"The bloody Captain had me clean the Princess's private lavatory last night for smoking on duty. It doesn't seem bad I know, but given she had another one of her bloody cake binges last night... it took me hours to scrub that sh*t off the ceiling..."

Meet Copper Hand, a Private in the Royal Guard. (Not by choice.)

Take a journey into his life through his journal entries that detail the horror thrill there is to being one of Celestia's finest.

A simple series of short journal entries. Humanized ponies, rated teen for language and some sexual related comments.

Pre-read by RainbowBob and DVAN56 Edits done by Bad_Seed_72. Go give them some love!

Inspired by the art by the fantastic egophilliac, go check her art out and her awesome blog!

Evenings in Ponyville were usually pretty uneventful. Ponies would be going home, stores would be closing down, and, for today, the local fair would be winding to a close.
So imagine their surprise when a few random buildings in town are blocked with metal doors all of a sudden. And then a group of six strange creatures suddenly show up in the middle of town. But that's nothing compared to the things that attack the creatures right after their arrival...

Something I wanted to get out of the way for a while. Heavily inspired by this story, which you should read instead of this mess of words thrown at a word processor.

Anon goes to use the public restroom, only to discover the lack of urinals. This confuses him. Potty talk ensues.

Pre-Read and heckled by FlutterPriest and The Skeetster,

Now translated to Chinese by Dreams Set Free! Thanks a lot!

"You" are Anon, and you can't understand a bloody thing these little horses are saying. It doesn't help that you're only ten. Oh well, at least they're nice. Especially the queen horse, Celestia. At least that's what you think her name is. Anyway, she's awfully cuddly, always hugging you or some such. Honestly it's nice and all, but you are starting to wonder just why she is so affectionate...

Was bumbling around /mlp/ and made a thing. You might enjoy it, you might not, it's here either way.

*EDIT* Now with sequel: Bridging Words.

Featured May 10 2016, thank you so much!

Everypony knows that Roseluck grows the tastiest roses in Equestria. When a rogue batch has a bit too much Earth pony magic pushed into it, Roseluck finds that she's created a new form of magic!

And we all know what happens next.

In a world where ponies and humans coexist in what can hardly be classified as harmony, Canterlot's daily regime is interrupted when one of these controversial creatures falls out of the sky and, to his surprise, doesn't die. This man seems to be the same as the rest, and calls himself "George Trestale". However, through a complete accident, George discovers he's developed magical abilities far beyond anything he could imagine. Unfortunately for him, almost none of them work correctly, and on top of that, he has no idea who he is or where he came from.

Thinking himself to be a god, and wanted by Celestia on the sole pretense of being human, our main character is tasked with running from the authorities, finding out what sort of power he's supposed to have, and most importantly, discovering who on earth he even is. Such begins the story of George Trestale, the unluckiest "god" in Equestria.

Rated Teen for some violence and language.

~ Edit From the Future! ~
This was my first remotely successful story, and as a result it's not exactly all that good, nor is it representative of my current writing ability. You can of course read it if you want, just expect things to be somewhat sloppily executed.

Sometimes we set our sights on doing something so much, that we become blind to what is happening in the here and now.

Meet Jack Taylor, a brother, son, and self-defined psychic. Jack is about to begin a long ordeal in humility and perseverance, one he may not very well survive without some friends, which is something that’ll be hard as a mare named Berry Punch.

General story content and reasons for all tags below the break, which will spoil some of the story, but will also give you a good idea of what you are getting into. Massive spoilers in additional tags.

• PoV - Deep First Person: Focus will be on the protagonist for all story arcs. There will be, unless my pre-readers stop me, a single short interlude chapter between each arc focusing on another character in the story.
• Sex Tag: General acknowledgment of gender, allusions, innuendo, and situations. May venture into, but not describe, sexual acts. This story will never move to mature nor contain clop.
• Gore Tag: Nothing excessive in the story yet, but some things will happen at the end of the first arc which will require the tag. None of the gore will be described in any graphic detail and will stay well within the teen rating. Will warn about the gore in an author's note at the start of the chapter it happens in so that readers who read this story before this tag was deemed necessary will not be caught off guard.
• Alternate Universe Tag: Both the human world and pony world are AUs.
• Dark Tag: Story isn't excessively dark and will never be, but this tag is here for the darkness ready to come up from below the surface. Don't worry about encountering much death in this story since it'll be minimal to non-existent.
• Drama Tag: Expect a lot of dialogue since most of the action is going to social interaction, though there will be some physical action.
• Human Tag: Pony turned human through mind/soul swap. You will see physical humans through memory dreams and a couple visions, but the protagonist human will be the main focus.
• OC Tag: The only major OC in the story so far is an umbra (shadow pony)/earth pony hybrid named Due Process, but more will follow.
• Berry Punch Tag: The protagonist is thrown into her life and has to live with her reputation.
• Other Tag: Currently for Surprise, who in this AU is one of the Mane6 in place of Pinkie Pie since she is a major character.
• AU Changes Tags: Pinkie Pie replaced by Surprise. Surprise is characterized like a toned-down Pinkie Pie and offers her own brand of strangeness. Adult Spike Through Duplication of Twilight's Age and Mind at Hatching, Applejack's Parents are Alive, Fluttershy is an Earth Pony, Fluttershy is an Orphan, Fluttershy Adopted into Apple Family, Alternate Element Loadout, Alternate Mane Six, Alternate History, Alternate Applejack Parents
• Content Tags: Alcohol Use, Confusion, Damaged World, Disbelief, Dreams, Genderbent, Genderbender, Genderswap, Human in Equestria, Human in Pony, Lies, Loss, Male to Female, Memory Loss, Mind Swap, Mistaken Identity, Overwear, Incredibly Rational Protagonist, Religious Concepts, Reliving Memories, Rule 63, Secrets, Single-Minded Protagonist, Soul Swap, Suffering
• Additional Character Tags: Seven Deadly Sins, Envy, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Pride, Sloth, Wrath

This story is a sequel to The Origin Of Sunbutt

Twilight Sparkle now knows how Celestia got the nickname 'Sunbutt', thanks to Luna — but when Celestia finds out, she decides to even the score.

After all, she isn't the only one with an embarrassing nickname and a story to tell, even if both were borne of tragedy...

While talking to Princess Twilight Sparkle, a Royal Guard refers to Princess Celestia as 'Sunbutt'. He is quick to explain how he came to learn of the nickname, and suggests that Twilight should talk to Princess Luna.

So she does, whereupon she finds that Luna is all too happy to share a story with her...

This story is a sequel to The Origin Of Moonbutt

Twilight Sparkle is now aware of Princess Celestia's nickname being 'Sunbutt,' and Princess Luna's nickname being 'Moonbutt.'

But the answer to one question still eludes her: Does Cadence have a nickname?

With this in mind, she decides that maybe it's time she paid her dear sister-in-law a visit...

(Takes place before Season 6. Reading the prequels is not required.)