Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.
Hoofsteps.
More hoofsteps.
At last... a shift in the air announced the opening of the hotel suite's entrance. Fetlocks clamored, followed by giggling, giggling voices. Rainbow Dash woke up, blinking fitfully. She sat up from lying on the fluffy bathroom rug. Rubbing her eyelids, she craned an ear to the three ponies returning late at night.
"...and that's when I said, 'Tuner?! I hardly even know her!'"
"Heee heee heee! Oh Lyraaaaaaaaaa..."
"I love it how—HIC—you say that."
"Say what?"
"My name. It's like you're a big fat balloon losing air."
"Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
"Hahahahahaha—HIC! Goddess dayum! Watch the table."
"I didn't leave it there, did you?"
"Maybe the maid left it directly in our path on purpose. HIC! An classic case of Hit-and-Redecorate."
"Heehee! Caramel! Come on, girrrrrrl! You're holding up the party train!"
"So... much... sweat..." A stallion's high-pitched voice squeaked. "I am I awake? I feel filthy enough to be awake."
"Girl, relax! You're just—HIC—covered in the smegma of celebration!'
"Guh. Must find a shower. I must I must I must..."
"Did you bring any flowery shampoos with you? HIC! Or just flowers?"
"Yeah, Caramel! Fill the tub with flower petals and just dive in! Then you'll be at home!"
"How many drinks did I have?"
"Are you floating in your own piss?"
"Uhm... no."
"Then not enough! HIC! Bon Bon! Steer us to the liquor cabinet!"
"Oh noooooooooo Lyraaaaaaaaaaa... we mustn'ttttttttttt..."
"But I commanded theeeeeee!"
"If we wake up puking on the hotel room floor, Vinyl's never ever ever ever ever gonna forgive us!"
"Come onnnnnnn! It'd be giving her life—HIC—some flavor! Puke flavor! Like the kind that stayed in my mouth the last time I attended the Democolt National Convention! HA!"
"You never told me you were into poly-tits!"
"Eh, just kidding. I'm registered non-party-poop."
"Heeheehee!"
"Keep giggling, B-Squared. HIC! Your face will... mmmmmmm... freeze face... phweeeeeeeee..."
"Heeeeeeee hee hee hee hee! Isn't Las Vegas wonderful?!"
"What in the buck is 'Las Vegas?'"
"Sorry. I meant 'Las Pegasus.'"
"Dammit, girl, stop dimension hopping while you're drunk! You're gonna crash into an eldritch horror one of these days—HIC—and how in Tartarus am I gonna find the wagon keys to carry you back home?"
"Hahahahaha... phew... you sure this isn't Hollywhinny? The hotel's swaying mighty fast."
"Nah, that's just your seismic brain."
"Guhhhhhhhhhhh..."
"You okay, Caramel?"
"Bathroooooooooooooooom..."
"Over there. HIC! Don't be square."
"Heeheee... I'm a rhombusssssss!" A series of soft hoofprints thud-thud-thudded over, and suddenly a frazzle-haired stallion plowed through the door, collapsing to the floor.
Rainbow gritted her teeth. With quick reflexes, she caught the stallion. His soft body instantly draped against hers.
"Hmmmmmmmmm..." Caramel cooed. His eyes closed as he nuzzled Rainbow's shoulder and instantly fell unconscious. "Nice c-catch..." A drunken yawn. "...Big Mac."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow.
From outside: "Couch! Couch!" Lyra rasped. "At precisely eight fifteen in the morning, Little Unicorn landed on Hirosofa!" Thwump! "Yaaaaaay... now surrender, brain."
"Oh goddess, Lyra. How do you do it?"
"HIC! Do what?"
"Remain so ugly and so adorable all at once."
"Cheese and crackers, Bon-Squared. HIC! If I didn't know better, I'd say you were hitting on me."
"Hard to do without boxing gloves."
"Boxing gloves... heh..." A massive, yawning noise. "We have hooves, ya fluffy-headed melon fudge."
"Yeah? So? What if I was hitting on you?"
"Mmmmmmmm... That's silly. You're silly. Silly Bon Bon."
"Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
"Heeheehee... hmmmmmm... Las Pegasus doesn't... smell so awful... at least not this pillow."
"It's a nice city so long as you're here."
Silence.
"Lyra?"
More silence.
Bon Bon sighed. "Oh Lyra..."
Curious, Rainbow Dash shuffled the weight of Caramel in her embrace and craned her neck. She stared out the door, catching sight of Bon Bon kneeling by a couch where a thoroughly tuckered-out unicorn was lying down in a mint-green heap.
Bon Bon smiled. She reached out, carressing the sleeping musician's bangs. "What a hopeless jerk." Bon Bon gulped, her eyelashes fluttering. "One of these days... I hope you let me save you... mmmm... s-save me..."
She sighed, smiled, and sighed again. Her muzzle drifted closer—just a feather's sneeze away from Lyra's lips. She hesitated, giggled, and leaned back with a bittersweet breath.
"Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." A giggle, a yawn, and another giggle. Bon Bon then turned around three times and—PLOP!—curled up on the plush carpet besides Lyra's couch, slumbering away.
Rainbow Dash exhaled.
"Mmmmmmm..." Caramel fidgeted in her grasp. "I want... the blue ballgown..."
"Hmmmf... good choice." Rainbow Dash shouldered the weight of the stallion and carried him over to the bath. She grabbed a folded washcloth along the way with her wingtips. "Come on, princess. Let's rinse the goth off you. You'll thank me in the morning."
"Heeeeeeeeeeeee... 'goth off.'"
"Easy for you to say." And Rainbow kicked the shower water on with her hoof.
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The title had me all excited for a moment. Really should've learned by now...
There will be no romance in this fic. At least the romance that we want
Yup. The ships are not sailing tonight.
That...sounds absolutely nasty.
7072979 but everyone loves lyra and bon bon romance
[youtube=OqAkq8v6LuQ]
7073008 I have nothing against it, and the fact that many do like it is probably one reason why that ship hasn't sailed yet in this story.
However, if we do get it, we'll definitely get it before appledash ever comes close to happening.
....
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/bln/images/3/36/Taokaka.png/revision/latest?cb=20120326202314
"Poly tits? Awesome! Is that a new type of boobies?"
I couldn't resist, I'm so sorry!
7073024
Damnit, I knew someone would be me to it.
*sigh.*
Only Just Essay. Only Just Essay.
7073130 Oh you still hold onto the dream of appledash happening, i wish i had that confidence
Everybody is gay for Big Mac, so it doesn't count.
The chapter in which we learn we're getting a Dash of Caramel Apples instead of Appledashery.
Seriously though... How did it just occur to me that Appledashery could mean Rainbow ends up with a member of the Apple family and not necessarily Applejack? I mean, we're obviously not gonna get a Dash of Caramel Apples if Caramel is into Big Mac (Are they distant enough relatives for that not to be socially taboo? Or was the Caramel Apple in the series premier not Caramel? Would Dash even be able to find Caramella atractive having known her as a stallion?), but I have to wonder if the title is a more of an elaborate trap than it already is.
I'm wondering if Rainbow's six words are "I wish you would save me". I could see JE being sneaky and trying to slip a variation of the phrase into the story.
7074081 AH AH
7074125
Yes, Caramel Apple is not Caramel.
mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Caramel_Apple
When your ponies are so drunk they can't quite remember to stay in character.
Seriously, is anypony in Ponyville attracted to a stallion who isn't Big Mac?
(Outside his immediate family?)