When a girl named Dash moves transferred into his school, he was too shy to say anything. However, when people try to gang rape her, he stands up for her and fights them off. That's the beginning of the chain of events leading into a spiral of friendship, love, and horridly, death.
Cover Art By ninjaninjanoob23 on deviantArt
Page generated in 0.089 seconds
Total duration
998 users online
1,652,863 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Damn son, when did he go from poor kid with stubby arms to Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee's love child?
Sadfic is sad...
When I was reading the description I lost my shit when I saw the whole gang rape thing XD
Right now, I would be willing to lay down my life just so she could get a second chance. Alternatively, go grab a quick revive, go back to after the brutal murdering, and force her to drink it. Some bastards have no thought for others
Well I can see where you were trying to go with this, but it needs some work. I personally think you tried to do way too much in such a short story, as a result there is not much "meat" to this hypothetical story sandwich. Your character development was also a little lacking, and I have to agree with Snapple Jack, this character went from being a pathetic loner to action star in less than an hour, just doesn't seem at all feasible. I give you credit for having the guts to submit this. Don't give up, and take your time writing, a really good story requires lots of careful thought and development. Sorry for the length of this comment.
199254
Yeah, I myself was just trying to write a sad fanfic. I was trying to make it lengthy, but not too much, so I just had time to do the story and whatnot
199520
Well unfortunately if you don't develop your characters and make the readers feel a real attachment to them, then we really don't feel any emotional loss when they die or leave or some other literary method that removes them from a story. At any rate each paragraph in this story really needed to be expanded into about 4 paragraphs. I felt more like i was reading an outline than I was a story, If you are looking to revise this story message me and I can help point you in a direction.
199847 Yeah, I kinda felt that way, as well. I was just trying to finish fast so my friend and I could write one together, because this took up a ton of time.
good fic, could'a been better. if you rewrote it, it'd prolly be a bunch better. lol i just stumbled on this fic and decided "hmm this guy sounds like he has balls." was totally right tho.
P.S. first time trying to write a sad fic? was pretty dang good. seemed like it was being told as a memory. kinda like the cutscenes in "the darkness"
208721 Thanks, dude.
234748 The thing with the wind making it unflyable was because it was a gale... It said that... In the text...
199149 Not to be stupid or anything, but... Drink what?
236037 Quick revive is a drink. you can find it in cod black ops zombies. so you force her to drink that, then she quickly revives, and everyone not dead is happy
239182 But that would destroy the story... The entire point is that things move on, but he never stops loving Dash...
However, I could possibly do a sequel of sorts... Maybe about when the ponies first entered through the portal?
234748 Oh, and... It's spelled description. Not discription. Pay attention to squiggly red lines.
198803 oh god that is the best comment I've ever seen on anything
242528 Do so... Or I will get Chuck Norris to pay u a little visit heheheheheehehehehehe.
Very good in my opinion as many others have stated it is a bit short but no major derps
296862 Yeah, I'm considering taking it down and re-writing it. What do you think?
300081 It couldn't hurt but if you change the story already written then it won't be near as good.
so don't change the story other than the length.
This is a really great story!
I have absoulutely no complaints for this.
Wish I could review, like you did.
But I'm a really bad reviewer.
Kthxbai.
...
P.S. Did this get feautured cause It should be.
317168 No, it didn't get featured, but it got 250 of its 558 total views in an hour, so I suppose that counts. Thanks, by the way. I read back over it and found loads of spelling/grammar mistakes, and also that it is, indeed, rushed. I could have been way more descriptive when it came down to it.
THUMBS! THUMBS!THUMBS...UP!
Error: The Show was entertaining, - 'Show' isn't a noun -> The show was entertaining,
Error: The Show was entertaining, and almost no one else liked it. - You're comparing something negatively. -> The Show was entertaining, but almost no one else liked it.
Suggestion: After a horrible forest fire had ravaged the area a century or so before, - Doesn't flow. Get rid of 'had' -> After a horrible forest fire ravaged the area a century or so before,
710160 Yeah... This is my first fic ever, so sorry about the pacing and grammar issues. I'd never reall written before this, so yeah.
And btw, you ever read Ponyfall stuff? I published this a few days before Ponyfall started, and it has the same premise - Ponie sent to Earth via a portal made by Discord. So, yeah. Draequine and I must be telepathically linked.
RAGE!
I like how you left it open. Perhaps write a fic about hunting down said organization? That would be awesome, in a way I guess.
710285 Maybe. I've only gotten three requests for writing more. I'm probably gonna leave it untouched.
199254 New fag.
Anyone who loves someone always goes insane when their loved ones are killed by someone or are dying because of someone. True Fact.