After Spring Break ended with their cruise ship crashing, Flash Sentry and Trixie Lulamoon become unwitting "trot buddies" for the journey back home through the Equestrian portals.
You know what's a dumb idea? Taking the crew of a stranded cruise liner and marching them through a magical horse dimension to get home.
You know what's a smart idea? Grouping everybody in pairs so that they can buddy up and look after each other during the trans-dimensional trek.
When Flash Sentry is randomly partnered with an annoying fussy magician possessing an ego the size of the magical storm that sank them, he'd almost rather stay back on the wrecked ship.
Flash Sentry's tired blue eyes narrowed in on a pair of fuzzy orange fetlocks. Horse nostrils flared in the center of his prolonged muzzle, causing tall blades of grass to bend and sway between the gnarled trunks of otherworldly oak trees all around him.
“Okay, every... pony!” Sunset Shimmer's voice echoed beneath the branches and leaves, leaves, leaves of that strange forested domain where everyone had materialized. In the distance, the fiery-mane'd mare marched down a line of awkwardly-shifting equines—each of whom had been arranged in pairs. “Let's try to keep this as simple as possible! First off—I need to make sure that you're all assembled in pairs! So we're going to do an initial roll call before planning out how to make it out of the Everfree Forest!”
“Trixie is naked...!”
Flash felt an extra pair of limbs extending from his body. He looked over his shoulder and saw wings stretching and unstretching. His facial muscles tensed as he flexed each individual feather. The hidden muscle memory eventually unlocked his tail—a silky flew thing that flicked more than a few times at the end of his flank... a huge, huge horse flank. He grimaced slightly...
“But before we start...!” Sunset Shimmer marked closer, her brave turquoise eyes reflecting face after worried pony face. Her voice was solid, firm, exhibiting leadership and strength. “I want to point out who will be leading this 'expedition'! Chiefly—that'll be me.” She paused to rest a hoof over her fuzzy chest. “This place is my home. I know the ins and outs of Equestria, so I'm best equipped to keep us safe! Pay heed to my warnings and I'll get us all to the other portal and then back to the human world in no time!”
“Uhm, hello?!?! Does anybody care that Trixie is naked?!?!”
Flash sensed his horse ears pulling back before he even registered his own anger. Nevertheless, he scowled as he turned to hiss at the fuzzy blue lump fidgeting directly beside him. “Shhhhhh! Sunset Shimmer's giving an important speech!”
“I don't care what your girlfriend's giving!” Trixie pouted. Her new body of sapphire fur was hard to focus on—as she was currently attempting to cover her petite pony self with no less than three palm fronds yanked from a nearby tree. No amount of fumbling and repositioning of the leafy green stalks could succeed in fully obscuring her horse flesh—or the spreading blush thereupon. “Grnnnngh!!! Some kind of magic portal that turned out to be! It couldn't even let Trixie keep her precious robe!”
“She's not my girlfriend,” Flash Sentry muttered to the forest floor.
“Are you listening to a thing I'm saying?!?” the mare's voice cracked. “I thought you were supposed to be my 'Trot Buddy!' Why aren't you helping?!”
Flash faced her again, teeth clenched: “How can I not hear what you're saying?! You're noisier than—”
Trixie's pupils shrank as she covered her fuzzy tummy with three palm fronds at once. “Don't look at Trixie!”
Flash jerked his head away, his horse face flushed with conflicting waves of anger and shame. “—a band of preteen Instagram girls trying to do a punk rock concert!”
“How could you be so insensitive???” Trixie whimpered.
Flash sighed and faced her again. “Look, I'm sorry, I just—”
She covered herself, shrieking: “Don't look at Trixie!!!”
Flash jerked away yet again, seething. “Y'know, we're all naked! Did you ever think of that?!”
“Of course I've thought of it! I can't stop thinking about it! But don't think that reminding me is going to make me want to look at you any!”
Flash's brow furrowed as he looked back. “Wait, who's reminding who of—?”
“DON'T LOOK AT TRIXIE!”
“Oh, for the love of—”
“AHEM” With scuffling hooves, Sunset Shimmer stood before the two, staring them both down with a warrior's glare. “Is there a problem...?”
Flash Sentry stood up on his hind legs at attention... then immediately flopped forward on his belly. A cough, a wheeze... and he smiled crookedly. “No, Sunset. No problem here.”
“Trixie is naked.”
Sunset simply rolled her eyes. “You'll get used to it. Now can you both pipe down and keep calm for just a few measly minutes so that I can finish coordinating the expedition?”
“Yes... erm...” Flash stood up, dusting himself off with his own wings. “Yes, of course, Sunset.”
“Good.” Sunset icily turned towards the rest of the group and resumed marching down the line. “Now... besides me, you'll be answering to Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle! They've both undergone the same trip to Ponyville that we're all about to undertake! So they have sufficient experience to act as supervisors for this trek! Also, Rainbow Dash has learned how to fly... well enough. Long story short, they'll both be coordinating the middle and rear of our procession...!”
Flash sighed and hung his head. His eyes closely scrutinized the fresh hoofprints that Sunset had made in the forested soil.
“'Yes, Sunset. Of course, Sunset,'” Trixie sing-songed in a patronizing voice. “Yeesh. Why don't you lick your girlfriend's hooves clean while you're at it.”
And just like that, Flash Sentry's malaise once again transformed into an angry growl. “She... is not my girlfriend...”
“Of all the people I could have been paired up with in this silly 'Trot Buddies' system Sunset conjured up...” Trixie gazed with disgust at her alien blue horse parts. Her grimace echoed her breathy words more than her body. “It had to have been the most spineless beta boy in all of Canterlot High.”
Flash's eyes narrowed. “What the heck does that mean?” he whispered aside.
“You think you're soooooooooo special—just because you lost out on two romances in the space of a single semester!” Trixie frowned at a tuft of mane hair dangling over her eyes. “You walk through the halls with your head hanging low—always feeling sorry for yourself!” She gave her horse head a shake... then a second and a third—battling the stubborn pale stands. “Well, Trixie doesn't need your sad baggage bringing her down! This spring break was supposed to be an opportunity for me to share my fantastic act and rake in the big bucks! Aren't things bad enough as it is without being unfairly punished with such a miserable ball-and-chain?!”
“You...” Flash cleared his throat and glared over his wings, away from her. “...you don't know me.”
“You sure about that, sad-sack?” Trixie finally resorted to raising a hoof and pinning her mane hair behind her horn. “It's what all the girls talk about behind your back, y'know. 'Look! There goes Flash Sobbstry! He always looks soooooooooo saddddddd! As if he thinks it'll get him anywhere with the ladies now that Sunset and her precious gal-pals want nothing to do with him.'” She blew out the side of her muzzle. “Pffft... then you had to go and perform that silly song for them in the auditorium. I mean... just how desperate are you to be noticed?”
Flash stared off into the emerald density of the alien forest. He thought about all the things others had said about Trixie behind her back. He thought about things he had said about her... and the laughter he and his buddies had shared on campus. Visions of Trixie at school danced through his horse head—of her lone body meandering through a sea of lockers, her face obscured by her magic cap, enmeshed in shadows.
“And could you not stand in such a way so that your smelly horsebutt is facing me?” Trixie tilted her muzzle up in disdain. “Trixie's been to a ranch or two in her day. She knows a dirty stallion when she sees one.”
“Okay, look...” Flash clenched his teeth again. “How about—for the remainder of this 'magical pony journey' thingy... we just not talk to each other, okay?”
“Why—that's exactly what Trixie was going to say!” she gasped, holding a delicate hoof over her fuzzy chest. “How typically insensitive of you to act as if you thought of it first!”
“Fine! Great! I'm insensitive!” Flash hissed, trying to keep his voice low as he heard Sunset giving roll call. “Now will you please shut up?!”
“Don't use that tone of voice with Trixie!”
Flash clenched his eyes shut and tilted his head back.
He breathed in.
He breathed out.
He breathed in once more...
And breathed out with meditative finality.
“... … ...you're right,” he murmured. “That was rude of me, Trixie. I'm sorry.”
“I thought you wanted to keep quiet!” Trixie barked.
“Rnnnnnnghhh—!” Flash repeatedly batted his head against the ground beneath him.
Sunset marched towards their part of the line. “Flash Sentry and Trixie Lulamoon!” she called out.
Flash stood up straight, his muzzle covered in dirt and leaves. “Present!”
“Trixie is here!” Trixie saluted. “And still naked!”
“Ms. Victoria!” Rainbow Dash's voice cracked as she flew above the tree canopy of the Everfree Forest. She wobbled a bit in her flight, but nevertheless glided true. “Have you seen Water Lily?!”
A middle-aged woman—now a mare with a pale green coat—nodded towards a violet-haired filly straddling her backside as she trotted along with the grand equine procession. “She's right here with me, Rainbow Dash! I haven't let her out of my sight once since we went through the portal!”
“Oh! Okay! Whew!” Rainbow Dash swiped her brow as she hovered up and down on awkward pegasus wings. “Sorry! Didn't mean to give you a scare! The lil' one sorta blends in the shadows, y'know?”
“I'm a pony!” Water Lily chirped, happy as a clam.
Victoria chuckled. “Don't you worry, Rainbow Dash.” She winked skyward. “You're doing a fine job acting as Sunset's lookout!”
“Yeah! I am, aren't I?” Rainbow grinned wide as she flapped her wings harder, lifting up slightly. “I know that we're marching—like—three hundred horse people through a big scary forest'n'stuff, but this just feels so awesome!”
“Better go check up on Curly Winds and Wiz Kid!” Victoria suggested, nodding with her head. “Make sure they didn't fall into a sinkhole together again!”
“Oh snap, you're right!” Rainbow Dash flapped harder and zipped ahead. “What's up with those two?! I swear—they get stuck in tight places on purpose!”
Flash's dull eyes watched as Rainbow soared above. His gaze fell—landing on a pastel pony procession of butts, butts, and more butts. He winced, then chose to look down at his marching hooves instead. Such strange limbs they were—and far more... cartoony than he had expected from a civilization of hairy horse beings.
If he didn't know better, the young teenager would have guessed that everything about this universe was specifically designed to be outrageously cute. It was startling to know that this was the actual place Sunset Shimmer came from. The same place that... another beautiful soul called home.
But, the more he reflected on it, the more it somehow made sense. Even in a place as foreboding as the Everfree Forest, everything just felt “bright” and “friendly” and “cute.” He almost couldn't remember why a heavy pit lingered so often in his stomach. Why, if Flash simply allowed himself to live in the moment, he should have felt nothing but a peculiar buzz of childish joy—
“Trixie swears, if any of the marching idiots ahead of her makes horse brownies—especially with Trixie's nose hanging so close to the ground—I'm going to sue the pants off Sunset and all her bosom Rainboom buddies!”
And just like that, Flash let out a prolonged, breathy groan.
Nevertheless, the “Trot Buddy” beside him continued muttering: “But ohhhhh! Who is Trixie kidding!” She scrunched her nose as more than a few flowers and weeds batted across her face as she marched along. “Nobody has any pants to sue off of them! Because everybody is naked! Most especially Trixie!”
“Everyone else is doing just fine with it,” Flash grumbled. “Why can't you?”
Trixie huffed and puffed as her face struggled to dodge more and more flora. “I thought we had agreed to remain quiet during our journey!”
Flash's jaded eyes scraped the sliver of blue sky above the trees. “Whatever could have made me forget?”
“Well—a fine job you're doing!” Trixie nearly tripped as another flower batted her face. “Mrmmff! Trixie was doing just fine until you had to open your... your...” One eyelid fluttered thinner than the other as her ears pulled back and her muzzle opened wider and wider. “Ah... A-aah......” Trixie exploded. “AH-CHOOO!” Flower petals flew up and spiraled downward as she paused to rub her dainty muzzle, frowning. “Seriously?!?” She gnashed her teeth. “The one day Trixie has huge gaping horse nostrils and she's still suffering from allergies?!”
“You're a magician,” Flash muttered, waiting a moment for her to regain her hoofing and keep up the pace. “I figured you would be used to flowers by now!”
“Magic. Flowers!” She then upturned her nose and trotted more briskly. “Not like any of this wild parallel universe rubbish! My flowers are special! They can bend and collapse and fit nicely up a sleeve! A sleeve... which I don't have by the way.”
“So, in other words...” Flash smirked slightly. “...fake flowers.”
Trixie ignored him. “And that's another thing!” She held an angry forelimb out, pointing nebulously towards Sunset's position at the very front of the forested parade. “Our illustrious leader got to keep that weird staff!” Her eyes bugged and she plunged forward, having forgotten how to trot on three limbs. The mare caught herself at the last second and continued complaining: “She got to carry it through the portal! What's up with that?!”
“What are you even talking about...?”
“The big Gandalfy stick thingy that Sunset, Rainbow, and Twilight brought with them!” Trixie spat. “The 'Staff of Cucaracha' or whatever!”
“You mean the magical Equestrian artifact that they used to stop the chaotic storm that sank the ship?” Flash droned, glaring at his partner. “The one thing that's responsible for why we're all alive and kicking as we speak?”
“Exactly!” Trixie batted away another flower and growled in mid-trot. “It's so unfair!”
Flash sighed. “Trixie, what are you going on about?”
“All of Trixie's stuff is back there on the sinking ship!” she huffed and puffed and trotted and huffed some more. “Her magic trunk! Her magic vase! Her cloak and cap and wand and top hat and... and... and everything!” Trixie rolled her eyes. “'Your bodies are more precious! You'll get your stuff back long after we've returned home and alerted authorities!'” She stomped her hooves in a particularly soft patch of forest soil. “Well, maybe Trixie's things are half of what makes Trixie precious!”
“They're all magical things...” Flash bore the slightest hint of a smirk. “...maybe you can just 'poof' them back once we've stepped through the other portal.”
Trixie glared at him. “Hardy har har...” She tilted her nose up again. “Not that I can expect a simpleton like you to sympathize...”
“What have I done now...?”
“Oh, nothing~” Trixie hummed, her eyes shut as she trotted along. “Nothing at all~” She pretended not to look at him, but Flash was unable to ignore a narrow pupil slicing towards him like a violet dagger. “Mister 'Bad Magic Is Over There.'”
“Huh...?” Flash blinked in genuine confusion.
“Oh, what?” Trixie glared at him dead-on now. “So on top of being a sad-sack, you've got a goldfish memory?”
“I'm not a 'sad-sack,'” Flash calmly retorted. “As for the goldfish thingy, didn't you ever watch that episode of Mythbusters—?”
“Don't play stupid with Trixie—” A particularly large flower bud smacked her in the face. Whap! “Ah... Ahhhh-CHOOO!” She rubbed her muzzle and resumed snarling. “Rainbow Dash stormed in on my act, looking for 'bad magic!' And she only did so because you totally pointed her in my way!”
“Hey... that's not fair...” Flash's brow furrowed. “Those were Rainbow's words! Not mine!”
“Yes, and when she specifically asked a crowd of vacationers where there was 'bad magic,' who was the first to point her towards Trixie of all people, huh?”
Flash sighed, looking forward. In truth, he remembered the situation—as awkward as it was. Rainbow was making a scene, ruining everyone's good time with her somewhat exaggerated paranoia. At the time, Flash only wanted to usher Rainbow away from everyone—so that the crew could resume having a good time. And it's not like he was the only one who gestured her towards the auditorium where Trixie's act was unfolding. His guy friends were seated with him—none of whom were anywhere near him and his “Trot Buddy” at the present. He couldn't blame them.
He couldn't blame anyone, but...
“I'm sorry, Trixie, for insinuating that your magic act was 'bad' in some way...”
“And...?”
Flash blinked. He looked at Trixie.
Trixie stared straight forward, calm and cool... and waiting.
“And... uhm...” Flash fidgeted in mid-trot. “...for... saddling you with a very, very paranoid Rainbow Dash?” He smirked crookedly. “No pun intended.”
“And... …?”
His muzzle hung open... but he could only shake his head. “What else do you want from me?”
“Well, maybe if you had actually summoned the courtesy to sit in on one of the Grreat and Powerrful Trrixie's perrformances, you would know that it's awesome and fantastical!” she proclaimed, her R's rolling more than a few times with dramatic finesse. “Then you wouldn't be so quick to call it awful, hmmmm?”
“Trixie, I never said your performance was 'awful!' Who's said that?! Nobody's saying that!”
“Hah! Easy for you to cover yourself now when... y-you can't cover yourself with anything else.” She cleared her throat, blushing and averting her eyes from everypony. “Trixie swears she's putting a petition to shut down Furaffinity when she gets back...”
“Besides...” Flash continued on another point altogether. “...I'm surprised you would even want a pathetic 'sad-sack' like me soiling your showman's reputation.”
She squinted at him. “Huh?”
“You know.” His horse nostrils flared as he took his turn to avert a stubborn gaze. “'Flash Sobbstry.' The beta boy that 'no girl wants anything to do with.'”
Trixie opened her muzzle to retort—but then closed it. “Hrmmf!” She glared forward. She puffed her cheeks... trotted... then puffed her cheeks again. After a half-minute of quiet forest trotting, she eventually muttered: “Trixie is sorry...”
Flash exhaled, his whole horse body loosening noticeably. He nodded slightly. “It's okay, Trixie...”
“...sorry that you haven't had a chance to watch the Grreat and Powerrful Trrixie in the spotlight before!”
“Unnnngh...” He bowed his head low to the Everfree Earth.
“Then you wouldn't be so quick to make harsh judgments about the one skill that carries Trixie above the rest!” She smiled, winking aside. “Seriously, Flash, you have nobody to blame but yourself.”
“Don't you mean 'nopony?'” he droned.
“Don't appropriate!” she tilted her head up, haughtily. “It's undignified—” Whap! Another flower. “Aaaah... AHHH—CHOOO!”
This time Trixie's horn glowed at the precise moment of the sinus discharge. A violet beam of light fired into the crowd ahead of them. A column of “Trot Buddies” jumped in opposite directions—gasping—as the energy beam flew across the forest, bounced off two trees trunks, and impacted a pine cone. ZAAAAP! The seedling morphed into a pink teacup that shook, wobbled, and finally fell loose from its branch, crashing to the forest floor below. Cliiink!
While several marching horses glared back at the pair...
...Trixie was gasping with delight. “Did... you... see... that...?!”
“Uhhhh...” Flash grimaced, his pegasus wings coiling nervously at this sides. “...still processing...”
“Ooh... Ooooh...” Trixie did little filly jumps in place, biting her smiling lips as she crossed her eyes at her horn. “Eee-hee-hee! Alien horse magic!” She hoofy-danced, beaming at her partner. “Trixie wonders if she can do it again?!?”
“HRAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRHHH!!!”” Roared a... big hairy thing with a lion's body, a bat's wings, and a scorpion's tail. With a murderous snarl, the magical beast lunged across a clearing in the Everfree Forest, its claws aimed at a group of cowering ponies.
At the very last second, a beam of turquoise energy ensnared its tail, yanking it back in mid-air. The beast fell ineffectually to the ground—then clawed at the earth as it felt itself being tugged backwards.
“Rnnnngh...!!!” Sunset Shimmer sweated all over. Her brightly-glowing horn formed steam in the afternoon air as she strained to pull the hungry beast from the dozens of people-ponies reflected in its bloodthirsty eyes. “Everybody! Stay b-back!” she hissed, gnashing her teeth as her unicorn powers fluctuated on the verge of overload. “Keep with your Trot Buddy and wait for us to dispense with this beast!”
“What is that th-thing?!?” a teenager's voice cracked.
“Looks like a mount from World of Warcraft!” another nasal'd.
“Microchips, now's not the time—”
“HRESSSSSSSSH!!!” The beast spun about, yanking free of Sunset's magic and taking a swipe at her with her claw.
“Htttt!” Sunset leapt backwards. With a pulse from her horn, she levitated a log and held it out like a shield, blocking multiple scorpion-stabs from the monster's poison-barbed tail. “It's called a 'Manticore!' And it won't stop attacking until it's either been fed or...” She shoved the log against the weight of the beast. “...rnnnnghhh—shown who's dominant!!!”
“Everybody, just do as she says!” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed. Huddling in the shadows alongside several other ponies, she adjusted her big adorkable glasses and barked: “Sunset knows what she's doing!”
“Yeah, well, she looks like she could use a helping hoof!” cracked a voice from overhead. “Hiyaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
In a prismatic streak, Rainbow Dash dive-bombed into the spine of the manticore. The beast howled in discomfort and swiped madly at the pegasus with his paw.
She dodged the attack, backflipped, and came back down with rapid kicks of her rear hoofs. “Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta!!!”
“Rainbow—!” Sunset grimaced, floating her log out further to keep the manticore from hitting her flying friend back. “Didn't you hear what Twilight and I just said?!”
“No way I'm letting you wrestle this melon fudge on your own!” Rainbow bore a devilish grin and performed loopty-loops above the beast's furry crown. “Don't worry, Sunset, I've got this! I've speedrunned God of War!” She dodged a scorpion tail, twirled about, and walloped the manticore on the head. “Zooop!” Whack!
“HRAAAAAUGHHH!” Angrier and angrier, the monster swung and thrashed about blindly.
“Ugh... Fine!” Sunset merely frowned, pivoting her body and forcing the monster to strafe further into the clearing. “Just help me move it away from the rest of the expedition! That'll be step number one!”
“You got it, chief!” Rainbow saluted before side-dodging a clawswipe. “Whoah! Haha! Jump back! Kiss myself! Whoop!” She dove in repeatedly for swift jabs to the monster's backside. “Hey! Twi! How about a bit of light, huh?”
“Huh? Oh! Uhm...” Twilight's nose scrunched beneath her glasses... then scrunched harder. “Hrnnnnnnnnnttt!” At last—after what looked like passing a stone—the bookworm-turned-unicorn summoned a steady pulse of lavender illumination from her horn. “Ahh!” She grinned rosily, proud at herself. “Excelsior!”
“Twiliiiiiiiiight!” Rainbow pointed, sweating and flying and dodging. “At the freak! Blind him!”
“Oh! Uhm... right! On it!” Twilight aimed her head forward from the sidelines, doing as she was told.
All three mare-girls continued distracting and fighting the otherwordly creature...
...meanwhile, Trixie and Flash Sentry squatted low in a cluster of bushes, watching intently from afar.
“Wow...” Flash's muzzle hung open. His eyes focused on the most fiery of the three heroic figures. “...I always knew that Sunset was brave, but I never knew she was this brave.”
“Mmmmmmm...” Trixie fiddled with a dead leaf, folding it in two.
“But here... she's in her element... she's the real deal...” Flash bore a dumb smile. “She's braver than I ever imagined.” A slight chuckle. “...that's pretty cool.”
“Yuh huh...” Trixie folded the leaf into four. “...why not write a song about it?”
Flash wrenched his gaze off the noisy fight. “What's gotten you so down?”
The pouted, attempting to fold the leaf into six. Crunch. It fell into tiny brown platelets and blew away in the wind. “Sparkle.”
Flash's eyes darted towards the four-eyed Twilight, then back to Trixie. “What about her?”
Trixie pouted some more, pawing at the loose soil beneath them and the bushes. “Why couldn't Trixie be providing the magical glow for this epic showdown of great and powerful proportions?”
“... … ...” Flash looked into the clearing. Rainbow attempted suplexing the manticore while Sunset smacked it several times with the staff—all in the spotlight of Twilight's hornlight. “Well...” He looked back at Trixie. “Face it. These three have been through way more than both you or me.”
“Mmmmmmmmmmmmehhhhhhhh...” Trixie meh'd.
“They've been through the trip to Ponyville and back... that's why they're leading us through this expedition to begin with.
“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmehhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Trixie meh'd even harder.
Flash leaned his chin against a dirt-stained hoof. “Don't you think you're being a little bit unfair to them?”
“Trixie has dealt with magical miscreants before, y'know!” She frowned, glaring into the epic battle of ages. “Just before spring break, for instance! Trixie helped Sunset defeat... defeat... whatshername! Y'know...! Erhm... Cauliflower Barnacles! The non-consensual alzheimer's girl!”
Flash blinked. “...Who?”
“Point is, I have experience! I have gusto! I have... I have...” And just like that, Trixie looked adorably constipated once more. “Hrnnnnnnnghhhh!” At long last—after much overconcentration—her horn glowed violet from tip to base. “See?! Trixie can do actually things in this world! She can turn that beast's ugly face into magical teacups—”
With a tiny sizzle, her own horn extinguished itself. The bush and its surrounding foilage turned dark once again.
“Euuunngh...” With a defeated sigh, Trixie fwomped her face into the bed of leaves where they were hid. “It's no use. Trixie is done for.”
“Look... why don't we just relax and...” Flash gestured towards the cacophonous scene. “...let them Jackie Chan it up a bit on their own, okay?”
“Mrmmmfff... easy for you to say...”
“Huh?”
She tilted her blue face up just enough to glare at him. “You're always keen on sitting it out on the sidelines. Letting your girlfriend do all the hard work.”
“She's not my girlfriend...”
“Your girlfriends do allllll the work and all you do is sit back, look pretty, and write songs to cheer them on! You know your place, Mister Sentry, and it's sure as heck not the spotlight! Not like Trixie! So... how can you understand...” She sighed again, staring longingly at the combat. “...how ungreat and unpowerful this makes her feel...”
Flash bit his lip, gazing aside. He thought about the first year he dated Sunset. She was demanding, callous, obnoxious, and a complete and utter bully to every student at CHS around them. And—despite that fact, and knowing that fact—he continued dating her for a second year... and a third. Through three separate Fall Formals, he remained by her side, supporting her, enabling her—and all of her reprehensible actions.
It was long surmised—often by Sunset herself—that she only dated Flash because he was popular. Supposedly it served her and her quest for power—both socially and magically.
And yet, the young man often saw things a different way, and it formed a lump in his throat every time he forced himself into the humbling retrospection. Truth was, he enjoyed her spotlight. Because—he had to face it—Sunset Shimmer was always far more interesting than he ever could have been. She was magical unicorn woman from another dimension? Himself? He was just a wannabe punk rocker in torn jeans. Even with all of her negative qualities, Sunset's significance reigned far and wide above his.
And when they stopped dating, it was as if his usefulness in the universal equation nullified itself. People stopped talking to him. People stopped paying attention to him. Aside from a smattering of guy friends, Flash was virtually alone—and he only had himself to blame. He cringed even harder upon remembering how hard he tried to... soak up another unicorn woman's spotlight... how much he couldn't just leave the glory be to her alone.
It was no wonder that she pushed him away. It was no wonder that everyone thought he was just sad and pathetic. One didn't need a magic portal to wedge a universe between himself and the worlds beyond.
Flash knew this. Nobody else needed to be bothered with the truth. Least of all a random trot buddy.
“Everyone...” He felt his muzzle moving on its own. “...finds their time in the spotlight at some point or another, Trixie.”
“Hrmmfff...” She snorted, her eyes trailing after Rainbow Dash as she pinballed between trees and kamikaze'd the manticore yet again. “Yeah, right.”
“I mean it.” Flash pointed. “Look at Twilight over there.”
“Heh. Yeah. I'm sure you'd like to.”
He clenched his jaw, continuing nevertheless: “Barely six months ago, she was just some random student at Crystal Prep. But look at her now!” He smiled as the egghead in question zapped light magic at the beast, stunning it so that Rainbow and Sunset could go in for the knockout blow. “She's going on fantastical adventures, learning Equestrian magic, battling a Macdonald!”
“Manticore.”
“Whatever. Point is... she went from below-average to badass in less time than it took for you and I to plan our majors beyond CHS!” Flash looked at Trixie. “That's pretty darn quick on the uptake!”
The blue-mane'd pony growled into the shrubgrass. “How is this supposed to encourage Trixie?”
“Point is, that could happen with you too!”
“Not even a fair comparison.” Trixie harumph'd, nose skyward. “Sparkle and her friends have Equestrian magic on their side! You ask me, it's cheating.”
“It's magic,” Flash droned. “It's all 'cheating.'”
Trixie flung him a flabbergasted look. “Spoken like a true simpleton! What do you know about the mystifying depths of true wizardry?!”
“Not nearly as much as you!” Flash managed a wink. “Which is why you have that much more of a chance of earning the spotlight someday. You just gotta give it time...!”
“... … ...” Trixie rubbed her fuzzy chin. “Give it time...”
“I mean... sure... why not... y'know...?”
“Come to think of it...” Trixie's lips pursed. “...back in our world, the only people who get empowered with Equestrian magic are women. So, if that reigns true...” She finally smirked. “...that gives me at least fifty percent more of a chance of getting somewhere in life than you.”
“Cool.” Flash monotone'd. “Do you feel any better?”
“Or maybe it's one hundred and fifty percent,” Trixie wondered aloud. “How would that ratio work, exactly? Bah! Trixie is bad at math...”
“Probably explains why you stick to handkerchiefs.”
“Hmmff! If Trixie finds a magical geode back home, it better not be cosmic wheelkinesis or something. That would really chap Trixie's caboose.”
“That... is...” Flash nodded... nodded some more... and chose to face the ongoing fight scene. “... … ...yeah. Sure. Whatever you say.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, sad-sack.” Trixie slapped his backside and winked. “You're really not that useless of a cheerleader after all.”
He was still wincing from the stinging sensation in his flank. “Guess I'll have to write another song...”
Whap! A vicious uppercutting paw sent Rainbow Dash flying backwards and across the clearing. “Waaaaaa-aaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaa...!!!” Her crashing body formed a steep trench in the dirt until she grinded to a stop, lying upside down and facing just inches away from Flash's nose.
“Alright, everypony!” Sunset Shimmer called out. It was dark now, and while her voice carried far, the light of her masterful horn carried farther. Over a hundred fuzzy faces gasped in relief as she marched down the line, speaking boldly: “Let's rest here for the night! That run-in with the manticore two hours ago really threw off our pace! We should rest here and continue the rest of the journey in the morning!” She and Rainbow and Twilight gathered the large group of equines into a circle so her light could shine on everyone. “I'm sorry that there's no food beyond the provisions we were able to carry through the portal. I promise—at first light—I'll set out and fetch some breakfast for all our pony bellies! The most important thing for right now is for all of us to stay together! We can't afford to lose track of a single member of our group or else you risk getting lost in the Everfree Forest or—as silly as it sounds—running into your pony double beyond the woods. Trust me... you don't want that to happen.”
“Hrmmfff!” Trixie harumph'd, plopping down in the tall grass with angry, folded forelimbs. “Trixie can't believe this! Does Sunset Shimmer actually expect us to just sit here overnight?! Look at Trixie! She's being forced to sleep in the dirt! Like an animal!”
“Well, to be perfectly honest,” Flash Sentry exhaled as he came to a stop, wiping sweat from his brow. “You are an animal.”
“Exuse me?!?” Trixie glared up at him.
“Er, I mean...” The teenage stallion's wings coiled and uncoiled as he bore a nervous smile. “We all are.”
“That's a slippery slope that Trixie most definitely does not wish to ride her powerful and great toboggan down!” Trixie huffed and folded her forelimbs beneath her body like a fuzzy blue horse-cat. “I mean, for the love of Houdini! What else does she expect us to do in the woods?”
“I mean...” Flash shrugged. “If you wanna go behind a tree...” He gestured. “...there are plenty to spare.”
“What?!?!?” Trixie's pupils shrunk to spasming pinpricks while her mane flopped back like a pale exclamation mark. “I can't believe you're actually embracing the craziness of this situation! Why don't you just go full nature, you... you... fuzzbucket?!”
Flash sighed. “What kind of an insult is that?”
“A cluttered one.” Trixie pouted, hanging her head. “Trixie just invented it.” A long, girlish moan escaped her crooked lips. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh... even Trixie's improv is suffering...!” She buried her muzzle into her forelimbs. “Mrmmmffff... how is she ever going to regain her mojo on staaaaaage...?”
“Well... uh...” Flash scratched his chin, then smiled with perked ears. “You could always try out for Hoof Line Is It Anyway?!”
“... … ...” Two rosy disks of murder peered up at him from between Trixie's forelimbs and her brow.
“What?” Flash cleared his throat. “Is a Millennial not allowed to make that joke?”
“More like a Moronnial.”
“See? There's hope for you yet!”
“Trixie doesn't understand why sad-sack is trying to improve her spirit.” She huffed. “Anything good about me was left behind at least five stampedes ago.”
“Just trying to make the best out of the situation,” Flash said, trotting up beside her—but keeping a safe social distance. “I mean, we survived a magical storm and a shipwreck. Sunset promised a day and a half of trotting—tops.” He turned around once, twice, three times in place. “You ask me, that's waaaaaaaay frickin' better than just waiting on a sun-bleached island, hoping for a plane to fly over and spot us.” He plopped down after completing his tiny pony circles. “Ahhhhh...” He smiled... then blinked coldly. “Wait... why did I just do that?”
“At least Trixie would have been closer to her magic trunk of tools back on the island!”
“For all we know, the boat may have fully sunk by now,” Flash said. “All of your magic doohickeys could be marinating at the bottom of the ocean.”
“Don't say thaaaaaaaaaaat!” Trixie scrunched up with a sad grimace. “Trixie's trunk is very... very valuable to her!”
“Okay... okay...” Flash waved. “I'm sorry. I just figured... your life would be more valuable to you—”
“How much is a life worth living when you're miserable because your best resources are now soggy pirate loot?!?”
“Uhhhh...”
“Your guitar!” Trixie pointed. “You play a bass, yes?”
Flash's ears twitched. “Uh... Rhythm???”
“Whatever. Don't you worry about that rusting back on the boat?”
“I... uh...” Flash squirmed on his folded forelimbs. “...I-I didn't bring it actually.”
“You didn't bring your guitar?!”
“Uh... no?”
“Why not?” Trixie tilted her nose up. “A true artist takes their art everywhere they go!”
“I guess... I-I just didn't feel like taking it with me on board the cruise.” Flash shrugged. “Seeing as it was... … … a cruise.” He arched a fuzzy horse eyebrow. “You know... a vacation?”
“No excuses!” Trixie flipped her mane back and tilted her nose towards the darkening canopy. “Where leisure is, inspiration blossoms! That's why Trixie was performing on board the ship's auditorium! To gain a new perspective on the finer points of her performance!”
“H-hey...” Flash produced a proud smirk. “...pretty snazzy. You should write that down.”
“Pfffft! Don't be using sarcasm with Trixie!”
“I... wasn't...” Flash winced, leaning back from her as if she had pulled out a knife. “I sincerely meant it.”
“You actually believe in Trixie's philosophies?”
“Well, that one, sure...”
“Then how come you didn't bring your guitar to practice your talent on board the cruise ship?”
“Cuz I... didn't feel like it? I dunno...” Flash shrugged, gazing across the clearing at the multiple ponies squatting down—families and crewpersons and friends and CHS alumni. “...to tell the truth, I just haven't been feeling like making music lately.”
“Hah! Now that's a laugh!” Trixie snorted. “And I thought rock'n'roll was sad sack's whole schtick.”
“It's... not very funny...” Flash rubbed the back of his head with a limp hoof. “...also, please don't call me sad-sack.”
“Never before have you confirmed yourself so solidly in one sentence!”
“Actually, that was more like two sentences.”
“Alright. Three! Don't you like making music?”
“I... guess?”
“Then why not take it with you everywhere, Flash?! How can you become great and powerful if you aren't practicing all the time?!”
Flash looked into the deepening shadows of the Everfree Forest all around them. There was a familiar tone to the atmosphere—the hints and suspicions of shapes without any true forms coming together, forever receding into the abyss. There was a time with the muse came to him—danced its way up to Flash and pirouetted into his lap, where it proceeded to purr like a kitten. The sensation would roll up his spine and spark in his brain and the young man could create harmony and guitar riffs almost as if he was some Olympian deity reborn.
But all of that vanished sometime recently. He told people that it was because he was “taking a break” or that he was “following all pursuits.” They were all lies, of course.
The reality was—the ethereal muse of his mind had been replaced... more than once. Flash had stopped looking within and started gazing outside. He found idols—temporary goddesses—to carry the flame. And they dropped them just like they dropped him. In the end, he only had himself to blame for thinking another torch beside his was worthy of the talent. He felt vulnerable, shameful, and more than a little bit compromised.
But he also knew that—if he wasn't careful, and he let his heart (and other organs) grip to tightly to the rudder—he would just toss the flame back out again... and everything would be extinguished in a brand new darkness. One that he wasn't sure he could shred his way out of—guitar or no.
“I guess...” Flash's words limped out of his muzzle, and he lightly aimed them in Trixie's direction, almost hoping she wouldn't catch them. “...I guess I'm just lazy.”
“Hah! Yes, well... at least you're honest, sad-sack.”
Flash held his breath. He leaned his muzzle down against his crossed limbs.
Off in the distance, Sunset's voice echoed—just as loudly as before: “Alright! I know you're all itching to sleep, but first thing's first! We have to conduct roll call! Everypony stick to your Trot Buddy! This is very important! Now... I need to stand here so I can illuminate the whole group! I'm going to have Rainbow Dash go down the line and call out each of your names in the appropriate pairs! Please answer swiftly and clearly so we can check to make sure everyone's accounted for!”
“Yeesh...” Trixie rolled her eyes. “The way she goes about it, you'd think she was in the military or something!”
“Hrmmmfff...” Flash shut his eyes, suddenly overcome by the exhaustion of that day—and the ringing in his large, large horse ears that carried the distinct tonality of the magician girl he was infernally stuck with. “...she's battled a few wars. That's for sure.”
“Hmmmm... I wonder what pony wars there have been in this world...”
“Beats me.”
“Do they fight over apples? Oats? Bales of hay?”
“Beats me.”
“Gaugh! Now Trixie is getting hungry just thinking of cute pony wars!” Her blue figure curled up, hugging her horse tummy. “Ohhhhhhhhh... why do we have to wait until morning? We're horses! Can't we just—I dunno—graze?”
“Beats me.”
“Is that all you can say to Trixie?!?” she barked.
Flash groaned, reopening his eyes with an angry glint. “Just minutes ago, you were mortified at the idea of squatting in the woods. But now you wanna make like a hungry sheep?”
“No! Trixie wants to make like a hungry Trixie!”
“Meh...”
“Besides... one thing leads to another.” Trixie sniffed the vegetation around them. “...and if Trixie spaces things out...”
“Don't you dare do or try anything in this world unless someone like Sunset gives it the 'okay' first.”
“Ohhhhhhhhhhh...” Trixie waggled her eyebrow. “So my ball and chain is still attached to his ball and chain!”
“Don't be silly,” Flash muttered. “Sunset knows this place like the back of her... her...” Flash squinted. “...what the heck do you call the backside of a horse's leg, anyways?”
“Does it look like Trixie writes Filly Funtasia fanfiction?”
“Just... calm down...” Flash gestured with his fetlock. “...relax... and listen to whatever Sunset says.”
“Oh, keen wisdom there, sad-sack.” Trixie rolled her eyes. “Are you sure you broke up with her?”
“... … ...” Flash simply stared at her.
“What???”
“You're not stupid,” Flash muttered. “You're capable of object permanence and long-term memory.”
“Uhhhhh... yes...?” Trixie squinted anxiously. “...why are you stating the obvious to Trixie?”
“Because you don't accept what is obvious! Even when it's right in front of you!”
“Like...?”
“Rnnnngh—” Flash slapped the soil between them, making her jolt. “That someone like Sunset only wants what's best for us! And what's best for you!” He pointed at his fuzzy chest. “That I only want what's best for you!”
Silence.
Flash's nostrils flared. He stared ahead, watching as Rainbow Dash hovered briskly down the line, calling out to each pair of former-humans-now-ponies and listening as they responded.
“... … ...how can somebody who cares so little about his own talent care for the Great and Talented Trixie?”
“Just...!!!” Flash gnashed his teeth and waved a hoof stiffly between them. “...No. More. Chatting.” He blew out the side of his muzzle. “Until morning. Got it?”
“... … ...But Trixie will get borrrrrred!” She whined, and there was a rumbling sound. She curled up into an even tighter blue ball. “If Trixie's mind isn't occupied, then her stomach takes overrrrrrr!”
“Nnnnnngh-gwdddddddddddddd...” Flash groaned into the soil. “...why couldn't we have come out the portal as fruit flies and died in six hours???”
“Flash Sentry!” A voice cracked above.
Flash sat up straight, blinking tiredly. “Everything's horrible!” He winced, shaking his snout. “I-I mean... I'm here! Present...” A nervous smile. “Eheheh...”
Rainbow Dash squinted at him, then looked towards the mare at his side. “Trixie, you cool—?”
The showmare burped loudly—making both Rainbow and Flash jolt. With innocent puppy-pony eyes, Trixie gazed up at the roll caller. “Trixie is most certainly here and on her best behavior!”
“... … ...'kayyyyy.” Rainbow slowly slinked away from the pair, her wings and ears drooping. “Thanks for letting me check in.” She cleared her throat, then gave Flash a lasting squint. “So sorry, dude...” the pegasus rasped, and was gone.
“Hrmmmmf!” Trixie tried tilting her nose up, but she was struggling with a loud gurgle from her chest. “That wasn't very—hic!—polite of her!”
Flash gazed at her. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing!” Trixie sat up prim and proper. “Trixie is ready to sleep now!”
“... … ...” Flash glanced at the stalks of grass around Trixie. A few of them—closest to her muzzle—had been sliced halfway up the stem. “Trixiiiiiiiie...” His eyes narrowed. “...did you try eating some of the grass just now?”
“... … … ... … ...BRUPPPPP!” Her latest belch spat out a few drool-laden green blades that fluttered to the earth between the two trot buddies. Trixie covered her blue snoot with a dainty hoof and murmured: “I dunno...”
“Shnnnhorkkkkk—now watch the pen... zhhhskknkkttt—now you see it... now you... you... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...”
Flash's right eye opened, also bloodshot.
“Mmmmmmmmmmmadame... zzzzzzzz-watch closelyyyyyyyyyy...” An adorable, breathy voice rose and fell amidst waves of nasal slumber. “Izzzzzzzzzzzzthisssssss your carddddddddd...?”
Slowly—with the icy grace of a guillotine spring—Flash tilted his head aside to stare at the equine figure “sleeping” just inches to his right.
The leafy “floor” of the Everfree Forest was awash in a sea of slumbering bodies all gathered in a broad circle. Nopony was stirring, save for the softy body outlined in the starlight beside Flash. A certain showmare lay on her back, head and pale hair flopped back softly in the grass. Her forward and rear legs were slowly hoofy-kicking the air, as if she was swimming upside down through molasses. Eyelids closed—of course—with the barest hint of pupils darting left and right underneath.
“Mmmzzznzkkktt—the three of clubsssssssss...” Trixie's muzzle curved and her ears perked briefly before succumbing to gravity once again. “Mmmmmmbeen such a.... hrmmmmm—great audienceeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzsnkkktt...”
Flash clenched his eyelids tightly shut. Much to his chagrin, Trixie's sleeptalking performance kept on going—even through double encores. With a groan, the horse boy sat up. He ached all over, unaccustomed to sleeping on the ground... much less sleeping on the ground in a weird pastel pony body. His fetlocks ached from doing nothing but marching for half a day, and he felt residual strain from the stress of having escaped a sinking cruise ship.
With a sudden bout of insomnia, Flash tongued the inside of his mouth.
Did the stress, pain, and bruises from his teenage plight somehow carry over into the horse dimension? Into his new body?
If that was true, then the discomfort must have magnified. Fitting... seeing as he was a great deal smaller than his human body back home.
Wait, was he?
Flash wasn't certain, but he somehow felt that he was even... littler than the average pony.
'Little pony,' now that was a redundancy and a half.
Or was it? If a pony was the size of a house cat, one would certainly attribute a modifier to emphasize that...
“Grnnnngh...” Flash clamped two hooves on opposite sides of his scalp, hissing through his teeth in frustration. “I am trying to get some horse slumber in an enchanted forest. This no time to think about proper modifier etiquette!”
“Zzzzznkkkttt—autographs... mrmmmfff... in the lobby after the showwwwww...” Trixie stirred, massaged the air, and snored once again.
Flash's ears went flat. “Oh right. That.”
“Hey, Flash.” A third voice interjected, softly: “I didn't expect to see you up.”
Flash blinked. He saw a set of orange hooves before him, then glanced up.
Sunset Shimmer's pony face was gazing down at him. She was a horse with horse features—and exhaustion clung to her own furry complexion with heavy hooks—and yet somehow she still looked beautiful. She still... shimmered like the young woman Flash knew back in CHS. He attributed it to the moonlight peeking through the forest canopy above, for to rationalize it any way else would be too much trouble than a tired mind like his to handle.
“Aren't you tired from trotting all day?” Sunset asked, eyes narrowing. Crickets chirped in the background as she drew closer, her voice staying soft... whispery. “You really should get some rest for the last leg of the journey tomorrow.”
“Oh, I was just... I...” Flash glanced at the blue body stirring a foot away from him. A few seconds limped by, and he sighed defeatedly. “...guess I just have a lot on my mind.”
“I see.” Sunset nodded. “Well... since you're awake anyways...” She trotted over towards his side.
“Oh. But what I meant was—” He gestured. “That is, I was really wanting to—” Sunset was already settling down next to him. Flash hid the roll of his eyes and sat up at gentlecoltly attention. “But no matter. What's... uhm... on your mind, Sunset?”
“What else?” Sunset turned around and around. Flash steadily watched all three revolutions before she squatted down on folded limbs, staring blearily into the dark trunks of the forest. “This journey.” She exhaled long and hard. “Rainbow and Twilight are extra weary... so I volunteered for two watches in a row.”
“That's gotta be killin' ya,” Flash remarked.
“Mmmm... if anything, it's keeping me alive,” Sunset muttered. “These people need someone to look after them.”
He bore a sly smirk despite his tiredeness. “Don't you mean 'these ponies?'”
Sunset continued: “Y'know how this all started?” Sunset teetered a bit where she sat, her muzzle forming a brief frown. “I ignored Rainbow Dash when she insisted evil magic was afoot.”
“To be fair...” Flash stifled a yawn. “...she was being kinda annoying.”
“Still...” Sunset shook her head. “We're best friends. Heck, we're more than that.”
“You're super best friends,” Flash said, slowly winking.
“Hmmmm...” Sunset sighed. “What keeps us all together—what binds us—is our keen awareness of Equestrian magic and how harmony is balanced in our world.” She looked at Flash. “The human world.”
“Uh huh.”
“And Rainbow is... well... loyalty incarnate. When she assures us that there's a risk to our lives—I should be keen to take that seriously...!”
“And what if she was a boy-who-cried-wolf throughout every day of our spring break?”
“She right in the end, Flash.”
“Just because she was right this time doesn't mean she's gonna be right every time.”
“Mmmmm... I guess...”
“Nobody knows Equestrian magic more than you,” he declared. The stallion waved a hoof at the Everfree Forest surrounding the sleeping crowd. “Nopony knows Equetria better than you!”
“Mrmmmm...” Sunset fidgeted, nevertheless bearing a humble blush. “I dunno about that...”
“You know it better than the rest of us, at least,” Flash said. He stifled all yawns for the lecture ahead: “Sure, Rainbow's paranoia paid off. But she's still got a lot to learn about how to measure the seriousness of a situation. And how to lean on the friends she's loyal to... friends like you.” His eyes narrowed. “Rainbow might have uncovered the source of the magic that threatened the ship, but it was you who found the portal to Equestria and—as a result—our path home!”
“Yes, but...” Sunset grimaced, gazing at him once more with a foalish fold to her ears. “...was this really the best path home?”
Flash stared at her head. “... … ...it's amazing how much you emote as a horse girl,” he droned, teetering from exhaustion. “It's almost like I can read your thoughts. I bet you feel that way all the time back home with the geode, huh?”
“Flaaaaaaaash,” Sunset produced between her teeth.
He glanced at his trot buddy, then back to Sunset. “What if we didn't use the portal, huh? What if we just waited on that island to get rescued. What if it took days? Weeks? Months?” He leaned his head aside. “You think you're battling with guilt now? What if you could look back on absolute suffering and know that you could have chosen a different path?” He slowly shook his head. “No, Sunset. You made the right choice. As much of a toll it takes on our... horse butts...” A slight smile. “This really is the safer alternative.”
“Unnngh...” Sunset facehoofed grumbling into the starlight. “I really should have gotten us to the castle at Ponyville by nightfall...”
“Hey, is anypony hurt?”
“No...” Sunset looked up. “Well, Rainbow Dash got tossed around a bit and I'm scared she might be bleeding internally without showing it—”
“Nopony got hurt, huh?”
“... … ...nopony got hurt.”
“So why stress it?” Flash smiled. “Your plan is pulling us through this tough time. Over two hundred people delivered safe-and-alive from a crashed ship clear across the world? Another world over?” He shrugged. “It's a miracle work, Sunset. You're a miracle worker. So what if it takes a while...?” He glanced up at the stars. “...these people could learn some patience. Me included.”
“Hmmm... thanks, Flash...” Sunset smiled warmly. “Somehow, I always know I can feel better after talking with you.”
He breathed out the side of his muzzle. “It's what I'm good for.”
“Mmmmmmm—good? Greaaaaaaaat...” Trixie stirred, yawn, stirred again, and resumed snoring. “Grrrrrreat and powerrrrrrful....”
“Wow...” Sunset snickered. “Trixie even rolls her r's in her sleep.”
Flash huffed, gazing off. “She's been entering the wrong talent contests.”
“... … ...” Sunset glanced at him, at Trixie, then back at Flash again. “I'm... really sorry, Flash. Things have been... so complicated and busy, lately—what with this expedition across the heart of Equestria and all.” She took a deep breath and smiled. “How about tomorrow morning I... shuffle things around a bit?”
“Hmmm?”
“Twilight says a few other 'trot buddies' haven't... gelling quite so well together. Seems healthy to rearrange the groups a bit. So... how about it?” She nodded at Trixie's sleeping form. “I'm certain she'd get along better with Bulk Biceps. Heck, she'd probably ask him to carry her and—well, you know Bulk—he's always a 'water off the back' kind of a person.”
Flash gazed at her. Then he glanced over at Trixie, at the slight curl to her muzzle as she pretended to sniff flowers in her sleep. In the daytime, that same face put on so many frowns and pronounced so many angry breaths. She'd be liable to suffocate from all that exertion—like she was constantly running a marathon against herself with no rest in sight. Perhaps it was a very strange thing—and a graceful thing—that she'd be running the course alongside someone else for once.
“No.”
Sunset blinked. “No?”
Flash shook his head. Softly, he repeated: “No. Wouldn't be fair.”
“Guess you're right,” Sunset remarked. “I can practically hear the protests of the entire CHS alumni after being spontaneously partnered up with the likes of her—”
“What I mean is...” The white of Flash's teeth showed briefly in the moonlight. “...it wouldn't be fair to her.”
“Oh.” Sunset blinked, leaning back with a glazed expression. “Right. Of course.”
“Glad we agree.”
Sunset gulped—a slight shiver. “But...” Her eyes narrowed. “...will you be okay, Flash?”
“Zzzzzzzzzhmmmm... peanut butter and... Penn Jillette crackers...” Trixie purred, reaching up and clutching a length of her own mane like a blanket. A smile alit her fuzzy features.
“Yeah.” Flash nodded, eyes drifting. “I'm sure.” A cold sigh. “Besides... if we're headed where I think we're headed, then I'm gonna need plenty of distraction.”
“Oh?” Sunset blinked. A century later. “Oh.” A millennium. “Really?” she grimaced.
“Really,” he droned.
“After all this time...?”
“Would you forget someone like her after all this time?”
Sunset opened her muzzle... but simply smiled in defeat. “I guess not.” She grunted breathily as she stood up, shaking back into a pained standing position. “I... really gotta continue my rounds... perform another quiet headcount of every trot buddy.”
“We're in good hands,” Flash said.
“Hooves, Flash... hooves...” She winked. “Get with the program.”
“Tryin'.”
“And... uhm...” Sunset kicked at a few grass blades, avoiding his gaze as she said: “If it helps—when the time comes—I'll... do what I can to... uhh... make you scarce, y'know?”
“Mmmm...?”
“I want you to get home safely, Flash,” Sunset said. “But I also want you to be comfortable.” She gulped and glanced his way. “In the end, we both know that you weren't the one who went silent.”
Flash exhaled. It had been a long day, and sleep was forever eluding him—but then and there was the first time he felt any sense of relief. “Th-thanks...”
“I mean it.” She winked. “When you get to the castle, I'll... cast a spell or something. No one will think of you as anything more than a regular background pony.”
“What does that mean?”
“... … ...maybe I'll remember in the morning.” Sunset fought a yawn the marched off towards the edge of the crowd, using a faint horn light to illuminate her path. “Catch yourself a nap, Flash. Just don't make it a dirt nap.”
“Way ahead of ya,” he said, and fell straight backwards. FLUMP!
“WuuuAAAAaaaAAAAiiiieeeEEEEeeee!!!” Trixie jumped wide awake as if she was leaping lava from her dreams. She hovered in midair for a few cartoonish seconds—hoof-kicking at everything and nothing—before falling back down on her tummy with eyes rolling painfully in opposite directions. “OoooOoooOoooghhhhuuuuu...” Shaking the rattles out of her furry head, she frowned sleepily across the sun-laden clearing of the Everfree Forest. “Who has the AUDACITY to wake the Great and Powerful Trixie from her beauty sleep?!?!”
A freckle-faced pony with a sunny complexion and an even sunnier voice tilted her brown hat back and hoofed Trixie a bouquet of white flowers. “Dig in! Breakfast is served!”
Trixie's lips parted as she squinted at Applejack, at the Forest, and at the many-many ponies all around them waking to a meal of gathered flora. “... … ...you have got to be kidding Trixie.”
“No jokes about it, sugarcube!” Applejack said, smiling. “It's on the house! Courtesy of Sunset Shimmer! She and Rainbow went foragin' about this morning and found this whole field full of these here scrumptious flowers! Better eat 'em while they're hot! Err... eheheh...” Applejack rolled her eyes and chuckled. “You know what I mean.” She dropped a few buds down at Trixie's drooping face and continued trotting off, carrying more bouquets in a makeshift twig “basket” towards the rest of the group. “I know t'ain't bacon and grits, but y'all will be surprised how tasty and fillin' it is!”
“... … …” Trixie squatted low to the ground, squinting suspiciously through her drooping bed hair at the flowers. Like a suspicious cat, she reached forward and lightly pawed the unappealing white petals of the bouquet.
Beside her, an orange figure squatted, munching liberally at his own “plate” of stalks. “Mrmmffff... y'know...” Flash Sentry managed between bites. “...I can't stop thinking about Applejack. Like...” He smiled in Trixie's direction. “...why does the universe allow her to manifest in this world with that hat on?”
“Is this what Trixie has been reduced to?” Trixie pouted, gingerly picking the flowers and still grimacing. “A muncher of weeds?”
“I don't even think Applejack was wearing a cowboy hat on the cruise ship,” Flash continued. “So, like, what's up with that?” He turned and looked over his shoulder at key participants of the breakfasting crowd. “Also, do you remember Rarity wearing that much eyeshadow? As a human, I mean...”
“Hmmmpff!” Trixie frowned. “Does sad-sack even care about how miserable Trixie is feeling?”
Flash swallowed some more petals and said, “You just woke up hungry. Have a bite or two. It's really not that bad.”
“Says you.”
“I mean it! You'd think it'd be... well... icky and gross and such. But it actually goes down pretty well! Also—and I didn't expect this, having a waaaaaaaay bigger mouth than usual—but it actually has an enjoyable consistency as you're munching down on it!”
“Meh.”
Flash squinted at Trixie. “I thought last night you were hungry enough to eat a horse.” He blushed almost immediately. “Er... eheheh... you know what I mean...”
“Flowers are not for eating,” Trixie grumbled, shaking the cobwebs out of her tangled mess of a bed-ridden mane. “Flowers are for replacing wands and bunny rabbits and flame in a top hat.”
“Fake plastic flowers, huh?” Flash winked.
“Mehhhhhhhhhhh...”
“Hah!” Flash smiled, munching on more petals. “I almost made up a Radiohead song.”
Trixie glared daggers at him. “What's gotten you so bright and cheery, sad-sack?”
“I'm trying to earn a new nickname.”
“Yes, well, it won't work...” Trixie sat up, crackling the joints in her petite pony body. “Grhhh... Trixie knows that you're just a pathetic pretender underneath.”
“Just like you're a grumpy female dog all over?”
“Trixie begs your pardon?!?”
“You want advice for waking up in the morning?”
“No.”
“Just shake it loose,” Flash said. “Quick and fast. Slam through your exhaustion and embrace the light. If we had running water, I'd suggest a cold shower.” He gestured with his hoof. “Going about mornings slow means your whole day will be slow. Then where will you be?”
“If Trixie is lucky, a coffin.”
“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...” Flash bore a bittersweet smirk. “Come on, Trixie...”
“All of Trixie's performances are either in the late afternoon or at night. Trixie has never been and never shall be a morning person.”
“Well, you're not exactly a person anymore, so you're halfway through to a positive change!” Flash winked. “That'll give you a leg up! And we both have four of those!”
“Hrmmmff...” Trixie on her haunches, cradling the flowers in her fetlocks. “You should take up high school counseling.”
“Ayyyyyyy, thanks...”
“... … … Trixie hates high school counselors.”
Flash chuckled. “In a place and situation like this, I'd say it's best to direct your hate at something that doesn't currently exist.”
“Ughhh...” Trixie frowned at the scene bustling around them. “Why is everybody so bright and bushy-tailed?”
“Probably cuz they're fueling up with breakfast. You should too.” Flash ate his last flower, munched, and pointed towards a thinning treeline east of them. “According to Sunset and Rainbow Dash, we've only got an hour's trot to the forest's edge. Maybe less than that.”
“Then what?”
“The fields and plains of Central Equestria. Emerald hillsides, bright blue lakes, a huge castle in the distance...”
“Will Trixie be forced into a cutscene with a polygonal owl?”
“Huh?”
Trixie huffed. “I thought our journey was going to be a short one...”
“Oh! It is! Just... the challenge is going to be moving out in the open,” Flash said. “According to Sunset, each of us has a double in Equestria.”
“You mean there's another Trixie out there?”
“Didn't you know?” Flash smiled. “A Great and Powerful pony namesake!”
“Hah!” Trixie scoffed. “There's only one Grreat and Powerrful Trrixie! That horse doppelganger is nothing but an imposter! A horse hockey harlot!”
“Hey, that's the spirit!”
“Buh?”
“You're most energetic when you're competitive.” Flash pointed. “Maybe channel that energy into breakfast.”
Trixie once again eyed the unsightly food in her grasp. “Mrmmmm... where were we headed again?”
“Some place called 'Ponyville,'” Flash declared. “Aside from having a boring name, I know nothing about it. Except it has a castle... the Castle of Friendship, from the sound of things. That's where the portal is.”
“The portal that leads us back home?”
“Yeah...” Flash nodded. “Not sure why a horse castle has a portal that leads directly to Canterlot High School.” He tapped his muzzle in thought. “Guess that'd put a lot of bus drivers out of a job, if mass produced...”
“If all of our horse impostors are in Ponyville and beyond, then how are we going to get to the portal unseen?”
“That's the hard part,” Flash declared. “Sunny and Twilight are thinking it over. They're likely to give us a briefing just before we set out.”
“Oh joy.” Trixie rolled her eyes. “Trixie can't wait.”
“Sure you can. And there's one way to pass the time.”
“How's that?”
Flash pointed at the flowers in her grasp.
“Trixie... isn't quite sure...”
“Eat them,” Flash said. “We're trot buddies... not limp'and'drag buddies. We both need our strength to make it to our destination in one piece. Well... two pieces.”
“Is sad sack admitting that he would carry Trixie if he could?”
“Out of the question.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have feathers.”
“So?”
“It means I'm designed for flying. Not for pack muling.”
“Then... what is Trixie designed for?”
“Beats me, but you'd make a terrible warhorse.”
“Hrmmmfff... says you!” Trixie tilted her nose up. “The Grreat and Powerrful Trixie can be quite resourceful! There are many tricks up my sleeve!”
“Except you have no sleeves...”
“Fine! You want to see a capable colorful magic mare?! Trixie will show you!” And with that said, Trixie thrust half the bouquet in her muzzle. She munched and munched and munched... then froze in position, blinking wide.
Flash tilted his head to the side. “... … ...well?”
Sunset Shimmer stood on the very eastern edge of the Everfree Forest, squinting out into a bright sunny vista. Rolling green hills and patches of farmland dotted the fertile belly of Equestria between the treeline and a distant span of mountains—not quite blue and not quite red. One might even call the mountains “purple.”
“Okay... … ...”
Sunset resorted to pacing along the Everfree's crest, pausing sporadically to rub her muzzle in thought.
“Okay... … ...”
Trixie, Flash Sentry, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and nearly two hundred and fifty ponies stood in a tight cluster, craning their necks in tense patience to see what decision their “tour guide” would make next.
“Have you seen so much open space?” Rarity's voice murmured. The air whiffled—likely from the sound of her fanning herself with a delicate pale hoof. “My stars...! It's like an undiscovered country!”
“No roads...” Applejack remarked. “Hardly any signs of civilization. Except maybe a farm or two. Pure, good ol' country agriculture... heh...” She tipped her hat back. “Y'all reckon Sunset might let me move here?”
“I dunno about that, AJ,” Rainbow Dash remarked. “This is my second time here, and I've already seen my fair share of manticores, dragons, and evil wizard staves.”
“There are dragons here?!” Fluttershy gasped.
Rarity looked at her. “Oh, darling, don't be scared! I'm certain Sunset will help us steer clear of—”
“Do... do you think she'll let us see them?” Fluttershy's eyes sparkled. “If even for a brief diversion?”
Rainbow made a face. “You wan to see dragons? Like up close?”
“Yes! And sea serpents and centaurs and fairies and any other magical animals that might exist in this magical world! This is just too wonderful to pass up!” Fluttershy shifted. Her ears folded as she blushed. “I... I-I especially mean it about the 'fairy' part.”
“Not sure Equestria's that kind of a magical world, Flutters,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Maybe it's best that we avoid the dragons and such.”
“Well, batter my badunkadunk, Rainbow,” Applejack drawled. “I figured you woulda wanted to engage any and all dragons that this place has to offer head-on!”
“Look! I'm no coward! Maybe if I was on vacation—yeah—that'd be an awesome way to test these pony flying wings. But...” Rainbow glanced back at the herd of people-horses behind them. “Look at this crazy crowd? We gotta get them home'n'stuff!”
“Well, what's taking so blasted long?!?” Trixie frowned so hard her chin could cut glass. “Is Sunset Shimmer going to escort us to the horsey capital or not?”
“She's working on a solution right now...” Rainbow droned, eyes rolling.
“No she isn't!” Trixie's voice cracked. She flung a hoof in the unicorn's direction. “She's just pacing around and saying 'okay' over and over again! Look! She's gonna do it again!”
“... … ...Okay... … ...”
“See?!?!” Trixie barked.
“Flash Sentry, good sir, please calm your trot buddy down,” Rarity insisted without looking.
Flash shifted where he stood. “Uhmmmmm...”
“Trixie isn't just speaking for herself!” Trixie tilted her nose up. “She speaks for the entire group! We would all like to get home as quickly as possible—which is just what Miss Shimmer promised, was it not?”
“Look. Just calm down.” Rainbow frowned at her. “I'm sure everyone here isn't dying like you, Trixie.” She pointed at the stallion next to Trixie. “Look! Your buddy Flash is doing just fine! You should take after him!”
Flash bit his lip. “Uhhhhm... … ...”
“Actually...” Octavia Melody trotted nervously forward, head bowed and ears folded. “...I would very much like to get in contact with my family as quickly as possible.”
“Yeah...” Sandalwood also trotted forward, nodding. “...yo, my baby sister expects a cell phone call every night to check up on me. If I don't respond, she's gonna freak out and spread the panic to the rest of my folks back home!”
“I have a husband and son back in port! This recent cruise was the last in my contract for a month!”
“If I don't get to my business meeting by the end of this weekend, my company's stocks will plummet.”
“I thought the vote to follow Miss Shimmer through here was only unanimous because she assured we'd be home by now.”
“I don't know about the rest of you guys, but my guild is going to kill me if I don't join them as off-tank for the weekly raid circulation...”
“I've had a lingering cough for two weeks! I need to see a doctor!”
“I haven't done my taxes!”
“The company needs a full report on the events leading up to the ship's sinking and my job will be at risk if I don't fill them in immediately—”
“Hah! See?” Trixie beamed, gesturing at the crowd and their increasing volume. “Trixie is right! Again! How 'bout it, people?! Are we going to settle for just sitting here, twiddling our... our... horse-parts?”
“No!”
“Nosiree!”
“We gotta get a move on!”
Several of Sunset's friends sighed. They glared... in the direction of Flash Sentry.
Flash sweated. Coughing, he leaned aside and whispered to Trixie: “Hey... uh... Trix?”
“Not now, sad-sack. Trixie is on a roll—”
“Could we maybe can it with the riotous rhetoric? This is Horse Country, not Hong Kong.”
“You don't get to tell Trixie what to do.”
“I'm just saying...” Flash grimaced, leaning away from the daggers that Sunset's friends were glaring at him. “It might be in everyone's best interests to not get so riled up about—”
“Are you worried about everyone's interests?” Trixie batted her eyelashes at him, but held a frown cocked at the ready. “Or just your girlfriend's?”
“She's not my girlfriend,” Flash grumbled. “I only want us to get through this peacefully and—”
“Y'know, maybe people would be nicer and less likely to step all over you if you just let Miss Shimmer go?”
“Please top making this conversation about me. It's not! It's about the scene you're making—”
“Are you so scared of moving forward that you cancel out everyone around you who does the same?” Trixie turned her nose up. “Like me? Your trot buddy?”
“Trixie, I know that you're an expert showperson!” Flash swung a hoof towards the forest. “But you left the stage behind you! Back there! On the cruise ship! In another world!”
“You don't think Trixie knows that?!?” she raised her voice.
“Point is—stop making theatrics for the sake of theatrics!” he raised his voice. “This is Sunset's spotlight! Not yours!”
“The only drama here is your endless quest to defend your girlfriend!”
“SHE!” Flash Sentry bellowed. “IS! NOT!” He stamped both front hooves. “MY! GIRLFRIEND!!!”
“Flash Sentry!” Sunset shouted.
The stallion spun around, eyes sparkling above a bright smile framed with sweat. “Y-yes, Sunset?” he chirped.
“... … ...” Sunset squinted at him, then at the rowdy crown behind. “...why are you making such a scene? I turn around for one second and it's like the Exodus from Egypt over here.”
“I... uhm... er...” Flash fidgeted, tail coiling up between his legs. “...what I mean to say is...”
“... … ...”
Flash bowed his head. “I'm sorry.”
Trixie face-hoofed with a groan.
“Whatever.” Sunset Shimmer marched between him and the rest. “Okay, everypony!” She hopped up onto a tree stump and smiled down at the crowd. “Sorry for the slight delay! I had to crunch the numbers in my head! But don't you worry!” Her eyes lit up. “I've got a plan!”
“Bushes?!?” Trixie scoffed, eyes wide as saucers. She swung her hoof incredulously at the thick arrangements of transplanted shrubbery being gathered all along the edge of the Everfree Forest. “Seriously?!?” She snarled in Sunset Shimmer's direction. “You're going to stake this entire expedition on bushes?!?”
“Hey... look at it this way...!” Flash Sentry smiled aside at Trixie. “It worked decently well for one of two Gulf Wars! Heh heh! Heh heh heh heh...”
Trixie merely glared at Flash.
“Ahem...” Flash took a few careful steps back from the mares who were squaring off. “Just pretend I'm not here.”
Sunset sighed, standing beside Twilight and Rainbow who were clumping multiple bits of vegetation together. “I don't remember asking for your input, Trixie.”
“Well, Trixie's input, you've now got!” Trixie barked. “And now that you've heard it, I hope you can deal with the irrationality of this moment in front of everyone you've gathered from the cruise ship!”
“Lay off her jugular, Trix!” Rainbow groaned, rolling her eyes. “This worked for us the first time we were here!”
“That was only three of you!” Trixie gestured at the crowd. “Allow Trixie to remind you that we've got nearly three hundred.”
“Actually...” Twilight Sparkle adjusted her big pony spectacles. “It's exactly two hundred and twenty-two.” She smiled at Sunset. “Isn't that wonderful? The absolute perfect dividend for pairing up trot buddies!”
“Heyyyyyyy!” Rainbow smiled. “Don't aim math at me without consent!”
“What Trixie means...” The showmare leaned back and folded her forelimbs. “...is that unless you intend to move the entire forest, this is going to involve a lot of bushes! And either way, you're going to attract attention!”
“Uhm... why are we doing this so stealthily?” Fluttershy asked, stepping out of the crowd with nervous eyes. “The Princess of Friendship knows us. She knows that some of us have found a new portal to Equestria. Is it really such a huge necessary secret to have an entire procession of normal-looking 'ponies' trot across the valley of this fantastical kingdom?”
Pinkie Pie cupped her hooves around her muzzle and hollered from the crowd: “She's really adorable when she's making sense!”
“Actually, darling, Fluttershy is adorable all the time!” Rarity added.
Pinkie Pie glared aside. “I don't remember you being allowed to add light-hearted interjections!”
“I'm going to let you in on an unflattering truth about Equestrians,” Sunset said in a muttering tone. “And this is especially the case with Ponyville ponies.” Her eyes darted back and forth, as if worried over leaking a forbidden secret. “We're... a paranoid and superstitious bunch.”
“What's that mean?” Rainbow asked. “Batman preys on you or something?”
“No. It means that... we're really big on herd mentality. And that includes the instinct to stampede.” Sunset Shimmer fidgeted awkwardly. “It's... prevalent among more than just ponies. Cattle. Donkeys. Breezies...”
“Wow...” Applejack blinked. “Hamburgers talk in this world?”
Sunset Shimmer went on: “Why, this one time—according to Princess Twilight—the entirety of Ponyville nearly experienced a societal collapse just because of a runaway pack of bunnies. Three mares even suffered heart attacks!”
“Uh-wee...” Twilight Sparkle shuddered. “And I thought I had panic attacks...!”
“Hmmmf!” Trixie folded her forelimbs even tighter. “The narrow-mindedness of horse-people is no excuse for us to pick the absurd path to our goal!”
“Says the pony whose entire career is built on smoke and mirrors,” Rainbow said.
“Trixie does not appreciate that cowardly ad hominem attack!”
“Uhm...” Twilight pointed. “...technically, in this situation it'd be called 'ad equidae'.”
“The Grreat and Powerrful Trixie knows when she is being heckled!” Trixie stomped her hoof. “Just because she's trying to talk some common sense into our misguided trot-guide!”
Sunset frowned. “Now who's committing an ad hominem?”
“Equidae.”
Sunset waved off Twilight. “Whatever!”
“Please tell Trixie you aren't seriously planning on escorting everybody here to the heart of Ponyville via a bush!”
“Not at all!” Sunset Shimmer smiled nervously, toeing her hooves in the soil. “... … ...it's multiple bushes!”
“Augh!” Trixie tossed her hooves. “Trixie gives up!”
Flash cleared his throat and leaned forward. “What exactly do you have in mind, Sunset? Going back and forth with just a few bits of shrubbery?”
“Look, I know it sounds stupid! Silly, even. But I know this landscape!” Sunset smiled hopefully at the crowd. “Aside from Ponyville, there are barely any ponies living for kilometers in any direction! And the ones who do live low to sea level in sporadic farmlands spread across the valley! Those who live in the Canterlot mountains are so far away that they won't tell the difference between a bit of shrubbery and the verdant countryside! This is our safest way to camouflage ourselves and get to our destination without causing a needless panic! You gotta trust me!”
The crowd murmured amongst themselves, shrugging with mixed certainty.
“Yes... but...” Flash scratched the back of his head. “So much back and forth—just to get all two hundred plus of us to the Princess' castle.” He winced. “Won't that take—like—forever? And haven't we spent enough time as it is because of the manticore delaying our movement?”
The crowd began murmuring louder, belying unease.
Sunset huffed a heavy sigh. “Flash, I really don't have the time to get into it with—”
“You trust the Princess of Friendship, right?”
The unicorn blinked dumbly. “But of course!”
“And she trusts you?”
“Yeahhhh...?”
Flash smiled. “So how about this?” He pointed. “We go with your 'camouflaged sneaking plan,' but we send only a few of us. Y'know... like scouts! Messengers!” He turned to face the other ponies watching the scene. “The rest of us stay here. Hang out along the edge of the Everfree Forest—but not deep enough to be in danger of any of the magical creeps here. Then...” He turned to face Sunset again. “...once the scouting party reaches Her Majesty, we tell her the situation and enlist her help in getting the rest of us to the Ponyville portal quickly!” He shrugged as Trixie blinked at him. “See? It's not too different than what you've already got planned! Don't you think that—with a little help from pony friends in charge of this place—we can avoid both panic and an unnecessary loss of time?”
“... … ...” Sunset merely tapped her chin in thought.
The crowd of fuzzy faces glanced at one another, eyes lighting up.
“Reckon he's got a point there, Sunset,” Applejack said. “The simplest plan is always the best, if you ask me.”
“And AJ is as simple as it gets!” Rainbow said.
“Well, shucks...” Applejack droned, glaring in Rainbow's direction. “Thanks.”
“You're welcome!”
Twilight Sparkle looked at Sunset. “What do you think, Sunset? Would Princess Me be able to help us?”
“Well, I can't speak for her, but...”
“Then let Trixie speak for everypony here!” Trixie pumped a forelimb, smirking. “We want to get home as quickly as possible! And sad-sack's plan can make it happen!”
“Woo!” Sandalwood hollered from the crowd. “Go Flash!”
“YEAHHH!!!” echoed a steroid-induced set of vocal cords.
A few other familiar voices from the gathered ponies hooted and hollered.
Flash rubbed one forelimb against the other, blushing slightly.
“Should we... put it up to a vote?” Rarity suggested.
“No...” Sunset shook her head. “I already know where this is going.” She squinted icily in Trixie's direction. “... … ...if things go south, I'll be sure to remember this conversation.”
“Oh cheer up, Sunny bun!” Pinkie Pie giggled in her friend's direction. “Leave the stuck-up demon to the first movie!”
“Meh.” Sunset Shimmer returned to the shrubbery. “I suppose some volunteers are in order!” she called over her flank, tail flicking. “If we're going to do things this way, we'll need a capable scouting party—not just myself, Twilight, and Rainbow!”
“But of course!” Trixie nodded. “Only the best and brightest ponies will do!”
“That's what I'm thinking!” Flash nodded, resting a hoof on Trixie's whither. “And I can't think of anypony better than myself and my fellow trot buddy, Trixie Lulamoon!”
“What?!?!?!” The blue showmare's fuzzy jaw dropped low.
The crowd was already cheering.
“Woohoo!” Thunderbass exclaimed.
“Yay!” Fluttershy managed.
“Touchdown!” Derpy added.
Trixie batted Flash's hoof away and gawked at him. “Are you crazy?!”
Flash's lips pursed in concern. “What, did I get your last name wrong?”
“You can't volunteer yourself and Trixie like us!”
“You don't consider yourself the best and the brightest?”
“That describes only half of us, you insufferable ignoramus! Trixie doesn't want to march for kilometers under the cover of shrubbery and maybe-possibly-accidentally cause a mass Equestrian social collapse via herd mentality pandemonium!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaand we have our first two volunteers!” Rainbow Dash pointed at the pair of trot buddies.
“Well said, Rainbow!” Sunset smirked in Trixie's direction. “I'm sure they'll be glad to lend a hoof.” She turned to look at the rest. “Anypony else?” She saw hooves raised. “Bulk Biceps and Miss Hooves, come on down! Pinkie Pie! Rarity! Sure thing! Lyra...!”
As Sunset called out the members of the newly-forming scouting party, Trixie resumed snarling in Flash's face. “Grrrrrrrrrrrr... this is all your fault!”
“But... just now...” Flash gestured. “...you made a grand show about how you disapproved of Sunset's plan and—!”
“Are you stupid?!?” Trixie snarled. “That's just because Trixie wanted to get under her skin for showing off and pretending to be a know-it-all when in fact she's just wasting everypony's time!” She folded her forelimbs. “Trixie had done her job! Sunset's superficial show-off-ish-ness was on fulllll display for everypony in attendance! But then you had to stick your manly muzzle in and throw Trixie off her game!”
“Are you telling me...” Flash gnashed his teeth. “...that all of this was some crazy matriarchal power battle of social wits?!”
“Duhhhh! What, did you crawl out of the lockerroom yesterday, you smelly meathead?!”
“Oh for the love of God, will you...!” Flash waved both hooves at her. “Won't you... … ...” A huffing breath, and he barked: “... … ...stop having estrogen!!!”
“What?” She arched an eyebrow. “Jealous?”
“Meh.” A frowning Flash marched over to where Sunset and company were gathering materials. “Come. Help me grab a bush.”
“Of all the stupid cartoonish hare-brained schemes that Trixie could ever get herself involved in...”
“... … ...”
“This is never going to work. How could it work?!? It's like trying to cross a busy highway wearing cheap stage decorations!”
“... … ...”
“Ugh! And why is Trixie's fur chafing? I think I'm having an allergic reaction to whatever leaves are growing from these thorny branches! Take a look. Here—see? Does Trixie look like she's breaking out into a rash to you?”
“... … ...”
“Helloooo?!? Are you listening to a word Trixie is saying?! Or are you too busy being a self-centered nincompoop?! Let's not forget it was you who got Trixie into this mess—!”
“Will you please can it?!” Flash Sentry snarled. “This is supposed to be a secret sneaking mission!”
This entire time, he had been doing the main hoofwork: namely carrying the two of them and a large cluster of vegetation across the rolling hillsides of Equestria. Literally—he was carrying Trixie. The lighter, softer of the two ponies took it upon herself to hold the multiple branches of the bush, so that it spread up and outward like an umbrella—covering the two trot buddies.
“More like secret sucking mission!” Trixie huffed. “Guh! It's barely been ten minutes of this godawful trek and Trixie is already sweating! Feel it?! Do you feel the Great and Powerful Trixie sweating?”
“Feel it. Smell it. Loathe it.” Flash himself was drenched in perspiration. He may have possessed strong horse limbs, but he was still unaccustomed to such hard labor over a long-distance trot. He kept his muzzle and gaze steady, following the zig-zagging movements of no less than three other “bushes” shuffling in a sporadic, serpentine fashion across the fertile valley of Equestria. “Can we complain a little less, though?” He huffed and puffed. “I'm trying to concentrate on the rest of the train.”
“You call this scouting party a 'train?!'” barked Trixie, fidgeting atop Flash's posterior. She nevertheless did her part—holding the branches in a tight formation as they crossed a dirt road, navigated a shallow stream, and hugged the southern crest of a sloping hillside. “It's more like a smattering is misguided gandy dancers at best!”
“Could you re-word that?” Flash panted and sweated. “I don't speak David Copperfield.”
“Magic has nothing to do with it! And if it did—it'd be a horrible act at that! I mean—just look at this path Sunset is making us take!” Trixie gestured towards the horizon, nearly throwing off their camouflage. Flash gave her a little shake, and she recovered with a frown. “Look... all Trixie is trying to say is that if we stuck closer to the fenced wheatfields to the north—we'd blend in more with the local shrubbery!”
“A little late for throwing her that suggestion, don't you think?” Flash wheezed.
“Trixie was too busy trying to prove a point!”
“Yeah? And what point was that?”
“... … …”
“Take your time!” Flash sweated and trotted. “I'm not going anywhere—except everywhere.”
“This whole thing is still stupid,” Trixie grumbled, trying to maintain balance atop his spine. “And even with your slight alteration, it's still half-stupid.”
“Jee, thanks.”
“I swear—the only reason Sunset's going through with this is because she has an ego to maintain! And this is her way of proving it!”
“Y'know, for all the egotistical ammunition you have for firing at Sunset's decision-making, you at least have to respect the fact that she's trying her darnedest to take care of everyone who hopped off that cruise ship!” Flash grunted and strained as he pulled the two of them over a rising mound of earth. Ahead of them—they could faintly see the bush belonging to Bulk Biceps and Derpy Hooves. The distance was growing wider with each obstacle they encountered. “No, Sunset isn't perfect, but she's doing a whole lot more than either you or I have since this whole crazy debacle began! Would it really kill either of us to show her some support?!”
“Well, there's no needing to convince Trixie precisely where you lie.”
“Ugh...” Flash rolled his eyes. “Please... not again with this—”
“If you wanted to be on board with your girlfriend's plan so badly, why didn't you volunteer to share the bush with her?!?”
Flash Sentry skidded to a stop.
Trixie jerked in place atop of him. Blinking, she squinted confusedly down at her “mount.” “What is the meaning of this?!” Trixie rasped. “Haven't we lost enough ground as it is?”
“I want you to promise...” Flash gritted his teeth, frowning into the sweat-drenched soil beneath them. “...to stop calling her my 'girlfriend.'”
“Oh, hop out of the closet already, sad-sack.” Trixie blinked at herself, then tapped her chin in thought. “Or would that count as 'hopping back into the closet...?'”
“I mean it!” Flash grumbled. “I'm not gonna stand for it anymore!” Flash growled. “How many times am I going to have to just roll over and let you get away with this stupid horse hockey?!”
“Hah!” Trixie belched. “'Horse hockey!' You made a funny—”
“Don't try steering this conversation elsewhere! Look at me!” Flash looked up at her, brow furrowed in righteous fury. “This is as serious as I'm ever going to put it. Drop the 'she's your girlfriend' crap or you can trot the rest of this journey on your own!'”
“Sad-sack...”
“And... a-and I hate to put it to such an extreme, but you're really leaving me no choice!”
“Sad-sack... … ...”
“Believe it or not, I care about you, Miss Lulamoon! And—let's face it—if I'm not going to be your trot buddy, who in the heck else is gonna frickin' volunteer for it—?!”
“Sad-sack!”
“Stop! Calling! Me! Sad-sack!” he hollered.
She grasped his head with one hoof and forced him to look eastward. “Look!”
“... … ...” Flash's muzzle dropped. His wide eyes blinked through a curtain of sweat, darting north and south.
There was no sign of the rest of the scouting party.
“I... I-I don't see anything...!” he wheezed.
“That's just because you lost the rest of our team!” Trixie's voice cracked. “Why on earth did you choose to stop and yell at Trixie all of a sudden?”
“Uhhhhhhhh...” Flash's legs shook, wobbled, then finally—WHUMP! He and Trixie collapsed to the earth like broken christmas ornaments. The branches of the bush scattered all around their exposed pony bodies as they lay breathless and alone. “Uhm...” He smiled crookedly, a blush spreading through his muzzle. “...whoops?”
“Hmmmf!” Trixie turned her nose to the sun. “Way to go, sad-sack!”
In a cold sweat, he resumed pacing back and forth atop a hilltop in the center of Equestria. The remains of an improvised bush lay in splintered fragments beneath his hooves. The valley of the fantastical landscape appeared damnably the same in all directions the young stallion looked.
“Okay... … ...”
“Will you please stop it?!?” Trixie grumbled, leaning against a tree. “You're starting to sound like her.”
“Just...” Flash stumbled to a stop, close to hyperventilating. “...nobody panic!”
“Who's panicking?! Trixie is not panicking!” The mare examined her hoof, frowning into her blue fuzz. “Trixie is just mad.”
“They... she... everyone...” Flash's voice cracked as he gestured towards the horizon that they were originally chasing. “They were right in front of us! And I-I lost them! How c-could I have lost them...?!”
“Beats Trixie,” his trotting buddy droned. “All you had to do was go east!” She shrugged melodramatically. “How blasted difficult is that?!”
Flash slumped to his rear haunches, ears drooping. “... … ...pretty effing hard, apparently.”
“Well, we had a stupid plan on top of a stupider plan and even that prove too hard to follow through with!” Trixie tossed her mane. “Guess we're on our own now.”
“I just...” Flash ran a hoof over his brow, still sweating. “I j-just don't know what to do...!”
“Isn't it obvious?” Trixie shrugged. “We wait here!”
“Wait here?!?” Flash whimpered, grimacing in her direction. “But... a-at the rate at which the rest of the scouting group was moving—they'll have made it to Ponyville by now! They're leagues ahead of us at this point!”
“Which means they're in the company of Princess Twilight and they're in a better position to come back and find us!” Trixie tilted her nose up. “Honestly, sad-sack. You really should learn to remain cool under pressure!”
Flash merely bit his lip, looking at every horizon surrounding them.
“... … ...” Trixie silently raised an eyebrow. “You're not going to come down on Trixie for calling you sad-sack?”
“Trixie, not now. This... this is bad. I mean really really bad...” Flash was practically collapsed onto the grass by now. He trembled all over. “I... I messed up. I m-messed up super bad and now we're in danger...” He winced, looking at Trixie with glossy eyes. “You're in danger. And it's all my fault. I lost track of the rest of the group... and we're alone now all because of my stupidity.”
“Yes. Yes, we are.” Trixie folded her forelimbs. “Now—if Trixie had led the way this entire time, then maybe we'd be better off!”
Flash shuddered. He held his head in his hooves and remained icy-still... limbs locked.
Trixie fidgeted noticeably. When the stallion said nothing, she leaned her head forward... then forward some more. She was clearly within eyeshot of Flash, but there was no reaction.
“Aren't you going to argue that it was Trixie's fault too?” she murmured.
“Just... just...” Flash sniffled, his wings extending outward and covering his face. “Trixie, please. I'm sorry but—” A shuddering breath. “I need a moment.”
Trixie blinked hard. Her eyes darted left and right—as if it was her time to experience a cold sweat. She trotted lightly around the grounded stallion, pausing every now and then to tug at her mane.
“Okay... okay...” Flash took several deep breaths. “All might not be lost. Just... just gotta get control of the situation. Own up to the fact that it's just the two of us out here right now and... worry about owing up to my mistakes later.”
“Mmmmm... if Miss Shimmer were here,” Trixie muttered. “She'd no doubt find a reason to yell at Trixie...”
Flash ignored her. “Are... are we sure that staying here would be the right thing to do?” He stood up, eyes drying as he steeled his body into observing the environment around them. “Maybe... maybe we should go and ask for some help.”
“Ask for some help?” Trixie squinted. “From who?”
He pointed at a distant wheatfield. “From one of the farmhouses. I mean... if Equestria is anything like Sunset has described it, then this place is a lot more Canada and a lot less Florida. Somepony's bound to be nice enough to greet us and point the way to Ponyville!”
“But... doesn't that defeat the whole point of why we're doing this all stealth-like?” Trixie blinked. “What if we run into our doppelgangers?”
“At a farmhouse?” Flash squinted. “Really?”
“It can happen!”
“I figured the pony versions of ourselves would be like... equine extensions of us!” Flash shrugged. “Why the hay would either of us be working or living at a farm?”
“They're horses,” Trixie spat. “Farming is everything.”
“Then how come everypony doesn't just live in a farm?!”
“Maybe they do! For all we know, all of Equestria is just one gigantic Iowa!”
“Trixie—”
“Or Idaho! With dragons!”
“I'd say that—mathematically—the odds are very very slim that we'll run into ourselves. And—besides—even if we do... what's the true risk?!?” Flash shrugged. “Does dimension-hopping really work by Back to the Future pt II rules?! We're not gonna collapse the entire multiverse of space and time as we know it!”
“Trixie may not know much about real life magic,” she muttered. “But when it comes to a stage act—one wrong move and your entire performance falls flat.” She exhaled. “I'd hate the same thing to happen here! In Equestria!”
Silence.
Flash blinked. “How in the heck does that analogy actually work?”
“Trixie doesn't know!!!” The mare tossed her hooves. “What do you think we should do?!?”
Flash closed his eyes and took a calm breath. “Y'know... I hate to say it... but at moments like this—the only thing that relaxes me is a good family film.”
“Okay... … …?”
“Remember Frozen 2? Remember Princess Anna in the cave towards the end?” Flash reopened his eyes, gazing eastward into the wind with grit and determination. “Sometimes what you have to do is... make the choice... to hear that voice... and do the next right thing.”
“Disney is an evil corporation that violently manufactured the myth of lemmings being suicidal in a fabricated 1958 nature documentary,” Trixie stated.
“... … … yeah, fair point.” Flash slumped back to the ground. “Let's go with your idea. Let's stay here and do nothing.”
“Agreed.”
The air was quiet, save for the rustling of leaves in the nearby trees. On the lower lengths of valley all around them, the tall grass swayed in emerald waves. Moving clouds allowed for a dance of shadows across the fertile plain. The longer they both stayed out in the open, the better their eyes adjusted to the brilliance of it all, and they could make out the distinct shapes of buildings and castles propped up on the mountaintops towards the northeast.
“Have to admit...” Flash exhaled slowly, summoning the tiniest of smiles. “...of all the places to be lost and in despair—this is about as pretty as it gets.”
“Mrmffff...” Trixie flicked at a few blades of grass beneath her. “...Trixie supposes.”
Flash looked at her. He sat up, clearing his voice. “Don't worry, Trixie. Your idea is a smart one. Sunset and the others—they're bound to figure out that something's wrong. They'll come back for us.”
“No doubt they'll all wanna chew me out a new one,” Trixie muttered.
Flash blinked at her. “Don't you mean chew 'us' out?”
“Mrmmfff...” Trixie blew out her nostrils. “I suppose.”
“... … ...” Flash gazed at her. “Are you doing okay?”
“No better or worse than usual.”
“Remember—we're trot buddies.” Flash bore a friendly smirk. “I mean—you may not have many reasons to trust me after I've screwed up so much, but you can still talk to me if you're feeling down—”
“Why aren't you mad at me?” Trixie looked up at him, brow furrowed like a sword hilt. “You must really have a problem with being angry.”
“Huh?”
“Anybody else would be yelling at me by now. Or ignoring me.” She shook her head slowly. “It just doesn't make sense...”
“... … ...neither does referring to oneself in the third person in normal conversation,” Flash said. “But then there's you...” He arched an eyebrow. “Until now.”
She jolted slightly, avoiding his gaze.
“Trixie...?” He cocked his head to the side. “Do...—is there reason you'd want me to be angry and yell at you—?”
“Oh! What's this?” Trixie hopped up to her hooves with a bright grin. “Trixie thinks she hears someone!”
Flash did a double-take. “What...?”
“Just now! A rustle in the bushes!” Trixie turned to waved towards a mound of shrubbery. “Over here! Trixie hears you!”
“Trixie...” Flash stood up.
“Yoohooo! Sad-sack and Grreat and Powerrful magician! Waiting to be rescued!”
Flash trotted over and stood in her face. “Trixie...” His eyes were full of concern. “Answer me. Please...” His ears folded back. “...what's going on?”
Trixie's smile was a fractured thing, but she hung onto it. “Trixie swears she heard a rescue party just now.”
“That's not what I asked you.”
A sniffle, and Trixie's eyes moistened. “Trixie knows...”
Flash opened his muzzle to say something.
But the mare brushed past him. “There! I see movement!”
“Movement??”
“In the soil! Look!” Trixie pointed at a mound of earth that was ripping loose from underneath. The consistent sound of burrowing could be heard—accompanied by a low tremor that made the two teenagers' legs wobble. “Hah! Decided to have Bulk Biceps dig a way to glory, huh?”
“Uhhhhhh... Trixie...?”
Just then, a hole popped open in the loose soil. The air smelled of wet dog—just as a dirty canine face emerged. Thin green eyeslits narrowed on the shapes of Trixie and Flash.
“Hrshhhhhhhhh!” The creature vocalized, pulling itself slowly out of the hole with strong biceps. “Fresssssssssh... losssssssst... poniessssssssssssss...”
“Augh!” Trixie flew into Flash, hoof-kicking ineffectually at the distant sight of the sapient monstrosity. “Trixie doesn't like! Trixie doesn't like! Trixie doesn't liiiiiiike!”
“Calm down, Trixx! For crying out loud!” Flash cleared his throat and stared the creature firmly down. “Thanks—but no thanks, stranger. We're... uhhhh... not lost! Not in the least!”
“Of courssssssse not!” The dog-thing hopped out onto the topsoil, standing twice the height of both teens. “You are found! And property!” He then glanced behind the two, nodding. “Ssssick 'em, muttssssss!”
“Huh?” Flash blinked—then felt the massive paws of two other creatures bearing down on his and Trixie's withers from behind. “... … ...oboy.”
… … … Trixie and Flash Sentry sat on their haunches—flanked by two large bipedal canines in rusted armor—while a slightly smaller creature paced in front of them, pontificating with paw'd gestures in the flickering torchlight.
“...and with pony ssssociety taking on itssssss latessssst turn, the Diamond Dogssss have decided that we mussssst blend in ssssssomehow! Thisssss isssss no longer Equessssstria for poniessssss. But Equessssstria for all creaturesssssss! And what better way to capitalize than to ssssstake our claim in a brand new worldwide economy?!?”
Trixie blinked. She leaned in towards Flash. “What in the hay are we witnessing right now?”
“I dunno.” Flash shrugged, eyes stuck on the lecturing mutt. “I think we're stuck in a Metal Gear cutscene...”
Trixie eyed the armored creatures standing near them. “How can you be so casual about all this?”
“I don't know...” Flash bit his lip. “Somehow... there's something strangely... … … familiar about this situation...”
“You've been kidnapped by a bunch of underground furries in a horse kingdom before?”
“God only knows. Maybe it's something Freudian...”
“Hey!” a particularly short dog-creature jumped in front of the two teenagers and shook a fist. “Quiet when Rover issss talking!”
“Uhhhhhhhh—yeah!” Nodded a frighteningly tall, muscular beast. His voice belonged to a husky, cartoonish adaptation of Mice and Men. “Quiet when Rover isssss talking!”
Flash and Trixie looked ahead, fixing their eyes on the tall, green-eyed “Rover” in question.
“Ah-ahem...” Rover resumed pacing. “...ssssso, we've been down thisssss road before! And we've been burned by a few misssstakessss along the way! Once, we thought we could make profit by having poniesssss fetch us gemssss! But that turned out to be very... noisssssy and annoying...”
The other mutts in the room shook visibly.
Flash and Trixie exchanged confused glances.
Rover continued: “Well, we certainly won't be making that misssstake again! Besssssidesssss... poniessss have plenty of gemssss already! We won't make a paw-hold in the new world economy by jusssssst dealing in diamondsssss and rubiesss and ssssapphiresssss...” He shook his leafy head. “No no no...!”
“Pardon me, mister dog person... thingy...” Trixie raised her hoof and spoke up, making Flash wince. “...but exactly where do we come into this picture?” A nervous smile. “It may not quite look it—but—eheheh... we're not exactly from around here!”
“If thissss wassss yearssss ago, I would have assssked you to to help ussss with gemssss!” Rover marched across the room towards a pile of rubbish. “But now, we know better! We're going to usssse you poniesssss for our junk!”
“Eaaaa-aaaaaa-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaughhh!” Trixie flailed and hoof-kicked at the cave ceiling in sheer horror—
“See?!?!” Rover spun around, holding a bent-up unicycle and smiling with yellow teeth. “Junk! Trinketssssss! Nick-knacksssss a'plenty!” He gestured towards the pile, and in the dim torchlight both Trixie and Flash could make out miscellaneous items that belonged at a landfill: washing machines, typewriters, baseball bats—most of them rusty and decrepit as if they had been pulled out of a deep, deep ravine. “For all their talk of environmentalissssm and living off the land, poniessss are real keen to jusssst tossss anything and everything away!” He pumped a clenched paw. “That'sssss where the diamond dogsssss come in.” His green eyes narrowed. “And by that, I mean where you come in.”
“What do you want us to do?” Flash asked, taking the time to pat the shoulder of a slightly-calmer Trixie.
“It'sssss sssssimple!” Rover grinned once more. “Sssssince you were sssso generousss to have sssstumbled into our presssssence, we will be... erm... employing you to fetch us more of thessssse pricelesssss pony possssssesssssionssss from throughout the underground!” He gestured. “Sssssome are buried here... otherssss are buried there...” He barked off to the side, shrugging. “You get the picture...”
“And since we'll be 'employed,'” Flash glanced at the armored dogs on either side of them. “...what will be our payment?”
“Not being eaten and your bonessss used as pupsssss' chewtoyssss!”
Trixie gulped.
“That's... uh...” Flash smiled nervously. “...pretty good payment!”
“We dogssss are good at digging!” Rover leaned back and flexed his biceps. “In fact, we are expertsssssss at digging!”
The room full of canine bullies barked and woofed with enthusiasm.
“Butttttt... not sssssso good at appraising pony junk.” Rover made a sad face, but swiftly turned it into a grin as he pointed a claw at the two teenagers. “That'ssss where you come in!” He aimed his claw at Trixie in particular. “Essssspecially you!”
“Moi?” Trixie held a hoof over her chest. “But why Trixie?”
“The horn!” Rover gestured. “It'ssss a beacon for finding jewelssss! Sssssurely it can be ussssed for finding pony junk as well!”
“But...” Trixie's eyes squinted. “...didn't you say that you've been down this road before? With ponies being forced to do labor?”
“Yesssss! We forcccced them to find gemssss!” Rover smiled. “But thisssss issss different! Now we're going for trinketsssss!”
“Oh...” Trixie's eyebrows flattened as she droned. “...that makes perfect sense.”
“Ha HA!” Rover grinned at the small-and-big dog to his side. “I told you thisssss would work!”
“Yessss! Way to go, Rover!”
“Woof!”
“Ssssssssso...” Rover looked at the two again. “....ssssshe finds the junk. Feather pony will dig for the junk. We get more trinketssss and we ssssssell them to the Equesssstrian pawn circuit!” He posed proudly. “The Diamond Dogssss will then stake their claim amidsssst thissssss busssstling new creature economy!”
“But... like...” Flash shrugged. “...won't that come back to bite you once the other business people in Equestria figure out that you're secretly employing slave labor?”
Rover blinked. “We don't undersssstand.” A shrug. “What'ssss the problem?”
Trixie leaned in to Flash. “I wouldn't bother trying to talk sense into them. These creatures have the economic scope of a tubeworm.”
Flash exhaled through his nostrils. “Reminds me of home, actually...”
“Sssssssssssso...” Rover gestured at the two teenagers. “What are you waiting for?”
“I don't know!” Trixie folded her forelimbs and upturned her nose. “What are we waiting for?”
Less than an hour later...
“You just had to open your muzzle, didn't you?” Flash sweated and huffed, digging into a wall of dirt and pebbles under faint torchlight.
“Less talking and more digging,” Trixie muttered, standing behind him with a glowing horn. A few meters behind her, dog guards marched on patrol, eyeing them while gripping sharp spears. “Besides, I don't remember you helping much with the situation!”
“Think you can help me out here?!?” Flash wheezed, burrowing as quickly into the wall as he could. “Like—lend a hoof or something. The sooner we find some junk, maybe they'll let us rest...”
“Trixie is helping!” Trixie pointed at her horn. “The talkative one was right! Trixie can sense things with her horn! There should be something buried about a yard up ahead of you!”
“Wow, you adapted super quick...” Flash smirked bitterly, continuing to dig and burrow. “Stockholm Syndrome, much?”
“Don't be dense! Trixie wants to get out of here as much as sad-sack does! But the more we play by their expectations, the less likely we will be gutted to death!”
“Not if we die of exhaustion first...” Flash sweated and ached.
“Don't dramatize.” Trixie frowned. “And put your wings into it!”
“Are you kidding me?!? A pegasus' wings have got to be the most delicate part of a pony's—” Flash swung an errant wing at the dirt in front of him—and was surprised to see how much dirt he scooped up with the feathers in a single blink. “...well, I'll be.”
“See! Trixie is a genius!”
“Yeah?” Flash dug faster now that he was employing his wing muscles. “More like an enabler.”
“You'll thank me later once we've gathered a bounty for these numskulls.”
“What exactly are you planning?”
“Just have faith in Trixie.”
“Yeah, as if that has panned out so well in the past,” Flash grunted. “Miss 'we should just stay put here.'”
Trixie had no reply to that. She merely bit her lip as her horn dimmed.
Flash noticed it. “Hey... hey!” He whistled, motioning at the dirt wall he was digging into. “More glowy, please...”
“Ahem... yes...” Trixie nodded. “Trixie is sorry.”
Flash resumed digging. “About what?”
“... … ...”
Flash's ears folded back. It felt terribly unnatural for Trixie to go silent—much less turn melancholic. “Y'know... none of this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't messed up and lost the other members of our scouting party.”
“Mmmm...”
“... … ...so, in a way, you can say that this is all my fault.”
“Mmmmhmmmm...”
Flash glanced briefly over his shoulder. “Don't you want to chew me a new one for screwing up so badly?”
“Mmmmm-no. Trixie doesn't...”
Flash breathed steadily while working. “You seem to like it the other way around.”
Trixie's eyes darted towards him. “Huh?”
“Up above. Before we got captured. You seemed... upset when I was no longer upset with you.”
“Meh.”
“Don't 'meh' me.” Flash sweated and dug. “What's up with that?”
“Now's not the time to psychoanalyze Trixie.”
“Is that what we're doing?” Flash dug and dug. “I didn't think I was hitting it on the nose that easily! Unless...” He glanced back once more. “It is that easy. And somehow... someway... I struck a nerve that most ponies—er... people don't usually strike when they're around you.”
“... … ...”
“What's to lose in talking about it?”
“Sad-sack...” Trixie fidgeted, looking down. “...isn't like most people.”
“Yeah?” Flash blinked. “And what's that supposed to mean?”
Heavy paw-steps.
The duo flinched.
Rover returned to the scene, followed by the big mutt and the large mutt. “Well! What have the poniessss found sssso far?” He cracked his knuckles. “And don't ssssssay 'nothing,' becaussssse that would not pan out well for the poniesssss...”
“Well... erm...” Trixie delicately cleared her throat. “To be perfectly honest with you, Mr. Doggo, we've not exactly—”
“Shazam!” Flash yanked a rusty object out from the earth. He held it victoriously in his wingtips and blew the dust off the ribbed surface. “Hah! Trixie's horn was right on the money!”
Trixie blinked. “It was?” her voice cracked.
Rover stepped forward, holding a paw out. “Let us see!”
Flash handed him the object.
The dogs all leaned in as Rover held it.
“Ooooh!”
“Wowwwww!”
“What is it???”
“Ahem...” Flash cleared his throat. “I do believe it's an ancient pony device... something that you dogs wouldn't be able to comprehend.” His eyes narrowed. “Something called a 'washboard.'”
“Woof...” Rover gazed at the pegasus with a gaping expression. “Do you think it will have value in the Equesssstrian pawn circuit?”
“Eh...” Flash shrugged. “Maybe it'll fetch you a few... … ...bones?”
“Ooooh! Bones!”
“Bones!”
“Fido likes bones!”
“Well!” Rover pocketed the item and stood tall and proud. “This success means only one thing!”
Trixie's ears perked up. “We get snack time?”
Rover's teeth showed as he pointed. “Keep. Digging.”
“Unf!” Flash Sentry collapsed onto his belly in the corner of a dead-end cavern filled with piles of junk. “Myuuuuuuuu...”
Slam! A rusted metal gate closed, sealing the two teenagers inside a barred cell. Canine guards on the other side snorted and made faces.
“Gather your energy, poniesssssss!” Rover huffed, smirking proudly to himself. “The dig continuessss tonight! Yessss! Yesssssssssss! More goodsssss for trade!!!”
“You said it, Rover!”
“Clever thinking, Rover!”
“Woof!”
Trixie exhaled, blowing a tuft of pale mane hair out from her face. Considerably less bruised and dirtied than her male trot buddy, she nonetheless shuffled over to Flash's side. “Well, at least they're giving us some peace and quiet for a bit.” She leaned down and squinted at his figure. “How are you holding up?”
“My everything hurts,” Flash grunted.
“You shouldn't have been digging so hard.”
“What choice did I have?” Wheezing, he slowly crawled across the room on his stomach. “If I didn't fetch them things quickly enough, they'd have skewered us with their spears!”
“Well, you did good,” Trixie said. “You must have grabbed them an entire garage sale full of items.”
“Yeah... what exactly did this mound of earth used to be?” Flash finally pulled himself into a sitting position with his flank to a broken down refrigerator. “A horse flea market?”
“Shhhhhh!” Trixie whispered, nervously glancing through the bars behind her back. “Don't say the 'f'-word! I think it triggers them!”
“Then they can bitch about it on Tumblr.” Flash reached and reached down towards his lower half with his forelimbs. “Guh...!” He slumped back, shuddering.
Trixie blinked. “What is it?”
“I felt the urge to rub my toes,” Flash murmured, still trying to catch his breath. “But then I realized I didn't have them anymore.” He stretched his forelimb out as far as it would go and examined his lower half. “I wonder. How would I even...?” The teenager's words trailed off as he bit his lip.
“....?” Trixie cocked her head aside. “What?”
“Nothing,” Flash burped. “Y'know, I should be thanking you.”
“Me? Trixie?”
“It was your... erm...” He gestured at her unicorn brow. “...horniness that helped me find all the stuff buried away. If we didn't fetch such a quick bounty, we'd probably still be in those sweaty tunnels—doing god knows what.”
“Mmmm...” Trixie touched her horn—seemingly using the manual touch to turn the glow off. “I wish it didn't take such a toll on your feathers, though.”
“Yeah, well...” Flash bore a bittersweet smirk, glancing at the wings in question. “I wasn't planning on using them for much else anytime soon.”
“A pity.”
“A pity??”
Trixie was already nodding. “Trixie has enjoyed being able to use real magic for once in this world. I bet you would have enjoyed flying around if you could afford it.”
“I'm... not sure how that's even possible.” Flash looked at his body at length. “But then again, if bumblebees can somehow do it...”
“Speaking of which...” Trixie turned to face the junk pile.
“What?” Flash blinked tiredly in her direction. “Bumblebees—???”
Zaaaaaaaaaap!
Flash winced.
Trixie was firing several rounds of glowy magic into the pile of junk.
“Explode!” She seethed. “Explode!! Explode!!!”
“Hey!” Flash waved at her. “Quit it before you—”
The magic barrage ended, and half-a-dozen freshly-transmogrified teacups rattled to a stop.
“—...blow us all to kingdom come.” Flash blinked.
“Mehhhhhhhhhhh...” Trixie turned around and marched sadly towards the distant corner of the cell. “It's no use.”
“Trixie...”
“Unless we were having a magical prissy princess teaparty...” She turned around three times and plopped down with a sad cathorse face. “...Trixie is useless.”
“Don't say that! Besides...” Flash shrugged. “...what's so bad about princess tea parties?”
“Don't patronize Trixie,” the mare grunted. “You know what I mean.” She glared bitterly at the teacups. “I have the one edge that could possibly get us out of here. And it's a dull one.”
“Look, we're human-human people,” Flash emphasized. “Not horse-human people.” He shook his head. “We can't be expected to master all this crazy Equestrian stuff in a day! It's perfectly normal to not—”
“Trixie is not supposed to be normal!” she hissed at him like a house cat, then slumped back down with her sad chin against her forelimbs. “... … ...Trixie is supposed to be Great and Powerful.”
Flash cleared his throat. “Yeah well...” He brushed his mane back with a sigh. “I don't think talent show acts are gonna get us out of this mess, Trixie.”
“Don't I know it,” she muttered. “For once in my life, I've gotten control of real magic. And it's proven to be nothing but a thorn in my side.”
Flash merely squinted.
She didn't need his prompt to keep talking: “I've been a practicing stage magician all my life.” She looked up. “Did you know that?”
He shook his head.
“I learned it from my father,” she said. “How to pull off tricks. How to charm an audience. How to be deceitful—but without being harmful. And my father was an expert at it—at least with paid attendees. With his family, on the other hand...”
Flash blinked.
Trixie shook her head. “Anyways, that's not the point. The point is, I was enthralled from the very beginning to follow in his footsteps—on stage. Only... let's face it... I was never quite as good at it. Nothing ever came naturally to me. I had to force myself to learn all of the tools and tricks of the craft at once. And... people were not very patient with me. I got jeered a lot. Made fun of. Insulted. So—like a true performer—I learned how to adapt. My act became to patronize the crowd before the opening act even began. That way—when they jeered and hollered at me—they all felt like it was earned. And ultimately they would enjoy the act as a whole... even if the magic tricks didn't wow them.”
Her trot buddy was silent. Listening.
“But... the problem was... I-I put my everything into the act... to the point that I didn't make friends. I couldn't make friends. And when my mother and I settled someplace and home school stopped being a thing, I integrated myself into the world around me by... … ...pretending it was all an act. Which meant I treated everyone as if they were a potential heckler. I beat them to the punch... … ...and only then did I feel comfortable.”
The cell was silent.
Flash cleared his throat. “Is that why you were so surprised that I wasn't getting angry at you for a while there?”
“Trixie doesn't... … ...” She stirred. “...I don't know any other way to be accepted. It works for everyone else at the school, so why not with sad-sack...” She winced. “...why not with you?”
Flash shrugged. “Maybe you haven't been alone with any one person this long.”
“I was alone with Sunset for a while,” Trixie said. “When we had that crisis with Wimbleton Flush-Her-Name and the forget-me-rock.” A long, deflated sigh. “But then Miss Shimmer went back to her friends...” A bitter glare into the shadows. “...and Trixie went back to being Trixie.”
“Maintaining friends is a two-way street.” Flash scratched the back of his neck. “I doubt Sunset really meant to shut you out. She's busy, y'know. Got a lot on her plate—”
“Of course you of all boys would play devil's advocate for her.”
Flash sighed, hanging his head. “... … ...I'm sorry.”
Trixie gulped. “I know you are. I think... sometimes... you're the only person who is.”
He looked up at her.
She was gazing at the floor. “I wish I could say that I was sorry. Not just to others—but to myself.” She sadly shook her head. “It's too late, though. I applied myself to one thing and one thing only. Fake magic—just like the fake love of a father for his daughter.” Her nostrils flared. “Only fitting that I use plastic flowers for my act. Nothing real about it. I don't deserve more.”
“Oh Trix...” Flash shook his head. “Don't say that...”
“Why shouldn't I?” Trixie closed her eyes miserably, resting in the dirt. “I didn't need a magical portal to turn me into a horse. Trixie has been a one-trick pony all her life. It's only fitting that she be buried down here.”
Flash bit his lip.
“But not you...” She reopened her eyes, catching him by surprise. “You never asked to be a trot buddy... to be saddled with Trixie.” Her head shook slowly. “You don't deserve this fate, Flash Sentry. So—for what it's worth—Trixie will keep on fighting. For you.”
The stallion's lips pursed. He felt a strange numbness wash over him, cold and warm all at once. He avoided her gaze.
Trixie's eyes squinted. “... … ...why does Trixie get the feeling this is the first time you've heard anyone promise that?”
He jumped up to his hooves, pacing. Continuing to avoid her gaze. It was a good thing too, for he was finding it hard to see. His vision blurred, and he had to stop to wipe his eyes dry. He knew she was staring at him. He felt it... and it pierced him to the core. He shivered, pondering how to respond... afraid of any and all words that would come out...
...until he noticed something.
Something faint.
Like pale slivers dancing with a distant brilliance.
His eyes traveled the wall until he found the source... the source of a fragmented array of light.
There was a slight break in the wall along the southwest side of the cell—on their side of the bar. Flash trained his ear to it, and he heard the faint sound of birdsong and rushing wind—from an exposed area up above.
“Flash...?” Trixie murmured.
He sniffled, then faced her with a brave smirk. “Maybe neither of us will have to rely on just promises for long...”
“Look!” Flash Sentry pointed, directing Trixie's fuzzy face towards the brightly-lit slits in the dirt wall behind them. “Look closely and see?”
“Guh!” Trixie bristled, scuffling her hooves against the floor beneath her. “Stop! Shoving! Trixie!”
“I mean it! Peer into these holes and tell me what you see!”
“Mrmmff! Fine...” Trixie briefly huffed, then leaned in towards the slits with one eye open. She blinked several times. “... … ...what is Trixie looking for?”
“For crying out loud. Look upward through the holes, ya muppet!”
“Trixie is! She still doesn't know what—” Her muzzle hung agape. “... … ...I see blue skies.”
“Right?” Flash beamed. “In other words, a way out!”
“It seems a bit of a climb...”
“Good enough for me!” Flash ran towards the junk pile.
With a twirl of her white mane, Trixie turned to gawk at him. “What do you think you're doing?!”
“Fear not!” Flash tossed away pots, pans, waffle irons, wheel jacks. “I have a plan!”
Trixie blanched. “What kind of plan?”
“A brilliant one!” Flash picked up a huge rusted gatling gun in his hooves. “And that plan is to—” He did a double take. He stared at the quintuple-barreled weapon for three seconds... five...
Clackkk!
He tossed the thing back into the pile, reached in, and grabbed a sledge hammer.
“Right!” He turned to face Trixie, smiling again. “I have a plan! And that's to get us out of here!”
“But...!” Trixie scrunched down on all fours, shivering as she stared towards the barred cell door with flattened ears. “B-b-but what if they notice you trying to—”
“Rrrrrrrrrrgh!” Flash swung the hammer with all his hoofed might.
SMASSSSH!
The entire back wall of the cell gave way. A narrow crawlspace opened up, spilling over with bright sunlight.
“Too late!” Flash nodded up the inclined escape route. “Looks like gophers caused a miniature sinkhole! There's our way out!”
“But... it's so n-narrow!” Trixie stammered. “How can we both fit through?”
“... … ...” Flash took a deep breath. “There's your way out!”
“What?!?” Trixie's voice cracked.
From a distance...
...the barking of dogs echoed through the caverns...
...as if an underground fox hunt was underway.
“There's no time!” Flash urged her towards the package. “Go up and be free!”
“Trixie can't just leave you behind!!!”
“Yes you can! As long as one of us gets out, then that'll make all this worth it!”
“Sad sack, don't be a flippin' martyr—”
“Trixie, please...” Flash Sentry gazed at her with desperate eyes. “For once in my life, let me be useful for a change! So that way I'll know I've lived a good one!”
“... … ...” Trixie fidgeted. She looked at the cell bars... then back up at the lit passageway.
“Please!” Flash gestured. “They'll be here anytime soon! Just get up and get out! Run for safety!”
“Mrmmmffff...” Trixie slowly, pensively crawled through the hole he made. “Don't take this as if Trixie enjoys this situation any...”
“Don't worry about me.” Flash gestured at the bars behind them. “They're just mutts! What's the worse they could do?”
She glared at him from inside the hole. “It only took nineteen hijackers to make the whole world collapse in a single morning.”
“Silly magician.” He stuck his tongue out. “You know as well as I do that you gotta wait at least eighteen months before you're allowed to make such a comment.”
“What.”
“Head's up!” Flash swung his hammer high.
“Aaa-aackies!” Trixie floundered up the hole.
WHUD!!!
As the sledgehammer struck a second time, the exit to the escape tunnel collapsed completely. Slivers of light remained from fresh new slits in the wall. Dust poured through, but that didn't stop Flash from leaning up to the tiny holes and hissing through:
“Are you still in one piece, Trixx?!?”
“Kaff! Coff! Y-yes!... Pffft... Nincompoop!”
“You'd better run up while you can!” Flash shouted. “I suggest you head straight for the Everfree Forest! Wait there with the others and maybe Sunset will come back with Princess Twilight to find you!”
Trixie replied—
—but soon the underground chamber shook with the rush of canine paws. Flash spotted Trixie's shape scurrying up towards the sunlight. He spun around and faced the door just in time for—
Creeeeak!
Rover stepped in along with two guards. Keys dangled from his paw as his slitted eyes peered left and right, awash in dusty confusion.
“What in Tartarussss bisssscuitsssss?” He shrugged wildly. “Weren't there two of you poniessssss?”
“Uhhhhhhh...” Flash sweated, glancing left and right as he gripped the sledgehammer. “... … ...no?”
“I'm pretty ssssssure there wassssss two poniessss!” spoke a short runt from outside the cell where a dozen other dogs had gathered. “At leasssst lesssss than three!”
“Where did the other one go?!” Rover asked.
“I... uhhh...” Flash brightened. “I ate her!”
“... … ...you ate her.”
“Yeah...!”
“... … …she's inside your belly now?”
“Most of her. Well... some of her.” Flash tittered. “The rest I... uh... lost.”
Rover snorted, folding his hairy forelimbs. “Really... …. ….”
“Hey... uh...” Flash waggled his eyebrows. “Y'all like Triple H?”
“Triple what?”
“IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAAAAAAME!” And Flash flung the sledgehammer at full force like an old Apple Computer commercial.
Poor Rover took the flying bludgeon to the face. “FAPPO!” He fell hard on his dog butt.
“Rrrrrrrrrgh!” Flash galloped straight into the crowd. “...You ain't got nothing on this—!”
With one paw, a guard dog in armor hoisted him up by the neck and choke-slammed him hard to the ground.
“Oooof!” Flash Sentry rolled over a few times, pinballed off a wall, and grinded to a dusty stop—limbs twitching. “Darn it.”
“What we have here... issss failure to excavate!” Rover declared, pacing back and forth in the middle of a great subterranean hall.
Flash Sentry stood—more like he was forced to stand—in the middle of the chamber with guard dogs aiming spears at his bruised and dirtied figure. He watched wearily as Rover continued lecturing while marching back and forth in front of an antagonistic audience of sapient canines of all shapes and sizes.
“All we have asssssked for issss a humble digger!” Rover gestured in mid-stride. “Wasssss it for gemssss?”
“NO!” the crowd of mutts hollered as one.
“Wasssss it for blood?!?!”
“NO!!”
“Wasss it for any toolsss of dessstruction or evil incantationssss that could be ussssed to usssurp the power of our pony overlordssss?!?!”
“NO!!!”
“We are but humble entrepreneursss!” Rover said, his voice echoing to the stalactites above. “We only ssssseek to be on level with the horsssse merchantssss who have already gotten an unfair head ssssstart before ussss!” He then spun to point an accusatory paw at the stallion. “But sssssome creaturesssss ssssssimply don't see eye to eye with our dessssperate climb to the top! They would much rather maintain the unfair balance of power! They are dirty cheatersssss, ssssaboteursssss, and they sssssserve no one but our oppresssssors!”
“You tell 'em, Rover!” rasped a tiny mutt.
“Yeah!” An oppositely huge dog pumped both fists. “Down with the esssstablishment!”
“Woof!”
“Yeesh...” Flash Sentry teetered where he stood, wearily watching the scene. “Somebody fetch these schmucks a red flag with a hambone and sickle...”
“Thisssss foolissssssh sssstallion'ssss act of cowardicccce has forccced usssss back decadessss in our pursssuit of digging up valuable product for pawning!” Rover said. “Becausssse of him, we are down one digger—and now we'll have to go to the sssssurfaccce and find another pony to... uh... borrow!” Rover cleared his throat. “But that'ssss not why we're gathered here.”
“Why are we gathered here, Rover?”
“Bark!”
“For one reasssssson and one reasssson only...” Rover's slitted eyes seemingly flickered with vengeful resolve. “To punissssh thisssss maned misssscreant and make an example out of him for all who would attempt to oppossssse the diamond dogssss!”
Flash Sentry gulped.
“Ssssso how about it?!?” Rover raised his forelimbs to the ceiling as every mutt growled and bristled with bloodthirsty agreement. “Merccccccccy? Or punisssshment?!?!”
“Punissssssh!”
“Punissssssh!”
“Punissssssh!”
Flash felt the paws of the guards gripping him by his wings.
He gasped inwardly...
His legs trembled... …
Icily, Rover peered about until his narrow gaze fell on Flash. “Sssssssso be it...” He marched towards the stallion on threatening limbs. “...prepare yoursssssself, pony...” He crackled both sets of knuckles. “... … ...for the mosssssssst nausssseating torture we could conjure up for the likessss of you.”
Flash took a deep breath. “I...” He shuddered. “...am ready.”
Rover's jaws opened. His teeth glistened as his mouth brimmed with drool. A low hissing sound rose from his maw, increasing in tonality until: “Fido!” He hollered. “Bring out the stool!”
Flash blinked. “Stool?”
Dogs whooped, whistled, and hollered as the largest mutt in the room ran out of the chamber. Then—seconds later—he ran back in, holding a ridiculously small stepping stool in his grasp. It was slammed on the ground behind Flash—and with a shove from the guards the stallion was forced to squat on the small wooden thing.
Then...
In front of Flash, one of the smallest dogs in the room walked up with a small table and a plate of what looked liked turkey legs and chopped beef.
Flash's eyes narrowed.
“Now... my little ponyyyyyyy...” Rover sneered with utter menace and sadistic aplomb. “Watch clossssely!” He gestured to the armored canines. “Guardssss! Make ssssure hisssss head doesss not turn away!”
“Uhhhhh...” Flash began, but he was nevertheless “forced” to sit on the stool and “watch.”
“That'sssss it!” Rover gestured as the small dog sat at the table with the food. “Watch!! Mwahahahahaha!”
The room filled with howls and jeers.
The tiny-tiny dog chewed liberally on the meat. His eyes remained fully-locked onto Flash's as he took extra time and care at tearing the bird muscle from bone and swallowing raw chunks of protein. His eyes burned aflame with nefarious purpose.
“... … …?” Flash arched an eyebrow, sitting awkwardly across the dining dog. “What... wh-what am I looking for?” he muttered.
“SSSSHIVERRRRR WITH TERRRRORRRR!” Rover was already bellowing with dramatic paw gestures. “ASSSSS HE EATSSSS RAW MEAT BEFORE YOUR EYESSS!” He hissed and bristled. “DOESSSS IT NOT FILL YOU WITH HORRORRRR?!?! DO YOU NOT FEEL THE URGE TO VOMIT, LITTLE PONY?!?!”
“Huh?” Flash blinked again. “I don't...” Then his ears flicked knowingly, and he relaxed against the grip of the guards on his shoulders. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cuz I'm a horse...”
The tiny dog burped, his muzzle covered in flecks of beef. “Uhhhhh... Rover?” He glanced up at the leader. “I don't think it's working?”
“But how can that be?!?” Rover rasped, his slitted eyes widening in disbelief. “He's a pony! They hate this kind of stuff!”
“Gotta admit... looks pretty scrumptious,” Flash said with a slight chuckle. “Especially those turkey legs. Reminds me of the stuff they serve at Magic Kingdom.”
The dogs watching this event stirred with apprehension.
Rover pointed angrily. “You LIE!!!”
The entire cavern echoed with a gurgling noise.
Flash covered his belly with a blush. “S-sorry. Can't help it. Been ages since I had a good meal.” He licked his lips. “What I wouldn't do for a nice steak right about now.”
The whole audience silenced, drooling and whimpering.
“Y-you...” The largest mutt gawked at Flash. “...have t-tasted of the ambrosia known as 'steak?'”
Flash took a moment to squint at Rover and the rest of his gang. “... … ...you guys really are just TV-Y7 villains, aren't you?”
But before any of them could respond—
KAPOWWWWWWWW!!!
A huge hole exploded in the north wall of the cavern.
“Woof!”
“Bark!”
“Yiff!”
Everyone flinched—including Flash.
But as the dust cleared, everyone could see a huge throng of equines standing at the freshly-made entrance. And at the very head of the group was none other than—
“Trixie Lulamoon!!!” The showmare hollered bombastically. She stood tall and proud with her snow-white mane billowing in some magical wind. “Look upon your vanquisher, fire hydrant humpers, and despair!!!”
“Trixie!!!” Flash beamed from the stool. He shuddered ecstatically from within the grip of the armored dogs. “Cheese and crackers, girl! Play of the game!”
“Unhand the sad-sack you insidious carpet smearers!” Trixie said, pointing an offensive hoof.
“Ahem...” Sunset Shimmer stepped up, flanked by Rainbow Dash and Applejack. The rest of the scouting party were there entirely. “You've already done your part by bringing us down here.” It was her turn to glare down at the mass of quivering dogs. “Now... Diamond Dogs... we're simply here to bring our boy back up to sea level. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but we won't take 'no' for an answer.”
“Hah!” Rover shook a defiant paw while a dozen dogs beside him raised spears and maces. “Like we could ever be intimidated by the likesssss of you prisssssy poniesss!”
Sunset Shimmer and Fluttershy exchanged glances. The latter of the two delicately cleared her throat: “Bulk Biceps?”
“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Behold, a pale horse. And he threw his muscular self down from the hole and barreled mercilessly into the crowd of canines.
Rover and his two best buds jumped and hugged each other—shrieking.
THUD!
TH-THUD!!
SLAM!!!
The cavern became an echo chamber of meaty onomatopoeia. Bodies flew high and low, ricocheting off crumbling stalactites and splattening comically across cave walls. The remaining dogs scattered every which way, shrieking and howling in panic with their tails between their legs.
“Yes! YESSSS!” Trixie pumped both forelimbs. “Rip and tear!”
“Simmer down, sally,” Applejack said.
“Yes.” Twilight Sparkle nodded, adjusting her glasses. “At least wait for the DLC.”
“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!” Bulk Biceps headbutted half-a-dozen dogs with one skull-splitting lunge and kicked another group of them into next year. By the time he was done rampaging, ninety percent of the subterranean population had fled into the lower tunnels—their high-pitched yips growing more and more faint. Soon, the overtly-muscular behemoth stood in place, snorting and flexing his forelimbs. “DO YOUR TAXES!!!”
As for Rover and two of his best buds...
...the group had cowered in the center of the chamber. They squatted low, covering their scalps with trembling paws.
“Mercccccccy! Merccccccccccy!” Green eyeslits peered up at Sunset's group as they trotted down into the main hall. “Pleassssssse! You can have him! He'sssss jusssst a dumb horssssie!”
“That he is...” Sunset nodded, smirking. “But we love him all the same.” She pointed at Trixie. “You're lucky she didn't go galloping straight to the Dragon Kingdom..” Her eyes narrowed. “Equestria—from whom you're keen to kidnap so many citizens—has made friends in high places, after all.”
“Not that you'd know anything about 'high places,'” Rainbow Dash's voice cracked. “You dudes are as low as it gets!”
“Well said, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity remarked.
With a sharp gasp, Rover and the others gawked at Rarity. “L-Lady Rarity...!”
Rarity raised a dainty forelimb, squinting down at the bunch. “Ehhh? Do I know you?”
“We had no idea thessssse two sssapssss were friendssss of yoursss!” Rover said, pointing at Flash then at Trixie then at Flash again. “We would n-never have double-crosssssed you again on purpossse!”
“Yessss, Rarity! We're ssssorry for our transssgresssssion!”
“Pleassssse don't punissssh ussss with your whining voicccce!”
“Woof!”
“I... see...” Rarity leaned in towards Sunset. “I take it there's history...?”
“It's a long story,” Sunset droned. “A bare hoofnote in the memoirs of the Princess.”
“Very well then...” Rarity trotted forward, her nose tilted haughtily upward. “Thou shalt commit forthwith to never kidnapping ponies ever again!” She waved a hoof. “No matter what the intent or pursuit! It simply isn't proper!”
“Never again!”
“Never again!”
“We promisssse, Lady Rarity!”
“Pleasssse! Take your ssssstallion and go!”
Flash was already standing up from the stool—
—when he felt a massive pair of forelimbs hugging him from behind.
“Ohhhhhhhhhh!” Bulk Biceps' voice rumbled through the stallion's dangling body. “We were so... so worried about you!”
Lyra Heartstrings trotted down from the crowd. “We heard you did some stupid, brave things.”
Derpy Hooves leaned in. “Did they torture you terribly?”
“No. I'm fine, everyone...” Flash drifted out of Bulk's hug with a dumb smile on his face. “Especially now...” His eyes trailed up to a certain showmare's.
Trixie gazed down at him from a lofty ledge, smirking. “Well well well...” She arched an eyebrow. “Did you honestly think the Grrreat and Powerrrrful Trrrrixie would just high-tail it to the hills when her very own trot buddy was in mortal danger?”
“More like saturday morning cartoon kid's peril...” Flash winked. “But I couldn't be gladder that you're here.”
“Hmmf!” Trixie tossed her mane. “That's a first!”
Sunset Shimmer stepped in. “We were running circles on the surface, searching for the two of you after our groups got separated. A few hours in—we saw Trixie galloping every-which-way, shouting her head off about how her 'best friend' just got dog-nabbed.”
“Oh please...” Trixie glared off into the distance, her blue cheeks taking on a rosy tint. “It wasn't that dramatic.”
“Don't be so silly, darling.” Rarity winked. “Sometimes extreme theatrics are the best way to attract attention.”
“Well, we caught wind of her in no time!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “And the first thing out of her muzzle was that you both were in trouble and you had set her free!”
“Sunset caught on about the whole Diamond Dog business,” Applejack said. “Which led us here.”
“And the rest—” Pinkie Pie leapt up. “—is hysterical! Heeheehee!”
“I... uh...” Flash shrugged. “I really just wanted Trixie to be free of this mess. That's all. I didn't honestly expect a rescue party.”
“Yes. It was charmingly brash and short-sighted of you.” Sunset Shimmer trotted past him with a lingering glare. “We'll talk about it later.”
He gulped.
“Alright, everypony!” Sunset Shimmer hollered to the group. “The dog show is over! Get back with your trot buddy! After a quick count—it's back to the surface and onward to Ponyville!”
Trixie and Flash obeyed—trotting towards each other.
“Y'know...” Trixie turned her nose up. “I'd say that we were even, but... let's face it. This whole scene takes the cake. You owe Trixie.”
“Uh huh.”
“And—for the record—Trixie was not shouting her head off.” Trixie hid her face, brushing her mane back. “And she most definitely was not a goofy, sobbing mess when Sunset and the others found her...”
“Uh huh.”
“And when all of this is said and done, sad-sack is still a total selfish loser for forcing Trixie to escape from the prison cell without going with her.”
The first thing to kiss sunlight was Flash Sentry's squinting eyes... followed by his smiling muzzle.
"Ahhhhhhhhh yeah..." The teenager-turned-stallion took a long, handsome breath as he took in the blue skies and the pristine hillsides rolling in every direction. "Shawshank Redemption has nothing on this."
"Shawshank what?" Lyra Heartstrings asked, trotting out a dirt hole along with the others.
Flash glared briefly at her. "Be older."
"Unf! Trixie is certainly glad to be out of that festering den of mutts!" declared the showmare.
"Yeah!" Rainbow Dash flew into a lofty position as soon as she could, taking a survey of the immediate landscape as the rest of her friends emerged. "You hated it so much that you went back down there a second time!"
"Grrrrr...!" Trixie shook a hoof. "That was just to save our friend from those greedy flea bags, you selfish port-a-potty headed--"
"Whoah whoah whoah! Settle down, girl!" Rainbow swiped some visible sweat from her brow. "I was actually trying to compliment you! Sheesh!"
"Coming back here was very brave, Trixie," Fluttershy said. "I-I don't know if even I'd have the courage to do it."
"Well, we had Bulk Biceps with Trixie this time," Trixie said.
"Oki doki loki!" Pinkie Pie bounced-bounced-bounced towards the nearest mound of earth and peered at every horizon. "Which way to Castle-Town?"
"Hold up there, Pinkie...!" Sunset Shimmer trotted to her side. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves."
"We just got in and out of a scrape with dirt dogs!" Applejack exclaimed. "What worse can this magical pony land throw at us?"
"It doesn't help to be hasty," Sunset declared. "Twilight, do you still have that compass on you?"
"Of course!" Twilight was already floating the item in question. "Seems like east is about... that way."
Applejack rolled her eyes. "I coulda figured that out by the position of the sun...!"
"Yeah... about that..." Flash squinted at Trixie. "Just how much time has passed anyways?"
"Judging from the steps we took to come back here to this burrow..." Twilight pivoted, pivoted some more, and finally pointed towards a smudge of gold-thatched rooftops in the distance. "...Ah-HAH! There's our destination!"
"Augh!" Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. "Eastward! Eastward! Always eastward! Is anypony else sick of this by now?"
"No!"
"... ... ...anypony besides Derpy?"
"Leave it be, darling," Rarity said.
"Alright..." Sunset Shimmer marched over to a tree and pulled out the first of several throngs of loose shrubbery. "Back to the bushes!"
"We're..." Flash blinked. "...still doing the bush thing?"
"Well it's worked so far," Rainbow Dash said. She flew down to the ground and winced slightly. "Well... mostly..."
"Everything should go fine..." Sunset cast a look over her flank. "...provided that we all keep in pace with one another and don't lose the front half of the group."
Flash Sentry gulped. "I swear. I didn't mean to take my eyes off--"
"We've only got so much of the sunlight left," Sunset said. "The Princess doesn't know that we're here and the rest of the group is still waiting back at the Everfree Forest. That means there's no more room for errors. So let's--"
"Errors?" Trixie's muzzle scrunched. "You call what my trot buddy and Trixie just went through an 'error?'"
Sunset groaned, face-hoofing. "Please, Trixie. This is no time for--"
"It is too time!" Trixie stomped a hoof. "Time for you to listen and shut up!" She pointed. "None of this would have happened if you--at the head of the scouting party--didn't gallop off like a bunch of old lady tourists having to make water!" She turned to gawk at Bulk, Lyra, and the others. "What kind of a sneaking mission is performed like the opening ceremony to a Usain Bolt Convention, anyways???"
"Trixie," Sunset droned. "Everypony here knows you were never a fan of this plan to begin with--"
"Yes. Everypony knows that you and I don't see eye to eye." Trixie tilted her nose up. "...and that you sped up the scouting party with Trixie at the rear just to spite her!"
"Oh for crying out--"
"BUT...!" Trixie clenched her teeth. "...any bad blood that there may or may not be between you and Trixie is no reason to put Flash's well-being in danger!" She pointed at the stupefied, blinking stallion. "So stuff your pride and save it for when we're back in the CHS hallways, sister!"
Everypony's heads turned towards Sunset.
Sunset blinked hard. She opened her muzzle to reply... but caught a side-squint from Applejack. A bulb of sweat formed along her temple... and the unicorn let out a heavy sigh. Her head hung, and after a brief moment of composing herself, she spoke firmly through the afternoon air:
"I'm sorry, Flash. Trixie." She looked up with a calm expression. "I'm sorry that I moved us too quickly. I should have been more concerned with the group's safety and less concerned about making it to our destination." She held her hoof over her chest. "And it's my fault that we lost track of the two of you... and that you got captured by Diamond Dogs."
Everypony's heads turned towards Trixie and Flash.
"Mmmmmmmm..." Trixie glanced left and right, then nodded with a deadpan expression. "Trixie finds that acceptable." She glanced aside. "Trot buddy?"
"Huh? What? OH! Uhhhh..." Flash nodded briskly. "Yes. Definitely." A gulp. A final nod. "Sunset."
Sunset breathed a bit easier. She trotted over to the bushes, lifted a few lengths of shrubbery, and looked back at the group. "Some of you might find this method silly. But I promise you it's for the best. And that's not all that I promise." She looked at Trixie and Flash. "This time... we will go about it slowly. Even if it takes us past sundown to reach Ponyville. All that matters is that we contact Princess Twilight--whether it be late or early. Until then, I'll make sure that I look after everyone in the party. All scouts. We won't keep moving unless everypony's accounted for. Got it?"
"Got it!"
"Gotcha!"
"Uh huh!"
"YEAHHHH!!!"
"Shhhhhhhh..." Sunset smiled at Bulk Biceps. "Sneaking mission... remember?" She turned towards Twilight and Rainbow Dash and began talking strategy.
In the meantime, Flash slumped back on his haunches, exhaling heavily.
"You okay there, chief?" Trixie trotted over to him.
Flash shook his head. "I don't even know anymore."
"Well, let the Grreat and Powerrful Trixie spell it out for you." She reached over and ruffled his blue mane. "You're halfway there, bucko."
He leaned back and shook his hair straight, squinting at her. "Halfway where?"
"Mmmmm... maybe you'll find out. Sooner than later." Trixie started gathering twigs and leaves for their own makeshift bush. "Stick by Trixie. She's not as useless as she used to think."
Flash cocked his head aside. "Is that a fact?"
"At the end of the day... the one truly magical thing about Trixie is her charm..." She looked at him and smiled. "Don't you think?" A heavy, slow wink. "Wiiiink!"
The air smelled of cinnamon and hay the first moment Flash and the rest of the scouting party entered the outskirts of Ponyville. He took several deep wheezing breaths, as if attempting to re-orient his lungs. But no matter how much he questioned reality, the air of Ponyville only smelled sweeter with each dozen feet that they trotted into the lazy farm town.
The architecture of the buildings looked like something out of a children's book: bright pastel wood varnish, perfectly gold-thatched rooftops, stained glass windows, and hundreds if not thousands of “hearts” and equine “smiley faces” carved, stenciled, and sculpted into every building face.
The roads and alleys were all dirt; not a single patch of asphalt or square of pavement was to be found. What's more, the apartments and inns and stores looked almost naturally “grown-into” the environment. Yes, it was a village—a fairly dense one at that—but it didn't look like it was invading the landscape as much as it was delicately merging with it.
There were no motor vehicles, no roaring engines, no obtuse noises of any sort. Ponies of various ages and trots of life drew wagons and other types of carts from one destination to another. From the look of displays through various windows, the town did run on some sort of modern-day form of electricity, but there was no over-doing... no post-industrial malaise of wastefulness or pollution.
It was a quiet town... and yet a busy town. For every neighborly pony conversation, there was an equal amount of birdsong and cicada buzzing. Squirrels and chipmunks and rabbits scurried fearlessly from one patch of soil to another, and roadside garbage cans were well-kempt... not overflowing.
There was no single pony walking with a cell phone or mp3 player. The residents of Ponyville trotted from block to block with their heads raised, their ears perked, their eyes full of blue sky and sunlight. Smiles hovered everywhere, reflecting the genuine bounty, and laughter mixed with the sounds of giggling foals from every other row of buildings.
There was an undeniable element of fantastical reality to the town as well. Pegasi flitted and dove intermittently overhead. Unicorns levitated bags of grocery items with them as they trotted across the village. Some storefronts had otherworldly light displays, and the tingling percussion of magic spells echoed every once in a while from unknown locations. Once or twice, Flash and Trixie saw a sparse few non-equine creatures—curious specimens of bird, horse, cat, and drake—dipping in and out of random establishments before heading off towards their daily business.
All of this whimsical simplicity was overshadowed by sheer majesty—a series of steep mountains loomed to the northeast, and from a distance the group could see Disney-esque castle spires sitting on the jutting cliffsides. The whole village rested soundly in the shadow of an impossibly epic horse capital. What's more, if the group pivoted about to look northwest—they could spot a hazy cluster of clouds that were set apart from the rest of the sky. A hint or two from Sunset Shimmer confirmed the unthinkable: it was a floating pegasus city, brimming with rainbows and cascading rainwater that caught the glitter from a setting sun.
But the group had precious little time to savor all of these details. The full half-hour it took for them to penetrate the heart of Ponyville was spent scurrying from building to building, alleyway to alleyway, patch of grass to patch of grass. Penetrating the village to get to their destination wasn't as difficult as Flash expected, but it did prove stressful. Once or twice, he spotted—among the villagers—identical copies to Lyra, Bulk Biceps, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. He did a double-take, spotting a white mare with spikey blue mane hair and thick glowing headphones—who could only be Vinyl Scratch. Trixie tapped his withers at one point and gestured to a horse version of Filthy Rich, and they both observed a big burly red clydesdale accompanied by a gangly quadruped version of Applejack's grandmother.
Someone whom Flash did not see... was himself. Or at least, his pony self.
“Maybe he doesn't live here,” Trixie whispered.
Flash's nostrils flared. “Or this universe's me is dead.”
She turned to raise an eyebrow at him. The two stood huddled beneath a low-spreading tree along with the rest of the ponies. “Does your mind always go to sad-sacky places, sad-sack?”
“Mmmmm...” Flash shrugged. “Can't help it.”
“Clearly you can't.” Trixie muttered. “Look on the bright side!” A wry smile. “Maybe he's a successful stage musician!”
“Actually, he's a member of the royal Canterlot Guard,” Sunset Shimmer whispered, all the while scanning the nearby scene for passing villagers. “Stationed in the Crystal Kingdom.”
Flash blinked.
“Heh... well how 'bout that, Flash, partner?” Applejack murmured from where she squatted low with her trot buddy. “Seems yer pony self decided to flash a badge instead of a guitar pick!”
“Yeah... well...” Flash shrugged. “...I hope he doesn't have an itchy trigger finger.”
“Actually there are no guns in Equestria,” Sunset said. “Or fingers.”
“Wow. Charleston Heston would roll in his grave.” A beat. Flash blinked. “Do ponies get buried when they die or are you all needed for the arts-and-crafts economy?”
“Shhhhhhh!” Twilight Sparkle insisted, glasses rattling. “There's a pony coming this way!”
The group went silent. A pegasus trotted by, humming to herself. She paused to pick a few flowers from the roadside. After stuffing them into her basket, she giggled and flitted along on buzzing wings.
“Wow...” Lyra craned her neck, speaking only once the mare had left their vicinity. “Was that this world's version of Twilight?”
“No,” Twilight said. “My doppelganger is an alicorn—remember? The Princess?”
Lyra squinted. “Well that pony looked a lot like Twilight, only with a different color scheme.”
“Now that I see all of these ponies up close...” Trixie took a deep breath. “...I see you weren't joking about how easy it would be to run into our doubles.” She closed her eyes, steeled herself, and spat: “Trixie admits she was wrong about the stealthiness of your plan, Miss Shimmer.”
“Heh...” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Pinch me. I must be dreaming to hear Trixie humble herself.”
“Yeah, well...” Sunset breathed. “...I could have executed my plan a lot better, Trixie. I'll give you that.” She craned her neck, peering over the nearest line of buildings. “Anyways, we've come so far... and our destination is within a stone's throw now.”
Flash blinked. He looked up—and his eyes caught the crystalline spires of a tall, tall structure that stood out like a sore hoof from the rest of Ponyville. A knot formed in his throat, and his body went cold.
Trixie glanced curiously at his locking figure.
“Reckon we can make it past the last smatterin' of buildings?” Applejack asked. “It's a bit more wide open in this here district.”
“Also less populated,” Sunset declared. “Only the Princess' closest friends and visiting ponies on royal business show up on the north side of town.” She looked aside. “Rainbow Dash. Think you can glide up to that tree beside the hotel and provide a look-out?”
“Roger that!”
“Give us a signal when the next two adjacent streets are clear. We'll make a brisk gallop to the edge of the bowling alley.”
“You guys have a bowling alley?!?” Pinkie gasped—only for Rarity to wrap her hoof over her loud muzzle, silencing her.
“Stay focused,” Sunset said. “We're almost at the Princess' Castle! Once we're inside... then we can relax!” She nodded to Rainbow Dash, who flew off in a prismatic blur. “Okay. Let's do this in two sets of two. Twilight and I will go first, followed by Bulk Biceps and Derpy Hooves...”
In the meantime, Flash's eyes remained locked on the castle spires above and beyond. His knees wobbled noticeably, and he hung his head with a sad sigh.
“... … ...hey...”
His right ear pricked. The stallion looked to his side.
Trixie was squinting worriedly at him. “Are you okay?”
Flash gulped. “Do me a favor...?”
Trixie blinked. Nevertheless, she stood tall and tilted her nose up. “Ask anything of Trixie...!”
He took a steady breath. “Just... talk to me...”
“Hmmm?” Trixie arched an eyebrow. “Talk to you?”
“Yes, please.”
“... … ...about what?”
“Anything. Just...” Flash shuddered. “... … ...I wanna pretend like I'm somewhere else right now.”
“Hmmm. Very well.” Trixie leaned in close, her voice soft so as not to carry beyond the branches of the tree they were all hiding under. “Have you ever seen episodes of Penn and Teller's Fool Us? It's a remarkable experience—easily worth bingeing. And you can find most of their segments uploaded to Youtube! Why, there's this one magic act that took to the stage. He asked Penn Jillette to join him and together they opened a fresh deck of cards—shrinkwrapped and everything! Well, after asking Penn to name a card they put it back in the deck and held it between Penn's hands. Then, with pure stagecraftmanship, the deck was replaced with a freshly-sealed set of cards that contained his—”
Flashed breathed easily, drifting between the words of Trixie's velvety voice. His heart beat firmly, but it was no longer bursting from his chest. As the minutes went by—and Trixie's anecdotes spun into one another—he awaited the moment when they would cross the street last...
“So... what do you reckon we do?” Applejack peered her head from one of a half-dozen bushes scrunched up against the foundation of the tree-like castle. She looked back at Sunset Shimmer and the others. “Knock?”
“Nope.” Sunset nudged Twilight. Together, the two human-turned-ponies slid their shrubbery up to the front door of the place. “I've got a key.”
“You do?” Rarity craned her neck. “But I don't see anything on you, darling!”
“It's not a physical kind of key.” Sunset took a breath, concentrated, and summoned a glow of energy into her horn. “It's a spell. One that Twilight has exclusively taught to close friends and allies to the Elements of Harmony.” She licked her lips as she concentrated. “Starlight Glimmer. Tempest Shadow...”
Rainbow Dash made a face from where she hovered. “Who the heck is 'Tempest Shadow?'”
“Shhh!” Sunset insisted. “I need to concentrate!”
The group watched as Sunset's glowing light transferred into the seamwork of the door itself. There as a rattling sound—followed by a pleasant percussion. Like windchimes. The door opened with a breath of cool air, stealing the breaths from everyone's lungs with a sigh of relief.
“Uhm...” Derpy squinted, then covered one wandering eye with her hoof. “Is the front atrium really that huge?”
“She ain't seein' thangs.” Applejack grimaced. “I dun see how this castle is wide enough to afford that much room.”
“Yeah. It'll do that.' Sunset exhaled, as her horn dimmed. “You'll get used to it.”
“Then what are we waiting for?!?” Pinkie Pie started bouncing ahead. “Ahoy there, you great horsies! We bring gifts—Whoah!!”
Sunset tugged her back by her tail with telekinesis. “Not so fast. Let me go in first... just to check if the coast is clear.”
“Come onnnnnn!” Pinkie Pie pouted. “Doppelganger partyyyyyy!”
“Let her do as she says, Pinkie,” Rarity said. “She hasn't steered us wrong this far.”
“I won't be long. I promise.” Sunset shuffled ahead. “I'll call for the rest of you in a moment. I know you're all exhausted. We're almost at our destination.” She looked over her flank in mid-trot. “Keep an eye on them, Twilight, please.”
“Aye, cap'n!” The four-eyed unicorn saluted.
The rest of the group huddled anxiously between the foundation of the castle and their translocated bushes. Bulk Biceps rocked back and forth. Lyra hummed quietly beneath her breath. Rainbow hovered in tiny little circles and...
...and Flash Sentry was breaking out in a cold sweat. His ears rang, and he realized how deathly silent everything was. “Hey... Trixx...!” He whispered aside.
“Moi?” Trixie glanced at him.
“Could you... continue rambling...?” He murmured.
“Moi!” Trixie smiled pleasantly, whispering back. “Where was I? Oh yes! Imported cheese and crackers are the best. Totally worth the wait from ManehattanPeanutButterHQ.com! Trixie always has them on a cheat day. You know... when Trixie's feeling like being even more powerful and great than usual! Why's that called 'cheating?' Cuz it forces everyone else to face waaaaay more distance in catching up to Trixie's awesomeness! So they'll have to cheat! Which—face it—isn't all that different from usual.”
Flash Sentry let out a long, calm breath. He relaxed noticeably, drifting along the currents of Trixie's boastful—albeit delectably cute vocalizing.
“I'll have a few of those treats right after a major show. Not before, mind you. While Trixie is fine with enjoying some imported decadence, it does a number on her... mouth... … and orating... … … abilities...” She was progressively leaning her head to the far side, squinting with curiosity at Flash.
Her trot buddy hung her head, breathing slowly.
“Sad sack...?”
“Hmmm?”
She arched an eyebrow. “Just why have you gotten such a keen interest in the random things that Trixie has to say?”
“Don't worry about it. Just keep talking.”
“No, Trixie wants to know.”
“You're awesome. Isn't that enough?”
“It's enough for Trixie. Rarely is it enough for anyone else—at least when they're not in an audience.” She clenched her jaw. “And you're hardly one to patronize. So what is the problem?”
“I just... … ...” Flash squinted one eye at the entrance to the castle and immediately grimaced. “... … ...don't want to remember that I'm here right now.”
Trixie tilted her fuzzy chin up... up … up as she took in the spectacle and majesty of the tall structure. “Does sad-sack have a phobia of castles? I can understand that! It's perfectly natural!” Trixie looked to the left... then to the right. She leaned in and whispered hoarsely while cupping a hoof around her muzzle. “Let Trixie share a thing or two about wheels...”
“No, Trixie, it's not that—”
“Never trust anything that can roll over you twice!”
“I said it's not about the castle!” Flash hissed. A few of the other ponies glanced curiously at him. With a shudder, he retreated deeper into his shrubbery—closer to Trixie. “I'm just... not thrilled about bumping into who's inside.”
“... … …?” Trixie looked into the yawning, crystalline maw of the place. She then looked back at Flash. “Are you... still head over heels about her?”
Flash blanched. “No...!”
“Then what is the problem?”
“I'm...” Flash deflated with a depressing sigh. “...ass over elbow about being head over heels about her.”
Trixie merely blinked.
“Every time I think I've gotten over her...” Flash looked deadpan at Trixie. “Every time I remember the wise things Sunset told me to get past it all. Every time I think about how easy life is when I don't think about her. Every time I feel like I'm finally a sane human being...” He gritted his teeth. “... … ...I remember the last time I ever truly felt happy.” He swallowed a lump down his throat. “And it was spending time with her. Dancing. Holding hands. Performing in a music competition. Hearing her voice. Seeing her sweet, angelic face.”
“Rnnnngh...” Flash slumped to the ground, covering his muzzle with his hooves. “I knowwwwwwwww...”
“But... pathetic is what one must feel... when you share so much of yourself with someone else... only to have it taken away.”
Flash squinted one eye curiously at Trixie.
“Not that the Grreat and Powerrful Trixie has ever experienced that or anything!” She folded her forlimbs and tilted her nose up. “The only person Trixie has ever loved is herself!”
“Heh...” Flash smirked. “Must be great.”
“Don't you mean it must be 'selfish, egotistical, and dumb?'”
His brow furrowed. “I didn't say that.”
“Trixie knows.” She sighed out the side of her muzzle. “And—for what it's worth—I sometimes wish Trixie could feel was sad-sack does... if only to have that one moment of being happy.”
“You... aren't happy, Trixie?” Flash asked, sitting up with a look of concern over his muzzle.
“Pffft! Of course Trixie is happy!” She smirked devilishly at him. “Being a stage magician is the greatest source of contentment Trixie could ask for! It's just that... Trixie performs all the time. It's her profession. And when happiness becomes a part of your job—when it's something that's scheduled—well... you can probably imagine: the thrill is somewhat... diluted over time.”
“I... guess I can see that.”
“But what you have... what you had...” Trixie took a deep breath, her expression turning thoughtful as she gazed off into the distance. “... … ...it sounds like something magical. Something pure.”
“That's the problem,” Flash muttered. “If I continue to believe that, I continue to be how I am now.” He grumbled, ears folding back. “A perpetual bag of regret and disappointment, always looking into the past.” His eyes closed. “A veritable sad-sack.”
“You really really really want to let go, huh?”
“Mmmmhmmmm.”
“And being forced to come here—to trot straight through Equestria, her kingdom—you simply can't afford to let go... even if you already thought you did.”
He sighed again.
“Well... don't sweat it. Not one bit.”
Flash felt a blue hoof lifting him up.
Trixie smirked. “If worse comes to worse—and you're forced to bump into her—Trixie will cover for you.”
“... … ...how?”
“I'll say that—you're Flash's twin!” Trixie grinned wide. “Felicity Sentry!”
“That sounds like a girl's name.”
“Shhhh! Trixie is being friendly!” She gestured. “Orrrrrrr... I'll say that you contracted some horrible horse disease in the Everfree Forest along the way here! And if you so much as open your muzzle, you'd infect the princess!”
“Eugh...” Flash winced.
“Or... perhaps... just perhaps...” She smirked. “We can pretend that you and I are now boyfriend and girlfriend! So she won't get any bold ideas and just leave you be! Just pretend, mind you.” She winked. “Wiiiink!”
“... … …” Flash took a breath. “I think I'd rather have a virus or be the twin sister.”
“In any case. Trixie will think of something! Just trust in Trixie!”
Flash steadied himself, his eyes moistening. “You'd... really go that far for my sake...?”
“Is that really so hard to believe?”
“... … ...no. No, I don't think it is.”
“Good! See? You're catching on!” Trixie put a hoof around his neck, nudging him playfully. “You'll be wising up to Trixie's Great and Powerfulness yet!”
“Sounds like a fun list,” Flash droned. “Who's on it?”
“So far? Just you!” Trixie smiled. “... … ...potentially.”
“What about those two supporting musicians of yours? The Illusions?”
“The who?”
Just then...
“Okay, everypony.” Sunset stepped up. “Coast is clear.” She smiled, gesturing into the heart of the castle. “Let's go.”
“A little more to the left,” Princess Twilight Sparkle said. Her voice echoed across the central meeting room of the Castle of Friendship. Her horn glowed, extending a violet aura of magic to a large surrealist painting that was floating high against a wall. “A little more...”
Standing at the top of a ladder before the wall was a pint-sized... reptilian thing with purple scales and green spines. With his meager reach, the princess' helper straightened and adjusted the grossly-large painting until it aligned with fasteners placed within the crystalline surface of the castle's interior. At last, after much sweat and fuss, the landscape illustration was neatly hung.
“Perfect...” Princess Twilight Sparkle exhaled.
Spike spun around, wiping his brow. “Whew!” He placed his hands on his scaled hips and smiled with contentment.
THUD!!!
The whole room shook from a pair of doors opening thunderously. Behind Twilight's assistant, the painting fell loosely from its fasteners and fell back to the floor. Spike moaned in pitiful discontent.
Twilight—in the meanwhile—spun towards the foyer entrance with a gaping muzzle.
What she greeted was an inordinate amount of exhausted, frazzled ponies collapsing in the center of the doorframe with a cluster of bushes and shrubbery occupying the glossy floor behind them. There was an exact copy of Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Derpy Hooves, Rainbow Dash—and herself—among others. The only equine standing tall and remotely “at ease” was none other than Sunset Shimmer... who was presently beholding her majesty with a sheepish grin.
“We're baa-aa-aack.”
Princess Twilight blinked. “Oh my gosh...” She held a hoof to her muzzle. “You've returned! Did...” She gulped. “Did it work?!? Did the Staff of Sacanas drive away the Storm King's Magic?! Did you get to save the cruise ship in time?”
While the rest of the group wheezed for breath, Sunset trotted forward. “Everybody from the cruise ship has been saved. The ship itself... … … mmmmm... not so much...”
“Holy guacamole!” Spike gasped. “You mean it totally sunk?!?”
“Yessir!” Rainbow Dash hovered beside Sunset. She replaced her exhaustion with pride for a brief moment. “But we saved all hands on deck with our awesome superpowers!” A forelimb flex. “Wish you were there to see it! It was totally a comic book hero moment! Only... out at sea. And... there was a dumb parrot telling us what to do—”
“Point is...” Sunset spoke over her prismatic friend. “We got everyone off the ship safely. But they still need our help. They... we need your help.”
“You do?” Princess Twilight Sparkle blinked. She stood in place, her face awash with thought. Then she spoke with an epiphany: “You brought everyone through the portal, didn't you?”
“The whole crew?!?” Spike grimaced. “That has to be—like—thousands!”
“Two hundred and twenty-two, to be exact,” the human-turned-Twilight said, adjusting her glasses. “It wasn't the largest cruise ship.”
“I told the majority of them to stay back at the edge of the Everfree Forest,” Sunset remarked. “While this small scouting party came here to spread word. I didn't think it was wise to have the entire group march straight into Ponyville. I... uh...” She raised a delicate hoof. “...I think you can understand why.”
“Oh, I do.” The Princess nodded. “And I understand why you chose to do what you did. Considering the nature of the new portal you discovered—and its proximity to Ponyville—this was the quickest and safest solution.”
“The Everfree Forest wasn't exactly safe,” Rainbow Dash said. She folded her forelimbs with a smirk. “But nothing we couldn't handle!”
“Yer Majesty...” Applejack stepped forward. She took her hat off and bowed her head. “Pleasure meetin' ya again, sugarcube.”
Princess Twilight giggled. “Please, Applejack. We're friends.” She shook her head. “You don't have to do that!”
“Back home, it might make perfect sense!” Rarity exclaimed. “But here we are—in reality! In your Castle!” She spun about, pinching her own pony cheeks as her eyes filled with stars. “Your magical... magical castle...!”
“Hoo boyyyyyy...” Applejack placed her hat back on and rolled her eyes.
“Why... it's just so beautiful and fantastical and charming I could just—!” And Rarity let loose a girlish whimper as she fell into the prepared Applejack's forelimbs.
“Wait a second...!” Fluttershy craned her neck, squinting at the Princess' purple assistant. “Spike?” Her muzzle hung agape as she shuffled forward. “Dragon Spike?”
“What? Huh?” A pair of green eyeslits blinked back at her. “Oh! Hey there, Fluttershy! Yup! This is the real non-doggo me!” He flexed his tiny biceps. “In the flesh! Er... scales...”
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!” Fluttershy slid forward, squatting low before the dinky draconian. “You are just... so... adorable!” She leaned in and rubbed her cheek against his chest. “Just look at you! Why... you look exactly like my middle school drawings on Deviantart!”
“Awwwww... jeee... thanks...” Spike cleared his throat and leaned in towards the Princess. “What's a Deviantart?”
The Princess shrugged. “I have no idea.”
“Uhm... Your Highness?” Lyra stepped forward, shaking the cobwebs from her mane. “I hate to speak out of place and such... but...” She gestured vaguely out towards the front entrance. “Our friends are waiting back for us at the Everfree Forest and the sun's going down...”
“Yes...” Derpy nodded. “We've had some... uhm... delays in getting here too.”
“Now it all makes sense!” Princess Twilight rubbed her chin in thought. “You need my help in getting them all here so they can walk through the portal.”
“If it's not too much trouble,” Applejack said.
“Applejack.” The Princess nodded at her, then looked down the line of ponies. “Lyra Heartstrings, I presume. Derpy Hooves. Bulk Biceps...”
Off to the side, Trixie Lulamoon and Flash Sentry stood side by side—the latter trembling slightly. Trixie glanced at her trot buddy, then glanced back at the Princess. Neither said a word.
Princess Twilight Sparkle smiled, trotting up towards the cluster of scouts. “Pinkie Pie. Trixie. What you all did here was very brave. And I promise you it won't go unrewarded. I will bring the rest of your group here—safe and sound. A simple teleportation spell should do.”
“You sure about that, your pretty prancing princess pony-ness?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Two hundred and twenty two peops is a lot of peops to dispeopsplace!”
“You're not wrong. It is a lot of ponies to move. But I've faced bigger challenges before. Not to worry.” Princess Twilight smiled. “To be perfectly safe, I'll utilize the help of Sunset Shimmer here. What's more, I've got a friend named Starlight Glimmer who is also very gifted at magic. Together, I'm more than certain the three of us will have your friends gathered here within the hour.”
“Can they all fit in a place like this?!?” Bulk Biceps wheezed.
“This place really is bigger on the inside!” Lyra added.
The Princess giggled lightly. “I think most things here in Equestria will surprise you. I felt the same way about the stuff I witnessed in your world. But just like I was helped during my visits, I'll be sure everyone visiting Equestria receives the same hospitality.” She smiled at Lyra, Fluttershy, Trixie, Flash, Pinkie... “Spike?”
“Yes ma'am?”
“Send a letter to Starlight! Then go and fetch the rest of my friends from around town!”
“Yes, ma'am!” Spike saluted.
“I have to gather a few spellbooks in preparation. Then I'll fly out to Everfree and greet Sunset's friends in person! Tell the rest of the mares to meet me there!”
“Will do!”
Spike waddled off, and the Princess made for the library wing. As she trotted, she spoke over her flank. “Sunset, I'll need your assistance. The rest of you—please make yourself at home. You've deserved some relaxation after your arduous trip.”
The room filled with sighs of relief as the humans-turned-horses settled around in various spots.
All except for Trixie and Flash.
Flash Sentry stood dead still, his limbs locked as he gazed wide-eyed at the last location the Princess had occupied.
Trixie patiently stared at him.
“She... … ...” Flash's muzzle hung open. “... … ...she didn't say a single thing to me.”
His trot buddy blinked.
“... … ...she barely even acknowledged my existence.”
“That's...” Trixie put on a brave smile. “...a good thing, right?”
“Buhhhh...” Flash exhaled. “Absolutely! But...”
“But...?”
“... … ….why do I somehow feel so awful about it?”
Trixie bit her lip.
Flash's ears drooped. He hung his head. “I think I need a drink.”
“You're seventeen years old,” Trixie reminded. Her eyes narrowed. “And a horse.”
“I still think I need a drink.”
“How about a cup of your own tears.”
“Heh...” He bore a bittersweet smirk, eyes lazy and handsome. A shrug. “Maybe.”
Trixie patted his withers. “Come on, sad-sack.” She motioned towards the corner. “Let's sit and sulk in luxury.”
“Herrrrrre we go...” Trixie turned around three times before plopping down on a set of cushions in the castle library. She smirked at her trot buddy, her tail flicking. “Have a squat, sad sack.”
“Don't mind if I do...” Flash Sentry exhaled as if he was being slowly deflated. This took place before, during, and well beyond his actual reclining process. “Whewwwwwww...” His ears folded back as a bittersweet malaise of derpy comfort washed over his features. “Yeah... this? This is nice.”
“Isn't it, though?”
“Sitting down feels... nice as a pony.” Flash blew out his muzzle as his wings went slack along his sides. “In fact, I bet everything feels nice as a pony.”
“Mmmhmmm.”
“I just wish I wasn't... so busy dodging manticores... sleeping on dirt... eating wildflowers for breakfast... galloping miles over empty fields... wearing a brambly bush as a parka... getting forced to dig through solid rock as a slave by diamond dogs... being thrown around by diamond dogs...”
“Mmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmm...”
Flash shuddered. “Still... this feels nice, though.”
Trixie's eyes narrowed. “Why does Trixie get the feeling that you'd prefer all of those uncomfortable things towards actually being here, though?”
He clenched his eyes shut. A pent-up whine collected in the back of his throat.
Trixie fluffed her mane. “Trixie doesn't get it. I mean... what makes the Princess so... impactful to Sad-Sack? In our world, she's basically just Twilight Sparkle but if you take off the glasses and give her a puffier blouse to wear.”
“Ilikepuffysleeves,” Flash muttered into his forelimbs.
“That's not the point!” Trixie said—lingered—then squinted. “...or is it?”
“The clothes don't make the person.”
“Trixie wishes she could believe in that, but she's far too busy being fabulous to blind herself with futile attempts at humility!”
“Has anybody ever told you that you're brutally honest in your self-centeredness?”
“We're not talking about Trixie! We're talking about you!”
“You make it really... really hard to tell, most of the times.”
“Fair enough.” Trixie tilted her head up. “But Trixie assures you—we are talking about you.” She blew a tuft of mane hair out from her face. “Or more specifically, you and her.”
“Guhhhh...” Flash bapped his own skull with his hooves. “I'm such a friggin' idiot...”
“Do go onnnnn...” She said musically, winking.
“Can you believe...” Flash sat up, staring squarely at her with a disgusted expression. “That for a while there—as late as a month or two ago—I differentiated the two Twilight's as 'my Twilight' and 'Sunset's Twilight'?”
“... … ...” Trixie fidgeted a bit on her cushions. “...that second designation strikes Trixie as curious—”
“Point is—neither of them are anyone's Twilight! Nobody owns them! I certainly don't own anyone! And yet... just the way it'd come out of me in passive conversation...” He fiddled with the edge of a pillow as he stared pathetically into the crystalline floor of the room. “Every time I bothered Sunset and her friends... checking up on if the heard any news from the Princess in this world...”
“Perfectly natural—”
“Twice a day.”
“Ohhhhweeeeeohhhhhhhh...” Trixie scrunched up. It was her turn to wince. “Yes, that's pushing it a bit hard there, chief.”
“Don't I know it.” Flash chuckled dryly. “I do know it.” An even drier chuckle; he scoured the ceiling with guilty eyes. “I've said it time and time again—I'm over her. I'm past it all. I'm done obsessing. Finito.” His vision narrowed on a distant structure. “Are those... the roots of a tree?”
“And yet...” Trixie remained on topic. “Coming here must have dug all of that up from where it was buried.” She rested a blue cheek against a blue hoof. “...you can't blame yourself for being thrown right back into those feelings.”
“Can't I, though?” Flash's muzzle twisted into a frown. “It just... sucks! And the only one I have to blame is myself! You saw what happened just now. She acted like I didn't exist. That... is the greatest thing that could have ever come out of our meeting. I should be happy about it! I should... erhm... uh... embrace the existential manifestation of what I've fought so long to shake off. But... dammit... it's still there. That stupid friggin' part of me that thinks she's somehow 'mine'... as if I have to fight for an excuse to be mad. By principle!”
“It's natural to be mad—”
“But it's not right!” Flash snapped.
Trixie stared calmly at him. “Trixie didn't say it was 'right.' She said it was natural.”
Flash sighed long and hard.
“All in all, Trixie thinks you're handling this better than you probably think you are.”
“Yeah, well, I wish I could believe that. I really do.” Flash grumbled. “But there's this freakish moron inside of me and I can't stop wrestling with him.”
“You should do what Trixie does!”
“... … ...make handkerchiefs appear out of vest pockets?”
“They don't appear out of midair! They come out of Trixie's sleeve!” She paused, rolled her eyes, and calmed herself. “Look. What Trixie means is... you need to broaden your perspective.”
“Broaden my perspective...”
“That's right! Look at yourself outside of yourself... so that you'll realize everything that you're within! Then position that in the middle of everything that's outside! Voila! You have a stage! And all that you need to know on the stage is the props and where to put or use them!”
“I... don't think I can compartmentalize my own inner psyche to a magic act, Trixie.”
“Pffft! Well of course not, sad-sack! You can't just become Great and Powerful overnight!”
“I totally believe you.”
“Well, totally believe that Trixie can help you start!”
“Okay...?”
“First thing...” Trixie gestured. “Refer to yourself in the third person.”
Flash was already grimacing. “You've gotta be kidding me.”
“Does Trixie look like she's joking?”
“No, you look blue and fuzzy.”
“Close enough. Now repeat after Trixie.” She smiled, waving her hoof slowly through the air. “I...”
Silence.
Trixie emphasized: “I...”
Flash Groaned. “I...”
“...the Great and Powerful Flash Sentry....”
“...the Great and—pffffttt—”
“Don't laugh.”
“It's not a laugh. More like a spontaneous pulmonary embolism.”
“Let's start over. 'I, the Great and Powerful Flash Sentry...'”
“I, the Great and Powerful Flash Sentry...”
“'...am no longer in love with Princess Twilight Sparkle.'”
“...am no longer... in l-love with Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“'Flash Sentry has let her go.'”
“Flash Sentry has let her go.”
“'So it does not matter to Flash Sentry what the Princess does or say.'”
“So it does not matter to Flash Sentry what the Princess does or say.”
Trixie smiled. “'Flash does not care if she's a stuck-up cold-hearted packmule who doesn't believe in writing letters—'”
“Flash does not c—guhhh—!” Flash barked at Trixie. “I can't say that about her!”
“Euggggh...” Trixie face-hoofed. “I see we have so much work to do.”
“Goddammit!” Flash clutched his face and moaned into his forelimbs for a spell.
“There there, sissy-poo...” Trixie patted his shoulder. “Let it all out.”
“I wish I wasn't stupid enough to bottle it in!” Flash punched at the floor. “Just... frickin'... piece of garbage... idiot...!” He stopped glaring at his reflection in the floor. Calming, he looked at Trixie with a slack-jawed expression. “Sometimes I wish I just wasn't a dude... y'know? I wish I could learn to just... shrug off this stupid stubborn ego and let things go.”
“I... don't think that has anything to do with being a dude or a girl,” Trixie said. “But simply with being a good person.” She swallowed. “Which you are, Flash.” She looked at him sincerely. “At least... Trixie thinks so.”
Flash's ears perked slightly. “Really?”
She narrowed her eyes above a wry grin. “You've spent two days with Trixie without killing her, hmmm?”
“Heh.” Flash Sentry chuckled. “Good point.”
She tilted her nose up. “A most great and powerful point.”
Flash Sentry chuckled for a few moments longer. The shine to his coat felt a bit brighter, and his shoulders relaxed—as if a certain degree of weight had melted off. He lay tummy-first on the cushions and aimed a mellow smile towards the far end of the room where colorful ponies had cute little colorful pony conversations of their own.
The next few words merely dripped from his muzzle: “I'm very glad that I had you as my trot buddy, Trixie.”
“Look, I know you're trying to ditch your ego, but you don't have to embrace lying so quickly.”
“It's no lie. I mean it.” Flash shook his head. “I mean... it's not like all the problems I'm dealing with are gone, but somehow it just doesn't... seem as big of a deal anymore. I don't think I could have come out of this whole friggin' mess feeling this way with just anyone else.”
“You needed someone to be angry at.”
“No, I needed someone to be angry with.”
Trixie bit her lip.
“You don't have to say it back, y'know. But I mean it.” Flash looked at her. “I'm really glad I got to hang out with you. And I hope you come out of this nonsense knowing that you're appreciated for what you've said and done for me these past two days.”
“Hmmmmff... Trixie now knows she was wrong about you...”
“Oh?”
Her eyes darted towards him, sharply. “You're not a sad-sack after all. You're a sap-sack.”
“Heh.” Flash smoothed his bangs back and smiled towards the rest of the castle. “Maybe so.”
“Thus, Trixie declares it.”
“That's a Pokevolution if I ever saw one.”
“Trixie's never played Digimon. Only Yu Gi Oh.”
“... … ...'kay.” Flash nodded to the crystalline air. “We can forgive that too...”
“Alright alright alright,” murmured a whelpish draconian fellow. He waddled over towards where Flash Sentry and Trixie Lulamoon were seated. “Only two slots left. I guess that means you guys.” He held a quill in his hand and prepared to write on a scroll of parchment. “Caaaaaaan I get your names, please?”
Flash blinked at the purple-scaled individual. “What? Are you taking orders?”
“Uhm...” The dragonling arched an eyecrest. “It's roll call.”
“But Sunset Shimmer's already doing a role call,” Trixie stated.
“Yyyyyyyyyyyes... and the Princess thought it was such a good idea that she's starting a double roll call so that she can measure up her list of trot buddies up to Sunset's and that way make doubly sure that everypony is present. Er... uh...” The dragon winked at the pair. “Everybody. Heh. Celestia, I forgot how hard of a habit that is to maintain...”
“Wait...” Trixie squinted. “Spike? Are you this world's Spike?”
“That's correct!” Spike stood straight and tall. “And you must be the human world's Trixie!”
“Grreat and Powerrful Trrixie!” She tilted her muzzle up. “Thank you very much.”
“Eyup. That's you alright.” Spike scribbled onto the parchment. “Jussssst gonna shorten it.”
“Hmff!” Trixie tossed her mane with indignance.
“Have you two met before?” Flash asked.
“Oh, barely.” Trixie shrugged. “But I do meet his talking canine counterpart from time to time.”
“Oh? Dog Spike?” The whelp perked up. “How's he doing by the way?”
“Trixie doesn't know. I haven't seen him since I tried sawing him in half on the street.”
“Oh... uh...” Spike cleared his throat. “Right!” He pointed his quill at Flash. “And you. You're the last one on the list. What's your name, brony?”
“Flash.” The teenager cleared his throat. “Flash Sentry.”
“... … …” Spike squinted for a few moments, then brightened. “Oh! Flash! Flash Sentry! Of course!” He gestured. “I didn't recognize you with all the... the...”
“Feathers?” Trixie droned.
“I was just gonna say pony-ness.” Spike drifted forward, offering a fist. “How've you been, dude?”
Flash chuckled and bumped the dragon's fist with his hoof. “Been holding together as well as possible... all things considered.”
“I heard from Sunset that you had a bumpy ride getting here to Ponyville.”
Flash's eyes narrowed. “She told you that, huh?”
“Yeah. Apparently you ran into some diamond dogs.” Spike shuddered. “Really annoying, huh?”
“'Barbaric' is more like it!” Trixie frowned. “If the Equestrian... p-police forces had any decency, they'd carpet bomb that whole dog pile!”
“I... really don't think they deserve to be forcefully relocated,” Flash said.
“Why not?” Trixie pouted, gazing at him with puppy dog eyes. “They treated sap-sack so miserably?”
“'Sap-sack?'” Spike repeated.
Flash spoke: “The diamond dogs aren't really evil.” He cleared his throat. “Just stupid.”
“That goes for most monsters here in Equestria,” Spike said.
“Yeesh...” Trixie raised a dainty hoof, wincing. “How do you even tolerate that?”
“Well enough.” Spike shrugged. “So long as none of them crawl into my bed and eat my gems.”
“Gotta say, Spike...” Flash rubbed his chin, smirking. “I really dig the dragon-you.”
“Thanks, Flash! I really dig the dragon-me too!”
“And the wings are super cool.” Flash pointed. “Regular Dog Spike doesn't have those.”
“Yeah, crazy, huh?” Spike nodded. “And when Twilight—your world's Twilight comes over through the portal, turns out she's just a regular unicorn! Not an alicorn!”
“What does that mean exactly?” Trixie asked.
“Simply that... uh...” Spike slowly shrugged. “...she's not a princess?”
“... … ...” Trixie looked back at her pony sides. She then turned to glare at Spike. “Why doesn't Trixie have any wings?”
“Uhhhh... sorry...” Spike shook his head. “You're gonna have to ask the portal about that one.”
“Hmmmfff...!” Trixie folded her forelimbs. “If only a certain she-demon wasn't hogging the fall formal crown three years in a row...”
Spike turned to look at Flash. “Have you spoken to Princess Twilight?”
Trixie blinked. She glanced worriedly in Flash's direction.
The teenager kept still and composed. “I... have not.”
“Jee, that's a shame.” Spike smiled innocently. “I'd bet she'd love to talk to you!”
“Uh huh...”
“Want me to go fetch her the moment she's back from teleporting the rest of your buddies here from the Everfree Forest?”
“I... would... really...” Flash spoke out the side of his muzzle. “...not want to bother her.”
“Oh, it's no bother! I'm sure she can find the time before we...” Spike dramatically charaded with a smirk. “...give you the boot back home! Hah! Get it? Boot?” He pointed. “Cuz humans don't wear horseshoes!”
“Seriously, Spike. That's nice and all, but...” Flash glanced at Trixie, then back at the whelp. “I don't need to talk to Her Majesty.”
“But—”
“Thanks for the offer. But I am fine.”
“... … ...” Spike shrugged. “Eh.” He finished writing Flash's name. “Pinkie Pie's working on refreshments. Our Pinkie Pie.” He smiled at the two. “Are humans allergic to peanut butter?”
“Only the unlucky ones.”
“Yeahhhhhhhhh—it'll be fiiiiiiiine.” Spike grinned. “We'll be setting up a banquet hall just outside the library! I hope to see you two there! Boy, there's so much we can do to catch up! I'd like to know how your band is doing!”
Flash smiled. “I like to tell you how my band is doing.”
“It's a date then! Well...” Spike waddled away while pointing at the two. “You know what I mean! Catch you later!”
As Flash watched him leave...
“He really is just a baby dragon, isn't he?” Trixie remarked.
“I could certainly do with a bucket of his purity.”
“Whatever. He's promised Trixie peanut butter.” Trixie licked her muzzle. “He can be Equestria's Buddha for all I know.”
“You skipped right past 'Jesus.' How hipster.”
“Uh huh.” Trixie looked at him. “He gave you an excuse, by the way.”
“I happened to notice that.”
“And you did not take it.”
“I happened to notice that as well.”
“Well, for what it's worth, Trixie is proud of you, Flash.”
Flash shook his head. “That does not matter in the long run.”
Trixie blinked. She nodded towards the walls of the room. “Alright. Make that prouder.”
“Hear ye! Hear ye!” A familiar entity of pink fluff called out felicitously from the hallway adjoining the throneroom and the library of the castle. Everyone in attendance looked to see a long table fully-arranged with treats and drinks and tasty edibles a-plenty. “The banquet is now in session! Every human and horse and horse-human come saddle up for some gracious grub!” A pink hoof extended towards the congregation, accompanied by a bright-toothed smile. “It's on the house! And this is a pretty big house!” The hoppity-hostess giggle-snorted.
“Are... uh...” Lyra Heartstrings cautiously approached the table, leaning forward and sniffing the plates like a pensive feline. “...are these people edible or pony edible?”
“Only one way to find out!” Pretty blue eyes fluttered at the guests. “Right now, you've got horse stomachs! So as long as your mouths and your guts are on this side of the mirror, it should be smooooooooth sailing!”
“Hi there! I'm Pinkie Pie!”
“Hi there! I'm also Pinkie Pie!”
“I really like your mane!”
“Hee-hee-hee! I really like your mane!”
“There's always something I wanted to try... with myself.”
“Am I thinking what you're thinking?!?”
“Let's do—”
“—the mirror dance!”
“Woohooo! Mirror dance!”
“Mirror dance!”
“Mirror dance!”
Flash Sentry cleared his throat, observing as two rambunctious pink balls of energy did an identical shuffle towards the edge of the room. “Alrighty...” He looked at the table where several of the scouting party were gathering up to enjoy some well-deserved refreshment. “I think I'll hang back a bit and casually enjoy what's left. I'm not exactly famished, to tell the truth. What about you, Trixie?”
“Peanut. Butter.”
Flash blinked at his trot buddy. “Does that mean you're taking a plate right now, or...?”
“Peanut. Butter.” She drifted forward like a zombie on ice skates.
“Heheh...” Flash waved at her. “Alright.”
“You're not in a rush to eat?” spoke a familiar, eloquent voice from behind. “Surely you must be quite famished from your ordeal.”
Flash turned around.
He saw Rarity sitting daintily on a cushion before the wall, levitating a blouse that she was sewing a sleeve onto with glowing, glittering telekinesis.
It took the teenage stallion a few moments to realize he was leaving her in rude silence. “Oh! Uhm... yeah, I'm... not really that hungry. Besides, I think I'm going to be stepping home through the mirror soon—”
“It may be an hour or two yet,” the fashionista calmly said, her calm smile unwavering. “From what I hear, Twilight wishes to transport everypony over at once. She has a spell for it—but she's waiting for Starlight to rendezvous with her at the Everfree Forest and help channel it.”
“... … ...” Flash shook his head. “I-I'm sorry. At the risk of sounding stupid...” His eyes narrowed. “Are you human Rarity or pony Rarity...?”
“Oh? Are we both so similar?” A sweet smile crossed her feminine muzzle. “Why, I must say that restores my faith for the other side of the mirror.”
“Heh...” Flash Sentry sat down a few feet across from her. “I must admit. You're both very similar. It's just that...”
“Yes?”
“... … ...well, she can't quite do...” He pointed a wavering hoof at the mare's telekinetic prowess. “... … ...that. Not like you can.”
“I'm sure with a little practice, she'd be more than capable of practicing it.” Rarity cocked her head to the side. “Regardless—have I heard it truthfully told that my familiar in your world can concoct... force fields of sorts?”
“Oh. Right. Those... diamond plate thingies.”
“Ah! And they're in the shape of diamonds too?” The mare sighed dreamily. “Oh, how I would absolutely love to see that in person.” A dainty laugh. “Literally!”
“Heh...” Flash rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean... I guess that's up to the Princess, right?” He gulped. “I... uh... I dunno if she's ever planning on taking her friends on a field trip to our neck of the woods.”
“Doubtful.” Rarity slowly shook her head. “Aside from a righteous need in a moment of dire emergency, the Princess' time is simply too busy as of late.”
“Yeah...” Flash nodded, staring off with a bittersweet expression. “That... sorta figures.”
“And that extends to her closest friends and acquaintances as well.” Rarity continued her glittery sewing motions in midair. “Why... myself? I'm about to open the fifth branch of my boutique chain! In Baltimare, no less! Why, it's simply divine! If not... taxing, to some extent. But a lady never complains.”
“That sounds pretty cool...”
“But—for this afternoon—I've been able to squeeze some time in. Which is most opportune—because Twilight needs her friends around for an event such as this one.” She stifled a yawn and smiled at the crowd as they hovered around the banquet table. “I've even got a few minutes to observe this most auspicious occasion. So many curious individuals from a curious world—and yet they all look like good friends and neighbors!”
“Say...” Flash stood up, flicking his tail with curiosity. “There's something I've always been meaning to ask.”
“And what's that, darling?”
“Just...” Flash hesitated, remembering who he was speaking to. He decided to rearrange the words carefully: “How old is... everyone... around me?” He gestured. “Ponies like me. The other me's... er... other us.”
“You're curious how old your doubles are in Equestria?”
“Yeah, cuz... like...” Flash shrugged. “We're teenagers. High schoolers.” He arched an eyebrow. “I dunno if you or any of the Princess' other friends got the memo.”
“Oh, we were all pretty well-informed,” Rarity said. “And for a while there we assumed there was simply a disparity between the passage of time in Equestria and in... Terra?” Rarity tapped her head, squinting in thought. “Terra Firma—is it?”
“Uhhhhhh—”
“In any case—and don't fret, I don't find the question rude—most of us are around twenty-two to twenty-five winters. Roundabouts.”
“Twenty... five...?”
“I think that puts us in the category of 'young adults,' as t'were. Why there's nearly a decade of difference between both sides of the mirror—I can't pretend to tell. Chalk it up to the mysterious ways of magic!”
“I... uhm...” Flash was fighting a cold sweat. He looked over his shoulder as if being watched. “... … ...don't suppose... uh... Sunset Shimmer may have come up with a mathematical equation toooooo... explain—?”
“I mean, it's quite possible that ponies and people age differently.” Rarity shrugged. “And I doubt our winters are the same as your winters—etcetera... etcetera...”
“Uh huh...” Flash exhaled heavily. “...so I might be a 'young adult' on this side of the mirror?”
“Actually, you're a member of the royal guard stationed in the Crystal Kingdom,” Rarity said with a smile. “Under the command of Prince Shining Armor.”
“No kidding?”
“Has Sunset never told you that?”
“I think I heard about the guard-pony thingy but never about working for Twilight's older brother.” Flash squinted. “Shining is her older brother here too, right?”
“That is correct.”
“And he's a Prince?” Flash bore a goofy grin.
“By proxy of being wed to his charming wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, the Alicorn of Love.”
Flash did a double-take. “You mean Shining Armor is going to marry Dean Cadance of Crystal Prep?”
“... … ...” Rarity blinked. “I beg your pardon?”
“Nothing. I think I'm just... experiencing trans-dimensional jetlag.” He rubbed his head. “Yeesh... I wonder if this means I become a security guard...” His pupils shrank. “...at Cadance's gated community or something...”
Rarity laughed daintily. “Perhaps I said too much.”
“No. No, it's... nice listening to someone who's used to this crazy magical place. It helps me relax.”
“Mmmmmm...” Rarity nodded. “For a 'teenager,' I think you are mature for your age, Mister Flash.” A friendly wink. “Quite fitting, considering the feats of your familiar in this world.”
“This world's Flash Sentry has done some nifty things, huh?”
“Oh. Quite a bit. Shining Armor fills our ears with his accomplishments whenever he visits. He's quite proud of his protege.” Rarity smiled. “Would you like to hear more about him? Your double, that is?”
“Heck, why not?” Flash stood closer to her. “Could help me plan things out on my side.”
“Very well then. Would you do me a favor, first?”
“Sure thing, ma'am.”
Rarity levitated the frilly pink blouse closer to him. “Would you mind trying this on? I can't tell if the sleeve is on right and I'm dying for a model.”
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Flash sweated visibly.
Rarity laughed, floating the blouse back to her. “I'm joking, of course, darling.” She resumed sewing. “I would never ever put a dashing gent through something like that. Unrequested, of course.”
“Well, good.” Flash breathed with relief. “Because I think I'd rather jump back into the Diamond Dogs' den.”
“Wow...” Flash Sentry leaned back, his tail limp and his eyes wide. “...are you telling me that Equestria's Flash Sentry was single-hoofedly responsible for the salvation of the entire Elephant Seal Clan?”
“Yes.” Rarity nodded with an elegant smile. “Yes, that is most true.”
“And he actually used the methods you just described in exact detail to rescue and protect every single one of them?”
“A lady does not lie to a dashing gent such as yourself, good sir.”
“Wow...” Flash bore a dumb smile. “That's unbelievably awesome!” He bore an even dumber smile. “That's like the most amazing tale I've ever heard!”
“Isn't it, though?”
“Oh, how I wish other ponies could have heard the tale I just heard!” Flash drawled. “How I wish everypony could hear it!”
“Mrmmmffff...” Trixie trotted up, munching on peanut butter. “Hear what?” She swallowed.
Flash looked at her. “Did you know that my doppelganger in this world single-hoofedly saved an entire clan of northern dwellers by—”
“Yeah yeah. Horse adventures. Crazy stuff.” Trixie looked at Rarity with a dull gaze. “When does Trixie and her trot buddy get out of here?”
Rarity held a hoof over her chest. “You're asking me? I'm afraid I'm not the one keeping tabs of the situation, darling. I'm waiting on the Princess just as much as you and the rest of your friends!”
“But since you're this world's Rarity, Trixie figured you would know.”
Flash squinted at her. “How'd you realize this was Equestria's Rarity?”
“She's floofier than the one we know.”
“Mmmmm... quite...” Rarity brushed her fuzzy chest, smiling with pride. “Glad you noticed.”
“How's the peanut butter?” Flash asked.
“I dunno.” Trixie glared. “How's rock'n'roll?”
Flash nodded off to the walls. “Touche.”
“Hey... uhm...” Lyra Heartstrings waved her hoof at Pinkie Pie and Spike from beyond the banquet table. “...not to sound impatient or nothing, because we really really enjoy the food and the hospitality and stuff...”
“Is there a chance that we'll be heading home soon?” Derpy Hooves asked, sad eyes rolling. “I really wanna get in contact with my family again.”
“Don't you worry your once-simian heads about it!” Pinkie Pie grinned back. “Should be anytime now—!” Just then, her left hind leg started vibrating. “Whoahhh-oahhh-oahhh—!” She cupped her front fetlocks over her muzzle. “Brace yourselves, everypony!”
FLASSSSH!!!
A pastel unicorn materialized in mid-air. Gravity took over, and she landed loudly in the center of the banquet table, causing a loud clatter.
Humans-turned-ponies jumped back in fright.
“Whoah there... heheh... sorry folks!” A mare straightened her violet-streaked mane and smiled down at the group with a blush. “Who put this table here?”
“My B, Starlight Glimmer!” Pinkie Pie chirped back. “Just giving the guests something to belch about!”
“Yeah, well, would you mind moving it? I need room to create an entry portal for—Oooh! Peanut butter!”
“Ahem...” Spike waddled up to the scene, rolling up invisible sleeves. “Allow me.”
“Caterers and dragons first!” Pinkie Pie hopped in to help.
“Excuse me...” Rarity daintily cleared her throat, floated her knitted blouse to the side, and trotted gaily towards the center of the corridor. Her horn was glowing as she assisted with moving the table. “Seems prime time for me to be of use.” She waved with her tale. “A pleasure talking to you, Mister Flash.”
“Same to you, milady.” Flash smirked at himself. “Heh, I wonder,” he muttered aside to his trot buddy. “Can horses wear fedoras?”
There was no response.
Within half a minute, the banquet table was pushed to the wall. The so-called “Starlight Glimmer” levitated a small satchel by her side. She emptied its contents—a glittery pile of manadust—across the room in the shape of a round sigil. This required her to walk around at length, meanwhile Spike and Rarity and Pinkie Pie ushered the group apart to make room.
“Mrmmmfff...” Starlight munched on an errant sample of peanut butter treats. “...I'll make this short.” She narrowed her eyes on the floor as she laid down more lines of shiny dust. “The Princess has figured out a spell to teleport everyone at one time. But it requires a two-sided rune system in order to fast-track the leylines for mana transference. Once I've got this set up, I'll have you—Spike—send Twilight a message and then she and Sunset will initiate the spell on their end. I'll monitor the rune on this end and—KABOOM!—transport complete!”
She winced, then chuckled in mid-stride.
“Okay... maybe not so much 'KABOOM,' cuz that heavily implies that the transported individuals will explode upon arrival here at the Castle. Which they won't. However, to the un-initiated, the thunder and noise caused by their arrival might resemble an explosion... or something cacophonous enough in that department. In other words, it's gonna be loud. And windy. But that's good! That'll mean the spell is working without a single hitch—”
Starlight bumped into a blue hoof.
She looked up.
Trixie was staring straight at her. Eyes wide. Dead still.
Flash glanced at Trixie—then did a double-take. His brow furrowed, for he hadn't seen the mare resemble a statue like this before.
“Uhhhhhhhh... hi there...” Starlight Glimmer spoke. Her eyes darted between Trixie and the floor and the rune she was making. “...uhm... I'm sorry... but... uh...” Her eyes narrowed. “I'm going to have to ask you to move.”
“Move.” Trixie blinked. “Right.”
More silence.
Flash fidgeted.
“Oh! Uhm... where are my manners?” Starlight stood up straight, cleared her throat, and spoke to the rest of the crowd. “My name is Starlight Glimmer! Head Administrator for the School of Friendship here in Ponyville and former pupil of Princess Twilight Sparkle! Heheheh...” She blew out the side of her muzzle. “I still think something short and simple as 'Ponyville Court Wizard' would work, but... meh...”
“Trixie is Trixie.” Trixie said, her eyes still wide.
Starlight blinked at her. “I... yeah...” A slow nodded. “...I sorta figured you were the other world's Trixie.”
“Then you know of Trixie,” the mare blurted. Her breaths were short. Stiff. Like her body.
“I... guess... in a way I do! We're friends on this side!” Starlight slowly raised a hoof amidst the ensuing silence. “Hello carbon copy of my friend who is actually a primate creature on the other side!”
More silence.
“... … ...uhm...” Starlight smiled through a thin layer of sweat. “...I-I'm going to need to finish laying down this rune, now,” she said in a whispery tone. She cleared her throat and leaned in closer to hiss: “Which means you kinda sorta have to move, please...”
“Trixie can move.” Trixie gulped. “Trixie has lots of moves.”
“Oh... uhhhh... I... I-I'm sure...!”
Flash looked at Trixie, then at Starlight, then at Trixie again. “Ahem...” He moved between the two, grasped his trot buddy's withers, and slowwwwwwly slid her aside. “Herrrrre you go.”
“Thank you, Caramel,” Starlight said.
“Actually, I'm Flash. Flash Sentry.”
“Sure you are.” Starlight finished laying out the rune. “Okay. Aaaaaaaaand... done!” She brushed off her fetlocks. “Spike? If you could be so kind as to send that message now?”
“Already on it, Captain!”
“Stand back everybody!” Starlight licked her lips and began glowing her horn. “Once the Princess and Sunset gets the signal, this will only take a sec...”
Meanwhile...
...Flash ushered himself and Trixie to a safe distance.
“Yeah. So I heard.” Flash rubbed his scalp, then squinted at Trixie. “Are you... okay there, Trix?”
“Have you ever seen a woman like that before?”
“Well, technically, she's not a woman. She's a unicorn.”
“Unicorrrrrrrrrrrn...” Trixie hadn't blinked in a long time now. Her eyes reflected a swooshy, violet-streaked mane. “Trixie is a unicorn.”
“I mean, right now you are.” Flash opened his muzzle... but lingered in place. He gazed at Starlight, then at Trixie again. His eyes narrowed. “Say, Trixie, do you want more of those peanut butter treats?”
“Mmmmmmm...” Trixie gulped, her ears twitching as she stared and... stared. “In a minute.”
Flash exhaled hard. “Hoo boy.” He waved his hoof in front of her face a few times. When there was no response, he merely smirked and stood by her side—awaiting the “magic show.”
“Whew-wee...” Applejack fumbled around for a few seconds to pick her hat back up. “That fancy magic pony was sure right about one thang...” She shook her mane straight and slapped the stetson back into place. “It really was like a thunderclap.”
“Indoors too.” Fluttershy rubbed her fuzzy ears, wincing. “Sounded like a freight train.”
“What matters is that it worked!” Rainbow Dash pointed from where she hovered beside her human-turned-pony-pals. “Look!”
Sure enough, a large portal had opened. The interior of the crystalline hallway had filled with the scent of grass and fresh pine. In pairs—trot buddies aplenty—the entire crew and complement of the cruise ship trotted through the magical gateway, entering the castle proper. A setting sun glinted off their coats and manes. They looked weary, tired, and more than a little bit confused. However—as they trotted from grass to polished floor—their expressions lit up with a renewed sense of wonder. Excitement rumbled through the group, even as Sunset Shimmer, Princess Twilight, and Starlight Glimmer could be seen ushering them carefully into the palatial interior.
“That's it... that's it...” Starlight Glimmer motioned with a hoof, all the while her horn glowed in maintaining the open portal. “...stay with your trot buddy! Keep close! Fill up all empty spaces in the hallway and await instructions!”
“Heh...” Flash Sentry smirked aside at Trixie. “Are we in Equestria or a line queue at Disney?”
Trixie was silent, her saucer-eyes stuck on the glowing sorceress.
“Oh. Right.” Flash cleared his throat and looked at the ponies proceeding through the fluctuating portal. “Hey!” He waved. “Thunderbass! Sandalwood!”
“Yo, Flash!” Stallions waved back, smiling awkwardly as they proceeded past him. “This is... uh... some crazy stuff, huh?”
“Perfectly harmless! I promise you!” Flash waved back. “We'll be home in a snap! Just you wait!”
“We've waited long enough, dude!” said one stallion.
“Yeah!” chimed in the other. “We almost envy you for going on ahead!”
“Not after you hear what I've been through!”
“Oh yeah?”
They were passing by at this point, so Flash waved them off.
“I'll tell you later!” He smirked, then turned to face the portal again. “Dogs and ponies, living in harmony,” he muttered to himself. “Pandemonium.”
More familiar faces shuffled through the portal. Octavia Melody. Microchips. Ms. Victoria and her daughter. Vinyl Scratch. Bon Bon—the latter of whom made a bee-line for Lyra and embraced her as... well as two horse women could embrace each other.
“Oh gosh! I couldn't stand another minute without my best bestie at my siiiide!” Bon Bon caterwauled.
“Well, one of us had to go scouting ahead to make sure it was safe!”
“I know! And I'm so proud of you, Lyraaaaaaa!”
“Heeheee—I love how you say my name!”
“I love how you love how I say your name!”
“Heeheeheeeee!”
Before long, the entirety of the two-hundred-and-twenty-two individuals were safely positioned under the roof of the castle. The corridor echoed with chatter and excitement. Princess Twilight and Sunset Shimmer walked in at the tail end of the group. But they still kept the portal open, waiting to do a headcount of everyone present. Rainbow Dash flew by—Flash could no longer tell if it was their Rainbow Dash or Equestria's—and soon Flash found himself raising his hoof for roll call.
“Present...!”
Dead silence.
Flash squinted aside, then whipped Trixie lightly with his tail.
“Oh! Trixie is single!” Her eyes crossed. “Present! Trixie is present!”
“... … ...” Rainbow squinted at the group, shrugged, then moved on to check on the next pair of trot buddies.
Trixie shuddered, her eartips noticeably red.
Flash glanced at them, then at her directly. “You hanging in there just fine, Gladys?”
“Trixie is most assuredly hanging fine.”
“Some of you is.” Flash cocked his head to the side. “The rest of you is floating towards the ceiling along with a bunch of cartoon hearts.”
Her everything deflated into an exasperated sigh. “... … ...is it that obvious?”
“Don't worry. I think the only person who's been staring at anything for the past ten minutes has been you.”
“What's to worry about?” Trixie stood prim and proper. “Everything is just fine! Nothing out of the ordinary! Why would you even question Trixie about anything?”
“It's not like I'm questioning...” Flash shrugged. “I just never put it together that you were into—”
Trixie flashed him an angry dagger of a glare.
“—oooooooooooooo unicorns!” Flash pressed a hoof to his muzzle, smiling innocently. “Of the magical variety! Eheh...”
“Hrmmmff...” Trixie tilted her nose up. “It's none of your business.”
He gulped, nodding. “Fair enough.”
“Trixie is... … ...into professionalism.”
“Right.”
“Skill.”
“Sure.”
“Panache.”
“Fitting.”
“... … ...” Trixie sighed dreamily beyond the borders of a whimper. “And pretty... pretty eyes...”
Flash limply nodded. “I can get behind that, yeah.”
“Her name is Starlight Glimmer...”
“Yeah. Sounds fancy.”
“It's stupid,” Trixie muttered. “The name of a cartoon hobby horse.”
“Uh...”
“But... so... so very pretty-sounding to Trixie,” the mare cooed.
“Ah. But of course.”
“Have you ever seen eyes like that on a person? Much less a horse?”
“I... uh...” Flash squinted. He rubbed his chin as he studied the sorceress from afar. Starlight's horn was glowing as Sunset and Rainbow Dash finished up making the headcount. “Come to think of it...”
“What?!?” Trixie flashed him a desperate look. “'Come to think of it' what?!?!?”
He leaned away from her slightly. “Nothing. Just that... there's something slightly familiar about her...”
“Familiar how?”
“In our world—”
Trixie nearly swung into him, eyes wide. “You're telling Trixie there's a her on my side? Er... our side?”
“Let me finish!” He waved a hoof. “A few months back—just before Camp Everfree—there was some magical mishap at the local mall.” His brow furrowed in thought. “Something to do with a magic looking-glass, Sunset told me. Anyways, some crazy girl got a bunch of evil magic and... turned hella huge. Began wrecking the place. Sunset and the gang talked her down from the transformation, but not without a little help from someone who came out of nowhere to help them.”
“Yeah, and...?”
Flash pointed. “Her hair looked a lot like that pony's mane. And—for what it's worth—same eyes too.”
“So... there is a woman...” Trixie murmured.
Flash shrugged. “For all I know, it could be the same pony we're staring at! You're seeing how well she's working with Sunset Shimmer right now... like she and Sunset and the Princess gel together. Maybe she visited us once.”
“Well, there's only one way to find out,” Trixie said.
“For sure!” Flash smirked. “You can go ask her!”
“No.” Trixie stomped her hoof. “You are going to ask her.”
“Aaaaaaaaaaand...” Starlight Glimmer's horn pulsed. Within seconds, the portal to the Everfree Forest swallowed itself shut like a dissolving puddle. “...that's a wrap!” She blew up at her smoking forehead, smiling to finish a job well done. “Nothing like a good leyline flex to make up for a full day of filling out student progress reports.”
She turned around...
...and nearly bumped into a blue-mane'd pegasus stallion trotting towards her.
“Oh! Hello!” Starlight smiled. “I hope you enjoyed the trip to the Castle without too many teleportation bumps.”
“Actually, uhhhhhh...” Flash Sentry rubbed the back of his neck. “I was already here.”
“Scouting party member, huh...?” Starlight leaned in, eyes squinting. “Wait a sec...”
Flash leaned back, blinking nervously.
“Heh... heheheh...” The sorceress stood straight and tossed her mane. “Talk about uncanny! I was just half-a-second away from asking you what Sunburst has been up to.”
“Sunburst...?”
“Court wizard of the Crystal Empire,” Starlight explained. “And a longggggggggggg-time friend of mine.”
Flash cleared his throat. “I'm afraid I don't know him.”
“Yeah, well your pony version does. Flash? Flash Sentry?” Starlight Glimmer held out a hoof. “That's your name, right?”
He bumped his fetlock casually with hers. “Yes. So I guess you've heard of me. Well... the other me.”
“Can't help it.” Starlight shrugged. “He's kind of a living legend around northern Equestria.” A side chuckle. “When he's not failing to steal Prince Shining Armor's thunder, of course.”
“Of c-course.”
“Oh... n-not that you aren't awesome yourself!” Starlight blushed slightly. “I'm sure you're really famous back in the human world... doing... … …?”
“Let's say I shred more guitars than windigoes,” Flash said.
“Hah! You're barely here for a fortnight and you're already learning Equestrian terminology! Way to go.”
“Yeah, well, Rarity gave me an earful.”
“Awwwwwww... she shouldn't have done that.”
“Why not? I'm happy for my other self.”
“You should be happier for your main self.” Starlight winked. “Sunset Shimmer said that the scouting party went through a bumpy ride. You came out right-side up. You should be proud.”
Flash shrugged. “Just had the right ponies around at the right time to catch me.”
“That's what ponies do.” Starlight cleared her throat. “I'm Starlight Glimmer, by the way.”
“Yeah, I gathered.” Flash took a deep breath and made to gesture at a fuzzy blue figure hiding behind a crystalline pillar. “I was wondering if you'd—”
“Something about your mane, though...” Starlight tapped her own nose in concentrated thought. Her brow remained furrowed. “There's a familiar shine to it.”
“Maaaaaaaybe... you saw me on the other side?”
“... … ...” Starlight blinked like a deer in headlights. “H-how did you know that I was on the other side?” A wince. “I-I mean... it's totally unbecoming of the Friendship School's headmistress to ever even think about venturing to the other side, heheheheh...”
“No. For realsies.” Flash smirked. “You helped out Sunset and the rest of the girls take on some oversized freak named Jetforce Gemini.”
“Juniper Montage,” Starlight corrected. She waved a hoof: “And she wasn't a freak—just a misguided human momentarily corrupted by evil magic.”
He nodded. “Fair. Uhm...” He gestured. “Still, they're all alive and well now thanks to you.”
“Hey...” Starlight shrugged. “I did what I could. It's touching how much you care about them.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Is that what you came here to do? To thank me for some crazy cross-dimensional adventure that happened months ago?”
“Actually... uhhhhhh...” Flash shifted where he stood. He cleared his throat and struggled to speak above the commotion all around them. “I was wondering if I could... erm... introduce you to—”
"Your Trixie, right?”
Flash blinked. “Hmmm?” He smacked his own scalp. "Oh right. You just bumped into each other. Heheh..." His ears sagged. "Man, if my life was written by someone it'd be a drunk, lazy author—"
"Why is she hiding behind a pillar like it's Hide'n'Seek at Magic Kindergarten?"
"Magic Kindergarten?" Flash snapped out of it. "Er. I dunno. I guess she's just being..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "...extra fuzzy."
"Trixie is never all that good at her disappearing act." Starlight winked. "But don't tell her I said that."
“Awwwwww! You're shyer than my Trixie!” Starlight gave a friendly wave. “I suppose that would only make sense. You haven't gone through a traumatic and heroically character-building ordeal with a murderous changeling queen and her hive of drones.” A blink. “At least... they don't have that in the human world, do they?”
“Uhm...” Trixie blushed. “Uhhhhhhhhhhm...” Trixie blushed some more. “... … ...Trixie once h-had her tonsils removed.”
“Really? Tonsils?” Starlight squinted. “Sounds like a human anatomy thing. You should tell me all about it.”
“Trixie sh-should?”
“Yes! Hah!” Starlight Glimmer smirked, leaning in to wrap a forelimb around the shivering mare. “You see, my Trixie and I have had this longstanding bet that one would meet her mirror-version before the other. I think the pool's risen just past one hundred bits. Ohhhhhhh... I can't wait to shove this right in her muzzle!” Starlight tapped the mare's fuzzy chest. “You'd better tell me all about yourself!”
“Hahahah... yes... Trixie should...!” As the two passed by Flash, Trixie hissed quietly his way: “Trixie will kill you later for this...”
“You're welcome,” Flash said, tongue sticking out, and allowed the two some space.
"In exchange, I'll tell you how this world's Spike got his wings!" Starlight could be heard saying. "Then lost them! Then got them back again!"
“Alright, alright everybody!” Spike's voice could be heard echoing down the busy, bustling chamber. “Some of us are here from two worlds! So why don't we keep things simple, shall we?” He flung his claws in one direction. “Ponies from Equestria on this side of the banquet tables...” He flung his claws in the other direction. “Strange upright clothed monkeys from non-Equestria on this side of the banquet table. You'll see there's more room there cuz there's more of you.”
“Awwww shucks, Spike...” Applejack trotted up to him, adjusting her hat. “They done counted roll call about a gazillion times! Reckon if anythang gets more confusin', Sunset and the Princess will sort it all out by the end!” She winked and waved a hoof. “Why not just let 'em mingle for a bit?”
Spike squinted suspiciously at the farm mare. “How do I know that you're the real Applejack?”
“Don'tcha mean the Equestrian Applejack?”
“That too!”
“Well, I ain't the upright monkey Applejack!”
“How do I know you're not making a practical joke?”
The mare's green eyes squinted back. “Do ya remember who yer talkin' to?”
“I've been to the human world. It's a silly, rambunctious place. Even by Element of Honesty standards.”
Just then, an identical blonde freckle pony trotted briskly by. “Howdy, Spike! Howdy, me!” She smirked aside. “By the way, I think you're a mite cuter than the dog Spike! But dun tell Twilight!”
“... … ...” Spike scratched his spines, then shrugged at the eye-rolling farm pony at his side. “Y'know, to be fair, until I was five winters old I thought you ponies all looked alike.”
Flash Sentry smirked. He turned around to brave a visit to the banquet table, when—
“How are you doing there, Flash?” Sunset Shimmer asked.
“Whoah—!” The teenage pegasus jumped back, chuckling breathily. “Hey there, Sunset! Uhm... you are my world's Sunset, right?”
“... … ...”
Flash winced. He smacked himself in the head. “Right. I forgot...”
“Don't hit yourself,” she insisted. “Everything is...” She bore a wry grin, glancing off at the bustling lengths of the room. “...very, very complicated at the moment.”
“Don't I know it.” Flash gulped. “I've been standing back and just watching and still it all gives me a headache.”
“Is that all you've got?” Sunset asked. “A headache?”
“Maybe?” Flash blinked curiously at her. “Why?”
Sunset bit her lip. She toed the ground with a humble hoof. “I've... … ...not been very good at my usual empathy lately.”
“Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.”
“No. For real, though. I've been a real butt as of late.” She rolled her eyes towards the far end of the room. “I'm supposed to be a heartfelt, inspiring leader and still I somehow let ponies like Trixie get to me.”
“That's perfectly okay.” Flash smirked. “If the Pope was trotting along with us, Trixie would get to him too. Cuz she's Trixie.”
“I shouldn't even be trying to use her as an excuse.” Sunset sighed. “Flash... Flash...” She gazed at him intently. “I'm... sorry for all the stress I've caused you today.” She gulped hard. “I could have prevented so much trouble from happening if I had just collected my senses more and slowed down some—”
“You've had a lot on your plate, Sunset. You always do.”
“I just hope you have it in yourself to forgive me for—”
“Already done.” Flash smiled at her, winking lightly. “You'd think I'd let one bad day shake my faith in you?”
“... … ...” Sunset exhaled, shrugging a heavy weight off her shoulders. “I don't deserve you, y'know?”
“From the way I see it...” Flash gazed drunkenly across the busy room. “Nobody does.”
“I... I can play chaperone, y'know?” Sunset said quietly.
Flash gave her a curious look. “'Chaperone?'”
“Yes. Just before we escort everyone here to the portal, I can... y'know... have a word with her. Buy you both a few minutes to touch base and—”
“No, Sunset.”
“But—!” She arched an eyebrow. “This is your one opportunity, and don't you want to know what she—”
“I don't want to know what she's said to you since.” Flash solidly shook his head. “And I do not wish to talk to her. Thanks, but no thanks.”
“... … ...”
“I mean her no disrespect,” Flash said. “But... you said it yourself. I have to let go. I don't need to be... humored or placated—especially after the weird stuff that went down today. I'm fine, Sunset... and I have every belief that I'm going to get better.” His jaw set tight. “But that's not gonna happen if I fall back on past dreams. I'm glad for all she's done, and I'll always be... but I am not going to speak to her. Not now, not anytime soon.”
“... … ...”
“Okay...?” Flash asked, his ears perking.
Sunset took a breath. “Okay,” she said quietly. With a sigh—something mixed with more than a bit of melancholy—the mare leaned forward and gave him a soft, friendly nuzzle. “I'm proud of you, Flash. I really am.”
He smiled and patted her withers gently. “That means a lot to me.”
“Yes.” She leaned back with a glossy-eyed smile. “I suppose it does.”
Violet colors flickered in the distance. Sunset was being summoned by the Equestrians-that-be.
“Oh... uh...” Sunset fidgeted in place. “I gotta—”
“Go on ahead.” Flash gestured. “Your hour is upon us.”
“That's every hour at this point,” she said, stifling a groan. “See you at the portal departure, Flash...” She trotted off briskly. “Won't be long now!”
“I'll hold you to that!” he said, waving with his hoof. He leaned back with a smile. And it was around then that he noticed a fuzzy blue shape to his side. “Well, hello there,” he said with a charming grin. “How was your friendly chat with the lovely Miss Glimmer?”
“Starlight Glimmer is many things...” Trixie glared at the stallion. “But who are you to call her 'lovely?'”
“... … ...” Flash blinked. “Uhm...”
“Nice haircut. Where'd you fly in from? The Plain and Boring Convention?” She marche straight past him with her chin turned up. “Hmfff!”
Flash squinted at her. He noticed a starry cape and a wizard's cap adorning her figure.
“And why are so many ponies standing around in Trixie's home?!?” she growled. “... … ...and who's been hogging all of Trixie's peanut butter treats?! Spike?!?!?”
“Little busy right now, Trix—”
“Too busy for the Grrrreat and Powerrrrful Trrrrixie?! Trixie comes back from her magical tour and it's a madhouse! Who invited all these ponies?!?”
As the argument resumed, Flash turned to look in the opposite corner of the room. There he saw an identical—and decidedly happier—Trixie talking with Starlight Glimmer. Starlight levitated a book between them and excitedly pointed at a slew of scrap photos.
“Phweeeeee...” Flash exhaled, then limped off. “I'm having some refreshments, dammit.”
“Wait...” Trixie blinked her wide eyes. “Let Trixie get this straight...” She gawked at Starlight Glimmer. “...your Trixie also uses poof balls?!”
Starlight Glimmer lowered the photo album slightly in her telekinetic grip. “'Poof balls?'”
“Y'know... … ...” Trixie gestured with her hooves. “Small, compact velvety sacks of sand with just a sprinkle of blasting powder...”
“Oh! Those!” Starlight Glimmer nodded. “You toss them very hard against the floor and it creates a veil of sand that can obscure a getaway!”
“Yes! Those! Poof balls!”
“Here, we call them 'escape pellets.'”
Trixie's blue muzzle scrunched. “'Escape pellets?'” She shook her head. “Whatever. Point is—how can the Hoofed and Long-Faced Trixie of this world use them effectively?”
“She tosses them against the ground and makes a run for it!” Starlight winked. “Just like you.”
“But isn't that hard to do without a closed fist to grip and toss the poof b—er... escape pellet?”
“We just use a floating spell,” Starlight said. “The pellets do the rest of the work.”
“Hmmmfff...” Trixie folded her forelimbs. “Trixie doesn't buy it!”
“Well, you're onto something!” Starlight gestured. “There's more to it than just that! You see—here in Equestria—showmares like your double and magicians in general have been using tools like this for ages!”
“It's the same in Trixie's world!”
“Ah—but here, we've had access to Equestria Magic.” Starlight smiled. “Escape pellets have an age-old formula for conjuring smoke from inert dust.”
“Hmmmmmm...” Trixie rubbed her chin. “'Conjuring,' you say...”
“If properly enchanted, they can last a long time! They even have this really pretty glow to them. Wait right here! I'll show you!” Starlight held her breath. Her horn strobed. And—
FLASSSSH!
The mare vanished, leaving behind a gently settling curtain of glimmering dust.
“Kaff! Koff!” Trixie waved the air before her and frowned. “Oh come on—you don't need to show off like that!” She planted all four hooves on the ground, frowning. “That's the third time she's done that...”
“Kinda defeats the purpose of having an escape flash thingy if you can just teleport away like that,” Flash Sentry said. He took occasional, casual munches of an apple balanced on his unfolded left wing. “Mrmmmffff... don'tcha think?”
Trixie squinted at him. “Miss Glimmer is a god tier wizard of the Royal Order here in Equestria. I wouldn't question her methods with the perspective of a simple contrarian, if I were you.”
“Oh yeah...?” Flash took another bite, swallowed, and smirked. “What's she smell like?”
“Ohh...” Trixie's eyes glittered as she stared off across the bustling corridor. “Roses in bloom... with morning dew—” She swiftly snapped out of it with a snarl. “Hey! Cut that out! That's not important!”
“Heheh...” Flash took another bite from an apple. “If it's... mrmmfff... not important.” He gulped. “...how come you answered so quickly?”
Trixie pointed at her snout. “Horse nostrils! It's inescapable! What do you want from me?”
“Nothing.” Flash gestured at the space Starlight was just occupying. “So, is she teaching you the ways of horse David Copperfield or what?”
“She's simply cluing me into some of the methods employed by this world's Trixie,” Flash's trot buddy explained. “I consider this an exercise in fact-finding. Nothing more. Besides... I'm really just learning more about the other Trixie. That's it.”
“I gotcha.” Flash nodded and gave the apple one last bite. After swallowing, he asked: “So are her eyes that snazzy up close or—?”
“Ohhh...” Trixie purred, her tail flicking like a sensual snake. “...like shiny gems at the bottom of a hidden cave pool.”
“Ayyyyyyyyyy!”
“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” Trixie stomped all four hooves and growled at the stallion. “For the last time, stop doing that or Trixie will set things on fire—!”
FLAAASH!
“Found 'em!” Starlight chirped, reappearing with a small tray hovering before her.
Trixie spun around, eyes round and glossy. “Miss Glimmer! You return~!”
Flash rolled his eyes.
“Sorry it took so long.” Starlight opened the tray, revealing several triangular pouches glowing with orange and purple strobes. “See that? These were last enchanted five months ago... and still they retain their enchantment!”
“Oooooooooh...” Trixie leaned in, ears folding back. “Sparkly!”
“They look like tiny space quesadillas,” Flash Sentry said.
“Oh, hello again, you!” Starlight smiled up at him while floating the tray. “And careful with the 'q' word.” She whispered aside. “A certain princess has a phobia...”
“... … … Really?”
“It's almost as if...” Trixie raised her hoof like a cat's paw to tap one of the glowing pellets. “...they're humming.”
“Uh uh uh...!” Starlight floated the tray around with her. “Touch with your eyes only! I'm not allowed to let our current guests mess with our enchanted objects. Plus, I'm pretty sure Twilight would give me a night's worth of a stern lecture. Oh... and Trixie would kill me. My Trixie, I mean.”
“What, you got those from her room?” Flash asked.
“Mmmmmmm...” Starlight blushed slightly, but nevertheless smiled. “Guilty as charged. But it's only in revenge.”
“Revenge?”
“Yyyyyyyyeah...” Starlight winked. “She goes through my stuff all the time. I'd say it's only fitting.”
“Wow.” Flash swiveled his head to smirk at Trixie. “It sounds like the two of you are really close.”
Trixie made to stick her tongue out at him, but suavely turned it into an angelic smile once she found Starlight looking at her.
“I bet if we compared notes, you could make your own Equestrian style escape pellets back in your world.”
“But...” Trixie blinked. “...how can Trixie do that without Equestrian magic?”
“From... what I know about your dimension,” Starlight said. “It's not exactly gonna be starving of magic for long.”
Flash blinked. “Is there something we should all be prepared for...?”
“I dunno. Sunset Shimmer's the expert on that, I guess.” Starlight floated the tray closer to herself, stifling the purple and orange glow of the pellets. “But—I don't think it's that huge of a secret: magic is increasing in your world at an exponential rate. I mean... why else are you guys all here?”
Flash nodded. “You make a good point. How scared should we be?”
“With Sunset Shimmer and her fellow geode-bearers looking after things, I'd say you're in the right hooves—er... hands. Eheh. Sorry.” Starlight looked at her own fetlocks. “And I even had them for a short time!”
“Trixie wishes she could wield Equestrian magic like the others,” Trixie muttered.
“Well, if you should ever... I dunno... discover your own geode or something someday, I'll be sure to give you some pointers!” Starlight said.
“Really?” Trixie's tail wagged. “You'd help Trixie?”
“Sure! I'll get the Princess to enchant a fresh new journal! We could write to each other and stuff! Make notes!”
Trixie's tail wagged even more. “Really?!?!”
“Heh... if only so I can rub it in my Trixie's face.” Starlight winked at Flash. “I'd kill to make a trick or two that even she can't figure out.”
Flash blinked. “You ponies can be really devious...”
Starlight tapped her own nose. “Only the cool ones.”
“Starlight!” Spike could be heard hollering from down the corridor. “Sunset and Twilight need you! Time to get this show on the road!”
“Oh shoot!” Starlight danced in place, then impulsively laid the tray down onto a nearby table. “That's my cue! Uhm... that-world-Trixie! Keep in touch with Sunset! I meant what I said about the journal thingy! We'll set it up!” She galloped off. “Right now, I gotta get you guys home!”
“Well, how about that?” Flash juggled the apple core from one wing to another. He smirked towards the gathering crowd. “You scored yourself a friendly pen pal in the span of half-an-hour! I don't think I've ever been that lucky even when I tried!”
Silence.
“Trixie?” Flash asked, glancing over her shoulder. “Yo, you there? The dreamboat has cast off...”
“Uh huh.” Trixie fluffed her mane. “Sure.” She fluffed her mane again.
Flash squinted at her.
“Uhmmmmm...” Trixie stood up straight, smiling innocent... with a noticeable sheen of sweat. “... … ...what were we talking about?”
Flash opened his muzzle to say something—
“Okay everybody!” Sunset Shimmer's voice echoed down the bustling chamber. “Now's the time! Get with your trot buddy! Form two lines! And follow me into the north wing of the Castle!”
“Well then...” Flash trotted along with Trixie towards the far end of the interior. “...zoop!”
Two by two, the denizens of Flash's world proceeded down the long crystalline hallway, headed towards their destination. The teenage stallion could see an open door to a large chamber at the far end. There was a slight flicker of light—which Flash could only assume was from the portal that would lead them home.
In any other circumstance, Flash mused, he would probably find this current situation decidedly eerie. It was very dreamlike, watching the procession of colorful equines ahead of him marching in firm lines towards a creepily-lit room inside a megalophobia-inducing castle interior. Even seeing his own hooves beneath him and feeling the feathery coil of his wing muscles induced more melancholy than despair. He was minutes away from leaving this whole ordeal behind him, and yet he felt sad that it was all going to dissolve in a matter of moments.
The last two days were spent as an other-worldly horse thing, and yet Flash could have been more terrified by it. He should have been more terrified by it. The first thought that rippled through his head is that he should be thanking Sunset Shimmer for pacifying the entire situation—her and her closest friends who supported her brave act as Equestrian chaperon. But Flash it wasn't quite that simple anymore...
Out the corner of his eye, he detected blue limbs. A fuzzy complexion. Silk white mane hair. And an upturned muzzle that belonged to the most adorable asshole in the universe.
The last forty-eight hours should have been nothing but confusion, uncertainty, pain, ache, and aggravation. But instead—for Flash—the last forty-eight hours were Trixie. Trixie and her prissiness, Trixie and her boasting, Trixie and her insensitivity, Trixie and her ramblings...
There were times when he wanted to piledrive her. Many occasions, he hoped against hope over switching trot buddies. He'd even been offered it by the powers that be—but he kept steady.
Because Trixie being Flash's forty-eight hours meant keeping sane in the end, and perhaps even more than that.
He glanced aside. He observed her haughty, stately walk—a charade that he had gradually understood how to see through. The traces of a rosy blush hung on her features, no doubt residue from her brush with a very attractive sorceress. Both of their bodies were about to transform into something blissfully familiar, and yet all Flash could think about was if she'd arrive home safely and get to eat peanut butter crackers in comfort and have a good night's sleep...
...and maybe—just maybe, Flash figured—friendship shared many of the same colors of love... without having to cross over some forbidden, unnecessarily pompous river. And if something so simple, basic, and pure could share those very same hues, then perhaps he had been painting the wrong picture all this time.
There was a lot in life to be happy for. Flash had a lot of things to be happy for. What he was missing—what he was starved of—was largely in his mind... if he had such regular access to so much joy around him at any given time.
People had been around to show him. Sunset—for one—attempted to open his eyes on many... many an occasion. He still had been too dumb to see it... too self-deprecating to embrace it.
It wasn't particularly Sunset Shimmer's fault. Her approach was that of “tough love,” after all, but it was necessary in its delivery. The execution of a fine lesson—however—had been far from perfect, until now... when Flash had to grind through the sheer fabric of discomfort. All this time, perhaps, he had been avoiding truly challenging things, mildly satisfied to exist within the bubble of his own comfortable sadness.
But anger, joy, annoyance, concern—these were all very strange muscles to flex, and yet Flash endured an absolute workout over the past forty-eight hours. And now that the sweat was still fresh and clinging, he couldn't imagine returning home any other way. In another reality, there was a loathsome teenage guitarist sitting stranded on the beach and staring at a sinking cruise ship, and Flash was mortified to think that such a doppelganger would never see the light.
All in all, Flash had only one person—or pony—to thank for all of this. And it killed him to know that it'd just be swallowed up in some two-dimensional purr of a quirky on-stage braggart. But perhaps—in consideration of the pros and cons of all sentient voids—that was the best kind of wall for him to throw his feelings against. In the end, he was alone with himself... his slightly new and slightly more alive self.
And that was something he was happy to live with.
“Soooooo...” Flash finally spoke aloud in mid-trot. The doorframe to the chamber was slowly approaching, and there'd be little to no time left for being a pony. “...what's the first thing you're going to do once you're human again?”
“Guh!” Trixie exhaled in a huff. “Are you joking?! Trixie is going to take a good long shower, of course! The stink of horse may be good for circuses, but not for Trixie!”
Flash ignored the fact that there was objectively no stink. In fact—as adorable tiny horses—they both smelled better... if not sweeter than they ever had before in their lives.
“Aren't circuses commonly attached to the concept of magic acts?” Flash asked.
“A wickedly stupid stereotype if Trixie ever heard one!” The mare stuck her little tongue out. “I wouldn't expect you to understand, of course...”
“Yeah...” Flash nodded. “Not many rock concerts performed at circuses.”
“Perhaps sap-sack should switch to country or southern rock,” she suggested.
He skipped past her new-ish nickname for him. “Does that mean you'd want me to perform at circuses?”
“No...!” Trixie fidgeted in mid-trot. “...but if Trixie was ever tempted to take up stage at one when it was in town, it would... mmmmff... help m-mitigate the discomfort by having someone like you around to share in the misery...”
Flash smirked lightly. “Be careful. Misery's not a very good thing to base a friendship on.”
“Who said anything about friendship?!?” Trixie barked.
Flash blinked. He felt a cold pit in his chest, and it pulled his ears back so that they folded sadly against his horsehead. He avoided his gaze, trotting with a slight quiver—
“But... erm... Trixie isn't entirely adverse to such a thing,” the mare muttered, and her voice sounded like something between scared and desperate. “She might even brave a circus to... pr-protect it?”
Flash's insides warmed back up instantly. His ears perked as he looked her way. “Don't worry, Trixie.” A courageous wink. “I won't force you to go to any circuses.”
Her ears were perking up as well. “And Trixie won't force sad-sack to play country!”
“Heh... deal.”
Trixie shrugged, returning once more to her haughty stance. “Of course, Trixie might suggest sap-sack try some Irish folk.”
“Alright, so this is the plan!” Sunset Shimmer paced before a tall cylindrical mirror. Its surface resembled a rippling blue pond that reflected a distorted version of the mare whenever she passed close by. “Remain with your trot buddies! You'll be entering through the gate two at once! This will save time and make it so that you're not alone when you arrive on the other end! Once there, please—we kindly ask that you don't run off! Yes, we know that you wish to call your superiors or run to your loved ones, but we need to assemble on the other side and make sure everyone's crossed over before we can disperse! This is for everyone's safety! The portral is perfectly safe, but this is still a lot of people to transport all at once and we need to check thoroughly for every precaution! Now, you've made it this far. You've been immeasurably patient and cooperative. I kindly ask that you all take two more steps for me and then it will all be over!”
Trixie leaned towards Flash as the two stood at the back of the crowd, observing the speech.
“You really think this is all safe?” Trixie hissed. “Or perhaps she's downplaying it so as to diffuse our fears of being ripped apart between dimensions?”
Flash squinted. “Who's afraid of being ripped apart between dimensions? We came to Equestria no problem. Why should this be any different?”
“I mean, it's a magic mirror. An Equestrian magic mirror. How do we know it's one hundred percent mishap-free?”
“Are you expecting a mishap?”
“Oh! No! Trixie isn't!”
“Then what's the problem?”
Trixie huffed. “Just that—when Trixie is performing magic—she checks everything more than twice!” She huffed again. “Trixie knows that this isn't a magic act, but still.”
Flash chuckled. “Why are you acting so fussy all of a sudden?”
Trixie gave no reply. She was holding her breath tight—so tight that her blue cheeks puffed noticeably.
Flash shrugged it off, looking back at Sunset giving her speech.
“...the sensation of passing through may be a bit alarming, but it'll be no different than how it felt to arrive here. That's a promise—from experience! At least you will be prepared this time! Just ride the turbulence out, and you should arrive on the other side of the mirror in less than ten seconds! Easy Peasy!”
The crowd murmured and stomped their hooves in enthusiastic approval.
Sunset Shimmer smiled. “Thank you for being so agreeable. This is—without a doubt—the best group of people I've ever had the pleasure of working with. It's all of you who made this worthwhile... two hundred and twenty-two of the bravest souls either dimensions have ever had the honor of hosting. I would also like to thank Her Majesty, Princess Twilight Sparkle, for making this last step possible.”
The alicorn in question stepped up, flapped her wings, and hovered majestically above the crowd.
“I won't keep you long. Just know that I too am proud, and I personally see you all as honorable Equestrian citizens in my eyes. On behalf of this land, I thank you for your polite conduct, good faith, and inspiring companionship.” A wink, and she gestured a hoof dramatically to the portal. “Now... get the heck out of my Castle before I kick you out!”
The crowd chuckled good-naturedly, loosening up even more. The air of the room was remarkably relaxed and calm for the final step ahead of everyone.
“Rainbow Dash! Twilight!” Sunset called to the two ponies standing beside her. “You've been instrumental in all of this. I have one last request for you two.” She pointed at the portal. “May you please go through first and keep a count on the group arriving through in pairs after you?”
“Aye, Cap'n!” Rainbow saluted, hovering in place with a courageous smirk. “Let's sign the dotted line on this whole mess!”
“I'm right behind you, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight said, glasses rattling as she nodded.
“Very well. Get a move-on, you two.” Sunset said. As the two casually stepped through the portal—vanishing harmlessly beyond—she turned to face the crowd. “Alright! Two by two! Wait thirty seconds after the last pair... then go!” She pointed at two ponies standing nearest to the portal. “Bulk Biceps! Miss Hooves! You're up first!”
“Yaaaaay...”
“YEAHHHH!!!”
Flash took a shuddering breath as the crowd funneled towards the portal. “Can't believe it's all over.”
“It's only been two days, sap-sack.”
“Yeah. But somehow it feels almost like a month.”
“... … ...Trixie agrees that you're not wrong.”
“First thing I'm gonna do is call my folks,” Flash said. “I mean—if supposedly our clothes rematerialize along with our bodies, then shouldn't the stuff we had in our pockets as well?”
“Trixie would hope so. She's not prepared to bare all before the crowd!”
Flash chuckled. “I won't look. I promise.”
“Somehow, Trixie believes you.”
Flash decided to shrug that off.
“So... after Trixie goes home and takes her shower... and sap-sack calls his family... after all that...” Trixie toed at the ground. “... … ...maybe... sometime... someday... one of us could call the other?”
Flash glanced at her.
“Just to touch base with one another, since there's hardly been any time to do anything else...”
“...besides get attacked by manticores.”
“And enslaved by diamond dogs.”
“And saved by Sunset and Bulk Biceps.”
“And hidden by stupid shrubbery.”
“And sequestered inside a magic castle.”
“And forced to eat peanut butter treats.”
Flash snorted—the first to break. “You weren't forced to eat peanut butter treats.” He smirked. “I'm pretty sure you chose to do that on your own volition.”
“Trixie never would have done so if Trixie hadn't been so sorely tempted!”
“And what about all that photo-albuming with pretty eyes? Was that just another temptation?”
“... … …”
Flash sighed, looking up at the portal as more pairs marched through, diminishing the crowd. “I'd be happy to exchange phone numbers so we can catch up, Trixie.”
“It's just the right thing to do,” Trixie muttered. “Being trot buddies and all.”
“Even if we won't be having hooves? Or trotting?”
“So? It's helped Trixie out so far.”
Flash glanced at her, eyebrow raised.
“Wh-what Trixie means is...” She cleared her throat. “It's helped us out so far.”
Flash nodded. “No argument from me.”
“Soooooooooo...” Trixie's ears folded back as she lowered her body like a pensive cat. “...trot buddies?” she squeaked.
Flash nodded with a warm breath. “Trot buddies.”
Trixie giggled, returning upright with the tiniest of hops. “Trot buddies!”
Flash looked back towards the portal. He murmured low under his breath: “God help me.”
Over two hundred people had passed through the portal before Flash Sentry and Trixie Lulamoon... … …
… … ...and finally now...
“Okay...!” Starlight Glimmer smiled as she stood beside Sunset Shimmer and Princess Twilight. “Second to last group!”
“Flash. Trixie.” Sunset nodded. “You've both been amazingly patient. I'm proud of you two—but I won't gush about it now.” She gestured at the portal. “Go on and step in. Applejack and I will follow through.”
“Reckon it only make sense that we be the last pair.” Applejack said. “Besides, I've enjoyed bein' here.” She tilted her hat back. “A world filled with horses just feels like one big ol' farm, ya get me?”
“I'll... be sure to reflect on that, yes,” Flash said. He glanced aside. “Trixie—?”
“Trixie is ready!” The magician barked, sweating suddenly. “Why wouldn't Trixie be ready to go home?! Let's go home!”
Sunset squinted at her.
Flash fidgeted. “Ahem...” He wrapped a hoof around Trixie's shoulder and gently led her to the magic mirror. “...one small step for Trixie...”
“One... b-bigger step for Trixie-kind?” the mare mewled.
“Close enough.” Flash looked over his shoulder at Sunset. “See ya on the other side, Sunny.”
Sunset waved back. A taller, more regal pony beside her also waved. Flash sensed her violet eyes making contact with his face, but he wrenched his gaze off before any sparks could fly.
“Okaaaaaaay...” Flash trotted through the mirror. “Here goes...”
A trembling Trixie fumbled to keep up.
Passing through did nothing at first. Flash felt himself enmeshed in a wild swirl of bright colors. Then—as if with a delayed reaction—he was pulled swiftly forward by a force stronger than gravity. He held his breath and... relaxed—as best as he could. Even as his body stretched and spaghettified, he allowed the magic to run its course.
It only got “freaky” when he felt like his skull was collapsing. There was no pain to it, but he most definitely sensed his entire cranium becoming flatter... rounder. His wings vanished—feathers first—which left a slight trace of melancholy. His limbs noodled out, then restraightened as he took on a bipedal form. During all of this, Flash was vaguely aware of clothes materializing around him—the same outfit he was wearing when he hopped off the sinking cruise ship.
By the time he felt his own normal nose resting in front of his eyes, the teenager had completely relaxed—even as the maelstrom of lights, colors, and sounds swirled to a breaking point around him.
“Trixie!” he shouted in mid swirl. “It's working! We're getting back to normal!”
Somewhere beside him...
...there echoed a cacophony of high-pitched screams.
Blinking with concern, Flash looked to his side.
“Trixie?!”
He sensed a form beside him—a blue form—but she was writhing and twisting within a cloud of menacingly bright light. Energy fluctuated violently between orange and purple, and tiny appendages kicked about as the figure toppled over and over, hollering in Trixie's voice.
“Trixie!!!” Flash shouted. He reached towards her with a human hand...
...just as the two of them were sucked into a blinding white light.
Flash Sentry rolled awkwardly across bare concrete.
“Ooof... guh... augh!” He finally came to a stop against a pair of thick ankles. He winced as Bulk Biceps reached down and hoisted his body up... his fully-clothed, human body. The sensation of being forced to stand upright sent his ape-like head into a dizzy spell. “Phweeeeeeeeeee...”
“Flash!” Lyra Heartstrings could be heard exclaiming from the thickly-gathered crowd of once-ponies. “You came out so violently!”
“Are you okay, darling?” said Rarity.
“What happened to you inside all that portal-ness?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Mrmmff... Trixie...” Flash sputtered, shaking loose from Bulk Biceps' gasp. “Trixie!!” He clutched his bruised shoulder and limped towards the terrestrial-side of the portal. He saw buildings, asphalt, the campus of Canterlot High School—so many familiar urban sights under a setting sun. But no stage magician. “Where's my trot buddy?! Has anypony seen her?”
“No...” Pinkie Pie pointed. “But I see her clothes lying on the ground!” The teenager rubbed her chin. “Why're her clothes so much smaller than normal...”
“And...” Fluttershy grimaced, clutching her hands to her chest. “...are her clothes moving?”
Flash spun to face a patch of fabric on the ground, still trailing magical steam. Sure enough, a living lump was stirring from underneath... accompanied by a familiar trilling sound.
“Trixie!” Flash rushed over... but his footsteps slowed as he approached the body. His jaw hung low. “... … ...Trixie?”
“Guhhhhhhhhh...” The soul in question moaned. “...Trixie's hooves hurt.”
Flash's human nose scrunched. “Your what hurt?”
Just then, a snow-white tail flicked loosed from beneath a starry blue skirt. A fuzzy quadruped the size of a domestic house cat—if not smaller—stood on all fours, shaking its blue snout and teetering from side to side.
“Trixie... needs a barf bag...” the unicorn whimpered, stumbling one step too many.
“Httt!” Flash reached down and caught her. He scooped her up—a comically easy thing to do—seeing as all of her weighed barely more than a phone book. He stood up tall before the shocked gaze of everyone around them, cradling a little blue pony in a little blue ensemble of a little blue Trixie's clothes. “Uhm...”
“Sap-sack...” Trixie squinted up at him with her little pony eyes. “...why are you so big all of a sudden...?”
“I... I don't understand...” Flash looked at the portal—which was rippling no more or less than normal. “...did something bad happen to the portal? Why didn't it spit you out as a human?”
“Don't be silly.” Trixie made to point at him. “Trixie is human—” Her pupils shrank at the sight of her fuzzy fetlock sliding out from under her hoodie's long sleeve. “Meep!”
“The frick just happened?!” Rainbow Dash's voice cracked. The athlete shrugged dramatically. “Did the portal malfunction or something?!”
“It couldn't have done so on its own.” Twlight Sparkle adjusted her glasses with a slight frown as she said: “The only possible explanation is some sort of magical, enchanted contaminant messing with the transformation process.”
...but was soon interrupted by two glowing objects falling from Trixie's unicorn body. Both he and his trot buddy looked down. Rattling to a stop between Flash's feet were a pair of triangular satchels—strobing purple and orange like magic quesadillas.
“Whoopsies...!” Trixie giggled nervously. “H-how did those get there...?”
Flash took a deep, calm, meditative breath... then frowned viciously at the fuzzy unicorn he was cradling in his arms. “Trixxxxxie...” His eyes glared daggers. “Did you smuggle some of Starlight Glimmer's 'escape pellets' in your pocket?”
“Egads, no! Who do you think Trixie is?” She curled her forelimbs before her hoodie, tail flicking with momentary pride. “Trixie hid them in her mane. A magician always knows how to improvise.” She smiled and winked. “Wwwwwink!”
Flash would have face-palmed... if only it didn't mean dropping the little pony in his arms.
Just then, behind them both...
...Sunset Shimmer and Applejack stepped through the mirror.
“Aaaannnd... that's a wrap, folks!” Sunset Shimmer did a victorious little twirl and held her arms out towards the darkening sky. “Woohoo! Now, let's do one final headcount and we'll be on our way—” She froze in place, eyes blinking wide.
Flash winced, holding a tiny clothed unicorn magician in his arms. Trixie gulped, put on a cheesy grin, and waved a dainty hoof.
“... … ...” Sunset Shimmer slapped her palm to her skull and slumped in place. “Goddammit, Trixie.”
