Ponyture Science

by Ferote

For Science

[A/N: As before the brackets are me the author talking to you the reader. Parenthesis are the protagonists thoughts and quotation marks are dialogue. I came up with this on my own. Keep sending me those ideas though. Thought I should make an OC story.]
“Are you sure we should do this?”
“We have no other choice. We need the money, and science needs ponies.”
“All right, I just hope that one day we’ll be able to see him again.”
This is the only memory I have that doesn’t involve any testing, buttons, cubes, turrets, or neurotoxins of any kind. Thank Celestia I have at least one memory that doesn’t involve these goddesses forsaken laboratories.
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I wake to a robotic voice welcoming me back to the land of testing. How I hate cryogenic rest cycles. At least I can hide my emotions under this indifferent mask my face is. [I will not be doing the sporadic capitalization such aS This because it is too tedious and it would only hinder my writing, If anybody is willing to go through this and change the dialogue for that character I would be grateful]
“Welcome to Ponyture Laboratories. Today is a special day. It is special because a recently passed law allows testing of experimental equipment on ponies. The experimental equipment that you will be testing is a prototype interdimensional device that will allow, well you can tell what it does.” I would have replied but I never learned how to speak, or fly for that matter. (Ponyture Laboratories were we teach you everything except the basics, wonder where they’re going to send me.)
“The destination of this interdimensional device, which will now be referred to as the Tardis, is an unknown planet . Our scanners gave us a single piece of data., your job is to find out more. Based on the data there is a company by the name of Aperture Science that has roughly the same intentions as Ponyture Laboratories. Now the Tardis will disassemble your entire being into it’s individual atoms and force them through the fabric of space time.” (Oh Celestia help me)
*whoosh*

*Thud*

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“What hell do you think it is?”
“I have no god damn idea. What has administration got their hands on this time?” (Hands? Hell? God? What are these ponies talking about?)
“It’s coming to.” I open my eyes to see… (WHAT THE HAY ARE THESE THINGS)
“Heart rate is increasing. It’s all right we’re not going to hurt you. You’re at Aperture Science.” for some reason this doesn’t calm you “Do you understand what I’m saying? Nod your head if you do.” (All right) “Good. Now can you speak?” (I wish I could) “Can you read or write?” (yes) Amazingly Ponyture Science taught me this “Great. Somebody get it a pencil and paper” (I’m not an it) [bold represents what the protagonist writes] taking the pencil in my mouth I put the first thing that comes to my mind
I am an it I am a pony “Okay. Now you probably have a lot of questions so ask away.” Where am I? “You’re on the planet Earth In the country of America. Where are you from?” Equestria “Is everyone in Equestria a pony?” Most are but there are also Griffins Dragons and zebras, What are you? “We are humans.”
“All right that’s enough questions. Any more and we’ll be wasting time.” (How many humans are there on Earth?)
“Okay but I want to ask it some more later” (I’m tired of being called an it) My name is Ferote Eerfreve “Well that makes things more convenient”
“That’s enough we need to start the testing now or our jobs are on the line.”
“All right all right, Jesus” (who is Jesus?)
The testing was the same as in Ponyture Science except the cubes were heavier and the buttons were bigger, until I got to something called “portals” (What the hay is a portal?) to answer my question an orange… something appeared on the wall. I walked over to it and tapped it with my right fore hoof. Or I would have if my hoof hadn’t gone through the wall *BOOM* [mind explosion] (WHAT) I walked through the “portal” and found myself on the other side of a glass wall. (I have no idea how these things work, but at least I know what they do. Thank Celestia I am quick to learn) The tests progressively get more difficult.

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[colons indicate the setting]
:Observation room:
“He’s adjusting much faster than all of the other test subjects.”
“Either ponies are smarter than humans or he’s smarter than the average pony.”
“We’ll need more research to be sure.”
“…”
“What is it”
“Nothing”

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:Test chamber:
(Portals are confusing. These tests are making my head hurt)
“We cannot continue your testing because the test chambers were built with humans in mind. And our latest device is meant for beings with hands and opposable thumbs. This is not the end of your testing though. An Aperture Laboratories associate will come put an Aperture Science Handheld Portal device on your body. (Celestia help me)

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“All right there we go to shoot a blue portal move our right shoulder forward. Wait until we make an announcement before you continue testing.” Doing what he says comes naturally to me. I’ve been doing it all my life for Celestia’s sake. (All right let’s test this out) When I move my shoulder forward a blue ball shoots out from above my right shoulder and a blue portal appears on the wall in front of me (well this makes things easier) It would have if the tests had been the same, but the tests were even MORE difficult. Then I get to a chamber where there was another portal gun. (Well will I move my right shoulder back or will I move my left shoulder forward)
“An Aperture Science associate will be with you to attach the other piece of the Aperture Science Handheld portal device”

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“All right you move your left shoulder forward to fire an orange portal. Well that’s the last you’ll be seeing of me. Good luck on the next tests.” (If they keep getting harder I’ll need it.) The next tests are BRUTAL it takes me at least thirty minutes for each one. After the hardest chamber I a voice.
“Thank you for helping Aperture Science learn more about the wonders of alternate dimensions. You will now be rewarded with neurotoxins (What’s a neurotoxin?) A purple gas enters the air. “We thank you for giving your life to science” (Oh buck)
*Thud*
[center------------------------------------------:Operating room:
“All right lets see what the inside of a pony looks like.”
[A/N If somebody wants to make a story of the human that was sent to Ponyture Science just ask me through PM (Don’t do it without asking me that’s called stealing) if someone did this before me I didn’t read your story and I thought of this without looking at it]

Comments

[Ferote]

FIRST

[Ferote]

AND SECOND

[Noakwolf]

I just realized that this story was recent your comments are three days old? How does that work?

[Devianpony]

Lol, as soon as I saw a pony/portal crossover I knew it was going to be good

[Kaijutsu]

205294 He's probably been waiting for three days to get it published.

[Ferote]

205294 to be a dick and steal someones thunder i commented before it was published

[Ferote]

I would have published it earlier (only took about 4 minutes) ub this OC was already being used in Where...am I? and it was a secret between me and phoenix up until bubbleBRRY noticed it

[Arthtrott]

Oh buck, next time avoid being dead as a final outcome. (Erase this if it just sounds to stupid.)

[Ferote]

215085 I am a sadistic fuck
example A. I love grimdark

[Blaze Burn Crash]

not so secret secret anymore.

[FanNotANerd]

See my review of HiE Survival for a strikingly similar list of issues and suggestions.

There are also a few instances of wrong words, (were instead of where, et cetera) and incorrect apostrophe use. ("It's" is short for "It is". It does not imply possession.)

Another issue: if a different character is speaking, create a new paragraph. Otherwise, it seems blocky, jerky, and generally difficult to read. And if you insist on writing grimdark, read some stuff by Stephen King. I personally recommend The Tommyknockers, Cell, The Dark Half, and The Mist. And, if you want to forego sleep for a week, read Pet Sematary. That stuff is grimdark done right.

And, allow me to point out a medical inaccuracy. Neurotoxins operate by inhibiting synaptic transmission; that is, preventing nerves from firing and communicating. Death is far from instant, and usually occurs from suffocation.

[Ferote]

260446 I didnt say he died instantly
I wasnt going for girmdark

[Scully]

PIE?

[cherrycustard]

Needs Pony Glados.

[Ferote]

359289 Cave Johnson era of Aperture science