Page generated in 0.033 seconds
Total duration
979 users online
1,440,270 hits today, 2,660,641 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
2495167
So far he's been able to teleport, move from one world to another, shapeshift, make the dead earth fertile again, give/feed/take away the magic of other beings, instantly heal flesh and bones, prevent others from dying by age and even bring the dead back. That's pretty Godlike to me.
And once again this is something that should be explained in the story. Not outside of it. And yes, he suffered an injury. Yet he recovers five minutes later. So what's the point? He might as well just say: Give me a moment to rest/recover.
I know that. But that doesn't mean you have to give him a ver specific ability to help him deal with everything that happens around him, nor make him use it. Wouldn't it be a much better idea not to show of just how powerfull you are, so you can take everyone by surprise once you decide it's time to take over the world?
With AJ and Rd for example. He just save Ponyville and all of its inhabitants, from being squashed/ destroyed. There was no need to play mother earth and rebiuld all the orchard, nor give RD a speed boost, just to make them like him. He has a lot of time to spare, right?
The story isn't bad. But there are things you really need to fix.
2496315
Okay much shorter than three pages
points
corrupt world=basically god
pure world=weak=ton of spells=appears strong
(was explained, maybe not understood, will check)
needs trust=does things
ton of spells=useful=desired help=general trust
shows power=scares Ursa Major=saves ponyville=general trust
destroyed trees=powerful spell=injury=noticed=selfless pure act=trust of Applejack=reliable trust
shows power=gives spell book=assumed more power=trust of twilight
teaches 2xrain boom=trust of rainbow dash=useful weapon/more trust
shows power=they get ready=feel safe=believe they have upper hand=more trust
keep pets=protects=alive=alive longer to torture=more fun!(hehe)
also yes I did need those two parts for later important things. Like Dash needed to be a weapon for the bog or the city would have been destroyed by the army, the elements of harmony are a strong weapon, but only appear to be useful against one enemy at a time.
2496927
Dude I know what's going on. I know WHY it is going on. It's the way you execute such ideas, what I'm saying you should fix.
Because if things keep going on this way, this will be very soon just another Dragon ball Z/ Lord of the rings story with ponies. And a very annoying main character that makes all drama nonexistent, cuz despite all of his "limitations" he has a solution for every single problem in the known universe.
2497463
okay I see what you mean