Two friends end up in Equestria. One loves it, and the other hates it. Will their friendship survive?
Two friends end up in Equestria. One loves it, and the other hates it. Will their friendship survive? A shameless self-insert featuring a transgender mare and her cynical friend.
I felt the solid ground, but my head still felt like it was spinning. I opened my eyes with a groan. There it is, the spinning earth. Except really, really bright green. I could make out a blurry tree, swirls of blue and green. I assume that was the sky and a grassy hill. The sun must have come out. But how’d we end up outside?
“M-m-m–Robin?” I tried asking. That was weird. My voice sounded weird. I tried clearing my throat.
I turned my head and saw a black pony billboard next to me. He kind of looked like Matt’s OC. Maybe that’s why I accidentally said Robin instead. It looked a lot like his OC. Same peanut brown mane, and crystal blue eyes. It almost looked like it was moving, looking itself over with a concerned look.
My vision settled, and multiple things occurred to me at once: First, everything was a hyper-saturated pastel, secondly, the billboard was Robinwind, even down to the grey star on his muzzle. Thirdly, it wasn’t a billboard; it was moving.
I shot up. But something was wrong. My legs didn’t respond the way I expected, and my arms felt like they bent oddly, yet my head lifted up higher than I expected. A yellow lock on hair fell into my sight, obscuring the worried looking charcoal-colored pony in front of me.
I looked down. My eyes were met with two baby blue hooves resting upon the green, butterscotch cream curls dangling down. And I could just make out a blue protrusion where my nose ought to me.
At this point, I knew what had happened. A part of me understood it completely. Of course, we’ve been turned into ponies. Not just that, but our OC’s! Yet the rational side of me rejected the idea. Whatever part of our brain that understands the basic laws of nature, the part that tells us ‘you are you, and I am me, and that person is that person,’ simply couldn’t process it. A fundamental rule had been broken. The sort of rule I had to accept when I realized as a child that I wouldn’t become a DigiDestined and no magic ring would ever be gifted to me, by uncle or alien. It was sort of like that feeling you get when someone very close to you has died, and for a full month, even though you know they're gone, your brain just won’t accept it and keeps wondering why they’re late for dinner.
I lifted my front side and leaned back, plopping into a sitting position, without looking up. The cartoon blue noodles obeyed me. I lifted both front legs to frantically inspect both of them. My eyes darted back and forth, desperately trying to understand the simple fact that I was looking at. Oddly, it seemed like I could see really clearly, almost like they were closer to my head then I thought there were. Wait, were they?
But I was distracted by my dangling hair. Hair. My hair. Wait, did that mean… Warmth flushed to my cheeks.
“Am-m I a g-girl?” said a quiet cute voice. I was the one asking the question.
“No, no, no,” whimpered a different voice. I looked over to my black-furred companion. My friend. He dropped to the ground and covered his gigantic eyes with his hooves. “Tell me this is a dream. I died and went to purgatory. Why am I a horse? I don’t want to be a horse!” His voice wasn’t much different from before. Maybe a tad deeper? No, there was an edge to it, a subtle rasp that had been absent previously.
“M-m-m-m-Robinwind!” I called out. Why can’t I say his name? “M-m-m-m-m-Robinwind!” Again? “What?”
He uncovered one eye with his hoof. “No. no. Go away. I don’t want this.”
I stomped my right front hoof. “M-m-Robin! It’s me! And you… we’re ponies!” I said with a cheer.
He uncovered both of his eyes and looked up with a most glum expression. I smiled a little.
“I–I’m Lilyheart, right?” I asked.
He frowned. “An-n-n-n-n-Lily? What? An-n-n-n-n-Lil-no-n-n-n-Lilyheart! What?”
“I can’t say your name either. Maybe we can say our own? My name is Lilyheart!” I blinked. “That’s not what I meant to say.”
Matt began a cough stutter. “M-m-m-Robin! My name is Robinwind! No! M-m-Robin! No!”
He covered his eyes again and began rolling about in the grass. “Why am I a horse? I don’t want to be a horse! This is a dream. This is a dream. Please, God, please let this be a dream. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Hail Mary, full of grace…”
This continued for the next several moments while I watched. Soon, I tried lifting up my back legs. The motion caused me to shake. But somehow, the moment I began getting up, I felt a strength in my legs. Like springs pushed in, ready to bounce over a roof. There was an energy, and solidiness within my legs which the shakiness couldn’t suppress.
Once on my… hooves, I felt charged with confidence. Still shaking, I leapt towards Robin and embraced his head with my front hooves, pulling him into a hug. I felt quite epic and heroic, even though there was less than a foot between us.
“Calm down!” Ow. That pitch was sharp. “M-m-m-m-Robin! Blah! It doesn’t matter! Look, I’m here, okay! We’re both here and I need you to calm down!”
He stopped rolling and rested his head into my… arms? Legs, I guess. Front legs. “There, just breathe. Just breathe. You’re okay.”
What happened next surprised me. I heard a sniffle come from under the peanut butter-colored mane. A warm and wet sensation dripping onto my chest– no, barrel? I don’t know. But he was crying.
“How did this happen to us?” he asked between sobs.
“Shhhh,” I whispered and began stroking his mane. “Don’t worry about that right now. Focus on what you can control. You can keep praying if that helps you; but I need you to know that you’re okay. It will be fine.” Where did that come from? I was never this caring before. I mean, I cared. But even when I worked with the little preschoolers who got hurt, I never knew how to comfort them. I just sort of awkwardly led them to the first aid kit and asked them what happened. If anything, Matt was the one who normally comforted me.
“An-n-n-n-Lilyhear–Dang it!” Matt muttered.
“Shhhhh,” I childed again. “It’s okay. Just call me Lilyheart.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know. But we don’t have a choice. Don’t fight it right now. We’ll figure it out later.”
He lifted his head up. “Let go, I want to wipe my face.”
“Okay.”
I untangled my hooves from around his head and backed up; then watched as Matt glared at his hoof before using it to wipe the tears from his face. “Ow! I can’t tell how far they are from my face! Stupid eyes!”
“Yeah, my vision is still a little weird.”
“It’s the size,” Matt explained. “Bigger retina means objects further away will be blurrier, but we can see up close better. Which doesn’t make sense for horses at all, because they need to see predators from far away.”
“My vision seems fine,” I quipped. Well, it did. But as I looked out into the distance, I realized the trees did seem a little blurry. But it also felt like I could see more of them. Like someone put my vision in landscape mode. “Our eyes must be further apart,” I mused.
“Well, yeah, horses,” said Matt once he finished wiping his face. He still looked a little pathetic, poor thing.
A single lock falling into my vision reminded me of my previous revelation. “I…” my cheeks felt warm again. “I’m a girl.” My right ear did an involuntary flick.
“How do you know?” asked Matt.
“Well, I… give me a moment.”
Since I was back in a sitting position, I scooted around to face away from him, and looked down. I wasn’t entirely ready for what I saw. At first, it seemed entirely plain color, just like the show. But when I focused my eyes, certain anatomy became clear. My cheeks were very warm.
There was a moment I just froze, again not able to process what my eyes were telling me. Finally I forced myself to look away. “I’m a girl,” I said.
“Oh…” muttered Matt.
Amidst the embarrassment, there was another emotion, slowly building up and quickly overwhelming me. The sort of emotion I normally stifled. The sort of emotion I shouldn’t feel. Joy. I let it bubble up and fizzle in my heart, until I decided to just do what I felt like. Throwing caution to the wind, I let the feeling fill my entire little pony body, and leapt up into the air.
“I’M A GIRL! I’m a girl! I’m a girl! Haha, hehe! I’m a girl, I’m a girl!” I kept jumping about. Am I frolicing? It doesn’t matter, I’m a girl! I can frolic if I want! I swung my hooves in a dance mid air between each hop, continuing in a series of giggles. At least until I tripped over myself. “Oof,” I said as I crashed into the ground. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt much.
Somehow, that made it funnier. “Hehe. Haha, hehehehehehe!” I exploded into maniacal laughter while rolling around in the grass. Oh, my belly, pain! I need to stop! I need to stop. I hugged my legs over my belly, desperately wheezing. “Okay, okay,” I gasped.
“I’m happy for you,” Matt told me, with a supporting smile on his face.
“This… this is what I’ve always wanted.”
“I know. Well, the horse part, too?”
“Well, no. Not the horse part. But I’ll take it.” My eyes were a little wet. Oh great, now I’m going to cry? Is this something you just have to do when you first become a pony?
An awkward silence fell between us while I wiped my eyes. I was on my back, and I could see him upside down. The sky, though. Oh, how beautiful was the sky! It was still the same simple pastel blue. But if you looked closely you could see all the different subtle hues. Such a pretty blue, and the warmth of the sun tickled my belly. Just like a cat laying at the sunlit window, I could just nap, right there. Completely free.
“So,” said Matt. “How do we get back?”
“I don’t know. Is there anything like a doorway near us? A portal? Anything?”
I watched Matt look around. I suppose I should get up and help, but I was sooo comfortable! “I don’t see anything. It’s just… the hill. And the trees.”
“So it’s like we were plopped right into the middle of the universe. Not the best sign if we want to get back. But, I assume Twilight might have a way. Even if it means a lot of studying.”
“Twilight?” asked Matt. “She’s not real.”
I frowned at Matt. “We’re ponies. It’s true she might not exist here, but there’s a good chance she just might be real. This is the sort of the stuff I grew up thinking about all the time, so I think I have a pretty good guess as to how this all works.”
“Okay… How?”
“Well, option one is the simplest: Equestria is real. Somehow, and we don’t know how, the show either caused the world to exist, or the show just somehow copied something that was actually happening in another universe.” I used my hooves to make quotation marks over the word universe. “In that case, it’s just a matter of hopping through universes, and we’ll have to find a way. Hopefully, that’s the case, because in that case, we’re just in the middle of one of the seasons.”
“And the other option?”
“That’s the more complicated and scary one,” I answered. “That the show we watched was based loosely on the real Equestria, or the Equestria that spawned from the show is really different. Because, if that’s the case, then you’re right about Twilight not existing here. And in that case, we don’t know anything about the world we just ended up in.”
“How do you think we’re in another world? We could just be in some sort of virtual reality. Or a hallucination of some kind?” Matt asked while looking around, a frown on his face.
“We could be. But the simplest explanation is the best assumption for now. Besides, even if that was the case, we’re technically still stuck in a different world, regardless if it’s contained within our own or not.”
“And that simple explanation is…”
“That we just got ponified and sent to Equestria!”
“But how? Magic?”
“Arthur’s law of magic and all that. I think it was Arthur. Any magic is just advanced technology. Even the elves in Middle-earth just thought of their magic as art. Here–assuming we are in Equestria, and the same Equestria–then the ‘Magic,’ in this world is really just this world’s version of physics.”
“It was Arthur C. Clarke’s Third Law,” said Matt. “But that doesn't actually answer any of my questions.”
I shrugged, which was a little uncomfortable to do on my back. “Some things you just kind of have to accept. Like the Trinity. As long as we can understand the concept, that’s as good as we’re going to get. We don’t have all the pieces, but we have enough to get a general outline of the puzzle.” I grinned. “And that’s all we’ll need.”
I couldn’t feel my hands. My head was too close to the ground. I want to move my hands. Nothing feels right about this body. I feel confined. I don’t know how Andrew could be so happy.
I look over his… (her?) silly smile. It repulsed me. I hated making these characters. I only created them to make Andrew happy. And now I’m stuck with it.
“Whoa. Um… M-m-m-Robin, I don’t suppose you see that?” Andrew with his leg (her hooves?).
But there was a thing in the sky. I don’t like seeing things in the sky. Birds are okay. So are planes. And clouds or stars. Those things are supposed to belong in the sky. I don’t like things that aren’t supposed to be in the sky. And that definitely isn’t supposed to be in the sky. Horses don’t belong in the sky.
It was a small black stick figure that quickly grew larger, until I made out blurry features. Stupid eyes. Yep. It was a horse. With wings. Grey, with splashes of yellow and brown. Oh no. Don’t tell me…
The figure wasn’t coming towards us, but was merely passing by. It looked to us, and a single limb shook back and forth. No. I don’t like this.
Andrew waved back. Ew. Broken legs. Horse legs are not supposed to bend like that. Lilyheart then quickly swung around on her belly (his belly?). “Pegasus!” she (he?) cheered with a goofy grin. It was hard to think of Andrew as a boy when he did something as girly as that with that voice. But Andrew is a boy. Yet the figure in front of me was clearly a mare. I made the figure! I knew the features. The rounded snout, the mascara eyelashes, the shorter horn, the two sparkles per eye… I could trace her figure completely with my eyes, each line and curve, which I had drawn with my hands.
Vision didn’t make sense. The contour lines were too thick. But I drew Lilyheart that way because that’s how the show did it. It made sense in a cartoon. But nothing makes sense here. I wasn’t happy.
“Robinwind?” asked Andrew.
“Nothing. I’m just happy for you,” I said.
And there… her grin returned, even bigger than before. A third sparkle even appeared in her eyes. I couldn’t fix everything for him–her, but at least I could make her smile. But I also had to make sure to not lose him. “You realize we have to go home though, right?” I cocked my head to the side, and one of my ears titled involuntarily. Dang it.
“Well… yes. But it might take a while. Weeks, even,” she said with her head leaning on her hoof. Ew. Ew. Broken leg. Nausea in my stomach. Nausea was supposed to be in that part of my stomach, not that part. And knowing that made it worse.
“Please stop,” I said in a panic. “Please, bend your leg back!”
“Oh–okay,” came that cute voice. I looked back up and she was sitting like a dog again.
“I’ll be fine,” I mumbled. I lifted up my arm to cover my mouth. I just about slugged my chin instead. Dang it! I swallowed and gently placed my… hoof on my mouth. Uuggggghhhhh.
“Broken legs?” Andrew asked weakly, pawing at the ground. “It’s actually kind of cool. My legs are just kind of elastic. I won’t practice right now, of course. I wonder if we can do the Pinkie Pie thing with our necks…”
If you’re saying this to distract me, you’re doing a terrible job.
“Oh,” Lilyheart suddenly exclaimed. She looked like she was going to move her legs back up again, but then suddenly put them back down. Her face shot up towards me with a big expectant gleam in her eyes. “I totally forgot! Am I a unicorn?”
“Yep,” I coughed.
“Yeeeeeheeeheee!” Lilyheart cheered and did a little dance, hopping back up and now again. “I’m a unicorn! I’m a unicorn! No way!” She started to lift her front legs but stopped again, before darting her eyes as far up as she could, evidently trying to look at her horn. She also managed to look like a complete doofus in the process. “Also, you’re an earth pony, by the way. Just like you drew Robinwind.”
“Great,” I said. “Of all the ponies I could be. I could have chosen to fly or to have magic. Instead I chose to be the most useless race.”
“Well, you’re probably really strong!” It was her turn to cock her head. “I figure there’s basically two types of earth ponies: strong ones like AJ and… fun ones like Pinkie Pie. You’re more the type to be like AJ, though, so I bet you basically have super strength.”
“That’s still worthless compared to the other options.” I finally placed my hoof back on the ground. Wait, did I also–
“Well… yeah, I guess that’s true,” answered Lilyheart with a shrug. “Still… some-p-p-pony has to be the muscle, right?”
“What’s the point if you can just use magic to lift anything you want? Twilight could take care of, like the whole apple orchard in a day!” My ears! Stop twitching!
“But there’s always something that magic can’t take care of. I figure it’s like DnD. Even if you can lift something telepathically, you still have to make a strength roll for it.” Always an opinion and answer for everything.
“Like the Force?” I asked.
“Yeah!”
“That’s still lame compared to magic or flying.”
“Well, that’s true.”
“I think it would be a wisdom check, by the way. Or maybe knowledge. But I don’t know, and I can’t check, because I’m stuck in a stupid cartoon!” I exclaimed.
The cartoon horse in front of me blinked, and her smile wavered. Her ears drooped ever so slightly.
“I’m sorry. That was mean.”
“What?” she asked. “You did nothing wrong!”
“But you’re happy, and I don’t want to spoil that.”
“But you’re not happy. I know this isn’t as exciting for you as it is for me. You have to express your emotions, too,” the cartoon horse pressed. Andrew pressed.
“I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I want you to be happy.”
Lilyheart seemed to consider this for a moment, her ears fidgeting. “Okay.”
I need to calm down. Just like she said. It was becoming way too easy to think of Andrew as a she. But if I want him to be happy… maybe I should just pretend that this is a big adventure. Afterall, it’s not like I didn’t like My Little Pony, too. I enjoyed it, even if not as much as Andrew.
“So, off to Ponyville?” I asked.
“What makes you think Ponyville is nearby?”
“This looks like the area around Ponyville. Plus, why else would Derpy be here?” I resisted the urge to sigh when I said Derpy.
“Wait, you saw Derpy?!”
Involuntarily I gave out something that was between cough and a laugh. And a whinny. Ugh. “Duh! You waved at her!”
“Oh. I didn’t know that was Derpy. It could have been any grey pegasus.”
I face hoofed. Wait, I did what!? “She’s not the only derp, here.” Oh, shoot, that was mean! I should not have said that!
But Lilyheart only burst into a giggle. I never could understand Andrew. Sometimes, I had to walk on eggshells with him. Okay, most of the time. But then I say something that’s actually rude, and she laughs? He? Ugh. Now Lilyheart was gazing past me, an odd dreamy expression on her face.
“Well,” she said. “I suppose we head the direction Derpy did? Or rather, Suspected Derpy.”
“There is no suspicion! It was Derpy!” I hoofed the ground. Have I mentioned I hate this body?
Lilyheart only giggled again, and pointed her hoof. “Well, after you, my good sir!”
I watched Robinwind lift himself up all the way for the first time. His legs were shaky, just like a newborn foal. But I could also see the strength there, too. Even though he was the same size as me, there was a solidness to how he was built. His front leg trembled even more as he took a slow step forward. Was that sweat on his face? Goodness, he’s having a hard time.
“I think…” I chirped. “Wait, nevermind.” Before I gave him advice, I better experiment myself to see if I’m right, shouldn’t I?
I pushed myself up. Same shaky legs. No, no. Not like that. I closed my eyes and took a breath. Rather than thinking about my legs, I instead just thought about getting up. It worked. I opened my eyes. Okay, now for the next step. Go over there!
My head bent forward a little. Okay, not too helpful. Hoof, move! I lifted it, and felt it shake a little. No, that’s not right. Instinct! Instinct! Let your instinct take over!
“Huh, before I could move by not even thinking about it. So then…” I muttered. I want to go over there, and I’m happy! I bounded towards a tree. Okay, that’s fast. Stop, please. And there I was, four feet–no, four hooves on the ground. And I’m next to the tree!
“Ha! It works!” I backed up to turn around and trotted back over to Robin. Whoa, super close. Ponies are fast. “You just have to let your instincts take over! Don’t think about your hooves, just let them do their thing.” I gave a little hop as I chattered.
Robinwind stood quiet and still for a moment. He blinked. “Okay, nothing happening.”
I giggled and gave another hop. “For me, it's just because of how happy I am. I just think, ‘Oh, I’m happy,’ and pounce over to wherever I want! See?” I hopped around him, circling him. I hope that isn’t annoying. Okay, let’s try something new. I marched forward, like a little army pony. One hoof, two hoof! Ha, it works!
“Horses start walking almost immediately after they’re born. So I guess it being instinct makes sense,” Robin mused. “Okay…” I watched as he glared at the closest tree… and then shot forth like a bullet! …and faceplanted straight into the tree.
Robin peeled off the trunk and plopped back to the ground. Wait, are those actual birds? “What the h-h-hay? What the hay? Hay?” Whatever. I bounded over to him. Yep, actual tiny yellow birds were flapping in a circle around his head, and his eyes were spinning out of sync for each other. Not the only derp, am I? I waved a hoof around his head and watched the birds give annoyed chirps before dispersing and recollecting on a tree branch.
“Are you okay?” I asked Robin.
“I want to go home,” He grumbled.
“That’s probably a yes.” I put a hoof on his back. “You actually did really good! I haven’t even moved that fast yet! You just have to get used to… getting to things faster than you’d think you’d get there.”
Robin made a deep rumbling sound.
***
It took us several minutes of practicing walking (is walking even the right word?) Well, we practiced trotting, too.
With my back turned to Robin I tried bending my legs to see what they were capable of. My ‘wrists,’ ‘elbows,’ and shoulders could all swing 360 degrees. So cool. Just watching it, along with the sensation; I could feel the joints moving about. It was like watching a Claymation film for the first time, or messing with play-Doh snakes.
But eventually I realized I could curve my entire leg to make an arc. The joints and bones interlocked like a ripple up a chain. Except I could feel it. I wanted to show Robin, but definitely not right now; he wasn’t ready. I would also wait before mentioning that he had been bending his legs the wrong way without even realizing it. Of course, that reminded me of the other things I wanted to try.
“Let’s see here, how does this work…”
I turned my head to my left. Dang. I could swing it further than before without feeling strained. I was now facing solidly to my left side. There was just the slightest feeling of stiffness. But it still felt like…
I I turned my head further. Further. A little more. A little more. I was now facing directly behind myself. I watched Robin practice walking slowly, methodical in each step he took. There was a tension building in my neck, but no pain. I felt like a solid piece of rubber being twisted. But let's go a little more.
Twist, twist… Does this mean I’m still going on my left, or am I now turning on my right? I guess it’s the left side of my body because that’s the direction–no, that doesn’t make sense, because there’s my right shoulder. I guess humans don’t have to deal with this question because we’re always facing forward.
And I was facing forward again. I just turned my neck 360 degrees, and I’m still alive. Ha! I smiled. A warmth built up in my chest… barrel? Is it the barrel on the inside, too? Whatever. I felt… is this what accomplishment feels like? And with that, I lost my focus.
The tension in my neck was released, and my head quickly spun around, and with a SNAP my neck was back to normal.
“Oh, that felt weird.” I blinked and simply sat still to process what had happened. It reminded me of when I, of all things, went horseback riding at summer camp. The horse I rode decided to buck another horse behind us. I went from perpendicular to the ground, parallel, then back to perpendicular so fast I didn’t even understand what had happened until the kid behind me told me so. Candy was that horse’s name. I loved her, but oh did she ever challenge me at every point she could. But I liked that. I think we had mutual respect by the time camp was over.
I twisted my neck left, and then right again, and then shook my head to get out the stiff feeling. The curls bounced back and forth. My curls! Such a divine sensation! Eeeee! Goosebumps down my neck!
I leaned backwards to plop on my back, though I had to adjust for my tail. My tail! I had a tail! That beautiful sky! I sighed and lifted up a hoof into the air. Different shades, both… pretty. Everything gave me euphoria. I should have tried harder to appreciate life back home. There’s nothing about being a human that keeps you from laying down in the grass and soaking up the sun. Nor about being a boy. Why couldn’t I simply be happy with what I had? Because… because… I searched my memories and searched my past. A web and tangled threads of action and reaction, choices and consequences. I tried, didn’t I, God?
I shouldn’t be happy now, should I? I don’t deserve it. I didn’t do anything to be happy. I swallowed, and felt tears forming in my eyes. Really? I used to never cry! Even when I wanted to. It must be this body. I let the tears flow freely down the sides of my cheeks. After everything I did, how can I be happy? After what I’ve done?
But happiness isn’t about what you deserve. No one would deserve happiness in that case. You know this.
Am I allowed to be happy? Am I allowed to move on? Oh, how I hate those words. The tears started coming down even faster. I sniffled. The waves of emotion were overwhelming. I whimpered. No, keep it inside. I whimpered again. No, no, Robinwind will hear. Stop. The next thing I knew, I was sobbing. Loudly.
“A-Lilyheart, what happened?”
I put my hooves over my face. “Ah kamf stah. Mmmp kwuu!” Great. This happened the last time I cried, too. When I was ten. “Ahfff fffiph!”
“Did you hurt something?” Robinwind looked completely at a loss. Like after you’ve tricked a dog and it doesn’t know what happened to the ball you just hid in a pocket.
“No!” I managed between sobs. “F-f-fffffine!”
“You’re… fine?” Robin asked, his head cocked to the side, his ears pointed to the ground.
I spluttered a giggle. “I’m fine,” I said with a massive breath, before sobbing again. Oh gosh, I’m a mess. What is happening? Can I go back to hopping up and down again?
“Oh gosh, I need a tissue!” I whined. Wait, I whined? I rolled over back onto my legs, in what was basically the loaf position. Ooooh, I get to loaf, now!
“I don’t have one,” said Robin.
I looked at him in confusion.
“A tissue. I don’t have one.”
I spat in laughter. “Really? You don’t have one? I wasn’t asking!” I cackled.
“Well, you just said…” Robin pursed his lips and pawed the ground. “What happened, anyway?”
“N-nothing. I think this body has some getting used to.”
“Did you hurt something?”
“No, I mean,” I wanted to tap my forehead, but stopped myself. “Mentally. Emotionally. I… I think I… hormones. I don’t even know if estrogen is what mares have. Or even if that’s the same thing for ponies. Cartoon ponies. But the emotion just… overwhelmed me. I’m not used to that.” I smiled. “Actually, I feel better now! Come on, let’s get to Ponyville!”
Robin looked at me strangely as I bounced up. “This way, right?”
“Yeah…” he muttered.
***
Walking as a pony was fun. There was something just neat about it. Clop, clop, clop. Though, it’s not like we were actually making that noise, since we were walking on grass and dirt. I’d make the sound myself, like the guy who followed around Arthur in the Holy Grail, but it would probably annoy Robin. He was at my left, scrutinizing the scenery. Or maybe he was frowning because walking was still hard for him?
A shot of blue and yellow caught my eye. “Hey, a butterfly! First sign of life we’ve seen! Well, besides the birds.”
“There’s been a few of those,” Robin muttered as the birdsong continued overhead.
“There were also yellow ones. I’m not really sure how that worked,” I mumbled as I approached the butterfly. It hovered for a moment, and then settled on my nose (snout?). I slowly looked back over to Robin with a smile.
“You match,” he said with a smile back.
I suppressed a laugh, but it was too much. The butterfly fluttered off. “Aw.” We watched as it flew up into the branches of the tree above us. “It’s looking more and more like we’re in an Equestria we know. Wildlife… even a bug, would never be so friendly like that. And… how we can bend our limbs, and what we look like…”
Robin nodded. “I wonder why only we ended up here, though. No one else from the Con is here.”
“I mean, it had to do something with the comic we opened,” I responded as we continued on.
“Yeah, but, we went the only one looking at those. Even if it was only the very single one we looked at, any-b-b-b-pony else could…” Robin blinked. “Really?”
“Anyb-b-b-pony,” I tried. “Me too.”
“Dang it!” Robin rolled his eyes. “Why did I have to lose my words? And my name? Wasn’t turning me into a pony enough?”
“Sorry.”
“Well, it’s not your fault. It was my idea to go to the Con. And anyway, I think I dropped the comic on the floor right before I blacked out and ended up here. So any… pony could have picked it up after us. But, no ponies appearing after us.”
I scrunched my face while I considered what Robin said. “In Narnia, the wardrobe was originally from Narnia itself. The only reason they could get to Narnia was because magic from that world has already been brought into ours…”
“But the wardrobe was made from a tree that grew over the rings, and the rings were an invention,” Robin interjected. “But I don’t think fiction is the best way to figure out reality. I mean, CS Lewis just invented that. But this, this is real.”
“Fiction is the only way to speculate on these sort of things, though. Science-fiction started out with authors really trying to understand how technology would affect p-p-p-p-ponies,” I blinked and Robin side-eyed me. “And fantasy was about trying to figure out the h-h-h-h-horse heart.” I blinked again. “Okay, this might get old. But all we can do is speculate! And that’s what fantasy and science-fiction is about, at the heart: speculation. Exploration. Those quest–”
“Lilyheart, stop!”
I froze and followed his eyes. “Oh.”
“This is a problem,” he said.
Before us was a tangle of thick, black, thorny trees. We were on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest.
Gnarled branches. A deep black contrast from the colorful pastel everywhere else. The birdsong had stopped. An eerie silence suddenly filled the air. Was it colder? But inside, what I felt was fear. Something choking up inside my chest, something that hissed at me saying, “This place is unnatural!”
Yet the feeling itself was unnatural. Alien. This was the feeling of a horse’s fear, not the human instincts I’m supposed to have.
“Oh, we are so not going in there,” mumbled Lilyheart.
“Agreed,” I mumbled back. I didn’t need stupid horse instincts to tell me to stay out of Everfree. Forever more.
“Still… I kind of have a longing to go in,” Lilyheart mused.
“I am not getting eaten by a timberwolf.” Flashes of the woody monsters jumped into my mind, and two small ponies limp in their jaws. It was the sort of thing I would draw and laugh at before. I wasn’t laughing.
“Oh, I know. It’s just… you know, the sort of call of adventure; the sense of wonder. Like we’re on the edge of something… something… Something that you can’t quite put a name to.”
My ears twitched. Grrr. Still, beneath my fear was exactly the sort of feeling Andrew described. “It reminds me of Subcon.”
Lilyheart snorted. “Your least favorite level?”
“Yes, my least favorite level.”
“I’d rather face a timberwolf than Snatcher.”
“Why?” I asked as my tail flicked. Both Andrew and I refused to look away from the forest. “You can reason with Snatcher. Timberwolves just want to eat you.”
“But that’s why. Snatcher’s evil. Timberwolves just want to eat. Snatcher choo–”
Two curved yellow eyes appeared in the darkness, like twin crescent moons. Andrew and I tensed. A moment passed as the eyes stared at us, and we stared back.
“Yeah, we see you, too,” Andrew said nonchalantly.
“Don’t antagonize it!” I whispered.
“You haven’t seen the episode. Rarity talked to one of the eyes. Called it out and made it afraid of her. The eyes are harmless,” Andrew explained, his… her tail sweeping across the grass. “Aren’t you fella? I don’t suppose you want to show yourself? And maybe point us to the direction Ponyville is in?”
The eyes blinked, and slowly faded away.
“I guess you don’t have Fluttershy’s talent. Or Rarity’s,” I quipped.
Lilyheart flicked his…her tail, and Andrew grumbled a little in annoyance.
“Let’s leave,” I said while trying to back up. I lifted… my back hoof, but found I didn’t know how to go backwards. I didn’t practice that before. Fine, I’ll just turn around. Though the truth was, I didn’t want to have my back to the forest so close.
“But how are we supposed to get to Ponyville? It’s on the other side of the forest!” Lil–Andrew asked as sh–he followed.
“I don’t know. We’ll have to skirt around it.” Which meant turning to our left or right. But not this close to Everfree.
And suddenly I realized it was darker.
“Whoa,” whispered Lilyhear–Andrew. “Celestia must be lowering the sun.”
Actually, I was wrong about it being darker. Colors were darker. That isn’t how light or color works back home. Human eyes can’t see color as they start losing light. But I could clearly still see color, just colors with darker shades than before. It doesn’t make any sense at all! Ugh! I hate being here!
“I think we’re going to have to wait before trying to figure out how to get to Ponyville, An-n-n-n-Lilyheart,” I finished with a roll of my eyes. “We should probably find a place to stay for the night.”
Lil–Andrew looked around. “But where? It’s not like we can build a shelter or find a tent laying around.”
“We’ll have to sleep under a tree. I don’t like it, but that’s much safer than walking around in the dark. Particularly not like this,” I motioned with my hooves. “Let’s hurry up and get a little further from Everfree.”
“W–wait!” urged Andrew.
“What?”
She–he was looking up and walking in a circle. “The trees here are the tallest besides the Everfree ones, if we can climb them, we might be able to see Ponyville, or how far Everfree Forest reaches in the direction we’re going.”
“And how do you expect to climb them?” I motioned with my hooves again.
Lilyh–Andrew was still searching for a decent tree. “I’m not sure yet…” She turned… He turned to me with a smug grin. “Trixie.”
“Trixie. What does Trixie have to do with anything?”
Her grin got bigger. “We’re not flawless,” she sang lightly.
Wow. Andrew was never a good singer. Actually, he was a terrible singer. But what just came out of the little pony’s mouth was a voice clear as crystal, solidly hitting each note. It was a voice I could imagine on the show.
“W…W-What about it?”
Lilyheart (Andrew?) blinked. “Oops! Sorry, wrong song. I always get those two mixed up here. Let’s see here…” She tapped her hoof to an invisible beat. Eventually nodding her head to it as well. “Best friends! (Best friends!) Until the end of time! (Until the end of time!)”
What? How are you making the echo?!
“We’ve got each other’s backs, (backs!)
And let our true selves shine! (selves shine!)
And that’s because everything we need is all right here,
When we’re with our team!”
Lilyheart beamed. I felt my heart tug in two directions at the sight. It was ugly to me; ponies were meant to stay in the tv. But… she was so happy.
“D-do you get what I mean?” she asked.
A flash of Trixie running straight up a tree, a trio of red-eyed, angry ponies chasing after her flashed in my mind. Really, couldn’t you have just said that? I nodded. “But… are you really going to just try to run straight up a tree?”
“We won’t know if it works until we try it!” With a look of determination on her blue face, Lilyheart moved into a position much like a dog that had gotten ahold of a toy and wanted to play. Or maybe a cat about to pounce on a mouse. She lowered her barrel to the ground, her rump in the air, tail wagging back and forth. Her tongue stuck out, her ears folded down, and her eyes locked on to what I assume was a tree to my left.
“W–wait!” I cried and jumped in front of her just as she began to lurch forward.
“What?” she asked while recovering from slipping on her right hoof.
“Let me do it! I’ll run up the tree.”
“Okay… but I’m the one better on my hooves. It should be me.”
“But you said I was probably stronger, right?” I countered while taking a look at the tree she had just tried to charge after. No wonder she had picked that one. It grew in a slight angle. “Besides, I need to practice, anyway, so please, let me do it.”
She looked me over and considered it. “Okay.”
“Right,” I said, and switched places with her. “By the way, I don’t think the way you were going to try was the best. You looked…” Ugh, how do I finish that sentence? “...Like a dog.”
“Bark, bark,” Lilyheart mimicked in a monotone. “If you’re going to do this, you’re going to have to let your instincts take over. And my instincts told me that that position was the best way to start a run from.”
“Well, my instincts tell me I don’t have to do that.” Really my horse instincts told me nothing. I was ignoring them at every turn. My human instincts told me if I formed that position, a little more of my dignity would die.
I hoofed the ground with my right leg. Ugh. Great, so much for doing this without giving into horse-stincts. I felt my ears flatten over my head. My tail flicked back and forth. I hoofed the ground again, and focused on the target. The memory of a quickly approaching tree trunk popped into my head, followed by pain throughout my body. The weird sensation of everything being flattened, and then sprung back to normal. Not this time.
I charged. Crisp air whipping past. My mane flapping. My hooves like springs firing off the ground. The tree went from there to here in a flash. Lift your hoof!
And then I was trotting upwards. It felt like a roller coaster. Or in a video game when your character falls and your balance goes haywire. Suddenly I could see the stars peeking out from the black webbing of the branches, amidst a purple-pinkish sky. And then I was at the top of the tree.
“Ahh!” I yelped and scrambled my legs in place. I started falling.
Findabranchfindabranchfindabranch!
I made wild grabbing motions and quickly found myself hugging a limb. My heart pounded from my barrel against the wood.
“You’re doing great!” Lilyheart cheered.
How am I supposed to get down?
“Do you see anything?”
I see a blue cupcake with yellow frosting and a ground that is way farther away than it ought to be!
“You can do it!” the blue cupcake cheered again. You’re being awfully supportive.
I breathed heavily. I don’t recall being this afraid of heights before. Probably because I have hooves!
“Ro-bin! Wind! Ro-bin! Wind!” Lilyheart wasn’t even looking at me now. Instead she was giving a hop for every syllable.
I could have been a pegasus. But no, I had to prefer natural looking ponies.
“Ro-bin! Wind! Ro-bin! Wind!”
Oh, I hate that name.
“Ro-bin! Wind! Ro-bin! Wind!”
Ugh. Slowly, I unwrapped my unsteady legs from around the branch, and gently began placing my weight on them to lift myself up. Oh, wobbly legs, wobbly legs!
I looked left. I looked right.
“Lilyheart. I can’t see a thing. All the branches are in the way. And I think the other trees are too tall.” I did this all for nothing.
“Well… you looked cool when you climbed up.”
“And I have no idea how I’m going to get down.” I let my body rest against the branch and wrapped my legs around it again.
“You could try hopping to different tree branches. Just like Hat Kid!”
Hat Kid isn’t real.
“Or maybe I could–”
Lilyheart’s cold scream broke through the forest.
“Lilyheart!” I called.
I looked down to see a blue pony thrashing about on the ground. Dragged. Quickly.
“Something gra–” Another scream.
“Lilyheart!”
I watched helplessly as she disappeared into the Everfree Forest, her voice giving way to silence. The sun set, draining the forest of any bright color left.
I’ve been a girl for less than half a day and I’m already a damsel in distress. Honestly, I’m not even complaining. I was distressed before. Might as well be a damsel.
Also, I screamed. I don’t normally scream. Like, my voice isn’t meant to be loud. I could give Fluttershy a run for ‘Most Ignored Creature.’ You know rallies and stuff like that where people all yell and cheer for their favorite sports team, or something? When I do that, my voice comes out something like, I don’t know, a dying aye-aye. I don’t know what aye-ayes sound like, dying or otherwise, but just think about one and imagine it. That was me trying to cheer as a human.
But now I can scream properly. And screaming makes me feel more girly. And feeling girly makes me feel happy inside but also a little embarrassed. Of course, now that the surprise was over, I didn’t feel like screaming anymore. But I suppose I should try to let Robin know where I am, shouldn’t I? Well, here goes nothing…
I shrieked. And I shrieked again. My ears folded backwards. Goodness, I can really do this now. The sound hurt. More shrieking. This is getting old. I’ve been falling for thirty minutes! Or was it twenty? I know it’s only been, like, two, but I mean Loki. How long did he fall? And why doesn’t being dragged like this hurt?
Trees whizzed past, and even if I could grab ahold of something on the ground, whatever it was wrapped around my ankle… cannon? Is that what those are called? Whatever, it could very well just yank my whole leg off. Not that I was worried too much about this body; it might very well be made of rubber. But rubber has its limits, doesn’t it? Pain still seared into my leg. I needed to know what this was.
Okay, let’s try this. Using the three legs I had, I lifted myself up into a jump and flipped over to my back. Ha! This is also becoming my favorite pony position, isn’t it?
“Let’s see what you are…” I mumbled and lifted my head up.
What I could make out was a thorny black vine wrapped at least thrice my cannon.
“What’s this? Are these the seeds that Discord planted?” I looked up to see if I could make out where I was going, but off into the distance I could only make out hazy darkness. Oh, I don’t like this.
I let my head fall back. The ground scratching my back was a bit like a massage.
“God, please help.” Not that I deserved help. But it’s not about deserved, is it? “Do you want me to try scrambling and grabbing a hold of things, or just sit here and pray?”
How is Catholicism compatible with Equestria? Honestly, how does any belief system hold up in light of a world full of magical ponies? Still, I learned a while ago that some things you just can’t understand. Only when you accept that things start to make sense.
Well, God, if this is my time, I accept it. Please take me home. Thank you that I got to be a girl, first. This has been… the best day of my life, I think. Getting eaten by some evil tree isn’t going to change that.
No. That’s how I used to be. Too cerebral. Always thinking. Never feeling. Never trying. I’ve done the depression thing. But the joy I felt today? I’m going to fight for it.
“Not today, thorn vine thing! I’m a pony, and you're not going to take away my happiness! Big Sister, I could use your help!”
And with that, I lunged for a tree branch. A log. A rock. Anything.
My hooves scrambled across a smattering of twigs and roots. I managed to hold on to one particular root for a second, but the vine pulled tighter, and I lost my footing… hoofing? Hooving?
“I. Said. Not. To. Day!” I slammed my two front hooves into the ground and dug them into the dirt. Still it dragged me, but much slower.
“Grrrrrrrrrrr,” I growled through gritted teeth. “You.” I pushed my hooves down deeper. “Will. Not. Win.”
I was slowing. But the vine tugged harder. My cannon hurt. Use the pain. Use the pain.
My front hooves suddenly caught on something hard. I couldn’t bother to be concerned with what it was. All I know is that with the new support, I had now slowed to a stop.
The vine and I remained still in a mostly quiet tug-a-war. My back left leg pointed straight backward, while my right one flailed useless for a while. Finally, I managed to dig it into the dirt, and gained a little more support. But it hurt.
My front legs were on fire. My jaw clenched and I felt like I was going to burst a blood vessel in my face. I was shaking. My breath made little puff sounds as it struggled to escape my pursed lips.
But amidst this all, I was becoming aware of another sensation: the feeling of the vine slipping. Even as it did so, it tightened even more in a desperate attempt to cling on to me. Almost like… a predator unwilling to relinquish its prey.
Slip. Slip. A little more. But the pain was unbearable. I felt my eyes bulging out of their sockets. I whimpered. I was tired. Pain. Pain. Pain! With what little brain power I had, I still prayed. Pain! Pain!
I screamed.
And suddenly, freedom. My back left leg collapsed to the ground and the rest of my body followed. I heard the crash of leaves and bushes behind me as the vine disappeared into the darkness. And for the third time since becoming a pony, I found myself crying. Was it the pain? Was it the fear?
It didn’t occur to me until that moment that what I experienced was scary. That was fear. For all the jokes which played in my head, my prayers acting like everything was fine, my fake confidence against the vine… I was afraid.
I hugged myself, and continued to whimper as the little tears flowed.
My left back leg still hurt. I wasn’t sure I could walk with it. Still, in the show ponies walked with three legs all the time. So it ought to be okay, right? So long as I can get out of the Everfree Forest. I tried to wipe my face with my hooves. They were sore.
Shaking leaves behind me. I didn’t have time to turn around.
Suddenly, the vine wrapped itself around my back left hoof again. And my back right hoof. And my front hooves. And my body. A quick lurch backward. I found myself in the air pulled like before. It wasn’t one vine, it was several. And now, I was helpless.
I shrieked.
And something shrieked behind me… more like a rattle.
The vines whipped me around.
Before me was a monster. Nothing like I had seen on the show. It looked a bit like a Basilisk; or rather, a large snake. But its scales were made of what looked like wood, and its coils like that of a moving, twisted tree. At the top of the head and down much of its back was covered in bushy leaves. And from those bushes, all the way down to the tail (which looked a bit like a Pine Tree) grew thorny tendrils, some of which were currently wrapped around me.
But most terrifying were the eyes and mouth. Large, bloodshot eyes the size of a pony, and a gaping mouth making up a third of its own body. The Pine Tree tail bristled together, and made the shrieking rattle. The vines were pulling me closer to that horrible mouth. I was less than a snack.
“SOMEB-B-B-PONY HELP ME!”
Whirling wind. Something shot out of the darkness. I was falling. And the next moment, I was in… something’s arms (hooves?) flying through the air. And plop. Back on the ground.
I turn back to look at the hideous monster. Between us was an angel.
Not a real angel, biblically accurate or otherwise. But it was a pony that looked like an angel, an angel of the night. A pegasus, to be exact. His coat was a midnight blue, his mane and tail a little darker. But he swirled with lighter streaks, and seemed to shimmer with stars. His wings lay wide open, a guardian of the night.
“B-beautiful,” I whispered.
“Heyah!” my guardian shouted, and took to the air in a flurry.
The monster shrieked with the rattle. Vines shot from every which direction. But with speed and agility to make Rainbow Dash jealous, the dark blur glided past them all. His speed was such that I could barely keep track of him. He darted back and forth, slashing some vines apart with his wings. And suddenly, he was right in front of the monster, and kicked its nose with a solid buck.
The snake shrieked again, but the midnight angel was gone. The rattle rose up, puncturing a hole in the canopy. Starlight rained down, and for a moment, I got a single glimpse of the Equestrian moon. It, too, was beautiful.
But a shadow fell upon me. Twigs dropped all around. The rattle was coming down. At me.
“Wah!” I cried. Pegasus grabbed me and pulled me away before I could react.
BOOM. The sound of the rattle hitting the ground. The trees swayed from the concussion.
“What are you waiting for? Get out of here!” barked the angel.
I was on my hooves again. And Pegasus was gone. He was at the monster, giving another kick, this time to its eyes.
More shrieking from the rattle. Vines whipped more frantically. One slashed a tree beside me. It splittered, snapped in half, and crashed to the ground in a blink.
I backed up. How… were ponies capable of fighting a thing like this? I’m watching a war between titans.
Vines wrapped around Pegasus. More than I could count. He was caught. Yet his confident glare didn’t cease. He began spinning. His figure was replaced with a tornado. The vines unraveled and snapped apart. But the tornado continued and shot towards the monster, bonking the head. Pegasus reemerged.
For a moment, time seemed still. He shimmered in the light; loosened feathers danced around him, gleaming in the night. His eyes were closed, and he gracefully fell backwards, somersaulting and landing upon his hooves.
The monster made a guttural groan, and collapsed. The earth shook.
The angel turned his head to face me; his fierce, discerning eyes…
I never liked being alone. It comes with having brothers.
“Lilyheart!” Andrew!
Nothing.
There were a few large branches which I could try what Lilyheart had suggested. If it were a video game, I’d already be back down. If it were a video game, I would have been up the tree before Lilyheart even had the idea. She would sit there, overanalyzing, and I would just go.
I glared at the branches. Flashes from dreams. Falling through the sky, to the inevitable end below. Waking to sweaty sheets.
I leapt. The branch swayed under my weight, and I felt the limber wood under the hooves. I scrambled, but found my footing. Yes! I repeated and solidly landed on the next branch. It is like A Hat in Time. Or Mario 64.
The hoof slipped.
“Ja–fff–whe!” And down I went. But there was no waking up from this pony nightmare. SPLAT.
Pain. I felt this body pancake, and then spring back into shape. Oh, I don’t like that. I don’t like that, I don’t like that!
On my feet. I bolted into the forest. Shades grew darker still, and shadows shifted under the gentle sway of the trees. Those yellow eyes followed me. Everywhere, I was being watched. Judging me. “Who are you to enter into our forest? Who are you to think you can save her? We will see you when you fail.” They seemed to ask. But that was only my imagination.
“Lilyheart!”
Nothing. On and on in the night, ever with those yellow eyes staring. I looked at the ground to check for tracks. Anything. The horse ears craned back and forth. Nothing. Nothing!
“Lilyheart!”
I didn’t stop running. And promptly ran straight into a pond.
Cold. Very cold. Crud. How do you swim as a horse?
I thrashed about in a panic. Robinwind’s hooves squished into the scummy bottom… and my head was above the water. Oh.
“Ribbit!”
A frog sat on a lilypad beside me, giving me a glare. Great. Frogs can glare now. Waitaminute.
“Hey… so…” I feel like an idiot. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen a blue pony with a yellow mane? Looks like a cupcake? Being pulled by some unknown dark force?” Useless and always needs someone to take care of her? Darn it, brain, not now!
“Er-ert.” The frog blinked.
Is that a no?
“Rr-Rr.” The frog hopped into the pond.
It was my turn to blink. “Right, that was a waste of time.” I climbed out of the pond and shook myself off. My heart fell. I didn’t even think of what I was doing. The horse-stincts took over. I just shook myself dry. Like a dog. Like an animal. A sharp pang pinched my heart. Tears came to my eyes.
I used one of the hooves to wipe the tears off. Great, now I have swamp water in my eyes. Everfree swamp water. Who knows what sort of bacteria exist in that water. Might turn me into a frog for all I know.
“Lilyheart!” I called. And then, quietly, “Answer me, please.”
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. I offer this prayer up for Lilyheart… that she might be safe, and that I can find her. Hail Mary…
I continued on into the forest, but more slowly this time, praying as I went. Rushing won’t do me any good. I already don't know how to find my way back. But what if she needed my help? I kept praying.
My…the horse stomach grumbled; a horrible sensation where I could feel mid-barrel, organs pressing out, kicking in protest for food. How long had I been stumbling through the forest? A half hour, maybe? Still I prayed. I offer up my hunger to you. I offer up my confusion to you. Hail Mary, full of grace…
Upon stepping past a tree, it appeared. A clearing on a subtle slope. Crumbling stone ruins, overgrown with bramble and vine. Two spires remained standing, and some remains of the former wall.
“The Castle of the Two Sisters…” I mumbled.
If Lilyheart had gotten away, maybe she could have hidden here? Maybe whatever it was that grabbed her took her here? Either way, I… trotted with the horse legs towards the ruins. The cinder-colored legs were almost invisible in the night. But it was best I didn’t think about Robinwind’s legs. If I didn’t think about them, the easier it was for me to control them.
Now that I was in the clearing, I could make out the stars glimmering overhead. Starlight. Heh. It was prettier than in the cartoon. Which is odd, because most things here look exactly like the cartoon.
“Lilyheart!”
Mangled bushes were scattered about the entrance. Shattered stone littered the grass, crushing underneath Robinwind’s hooves. I had to admit the crunch was a little bit satisfying. Before me was a short flight of stairs and a grey door.
Rattling of twigs and leaves. I turned to see an amber-colored ball roll out of a bush.
“Huh?”
The ball split open like an Easter egg and looked at me. It was a small rodent. A sort of fuzzy armadillo?
I blinked. Still it stared with these little beady eyes. Two eye sparkles. The artists really liked that look, didn’t they?
“Uhhh…” Great. Here we go again. “Can I help you?”
The pseudo-armadillo opened its mouth–to reveal a set of remarkably sharp teeth. “QRRRRRRAAAAAAAA!”
Dozens of more fuzzy balls jumped out of the bushes and landed near my feet and unfurled to show the same hideous face. Echos of QRRRRRRAAAAA followed.
I jumped back.
“Um. Sorry? I, uh… is this your territory? I’ll leave.” Please don’t hurt me.
More appeared behind me. “QRRRRRRRAAAAAA!”
“Okayrightbye.” I dashed into a gallop towards the castle.
“QRRRRRRAAAAAA!”
Something like darts whizzed through the air and clattered against the ground next to me. I ignored it. And then prickles of pain shot through my flank.
“Yeow!” Were they biting me? Is this what it’s like for an elephant with a lion on its back? Flashes of the little compies from Jurassic Park entered my mind. Videos from the Discovery Channel of a wildebeest with lionesses pouncing on it from behind… until finally it fell to exhaustion to the inevitable end…
Robinwind was an animal. Now, I was an animal. Was I going to die like that? All humanity stripped away. An it.
I looked back. To my surprise, rather than a pile of these little monsters, instead there was a collection of quills embedded into my flank. Wait. These were a kind of Equestrian porcupine?!
And with my luck, they were probably poisonous or something.
“Lilyheart!”
“QRRRRRRAAAAAA!”
To my horror, more porcupines rolled up, cutting off my way to the castle. And they were turning their backs to me. I scrambled with Robinwind’s hooves; trying desperately to turn around and skidding to a halt. Flipping over, I covered my face. More pin pricks in my backside.
I was surrounded. Most of the porcupines had their backs turned to me, the sharp bristles ready to launch into my flesh… Robin’s flesh. The ones that weren’t, kept their mouths agape, the rows of sharp teeth clear in the night. Sharp teeth perfect for tearing into horse flesh.
Robin’s head slumped down, burying his head into his hooves.
“Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed be the fruit of your womb, Jesus…”
“QRRRRRAAAAA!”
Robin pressed his canons into his ears. “Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour–”
VOOOM.
An explosion. But a bit like a lightsaber. Blue light filled my vision through Robin’s hooves. A warmth tickled and soothed. “…Holy Mary?”
Robinwind looked up. The porcupines were fleeing. Waves of sapphire light flared into the night. Almost like a shield of pure light. I could feel each pulse as it passed. It was coming from behind me. But I couldn’t be bothered to look at that now. Because there she was; a woman with a blue veil and a serene face. Stars twinkled in her robes. And there were the holy angels, coming down with their queen. One even lowered a crown upon her head.
I looked eagerly to see the Infant Jesus in her gentle eyes… but my vision cleared before I could get a chance.
The light wasn’t blue, it was violet. The angels were just speckles of light.
And the woman? She was a horse with a purple body. Dark blue hair with streaks of violet and pink. Large wings, and a glowing horn.
Before me stood Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship.
“My name is Midnight Storm,” answered the dark pegasus. “And why are you wandering around the Everfree Forest at night?” The voice was accusatory.
“I wasn’t wandering! That thing,” I pointed a hoof. “Pulled me in! What even is it?”
“You don’t even know what a rattlesnatcher is? How clueless are you?”
“Apparently quite a bit! Believe me, I never would have stepped f-f-f-f-hoof into… the Everfree Forest If I had a choice. But that thing just… snatched me. And it had a rattle. Oh, I get it! A rattlesnatcher!”
Midnight was inspecting the Rattlesnatcher while I talked, poking the head with his hoof. He still had a glare on his face. “The rattlesnatcher will wake up soon. And I won’t save you from it again. Do you know your way back to Ponyville?”
“Ponyville! So it is nearby!”
Midnight looked at me bewildered.
“Oh, uh, no clue.” I found myself instinctively bringing my hoof up to the back of my head and closing my eyes while I answered. That was odd. But I guess normal for ponies?
“Of course, not.” Midnight made a facehoof. “I’ll have to lead you all the way back. Come on, this way,” he said with a flick of his tail.
I trotted over to him, and realized with a start that he was taller than me. Not like Flim and Flam tall, but more like Tempest.
“What is it?” He asked sharply. Everything he said was sharp!
“I…uh…um. Eep!” Great. This always happens. “I…um. I mean…”
Midnight rolled his eyes and turned around wordlessly. And suddenly I can talk again.
“I’m sorry! It’s just that I always get tongue-tied whenever I’m talking to somep-p-p-pony taller than me. It’s weird, I know.” It’s less weird when you’re over six feet tall and you almost never meet someone taller than you. And then one day you try a new church and a guy walks over to introduce himself and you realize he has a whole head on you and you go, “Ielimimeigh!” I hurried to catch up to Midnight.
“Um, Mis…mmer…ter.” Oh my gosh, girl, figure it out! Wait, I’m a girl! Little bits of euphoria bubbled up in my brain. That’s right. I can do whatever I feel like. I’m free. “Mr. Midnight! Thank you for-m-m saving me, sir, and all, but I can’t go to Ponyville. We have to get my friend.”
Midnight stopped walking. “Friend? There was another pony with you?” There was concern on his face. And somehow it was still a glare. “Where?”
“I… uh…” Where exactly had I come from? I looked around, trying to get my bearings. “He was on top of a tree when I was grabbed. He… he would have gotten down and gone after me. Probably followed my tracks here.”
“Then wait here; I’ll fly over and bring him back.” Midnight opened his beautiful wings that swirled with the colors of the night sky.
“Wait! You’re not going to leave me here!” I eyed the rattlesnatcher.
Midnight sighed and folded his wings back. “You’re right. It’s not smart to leave a filly alone.”
“F-filly?” Wait, I wasn’t that young, was I? I looked down at myself. No, this was clearly Lilyheart’s mare form.
“Anypony foolish enough to get lost in the Everfree Forest and can’t be trusted alone, is a filly or a colt. Now, come on. Let’s get your friend before he gets eaten by a banbitbee.” He turned and began walking towards what I assumed was the direction I had come from.
My ears folded back in confusion. I’m supposed to be insulted by this, aren’t I? Too bad I don’t care about things like that. If he wanted to act all tough and better than everyone else, so be it. He did just save me. And he wasn’t wrong. I was all but helpless in the Everfree Forest. And so was Robin. “Banditbee? What are those?” I trotted to catch up, but let him lead the way.
Midnight rolled his eyes. “Ban-bit-bee.”
“...Banditbee?” I honestly have no idea what I’m getting wrong. And I don’t care, either.
Another eye roll from Midnight.
“You know, my mom told me that if you keep doing that, your eyes will get stuck like that,” I said with a grin.
“You really are a filly,” Midnight said in a monotone as he walked.
“So what are banditbees, anyway?”
Oh, was that an eyebrow twitch?
“They eat ponies. There’s nothing else to know.”
“And what were you doing out in Everfree?” I asked.
“I keep fillies and colts like you from getting eaten.” His sharp voice softened a little.
“Thank you for tha–Wah!” My hoof suddenly found itself in a small ditch, and my entire body followed it to the ground. It’s remarkable how little pain these bodies feel.
“Do you need me to carry you, too?” asked Midnight, unimpressed. Wait, was that a smirk? Just the slightest corner of– He turned around again before I could be sure. Was that schadenfreude? Or just sadism?
I got up and instinctively shook myself before looking at what I had tripped over. Drag marks leading up to two holes resting aside a thick root. “This is where I fought the rattlesnatcher…” A spike of adrenaline in my heart.
Midnight kept walking. “What do you mean fought?”
Once again, I trotted to catch up. “Yeah. At first I managed to get free. But then five more vines appeared, and there wasn’t anything I could do.”
Midnight was quiet. I hated that. It reminded me of my parents. I would talk and talk to them, just thirsty for any attention. But they would only respond when absolutely necessarily. I was just a distraction. For the first time since coming to Equestria, I felt–
“That’s… not bad,” he answered.
My ear perked up. Did he compliment me? He complimented me! “Thanks,” I giggled.
Midnight only made a “Hmm.”
Another silence fell, but I felt less dour about it. I took the change to examine his cutie mark. It was hard to see, a dark color on a dark pelt. But I could make out the outline of a black tornado and a blue lightning bolt behind it. His coat continued to twinkle, as though he was made from the night sky himself. He was almost like a male Luna, like he was a relative. Wait…
“So, Midnight, what are your parents like?” That probably wasn’t as subtle as I’d like. Who randomly asks about somebody’s parents?
“I won’t talk about my parents. Understand?”
His tone was that of anger. Incredible anger. But still controlled. Like a parent seconds from spanking their child. The subject was done.
The shift in tone surprised me so much it took me a few moments to work up the courage to utter an apology. My ears pressed back against my head. “I’m sorry,” I finally mumbled, and brushed a lock of hair out of my face. “It’s just that, I thought you looked a bit like Princess Luna…” Great. If we aren’t in the Equestria from the show, then dropping that name would complicate things.
“I’m not related to Princess Luna, if that’s what you’re asking. Or any of the princesses.”
Ears, pointed up. It was so fun feeling them react. I scratched the back of my neck. It felt like something touched my mane, but I felt nothing but curly hair.
“Your coat though–”
“Is nothing special. Not everypony is born with bland color.”
Okay, I guess that makes sense. There’s ponies like Rainbow Dash, afterall. Wait, bland color? Did he just try to insult me again? My coat is not a bland color, thank you very much! But I bit my tongue. It’s harder to get under my skin than that!
“Got it!” I said with a smirk. “So, you were just born all sparkly and pretty.”
“I am not sparkly.”
I giggled. “Oh, you are so sparkly!” I said with a hoof over my mouth.
“And I regret saving you from the rattlesnatcher,” Midnight said in a monotone.
“Eh? You’d be bored without me.” But that brought another question to my mind. “Do you have any friends that you hang out with in the forest?”
There was silence for a moment. Nothing but the crunching of twigs underhoof, and an occasional strange, alien sounding bird call.
“No,” he answered. “I don’t need friends.”
My ears flicked down again. No friends? In Equestria? On earth, I could understand. I didn’t have many friends. Heck, without Robin… But Equestria ran on friendship! Without it… something was missing; something essential. Something dire, a physical need as important as protein or oxygen. Lose too much of it, and the windigos come.
But, maybe that said something about our world, too. Maybe literal monsters don’t appear, at least not visible ones. But without friendship and the bonds that tie us together… societal collapse. Depression. Hatred. Racism. Meaninglessness. Broken families. I guess friendship in our world is just as an intricate component in our world too; a fundamental law that must be followed like gravity. Remove it, and everything comes apart.
But how to respond to Midnight? And it’s not like I can force him to have friends. No more than Robin could force me. But it’s not my business. Not that never stopped me before… Maybe… I looked at him with the corner of my eyes. He seemed to enjoy the silence I was giving him. But what might he be thinking about, in that secret heart of his, shroud in the shadows as everything else about him. But behind it, there must be… pain.
I took a breath. This isn’t the sort of thing I normally do. My heart rapidly thumped. Okay. Okay. You can do this. You’re a girl, Andr–Lilyheart. Your name is Lilyheart, and you’re a girl!
But what did that have to do wi–
I slapped my cheek with a hoof. Midnight looked back at me with a little surprise. Now or never, Lilyheart.
“I’ll be your friend, then,” I said with a forced smile. Oh, that was awkward. That was awkward. Ehhhhhhhh! Fight the urge to cover your head with your hooves! Fight it!
Midnight looked at me with an even greater surprise. “I don’t need friends,” he said simply and turned to keep walking.
“But every-p-p-p-pony needs friends!” I scrambled to keep up, and ignored how fast my heart was still thumping.
“Not me,” came the answer with a flick of his tail. Dang, that thing was long. Did anypony else have a tail that long? Maybe Fluttershy?
“One thing I’ve learned is that you don’t get to choose your friends. At least, not completely. Sometimes, they choose you.” But I didn’t have the energy to do what Robin did. How could I seriously think–
“I said no.” Another tail flick.
Eh. Careful… “But we’re already doing what friends do! Walking along together, talking, protecting each other from danger…” There’s something else I can add to that list, right? Uh…
“And the longer we walk, the more I consider leaving.”
“Joke! Friends joke with each other! That was a good one! I can always appreciate a good deadpan insult!”
Midnight groaned.
Heh. Beautiful friendship commenced! “Driving each other nuts! Another thing friends do!” I said as I began hopping behind Midnight.
“I would say we at least have that in spades, but it would only go over your head, wouldn’t it?”
“Nothing goes over my head. I’m too fast, I would catch it,” I said while still hopping.
“Tell me you’re not that dense.”
I made a horse prrrbrbrbrb sound with my lips. “You kidding? There’s more air in here than fat,” I said while knocking a hoof on my noggin. Taking metaphors literally to make a joke; unfortunately, you just walked into my speciality, Midnight!
His tail suddenly slapped my nose. “Oww–”
“Quiet!” hissed Midnight, his hoof held into the air to warn me to stop. He halted, but wasn’t looking at me. Instead, he was looking around, his ears darting about. Searching. Listening. But I heard nothing.
“Run!” He barked while opening his wings. Two figures appeared out of the bushes and grabbed him from either side. All three blew past me back into the shadows.
“Mid–” A third figure appeared. This time from the canopy. She descended slowly towards me. Her coat was dark green, and her mane short and cyan. Her pupils were shaped like slits, and her wings in a different yet so familiar shape.
“You should know better than to wander around in Everfree at the hour of midnight!” said the batpony.
Her eyes were sympathetic. She took a step forward. Stars seemed to shimmer in her coat. I scooted away. Twilight opened her mouth as if to say something, but then seemed to think better of it. There was a burst of white light, and she was gone.
God, am I insane? None of this can be real. I should have known when I first thought I was a horse. It’s like what happened to Nebuchadnezzar. He started acting like a horse, didn’t he? Or maybe a cow. But it was a real medical condition.
The reason why I can’t find Lilyheart is because she’s not here. She never was… no, he never was. Andrew was never here; and he was never a girl. He was always a man. This was either a dream; maybe I always dream this vividly, but never remember them? Or I’m having some sort of psychotic break. How am I supposed to become a priest now? Obviously, there’s medication. I’ll have to try that once… whatever this is, ends.
I laughed. And laughed more. Turning into a horse! Of course! It’s like my worst nightmare come true. Andrew going off the deep end, my life taken over my ponies, and my humanity stolen… the only thing worse would be if my mother got hurt somehow… or if she turned into a horse. I wrinkled my nose at the thought. Nope, I really don’t like that idea.
The stars in the sky were at least beautiful. That’s why they looked different from the show; because this isn’t real.
“Okay, Father, please end this! Please give me back my mind and body! I want my sanity back! I want to go back to the re–no, I was never not in the real world–I would like for this hallucination to end. Or to wake up from this dream! Please?”
There was silence in the night, naught but the distant ribbits of frogs and strange calls from the trees. A prickle ran through my heart. What if this is real? But I ignored it. This obviously isn’t reality. I know reality; this clearly isn’t.
I stood up. The needles still hurt. The flank was going numb. But I don’t have to worry about that now. “St. Michael the Archangel!” I cried to the sky. “Defend us in battle, and be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into h-h-h-Tartarus… St. Michael, cast him away, and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls!”
Satan will not win! “Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus I–”
There was a sudden rumble, and a crack, and the next thing I knew, I was falling. Falling, falling, into the darkness below.
Now, Robin, tell me the truth: have you ever eaten a bat? Was that a smile and grin in the shadows?
“Oof!” Solid ground. The jack-o-lantern face was gone.
I looked around; but all I could see was black. I stood up and found I was still a pony. Yes, those were hooves. But I could see a door, white as snow. I ran towards it. A pony galloped towards the light. Clop, clop, clop.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
***
I was awake. Sweaty sheets stuck to my skin. My uncle’s clock was there. Tick tock. Tick tock.
It was a dream! Relief washed over me. I raised my hands into the air. Hands. My hands. I wiggled my toes and fingers. This was normal. This was reality. This is what I’m supposed to be like. A human.
I quickly removed my soaked clothes while starting my morning prayers. What day was it, anyway? What was yesterday… I remember going to the Con… what happened afterwards?
Tick tock. Tick tock.
My phone! Sunday! I have to get ready for Mass. But first, a shower. I grabbed my things and rushed out to the hallway, ignoring the streak of violet in the mirror.
Once in the hallway, I glanced over to Andrew’s door. Snoring. He wouldn’t get up this early. He never did. But at least it meant I was free for a few hours. So few hours. At least he managed to fall asleep before the sun rose.
***
Eggs cracking against the counter, the puff of the stove lighting, the sizzling of the yolk and bacon... Sunny side up today. Cooking. I live for this.
“Have you tried VPN? Peeee-N!
It’s clearly the best,
To put big bro to the test!
Blocks the gov, so you can rest!
Take that, fascist Hooo-ver! Hoover!
Watch it when you’re ready!
Pirate as you waaaaaaaaant
With a nice black coffee!”
I took a swig from my canteen after finishing the chorus. A new sticker of Twilight’s cutie mark was on it. Dang it, Andrew.
“More like a nice bottle of water,” cut in a different voice.
“Can I offer you an egg in these trying times, Mom?”
“I’m not certain what the times have to do with it, but please.”
***
Two plates on the table made for six. Mom on one side, me on the other. Praying over the food. Clattering of metal forks on glass. Bacon. Sweet, savory bacon.
“I am so glad the Old Covenant was done away with,” I said. “And I’m not a herbivore.”
“I understand. But I still feel sorry for the animals,” said Andrew, sitting beside me; Fluttershy in his lap. I glanced at the filthy plushie and the mane matted into dreadlocks… Can’t you at least take care of it?
“Andrew! I’m sorry, I didn’t make anything!”
“That’s okay, I have my poptarts.” And there they were, on his plate. Dry, cancer-inducing, processed sugar-filled excuses for pastries, with pink frosting and little ponies atop. They actually got Twilight really accurately on it.
“That reminds me. I’ll have to tell you a dream I had. You’ll love it, but I hated it.”
“Hm…” thought Andrew. “That means it was about ponies.”
Dang it. Always right. Andrew smirked.
“Maybe a dream where you got married to AJ… or married to Diana, and your children were ponies?”
“Ew! No!” I exclaimed with a blush. “You are right, I would not like that, but no. I’ll tell you the dream if you can finish your homework for Monday’s class tonight.”
“Hmm…” Andrew muttered.
***
The scent of incense. Lilies and lavender decorated the altar. A painting of Mary, her feet upon the head of a horned snake with yellow eyes. A statue of St. Agnes, holding her little lamb. Rainbow beams trickled from the stained windows. A marble altar, and behind it, the Tabernacle where my Lord lived. This is where I belonged.
“It is truly right and just, our duty and salvation, always and everywhere to give you thanks, Father most holy, through your beloved Son, Jesus…” Father Ron was saying.
Andrew’s fidgeting was distracting me. I side-eyed him. There, in his hands, was that stupid Fluttershy plushie! He never brought her in before! Hot blood cycled through my veins. The carelessness! I thought you at least knew how to be reverent! Ugh. Fluttershy looked a little different. It looked like it was smirking, almost as if to say, “I know something you don’t!” I guess I never noticed.
“...with the Angels and all the Saints we declare your glory, as with one voice we acclaim,” finished Father Ron.
“Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Hosts,” I echoed with the others.
The kneelers clattered down, and the creaking of wood echoed through the sanctuary. Finally, we get to kneel before the Eucharist. Calm down, Matt. I took a breath. That’s right, it’s not my place to judge. Here, you’re here to worship Him, to present everything you are to Him.
And I adore You, Lord. I want You. Take my heart and all I am… burn everything of me away until there’s left but You…
“We come to You, Father, with praise and thanksgiving…” continued the priest.
Andrew held Fluttershy so that she looked like she was kneeling, her forelegs bent upwards as though in prayer.
“Remember, Lord, Your people, especially those for whom we now pray…” said Father Ron.
“I’m here, Big Brother Jesus!” came the cry of a young girl.
I looked to my right. Andrew was gone. Sitting on the pew in his place, was a small pony. Pastel blue, and a curly mane the color of butterscotch pudding.
It was Lilyheart, but she was a foal. The Fluttershy plush had shrunk to fit squarely in the little pony’s elbows.
“I’m here, Big Brother Jesus!” cheered the foal, hopping up and down.
“Quiet!” I hissed at her.
I looked back to the altar. My hands were gone, replaced with two charcoal-colored hooves.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the draconic snake, his coils wriggling underneath Mary’s feet. “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“I love You, Jesus! I love You, Jesus!” Lilyheart was dancing in the aisle now.
“What’s wrong Ma–” Mom said. The colors around her swirled into a blurry mess. And then it reformed into a new picture “What’s wrong, Robin?” asked the purple pony next to me.
“My goodness!” said one mare in front of us. She took out a jar, opened it, took out two brow-shaped pickles, and placed them above her eyes. “Do these eyebrows make me look fat?” she asked her husband.
A few more ponies were dancing in the aisles, now.
“Tick tock, tick tock,
The mouse ran off the clock
Tick tock, tick tock,
A pocket full of rocks!
Ashes! Ashes!
Duck, duck, Goose!”
The ponies collapsed into a bow towards the altar. Where the priest once stood, was now Big Mac, but in priest’s robes. “Behold!” his voice boomed. “The horse of Harmony! Behold she who takes away the disharmony of the world. Blessed are those called to the supper of Friendship!”
He rose his forelegs into the air for all to see, and between his hooves was a toy figurine of Celestia.
Snap.
I scrambled over the pews.
“HOW DARE YOU!”
My hoof socked Big Mac’s confused face. He fell to the ground. And so did the toy.
The horse hooves slammed upon it. Again, again. Again! Nothing but splinters of white plastic. I turned back to Big Mac. “YOU DARE INSULT MY LORD?”
I grabbed him by the robes and tore them off. “You aren’t worthy of these!” I threw him off the stairs. The statue of Agnes was replaced with a pony statue. I ran up to it and knocked it over. My forelegs grasped around it–these stupid hooves!–And I threw it into the pews.
“OUT OF HERE, ALL OF YOU! GET OUT!”
The brown and grey snake was snickering. I tore it off and lit it on fire from the candles. Smokey yellow eyes drifted away.
“GET OUT!” I shrieked at the remaining ponies.
I turned my attention to the Tabernacle, and dropped to my knees before breaking down into tears. My Lord, forgive them. Forgive me. Jesus, what is happening?
“M-Matt, help me, please!” asked a quiet voice.
Little Lilyheart was the only pony left in the room, pinned underneath the statue I had thrown. Her little barrel beat up and down so quickly, like a little rabbit. Her eyes were scared. I placed a hoof upon the stone atop her.
“Or, I have another idea!” said a familiar voice. A long tongue of flame grew out of the candle I had burnt the snake from. It coiled, constricted, and with a snap, Discord stood there. “Two friends, always together, willing to simply trot into the magma of Mount Doom for each other! To Tartarus and back again! How sweet! How… prrrrrecious.” His eyes flashed.
“Go away,” I mumbled.
“But why? Especially since I was about to give you a way out of this pony nightmare of yours.” Discord coiled around Lilyheart and I. “Oh, what a… cute, little filly,” he said, stroking a talon across Lilyheart’s scared cheek. She shivered. “Tell me, Matthew, don’t you ever tire of being the adoptive parent of this man-child stuck in a pony daydream?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.
“Why, nothing at all. Except that this is your future… So long as you stay with Andrew, this is your inevitable end. Four hooves, a dashing soot coat, and a mane that just leaves one dying for peanut butter ice cream! Living off a healthy diet of grass, carrot dogs, cupcakes, and the occasional nibble of a daisy or so…” He took a sniff of a lavender, stuck his tongue out in disgust, and gulped a vase of lilies whole. But I mostly just kept my gaze on the shaking little Lilyheart before me. Her forelegs still wrapped around Fluttershy. I turned away.
“What do you want?”
Discord snapped his fingers again. A burst of light appeared at the Tabernacle. A portal.
“To give you a chance at freedom! To help you realize that you two aren’t friends! And you never were! That little thing, as cute as it looks, is just a leech. Sure, it pretended to support you, but that was all just an act. Before you knew what happened, that has been sucking the life force out of you! Think about why you have so little time on your hands. Think about why you got here in the first place! She will choose the ponies over you, eventually. And then you’ll be stuck here. Forever.”
I looked at the swirling pool of light obscuring the Tabernacle. I looked at the blue pony.
“What will it be, Robinwind?” asked the draconequus. “Back to being a human, to your precious Jesus? Or do you want to remain a cartoon equine forever?”
“Robin, don’t leave me!” cried the little filly, tears running down her little cheeks. “Don’t leave me alone!”
“Oh, prrrbrbrbrb,” said Discord. “Like she’ll ever be alone! She’ll find another pony to help her out soon enough. That’s how her kind is. She’ll always be dependent on you, unless you leave.”
I said nothing.
Discord placed a talon on my right hoof. A flash, and it was a hand.
“My offer won’t last forever,” he said. An hourglass appeared beside him. “Tick tock, Matthew. Or, should I say, Robinwind?”
One hand. One hoof. I looked between the two of them.
“I can’t be a pony,” said a voice. My voice. I turned towards the portal.
“M-Matt!” whined Lilyheart. Her eyes. A completely different color from Andrew’s, yet somehow, still, there seemed to be something of him still left.
“Can I at least free him, first?” I asked.
Discord scoffed and snapped. The statue was gone. In its place was a crib, with Lilyheart in it. “Hey!” he shouted with a glare towards Discord.
“I can’t leave you,” I told Andrew. “I have to help you. You’re a human, too.” I reached into the crib.
The bars suddenly climbed to the ceiling. A buzzing sound went off.
“Nope! Nada! Not happening!” said Discord holding a giant X. “You leave without her, or not at all!”
“What? That’s not fair!” I protested.
“Ask her yourself,” Discord shot back.
Those eyes. Turquoise and teal. It was Fluttershy’s eye colors. Just like Andrew requested.
“I won’t go back!” Andrew said. “I’m a girl, Matt. Stay with me!”
“You’re not!” I barked back. “Andrew, please. You’re a man. God made you a man. And a human! Are you really going to sacrifice your humanity? Are you going to reject God’s plan?”
“I’m not rejecting anything! God made me a girl! I’m not a mistake! He made me this way,” he said, swinging his hooves about him. “He knew what I was inside! I’m not ashamed of that! I didn’t transition before because it didn’t feel right! But now, thanks to God, I can be me!”
“And why do you even want me to stay?”
“Because you’re my friend,” he said with scoff. “Isn’t that enough?
“Tick tock,” said Discord.
“But if you had to choose, me or the ponies… me or being a girl, which would you choose?” I asked.
Andrew looked down at himself for a moment. “I would choose this.”
My heart fell. “Then I can’t help you.” I fought back tears. “Goodbye, Andrew.”
I walked towards the portal.
“Matt! Matt! Don’t leave me here with Discord, Matt!”
I placed a hoof into the portal. It felt like walking on a grate blowing air upward. Another hoof.
“Matt!”
“Good luck, Robinwind!” cheered Discord. “Until we meet again.”
I might as well have just walked through a Stargate. Suddenly, I was shooting forth; nothing but sparkles and streaks of color around me.
And then I was shooting through the sky. A shooting star. I was tumbling, round and round like dancing laundry. But amidst the rotating chaos, I was very aware of one thing for certain.
I still had hooves. I was still a pony.
“Discoooorrrrrrd!”
Wind blasted through my ears. Was this how I died? If only I choose to be a pegasus. I chose the name Robinwind for an earth pony, and now I’m going to die from falling damage. Hail Mary, full of Grace…
It was hard to make out any features; I was spinning too fast. But there were stars. I could tell that. Stars up, and then down, and then up again, and a vast darkness in the opposite direction. Blessed are you among wo–
CRASH. Leaves. Broken branches. Snapping twigs. Was that an angry bird? Robin, meet Robin. Rolling, rolling, like a tumbleweed. More branches snapping in half as I swung wildly. There was a momentary pause before I crashed into something soft, and SMACK. I was on the ground. But the world was still spinning.
I dashed behind a tree to get away from the green bat pony. Should I run away? I can keep her away just by going in circles around the tree–
“Aww, is the little unicorn scared?” asked the batpony.
But can a unicorn outrun or dodge a batpony? Since this was Lilyheart’s body, the one I helped create, she ought to have the same stats as I would choose. Like a video game. So, I’m probably high speed, stamina, and mana, but with ridiculously low physical defense and attack.
“Do you really think you could hide from a batpony?” she hissed. She was directly behind the tree now.
I probably do have decent stealth. But from this close? I darted into a bush. Then behind another tree.
“Oh, don’t be scared,” the batpony said musically. “Just give into Mother Night’s embrace. Accept that you’re one of ours now.”
What the heck are you talking about? There was something else I was good at. At home, it was the only thing. Debating. Distracting people from the important points just to evade answering an unfortunate question. I took a breath and stepped out from behind the tree.
“Aww, accepting your fate! How lovely!”
Let’s play, Bats.
“Not exactly,” I said with a grin. “What sort of fate are you talking about?”
Bats hovered there with a confused look. And then she laughed. A raspy laugh. “Why, only the greatest fate known to ponykind!” she said with a pointy grin. “A chance to become an adoptive child of Mother Night!”
“And who exactly is Mother Night?” I asked. It can’t be Luna, Midnight would have said some–
Bats was looking at me with complete shock. Even anger. “You mean to say that you don’t know who the Walker of Dreams is? The Queen of the Night? She who will bring an end to sunlight and usher in an era of eternal darkness?”
Okay, that sounds a lot like Luna. What the heck is going on? “Oh, that Mother of Night. See…” This could get me in trouble. “I kind of get her confused with Princess Luna.”
Bats blinked. “You dare?” she hissed. “Luna is pathetic. Luna is weak. Luna was incapable of doing what was necessary!” Bats was getting uncomfortably close. I don’t like how clearly I can see her canines. Wait, what if she can bite me and drain my blood?
My smile cracked a little, but I forced it back. “Okay, okay; take it easy!” I stepped backwards while waving my right foreleg. “I always thought Luna was overrated. But before I agree to become a child of Mother Night, you have to tell me more about this. Like, what does that mean?”
“Why, it means being infused with her magic, of course! You would make a goo… well, a decent reemicorn. And we do need more of them.”
“And what is a reemicorn?”
“Oh, you’ll find out soon enough…” Bats was hovering ever closer.
“Please, tell me more about Mother Night!” I said while taking another step back.
“Why explain, when I can show you?” said Bats with the widest grin she had shown.
Our conversation was interrupted by what sounded like a sparkler. There was a strange pressure just above my forehead, and a little warmth.
Bats leapt at me, only to slam into a translucent, turquoise, heart-shaped shield.
And then it was gone, and Bats fell to her hooves.
“Stupid unicorns and your magic,” she grumbled.
“Huh?” The strange pressure faded away. And then came back with increasable force. Painful force. Suddenly, I had the strangest floating sensation.
“Put me down this instant!” Bats barked.
Oh, I was floating. And so was Bats, encased in the same translucent turquoise. Small pebbles and twig branches circled us in the air. But more than just seeing them, I could feel them. Their texture. Their weight. Bats thrashing about. Sensations flared through my mind.
I whimpered with a grimace, clenching my jaws and eyes shut tight. It reminded me of when I was a child sitting in the backseat of my grandma’s car, and the sun was simply too bright, even with my eyes closed, so I had to throw a blanket over myself. Or when grocery shopping and there were just too many people, and I felt like screaming at anyone who got within a foot of me. Or when I was trying to do homework and the neighbor was playing EDM, and I could feel the bass echo in my ribcage; and I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t focus.
It was something I had witnessed many a time when I worked in special ed: sensory overload.
“Ahhhhhhh!”
Burning. Fire. The top of my head was on fire. Turquoise light flashed through my shut eyelids.
“Lilyheart!” Midnight’s voice. I could feel him, too. His strong legs and mighty wings. Each delicate feather. All in my telekinetic grasp. “Lilyheart, you have to regain control!”
“I… can’t,” I mumbled through gritted teeth. “H–help…” Flame. Sore. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
I could feel Midnight’s expression. Shock, fear… concern. And the squirrel I awoke, his little heart almost beating out of his little chest. And the frail twig as it… slowly… bent… and snapped in half. Each little splinter. I snapped it in half. Sizzling. Bubbling pain.
“What’s wrong with you, foal!” shouted Bats. She was afraid, now. Her body was cold. “Get control of your magic!”
I could only suppress a scream in response.
“You, do something!” Bats.
“Do I look like a unicorn? What am I supposed to do?” Midnight.
Rattling leaves as I ripped them off the branches of the closest tree. Each little fiber curling up. And then pulled tighter. Tighter. Until squished into leaf mush. Wet, like finger paint.
Something broke through my bubble of control. A hurling comet. Faster than I could sense. Faster than I could grasp. Collision into my side. I let out a gasp, and then–freedom. Everything… gone.
I slammed into a trunk and fell to the ground. The top of my head felt numb. Something smelt burnt.
“Where’d you come from?” asked Bats.
My vision was blurry. Headache. Hammer in. Hammer out. Hammer in. Hammer out.
A starry shadow shot into Bats, sending her into another tree. Midnight… Bats disappeared from view.
Hammer in.
A grey figure seemed to be stumbling about. Robin?
Hammer out.
Strange colors crisscrossed over everything I saw.
Hammer in.
“I think…” I mumbled.
Movement. People were working; going about their busy lives. The urge to wake up struck me–but no, I don’t have work today. I can rest. I can sleep…
Swing up, swing down. Swing up, swing down. Someone was pushing me on the swing. I was sitting in a way that would make Lyra proud. My tail dragged on the foamy ground underneath.
“Little pony, arri arrò,” sang a singsong voice. Each beat at the end of the swing’s arc.
“Little pony, arri arrò,
Little pony, arri arrò,
Eat the hay that I give you,
Follow the reins that I pull you,
Down to Mr. San Francisco!
Little pony, arri arrò!”
A small unicorn was pushing me; a foal, coat white as snow, and her mane, a subtle silver. Slender, white ribbons tied into her tail and mane, decorated with little star beads. Her eyes were a deep indigo, and upon her flank was a singular white lily.
“At my lil’ monastery,
Three nuns workin’ weary,
Sew-ing, snitch-ing,
Strawhats, they a’makin’!
Little pony, arri arrò
Little pony, arri arrò!”
“I like your cutie mark,” I said simply.
“I like yours, too!” she smiled. “Kick your legs when you come towards me! That’s how you learn to do this yourself!”
“I know how to swing myself.” But I did as she told me anyway, kicking legs from her hooves, and bending my knees as I got farther away. Knees? Is that what you even call them?
“Sunshine, sunshine,
Ladybugs awake!
Clap your hooves,
And do a little shake!”
The little unicorn pushed me with particular force upon the word shake, starling me for a moment. I giggled.
“That’s Cadance and Twilight’s thing,” I told her.
“Well, they’re basically sisters. It could be our thing, too.”
I looked down at the unicorn, curious. She turned to her side, and for the first time, I noticed her right hind leg was gone. Instead was an ethereal, swirling mist of light.
How could I have missed–
I slammed my hooves into the ground, looking at the young filly in the eyes. She was grinning, now, a grin I knew. A face I knew! Eyes, expression, pony or not, I knew!
“S–sister!?” I spluttered.
“It’s time to wake up now, little sis,” she said while gently booping my nose.
Darkness. Voices. Tired. So tired. I want to go back… But maybe… I think I need to be awake.
My eyes fluttered open.
Two blue pony legs danged below me, a mossy ground passing underneath. There was a rhythmic swing back and forth. I could make out Robinwind’s charcoal-colored right side. He was carrying me on his back.
“Want to explain how a fully-grown unicorn hasn’t learned how to control her magic?” Midnight asked.
“It’s something we’re trying to figure out. That’s why we’re going to Ponyville,” answered Robinwind. I could feel his voice rumble through his back into my chin and belly.
“How long has she had this problem?”
“Not long…” mumbled Robin.
Good one. A lie by telling the truth.
My horn still felt sore. I hope I didn’t damage it. My thoughts drifted back to what had happened. So, I could use magic. But even thinking about what happened was disorienting. Nearly being eaten by a rattlesnatcher, being ponified, batponies, whoever the heck Mother Night is, and…
My dream! Antonietta! My sister! My dear sister!
Was that really you?
It was just like her. Mischievous. Charismatic. Clever. She always knew how to pull a joke that would make even the person tricked to laugh. But she could be introspective, too. Caring and humble. And brave. So, very brave…
Pain gnawed my heart. I want to go back…
“What’s your special talent? Your cutie mark, I mean…” asked Robin.
“I’m good at flying. Nothing more to it,” curtly answered Midnight. “How long have you two been friends?”
“A few years…”
“And where did you two meet?”
“Um… we met in…”
“San Filliesco,” I mumbled, my vision-dream still on my mind. “More like the outskirts, really.”
“An-n–n-l-Lilyheart! You’re awake!” Robin halted.
“Can I sleep for five more hours?” I really wouldn’t mind it. So few things are as comforting as waking up, realizing you don’t have to do anything, and laying there, dozing. But I doubt I could fall back asleep.
“If you really need to, but I’d rather you get off my back. If you can.”
“How?” I said while wiggling my legs to make my point. Robin bent his neck and withers downward suddenly, causing me to roll off into the dirt.
“Wah!”
“Sorry! I didn’t think you’d fall that fast!” He looked down at me.
“No problem!” I said from the ground. We were still in the forest at night. Midnight looked at me almost seeming bored, while Robin with concern. “So, what happened, anyway?”
“Midnight is leading us to Ponyville. You blacked out after… I guess after your magic went haywire?”
“Yeah, I remember that part…” I tenderly placed a hoof on my horn. It was sensitive, but it didn’t feel like anything was burnt. I could feel a subtle pulse in it. “So, you two met each other already? No fair! I didn’t even get to introduce you!”
“Hurry up, you two are wasting my time,” answered Midnight as he began walking off.
“Don’t worry about me, I’m absolutely peachy! Thanks for being…” I trailed off when I saw what was on Midnight’s back. Or, more specifically, who.
Thrashing about uselessly was a dark green mass tied up with vines. Bats.
“Mrhrrrrm!” she glared at me. A collection of thorny tendrils were wrapped around her mouth.
“Nice to see you too…” I mumbled.
“Are you okay?” Robin asked me.
“I think I’ll be fine.” I rolled over and stood up. “I don’t feel dizzy. No flashing lights or anything. My horn’s just sore is all.”
“Good,” answered Robin. “You scared us.”
“Speak for yourself!” called back Midnight.
I coughed in laughter. “Oooh, Robin, you’re soo going to have to tell me what his reaction was when I went out! I can imagine it now…” I brought one hoof to my chest, swung my other foreleg for emphasis, and closed my eyes. “No, Lilyheart, don’t die! My first friend can’t die like this! You will suffer my revenge, oh batty minions of Mother Night! Wait, how long was I out, anyway?”
Midnight swished his tail like an annoyed cat. His figure was growing more distant. Robin and I trotted to catch up. This is normal for Midnight, isn’t it? Waits for no man nor pony! Except when he does.
“Is she always this annoying?” Midnight asked Robin.
“Yes. But normally only to me.”
“How insulting! I’m at least annoying to a few others! Let’s see here, first there’s–”
I suddenly found a hoof in my mouth, and I was unable to speak. Midnight’s hoof.
“Please. Quiet. This has been a long night. It was so much quieter before you woke up. And. That. Is how. I like it.” His voice didn’t sound angry. Just… tired.
Was I always this talkative? I mean, sometimes, but–
“Please?” Midnight asked again.
I nodded. Midnight removed his hoof. It was a weird feeling, like pulling magnets apart. Except, I was one of the magnets. And now my lips now had a strange taste on them. Blah.
Robin was looking at us with wide eyes as Midnight continued on through the forest. I tried making expressions with my face to ask why, but he only shook his head and walked on.
“Mrrrhm!” mumbled Bats. Well said, my friend. Well said.
I estimated we walked for another half-hour. The amount of times I wanted to say something… but I held my tongue. Torture. Can I be knocked out again? I still have questions! I have more jokes to make!
The world around us became brighter as we stepped into a clearing. The forest stopped abruptly, replaced with a scattering of a completely different species of tree. Simpler, nicer, somehow innocent looking trees.
The sky was turning a gentle shade of purple. We were evidently on a slope, because we were overlooking a valley. Little lights sparkled down below us. City lights.
I was surprised I could walk so long without the horse legs growing tired. And even though Andrew’s current form looked to be about the same size and weight as me, somehow he was quite light. But pain still surged every few seconds from the flanks of this wretched horse body, and even if the horse wasn’t tired, I was. We woke up early for the Con, and I had spent the day before driving. So, in the past 48 hours, I’ve only had about seven hours of sleep.
“This is where I leave you,” said Midnight. “Or do you need me to hoof-hold you all the way to the motel? Or perhaps the daycare?”
“I think we’ll be fine from here,” I answered.
Andrew stepped between us. “Does this mean I can talk again?”
“No,” Midnight and I answered in sync. We looked at each other in surprise.
“Mrrrhmmp!” said the batpony.
“Jinx, you two owe me a soda,” Andrew said quietly.
“That’s not how that works!” I told him. Please, not right now, Andrew!
“It’s how it could work!” he said in a stupid singsong voice.
Midnight dramatically opened his beautiful wings. His entire body was something like gothic architecture in pony form. Beautiful, dark, mysterious. If he were a character on the show, I’d love his design, but I’d hate his tough ‘oh, I’m so edgy and cool’ personality. Just get over yourself and smile when people say thank you, dude. It’s not that hard. But he’s the kind of character Andrew would love and rant about while I was trying to prepare for bed or cook dinner.
“Wait, M-M-Midnight!” called Andrew.
The emo pony didn’t bother looking back at us, and swished his tail. But he didn’t fly away; instead he simply stood there, waiting. The batpony rested limply on his back, glaring at Andrew.
“How do we get in touch with you? Wh-w-where do you live?” Andrew asked. Why are you stuttering?
“You don’t,” answered Midnight. With a great gust and a flap of his wings, Midnight took to the air and quickly began ascending to the sky.
“Hrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm!” screeched the batpony through the gag.
“Darn it, Midnight!” Andrew yelled back. “Come back here, you… you… you winged horse, you! I’ll wander around the Everfree Forest again! Next time I see you, my tongue will jabber so quickly you’ll… you’ll cower before my words of esteemed excellence! Dang it! Thank you for saving me, you jerk!” He shook a blue hoof in the air at the quickly disappearing black dot into the violet sky.
“What the heck?” I practically coughed. “Why are you acting like that? He saved us, and led us to Ponyville. Why should he give us anything more?”
“Because he…” Andrew stopped to think. “Because he reminded me of me. When I was depressed. He told me he didn’t have any friends, got angry when I asked about his parents, and even though he acted annoyed, he liked my jokes. Joked back, even. Plus… I don’t know how it looked when he was fighting with the bats, but, when he was fighting the rattlesnatcher… I… it was incredible. I don’t even know how to describe it. He… the monster fr-f-fr-fetting… fetting? What even is that? I wasn’t even trying to cuss. I was trying to say f-f-fr-fetlocks.” Andrew blinked. “I can say jerk, but not f-fr-f-fetlocks? Fetlocks.”
I smirked at his frustration.
“Whatever!” he continued. “The rattlesnatcher fr-fr-fetting snapped a whole tree in half! Like it was nothing! And he fought it. Came out of nowhere and took it out! It took me everything to get out of a single vine, and he just cut through all of them while looking like he was just practicing a ballet routine or something!”
“I didn’t get to see much of what happened with the batponies. I was really disoriented when he was tying up the one you saw him carrying. And by the time I could actually stand up again,” I ‘hoofed’ the ground. “I noticed you were unconscious and tried to wake you up. Midnight told me there were others, but they got away.”
“How did he react to me being unconscious, by the way?” Andrew said with a devious smirk and a risen eyebrow.
“Why do you want to know? I don’t think it’s important.” The teasing goes both ways, Andrew.
“Because he smiled at one of my jokes! I saw it! He pretended to not care, but he saved me! Tell me, please!” Andrew dropped to the ground and wrapped his forelegs around mine. Her eyes–his eyes had three sparkles again and his pupils got wide.
“Okay, okay, get off!” I jumped away. “He didn’t react at all. No expression. He just walked over to you and put his hoof on your forehead. After that, he picked you up and put you on my back and said he thought you would be fine.”
Andrew looked thoughtful for a moment and suddenly turned away. Wait, was that a–
“How’d you get there, anyway? You came out of the sky, didn’t you?” He looked back at me.
It was my turn to look away. Stupid ears, twitching. Stupid tail, swishing. “Discord.”
“Discord? What did he want?” I could see Andrew out of my peripheral, his blue head tilting to the side. “And was he reformed or evil?”
“I don’t know.” Tail still swishing. “He… offered me a chance to go home. And to be a h-h-h-horse…” Silence. Lil-Andrew waited expectantly for me to finish. “You know what I mean.”
“And what did you say?”
Dang, Andrew! Always perceptive. Always the questions. I looked down at the valley, to the tiny little flickering lights growing dimmer in the steadily brightening sky. “I said I wouldn’t leave without you. And then…”
“And then he sent you barreling towards me like a comet?”
“Yes.” Wait. No.
Silence. My heart throbbed. I shuffled the horse legs into the grass, watching how the grass bent under the movement.
“Thank you,” said Andrew. “Always my Samwise the Brave!”
I chuckled. “Anything, Mr. Frodo.”
How prrrrrrecious.
“Mrs. Frodo,” corrected Andrew. “Wait, I mean Miss Frodo.”
The horse tail flicked. “I don’t want to talk about what Discord made me see. I want to get to Ponyville soon. This has been a very long day. And night.”
Suddenly I was tackled. Andrew was wrapped around my heck.
“Ah!” I yelped. “What are you doing?!”
“What does it look like? I’m hugging you!”
“W-well, get off! Not when I don’t expect it!” His grip became tighter. “Seriously, An-n-Lily, let g-go!”
A moment later, I tripped and found my head pressed into the wet grass with Andrew’s current form atop me. The dew soaked blades smelt sweet. “Lilyheart!”
“Sorry!” he squeaked while jumping up.
I stood up slowly after him and used one of the hooves to wipe the water from the muzzle. Why can’t you be normal? Why can’t I stop thinking like this? Holy Jesus… why do thoughts like this always come up in my head? I need sleep.
“Uh, Robin, what is that?” Andrew was pointing a hoof at my flank–at the flank.
“I was attacked by a bunch of porcupine things. Midnight said they were probably something called puckwudgies.”
Andrew walked around me. A moment later, he made a spluttering cough. And then a loud, cackling laugh. I turned around to find him with a hoof over her mouth, poorly covering a smile.
“It isn’t funny,” I said with a frown.
Lil–Andrew burst into a series of giggles and collapsed to the ground, rolling back and forth, her legs flailing about. “You look like a turkey!” She cackled, slapping her forehoof into the grass. “Puckwudgies? Those little things attacked you?”
I felt myself blush. The horse tail swished back and forth. That hurts, you stupid thing!
Andrew burst into yet another series of giggles.
And before I could help it, a smile began cracking on my face, too.
“Your tail is like a fiber optic Christmas Tree!”
Suddenly, I was laughing, too. I buried my face into my front legs while Lilyheart continued her maniacal tossing about. We laughed like that until the sun crawled up over the neighboring mountains.
“Well, you look like Smurfette!” I shot back between laughs.
“You look like one of those cheap My Little Horse knock off toys!”
“You look like moldy bread that grew fur!”
“You look like a s'more somep-p-pony dropped in the fire!”
“You look like mold somep-pony sprayed cheese whiz on!”
“Hey, you already used that one!” said Lilyheart.
“It’s true, why change it?”
Lilyheart put a hoof to her chest, assuming the pose she made when putting on a character. “I,” she declared, “Am a divine creation, cut from the summer morning sky, and formed from the sunlit dyed clouds!”
I only snorted in response. And then continued in cackling.
“Okay, that was supposed to be funny, but not that funny!” complained Lilyheart.
Control. Get control. Breathe. Just breathe. “You j–jerk. Calling me a turkey!” I coughed out. “These hurt, you know? I’ve been putting up with them all night!”
“I’m sorry!” exclaimed Lilyheart with a bright smile. “Here, I’ll get them out!”
“With what?”
Lilyheart looked at her forelegs with a frown. An idea seemed to hit her. “I got it! Just need to hold still.”
Before I could do anything, she leapt over to me, bit down on a quill, and pulled. Pain shot through my side.
“Ow! What are you doing?”
She spat out a green quill. “What does it look like?”
“I don’t want you to pull them out with your mouth!”
“I had to do more disgusting things when I worked in special ed,” she said, reaching for another.
I leapt away. “I don’t want you doing it!”
“We have to get them out somehow,” she countered.
“Yes, but not you! I want a professional to do it. Or Twilight might just use her magic to take them out all at once! It’s too weird if you do it!”
“Fiiiiiinnnne,” she whined. “But only if you get the soda you owe me!”
The energetic tension in my blue legs… the curly tresses as they bounce up and down… this is wonderful! I kicked the dewy grass. Ah, the sun, the beautiful sun! I was smiling–when was the last time I smiled this much?
Robin was leading the way, his rainbow-quilled tail flicking occasionally.
In my favorite universe with my favorite friend! And I get to be a girl at the same time! The only thing that would make this better would be if I didn’t have a constant rumbling coming from my belly. It was like being hungry as a human; that gnawing, clawing, scratching from your stomach. But added to that, was the feeling of your belly actually kicking out and making ripples. Just like the show.
I suppose I should be mature and not say anything, shouldn’t I? Be a good Catholic pony and just offer the pain up for the souls in purgatory. Big Sister, I offer this to you. You know what to do with it. Those sparkling indigo eyes… when will I see you again?
A feeling of comfort washed over me; almost like a promise. I looked over to Robin as he frowned while looking up a tree.
“It’s so incredibly quiet,” he whispered. “Other than the birdsong…”
“No cars,” I said simply.
“It’s like the world before the industrial era,” he whispered yet again.
When you haven’t heard silence for a long while, like, true, true silence, the sound is beautiful. Enthralling. Distracted from our goal, we stood there in a state of hypnotic reverence. Lack of sleep might have had something to do with it, too.
Grrrrrralllllll!
I screamed. Both Robin and I jumped. Wait, I screamed?
I dropped to the ground and covered my mouth with my hooves. Robin glared at me. My cheeks were very warm. Is screaming something I’m going to have to get used to?
“What even was that?” I asked in the quietest hiss I could muster. It wouldn’t surprise me if Ponyville heard my shriek.
Robin opened his mouth only for the Grrrrrrallllll sound to interrupt him. It was accompanied by a rippling across his belly. It was his turn to blush, while I exploded into yet another fit of giggles.
***
We soon found ourselves walking along a gentle river. It flowed what I assumed was southward, opposite our heading. It was an opaque blue, until we stood over it. And for the first time since becoming a pony, I saw my reflection.
These turquoise eyes, and the cute surprised expression; a blue horn and yellow curls. I brought a hoof up to my face, brushing it against my cheek while staring into my reflection. What I saw was something I utterly and completely loved. The face looking back at me soon changed from surprise to a blush and a beaming smile. And soon, she was crying. Serene, quiet tears dropping into the creek.
I never liked my reflection. I never hated my reflection. It was something that simply just was. Now, if it weren’t for those little tears interrupting the image before me, I’d probably stare at that face all day. Give Narcissus a run for his money.
Robin’s gagging brought me out of my trance. We looked into the river simultaneously, but he quickly backed away and was now hacking beside a tree. Pity shot through my heart, and the urge to place my hoof on his back.
But you’ll tell me you’re fine and push me away, like you always do, won’t you?
So I sat quietly and waited for him. My ears flicked about, trying to ignore the noise. Eventually he stopped and trotted back to the river, closed his eyes and began guzzling the blue liquid.
“It’s sweet,” he said with a cough, water dripping down his muzzle.
“Hopefully that doesn’t mean there’s antifreeze in it,” I joked as I followed his lead and dipped the end of my nose and lips to the surface of the water, trying to not be distracted by those gorgeous turquoise eyes.
The water was indeed sweet. Not sugary, but a different kind of sweet; a cool satisfying sweetness like biting into a fruit.
“I don’t think the ponies have antifreeze,” said Robin, causing me to cough up water.
I wiped off my muzzle. “Thank you, by the way.”
“For what?” he asked as we began walking again.
“For making this body.” I glanced over to the riverside to watch my reflection as we walked. My eyes traced my fluffy tail and cutie mark; a red heart with the lilies sprouting from it.
“I didn’t make it,” Robin said quickly. I held my tongue, and continued to watch myself in the river. “I just… Why does being a girl make you so happy? I haven’t seen you this way… almost ever. Only sometimes when playing a game. Like that time we tried playing Smash Bros in a mirror.”
“I really don’t know, M… Robin. I really don’t know. It just… does. When I look at that reflection,” I watched myself as I spoke. “I see… beauty. It fills me with euphoria I’ve never felt before.”
“You were beautiful before,” answered my friend. “In your h-h-h-horsanity… Ugh! In your Godly created image. And in your masculinity. I saw the femininity, too. But, altogether, I saw God’s handiwork. I didn’t like seeing you hurt, but… your sorrow was also beautiful. I’m afraid I’m going to lose you. The h-h-hor–what you were before. What you were created to be. The boy you were. My friend…”
I broke my gaze from the creek to watch Robin instead. “That’s not going to happen, Robin. Inside, I’m the same… friend you always knew. You’re just seeing another side of me, that’s all.”
“How can you be so happy about it? Everything screams that this is all wrong! Every sensation in this body. Not having… h-h-h-hooves–not able to talk normally! The birdsong isn’t even right! Everything is alien.”
“Have you considered…” I said slowly. “That what you’re feeling is what I felt everyday?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that my body, when I was a h-h-horse. Okay, I admit that’s annoying. When I was a… boy,” I said the last word hesitantly and more quietly, like a hiss. “Nothing ever felt right. I mean, sure, not quite as bad as h-h-h-hooves and f-f-f-fetlocks… seriously?! Again?! Whatever! Not as bad as being the wrong species, but still… If I looked in the mirror, it looked wrong. Everything masculine about me just felt wrong. And guys would always have fun being competitive or seeing who’s the strongest… and I had a little of that, but it was just the testosterone talking! Not me. And I realize that it’s partially just a stereotype, some guys don’t care about athletics and that’s cool. Some girls love having muscle. And that’s fine. But for me? I felt like I was on the wrong side of things all the time. I would watch girls chatter, being free with their emotions, and I would always think, ‘I want to be like that!’ but it wouldn’t come naturally. Like I was betraying cultural expectations, or something. Of course, that’s social stuff. But I can guarantee you, I wasn’t comfortable with what my body looked like. Or the clothes I wore. Things… it felt like the shape was wrong.”
I looked back at my reflection. That’s right. You’re a girl. You don’t have to let those thoughts bother you right now.
When I looked back at Robin, his eyes were wide in thought. “I never thought of it like that before. Well, I did, but now I…I’m sorry. I guess some part of me never believed you before. Like, just get used to the body you have, An-n-n-n-Lilyheart… Y-you want me to use female pronouns, don’t you?”
“Well, it would be weird, and unpleasant if you didn’t once we got to Ponyville.” I eyed the thatched roofed buildings, steadily becoming ever closer.
Robin halted suddenly. “We actually should figure out exactly what we should say. I mean… I didn’t tell Midnight anything. And I don’t think I want to tell random background ponies that we’re h–what we are.”
“I agree. Except for the Mane Six… well, maybe not Pinkie Pie. At least not until we’ve met the others.”
“Basically, just head straight to Twilight’s library. Or the castle. If it’s there. We should have looked for it when we were on the hill,” agreed Robin. “But as for who we are?”
“It’s not like we can say our names are An-n-n-n-Lilyheart and M-m–m-m-Robinwind, and we’re friends from earth. Oh. I guess we can say the last part. The real world? I don’t think they’d like that. Regardless, if Twilight’s been to the Equestria Girls universe, then just saying we look like the creatures from that world ought to explain. We’ll know if Twilight has her wings if that’s the case.”
“Okay,” said Robin. “Until then, I’m… Robinwind. And you’re… Lilyheart. I’m… a horse. A p-pony.”
“Maybe think of it like playing a character? Like DnD. Or a play?” I offered.
“That’s what I’m trying to do.” He pranced in place for a moment. “I’m an earth pony… I’m probably a farmer or something. Used to hard labor… from San Filliesco?” He eyed me strangely.
I shrugged. “I mean, they have farmland not too far away from it, right? To anyone not from California, San Francisco just means northern California to them.”
“That’s not my problem. Where’d you even get the idea from? Does it show up in the later seasons?”
“Nope. Maybe the comics, though. I just kind of came up with it on the spot,” I said.
“Okay,” Robin said again. “So, I’m an earth pony from west of Equestria. So… I’m practical. A hard worker. Dang it! I’m just Applejack! And I don’t have a clue how to explain my cutie mark!”
I glanced over at the slender red cross with brown wings.
“You… like birds?”
“What does that have to do with farming? Do I farm feathers or something? Ponies farm rocks, why not feathers, too? And the cross? Are ponies religious? Everything’s so perfect, why would they need a Savior? They have magic to raise the sun, why have God? And magic is apparently good, not something hipster teenagers do when they think they’re being all cool checking out ouija boards before getting possessed by demons and become witches trying to bring about the downfall of the Catholic Church! But that doesn’t matter, no Church, here! No bishops or popes! Might as well get Celestia the papal tiara! It’s big enough to fit her crazy hair! But if Celestia’s the Pope, what does that make Luna? A Bishop? The Patriarch of Constantinople? I mean, I can imagine her singing Gregorian chant; she might as well be Eastern Orthodox!”
Robin finished this tirade with a maniacal laugh.
“Robin…”
He collapsed on the ground and covered his head. “I… Lilyheart, I… I’m not having an easy time.”
I rushed over and placed a foreleg over him. “It’s okay, Robin. I can take care of the talking. You… I think you just need some sleep.”
“That’s not my name!”
“I’m sorry.” Okay, clearly saying Robin doesn’t help. “I believe we can get back home. I believe we can… become what we were before… It’s okay to be afraid.”
He only whimpered in response.
“The emotion will pass. The emotion will pass,” I said as I knelt down beside him. “I’m here for you. We will get through this.”
“Um, do you two need help?”
I looked up to see an amber-colored mare with a fiery mane looking at us bewildered.
What on earth was happening to me? Why am I crying? Why am a pony, stuck in a girly cartoon world with my friend mothering me like he isn’t the one incapable of holding a job and being responsible about anything?
“Eh, yep, that’s me,” said Sunset, albeit a little awkwardly. Maybe we can go to the Equestria Girls universe and then at least I can have hands. Sunset muttered something.
“Sunset, I know you don’t know us, but we need your help,” Lilyheart was saying. Or should I still think of him as Andrew? What do you want me to do, God?! I don’t know!
“We need to get to either the Golden Oaks Library or Twilight’s Castle–the Castle of Friendship!” Lilyheart continued. “If you don’t know what one of those is, just forget it and take us to the one you do know. Sunset, please. You’re one of the few ponies in all of Equestria I would trust.”
“Um… sure. I can take you to the Castle of Friendship,” answered Sunset. She sounded quizzical. But I kept my face buried. “Can I ask, why?”
“Post-season four, confirmed! One moment, please,” answered Lilyheart, and then gently to me, “R– Can you stand? I’m certain things will be better once we get to the castle.”
I nodded and slowly stood up, looking at Sunset for the first time. Confused and concerned cyan eyes and same old bacon hair. She was carrying a tan saddle bag.
But I was distracted by the presence of Lilyheart’s hoof on my foreleg, as though preparing for me to fall over. A smothering presence is the exact opposite of what I needed.
“I’m fine. Please don’t touch me.”
Lilyheart flinched away immediately, as though I had slapped her hoof away. Great. Now I’ll have to apologize for that later. I guess you are still Andrew.
“We’re good to go,” I told Sunset as I began walking towards Ponyville.
“Uh, right, this way,” answered Sunset, her eyes hovering on my tail and flank. “So, uh, can I at least have your names?”
“Lilyheart!” cheered the blue unicorn as she appeared by Sunset’s side with the exuberance of Pinkie Pie. “Don’t tell Rainbow, but I think you’re the coolest pony in Equestria.”
“Uh, thanks?”
“No problem! It’s not a compliment if it’s the truth!”
A yellow pegasus flew by just as we entered the outskirts of Ponyville. Horses. Horses everywhere. A few unicorns trotted by, one levitating paint brushes and jars of paint; another, a few teddy bears. An elderly stallion sat upon a bench, a subtle smile on his muzzle as he watched the passersby. A pink unicorn with an oddly shaped horn led a hyperactive foal, probably to school. I choked when Lyra and Bon Bon brushed past.
“We eat at the Cafe almost everyday!” complained Lyra.
“I asked you where you wanted to go, and you said anywhere that made me happy!” answered Bon Bon.
The pastel colors, noisy bustle of the ponies getting their day started… it was dizzying. I decided to ignore all of it the best I could (especially the strange looks the ponies were giving his horse body’s hindquarters) and focus on following Sunset Shimmer, her bacon tail swaying gently as she walked. But Lilyheart looked like she might faint from joy. Her head darted about causing her curls to bounce. She gazed longingly at the teddy bears, snickered when passing by Ponyville’s most famous couple, and almost looked like she was going to gallop over to snatch a particularly cute foal and squeeze the living daylights out of them.
“Eeeeeeee!” She pranced as we followed Sunset.
Andrew was never this happy. Was I wrong? My stomach… the horse stomach, twisted in knots. Guilt. Why do I feel guilty?
‘I said I wouldn’t leave without you.’
‘Always my Samwise the Brave!’
I tried to leave without you. I should leave without you. You belong in this place. I don’t. Isn’t that what Discord wanted to prove? But if my friend didn’t need me–No. I was disoriented. Confused. I wouldn’t have made that choice if I was intellectually sound; no more than making a bad choice in a dream can be a mortal sin.
“HIIIII, SUNSET SHIMMER!” screamed a high pitched voice with a subtle crack.
I looked over to see Sugarcube Corner, and at the top window, a very familiar, beaming pink face. Oh no.
The figure gasped, and shut her window.
“GOOD MORNING, SUNSET!”
Pinkie Pie was right behind us.
I leapt into the air. A goat was bleating somewhere close by. I found myself on my back, my legs frozen and stiff in the air.
Meanwhile, Lilyheart let out an “EEEEP!” and fled behind Sunset, who practically toppled over from Lilyheart clutching her legs.
“Uh, hi Pinkie,” Sunset answered. “I think–”
Pinkie gave an almost obnoxiously loud GASP, hovering into the air as she did so.
“Oh my gosh Sunset did you make new friends? Why didn’t you tell me? Where did you meet? When did you meet? This is so exciting! Almost like when I met Twilight for the first time and then I was all like -GASP- and then I ran away to set up her surprise party but then Nightmare Moon crashed it and it was the best day ever! Except now this day is even better because I’m meeting two friends instead of one which is like twice the fun which makes this -GASP- twice as bestest!”
“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie. What’s your name?” Pinkie was right next to Lilyheart, who opened her mouth to speak, but Pinkie was gone too fast.
“Oooh, and what’s your name?” Pinkie’s head appeared out of a barrel of oranges beside me. “What’s your story? Are you best friends magically transported into Equestria and turned into ponies by some unknown, mysterious force, and now off on daring quest to meet Twilight to hope that she can turn you back normal, but first you’ll have to learn something about friendship and defeat some terrible evil force and face your worst fears like singing in public and having everypony laughing at you?”
Lilyheart and I blinked.
“Nah, just kidding. That would be totally unrealistic,” said Pinkie before recoiling her head back into the barrels of oranges and reappearing on the other side of me. She now stood there with her head cocked to the side, waiting expectantly for an answer.
“Right, Pinkie Pie,” answered Sunset. “These are two… ponies I just met. I’m taking them to see–”
Pinkie gasped again. “You just met them? Why didn’t you tell me, Sunset?”
“Uh, I just did?”
“Oh, right. So, any way, you were just telling me your na–”
Pinkie’s tirade of chaos quickly ended when I stuffed an orange into her mouth.
“I cannot deal with this right now,” I mumbled. “Pinkie Pie, I need you to respect my boundaries.”
Pinkie swallowed the orange whole and looked at me quizzically. “Boundaries? What are those? Are they a kind of cupcake?”
I face hoofed.
Lilyheart ran up to Pinkie and grabbed her shoulders. “Pinkie Pie, we love you, and you are the best pony… at throwing parties and cheering p-p-p-ponies up. But I need you to do a favor. The surprise party you want to throw for us? Or, welcome party, whatever? Can you please wait, like, a week, before throwing it? And pretend like… imagine if you were throwing a party for Fluttershy? You know, calm, gentle, not too overwhelming?”
“Aww, but I was going to try out my new party horns!” Suddenly she had one in her mouth and blew it in Lilyheart’s face. As the party horn unfurled, it made a sound more akin to an airhorn. It was as though there was a microphone inside it.
“Yes,” answered Lilyheart, her ears folded back from the noise. “But the best party is tailored to each particular pony, isn’t it? And the longer you go… if you wait a week then you’ll know more about us and can throw an even better party.”
Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened, and then her face formed a smirk. “Oh, you know how to speak my language, sister.” Pinkie broke from Lilyheart’s grasp and danced in the middle of us. “THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST PARTY, EVER!”
The word ‘ever,’ echoed. Every pony in the vicinity was staring. Pinkie dashed away, off to do who knows what.
Lilyheart fell to the ground and put her hooves over her head. “I’m surprised that worked. But… oh… that was too much for my introverted heart. It’s like that guy said about Teddy Roosevelt, ‘You have to wring the personality out of your clothes after.’”
“So, that was Pinkie Pie. Sorry about that. You get used to her. She really isn’t that bad once you get to know her,” said Sunset as she offered a hoof to Lilyheart.
“What did you say your names were again?” asked Pinkie.
“This is Lilyheart,” Sunset answered for us. “And… actually I didn’t get your name.”
“I didn’t say it,” I mumbled.
“He’s my brother!” blurted Lilyheart. “Forget his name for a moment. Just… just ignore that.”
Pinkie looked like she was processing something.
Brother, Lily? You’re a unicorn. I’m… look like an earth pony? We look nothing alike. Then again, there was Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake.
“Okay!” Pinkie shouted. “Also, Lilyheart’s Brother, I love the Hearth’s Warming Tree look!” She dashed away again.
Sunset eyed the two of us. “Do you two still want to go to the castle?”
“Yes,” Lilyheart and I answered in sync. She looked like she was going to say something, but then walked on. Darn it, Andrew, stop worrying about me and just make the stupid soda joke.
It took a few minutes of walking through the heart of Ponyville to get to our destination. A few buildings were familiar; the town hall, Rarity’s boutique, and also a smattering of random shops I never saw in the show. Most buildings were the same pink and off white to bland yellow, but a few broke the pattern.
Sunset soon led us to something of a main road that clearly led to the castle. A few ponies walking by waved at Sunset, while Lilyheart and I politely smiled and sometimes either gave a wave or even a gentle “hello,” back.
By the time we got to the gold, heart-encrusted doors of Twilight’s Castle, the horse hooves had finally begun to ache.
“Is it alright if you two wait here for a moment?” Sunset asked us. “There’s just something I want to check on. I promise I’ll be back really soon.”
Lilyheart and I nodded before watching Sunset trott up the stairs and disappear behind the doors.
“Are you okay?” Lilyheart asked.
“Yes,” I mumbled while trying to figure out how to stretch the horse legs. “And brother? Did you only say that so I’d have to call you my sister?”
“What? No. I mean, that does make me feel all bubbly inside to be called that, but no. Pinkie called me sister and it got me thinking.” Lilyheart hoofed the ground. “I can’t call you your real name, you obviously don’t like… the other name, so brother made sense. I mean, we used to refer to each other as siblings.”
“You can call me Robin.” I forced the name out. “I’m just tired, and it was a lot. But I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” It’s my problem, Andrew. Just let it go.
“O-Okay, Robin.” Ignored the twinge of annoyance when she used the word. Hail Mary, full of grace…
The gold doors swung open again. Sunset’s head poked through. “She’ll see you, now.”
We climbed up the steps and through the doors Sunset kept open for us. Odd that Spike wasn’t there to do it. Inside, we found the familiar burgundy floors, crystalline pillars, and faint purple walls. Sunset led just straight into the central chamber. The Cutie Map rested in the middle, hugged by seven chairs, and the roots of the Golden Oaks Library hung from the ceiling.
All of it lined up with Equestria as I knew it. Except, no alicorn sat in the chair with Twilight’s cutie mark. Instead, it was a completely different pony altogether.
When I was a kid, our church had an eccentric guest priest for a month. Eccentric priests are a dime a dozen; but what made him unusual was his viscerally heavy homilies; a fire and brimstone kind of teaching that would be more at home with some hyper Calvinist or Puritan Church. In one homily, to demonstrate his idea of what Hell was like, he began rhythmically pounding on the podium. And then he began moaning in imitation of what he thought the suffering sounded like.
A woman stood up and proclaimed him a false prophet and a heretic. In the middle of the homily. The priest seemed quite amused and invited the woman to continue speaking, but the ushers quickly forced her out of the sanctuary. Oddly, we never heard of that priest again. I heard that he was relocated to some monastery in the middle of nowhere Canada.
But that moment when she interrupted the priest, the world sort of spun for a moment. It was as though the doors had finally opened, or a missing piece revealed that the puzzle wasn’t what you thought it was at all.
Like something gone terribly wrong; what once seemed innocuous, now revealed as sinister. The gears in my brain ran in overdrive; desperately trying to figure out what had happened to produce this result.
Before I could solve the mystery of the Mare sitting where Twilight ought to be, I found myself engulfed in a giant puff of smoke. And when it cleared, a new figure joined us.
“Behold, the Grrrreat and Powerful Trrrrixie! What can the Great and Powerful magician do for you?”
Trixie stood atop the Cutie Map, her starry cape waving dramatically behind her.
“Trixie!” said the Mare.
“What?” said Trixie with a tilt of her hat. “If you’re going to put off hanging out with me for important work again, I might as well have some fun.”
The Mare facehoofed. Looking across the Cutie Map at us, sitting in Twilight’s chair, was Starlight Glimmer.
Robin gave a little cough from the smoke, and seemed rather disappointed to see Trixie. “Where’s Twi–YOW!”
If Robin was behind me, I would have tried stuffing his mouth with my hoof. But since he was in front, I jumped towards him and unceremoniously knocked him to the floor.
“Sorry!” I placed my forelegs on his shoulders. Look at me, dang it. Look at me!
“Why did you…” He trailed off when he saw my glare. Finally making eye contact, I shook my head.
I turned to face the Starlight. Her eyes glared at us, a discerning, inspecting frown. I liked Starlight. She was one of the most relatable characters, not just from the show, but perhaps in any fiction I’d ever seen. There was something about her that was positively familiar, which made it seem like she could be the likable co-worker, neighbor, or that one lady you chat with after Mass. But Starlight wasn’t supposed to be there. Not without Twilight. And if Twilight wasn’t here…
I glanced toward Sunset. A similar, slightly curious, but cautious expression was in her eyes.
That moment she went in before us… this was a set up. If we make one wrong move… the three mares flanking us were all, canonically, former villains. Something went wrong in the timeline. And the fact that there sat Starlight, sitting in Twilight’s chair of all things, made that all but certain to me.
Still, Starlight’s mane was parted to the side, as she wore it once she reformed. And her little exchange with Trixie was almost disarming. But she could be pleasant before she reformed. So long as she was content, Starlight was always pleasant. That made her even more dangerous.
Trixie looked back and forth between us, confused. “Is something happening? Did I do something wrong?”
I took a breath. Okay, girl, you got this.
“I’m sorry,” I started. “It’s just, this has all been disorienting for both my friend and I. Which is why we wanted your help, Starlight Glimmer.”
Starlight’s eyes softened. “Well, I’m not sure what I can do, but if it has something to do with a friendship problem, you’ve come to the right place.”
“Well, maybe not that so much as a magical problem,” I said. Think. Think. I can’t say we were turned into ponies, or from another world. For all I know, that would cue in a potentially villainous Starlight that we know something we shouldn’t. And then we’ll find ourselves cutie markless and stuck in a brainwash box. Or placed under a mind control spell. Or have our memories rewritten. Honestly, I might be a little fine with the last option. But Robin on the other hand–
“Can I at least ask about the quills?” he muttered.
“Yes!” Excellent distraction until I can think of a subtle way to get more information. “Actually, Ms. Starlight, if you don’t mind, can you take a look at my friend? He kind of had a run in with some puckwudgies.”
“Sure,” answered Starlight slowly. “But did you think of going to the clinic first?”
“It’s just the first of many problems,” I said.
Starlight got up from her chair and walked around the Cutie Map. “So, where did the puckwudgies get you?”
Robin grumpily turned around.
Trixie snickered, which brought a glare from Starlight.
“What? He looks like a turkey,” the great pony said with a shrug.
“I know, right?” I answered.
“Or a Hearth’s Warming Tree!” Trixie exclaimed.
“Exactly!” I echoed.
A giggle escaped Starlight’s lips. Trixie and I burst into laughter. I wanted to be serious, but since becoming a pony, holding laughter in had become an impossible task.
“This is not amusing,” Robin grumbled, turning his head to look at us. Sunset merely gave a nervous smile.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Starlight recovered, shaking a foreleg. “Though, with so many quills, you really are better off going to the clinic.”
“Can’t you just use magic and pull them off all at once?” Robin pleaded.
“I could,” answered Glimmer. “But that would also mean I might tear up a bunch of your skin and coat. A nurse would do it more slowly, but safely.”
Robin thought for a moment. “I don’t care. Please, just take them out.”
“Are you sure?” asked Starlight.
“He’s had a really long day,” I interjected.
“It’s still morning,” said Trixie.
“Exactly.” I pretended not to notice Trixie’s perplexion.
“I’m exhausted, and I just want these out,” said Robin. “I don’t care about this body.”
“R–brother…” I said quietly. He gave me a look of disgust. He really was done.
“I mean,” he said. “That I’m okay if it leaves scars. I’ve had them for most of the night and it really hurts. Please.”
You could have just let me pull them out.
“Okay,” Starlight answered in an unsure tone. Her face crumpled into determination, and her horn glowed. Robin was engulfed in a cyan aura, and then floated into the air. And by his expression, clearly he wasn’t very comfortable about it. The quills began to shake. Robin grimaced. In a single swift moment, the rainbow colored needles flew out and fell to the floor. And yet, as Robin was lowered to the floor, he looked less pleased than before. His flank was red, speckled, and his tail looked like it was missing some hair. I might have been tempted to laugh again, but at this point I felt too concerned for him.
“You really should get somepony more specialized to look at that,” said Starlight.
“Thanks. But not right now,” said Robin with a look back to his hindquarters. And then to me, questioning.
“Trixie, right?” I asked, “So, how did you and… how did such a spectacular and grand magician such as yourself meet the guardian of friendship?” Take the bait. Come on, take the bait. Give me more information.
And so Trixie did. She puffed her chest out at the complement, and a marvelous joy came to her eyes. “Well, it certainly was quite the meeting. As I was preparing for my Twice as Great,” she swept her cape around dramatically. “...And Powerful Tour, I found Starlight in a desperate search for a friend. She came to me begging for–”
“It was at a spa,” injected Starlight. I expected her to be slightly annoyed at Trixie. But instead, she was staring at me. Discerning, calculating. “Where did you two meet?”
“We knew each other as k-k-k-foals,” I answered, fairly truthfully. “Why were you so desperate for friends that day?” The game was very nearly up. She knew I was suspicious of her. And the feeling was clearly mutual.
“To impress another friend,” Starlight said while taking a few steps towards me. “What’s a guardian of friendship?”
“Something I made up to trick you into correcting me and revealing more information,” I answered while taking my own steps forward. Even if this Starlight was evil, I liked her. “Who was this friend you were trying to impress?”
Starlight blinked at my answer. Not expecting that answer, were you?
“It was a princess,” she smirked. “She’s retired now. Odd how you seem to know so much about us. Care to explain how?”
Dang. Almost as good as I was at being evasive. Almost. Our muzzles were only a few inches from each other, both our heads held high. Her eyes were a dark blue reminiscent of the ocean. I never noticed that before.
“I know I just asked this,” I heard Trixie say. “But is something happening?”
“I have no idea,” answered Sunset.
“You’re the famous mare in Ponyville’s castle. I pay attention,” I answered.
Robin snorted. Thanks for the back up.
“Which princess?” I asked. “And why did she retire?” Say it. Say the name. What did you do to Twilight Sparkle, Glimmy?
“Celestia. After ruling for a thousand years, I think she deserves a break, don’t you?”
I blinked. “Wait. Celestia?” My mind processed. “Who’s in charge of Equestria now?”
“Twilight, the Princess of Friendship, who’s also my friend.”
Click.
I dropped to the floor and cackled.
“Will somepony please tell the Great and Powerful Trixie what is happening!”
“More like the Baffled and Clueless Trixie,” said Robin, who looked surprised to have said it.
Trixie spluttered while I continued my cackling.
“Wait, wait, wait.” I rose my hoof into the air. “Let me ask a few more things to confirm this. Who’s the headmare of the School of Friendship?”
“I am,” Starlight answered, clearly losing patience with my lack of forthrightness.
“And the current whereabouts of Queen Chrysalis?”
“Last I heard, collecting cobwebs as a statue,” answered Starlight. “Unless you know something I don’t?”
“We’re in season ten!” I finally exclaimed to Robin. “Sorry for jumping on you, but the moment I saw you,” I motioned to Starlight. “Sitting in Twilight’s chair, I thought maybe we were in some twisted alternate evil timeline or something. How long has it been since Twilight took charge?”
“Only a few moons,” answered Starlight. “Why did you think you were in an alternative timeline?” After Stalright finished the question, her expression of confusion became one of sudden understanding. “Oh. Right. I did that. But, how do you know about it?”
“And how did you know my name, or to even trust me?” Sunset asked, crossing her hooves timidly. “At first I thought it was just because everyone knows about my story, and I didn’t question it because you looked like you really needed help. But, as we were walking, I realized, when you looked at me, it was like you recognized me. You knew who I was immediately.”
“Because we did,” I answered. “R–my brother and I weren’t ponies yesterday morning. And, we weren’t even in this universe. We were more like… M-m-Ro–Brother, what’s the high school called in Equestria Girls?”
“Canterlot High,” he answered.
“Yes! Canterlot High! Yesterday, we were in a universe like that one, and were h-h-h-horse–ugh! We were creatures like that. Suddenly a portal opened up, and boom! We’re both ponies.”
“There’s another portal back to Canterlot High?” exclaimed Sunset, her eyes wide with excitement. “Where is it?”
“We’re not from Canterlot High,” Robin explained before I could. “Our world and the one you went to are different. We aren’t as colorful, or cartoony. And a few other things work differently there. And, there’s no magic there whatsoever at all.”
“Oh…” Sunset muttered. The disappointment on her face and in her voice was blatant.
“Why are you here?” I asked her. “You do live in the Canterlot High world, don’t you?”
She looked away quickly to hide it, but I still saw the tears immediately forming at my question. “No, not anymore,” she answered.
“I… why?” I asked. Guilt stung me. What had caused someone so fierce and confident as her to behave like Fluttershy? To behave like me?
After a quick motion to wipe her face, Sunset turned back to me with sharp glare. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
Now my eyes stung. “I’m sorry.” It was my turn to face away, except that meant facing everypony else in the room. I just met one of my favorite characters of all time, and I hurt her. And it was stupid and I didn’t mean to and obviously she knew that and she didn’t mean to hurt me. But the warm, quiet tears wouldn’t stop anyway.
If it weren’t for Robin, I probably would have just run away.
