How’ve you all been? Hope you’re all enjoying your November and slow transition into the winter months. My envy goes out to those in the upper midwest expected to get 13’ of snow here shortly. I love snow.
Anyway, why I’m blogging:
I’m sure you’ve all noticed how inactive I’ve been recently, especially after I had so many plans to write my ass off for three stories over October and two writeoffs that never happened for me and this NaNiPoWriMo that i’ve quite literally ignored since day one.
Life’s been… interesting lately, in both a wonderful and equally anguishing manner, and I need to get these feelings off my chest. I hope you guys don’t mind me spilling a bit of my heart out on here.
I met a girl. Around the start of October, when I moved back home for a job—my first in my career (hospital laboratory! Woo!). Job’s great, what I’ve been looking forward to for years, but I never expected to meet a girl in the lab across the hall that could just sweep me off my feet so wholly at the same time. These last two months have been both a beautiful dream and a nightmare.
We spent the first half talking, which eventually turned into what I saw as dating. Life was perfect for a solid two weeks, until she made me aware that she didn’t see all the fun things we’d done as ‘dating.’
I can get being shy and not wanting to fully express her feelings, but to hear that still hit hard, and coupling that with very little texting interaction, which has been the main form of asking her out, that has almost completely fallen to the wayside makes it hard to know what she still thinks about me. Whenever I’m with her, she’s still appears just as interested in me as when we started, but the lack of communication outside of that is still concerning. She’s been sick the last like nine days with a bad cold of some sort, but without her committed word of ‘dating’, I can’t shake that slipping, slipping, watching her fall away feeling.
Inaction, and she could simply fade out of my life. Overaction, and I risk pushing her away. Leaving it to seeing her at work is the safe plan, but that comes with the possibility of turning into nothing more than part of her routine, which could potentially lead to making me ‘just another guy’ in her eyes. And all the while I’m sitting here with little to busy myself with each day, wanting to occupy myself to some extent with anything and everything I can get my hands on to avoid said overaction.
Writing had become too hard to do, because the process of sitting still and thinking that comes with writing leads to thinking of her rather than ponies (reading’s even harder). Even video games have been hard to focus on, Fallout 4 the only thing that has been able to immerse me enough to get my mind off her.
It wouldn’t be so bad if I still had my friend base with me, but they all live two or more hours away, and with myself working night shift, it’s pretty much impossible to hang out with them. And I have almost no friends back home due to being away for five years (college/grad school).
Physical fitness has jumped way up the totem pole. I’ve bought one of those doorway pull-up bars and resistance grippers and I got back into running more consistently, but working out only takes up so much of my day. I want to stay calm about it all, but it’s near impossible to do.
Why does love hurt so much?
If you didn’t tl;dr that, thanks for reading. I feel a little better having written all that. Not looking for drama or hugboxxing, but comments and constructive thought are definitely welcome.
Anyway… I’ll try and get back on this high horse, rediscover my single-life hobbies, if only to keep myself from ruining this beautiful, delicate work of art I’ve stumbled upon. I might have something new for Mother Dearest up soon, or a short comedy oneshot I thought of the other day.
Also, I just found out thanks to wikiwalking off Present Perfect’s new blog that the guest singer for today’s episode is the lead singer for a throw-back classic rock band, and good god is she phenominal. The Deafening is now one of my favorite bands. Seriously, go check these guys out.