With each painful and haunting step, Silver Shield only received more questions than answers. He knows that with every step, ponies lives are lost. He'd be a fool to think he's getting out of this alive.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 24th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen Mar 9th, 2020
Dry Monkey
Hello and welcome. I aim to please and I won't bite your fingers off.
Dry Monkey
Joined 24th Feb, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Eeveexpert · 52k words · 122 1 · 4.8k views
- Fazed Audio · 4.2k words · 37 0 · 1k views
- Arreis Of Avalon · 6.9k words · 258 3 · 4.8k views
- Kustom95 · 4.9k words · 38 2 · 898 views
- Stingray · 0 words · 24 4 · 0 views
- Regal Shadow · 9.4k words · 85 6 · 2k views
- Skye Mist · 71k words · 25 0 · 883 views
Featured In6
The Writers' Group56,392 stories ·9,291 members
Dark8,311 stories ·3,763 members
- Author Support4,370 stories ·2,069 members
- author help (a group made to help new and old authors with fic's)1,792 stories ·682 members
- Human in Equestria 105 stories ·73 members
Authors Helping Authors8,590 stories ·2,462 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.083 seconds
Total duration
1,039 users online
1,997,263 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
2460446 Thanks!
2569115
Just post the link you want to use in the normal story then copy and paste in the AN, after then deleate the original from the story.
2569154 Oh. Thanks.
wow, interesting story so far. if you don't mind me saying, there is one thing that I noticed. you keep calling them fillies during your flashbacks, which is a young female pony, when I feel that you mean to call them foals, which is a young pony, and non gender orientated. but other than that, interesting story. I will keep reading it :)
2569584 Thanks. Didn't know that. I'll change it.
2571733 no problem, glad I could help
Whenever I see a fic with no downvotes, I take a look at it. It's shaping up to be a very good story, but it needs some proofreading. For example, "I don't like your tone Four-Eyes," needs a comma: "I don't like your tone, Four-Eyes."
I think it may also benefit from some more descriptive detail. If I may offer a suggestion as to how this scene could be made more military:
"STOP THIS MADNESS!" a voice demanded.
It was none other than the knight in 'Shining Armor' here to save the day, but with no damsel in distress at his side and no dragon to slay either.
I'm a veteran and in the military it could look something like this when the commander comes into the chow hall as a fight going on:
***
One of the recruits near the door, a young pegasus, shouted, "ATTENTION!" at the top of his squeaky voice. The room went dead quiet as the three guards immediately stopped and spun around, their heads held up, backs straight, tails down and hooves clicking together at the regulation 45 degree angle as they assumed an erect but slightly relaxed posture. All the recruits did the same, with varying degrees of success.
Captain Shining Armor strode into the mess, his face frighteningly indifferent. "Sergeant Storm Spear, I don't believe combatives training is on the schedule today," he said in a mild tone. "There will be a meeting in my office in five minutes and we can go over the schedule then. Dismissed."
"Yes sir!" responded Storm Spear, his fear only showing in his eyes. The three guards walked very briskly to the door, and we could hear them gallop away as soon as they were outside. The officer looked at Ace and me and cocked his head. "You're platoon guide," he said to me as my eyes bugged out. The he turned his head to Ace. "You're platoon sergeant. You two have fifteen minutes to get these recruits fed and assembled and out front ready for drill."
"Yes sir!" we both called out in utter horror.
Shining Armor turned on his heels and strode out of the mess, yelling "As you were!" as he departed.
***
A good officer will punish you for having leadership qualities by saddling you with responsibilities. He also would never publicly scold an NCO, particularly in front of recruits. Neither would he be friendly with recruits in front of other recruits, but how he deals with them behind closed doors could be another matter.
I hope you don't mind, but you did ask for criticism. Liked and faved.
2684294 Thanks for the info. I'm glad you like my story. Hell, I feel ecstatic. Criticism is greatly appreciated for this story seeing as how it's my first.
2685253 That's how I feel. Tell me what I can do better, not what I've done well. Well, actually, throw a little bit of that in too...