Chapter 8: Sweet Apple Nightmare
"Ehhhh....Alrighty deh Miss Sparkle. Aie will see yew tomorrow den." Arnold released an enormous yawn from such an eventful day.
The sapient purple mare prepared a bed consisting of books and a pillow on the lower floor of the library. Appearing to be somewhat uncomfortable and stiff, Arnold shrugged off the appearance and placed himself on the makeshift bed. His eyes slowly closed due to the cumbersome fatigue of the day. He was vast off into a deep sleep. The Austrian Oak would transcend into the realm of dreams, only to be greeted by an indistinct figure on the other side. The figure appeared to be no other than Celestia's misunderstood sister, Princess Luna.
"Huzzah! Thy lovely Austrian Bodybuilder has arrived! Thoust whom tamed the mighty Ursa Minor with his mighty strength and charming words! Tell me now brave Schwarzenegger, is thou existence in your world aisth lonely aisth I? Does thou seeketh refuge from misconception and misunderstanding?" The lunar mare projected to the bodybuilder with middle age dialect.
"Ahm sorreh Miss Woonah, but aie want tew get back with Mariah Shriver. Yew see, aie've did saum regretful things in mai past. Howeveh, dis vibrant colorful world presents a whole new opportunity fer meh. If aie were evah to return to mai world, how would mai society look at meh if aie married aeh poneh? It jaust doesn't seem right tew meh." Arnold returned to the night Princess. She was somewhat grief stricken from his words.
"....Nonsense, human! We shall make a majestic couple forever in Canterlot! I shall teach you the ways of immortality and eternal youth! Howth can one refuse such an offer? Share my throne with my sister, and we shall rule over Equestria for eons to cometh!" The Princess shouted with upmost pride. She slowly trotted towards the Austrian Oak, as the walls in the dreamscape closed in around them. Arnold backed away from the approaching mare. He released a cold sweat when his back made contact with an translucent wall.
"NAOUGH! WAIT WOONAH! YEW DON'T HAVE TO DO DIS! PLEASE RECONSIDER WHAT YER ABOUT TO DO!" Arnold panicked when Princess Luna placed her fore hooves on the wall behind him. There was no escape for the Austrian Oak now.
"PREPARE THY MOUTH FOR A ROYAL KISS MY SUBJECT!" Princess Luna shouted deafeningly in Arnold Schwarzenegger's ear. The dark blue snout of the nightly mare proceeded towards Arnold's lips. Just before she made contact with the human, the dreamscape shattered and collapsed around the two. The dawn of a new day beamed through the windows of the Golden Oaks Library. Arnold woke up with a cold sweat. Twilight appeared in front of the Austrian bodybuilder with a premade breakfast for him.
"Good morning Mr. Schwarzenegger! As you can see, I've managed to make breakfast for you!"
Twilight expressed a bright smile in front of the Austrian Oak, who appeared to be horrified by his previous lucid dream. The brainy mare misinterpreted his expression as distasteful.
"Wait a minute, is something wrong Mr. Schwarzenegger? Did I mess up your food arrangement? Oh no, I better check the book again!"
Twilight skimmed through the pages of her breakfast manual with uncertainty and discontent. After realizing that he was conscious and present inside the colorful pastel-world, Arnold emitted a slight yawn and stretched out his arms. He eased the tensile purple mare, who was busy skimming though the pages of her culinary book.
"Good moarning Twilight Sparkle. Don't worrieh, eit's naut yew food dat startled meh. Just had aeh lucid nightmare is aough."
"Phew, thank Celestia! So I suppose you didn't sleep well then? I'm sorry, was it the books that made you uncomfortable? I'll ask Princess Celestia for a mattress by tonight. Anyways, Applejack is waiting outside for you. Make sure you eat up for a busy day on the farm!" Twilight gleamed with a innocent but dorky persona. She levitated the food tray over Arnold's lap.
The food tray was sagaciously arranged with orange juice, oatmeal, a hay salad, and scrambled eggs that contained bits of fish from Fluttershy's stream. Despite the hay salad being unusual towards him, Arnold proceeded to eat everything else from the tray. Spike crossed his arms with disgust, while Twilight patiently awaited for Arnold to finish his breakfast.
"Why does he get all the special treatment? When was the last time you've made breakfast for me Twilight?" Spike said with disgust without Arnold's discretion.
"Spike! Knock it off! Don't be rude to our only human house guest! He's an author and a philosophizer for Pete sakes! Not to mention he's kinda cute....." Twilight's eyes drift over to Arnold, who was busy cleaning himself off.
"But I thought you had a crush on Flash Sentry...." Spike raised a single eyebrow over to the star gazed purple mare.
"Yeah....But Flash Sentry has NOTHING over this intelligent beefcake! Besides, how many guys did you know back in that world who were as huge as him? Oh, he's perfect Spike. Think about it.....An author and a reader as a couple? Perhaps he entered this world for a specific purpose. Maybe he arrived here to complete us both....."
"Oh please Twilight, your species aren't even remotely the same for crying out loud! How can you possibly date somepony....uh.....someone like that?"
"I'll think of something along the way Spike....." Twilight brushed her chin with her fore hoof. She deliberately though of a plan to transform the Austrian Oak into one of her own. Spike paced over to the front door and opened it for the bodybuilder, who politely thanked Twilight for a satisfying meal. Applejack was propped up against the tree library on the outside. She returned to her normal stature after Spike closed the door behind them.
"Howdy there partner! Y'all ready for some hard work on Sweet Apple Acres farm? Ah guarantee the work will be a good ol' prep to the gym!" Applejack projected to Arnold with a strong southern accent.
"Yew bet yer orange southern flank dat ahm readeh! So, what's on deh agenda fer today?" Arnold asked. The two proceeded towards Sweet Apple Acres.
"Boy, do we got a lot of chores to do! Ah see that yer a mighty strong fellow with a good head on his shoulders, so can y'all help my brother lift a few things? Fall is right around the corner, so we gotta make sure the animal feed is in stock. Aile be buckin' a few trees in the meantime. Also, the barn can use a repaintin' before sundown. I'll let Applebloom assist you along the way." Applejack proposed the list of chores for Arnold.
"Alright Applejack, Aile help yew with a few things around deh fahm. No problemo'. " Arnold returned enthusiastically to Applejack.
"I like yer enthusiasm partner. With that kind of attitude, we should be done in no time."
The two followed a dirt pathway that eventually led to Sweet Apple Acres. Along the way, many mares and stallions in town cheered on Austrian Oak. Lyra and Bon Bon were present in the audience at the time being.
"Was he the one that you were bragging about Lyra? The one who tamed Ursa Minor with no spells whatsoever?" Bon Bon asked her best pony friend.
"Yep! He even gave me the opportunity to hitch a ride on his back! You see that? I told you that humans are real Bon Bon!" Lyra bounced like a school girl in the crowd of ponies. She shouted at the bodybuilder in amidst of the large congestion, but however her call out could not be heard.
After a good hour or so, the two finally arrived at the front gate of Sweet Apple Acres. Big Macintosh and Applebloom trotted towards the gate to meet the famed Austrian bodybuilder for themselves.
"Good mornin' sister. Ah'm glad that y'all made it in one piece. So this is the human that y'all been talkin' bout since last night's supper. Mornin' mister..." Big mac extended a polite greetings towards the bodybuilder.
"Oh wow! He sure is interestin' ain't he? The name's Applebloom mister! Ah gotta get the cutie mark crusaders over here to meet y'all later today. Heard you were a blank flank just like us! Maybe we can go on an adventure after we're done paintin'." Applebloom exclaimed with enthusiasm.
"Maybe lader, liddle one. We got to do our work first before play tiame. So, where dew we begin?" Arnold asked the Apple trio. Big mac proceeded to give instruction for the Austrian bodybuilder.
"Follow me, mister. Aile show y'all were the animal feed is on the farm. Applebloom, why don't you get the paint cans ready in the meantime? There gonna need stirring before you and this human here can apply the coats to the barn."
"Ahm on it big Brother!" Applebloom saluted her older brother, before taking off into the farm to fetch the paint cans. The trio departed for their assigned chores. Arnold followed intently on the left side of the big red stallion. As Big Mac pointed out where to place the animal feed sacks inside the barn, he demanded to have a word with the Austrian bodybuilder before going outside again.
"Now listen here Mister, ahm only gonna say this once to you. This isn't the first time that mah sister extended her hospitality for the opposite gender. If aile catch y'all foolin' around somewhere on the barn, so help me Celestia I'll buck yer shaved monkey flank beyond yonder. Do I make myself clear with you?" Big mac suddenly snapped at Arnold. The Austrian bodybuilder was caught off guard by his sudden request. However, he slowly nodded his head in agreement.
"Alright good. Now if ya follow me this way please....." Big mac urged the Austrian bodybuilder to follow him yet again.
Hours passed on by. The two assisted each other with handling the cumbersome sacks of animal feed. Each sack of feed weighted around 80 pounds. For the average man who didn't work out, that would be considerably exhausting for one day. In Arnold's case, it was just a prelude for the gym. Granny smith rang the dinner bell on the porch.
"Lunch's ready! Git it while it's hot!" She hollered towards the apple family.
The apple trio, along with Arnold, ceased their work on the farm and trotted to the front doorway of the farm house. The aroma of old fashioned southern cooking filled the air around them. Arnold's stomach growled due to the intensity of hard work for the day. They gathered around the dinner table and gave grace. Afterwards, it was time to feast.
Lunch consisted of mainly apple products from the farm itself. Food such as apple pie, apple crisp, apple fold overs and a apple-hay pecan salad. Luckily for the bodybuilder, the main course of the lunch was apple pizza, even though the other food deterred Arnold's appetite. They passed the food around the dinner table in a circular perimeter.
"Apple pizza? Who would have evah known?" Arnold commented on the unusual pizza, and decided to take a few slices for himself.
"Is somethin' wrong Sugarcube?" Applejack questioned across the table to Arnold.
"Nah, eit's nauthing Applejack. But daoght yew think it's kindeh redundant tew make everehthing out of apples? Why naught have saume varieteh?" Arnold returned to the southern mare.
"Oh we do partner. We get sick of the same old after awhile, but there's so much you can do with apples! After a hard day's work on the farm, any kind of meal is rewardin'. Our apples is what keeps the apple family goin' fer generations to come!" Applejack projected towards Arnold.
"Eeyup!" Big mac exclaimed briefly.
"Well aie gaut tew tell yew dat deh food hear is excellent. Thank yew Granny Smith foah such aeh satisfying meal." Arnold commented on Granny Smith's food preparation and meal.
"Awl, shucks youngin'. It's the least I can do for you." Granny smiled under her wrinkles.
"Now who's ready fer some more work on the farm? Big mac, can ya help Applebloom remove the lids fer the paint cans? Ah gotta have a word with Arnold in private." Applejack urged Arnold to follow her. Applebloom collected the dishes from around the table.
"Eeyup....." Big mac assisted in cleaning up the table. His eyes projected a nasty look over to Arnold.
"Now if y'all can folla me this way....." Applejack's emerald eyes drifted over to the Austrian bodybuilder. He abided to her request. They walked out of the farm house together. She gave the signal to meet her inside the barn. The two would be isolated alone from any outside contact. After entering the barn, the southern mare secured the front entrance with a wooden plank. Arnold examined the storage feed area inside the barn. Without his discretion, Applejack untied her wavy golden mane from behind him.
"So....Sugarcube.....Y'all single?" Applejack spoke in a calm seductive matter. Arnold turned around to respond to the southern mare, to witness her flowing golden mane around her shoulders. She carelessly threw her hat over to a nearby haystack. The Austrian bodybuilder silently gulped to himself.
"Aie......augh......ahm....." The Austrian Oak affixed his eyes on the beautiful southern mare. She walked over to the hulking bodybuilder in a bipedal fashion, so that her stature would meet his. Even though the mare was extremely attractive to him, he recounted Big Mac's warning.
"Applejack....dis eis a bad ideah....." Arnold trembled slightly. Applejack shoved the Austrian Oak onto a hay pile.
"Nah it ain't partner. Mah big brother has a bad habit of scaring off stallions that ah've been interestin' in. Y'all see, it can git very lonely on the farm...bein' in charge over the entire plantation and all....Yer a perfect candidate fer me. Now be quiet and let me do all the work...." Applejack trapped Arnold around her fore hooves. From a distance, the audible marching of hooves approached the front door of the barn. Applejack's lips neared Arnold's. Just before she made contact with him, the barred doorway of the barn crashed inwards with sheer force. The silhouette of a stallion stood at the doorway. He was infuriated by the sight that he witnessed.
"ARNOLD! WHAT DID I TELL YA! GET YER STINKIN' HAND OFF MAH SISTER!"
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Ahh shiz....
Oh Celestia, I can't do it! I can't read any of Arnold's dialogue without cracking up!
I am very well known by my friends and family for having a wonderful Arnold impression, so this story is just became all the more funny to me!
I will thoroughly enjoy this.
2860261 Thanks. I expect to finish everything by the end of this month. There was an individual who had an decent Arnold impersonation that already read the 1st chapter. Feel free to read the fic in your Arnold voice. I will be doing the same once chapter 12 is complete, and after I do a brief revision on everything. Three Arnold's is better than one!
lol, I think Luna meant eternal*
Probably the best applejack line I've ever read dude. Nice, lol. (I recommend avoiding the use of 'as' though, while or then and some sentence restructuring typically look better imo.)
2861362 Ah, the things I don't even catch when I proof read. Thanks, I'll modify that after I'm done with this comment. Also, your right about using "as" in sentence structures. I did modify a few paragraphs earlier today with what you've suggested ironically.
There we go. Done and done.
Azu sent me. And I was not disappointed.
But if you finish this fic without Arnold at least once saying "GET TO THE CHOPPA!" I will be very disappoint.
2865117 I will be sure not to disappoint then.
2865117
Fancy seeing you here.
2860603
Now that I've caught up I must say, that was extremely enjoyable. I noticed errors and such abound, but considering the nature of the story, I don't think that really even matters. The laughs out shine it all. The random tag tag causes me to throw most of my critique out the window.
Also I love how you have Arnold tackle face first into every cliche possible!
There is only one word that can adequately describe just what I think of this story:
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDEvMDEvMThfNTlfMTNfODQ0XzE5OTQzNV9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfdHdpbGlnaHRfc3BhcmtsZV9yYXJpdHlfc3Bpa2VfYW5pbWF0ZWRfbmlnZWxfdGhvcm5iZXJyeV9zbWFzaGluZ181MGUzMzIwMGE0YzcyZDc4ODUwMDBmZmUiXSxbInAiLCJyZXNpemVfZ2lmIiwiMjUweDI1MCJdXQ/199435__250x250.gif
Smashing!
.2867435 thanks for sharing, I haven't laughed so much in a long time.
Hey everyone. I wanted to give a quick update for all my followers and friends out there. You are all probably wondering why there hasn't been any updates recently. I had a serious family emergency (my father specifically). He has a condition called arterial fibrillation and congestive heart failure (meaning that his left value in his heart is inflated). The good news is that my father is receiving medication for his heart. With this being said, updates should resume at a normal pace once again.