Mission Briefing
“Bushes?!?” Trixie scoffed, eyes wide as saucers. She swung her hoof incredulously at the thick arrangements of transplanted shrubbery being gathered all along the edge of the Everfree Forest. “Seriously?!?” She snarled in Sunset Shimmer's direction. “You're going to stake this entire expedition on bushes?!?”
“Hey... look at it this way...!” Flash Sentry smiled aside at Trixie. “It worked decently well for one of two Gulf Wars! Heh heh! Heh heh heh heh...”
Trixie merely glared at Flash.
“Ahem...” Flash took a few careful steps back from the mares who were squaring off. “Just pretend I'm not here.”
Sunset sighed, standing beside Twilight and Rainbow who were clumping multiple bits of vegetation together. “I don't remember asking for your input, Trixie.”
“Well, Trixie's input, you've now got!” Trixie barked. “And now that you've heard it, I hope you can deal with the irrationality of this moment in front of everyone you've gathered from the cruise ship!”
“Lay off her jugular, Trix!” Rainbow groaned, rolling her eyes. “This worked for us the first time we were here!”
“That was only three of you!” Trixie gestured at the crowd. “Allow Trixie to remind you that we've got nearly three hundred.”
“Actually...” Twilight Sparkle adjusted her big pony spectacles. “It's exactly two hundred and twenty-two.” She smiled at Sunset. “Isn't that wonderful? The absolute perfect dividend for pairing up trot buddies!”
“Heyyyyyyy!” Rainbow smiled. “Don't aim math at me without consent!”
“What Trixie means...” The showmare leaned back and folded her forelimbs. “...is that unless you intend to move the entire forest, this is going to involve a lot of bushes! And either way, you're going to attract attention!”
“Uhm... why are we doing this so stealthily?” Fluttershy asked, stepping out of the crowd with nervous eyes. “The Princess of Friendship knows us. She knows that some of us have found a new portal to Equestria. Is it really such a huge necessary secret to have an entire procession of normal-looking 'ponies' trot across the valley of this fantastical kingdom?”
Pinkie Pie cupped her hooves around her muzzle and hollered from the crowd: “She's really adorable when she's making sense!”
“Actually, darling, Fluttershy is adorable all the time!” Rarity added.
Pinkie Pie glared aside. “I don't remember you being allowed to add light-hearted interjections!”
“I'm going to let you in on an unflattering truth about Equestrians,” Sunset said in a muttering tone. “And this is especially the case with Ponyville ponies.” Her eyes darted back and forth, as if worried over leaking a forbidden secret. “We're... a paranoid and superstitious bunch.”
“What's that mean?” Rainbow asked. “Batman preys on you or something?”
“No. It means that... we're really big on herd mentality. And that includes the instinct to stampede.” Sunset Shimmer fidgeted awkwardly. “It's... prevalent among more than just ponies. Cattle. Donkeys. Breezies...”
“Wow...” Applejack blinked. “Hamburgers talk in this world?”
Sunset Shimmer went on: “Why, this one time—according to Princess Twilight—the entirety of Ponyville nearly experienced a societal collapse just because of a runaway pack of bunnies. Three mares even suffered heart attacks!”
“Uh-wee...” Twilight Sparkle shuddered. “And I thought I had panic attacks...!”
“Hmmmf!” Trixie folded her forelimbs even tighter. “The narrow-mindedness of horse-people is no excuse for us to pick the absurd path to our goal!”
“Says the pony whose entire career is built on smoke and mirrors,” Rainbow said.
“Trixie does not appreciate that cowardly ad hominem attack!”
“Uhm...” Twilight pointed. “...technically, in this situation it'd be called 'ad equidae'.”
“The Grreat and Powerrful Trixie knows when she is being heckled!” Trixie stomped her hoof. “Just because she's trying to talk some common sense into our misguided trot-guide!”
Sunset frowned. “Now who's committing an ad hominem?”
“Equidae.”
Sunset waved off Twilight. “Whatever!”
“Please tell Trixie you aren't seriously planning on escorting everybody here to the heart of Ponyville via a bush!”
“Not at all!” Sunset Shimmer smiled nervously, toeing her hooves in the soil. “... … ...it's multiple bushes!”
“Augh!” Trixie tossed her hooves. “Trixie gives up!”
Flash cleared his throat and leaned forward. “What exactly do you have in mind, Sunset? Going back and forth with just a few bits of shrubbery?”
“Look, I know it sounds stupid! Silly, even. But I know this landscape!” Sunset smiled hopefully at the crowd. “Aside from Ponyville, there are barely any ponies living for kilometers in any direction! And the ones who do live low to sea level in sporadic farmlands spread across the valley! Those who live in the Canterlot mountains are so far away that they won't tell the difference between a bit of shrubbery and the verdant countryside! This is our safest way to camouflage ourselves and get to our destination without causing a needless panic! You gotta trust me!”
The crowd murmured amongst themselves, shrugging with mixed certainty.
“Yes... but...” Flash scratched the back of his head. “So much back and forth—just to get all two hundred plus of us to the Princess' castle.” He winced. “Won't that take—like—forever? And haven't we spent enough time as it is because of the manticore delaying our movement?”
The crowd began murmuring louder, belying unease.
Sunset huffed a heavy sigh. “Flash, I really don't have the time to get into it with—”
“You trust the Princess of Friendship, right?”
The unicorn blinked dumbly. “But of course!”
“And she trusts you?”
“Yeahhhh...?”
Flash smiled. “So how about this?” He pointed. “We go with your 'camouflaged sneaking plan,' but we send only a few of us. Y'know... like scouts! Messengers!” He turned to face the other ponies watching the scene. “The rest of us stay here. Hang out along the edge of the Everfree Forest—but not deep enough to be in danger of any of the magical creeps here. Then...” He turned to face Sunset again. “...once the scouting party reaches Her Majesty, we tell her the situation and enlist her help in getting the rest of us to the Ponyville portal quickly!” He shrugged as Trixie blinked at him. “See? It's not too different than what you've already got planned! Don't you think that—with a little help from pony friends in charge of this place—we can avoid both panic and an unnecessary loss of time?”
“... … ...” Sunset merely tapped her chin in thought.
The crowd of fuzzy faces glanced at one another, eyes lighting up.
“Reckon he's got a point there, Sunset,” Applejack said. “The simplest plan is always the best, if you ask me.”
“And AJ is as simple as it gets!” Rainbow said.
“Well, shucks...” Applejack droned, glaring in Rainbow's direction. “Thanks.”
“You're welcome!”
Twilight Sparkle looked at Sunset. “What do you think, Sunset? Would Princess Me be able to help us?”
“Well, I can't speak for her, but...”
“Then let Trixie speak for everypony here!” Trixie pumped a forelimb, smirking. “We want to get home as quickly as possible! And sad-sack's plan can make it happen!”
“Woo!” Sandalwood hollered from the crowd. “Go Flash!”
“YEAHHH!!!” echoed a steroid-induced set of vocal cords.
A few other familiar voices from the gathered ponies hooted and hollered.
Flash rubbed one forelimb against the other, blushing slightly.
“Should we... put it up to a vote?” Rarity suggested.
“No...” Sunset shook her head. “I already know where this is going.” She squinted icily in Trixie's direction. “... … ...if things go south, I'll be sure to remember this conversation.”
“Oh cheer up, Sunny bun!” Pinkie Pie giggled in her friend's direction. “Leave the stuck-up demon to the first movie!”
“Meh.” Sunset Shimmer returned to the shrubbery. “I suppose some volunteers are in order!” she called over her flank, tail flicking. “If we're going to do things this way, we'll need a capable scouting party—not just myself, Twilight, and Rainbow!”
“But of course!” Trixie nodded. “Only the best and brightest ponies will do!”
“That's what I'm thinking!” Flash nodded, resting a hoof on Trixie's whither. “And I can't think of anypony better than myself and my fellow trot buddy, Trixie Lulamoon!”
“What?!?!?!” The blue showmare's fuzzy jaw dropped low.
The crowd was already cheering.
“Woohoo!” Thunderbass exclaimed.
“Yay!” Fluttershy managed.
“Touchdown!” Derpy added.
Trixie batted Flash's hoof away and gawked at him. “Are you crazy?!”
Flash's lips pursed in concern. “What, did I get your last name wrong?”
“You can't volunteer yourself and Trixie like us!”
“You don't consider yourself the best and the brightest?”
“That describes only half of us, you insufferable ignoramus! Trixie doesn't want to march for kilometers under the cover of shrubbery and maybe-possibly-accidentally cause a mass Equestrian social collapse via herd mentality pandemonium!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaand we have our first two volunteers!” Rainbow Dash pointed at the pair of trot buddies.
“Well said, Rainbow!” Sunset smirked in Trixie's direction. “I'm sure they'll be glad to lend a hoof.” She turned to look at the rest. “Anypony else?” She saw hooves raised. “Bulk Biceps and Miss Hooves, come on down! Pinkie Pie! Rarity! Sure thing! Lyra...!”
As Sunset called out the members of the newly-forming scouting party, Trixie resumed snarling in Flash's face. “Grrrrrrrrrrrr... this is all your fault!”
“But... just now...” Flash gestured. “...you made a grand show about how you disapproved of Sunset's plan and—!”
“Are you stupid?!?” Trixie snarled. “That's just because Trixie wanted to get under her skin for showing off and pretending to be a know-it-all when in fact she's just wasting everypony's time!” She folded her forelimbs. “Trixie had done her job! Sunset's superficial show-off-ish-ness was on fulllll display for everypony in attendance! But then you had to stick your manly muzzle in and throw Trixie off her game!”
“Are you telling me...” Flash gnashed his teeth. “...that all of this was some crazy matriarchal power battle of social wits?!”
“Duhhhh! What, did you crawl out of the lockerroom yesterday, you smelly meathead?!”
“Oh for the love of God, will you...!” Flash waved both hooves at her. “Won't you... … ...” A huffing breath, and he barked: “... … ...stop having estrogen!!!”
“What?” She arched an eyebrow. “Jealous?”
“Meh.” A frowning Flash marched over to where Sunset and company were gathering materials. “Come. Help me grab a bush.”
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Admittedly, I was expecting Twilight to have corrected 'ad hominid' to 'ad hominem', but perhaps she's just riffing?
10140638
The feminine 3rd declension accusative mulierem might be more appropriate.
She should also have mentioned the possibility of it being caused by the dozens of attacks on Ponyville because of the mane 6.
10139159
"We're a group of reformed changlings giving Ponyville a surprise parade in their honor, which is why we look like many of you. We will march to Castle Name-Pending, meet privately with your princess, then transform into tiny insects and fly away."
Wow. Sunset was ready to tear into Flash because he was defying her first idea? She really need to have her ego placed in check.
10141009
No no, not at Flash but Trixie.
Most likely she saw right through Trixie, unlike Flash.
Personally, I think Equestria at large finding out is the least of their troubles. What are they going to do when the authorities back home found out about all of this? Because don't tell me they won't--how do you explain away 222 humans suddenly going from their sunken cruise ship in the middle of the ocean next to an (presumably) uncharted island to seemingly spontaneously appearing all next to a random high school back in the middle of civilization in the space of about a day or less? Further, as one of the crewmembers indicated last chapter, they still need to report in that the ship wrecked and all that.
So, yeah, how do they plan to explain this away to their authorities back home?
Heck, couldn't Pony Twi theoretically bring the portal to them instead of make them come to it? I mean, I know it's got all that added doodads and stuff so it can work on demand instead of the original every so often, but she's a Very Powerful Pony, I'm sure she can handle it. And it would resolve this whole issue very nicely, after all.
Oh, so you're saying only you can admit that. Okay then.
Great comeback. Surely one for the recordbooks. Yup.
10140811
All the ponies: "Ohhhhh, okay, that makes sense. Please continue."
10141252
Now, you saying that reminds me how lucky everyone is that Sunset left her jounal at home.
Pot, meet kettle.
Best part of this chapter is Derpy yelling, "Touchdown"