KONO DIO DA!

by DIO Brando

First published

DIO learns the magic of friendship, while inadvertently committing a comical genocide.

DIO learns the magic of friendship, while inadvertently committing a comical genocide.


Rated Teen for: Mild Gore, Strong Language, Rude/Morbid Humor, Dark Themes and Elements, DIO stuff.

It's Called a 'Steam Roller'

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"And now without pause, my final attack!" A yellow-eyed blondie shouted, flying through the skies of a populated city with dramatic-ass music in the background like a mother-fucking Super Saiyan.

A total badass kid with black hair and a weird-ass hat that inadvertently looked cool made the most dramatic grunting noise as just prior to this, the yellow-eyed blondie named DIO relentlessly beat the shit out of him. Don't worry, the total badass kid beat the shit out of DIO first, so it's fair.

Oh, and they have these things called Stands. They stop time. Well, only theirs for now, but whilst the over-powered 100-year-old vampire had to train his timestop for days and weeks, total badass kid only needed like, three minutes to master it. His name is Jotaro Kujo. He's a total badass.

"Within my nine seconds of stopped time, I shall end this!" DIO shouted, still flying, "ZA WARUDO!" A bulky man that looked like some steampunk robot thing that was grey and gold appears before him, flying towards the total badass Jotaro, while releasing an exceptional special effect with an ear-bleeding bass sound as it stopped time. DIO landed slowly on a bridge, a few metres away from Jotaro. He gave a small chuckle, smiling before he dashed into the sky and vanished.

"One second has passed," he said, Jotaro's eyes suddenly widening, because fuck being unable to move in stopped time, total badasses don't have time for such Gary-Stu nonsense. "Two seconds have passed, three seconds have passed, four seconds have passed. . ." DIO sure knew how to count. He was probably a straight-A student in first grade. Albeit true his father was a thievish asshat who probably didn't take him to school but watch Phantom Blood if you want to know how that whole fandango went.

Badass Jotaro, however, didn't give a flying fuck. He was pissed as shit and just wanted to kill the old vampire dude, and he can totally do that because he can move two seconds in stopped time. Why? Because he's fucking Jotaro Kujo the badass school boy who hates women.

"Five seconds have passed."

'The one thing that I know, DIO, is that the next time I see your face, I'm probably going to bust a vein!' Jotaro thought.

"Six seconds have passed."

'Bring it on, DIO!'

"Seven seconds have passed!" Suddenly, a large shadow appeared over Jotaro as—

"ROADA ROLLA DA!" DIO shouted, smashing a fucking steam roller into Jotaro. After some over-sexualized grunting, Jotaro summoned his—

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!" Star Platinum shouted, punching the shit out of the steam roller as—

"IT'S TOO LATE! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE!" DIO said surely as he— "MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!"

I give u—

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"

"MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!! EIGHT SECONDS HAVE PASSED! WRRYYYYYAAA! I'LL SMASH YOU FLAT!"

"ORAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Jotaro shouted, trying to use his Stand, Suta Prachina, to keep from, y'know, dying.

Then Jotaro got smashed—and not in the sexy way. DIO stood atop the steam roller.

"Nine seconds have passed," DIO said, taking in the moment. "I've done it. Star Platinum has finally been defeated by my The World! Immortality! Eternal life!" He let out a chuckle, grinning as he observed his sexy-big muscles.

"SUTANDO POWA!" DIO began to laugh to himself maniacally. "This proves that nobody can surpass DIO! Puny humans! I shall rule you all! Bow before my knowledge and might! Ten seconds have passed!" He laughed once more. I wouldn't doubt it if The World was giving him a playful tickl—yeah I'm abandoning that thought in fear of fanart.

"Now my ability to stop time has reached ten seconds," DIO mused. "Now then, I should find Jotaro's lifeless body and drink his blood. . .If there's any blood left to take!" Suddenly, DIO wasn't able to move so easily.

"Wh-what. . ?" DIO looked around, panicking. "My body's movements are slowing down. . .No, I'm not slowing down. . .I can't move! Impossible! My body won't move at all!"

"DIO!" Jotar—ah shit it's total badass watch out. Jotaro stood, flaming like also a super-saiyan. "It's been eleven seconds. I guess that's your limit now."

"N—NANII?!" DIO said dramatically, being able to speak in stopped time for plot and dialogue reasons.

"I stopped time at the nine second mark," Jotaro sai—of course you fucking did you're badass Jotaro. "That let me escape."

Jotaro looked down, disappointed as he closed his eyes. "Yare yare daze." He suddenly lifted a finger, pointing in a totally badass pose. "Now! It won't even take a second to finish you off!"

"Jo. . . .JOTARO!!!" DIO shouted in seething rage. "Impossible, you stopped time? Right at the end of my nine seconds of movement. . ."

"How does it feel, DIO?" Jotaro asked, stepping closer, MENACINGLY. DIO let out one of those anime drama-gasps as Jotaro continued to speak. "Having someone approach you from behind while you can't move a muscle? If I had to describe it, it's like when a guy who can hold his breath underwater for a minute, finally comes up for air at the very last second. . ." Jotaro placed a hand on DIO's shoulder firmly, "When suddenly, he feels someone grab him, and he's dragged back down into the water. Does that sound right?"

DIO knew he had lost, his face showing complete panic. Jotaro gave him a side glance, hand still firmly placed. "But for you, I feel no pity at all." As he said this, Star Plati—

"ORA!" . . .Star Platinum drove a kick into DIO's legs, shattering the knees entirely. "Time has begun to move again."

DIO did probably the most athletic spin in the air before crashing onto the ground helplessly. He let out deep pants as Jotaro stepped down, MENACINGLY.

"I don't feel even the slightest bit of compassion for you. I haven't even an ounce of pity for you. However, just finishing you off by beating you to death now would leave a bad taste in my mouth. How many seconds will it take for your legs to recover? Three seconds, four? The moment you've healed, I'll throw Star Platinum at you. So bring it on!" DIO gasped, waiting for his legs to heal as Jotaro approached him.

"If I were a gunslinger from the West," Jotaro continued, "I'd say, 'Draw. Let's see who's the fastest gun in the West'."

'H-hes mocking me!' DIO thought, 'But. . .But, Jotaro, you may have come this far, but you are still only human!' DIO began to laugh to himself. 'You think like a human, who has so little time to live. . .About things leaving a bad taste in your mouth, or living your life with no regrets. . .that kind of reasoning is about as compelling as rat shit in a bathroom, and it will be your demise! I, DIO, have no such thoughts. Within my mind is but one simple thought. Just one! To be victorious and rule! That is all! That is all I need to feel satisfaction! How I do it. . . DIO suddenly looked up, shouting, "DOES NOT MATTER!" as a projectile of his own blood temporarily blinded Jotaro.

"How do you feel being blinded by blood?" DIO shouted, summoning The World. "I've won! Die!"

Jotaro still threw a fucking punch like a badass as a Chuck-Norris roundhouse was coming at him from The World. Star Platinum threw a fist towards The World's leg, meeting in a tremendous clash as Star Platinum's fist cracked. DIO smiled before The World suddenly began to split apart from the leg. After some screaming and shouting about being DIO and 'this is impossible', he died after being torn to pieces. After this fandango, Jotaro and his grandfather who he brought to live with the remains of DIO's blood—just watch the anime—let DIO's corpse burn in the sun.

And that was that.

Except it wasn't.

DIO woke up in a blindingly colorful world, no longer in his weird-ass awakened form, but in his fashionable style with all the hearts and stuff. He woke up calmly, feeling no pain or hurt, even summoning the Stand he thought was just destroyed prior to see if it were real. He rubbed his head, feeling a bit of a headache slowly go away as it leaned up to take a look around.

Perfect smell, perfect temperature, beautiful forestry and grass. DIO heard clopping from behind him, he suddenly jumped up and turned around to find what looked like an equine. Yellow coat, pink mane, and very beautifully groomed at that. A white bunny stood beside her, looking upon DIO with fear. DIO noticed he was in the shade, away from the sun, he intended to keep it this way, as he knew he would burn immediately upon walking into it.

"Hm. Wildlife." He muttered, looking at the equine.

"W-well. . .He's technically my pet bunny, but I guess I understand why you would say that. . ." the yellow horse said in the softest voice. DIO jumped back with wide eyes.

"N-NANI?!" He shouted, a finger burning in the sunlight from which he nearly backed into. He let out a sound of pain before looking up at the equine, who was standing back, afraid.

"O-oh, u-um, I see you're harmed by the sun. . ." she mused, ears lowered as the bunny cowered behind her. "Don't worry, we can get you all fixed up, and a hood to keep you safe. . .Just please don't hurt me. . ?"

DIO stood up, frowning. "Hmph."

'What's with this. . .animal?' DIO thought. 'Are there any humans nearby? Come to think of it. . .was I, DIO, not just defeated? Surely not, I, DIO, can never be defeated!'

"That will do." DIO said. The pony nodded in response, whispering something to the bunny as it ran back to a nearby cottage.

DIO had one single thought in his mind of all of this.

'This is quite bizarre.'

I Like My Tea Hot

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"Mister DIO, I understand you want to defeat the Joestar bloodline, and conquer the world, and find heaven by a very specific process, and that your father abused you as a child, and that your mother was very nice to you, and that Jonathan seems to always get stronger, and that you killed an old man with a knife, and that you gave away your humanity, and that you're the Lord of the world," the yellow pony, who had introduced herself as Fluttershy said, a bit tired out, "but you still haven't told me whether you want your tea hot or cold!"

"Hoh?" DIO raised an eyebrow. "That's Lord DIO to you, and I prefer my tea to be hot."

Fluttershy smiled, having finally reached a conclusion after thirty minutes of ranting about whatever was from his world. She wasn't sure what to make of this fascinating creature, but he was fascinating nonetheless.

"So, do you have any friends?" Fluttershy asked, pouring him some hot tea. He took it, bringing it to his mouth. "Oh wait wait wait! That's hot!"

"Hmph." DIO said, chugging the tea without flinching. Fluttershy lowered her ears with a gentle blush.

"O-oh okay," she said quietly, looking down.

"No." DIO replied. Fluttershy looked up, a bit confused. "I have no 'friends'. I, DIO, do not need friends to rule my world."

"Well, you might need some to get back to it," she proposed, ignoring his world-domination mindset just thinking he was a little crazy. She didn't mind him being a little crazy. She was startled as her cup suddenly shattered.

"You dare correct me, DIO?" He shouted, standing up MENACINGLY. Fluttershy cowered at the sight. 'Does she see it?' He thought.

"I-I just wanted to be your friend!" she said, still hiding her face. DIO thought for a moment.

'I suppose not, but what is this? Some kind of trick? Fine. I shall accept this until she is no longer of use to me. Perhaps I can understand this world better before I attempt to surmount it.'

"Fine. We shall be 'friends'," DIO said. "but I require blood to feed on. Perhaps blood of your caliber will work."

"W-well," Fluttershy said, certainly expecting that as he was a vampire, "I'm sure Twilight could help you and whoever with some healing magic. . ." DIO raised an eyebrow.

"Magic?" He was very interested. 'Could magic increase my Stand power? Could I find another way to reach Over Heaven? I must continue to develop this friendship. This equine's knowledge could prove useful to me. Surely, I shall not succumb to such a mortal level of relationship and care.'

Fluttershy nodded gently. "Mhm. . .Only unicorns are able to practice magic, but you can talk to her about it if you're interested, but I should probably have her come here since you shouldn't be outside in the daytime."

"That would be in my best interest," DIO seconded, sitting down in mid air with his legs crossed. Fluttershy looked up, tilting her head.

"You can fly? I didn't think vampires could fly without wings," she mused. DIO looked at her with a frown.

"Hm? You don't see it, do you?" He smiled, an ominous feeling crossing over Fluttershy as she realized the cup didn't exactly shatter for no reason.

"Wh-what are you talking about. . ?" she asked, not sure what she had gotten himself into.

"This is The World," DIO continued, a knife appearing from nowhere and floating upwards, "you can neither see, nor feel him." As he said this, a loud thud was heard as the same knife had flown past her, suddenly hitting a wall. She turned around to see that the wall was not what was hit, but that the knife was thrown at such force that it created a loud sound when he was able to catch it from the other side of the room. She quickly looked back, not having remembered him walking over there. It was like he teleported, and it definitely wasn't magic.

"What. . ?" Fluttershy said quietly. She wasn't sure what she had just observed, and she was quite terrified.

"Go find your friend. I'd like to understand this 'magic' you speak of," he ordered, sitting down again. Fluttershy nodded quickly, not even taking the time to put up her dishes as she ran outwards, taking flight to find Twilight as soon as possible.


Fluttershy quietly knocked on Twilight's door as she landed, trying not to be rude while she was in a hurry. Fluttershy was greeted by a familiar dragon named Spike.

"Oh, hi Fluttershy, how ar—" Spike said before suddenly being pushed out of the way by an anxious Fluttershy.

"Twilight there's a two-legged thing in my house!" she said, panicking. Twilight suddenly appeared in front of her with a poof of magic as she grabbed Fluttershy.

"You have a what in your house?!" Twilight said with wide eyes. Fluttershy let out a squeak as Twilight pressed her forehead against Fluttershy's staring into her very soul in scientific curiosity. "Tell me more!"


DIO looked around, getting bored of waiting. He figured he could take a look at some of the animals, perhaps they spoke as well. He walked into the next room, revealing several animals. Far too many for comfort. As he took the first step, every single animal stopped and stared at him in a dead silence.

"I suppose none of you speak," he muttered, "you're acting like mindless animals." All of them frowned, the bear crossing it's forelegs and looking away with a huff. Other animals shook their heads and continued doing what they were doing. It was as if they could interpret the language he spoke, but weren't capable of speaking it. In fact, he was speaking in English, and a bit of Japanese he had learned due to speaking to several opponents and allies from several locations across the globe. How did they understand everything so well? He shook his head, turning back and sitting in the air again.

"Might as well just wait. There's absolutely nothing to do here," he said with a frown.


A few minutes later, Twilight and Fluttershy walked into the cottage to a group of animals surrounding a motionless DIO. Twilight was taken aback as Fluttershy ran to see what was wrong.

"Mister—Uh—Lord DIO, are you alright?" she said, worried about what might have happened while they were gone.

"Lord?" Twilight repeated to herself. DIO opened one eye suddenly.

"How dare you interrupt my sleep?" All of the animals were suddenly pushed back by something as he stood beside Fluttershy, looking at Twilight. "This must be that other one you were speaking about. You, purple one, she says that you possess 'magical healing'. I wish for you to demonstrate it."

"Well," Twilight started, "you can show me whatever injury you have and I—Fluttershy!"

DIO had suddenly pricked Fluttershy's neck with two fingers, draining her blood. "On her. Not on me." He corrected as he pulled his hand out. Twilight panicked, lighting her horn and healing Fluttershy immediately, who was dazed and confused at what just happened. Twilight looked up.

"What was that?!" she demanded with anger. DIO looked down with a frown.

"You healed her did you not?" He said, "Then she is fine."

"Fluttershy, come to me!" Twilight said, "I'll blast him with my magic and we can get the rest to ban him, he's evil I can see it!" Fluttershy attempted to run, but suddenly appeared back in place beside DIO. She tried again, failing once more. Twilight snarled.

"Hoh?" DIO looked down with a smirk. "You would like to pick a fight with me, DIO?"

"DIO. . .huh. . ." Twilight said, charging her horn. "Take this, DIO!" With that, a sudden blast of magic energy came precisely towards DIO. It was easily deflected. Twilight stood back.

"Muda Muda Muda!" he shouted with glee. "You remind me of Kakyoin."

"What are you? You're not using magic, you're using something different, something more powerful!" Twilight said. DIO grinned.

"I suppose I can tell you, since you are powerless before The World," he replied, "it is called Stand Power. A physical manifestation of your psychological energy. You cannot see it, because you do not have such power! Hah!"

"I can cast a spell that allows me to see it. . ." Twilight said, "If it's just psychological energy, then I can use a spell to make it visible to anyone."

DIO smiled. "Do as you wish."

Twilight lit up her horn, casting the spell before standing back as she saw The World looming with intimidating size over DIO and Fluttershy. Fluttershy turned, looking up at it and jumping away. DIO stooped down, petting her mane gently.

"I'm sure we can meet on unanimous opinion over who we value," DIO said, continuing to pet Fluttershy, who was visibly soothed. "Fluttershy here is a friend of mine, I wish not to harm her. That is why I required your magic, because I knew her blood would keep me satisfied long enough that I wouldn't have to hurt so many people." He looked at her with a menacing glare. "Just in case you're doubting. . .Had I wanted to kill her, you would have both been dead long ago."

'Who is this guy?' Twilight thought to herself, regaining her posture and standing straight. 'I'll have to tell Celestia about this, but not now. Didn't Fluttershy say he was a vampire?'

"What if I cast a spell of solar energy? You couldn't block that, could you?" Twilight asked, giving a side glare. DIO smiled.

"You're limited by the constraints of time," DIO replied, "I, DIO, am not limited by such things. I control time here as I did in the last world." He gently picked Fluttershy up like a puppy, continuing to pet her as she was now nearly asleep.

Twilight knew DIO was evil, but she wasn't willing to take the chances of trying to fight him. He was able to calm even Fluttershy, who is typically the most timid of them all. There's no way he was just that comforting, but, come to think of it, he was rather charmi—

Twilight suddenly shook her head. It was like some sort of spell he had, this charming appearance, the ability to persuade anyone to join him. He was pure evil.

"What do you plan to do to Fluttershy?" she demanded. DIO smiled.

"I wish to be her friend, nothing more, nothing less," DIO replied, "she gives me what I need, you give her what she needs, and perhaps, I can give you something in return if you allow me a way to exit this world to get back to my own." Twilight thought for a moment. She felt like she was making a deal with the devil.

"Fine," she said, "but if you hurt Fluttershy, you will pay for it."

"Hm hm," DIO replied, "I wouldn't do such a thing. So long as you're there to make sure she is healed, you're being a good friend, are you not?" He grinned. It was as if Twilight had played into his hands. What the hell are hands anyway?

"We must wait until nighttime," DIO said, looking outside, "I'd like to meet the rest of your 'friends'. I'd also like to see who is in charge here."

Twilight glared at him.

"Sure. I'm sure they'll be happy to meet you," she said, smiling dimly. DIO took a breath, closing his eyes gently.

"Good."

Why Does Applejack Take Care of Animals???

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After what seemed like an eternity, the sky finally faded to glistening starlight (as in light from stars, not the new protagonist with the element of toy-marketing, then again, isn't that all the EQG movies? I digress), the moon overhead as the nighttime atmosphere engulfed the world in it's soothing blackness. Most ponies would have been asleep by now, but six equines were not. Their names: Pinkamena "Pinkie" Diane Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and of course, Twilight and Fluttershy. The two escorted DIO out of the cottage, taking a stone path to a place called "Carousel Boutique". Twilight figured she'd get the worst out of the way, except for the fact that Rainbow Dash lived much further from them.

"Here, Carousel Botique," Twilight said with a sigh. Fluttershy said nothing, smiling as she stood closely beside DIO, who raised an eyebrow.

"A shop?" He muttered, "Why would I be interested in a shop?"

"This is where Rarity lives," Twilight explained with a smile.

"She must be homeless," DIO mused. Twilight shook her head.

"No no no, this is her home!" Twilight said.

"She lives. . ." DIO replied slowly, ". . .in a clothing store. . ."

"Yeah!" Twilight said. "What's weird about that?" DIO shook his head.

"Nothing, just lead me inside," DIO said, diverting his thought process on more important things than wondering why a talking horse would live in an over-sized wardrobe.

As they walked in, a little bell rang. DIO hissed a quiet 'wryyy. . .' from the surprise, before continuing forward. The shop was clean, and quite simply nothing more than a collection of both cheap and expensive hand. . .hoof-made clothing. DIO diverted the thought of how a hoof was able to hold things at all, considering—you know what I'm going to abandon that thought as well.

"I'll be down in a minute!" a very Rarity-sounding voice said, so Rarity-sounding that one could assume it was Rarity.

Because it was.

Don't question my narration.

Rarity walked down the stairs in a very eloquent dress, decorated as if she were attending a royal dinner. She gazed upon DIO, who seemed tall and muscly and handsome and. . .wait what are those things on his arms? It didn't matter, he was quite fashionable, wearing the hearts and the golden bracelets, she was simply astounded by him!

"DIO! I've been waiting to meet you!" Rarity said in a very adoring tone. She did a curtsy, or whatever a horse would do in such a situation on four legs, and smiled, trying to hide her excessive glee.

"Lord DIO," DIO corrected with a frown, unimpressed by the mare's oddity, "It is nighttime, apart from my visitation, shouldn't you be wearing something along the lines of comfortable bedwear? Or. . ." —He looked at Fluttershy and Twilight—"Nothing. . ?"

"Oh, Darling," Rarity replied with a chuckle, "I would never wear such common things around someone so, fashionable as you~."

"So what are you wearing now?" DIO asked with a frown. Rarity was taken aback.

"Well!" she replied with a slightly defensive tone. "This is one of my best works! Hoof-made and decorated to the best of my ability."

"It looks like it was made by an elementary-school child rushing for arts and crafts on the final day of a major project," he said, frowning. Rarity just stood, frozen with an empty smile on her face and wide eyes. "Anyway, we should be on our way, we have more equines to meet." He walked out, Rarity still standing.

"O-oh. . .Alright. . !" she said, an eye twitching as Fluttershy walked out. Twilight hesitantly followed, closing the door behind them.


"So I should be kind rather than be honest? That doesn't sound so friendly to me," DIO said, Twilight fussing at him for being 'mean'.

"No, I'm just saying that there's a nicer way to approach someone who you think can do better with their ability!" Twilight said. DIO chuckled.

"I am sorry, I must have deceived you," DIO replied, before frowning again, "I wasn't sure if she was capable of imagining better."

"DIO, I swear to Celestia, if you—"

"Howdy partner!" Applejack said to DIO, extending a hoof up to him. DIO stared down.

"What. . .who are you?" DIO said.

"Mah name's Applejack!" she said, being typed out in the most stereotypical way, as is common practice among us lifeless pony fanfic writers. Just kidding, you probably have more of a life than I do. DIO frowned.

"I'm here to meet the Element-bearer of Honesty, I believe it was." DIO said. Twilight exhaled loudly, hanging her head, Fluttershy just mindlessly clung to DIO.

"You're talkin' to her! Applejack, Element 'a' Honesty!" she stood proudly.

"Where do you live, in an apple shop?" DIO asked bluntly, Twilight nudged him with an angry look.

"Actually, ah live in a barn!"

"A barn."

"Yep! A barn!"

"You take care of animals in a barn."

"Yep!"

"Four-legged animals."

"Yep!"

"You are a four-legged animal."

"Yep!"

DIO just shook his head. "Whatever, I feel like I'm wasting my time. Purple, who are the last two?"

"It's Twilight, and the last two are Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie," Twilight replied. Applejack just stood, obliviously smiling.

"Muda muda muda muda!" DIO said impatiently. "Where is this Rainbow Dash, point me in a direction!" Twilight did so. The World appeared, grabbing Twilight as DIO personally picked up Fluttershy, suddenly flying in the night sky towards the direction. Applejack stared at the Stand.

"That's pretty heckin' cool," she said. She shrugged, turning around, "Welp, time to feed the horses!" She trotted off.

I'm not going to ask questions.


DIO approached a cloud, landing on it and placing the two down on it, taking a bizarre guess that they could stand on it. Twilight quickly cast a spell, allowing her to stand on the cloud. DIO hit the door.

"Ugh, what the fuck do you want I told you I'm a vir—" Rainbow Dash looked up at the towering DIO, suddenly stopping. "Ho. . .ly. . .shit. . ."

"Rainbow! Watch your language!" Twilight said. Swearing on her Christian server? She didn't think so!

"Oh for fuck's sake Twilight, this isn't TV-Y or something," Rainbow said, looking back at DIO. "So, big dude, heard your name was 'Lord DIO', come in, come in." She opened the door. Already, DIO was actually rather fond of her carefree attitude.

"And your name was. . ." DIO looked at her mane, ". . .Rainbow Dash?"

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash nodded, padding up some furniture as she lowered the volume on her television. A titlecard had appeared, 'Roho's Crazy Quest: Stardust Ponies'.

"That's a bizarre title for a television show," DIO said. Rainbow laughed.

"It features a Rotaro Kuho, on a quest to defeat an evil stallion by the name of Trio," Rainbow explained, "probably the most entertaining show I've ever watched." DIO thought for a moment.

"Explain it futher," DIO said.

"Well," Rainbow Dash continued, "Roho receives this thing called a Pose, a psycho power that allows him to do bizarre things! But Trio has this as well, and so they have to fight to the death!"

"Sounds inconceivable," DIO replied, his frown fading into a straight face, "I doubt such a thing could happen in real life, but I suppose that's the point of fiction."

"Yeah, but it's an entertaining show nonetheless," Rainbow concluded, she reached into her refrigerator, "want a strong apple cider?" She asked. Twilight's jaw dropped.

"Rainbow Dash!" She shouted. DIO lifted a finger.

"Oi, let her serve her guests as she pleases," he said, taking a drink gladly and sipping it. It was actually very nice.

"So, DIO," Rainbow said, taking a seat in a recliner chair, taking a sip of of cider. "Tell me a little more about yourself."

DIO smiled.

M E N A C I N G L Y .

Pinkie Finger

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"Fuckin' cool shit!" Dash exclaimed, clanking bottles with a drunken DIO as Fluttershy cuddled up next to him whilst Twilight sat with the most unimpressed Twilight face ever.

"Hoho!" DIO said with half lidded eyes and a bizarre smile, "This drink, this drink is amazing."

"I know right? I got it from Applejack's distant relatives," Rainbow replied with a grin. DIO laughed, sticking a finger through his head casually.

"Saikou ni haitte yatsu da!" DIO laughed, Rainbow laughed as well, totally neglecting his ability to still live after that.

"DIO, shouldn't we be moving on before daytime arrives?" Twilight asked, disgruntled. DIO looked over with a frown, shaking off the drunkeness as the wound in his head healed.

"Hm," he nodded, looking back at Rainbow Dash, "I must go, but we shall keep in touch."

"Hell yeah! See you around, DIO!" Rainbow Dash lifted a hoof as DIO curled his hand into a fist and bumped it. He got up, summoning The World as Twilight walked out with no words. DIO picked Fluttershy up once more flying off with Twilight in the arms of The World. Rainbow Dash only stared in awe at the Stand, realizing what this meant for her favorite TV show.

"So. . .Awesome!" She squeaked, squeezing her cheeks together with pure joy.


DIO landed in the streets of Ponyville beside a fountain. This fountain was located directly in front of a well-manufactured gingerbread house. The fact that this was acceptable must mean severe loop-holes in fire safety policy, or at least the plot would need such a possibility to arise. Who knows, maybe we can market more toys to a more mature audience! 'Burning-Down Sugar Cube Corner, ages 16+' — 'With Pinkie inside! Ages 18+'.

But enough toy jokes, I'm sure I could write a ten page paper on toy marketing jokes concerning the MLP franchise. Anyway.

"What is this. . .candy building. . ?" DIO asked, looking at the building as the lights were dim inside. It seemed to have been entirely vacant.

Twilight sighed, knowing she'd have to explain such a simple concept. Building made of candy! What's so difficult to understand about it?

"It's a bakery, called Sugar Cube Corner," she said, "residence of Pinkie Pie."

"Where do you live?"

"Golden Oaks Library."

"In a library."

"Yes."

"You live."

"Mhm."

"In a library."

"Yeah."

"Pinkie lives in a bakery," — "Mhm." — "Applejack lives in a barn," — "Uh-huh." — "Rarity lives in a clothing shop," — "Yes." — "You live in a library," — "Yes." — "Fluttershy lives in the littlest pet shop." — "Pretty much." — "And the most normal of you. . .lives in a cloud." — "Yes."

DIO shook his head like the rest of you probably did thinking about that. He walked up to the door.

"It appears this friend did not stay awake," DIO muttered with a frown, "Perhaps we should go in and wake her up." Twilight sighed as DIO kicked open the door. Dust filled the room as he stood M E N A C I N G L Y, hand on his hip, the other laying down as he slightly crossed his legs in the sexiest man pose you've ever seen or your vision is MUDAMUDAMUDA—

Loud, M E N A C I N G hoofsteps were heard, I'd say clopping but you know exactly what goes through everyones minds at that. DIO stood, unimposed. Suddenly, the lights flashed on as it seemed a huge crowd of equines were inside. Loud party sounds ensued as everyone shouted, 'SURPRISE!'

"NANIIIII?!" DIO screamed, readying his Stand as everyone suddenly stopped cheering and fell silent at the hulking figure. A pink pony trotted out, taking the hand of the Stand and shaking it's hand.

"Oh, you brought a friend! I love meeting new friends, I just adore it! New friends are the coolest, I mean, who wouldn't want to meet new friends, it's like getting to know an entirely different person! Well, it's like that because it is that! Meeting new people! It's so fun is it not? I love making new friends so much, I can even interact with this person who I'm not supposed to be able to interact with! Who needs rules when you're meeting new friends!!!!" She said in an overwhelmingly and irritably positive tone. DIO stood back, realizing she had interacted with his Stand. Was she a Stand user as well?

The World pulled it's hand back, throwing a barrage of punches at Pinkie. Pinkie was pummeled as the squeaking of a dog toy was heard.

"MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!!!!" DIO shouted, putting every bit of his strength into the Stand. When he finished, Pinkie only laughed uncontrollably. "NANI?! BAKANAT!" DIO shouted again, withdrawing his Stand and jumping back.

"Hehehe!" Pinkie laughed with a snort, "I should have told you, I'm really ticklish!"

'This is not good, she might be taunting me before she tries to kill me. . .' DIO thought, 'I cannot make an enemy of her until I reach Oba Heabun!'

"You think very loud," Pinkie remarked with a smile, "it's okay, I don't want to kill you! I threw this party for you to welcome you in as my new friend!"

"Tck!" DIO said, or made or. . .I dunno actually. He made an anime gasp/surprise noise. There.

"In fact, I'll make a Pinkie Promise!" She said with glee, DIO looked down in subtle confusion.

"You do not have fingers, how can you make a pinkie promise?" DIO asked.

"Fingers?" Pinkie tilted her head. "What are fingers?"

DIO held up his hand, specifically his pinkie finger.

"This is a pinkie finger. They're used to make pinkie promises, but only if you are a child, from where I come from," DIO said. Pinkie smiled brightly, overwhelmed with glee.

"YOU MAKE PINKIE PROMISES TOO?!" she shouted, suddenly tackling DIO with a hug.

"Gck! Tshck!"

"OH. MY. GALOSHES! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE IN OTHER WORLDS MAKE PINKIE PROMISES TOO — albeit in a different way — BUT STILL THAT'S SO COOL LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS! And ooooh~! Let me see your pinkie finger!"

Pinkie curiously hopped over to his hand, taking a look at them with what could have mistakenly been perceived as the same amount of interest that a certain Yoshikage Kira might have. But no. No. Stop. Now. None of that.

DIO suddenly got up, brushing himself off.

"We can be friends much easier if you do not do that ever again," he said quietly.

"Alright!" Pinkie said smiling.

DIO wondered quietly why Pinkie would have neglected the rest of her friends in this huge party, but he wasn't complaining in the slightest. Besides, it was probably the author's fault for not thinking ahead, but come on it's bizarre enough.

How many bizarre puns have I made?

DIO walked up to the table, looking at the treats and stuff, he was feeling thirsty again, but this time he wouldn't have to use Fluttershy.

Sun in the Night

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A sudden crash was heard outside as a large, white alicorn landed on the scene. The one that would soon turn everybody into alicorns for the sake of to—

Nope. I said I wouldn't make anymore toy-marketing jokes.

Her name was Sunbutt Asshat Worst Princess Molestia Celestia. She was a very kind and loving ruler, who always treated her subjects in the be—

"What the actual fuck Twilight?" Celestia said as she saw everyone except for Pinkie — who was still musing at DIO's pinkie fingers, Fluttershy — who was still clinging to him, and Twilight — who was staring at the ground with hopelessness, were dead.

"Princess Celestia, I can expla—" Twilight said before being interrupted by a blast of pure alicorn magic as it headed towards DIO.

"Take this, DIO!" Celestia shouted in seething rage as the blast capable of shattering a building flew towards him at incredible speed. DIO frowned, holding his hand up as his The World caught the projectile and contained it, swiping it away like The Hand. Celestia stood back, terrified as DIO turned slowly.

"Hoh. You think energy of that little power could defeat me?" He said, still frowning, "Nevertheless, I have no intent with being enemies with you. I'm sure you have the power to bring back the dead, so do it."

"H-how. . ." Celestia stuttered as she stood back more, "Nobody can just deflect a magic blast!"

"You remind me of Kakyoin. . ." DIO muttered, remembering how many people actually could deflect the Emerald Splash, but this was nothing of the sort. "See, I know everything about your magic that I need to in order to combat it with my The World. Fluttershy had an expansive collection of books that were filled with dust, so I read them all while she went to retrieve Twilight. Now,"

Celestia looked up as he paused, noticing he was suddenly in front of her.

"Bring them back to life!" He ordered. Celestia had no choice but to do so, the ponies waking up and clueless of what happened. DIO turned, facing them and summoning The World. "Go home! All of you!" The ponies ran in fright, terrified before The World. When they had left, DIO pressed two fingers into the alicorns neck, absorbing her blood as she was unable to help herself, letting out a quiet whimper.

"You were holding back," DIO said, pulling his hand away as the Princess' neck wound began to heal.

"What?"

"You were holding back. This power is almost overwhelming!"

Celestia looked up with a frown.

"Had I blasted you with all of my energy, it would have obliterated everything," she said grimly. DIO laughed, clenching his fists.

"Haha! This blood is amazing! Almost like that of a Joestar!" DIO picked Fluttershy up, calming down. "Now, I would like to ask a favor of you."

"A favor?" Celestia asked with narrowed eyes as she laid weakly on the ground.

"I wish not to lead, or to destroy, only to find a way back to my world," he said, looking up into the sky. "Perhaps you could help me with this goal."

Celestia grinned.

"You'll need help with more than that."

"Wha—" DIO suddenly let out a grunt of pain as he felt his very blood weigh him down to the ground, several vessels bursting. "NANI!?"

"Haha, DIO! You fell into my trap!" Celestia said, her horn glowing as she kept him down. "Perhaps you could deflect a hit, but you couldn't deflect something that's inside of you! Now, you pose a threat to my subjects, you must be executed here!" A sudden flash, and a fading bright light.

DIO stood up, grinning as The World loomed behind him with arms crossed over it's chest.

"Wh. . ." Celestia looked up, now entirely terrified that her plan didn't work. "WHAT?! IMPOSSIBLE!"

"The nature of magic and Stands are similar, just enough that I could remember Joseph Joestar infusing Hamon with his Stand, Hermit Purple," DIO explained, "If Joseph Joestar can infuse his Stand with Hamon. . ." The World held up a finger, a blast of powerful magic firing towards Celestia as her horn was temporarily damaged from magic use. "I can infuse The World with magic!" DIO laughed maniacally with the newfound power. "Yes, training my time stop had allowed me to use it for longer and longer periods of time, but. . .training magic allows for a plethora of new abilities! I'll be unstoppable! I am unstoppable!"

As he said that, a group of heavily-armored unicorns trotted into formation, holding stance as DIO Fluttershy was still nearby. No telling how many times she's been dropped due to how tired I am forgetting little details.

"Princess! Give us the order and we'll fire!" One said, looking at the weak Celestia. "Princess!"

"N-no. . .He's. . ." Celestia stumbled down, eyes closing as she passed out from the hit on her horn.

"Fire!" Another one shouted, as they all charged their horns in a barrage of blasts. The World stood in front of DIO, deflecting them with ease.

"Muda muda muda MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA MUDA!!!!" DIO shouted in triumph, as The World continued to deflect magic blasts. DIO extended his hands blasts of energy coming from each finger, taking all of the guards down at once by the horn. He suddenly dashed towards them, absorbing them instantly, one by one. Twilight looked at DIO.

"Even Celestia doesn't match you. . ." Twilight said as she stood back as well, terrified. DIO walked back to Fluttershy as she snuggled him.

"I know! Isn't Lord DIO so powerful?" Fluttershy said, hugging him tightly. DIO smiled as he saw Twilight's expression change.

"You. . ." Twilght muttered. DIO chuckled.

"With so little power, all succumb to me, all serve me, DIO!" He said, "Now! Once I have taken over this world, I shall have a social get together with everyone! And we'll all have a party! And we—NANI?!" DIO caught what he was saying, this sudden warmth inside of him. Twilight smiled.

"It looks like you're more powerful than Celestia, but she outwitted you one bit," Twilight said, standing up.

"What. . .What is this?" DIO said, looking at his hands.

"DIO, that magic was alicorn magic," Twilight explained, "and if you're able to harness it, it means that even you, with all of your evil, are capable of harnessing the magic of friendship!"

"B-BAKANAT!" DIO shouted, holding his head. "I, DIO, have no need for friendship! I, DIO, have no—" He collapsed on the ground, the magic overwhelming him.

Fluttershy shook her head. "Wh-what happened?"

"DIO just learned what friendship was," Twilight replied, "the hard way."

The Final Chapter

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DIO woke up in the cottage he was in before, dazed and confused. It was quiet, and he was in a comfortable bed. His first thought, "Where is Fluttershy?"

DIO stood, slowly, realizing he only had comfortable pajamas on, and his clothing was hung up or arranged neatly to the side, smelling fresh and cleaned. He felt his hair, also clean. It was like someone had taken care of him while he was asleep.

He put his shoes on, spotting a scarf and placing it on instinctively around his neck. He felt he didn't have the time to put anything else on, but at least he had fully-body pajamas, oddly placed in such a world with no humans.

He walked down the stairs to see the mane six, as well as Celestia speaking quietly to one another. They fell silent as he approached. Fluttershy was missing.

"Where his Fluttershy?" He narrowed his eyes. Fluttershy leaned out, she was hiding away somewhere.

"I'm here!" She said with a smile. DIO smiled as well, it was genuine this time. So genuine it could be felt across the room. DIO walked down, cautiously approaching Fluttershy. He knelt down, putting himself to her height. He was confused as to why he was doing this, but didn't feel threatened or wrong. Fluttershy smiled, hugging him as he instinctively hugged her back.

"What have you done to me, white one?" He said quietly. Celestia closed her eyes with a smile, her horn was healed.

"I let you have your way," she replied, "you wanted to possess my most powerful magic, so I let you possess my friendship. On the same note, consider yourself forgiven, by all of us." DIO frowned.

"Forgiven?"

"Yes."

"Tell me why."

"Why you are forgiven?"

"Why would you do such a thing?"

"Because, DIO, even if your evil intent is stronger than a hurricane, the magic of friendship holds the world together, or at least this world. Though we can't make you perfect, we can help you, but in the end."

She looked him dead in the eye.

"You're the one who makes the choice of friendship, and we have no ability over you in that regard."

DIO was confused. Could he have devolved to such association with mortal beings? No. This friendship was strength. It was entirely unreliable in the old world, but in this one, it was a power beyond imagination. Yet he didn't feel his same arrogance. Though he knew he was more powerful, he didn't see himself as superior. He tightened his hug around Fluttershy, closing his eyes.

"I've done it." He said quietly.

"I've reached true power."


Meanwhile, in another part of Ponyville. . .

"Lyra, it's not worth looking into! I'm sure the whole two-legged thing with hands isn't worth going after!" a certain Bonbon said with frustration. "Lyra, get back to the house! Lyra! Ugh!"

Lyra had left the house without saying a word to her roommate. Bonbon was her best friend, Lyra trusted Bonbon with her own life, but she simply put her dreams first: To see a human with hands. Those magnificent, complex structures. They must exist! Such a thing is too perfect to be fiction!

After a long walk, she found herself lost in the woods. She looked around.

"Hello?" she called, about to ask for help before she heard some rustling. She jumped back as she saw a man in a white suit with a strangely designed tie walk out. Blonde hair. He looked at her placing a hand on his chin.

"Talking equines," he mused, "I have a single question for you."

Lyra was speechless.

"Do you know any girls who happen to have pretty hands?"