Paul's Monday Reviews VI · 9:27pm Mar 30th, 2015
After a delightfully productive weekend accompanied by the awesome news of Of Angels being story #5 of mine to get into EqD, it's time to kick back and do some reviews. It's getting to the point where I'm really looking forward to these. Anyway, this time we've got a few thought-provokers, including two taking on the exact same topic. It's been a curious week, to say the least.
Rating System (Best to Worst)
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 2
Not Bad: 0
None: 0
Stories for this Week
Little Deceptions by Taranth
Applejack Goes To Magic School For Some Reason by JasonTheHuman
Allure by TheSlorg
Forever Young by Hyperexponential
Dearest Fluttershy by Terrasora
Little Deceptions does a lot of interesting things, and I honestly had no idea what I was getting into when I started it. I just knew it came highly recommended. It does a few things that I normally don’t like, particularly in its style. For once, I don’t care. This is a story that knows what it’s trying to do and exactly how to do it. It’s smart, it’s brief and it proves that even something normally considered ‘wrong’ can be right.
The story takes place in two concurrent sessions. First, we have Blank Slate – a professional thief – in an interrogation room. He’s just given himself up after abandoning a plan to rob from the Canterlot Royal Vaults, and has decided to explain to the interrogator exactly how he intended to do so and why he’s surrendered himself to the authorities. This section plays out via ‘talking heads,’ which would be a big mistake in the hands of an author who doesn’t know what he was doing.
Taranth knows what he’s doing.
No kidding, this is some of the best use of talking heads I’ve ever seen. Kudos for making it work. I don’t know if my own attempt in Of Angels was this good, but one can hope.
The second part is the actual story Blank Slate is telling the interrogator, detailing everything about his scheme. This was wonderfully done, having a distinct ‘Ocean’s 11’ feel to it as Blank Slate goes through the motions slipping past every defense Canterlot Castle possesses. It was fun, it was creative, and it also gives some really strong arguments for certain questionable elements of the Royal Guard, such as why they are all the same color and appearance.
Yet I should add a bit of warning. Simply put, Blank Slate’s plan is complex, a bit convoluted, and leaves plenty of room for something to go wrong. Nothing does, obviously, and therein lies the issue. If you want to believe the events of this story, you do have to suspend your sense of belief by quite a stretch, and for some it might be too much. If you really like the idea of imaginative, complicated plans, though, then this should be right up your alley.
The entire story plays out as a bit of back-and-forth between the actual interrogation and Blank Slate’s story. Normally, I really don’t like little snippets of text between sections, but Taranth played the game well. And then it all concludes in a short final chapter, which contains an entirely unexpected and wholly awesome twist. When I read it, the story was made. I loved everything about Little Deceptions and would recommend it as a textbook example of how to take the typically bad and make it good.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
JasonTheHuman specifies in this story’s description not to take it seriously. That’s some good advice right there, and I followed it to the letter.
This story is exactly what it says on the tin. For reasons unknown, Applejack somehow ends up being accepted in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Thanks to her constantly wearing her hat, nopony at the school is aware that she’s not a unicorn. The story follows a series of ridiculous events in which poor filly Twilight Sparkle casts powerful spells on accident, but Applejack always ends up in just the right place to be given the credit (even by Twilight herself, who is unaware that she’s actually responsible). Is the premise dumb? Absolutely, especially when you watch AJ’s and Twilight’s professor freaking out about Applejack’s incredible ability to lift a quill on her first try when all she really did was crack open a window.
Eventually, Applejack’s blatant lack of a horn is found out and the mistake is rectified, but we get an amusing little anecdote about how Twilight refuses to speak to AJ once she moves to Ponyville. It does beg the question of who the Element of Honesty would be in that case, but we don’t have to worry about it because, let’s face it, it’s not like this story was ever meant to make sense.
If you like stories that are just plain dumb – but well written – you’ll enjoy this one. If you want your humor to be more intelligent, it may not be for you. I tend to lean into the latter, so I can’t really rate it too highly, but I’m sure there are plenty of people who will consider it comic gold.
Bookshelf: Worth It
After my generally negative review of TheSlorg’s Surface Deep, he suggested I try his far more recent Rarity-centric story, Allure. Because I don’t usually get direct suggestions/requests from authors, I decided to push the story up on my RiL. I have to admit, the differences between the two stories are like night and day.
Gone are the overly-telly lines, the excessive descriptions and the immaturity. The writing was very clean and tidy, and for that I am most pleased. I consider this a huge step up from what Surface Deep was. Far more befitting an EqD pre-reader.
In Allure, we get a flawed but self-aware Rarity who becomes tempted by an ancient book that promises to keep her young and beautiful for a set time… provided she sacrifices an equal amount of time from her overall lifespan. Here TheSlorg takes a turn very different from what most writers would offer, for rather than jumping at the opportunity, Rarity takes the time to seriously think on the consequences of the book’s offer.
Here’s something you don’t see every day: a Rarity who is aware of her weaknesses and flaws, and who understands the fragile, temporary nature of youth and beauty. The story acts both as a minor study of Rarity’s identity and a philosophical inspection of the concepts of beauty in general. The entire story felt so very Rarity, portraying her at her best and worst.
Allure is exactly what I had been hoping Surface Deep would be: a look at who Rarity really is and a proper treatment of her as a character. My only complaint about Allure is that it strikes me as too short. With my “Go Big or Go Home” motto, I can’t help thinking that the concepts and philosophical study present in this story didn’t go far enough. Even so, for what it is I highly approve.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
The concept is as old as dirt: if you had the chance to obtain immortality, would you take it? Another concept is just as old: is immortality a blessing or a curse? Forever Young seeks to explore these concepts, and in this particular element I admit my disdain. I generally prefer stories that explore original ideas or approaches, not things we’ve all seen a million times.
But where Forever Young fails horribly in creativity, is wins completely in terms of delivery. The general idea is that Discord, not wanting to lose his only friend, grants an unwitting Fluttershy eternal youth and immortality. Although I find his ability to do that questionable, this is Discord we’re talking about; who knows the limits of his powers? The story starts with Fluttershy realizing that her friends are aging while she’s not, and she thus confronts Discord about the situation.
It is an interesting coincidence that right after reading Allure – in which Rarity ponders the concepts of fleeting beauty and remaining young – Forever Young has Fluttershy promptly go to visit Rarity to discuss the matter of immortality’s virtues and vices. Were they written by the same author, I’d almost call Forever Young a spiritual sequel to Allure. The authors should seriously consider linking their stories, because it really did feel like a perfect case of continuation when Rarity wisely lists all the potholes in immortality and why she would never want it.
Fluttershy goes on to reject Discord’s offer. In response, Discord too rejects immortality, and so the two of them grow old together. The story is touching and heartfelt, displaying a very realistic and affectionate look at the entire debate. I am partially disappointed that their inevitable ends were handled via exposition rather than a more direct scene, but maybe that’s for the better. Seeing Discord weep over Fluttershy would have been a powerful moment, but perhaps it would also have been too easy – a sucker punch, if you will. Knowing that the ending isn’t at all like I would have written it, I am still satisfied with the overall results.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
What is it this week with alicorns, philosophy and the DiscoShy concept? Luck of the draw, I suppose. Or maybe I was just in a certain mood when picking these stories months ago.
Dearest Fluttershy is another story that focuses on Discord’s relationship with Fluttershy and her inevitable death. In this version, Discord decides to take a nap that ends up lasting sixty-three years. To Discord, this is no big deal – he’s immortal, after all, and time has no meaning to him. The first thing he does upon waking is visit Princess Twilight, who has the unfortunate task of informing him that he missed Fluttershy’s death by a mere four days. The story thus revolves around his reaction.
Terrasora takes an approach to this story that I’ve not actually seen before, one in which Discord has no concept of what death really is. In the world of Dearest Fluttershy, he views death as a choice one makes rather than something inevitable, and death never occurs to an important pony. It takes time for him to grasp that mortal ponies have no choice in the matter. His first response is to try to revel in his newfound freedom from the Elements of Harmony, but before long his grief begins to take over. In the end we discover that Discord has never actually lost a friend before, and has no idea how to cope.
The story wins points for taking an original view of the subject, particularly how Discord sees things as an immortal. Even so, some of the concepts don’t make much sense to me, and that hurt my enjoyment of the story. I find it hard to believe that Discord doesn’t understand death, given that at his age he surely witnessed what happens to mortals over time – although I will grant that we don’t know anything about Discord’s time before his petrification, and for all we know he was very young at the time. And while I’ll grant that Discord himself acknowledges never having a friend, it begs the question of where he comes from; did he just come into existence all of a sudden, or did he have parents? I’d like to think the latter, although I’ve seen plenty of stories go the former route.
Don’t get me wrong. Dearest Fluttershy is a good story. It’s not amazing, but it definitely holds up to scrutiny. I think most people – at least, most people who aren’t tired of the ‘pitfalls of immortality’ theme – will thoroughly enjoy it. In my case, there were so many unanswered questions that I focused a lot more on them than on the subject of the story, so I didn’t get out of it what Terrascora undoubtedly intended for me to.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Passing the Time by Rinnaul
Schemering Sintel by N00813
The Pinkie Paradox by SpaceCommie
What's This? by Harmony Charmer
Siren Song by GaPJaxie
God I love Applejack Goes to Magic School. :D
You want stories to compare and contrast? Try The Keepers of Discord by Hoopy McGee and I Am Chaos by Feather Sigil.
One is really good, and one is really meh. I won't say which. But the difference in their execution of trying to get into the head of Discord and making him sympathetic are on the polar opposite ends of the spectrum.
Also I'm always intrigued to hear your opinions on stories that I've read previously. I didn't much care for Little Deceptions. But you have it on your highest bookshelf. I read GaPJaxie the riot act on the first couple chapters of Siren Song, and you thought it had "great atmosphere."
2926433
Leh sigh, two more added to my RiL. You are the greatest offender when it comes to that, y'know?
And that's because the atmosphere was great. I saw your whining about the image not being clear when Siren was fleeing for her life, and I find it totally unfounded. In fact, there was a more recent scene I read, the one with the guards fighting security, that I considered far too detailed in comparison to the previous fight. Don't get me wrong, I think detail in an action scene can be a big boon and personally prefer it for my own writing, but there's also a value in going the panicky, not-everything's-clear oh-my-God-what-do-I-do route. It's an evocative style that really nails down the horror of a rookie/innocent like Siren, bringing home the total chaos running through her mind. It made the scene that much more exciting and perhaps even intimidating.
It wasn't cold, hard fact but lightning rod, unfiltered emotion. That's not something a lot of people can capture well, and it particularly suited Siren Song's mental state. Knowing how much detail to apply to a scene is an art form in and of itself. I felt that GaPJaxie hit it just right in those first two chapters.
PS – the only reason I didn't delve deeper into this when I read your commentary before is because I was reading at work and couldn't afford to make a lengthy argument at the time.
Ha! The way you spoke of these fics you'd think they all released on almost the same day. xD
Forever Young, yeah. He was really smitten by that artwork. It's still my favorite Fluttershy and Discord moment to this day even. With the way you spoke of Allure, I all but have no choice but to read it now.
It's a shame that I couldn't convince Hyper to release his first story, I suppose it's pretty much been years now but it involved Pinkie's last favor to her friends given to them after her death. It even had poison ivy. Poor RD. It was rather relaxing and entertaining of a read. I wish I could convince him to at the very least release the story as is, as opposed to rotting away in gdocs forever more. Maybe others might be able to motivate him, long as no one tries to make him change that one dramatic Rainbow Dash scene, that is flawless as is.
Nice reviews, going to go read me some Allure if you think the two are that well connected to each other.
P.S. How do you go about selecting these stories for review?
3060517
It just struck me as an interesting coincidence, the way Rarity was used in both stories. By all means, read them side-by-side and see if the connection is only in my head.
As to my selection process... it may be appropriate to say there isn't one. If I read a story, I will review it, regardless of why I chose to read it. Some stories just catch my eye, others are recommended to me. Sometimes I go looking for unknown writers with little-known stories and read them just for the sake of giving said authors a chance at the spotlight... although that usually leads to more misses than hits. I tend to avoid what comes down the Featured Box unless the story's been recommended to me by a friend.
If you check my bookshelves, you'll notice my "To Read List." Every story that I decide I want to look at gets added to the list, and I always read the stories in the order that they are added – although I do bump stories up in the rare instance that it's requested. I also have a hidden 'review schedule' which I tend to stick to, so requests are always bumped to after whatever is currently scheduled.
My only other golden rule is to never have more than two stories by the same author in the RiL at once. This can be rather tricky to police and I've inadvertently broken it more than a few times, but it's my method of keeping the RiL from exploding into having 1,000+ stories at once.