think Lyra minds though.
1646952>>1647197 Thanks for the comments! I'd love to know what happened with Pinkie too, but so far she isn't telling. :P
1647268>>1647580 I'm firmly of the opinion that Lazylestia is Bestlestia.
1647667 Informative! Thanks, but short chapters mean I update fast and keep motivated. It's a tradeoff.
1647580>>1647837 I personally like the idea because it connects G1 with the rest. Whatever floats your boat. Also, no, I'm not making this story even remotely about humans.
1647939 Think nothing. I think I would play the primordial pony and just drop a deuce right where I stood.
1647192 Oh there would be smiting ... With meteors and earthquakes and other freaky unnatural disasters.
Huh. This is the first time I've run into Slenderlestia. Awesome.
Ehhhh the slender pony returns MAN I FREAKED OUT BY THE SLENDERMAN DON"T NEED NO SLENDER PONY 2