A collection of short stories, about anything and anypony, all written within one 24-hour span of time. Topics and characters vary wildly.
24 Hours. Not a lot of time. Based on a challenge by Telaros, I set out to see how many one-shots I could write within one 24-hour period, with zero editing by anyone (even me) after being written (so expect some typos (sorry)). The following collection of shorts, arranged in order of completion, are the results of that accepted challenge. Some are bizarre, some are dark, some are a bit sad, and one of them (number 16) is Equestria Girls based (hence the tag).
Challenge Complete
Character tags will reflect the characters who are most often depicted in the stories. Individual stories have the most-applicable tags listed in their chapter titles.
Rainbow Dash landed with a metallic clunk on the solid floor of her cloudy home, and removed her helmet. "Ahh," she sighed, "Another day of crime-fighting awesomeness for the Iron Pony. It's too bad everypony left after the oatmeal factory exploded though; nopony even got to see me when I beat down that oatmeal beast. Oh well, at least they got to see me fry that cake dough monster." She chuckled to herself, taking a few heavy steps toward her closet. "For now, though, this superhero needs a little rest.
She pressed a hoof to her body in a few places, and her armored suit made a hissing noise as the plates separated and fell from her furry body. She collected the parts for her rainbow-colored power armor, stowing them in the closet next to her old Shadowbolt costume. She shut the closet a moment later, and walked off to make herself a nice, healthy sandwich.
Unbeknownst to the Iron Pony, a pair of golden eyes were watching her from a nearby window. Well, one of the eyes was. The other had been pointing at the ceiling. Once Rainbow was out of the room, Derpy awkwardly climbed in through the open window. Her body slung low, she crept across the floor, a sinister smile on her gray face. She slid the closet open with barely a squeak, and half-gazed at the gleaming metal armor inside. Derpy reached into the closet.
Rainbow returned a few minutes later, a totally-non-healthy donut hanging from her mouth, heading to her bedroom mirror so she could watch and admire herself while she ate. She stopped dead upon finding that her closet was open and her suit was gone, the donut tumbling from her mouth and dispersing sprinkles all over the floor. "Wha...."
The sound of jet engines revving up reached her ears, and she whipped around. There, on the rapidly-being-crushed window sill, was somepony stealing her suit. "Who... Derpy?!"
"I am the Iron Pony!" Derpy squealed as she kicked on her new afterburners and shot out the window. "Woohoo!"
Derpy sailed across the sky, going in a straight line for once in her clumsy life. She spread her hooves out, taking in the glory that it was to have stolen a superhero's super suit, and accidentally blasted a house apart with one of the suit's built-in missile launchers. "Oops," she squeaked. "Sorry!" But the pony she'd blasted couldn't hear her. Not because she was dead, but because she was out of town on vacation in Saddle Arabia.
Derpy rolled, performing a split-s maneuver and diving down toward the ground. It was time to get to business. She didn't even bother using the front door, choosing instead to smash right through the store's rooftop. Sadly, she went right through the floor, too, and landed somewhere in the basement. After a brief battle with what she could only assume was a giant, land-based lobster that the shopkeeper had been keeping as a pet (which was probably illegal), she returned to the shop's main floor. She directed one of her hoof cannons at the store owner and demanded, "Gimme all your muffins!"
The store owner, looking bored and more than a little annoyed, pointed to the sign above the counter. Derpy, who already had an eye pointed at it anyway, looked at the sign and realized that she wasn't in the Muffination, Ponyville's premiere muffin emporium. She was at Quills and Sofas, which probably didn't have an muffins at all.
Meanwhile, Rainbow was figuratively rocketing through the sky after Derpy and spewing a string of incensed obscenities that would surely have made Rarity faint on the spot (not that it would be terribly difficult). She caught up to the walleyed mare quickly enough, partly because Derpy wasn't doing a good job of hiding her trail and partly because she's Rainbow Dash. She swooped down through the closed door of the sofa and quill shop, blasting it clean off its hinges, and slid to a halt behind a disappointed Derpy.
"Alright, Derps," Rainbow growled. "End of the line."
Derpy turned around. "Aww, but I was just getting started!" She pointed a hoof at the shopkeeper, who ducked to avoid a blast of non-specific energy as it shot from her hoof and punched a hole in the wall. "And he didn't even have any muffins!"
"Too bad! Gimme my suit back."
Derpy narrowed her eyes, half-glaring at Rainbow. "Make me."
Dash hopped forward and poked at Derpy with lightning speed, punching the Iron Pony suit in a number of places. The suit then fell apart around Derpy's hooves, and she slumped to the floor. Rainbow swiftly gathered up her suit and headed for the door, only stopped at the sound of Derpy's sniffling. She groaned, turning around just to be sure that—yep, Derpy was crying.
Rainbow sighed, taking a step toward the weeping mare. "Alright, you can play with my stupid suit."
Derpy jumped up, eyes bright.
"But stop blowing things up, okay?"
Derpy nodded, and Rainbow helped her get back into the suit. Together, they figuratively and literally rocketed out of the sofa shop, punching another pair of holes in the wall.
Davenport, the shopkeeper, finally came out from behind the counter to look at the remains of his store. To his surprise, none of his stock had been damaged. He was about to sigh in relief when a horrible noise reached his ears.
"Scrappy?" he asked tentatively.
The mighty land-lobster burst forth from the basement, tearing open the hole in the floor and smashing its way out of the shop.
"Scrappy, no!"
2: The Terrifying Tale of the Prissy Ghost [Random]
Applejack had just put away the last apple cart when she first heard the noise. A strange, muffled scuffling sound, like something being shuffling around inside a box somewhere nearby. She turned around, peering through the dimly-lit barn and holding her lantern aloft. "Hello?" she called out, but she got no answer.
Shrugging, she turned back to the cart. She pushed it up against one wall of the barn, and was almost out of the building when the scuffling noise came back. She turned around slowly, holding up her lamp and scanning the barn. At first, she didn't see anything odd, but then she noticed that the cart had been moved a little. Rather than being shoved against the wall, it was now lined up with the others of its kind, all of which were parallel with the wall.
"What in the hay?" Applejack took a few steps forward, but stopped as she realized that there wasn't hay crunching under her hooves. The entire floor had been cleared of straw, hay, grass, apples, apple stems, apple leaves, apple seeds, apple skins, apple cores, apple accessories, and whatever else AJ never bothered to pick up around the barn. It was as though somepony had come through and cleaned the whole place. Or something.
Applejack reached out a hoof and nudged one of the apple carts. Before her very eyes, the cart shifted back into position.
"Tidy," a voice hissed, and AJ whipped around.
"Who said that?"
No answer.
"Who's there?"
No answer.
AJ stared around at the barn and waited, but no more noises came. More than a little creeped out, she headed for the door. After quickly shutting and locking it, she made her way into the house, only to gasp in horror as she stepped into the living room.
All of her furniture had been rearranged. All of the trash had been picked up. The cobwebs were actively being swept away by a floating broom and wiped off on the edge of the trash can.
"Neat," the disembodied voice whispered again.
"W-what's goin' on here? Who is that?" AJ stuttered out, but she again received no answer. The hall closet opened itself, and the broom settled into a corner. At the sight of such bizarre things, a smarter pony would have gone galloping off to the nearest non-haunted motel, but Applejack decided to go upstairs and sleep instead. Poor stupid Applejack.
The farm pony untucked the blankets from the bed she'd never actually tucked in, and settled down on the mattress. She shuddered as the blanket tucked itself in around her. She had to pull the blankets up over her head when a brush floated in from the bathroom and started brushing her mane out.
"Just leave me alone, please," she whimpered, too stupid to simply run away from the borderline-malevolent force. The blanket pulled itself away from her, folding itself neatly on a chair, and the brush continued its assault on her hair. "What do you want with me?"
"Clean," the whispers said again. Applejack cried herself to sleep as her room cleaned itself around her.
3: I Wanna Lick Diamond Tiara's Hooves [Random Comedy]
Apple Bloom winced as a sharp stick poked her in the back, but she didn't make a sound. If she did, then the two fillies she was watching from inside the shrub might notice her, and she couldn't have that. She took the stick in her mouth and tucked it behind another twig to get it out of the way before turning her eyes back to the two fillies nearby: Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
There she was, sitting on the grass not twenty feet away, her hooves wrapped around a plush Masked Matter-Horn doll with removable goggles and brushable mane. But who cared about the doll? Apple Bloom sure didn't. She cared about what was holding the doll. Diamond's pristine pink hooves gripped the plushie ever-so-tenderly, exerting just enough force to manipulate it without the risk of damage. They were trimmed to perfection, each one surely sustaining daily hooficures, and looked as though they'd never seen a minute of work in their little lives. Those hooves. Those beautiful, lickable hooves.
Apple Bloom had to wipe her mouth to remove the drool that was accumulating on her lips. She settled back into a sitting position, and felt the stupid stick poke her in the back again. She shuffled around, pushing the stick away again, when her ears perked up.
"Hey, what's that?"
Apple Bloom froze, her mouth wrapped around the stick. She slowly turned her head, and was just barely able to see Silver Spoon walking in her direction through the leaves. She held her breath as the gray filly stopped in front of the shrub and reached downward. She stifled a squeak as she felt something tugging on her tail.
"Silver, what're you doing over there?" said Diamond Tiara.
Her tail fell limp again, and she could see Silver Spoon looking at the bush again.
"There's some weird, red thing in this bush."
Apple Bloom hastily pulled her tail into the shrub as Silver turned back around.
Silver stared into the bush for a few more seconds before turning back around and walking over to Diamond. Apple Bloom let out her held breath as Silver sat back down and picked up one of the Power Ponies dolls again. That had been way too close. She settled back into place to watch Diamond's hoof tenderly caress the plush doll.
As she watched the ponies playing and repeatedly wiped the ever-flowing saliva from her mouth, she grew irritable and frustrated. She'd been doing this same thing for who knows how many weeks. She was tired of just imagining licking Diamond's hooves.
She wanted to do it for real.
Apple Bloom steadied herself, taking in a long, slow breath. Then she crept out of the shrub, leaving from the side opposite the two fillies, and snuck off behind a tree. After about another minute of waiting, she made her way around the tree and walked across the grass. "Ahh, what a nice day for a walk in the park," she remarked to nopony in particular as she approached the playing fillies.
Diamond and Silver both turned, but only huffed and ignored Apple Bloom. She didn't let it bother her, though, and walked right up to them. "Hey, Diamond Tiara," she chirped.
"I'm busy," was Diamond's reply.
"So, I been thinkin'," AB said, paying Diamond no mind, "you and I never really got along, but isn't it better to have friends than enemies? With that in mind, I'd like to offer you my forgiveness and friendship."
Diamond slowly turned her narrowed eyes to Apple Bloom. "What?"
"Oh, what the hay, I'll even give you a little gift as a peace offering. Here, come with me and I'll give you a hooficure."
"What?" Diamond repeated, raising one eyebrow.
"In fact, as your new best friend, I can polish your hooves everyday. How does that sound?"
"Go away," Diamond said bluntly, turning back to Silver.
"Are ya sure you don't want me to polish your hooves?"
"Leave me alone, you little weirdo."
Apple Bloom glanced around the park, racking her tiny brain for ideas. She quickly kicked the ground, knocking a clod of dust and dirt up and onto Diamond, who shrieked in response. "Oh, look at that!" Apple Bloom said in mock surprise. "Now you've gotten your hooves all dirty. Here, lemme clean 'em for you."
Diamond held out one of her now-dusty hooves, pushing against the yellow filly's chest. "Back. Off."
Apple Bloom's mouth hung open, and her eyes slowly rotated to look down at her chest. Yep, one of Diamond's hooves was really touching her. It was so close, she could almost taste the fudgy sweetness that she assumed was contained within the exquisite hooves. Suddenly it was all to much, and she could withstand it no longer. She leaned down and pressed her tongue to the pink hoof as it held her back, her eyes rolling over in her head as she took in the taste of dust, dried leaves, and other assorted things that Diamond had recently stepped in.
Diamond Tiara pulled her hoof back, recoiling in horror. "Eww! What're you doing?! Gross!"
"Huh," Apple Bloom muttered. "I kinda figured this point in my life would feel more profound or somethin'." Her train of thought was derailed as something metallic pinged off her forehead "Huh?"
Silver Spoon was standing between her and Diamond, a cluster of spoons held in her mouth. "Flee now, or catch my spoony wrath," she growled out from around the spoons.
"What the—" but Apple Bloom was struck right in the lips with a spoon. She turned tail, running away from the enraged silver filly as the unrelenting assault of spoons continued, pelting her even as she fled.
"That's right, run!" Silver shouted. "Nopony gets to like Diamond's hooves but me! You got that?"
Twilight Sparkle's eye shot open. At first, she couldn't see anything but a haze of green. Slowly, objects came into focus. She could see ponies walking about beyond the layer of green, though they were stretched and distorted. Her body didn't feel quite right, either. As she moved her legs around, she could feel resistance. She tried to open her mouth, but found that something was keeping it clamped around something. Something long. A tube that hung down from the low ceiling above her. A tube that she could feel all the way down her throat.
Panic began to set in, and she thrashed against the bindings around her hooves. One of the distorted ponies came over to her and poked his hooves at something outside of her vision. Slowly, the green around her receded downward, though the ponies within her sight remained stretched. Now that the green was gone, Twilight felt cold and wet, her body dripping with the liquid she'd been submerged in for who knew how long.
The distortion was removed as the front of Twilight's little prison was removed. Outside of the tube were other ponies, as well as many pipe and strange machines that Twilight had never seen before. The pony who had apparently released her reached up and pulled the tube from her throat, and she gasped. Her lungs burned, as did her eyes. The other pony removed her restraints and gingerly placed her down on the floor. She tried to stand, but found that her legs could not support her. She tried to speak, but only managed a brief squeak.
The other pony draped a towel over her body, rubbing her coat dry as a door on one wall opened. A familiar sight walked through the door, and Twilight was able to bring her head up and squeak again in response. Princess Celestia smiled her soft, reassuring smile, and leaned down to nuzzle the purple alicorn.
"Welcome back to the land of the living, Princess. I am sure that you have many questions, and I shall answer them all in good time. For now, let us simply say that we princesses of Equestria are not quite as long-lived as most would believe. I am sorry that you had to find out this way, but the scheduled meeting just kept getting pushed back, and I never got the chance to tell you."
Twilight was shaking, and not just from the cold in the room. Her eyes traveled beyond Celestia, taking in the vast arrays of cylindrical tanks filled with green liquid. Inside each one was a pony, hooves bound and muzzle wrapped in a strange device connected to the ceilings of their tanks by tubes. She could recognize the ponies in the tubes. There was Princess Celestia, despite her standing right there. There was Princess Luna, and Princess Cadance. Had Twilight been capable, she would have screamed upon seeing who the last set of ponies in the tanks were.
"Welcome to Hay Burger, home of the Hay Burger. Can I take your order?" Scootaloo asked in a bored tone.
"Yeah, uh, I'd like, uhhhh...." the stallion at the counter trailed off.
Scootaloo wanted to bang her head on the counter. Again. But, she held back. After all, the customers didn't like it when she expressed her frustration at their stupidity and/or indecisiveness. More importantly, though, her manager would yell at her for it. Instead, she simply ground her teeth and tried not to think about how goofy she looked in the stupid hat she had to wear.
"Oh! I know!" the customer finally said. "I'll take a Hay Burger, please."
"No kidding," Scootaloo mumbled, punching the order into the register. "You want fries with that?" The customer shook his head, and Scootaloo punched in more numbers. "That'll be eight bits."
The customer paid, and Scootaloo gave him a number. "Next," she said. As the stallion stepped aside, however, Scootaloo found herself wishing that he'd stayed there forever. Two familiar fillies stepped up to the counter, and Scootaloo sighed. "Wel—"
"Aw, you don't have to bother with that, Scoots," Apple Bloom said.
"Yeah, we're not really here for food, anyway," Sweetie Belle added. "We came here to see you."
Scootaloo sighed. "How'd you find out?"
"Your parents told us when we asked where to find you," was Sweetie's reply.
"Of course they did."
"I dunno why you wouldn't tell us where you worked," Apple Bloom commented.
"Seriously? You can't figure it out?" Scootaloo held her forelegs wide. "Look at this place! I'm working at Hay Burger!"
"Aw, it can't be that bad, right?"
At that exact moment, the top of the milkshake machine burst open, and a yellow colt stuck his head out. Scootaloo gasped in horror. "Snails, what the hay are you doing?!"
"I'm trying to find that horseshoe you said you lost." Snails hooked his hooves over the edge of the machine. "It's not in the milkshake machine."
"Snails, get outta there!"
"You don't have to tell me twice," Snails replied. "It's really cold in here."
Apple Bloom put a hoof to her chin. "Huh, I guess maybe it is that bad."
Somepony behind the two fillies cleared her throat, and they all turned to see who it was. If Scootaloo was capable, should would have died right on the spot.
"If you're not going to order, get out of the line," Diamond Tiara said with a glare.
"Yeah, like, seriously," Silver added.
Sweetie and Apple Bloom stepped aside, and the diabolical duo stepped forward to the counter. "Hey, Scootaloo," Diamond said, dragging out her name in a sing-song fashion.
Scoots grit her teeth. "Welcome to Hay Burger, home of the Hay Burger. Can I take your order?"
Diamond smiled. "Why yes, you can. I'll take a double hay burger with cheese and extra onions."
Silver hummed to herself, looking over the menu above their heads. "I'll just have a small salad with a side of hay fries."
Scootaloo punched in their orders. "Anything to drink?"
"A diet cola," Diamond responded.
"Same here," Silver said.
Scootaloo noted their orders and gave them a number. She was about to call up the next pony in line to get rid of the terrible twosome, but she quickly realized that there was nopony else in line. She waited, but Diamond and Silver weren't going anywhere. "Uh, aren't you gonna sit down to wait for your food?"
"No thanks," Diamond chirped. "Why bother just having to get back up again in a few minutes?"
Scootaloo grumbled internally, bracing herself for whatever comments the two would surely throw at her to insult her lame job. Alas, even as their food was delivered into their hooves, they said nothing derisive or mean. Scoots was about to ask why, but then decided not to push her luck.
"Aren't you gonna make fun of her or something?" Dang it, Sweetie Belle.
Diamond gasped, holding a hoof to her mouth. "Never! Why, Scootaloo here is an important part of Equestrian society. Without her, there'd be nopony to serve us important ponies our burgers and fries."
"And sodas," Silver added, slurping her drink for effect. "You're, like, totally important and stuff. Without the low-level ponies working demeaning jobs, us higher-ups would have to do them, and there's no way in Tartarus that's gonna happen."
"Huh...." Scootaloo pondered that, unsure of whether to be insulted or not, when a scream broke her concentration.
"Your shoe's not in the fryers!" Snails shrieked, his voice quivering. "I think I'm gonna check the freezers next, okay?"
Scootaloo's face met her hoof. "I hate this place."
"So, what do you think we should do next, Twilight?"
Twi glanced around the marketplace, but stopped when her stomach began to growl. "Well, I don't know about you, Cadance, but I'm starving."
"I could go for some food. What sounds good?" Princess Cadance scanned the nearby streets.
"Can we just grab a quick burger at Hay Burger? I'd rather not do a whole big lunch thing," Twilight said, pointing out the fast food place. Princess Cadance nodded, and the two headed for the restaurant.
Everypony in the building (including a few who couldn't actually see her) immediately bowed their lowly commoner heads to the floor as Princess Cadance entered. "What can I get for you, oh beautiful princess?" the stallion behind the counter asked.
"Oh, um," Princess Cadance said, tapping a hoof to her chin and staring at the menu. "I'll just have a double hay burger and a glass of water." She turned to her sister-in-law. "What about you?"
"Can I get a large order of nachos, a large order of hay fries with cheese, and two hay burgers with extra tomato?"
The stallion's polite smile faded as he turned to the smaller alicorn. "Yeah, sure," he grumbled, poking the buttons on his register. "That all?"
"A diet root beer, too," Twilight said, adding to her order.
"Got it," the stallion replied. His bright smile returned in full force as he turned back to Princess Cadance. "Anything else for you, Princess?" he politely asked.
"Actually, can I get a small order of hay fries, too?"
"Of course, your royalness!" The stallion poked at the register some more. "Oh, and don't worry about the money. It's on the house, Princess."
"Why thank you. C'mon, Twilight, let's find a seat."
Twilight turned around, only to stop at the sound of the stallion behind the counter clearing his throat rather loudly. She turned back to him with a puzzled expression.
"That'll be eight bits," he stated simply.
Twilight's confusion had been doubled, but she tossed the bits onto the counter. Remaining confused (and hungry) she joined Princess Cadance at the table she'd picked out. Sadly, she had to push through a cluster of about twelve ponies who were all praising her and trying to get her autograph. She finally made it to her seat, grumbling at the other ponies as they dispersed with a wave of Princess Cadance's hoof.
"I don't get it," Twilight said, looking around at the restaurant. "How come nopony ever calls me 'princess' or gives me free food or anything special like that? I mean, I don't really like special treatment like that, but it seems like I'm the only princess who doesn't get it. What gives?"
Princess Cadance giggled softly, making a few nearby stallions question their marital vows and a few nearby mares question their sexuality. "Oh, Twilight, they just don't realize that you're a princess."
"What? Why not?"
Princess Cadance pointed to her tiara, explaining, "Your crown, Twilight. I'm afraid the wings and horn aren't enough. You need to wear your crown."
"Really? Huh.... Lemme see." Twilight lit her horn and teleported her pointy crown right on top of her head. The entire restaurant gasped.
"It's Princess Twilight!"
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, two princesses!"
"I want your wings!"
Princess Twilight's confusion tripled, and she took off her tiara.
"Hey, where'd the other princess go?"
She put her tiara back on.
"Oh, there she is!"
"Right," Twilight said slowly. She shook her head. "Wait a minute, though, Cadance. I've seen you get special treatment and stuff even when you didn't have your crown. What about that?"
"Oh, um," Princess Cadance giggled nervously. "Well, you see, they weren't giving me special treatment because I was a princess. They were doing it because I'm so hot."
Cherry Berry screamed as the might tyrannosaurus reached down for her with its tiny, mostly-useless arms. She shielded her face with her hooves, but the dinosaur stopped a few feet from her, flailing its tiny arms ineffectively and growling at its own poorly-evolved body. Cherry Berry ran for cover.
"Hold it right there, Mister Dinosaur!"
The terrible lizard king turned, raising one eyebrow at the sight of the yellow pegasus hovering nearby.
"What do you think you're doing, huh?"
The dino simply roared at her in response.
"Oh crap, maybe I can't speak dino. Um, sprechst du Deutsch?"
The dino whirled around, slapping Fluttershy with its mighty tail and sending her careening across ponyville, caroming off the bell tower, and cascading down a thatched roof. The dino cackled as well as a dinosaur could, which devolved into a series of coughs after a few seconds. It trudged through the wreckage, reaching for the nearby water tower to get a drink.
"Oh, no, you don't!"
The dino turned again, only to be punched in the face so hard that he forgot his own name (it was a stupid name, anyway). It groaned and tried to rub at its sore face, but couldn't reach. It looked up at Fluttershy, who was glaring at him with zero fear in her blue eyes. It reached up to bite her, but she simply slapped at its snout.
"No! Bad dinosaur."
It just roared again, but found Fluttershy's elbow dropping right down into its forehead with a bone-shattering crunch.
"I told you to stop terrorizing these poor ponies!" Fluttershy flew around behind the dino, wrapping her hooves around its neck and squeezing. "But you just wouldn't," she punctuated her sentence with a punch to the back of the head, "listen!"
She flew off toward a house, ricocheted off, and rocketed back at the dino to clothesline it right across its fat, green neck (because dinosaurs are green). The impact sent it stumbling back, but it stayed on its feet.
"Tough guy, huh?" Fluttershy slammed herself into its thick gut, lifted the dino up off the ground, and suplexed his head right into the dirt. The dino moaned, rubbing its head and neck, but Fluttershy wasn't done it it just yet. "Now, next time you want to come into Ponyville and eat everypony, don't!"
Fluttershy grabbed the dinosaur by the tail, spun him around, and hurled him off into the distance, where he later cried on the sympathetic shoulder of Queen Chrysalis just before she ate him.
"So, how was your weekend?" Fluttershy asked, quiet as ever.
"Oh, it was fine enough. There was a spot of trouble when Sweetie Belle was attacked by that living bolt of fabric, but I burned it, so it turned out alright." Rarity's eyelashes fluttered, and so did the nearby pegasus's heart. "How was yours?"
"My weekend was just lovely. I got to spend some quality time with Angel in the dun—I mean, making macaroni salad, and I had a nice picnic with Harry."
"Sounds wonderful." Rarity stopped suddenly, her whole body stiffening. "Uh oh."
"What is it?" Fluttershy inquired with concern. "Are you okay?"
"I... I...." Rarity began to shake.
"Oh no, is it happening again?"
"Y-y-yes!" Rarity convulsed, and her coat suddenly sparkled with the intensity of a mirror ball covered with glitter. "I'm too fabulous!" she screamed, a gold and sapphire necklace growing around her neck. Earrings popped into existence and swelled, pulling her white ears flat. Knee-high silver boots grew into being on her hooves. "I'm blinging out!"
"Oh, goodness!" Fluttershy squeaked, turning and flying away. "Hold on, I'll get some mud so I can put you out. Just hang on, Rarity!"
The alabaster unicorn groaned, her body hitting the dirt as she became weighed down by all the jewelry and bling. She tried to resist, biting her tongue and holding a hoof to her mouth, but in the end, she couldn't hold back the guttural scream that always accompanied her bling-out seizures.
Twilight Sparkle knocked on the blue door, and it opened up just a few seconds later. "Oh, hello, Sweetie Belle."
"Hey, Twilight. What's up?"
"Oh, I was just stopping by to see if your sister could help me with a little sewing project of mine. Is she home?"
"Yeah, she's here. Good luck getting her to help you, though."
Twilight cocked her head to one side. "Why's that?"
"Rarity won't wake up."
Twilight paused a moment before asking, "What?"
"She won't wake up. I tried poking her, yelling at her, and even rearranging her stuff, but she's still asleep."
"Take me to her. Now."
Sweetie shrugged, turning and leading Twilight through the doorway, up the stairs, and to Rarity's bedroom. She pushed the door open and pointed at the bed. There was Rarity, still as a statue.
Twilight stepped over to the bed, whispering, "Rarity?" She reached out a hoof to touch the unicorn, but recoiled when she felt how cold Rarity was. "No..." she breathed. Her eyes scanned the room, finally settling on a little bottle of sleeping pills and a half-emptied glass of water resting on the nightstand.
"Um, Twilight, are you okay?" Sweetie asked as Twilight held the bottle up in her magic. "I don't think she's gonna take any pills until she wakes up."
"Sweetie Belle, take me to your parents's house," Twilight said, voice unsteady as she put the near-empty pill bottle back down. "Can you show me the way?"
Sweetie nodded. "Yeah, sure." She trotted for the door. "You think we should leave a note for when she wakes up?"
Twilight hesitated, standing in the doorway and looking over her shoulder for a moment. "No, I don't think that'll be necessary. C'mon, let's go see your parents. There's something we all need to discuss."
I've never been to one of these things before. Not concerts in general, I mean, just one of this genre. I feel so out of place. I'm surrounded by little fillies and the occasional colt here and there. I'm not going anywhere, though. I paid for this ticket, and I'm not leaving until it's over.
The lights suddenly go out, and then it starts. Synth strings rising up as the lights do. Multicolored patterns swirl and merge on the massive screen set up just beyond the stage. Then the drums start up, and lights spring to life over the drummer. Then the bass line kicks in, and then the lead guitar. I know what's coming, but it doesn't prepare me for really seeing it.
All of a sudden, she's there, tossing her blonde mane and belting out her lyrics with a spunky attitude that might as well be trademarked. Actually, it might be. She sashays her way to the front of the stage as the song's bridge rolls in, and then she pauses. The lights go out, the bass drops, and then my eyes are assaulted by a flurry of colored lights and my mane is peppered with a blast of confetti as she resumes her singing.
Then she catches sight of me. You might be all like, "But Vinyl, how can you know she's looking at you? The crowd is so huge." I just know, okay? Besides, she stuttered and screwed up her line when she looked at me. At least she doesn't just lip sync.
She steps back on the stage, swinging her tail in that way that makes all the colts in the audience hoot. She's already recovered from the sight of me and is back into her groove. She's a professional, I'll give her that.
She's also got money, now. More than I ever did. I suppose that's why she did it. She never did strike me as the type to take up gigs like this, and yet here she is. Don't get me wrong; I'm totally happy for her. She's got it all, and claims to be happy enough.
A gray-coated pony burst into the restroom, shedding his sunglasses and hat and tossing them to the floor. His hooves slipped a little on the tiled floor, sweaty with his anticipation. He almost dropped the brown paper bag in his mouth as he pushed open one of the stall doors and shuffled inside. He sat down on the toilet, though he wasn't there for the facilities so much as for a little privacy.
He carefully ripped open the paper bag and stared at his prize, transfixed for a few seconds before he reached into his saddlebags to get his gear. He withdrew all that he needed, and laid it all out on top of the little toilet paper dispenser next to his shoulder. Sweat continued to pool on his forehead, but he didn't bother to wipe it off.
He first went for the strip of elastic, wrapping it around his left foreleg and pulling it tight with his teeth. He gave his inner elbow a few taps with his hoof, because that's what everypony in the movies does. As he reached for the last instrument, he suddenly realized he'd forgotten a step, and grabbed up his prize. His numbing left hoof fumbled with the container, and it took his considerable effort to line the instrument up once he got it open. He pulled back on the plunger slowly, drawing up the precious material contained within the jar. Once he was finished, he gingerly placed the jar on the floor and moved the needle into position above his left foreleg.
Wasting no more time, he slid the needle into his foreleg and pressed on the plunger, injecting the precious jelly into his system. He groaned as the goo flowed into him, settling back against the wall and letting the needle hang limp.
He was in heaven. So what if his friends told him he was "way too obsessed?" All that mattered was his happiness, and that happiness happened to come from his beloved jars of jelly.
He suddenly sat up, clutching at his chest as pain gripped his heart. What could have gone wrong? He snatched up the jar, only to gasp in horror at what he saw. He'd gotten the wrong fruit-based product. He'd gotten jam instead of jelly.
The pony barely managed to crawl to the edge of the stall door before he died, a chunk of strawberry lodged in his heart.
12: Archer is Best Background Filly [Slice of Life]
"Snips, are you ready to present your oral report to the class?" Cheerilee said in a manner befitting her name.
"Certainly, Miss Cheerilee," Snips replied, strutting up to the front of the class. He cleared his throat and held up a piece of paper in his borderline-anemic magical grasp. "'Why Archer is Best Background Filly.'"
The whole class fell into murmurs, mutters, and mumbles for a few seconds, many eyes going to the filly that the report was titled after. Cheerilee shushed them, and Snips went on.
"Archer is a filly in my class. She has a blue mane and a blue coat that is lighter than her mane. She is my best friend, and an all-around good pony. She's never late to class, and is always polite, and always shares her lunch when I forget my own. Her eyes are the color of moderately-old eggplants that are still good to eat if you cook them right."
The filly in question slid deeper and deeper into her seat as the other ponies around her giggled and snickered.
Snips continued, "Although you may not think it to look at her grades, Archer is actually really smart. She just lets a lot of her school work go without putting much effort in. This is not because she's lazy, though, but because she always puts her friends and family first. When a friend needs her help, support, or even just her company, she's there for them. She's weather any storm for her friends, but that's not what makes her the best background filly.
"Archer is also brave and strong. She has to be strong for her friends, because sometimes they aren't strong, so she has to be strong for them. But that still isn't what makes her the best background filly.
"You see, Archer isn't the most popular filly in Ponyville, or even her class. She stays in the background, like the trees in a forest or the grass in a park. Only a few will really notice her, but those who do will see that there is more to those trees, more to that grass, and more to Archer than they might first think. But that's still not what makes her the best background filly."
Snips turned his paper around, sniffling ever-so-slightly. "What makes her the best is her modesty, because she knows all of these things and more about herself, but she doesn't go around showing it off. She stays in the background, and she doesn't mind that nopony pays her much attention. She's happy to make her few friends happy, and we're overjoyed to have her by our side. She's the best friend any sane pony could want, and nopony could ever take her place in our hearts. That's what makes Archer the best background filly. Thank you."
Snips returned to his seat to a moderate amount of applause. He gave a nervous glance over to the blue filly across the room, and Archer gave him a smile in return.
Spike slowly opened the door and stuck his head through. "You wanted to see me, Twilght?"
"Said," said the lavender alicorn. "I just found out that you ate the Inspiration Manifestation book. Is this correct?"
"Um, yeah." Spike nodded. "I had to eat it to keep it away from Rarity. Of course, that didn't exactly work out."
"Well, I need that book for cataloging and storage. This is a library, after all."
Spike sighed. "Alright, I'll go warm up some mustard juice—"
"Oh, no, Spike, it's far too late for that," Twilight interrupted. "That book is sure to be long past your stomach by now. There's no way to retrieve it that way." She held up a foreleg, sliding a rubber sock onto her hoof. "We're going to have to go in the other way."
"Uh, hehe," Spike chuckled nervously. "You're not serious, right?"
Twilight tossed off the sock, replying, "Of course not." Spike sighed, only for Twilight to pull a steel pipe snake out from behind her. "We'll have to use something much more specialized for this," she said, flexing the mechanical claws on the end of the tube.
Spike gasped, claws reflexively moving into a protective position. "Twilight, you can't do that!"
"Hmm.... You're right, Spike. This thing probably won't be able to retrieve an object of such size." She put the pipe snake away, and pulled out a scalpel instead. "We'll have to go the direct route to get that big book out."
Twilight took a few steps toward the terrified dragon, and he fainted on the spot. She couldn't help but snicker as she placed the knife on a nearby table. "I think that'll do as a punishment for now," she remarked, lighting up her horn and simply teleporting the book out of his guts.
She's staring out the window again. She does that a lot, in the summer. I know she misses the ocean, though she's never admitted it. When I ask if she feels alone here on the land, she just says, "If I have you, I'm right at home." It warms my heart, but I can still see the pain in her eyes even as she says it. She misses the ocean. She misses all those she knew there.
It's only natural to miss your place of origin. I miss my hometown. I even visit it sometimes. She never returns to her own, though. She says that she doesn't feel like going back, but I think we both know the real reason. We both know that if she ever did go back, she'd probably never return. We both know that she made a mistake coming out here with me. We may have our good times, but those good times only mean so much. She's not meant to be out here, and we both know it, despite our shared silence on the matter.
Sometimes I wonder if she really should go back to her own kind in the sea. I'm sure they miss her as much as any friend would. I'm sure they'd be happy to take her back. Most of them never liked me, anyway. They didn't say it, but their attitude was clear. None of them wanted her to go. But she told them that she loved me, and that was all she would need here on land. Love is a powerful thing, but I'm afraid it hasn't been enough.
Don't you dare think for an instant that it's not for lack of trying. I love her, maybe more than she loves me. I try to keep her happy. I did the best that I could to help her in any way possible when she first came here onto the land. I carried her on my back when we had to travel, before she could properly use her legs and hooves. I would mix seafood in with her hay and oats, to make the transition easier. I did everything that I could to make her feel welcome. I would have been a monster if I didn't.
And yet, I fear it may have been for nothing, for every day she stares out the window toward the ocean at the west end of Equestria. She wants to go home, and I can't blame her for that. She's a seapony, and I can't ever hold that against her. It was a seapony I fell in love with, and it's a seapony I still love today. She may not look quite the same, what with her fins and tail being traded out for hooves, but she's still a seapony inside.
Me? I'm just a plain Earth Pony. Not a flying pegasus, not a magical unicorn, an Earth Pony. I've never had to deal with transformations or magic. The most I've dealt with was a viral infection or two, nothing like what she went through to come onto land. And she did it all for me. Me.
She did it for me, and I still feel guilty about it sometimes. I took her from her home with promises of love and a happier life. Try as I did, I don't think I ever quite delivered. I feel like I should apologize, but I can never seem to find the courage to do so. If I did, would she forgive me? I hope she would.
Sorry. I've rambled on long enough about my problems. You probably don't care, anyway. After all, why would Princess Cadance care about a problem as inconsequential as mine? Sorry for bothering you with this rant. I think I'll just crumple this up and toss it into the trash. It doesn't matter anyway, right? She and I are still together, and still in love, so there's nothing to worry about.
It's another one of those days. I can feel it as soon as I wake. That pulse going through me, like a second heartbeat. That rising noise inside my head, drowning out all other thoughts. I sit up and quickly fix my mane, knowing I don't have much time and trying to be as presentable as I can before it takes hold.
As I chug a glass of water, the voices start up. They're only in my head at first, chanting the same few lines over and over. Then I can hear then with my ears. A high-pitched voice is singing somewhere outside. The voice grows louder, both in my head and in the "real" world outside of it.
My hooves are moving of their own accord, now. They're carrying me right out the front door. The source of the singing comes into view. It's Pinkie Pie. It usually is.
She's coming closer, now. Other ponies are coming out of their homes, eyes bright and smiling like the puppets that they are. Am I smiling, too? Maybe on the outside.
Then the time comes. The voice in my head is deafening, almost drowning out Pinkie's, and I open my mouth. The words flow out of me naturally, as my brain has already memorized the song that's been repeated in my mind. My legs propel me forward, following Pinkie Pie as she prances down the street and sings her song. She loves to make everypony smile. I'm smiling now; I can feel it. I wish I could stop.
My lips may be singing the chorus, but my mind is screaming bloody murder.
Sunset Shimmer awoke with a start, forgetting her dream within seconds. It took her a little longer to realize precisely where she was. The leather seats, and black dashboard, the blue and yellow medallion hanging from the mirror. It was Flash Sentry's car, of course. It was where she'd fallen asleep, so why would she wake up anywhere else?
Sunset leaned back against the seat, turning her groggy head to the left. There was Flash, standing outside the car and fiddling with one of those fuel-dispensing machines. He didn't seem to notice her, and she was alright with that. He turned after a few more seconds, plucking up the nozzle-on-a-tube and sticking it into the side of his car. It was pretty boring to watch, so Sunset turned her head to the other side.
The gas station wasn't terribly interesting to look at either. There were a few people here and there, coming out of and going into the little convenience store nearby. She leaned toward the window a little, putting one hand on the little armrest built into the door. She could hear Flash open the door behind her, but she didn't bother turning around. "How far are we?" she asked, her eyes still fixed on the storefront.
"Were still a few miles outside of Las Pegasus," Flash replied, strapping himself into his seat. "I would've just driven straight into town, but the tank was so low, and I didn't wanna risk it." He paused for a moment before asking, "There something you wanted to pick up while we're here?"
Sunset shook her head, and watched the convenience store pass of out of sight, being replaced by the boring desert that they'd been driving through for uncounted hours. A few dry plants passed them by, along with the various signs that peppered the side of every road.
"So, you been thinking about what you wanna do first once we get there?"
Sunset hesitated for only a second before giving her answer. "Get a hotel room."
Flash chuckled a bit. "Well, yeah, but what about after that?"
Sunset shrugged. "Didn't really think about it. My mind was on other things, really. Besides, this trip was your idea. Didn't you have a plan?"
"I find that most of my plans fail pretty miserably, so I tend to fly by the seat of my pants."
The image of Flash Sentry flying a few feet above the highway at 90 mph with his hands tightly gripping his own buttocks flashed through Sunset's mind, and she had to struggle a bit to stifle a laugh.
"What?" Flash said innocently.
She turned, catching sight of his trademark goofy grin, and turned away again before it managed to infect her own face. "Nothing, she muttered.
Silence fell for only about a minute before the city came into view. Sunset didn't bother moving much, only swiveling her eyes to take in the city. It probably looked a lot more impressive at night.
"So, what was your mind so occupied with?" Flash glanced over at her. "Or do you not wanna talk about it?"
"It sure has, Twilight." Spike turned his tall form to the purple alicorn standing next to him. "Any regrets?"
Twilight nodded slowly. "A few. Nothing I can't live with, though. You?"
Spike sighed, turning back around. "A couple, yeah. I never really had the time to do a lot of the things I wanted to, for one. And... well, you know. Rarity."
Twilight nodded again. "I'm sorry, Spike."
He waved his long claws dismissively. "I got over it a while ago; don't worry."
Twilight turned, looking over her shoulder. "What about you? Any things you wished you'd done differently?"
Sunset Shimmer stepped up next to Twilight, her wings rustling against her ribs. "Yeah, I do." She huffed briefly. "Got a stack big enough to fill a file cabinet. Doesn't matter much now, though, does it?"
"I suppose not," Twilight said, facing forward again. Silence gripped the trio for a time, until Twilight commented, "I'd ask what we should do from here, but I don't think there are a lot of options left."
"No kidding," Sunset agreed. "Not much left to do but sit back and watch, I guess."
Spike settled into a sitting position on the grass, though he still towered over both the alicorns. "You know, I gotta say that I never thought it would end like this. I was betting on something else entirely."
Sunset shrugged. "Makes sense, though, right? That old metaphor about fire cleansing stuff, right?"
Twilight scoffed. "I'm not sure they meant that literally most of the time."
"Like I said, it doesn't matter much now." Sunset took in a deep breath, holding back a cough from the ash entering her lungs. "I suppose now would be a good time to apologize...."
Despite the situation, Twilight giggled a little. "I think you know that I forgave you for that whole Element of Magic fiasco a while ago. I barely even remember the whole thing, honestly."
"I do, so just let me say it, okay? I'm sorry."
Twilight reached a hoof up, wrapping it around Sunset's withers. "I forgive you."
For the first time in years, a genuine smile came to Sunset's face. "Thanks. Goodbye, Spike. Goodbye, Twilight Sparkle."
"Goodbye, Sunset," the other two said in unison.
The three turned their eyes back to the inferno before them, and watched the last of the world that they knew burn away until only they remained, and then there was nothing.