Just a strange person with too much time to think
Every day in Ponyville is the same for the ponies that live there. Few thing happen that cause a change. That is until a strong wind blows Ditzy into Rarity's home. Changing the lives of not only themselves but brings to light Applejack's feelings, as well as her jealousy.
Inspired by the work from CassetteSet on DA
http://cassetteset.deviantart.com/art/More-Derpity-367340872
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There are a few punctuation errors here and there (for instance, "daughters room" should be "daughter's room") but otherwise, this looks promising.
2485792 Thank you, I always seem to miss punctuation.
I really like the scene of Big Mac giving Winona table scraps, and AJ's endearing amusement thereof. It may not be necessary for the story, but it just really adds depth and vivaciousness to the story, and the story only benefits from this scene inclusion, honestly. It's like icing on muffins, you don't have to have it to enjoy, but it makes it that much better if you do.
A suggestion, if I may. You've included the scene where Rarity smacks derpy. Was it with hooves, a ruler, tape measure, etc.? Was it a medium smack, with the sting to convey, "You're interfering with my work, keep still." or a light smack with lesser pain, but conveying a more, "you're doing it again, be still." Was it a strong smack, with stronger pain conveying, "I'm gonna tear into your flank if you move again." Granted the last one's probably pretty unlikely, but unless you're just including the action to simply progress the story, with no desire to dwell any further on the impact or implications thereof, flesh the scene out, rewrite it. Describe the sound of the smack, the sensations felt by the victim and if relevant the offender. Describe if the flank where the hit impacted changed color, to perhaps a darker grey color, with the flesh underneath becoming more red. Does Ditzy taste the iron metallic taste of blood, biting her lips hard enough to draw blood? Is her mouth dry and cotton tasting from fear and nervousness? Does her eyes shift more rapidly, watching out for another possible smack by Rarity? Vivid, intense descriptions of scenes can really only improve a story, however taxing it may be to sustain that intensity of descriptiveness.
2500385 My notes say she was hit by a ruler, but after reading that part I decided to go with a hoof instead. I think I was distracted at that point which is why the scene was skipped. It's good ya caught that or I never would have noticed.
Can't wait for more.
Any update coming? I'd like to know how it ends!
3018981 I'm a bit stuck in the middle of the next chapter. But hopefully soon.
Well good to know I'm not the only one to think that Sweetie would be able to cook flambe and other fire related foods well.
I love this story, derpy really deserves someone who treats her right and i dont think the dr would do that. Considering he always seems to be with rose atleast.