Joined March 2012
110,316 story views
11h, 51m ago

A thirtysomething Brony from Pennsylvania with a library degree.

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If you've found value in the stories I've written, consider chipping something in to the tip jar. Money goes towards reducing stress associated with financial issues. Every little bit helps (though PayPal's processing fees mean that I actually lose money on donations lower than $0.25 or so, so please keep that in mind).


  • Flash FogFluttershy must deal with an unusually thick fog as it approaches Ponyville.114,693 words ·13,342 views ·1,514 likes ·28 dislikes
  • ApexA new predator arrives in the fire geyser swamp, challenging the dominance of the chimera.5,712 words ·875 views ·140 likes ·1 dislikes
  • PandeliriumCelestia decides to attempt to reform Discord, so she taps a pony with a similar background for the job. ("Keep Calm and Flutter On" as it occurs in the Petriculture AU.)77,413 words ·7,186 views ·786 likes ·14 dislikes
  • πTrixie returns to Ponyville to challenge Twilight Sparkle. ("Magic Duel" as it occurs in the Petriculture AU.)13,511 words ·5,772 views ·851 likes ·12 dislikes
  • The Final Accusation: A Legal Comedy A dozen years after ascending to become an alicorn, Applejack rules on the case of Tiara v. FlimFlam21,338 words ·2,446 views ·351 likes ·6 dislikes
  • AvocationPenumbra seeks gainful employment.4,557 words ·6,799 views ·1,190 likes ·16 dislikes
  • InscapeWhen Twilight is taken by the Nightmare, it's up to Pinkie Pie to rescue her.29,301 words ·18,836 views ·2,159 likes ·29 dislikes
  • So, Just What Went Wrong, Anyway?Before Applejack's pep rally, Derpy was acting really weird... even for her. This is why.5,213 words ·3,272 views ·330 likes ·5 dislikes
  • Wild, Sweet & CoolRainbow Dash wants to add strength training to her regimen by having Twilight Sparkle ride her.34,747 words ·14,541 views ·1,606 likes ·25 dislikes
  • PetricultureTwilight tries to figure out how rock farming works.6,716 words ·37,247 views ·2,739 likes ·39 dislikes


This isn't a list of my favorite things; rather it's an incomplete list of things that have directly influenced my storytelling. If you have any questions about how they've influenced me, feel free to leave a comment in my User Page's comment section.


The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling

The Mercury trilogy by Robert Kroese

The plays of William Shakespeare


Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell

The Genesis of Science by James Hallam


Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy

The Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Video Games

Persona 4


School of Seven Bells

The New Radicals

The Stone Roses

The entire subgenre of psychedelic trance.

The Petriculture Cycle

  • Petriculture Twilight tries to figure out how rock farming works. by Kwakerjak 6,716 words · 37,247 views · 2,739 likes · 39 dislikes
  • Inscape When Twilight is taken by the Nightmare, it's up to Pinkie Pie to rescue her. by Kwakerjak 29,301 words · 18,836 views · 2,159 likes · 29 dislikes
  • Avocation Penumbra seeks gainful employment. by Kwakerjak 4,557 words · 6,799 views · 1,190 likes · 16 dislikes
  • π Trixie returns to Ponyville to challenge Twilight Sparkle. ("Magic Duel" as it occurs in the Petriculture AU.) by Kwakerjak 13,511 words · 5,772 views · 851 likes · 12 dislikes
  • Pandelirium Celestia decides to attempt to reform Discord, so she taps a pony with a similar background for the job. ("Keep Calm and Flutter On" as it occurs in the Petriculture AU.) by Kwakerjak 77,413 words · 7,186 views · 786 likes · 14 dislikes

It's the very first outline I made when planning out Petriculture in February 2012. As you can see, it's... well, it's rather different than the story I eventually ended up with. For those who haven't heard me explain this before, this was originally to be a slice-of-life about the CMC attempting to get their cutie marks in rock farming. It changed drastically because at the time, I couldn't come up with a satisfactory explanation of what rock farming actually was, or how it might have possibly worked. Most of those frustrations ended up being transferred to Twilight Sparkle in the finished story. Of course, I eventually did come up with an approach that satisfied me, and you can find variations of that approach in both Flash Fog and Pandelirium.

But enough rambling. Here's the main event:


Starring Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Pinkie Pie, and her sisters [Shoofly Pie and Rhubarb Pie?]

1. Background/Arrival at Pie & Daughters Rock Farm

2. Introductions

- S&R "smile" (barely).

3. Get up before dawn to turn over rocks.

- How rock farming actually works.

4. Bored!

- S&R tell "jokes"

"What did the pumice say to the gneiss?"

Apple Bloom wasn't certain what those things were, so she truthfully answered: "Um, I dunno. What?"

"Do you have any change?"

"Ha, ha, ha," Rhubarb said, not bothering to change her neutral expression. "That was a good one, Shoofliana. It is funny because gneiss is metamorphic, and thus would have already "changed," unlike the igneous pumice."

"Thank you, Rhubarbara," Shoofly replied.  "I just came up with that on my own."

Apple Bloom did her best to force out a laugh.  "Heh-heh, yeah, that, was pretty good, ah guess."

"You think so? Perhaps I should tell another."

"Uh, don't we got a whole field of rocks to turn over?" Apple Bloom asked hurriedly.

5. Dinner

- "Actually, the fact that more muscles are used means that each muscle has less work to do, which means that frowning is much easier than smiling."

6. After dinner - "Clopping" (basically Riverdance, but with ponies)

7. Next day - Harvest!

8. Party! (For maybe 15 minutes, since outward expressions of happiness tire the Pies out quickly.)

9. Back home

- Rock farming is out, but Apple Bloom and Sweetie Pie can't wait to tell Scootaloo about their new idea - Clopping!

Kwakerjak · 244 views · Edited 2d, 11h ago · Report · Story: Petriculture

I realize this is a bit out of nowhere, but a while back, I was signing up for something, and I was offered a slew of security questions in case I forgot my password. One option was something along the lines of "What is your favorite movie?" I thought to myself, "That's way too general--there are so many movies I like, that I can't pick just one."

Now, I understand perfectly well that you'd want a question like that to be general, to make it more difficult for a stranger to guess, but it started me thinking about more specific questions about my personal taste that I could answer with more certainty. What follows are the questions I came up with, followed by my (genuine) answers.

What is your favorite...

... Harry Potter novel?

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

... Final Fantasy game?

Final Fantasy XII.

... Radiohead song?


... episode of Cowboy Bebop?

"Toys In The Attic."

... Lord of the Rings movie?

Trick question: It's only one movie, split into three parts.

... ice cream topping?

Hot fudge.

... player on the 2008 Philadelphia Phillies?

Jamie Moyer.

... question from this list?

I'm gonna have to go with the Lord of the Rings one. The joke was kind of predictable, but it made me smile while writing it.

Kwakerjak · 254 views · Report


#1278924 · 8w, 1d ago · · ·

eating words from a book! :pinkiehappy:

#1235505 · 11w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1235413 - It's certainly true that it's most evident in The Final Accusation, but other, more subtle influences are seen in Flash Fog. Sowell goes to great length in one chapter to explain that, much like corporations, government bureaucracies are not monolithic entities, but consist of individuals with varying degrees of talent, insight, and ethical standards. Also, government bureaucracies have very different incentives than those in the private sector, which is why their actions often appear irrational to outside observers.

It also taught me quite a bit about how the insurance industry actually works (and what it actually does), which allowed me to come up with a somewhat plausible reason for Caligo to avoid sharing information without depicting them as evil and greedy. For that matter, the idea that a for-profit corporation's actions shouldn't be attributed to greed comes from Basic Economics, too. Sowell goes to great length to demonstrate that he is not expressing a personal opinion in this matter; he notes that even Karl Marx admitted that capitalists can't set prices any higher than the market will allow. As far as mainstream economists are concerned, the idea that some capitalists are motivated by greed is so irrelevant that it's not even worthwhile to waste time disputing it.

Finally, the idea that actions are more important than intentions also comes from Sowell. He was talking about various policy decisions, but the point still stands: ultimately, the results that you achieve are far more important than the results you intend. He was talking about well-intended actions with disastrous consequences, but I decided to create a situation where bad intentions (Fluttershy deciding to cheat on her taxes) led to good consequences (Fluttershy becoming an effective leader), because I have a rather warped sense of humor.

#1235413 · 11w, 5d ago · · ·

Hey there! Mind if I ask how Basic Economics has influenced your stories? It shines through in The Last Accusation but is there anywhere else where its influence shows?

#1195040 · 15w, 6h ago · · ·

love your chimera fic heres some stuff you might enjoy

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