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"The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise."- David Wallace

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The Regidarians

2,109 members follow Regidar

Regidar follows 130 members

Carnival of Comedy

  • Onions Vinyl Scratch and her donkey companion must reach an onion hidden beneath Canterlot palace before it's too late. Unfortunately, princess Celestia and her swarm of guards aren't too keen on letting them in. by Good Christian Ethesto 10,567 words · 1,257 views · 93 likes · 28 dislikes
  • OH JESUS! The new My Little Dashie. by Chuckward 3,279 words · 2,242 views · 108 likes · 117 dislikes

Crappy Comedies

Places To Do And Shit To Be

The Antlers Saga

  • His Thorn on the Rose Caramel is in love with Roseluck, but she can't return the feelings. by Regidar 4,778 words · 1,821 views · 173 likes · 12 dislikes
  • He Gave Her A Rose He gave her a rose. She began to understand. by Regidar 1,192 words · 1,918 views · 269 likes · 9 dislikes
  • Hospice Caramel deals with several very unhealthy relationships. by Regidar 9,519 words · 1,004 views · 132 likes · 8 dislikes
  • Cold War Caramel spends Hearth's Warming's Eve, Hearth's Warming Day, and The Day After in a state of perpetual flux. by Regidar 5,407 words · 411 views · 28 likes · 5 dislikes

The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best

  • Austraeoh Rainbow Dash flies east. by Imploding Colon 212,744 words · 25,312 views · 1,939 likes · 68 dislikes
  • I Need You To Be Brave Grief happens differently for different creatures. For Spike the dragon, it is an unending ache as he remembers the pony he loved best. by MidnightDancer 3,066 words · 2,938 views · 316 likes · 7 dislikes
  • Happy Ending I was pretty happy with my life. Then I got a filly. Now... I'm not so sure. by plumander 4,552 words · 1,456 views · 134 likes · 7 dislikes
  • Nothing Shocks Me Anymore Things get a little weird when a crazy pony starts a diary. by SusieBeeca 6,397 words · 1,275 views · 69 likes · 1 dislikes
  • Discord's Ant Farm Awakening after the apocalypse, Discord searches for a purpose in a barren Equestria. by Fiddlebottoms 2,619 words · 1,879 views · 147 likes · 6 dislikes

The Boy Also Writes

  • E When You Were God

    Princess Celestia isn't God, and yet they still treat her like she is.  · Regidar
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  • T Oh Baby

    Big Mac takes the Cake Twins out for a romantic night on the town.  · Regidar
    1,804 words · 756 views  ·  56  ·  64
  • T The Inadequacy

    Shining Armor's anxiety mounts as his wife's due date draws ever closer.  · Regidar
    6,038 words · 2,756 views  ·  281  ·  14
  • T Spanksgiving

    Every year in the late fall, Pinkie Pie indulges in a tradition that the others have grown quite tired of.  · Regidar
    1,849 words · 820 views  ·  66  ·  11 · sex
  • E Gathering Storm

    Rainbow Dash sets a storm into motion.  · Regidar
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  • T Weight

    Twilight Sparkle is completely fine, regardless of whatever she thinks.  · Regidar
    1,739 words · 2,513 views  ·  218  ·  15
  • T Oneohtrix Point Never

    Twilight Sparkle discovers a strange, new set of caverns under her castle.  · Regidar
    5,685 words · 500 views  ·  61  ·  8
  • T I Ragrit Nothing

    Pinkie Pie gets Twilight's feedback on a new change she's undertaken.  · Regidar
    1,164 words · 1,186 views  ·  114  ·  11
  • T Twinkies

    Pinkie pries Twilight away from the blissful arms of sleep in order to solve a delectable disaster.  · Regidar
    2,572 words · 1,937 views  ·  176  ·  13
  • E Sail To The Moon

    Luna reconciles her emotions with her place in the world.  · Regidar
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Neon Tiger


Clown Prince Of Crime

#587238 · 37m, 46s ago ·   ·   ·    

You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension— a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into Regidar's Profile.

All you need to know about me in one.gif

[7/3/13 7:26:10 AM] Apple Bot™: He's like a cockroach

[7/3/13 7:26:15 AM] Apple Bot™: Useless, but fun to kill!

"I've been singing Fall Out boy like nobody's business and it's all your fault!  So thank you."  ~Ponky

Title based on followers (circa 2012)

Less than 100: Unknown

100-200: Known

200-300: Big League

300-400: Awesome Sauce

400-500: Shining Beacon of Literature

500-600: One of the Greats

600-700: King

700-800: Demigod

800-900: Hero of the Site

900-1000: Legend

1000-2000: Godly

2000+: Ellimist (Good), Crayak (Bad)

Current title: Godly

Courtesy of Plyxe

Courtesy of Zaid Valroa

Beat Your Meat Into A Hasty Retreat

Sep
16th
2016

My feet rumbled through the halls, marching across the grand fields of wooden planks, arms tearing away at the spiderwebs of smoke that lazily drifted through the air. I had started my odyssey miles away, completely oblivious to the most monumental event that had ever occurred in my life. It wasn’t until a buzzing in my pocket and a simple arm movement accompanied by a flash of light sent me tearing down the sidewalks and alleyways in a zigzag pattern across town, my muscles too senile to recall the correct path.

I tore through the yellow tape as if it were made of tissue, ignoring the yellow-clad stormtroopers and their hydrocanons pounding mercilessly against the windows and walls of my fortress. I kicked the crumbling portcullis down—with one thrust in an instant or a thousand over the course of an hour, it mattered not—and found myself looking at the haze of grey and confronted with rolling waves from an ocean of light and heat that wished for nothing more than the liberation of my soul from my body in the form of smoke.

I thundered through the kitchen, past the fridge that you had pinned me against when you had first come to accept me; past the dining room table where we discussed Tchaikovsky and Elvrum, Wallace and Keyes; past the sofa that we had drunken white wine and taken sleeping pills on and fell asleep to the soft harps wafting from a record player, now melted; past the cutlery block, which held the knife you had carved last Halloween’s lanterns with and had used to let the blood from my throat, now burning with more acrid smoke than any time I had consumed a cigarette.

I took the stairs two at a time, then three, then six; when I made the last jump, my foot broke through the flimsy wood, hundreds of spirits rushing from the gash I had kicked. Swirling around me, they wrapped themselves in a warm blanket, pressing oxygen from my vicinity; yet I did not care, for it was more comfortable than any time I had lain in bed.

With my foot half-sunk into the step, I heard a shrill cry that drove the smothering spirits from me and motivated me to wrench myself to the top of the landing. Covered in flecks of ash, sawdust, and crumbling drywall, I dragged myself across the floor, tearing a long gash in my shirt, which I had received as a gift from the bringer of this great ocean. Pushing myself to my feet, I ran past the bedroom we had shared, door slightly ajar, wide enough just so I could see the fiery consummation of the bed that we had torn to shreds a thousand times in both times of peace and while hiding in the bunker from the shells of the blitzkrieg above.

I came to a stop, but my feet slid across the grey wood, tearing up the thin skin that had settled on it during my vigorous searching of my home. I was standing before the great oak doors to my study, both broken off their hinges and stacked neatly to the side. The walls had been covered in wails of lipstick, transformed into an index of my injustices and various failures. Papers from immeasurable books, now all but kindling, echoed a pale orange haze, but I was not set on that sight; instead, I was reaching out through the veil of the powdered glass snow that had begun to fall upon everyone in the room, and the beacon that had called me there was suddenly impossible to find.

The beam splintered from the rest of the frame and came sailing down towards me, its path escaping the fate of nondetection when I looked up to ascertain the source of the great groan it made when it broke free. Stunned, I could do nothing but shake as it hung, suspended by nothing but my imagination, before I turned my gaze upon my desk again. I saw her look back at me with my eyes, opening your mouth, tiny fists clinging tight to the wisps of smoke that drifted above her, almost as if she were playing with twine. The beam was inches from my flaming hair, and I could almost hear the opening score of my life triumphantly and inconsequentially rising amidst the cacophony of ashes.

But in that moment I did not settle in to watch a reel of my achievements, but instead was presented the conjured image of a tapestry displaying static moments that I had embroidered stories beneath. I saw how you would play with matches and kerosine, how you screamed and rose like an unstoppable wall of water, how you washed away my features and left me to blindly tear pockets into the skin in a desperate effort to breath. I saw how I had extinguished the candles with my bare fingers, how I had wandered the vacant basement lined with teeth and feathers from the previous occupants just to avoid seeing or speaking to you, how I had swallowed however many countless liters of pointless poison and injected myself with the essence of a flower that sang songs and evoked phantoms in the corner of my mind instead of tending to your heaving and bloated frame that you had carried with you for the better part of a year. I saw how you cut the cards in half, how you shuffled the deck and played poker with our dinner of instant ramen and the textbooks you had stolen in an effort to better understand why you lived the way you did. I saw how the shining stars of Orion’s Belt extinguished themselves all at the same time, how you tore the fur from the back of our labrador pup barely a week old, how the screaming sirens beckoned me towards blue and red flashing sea cliffs, how I collapsed when the smoke overwhelmed me, how I traveled through those great dark serpentines and endless corridors, how the ceiling caved in and crushed both me and the part of myself that I had trusted with you.

And when the final scream of the final child died in my ears, I saw how I was in neither heaven nor hell but back inside the sterile hospital ward where the nurse who knew you a bit too well shook her head and told me “Sometimes, it is better to curse the dark rather than risk burning the entire building to the ground.”

And now, my bashed head—blood on the floor—is quiet, and the house—finally unable to sustain the inferno roaring through it—collapsed in upon itself.

feedback appreciated

Report Regidar · 50 views · #original fiction

The World Is Quiet (Here)

  • Sail To The Moon Luna reconciles her emotions with her place in the world. by Regidar 2,446 words · 678 views · 81 likes · 5 dislikes
  • Cute Without The "E" Babs Seed shows Apple Bloom around a part of Manehatten. by Regidar 3,980 words · 2,831 views · 290 likes · 23 dislikes
  • The Ghost Vinyl's home is haunted. by Regidar 2,676 words · 1,882 views · 165 likes · 9 dislikes
  • Viewing 5,367 - 5,376 of 5,376
#5,376 · 18m, 16s ago · · ·

This is, on a small scale, kinda illegal, but fuck it, when have you been a shmuck?

Just in case you can't get your hands on this shit.

#5,375 · 2d, 8h ago · · ·

>>2307010 100 percent end my life

#5,373 · 4w, 12h ago · · ·

>>2286365 l-love you too

#5,372 · 4w, 21h ago · · ·

I love you. Oo-ooo. Doo-doo-doo doo doo. Woman, I can hardly express...

#5,371 · 4w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2282032

Kek- tis a pity. You have the right kind of satirical mind and skill to do it.

#5,370 · 4w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2281534 no

Kkat blocked me by the way, huge surprise

#5,369 · 5w, 5h ago · · ·

https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/665907/afterthoughts-the-times-they-are-a-changeling#comment/4171478

Think you could make something good out of the premise in this comment?

#5,368 · 5w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2275870 i would do the same in his position tbh

  • Viewing 5,367 - 5,376 of 5,376
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