"Boss? Boss? We got one!"
Shivering and sweating as he sat behind his desk - he hadn't been petted in weeks - the Manehattan Mob Boss, Stal Capone, perked up as one of his underlings burst in. "Yeah?" he growled. "What's it like?"
"Male," said underling replied, "hands look good, nice and strong..."
"Damn it, GET HIM IN HERE!" the Boss all-but-roared. It was done; the human was led in and the Boss carefully inspected him. 'Good. This human was convinced, and not forced to come like the last one. Hands and body look great...'
"You know why you're here?" the Boss growled. When the human shook his head, Capone pulled the Fedora from his head, shook out his shaggy mane. "You're gonna pet me. We're gonna love it. An' if you don't... I'll make you sleep wit' da fishes..." When the human made no move to come towards him, Capone sighed... and then he used the trick that all humans fell for: the Classic Foal PoutTM--he softened his expression, eyes widened, made himself look cute despite the circumstances...
... and then, at last, the poor pony moaned gently as he felt the human's hands move through his mane to massage his aching shoulders, stroke along his neck, and scratch behind his ears. Almost immediately, poor Capone felt better; his thoughts cleared, and he stopped shaking and sweating as he took the human's scent into his nose, and licked softly, hesitantly at a finger when it brushed too close to his lips, tasting the slight salty flavor of the human's sweat. "Oh, yeah..." Capone groaned softly, relaxing into the human's hesitant, gentle touch, "yeah, dat's da stuff... Damn Celestia fo' outlawin' dis..."
"Celestia outlaws [petting]. Well, we all know what happens then. It goes underground. Crime rings pop up, with humans forced to give rubs. Gangs of ponies hunting and capturing people. Oh the horror, the horror."--Cogsworth Wingthrop
Cogsworth, I blame you for this one!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm laughing hard at this.
Just... illegal underground pettings because Celestia outlawed it.
Al Capone expy sending out his boys to convince a human to pet him.
My sides, man.
Funny, but also slightly creepy.